Original subtitles

I was always interested in comedians

opening lines

and uh I saw Richard Prior when because

I always was very felt very uh uh I felt

like it felt like an important moment

the opening and I saw Richard Prior one

time and I was it was the early 70s and

I was you know still struggling as a

comedian and he was supposed to do two

shows at the Trouidor

one at 8:00 and one at 10:30.

And now it's 9:30 and he hasn't even

showed up. Shown up. And finally he

walks in and I'm thinking in my

conservative comedy sense, "Oh, he's

made the audience really mad. He's an

hour and a half late. He's made him

really mad." And he uh goes on, his

opening line is, "Hope I'm funny."

and everyone loved him and he killed. He

was so unpredictable.

He was what everyone wanted that he's

kind of a say a Bill Murray quality

that's really uh you just can't pin him

down. He feels like an outsider, you

know. It's a it's a great it's a great

quality. I saw a comedian the other

night on his u um special. I think it

was a Netflix special, Reggie Watts. He

was very very good. But his opening was

uh crawling

through the audience

and you know they were kind of seated on

a floor so he just crawled over their

heads on his way up to the stage and

gets you gets your attention. But then I

saw

uh Sam Kenisonson once uh was a great

stand-up comedian in in a small club. I

saw him at the uh uh comedy store in

Beverly Hills

and he came on. It was a you know comedy

comedian after comedian after comedian.

He came on and he said, "You've seen a

lot of comedians here tonight. Some

really good, some, you know, nice. Okay,

but there's a difference between them

and me. Them you might want to see again

sometime."

And it just set off his show in such the

right way. Iconoclast.

And he also was telling the audience at

the same time, I'm going to say some

things here that you you might not like.

I had several openings. I I uh when I

got started playing arenas, I opened

with uh the magic dime trick.

So I'd be in this like vast uh you know

stadium and I'd build up see the date on

the dime and then people would laugh.

You know, it's a way to acknowledge the

circumstance and how strange it is.

Um, I had one where I'd come out, like

you say, I'd uh stand way off mic and

start talking like I was I thought I was

in front of the mic and people would

laugh. Or another thing I did was um I'd

say, "Good evening. It's great to be

here." Then I'd move a few feet like

say, "No, no, it's great to be here."

No, no, no. It's great to be here. It's

great to be here. Move around. And these

sound stupid when you just say them, but

in the spirit of the moment, uh, they

were funny. They were funny to me.

Exactly what I wanted to do.

Go away. Go away.

Oh, they have these things here. Good.

I have a little bit of a pet peeve uh

for comedians who come out and say, "How

we doing tonight?

Everybody feeling good?" First of all,

you've blown

one of the most important moments of

your show, which is its beginning and

who are you and how you define yourself.

Second, you've asked the audience to

participate

and talk to you, which is almost the

worst thing that can happen unless

you're a highly skilled in, you know,

dealing with that. But you have your

opening moments where you're

either going to win or lose or just

start very slowly. So, I would just

think about that opening

Thank you. Hey, I'll take those.

Hi, folks. Welcome to the show. Hey, we

got a lot of Oh, mic went off. Oh,

testing. Okay, we're back now. Excuse

me.

We're having some fun now. Yeah.

Okay. Ready to roll. My name is Steve

Martin. I'll be out here in just a

moment and uh we're going to start be

starting in just a few moments. Just

waiting for the drugs to take effect and

then uh we'll be gone. Okay.

Ah, there we go.

Beautiful. Thanks for coming.

Something I've been trying to think

about for a while now is how to not be

as loose up top because sometimes I I go

up with all the energy and I'm like

I kind of don't know where I'm going to

start almost and I'm like let me let me

play around for a sec. But I would like

to be

tighter up top.

I think it's it's good because when you

know that that's real estate that

opening

Yeah.

is really important. I do see a lot of

wasted motion,

you know, and and it's so good to just

tighten it down. And and when you're

wasting motion, you're losing them a

bit. They're expected to be

with you or chipper or kind of

responsive. And you don't want them to

be responsive except for laughing.

How are you is also something I'm trying

to take out of my act.

Yeah. Just take it out. You shouldn't

even say say

uh you could even say I'm not going to

ask you how you are because I don't

care.

Yeah. you know.

Yeah.

Um,

it's true.

So, let me just read a little bit. I'm

going to be you even though I can't be

you. But, so they say, "Ladies and

gentlemen, you know, Will Miles

clapping." And you come out and you say,

"More applause. More more." That's

funny. Is that the right attitude for

it? Yeah. So, that's that's good. Now,

then next thing you say, "Yeah, let's

break everything. [ __ ] it." It's a

laugh. And what does that mean? Because

that that's parliament. Let's break

everything means let's have a good time

or

Yeah. Let's No, break like the whole

Yeah, I got it. Okay. I just got to get

used to you kids.

Yeah. And [ __ ] it is like uh is like a c

celebratory thing. Okay. Okay. I've lost

my mind. That's fun. How are you? I'm

just this I'm I'm doing the worst

service to you,

but purposefully. I've lost my mind.

That's fun. How are you guys doing? I'm

the last guy. Yeah. Are are we all

excited? Now, to me, the key line in

there is I'm the last guy. That means

you're the last performer, right?

Yeah.

I I don't think you need How are you

guys doing? That's fun stuff. Yeah.

Yeah.

But say, "Let's break everything and I'm

the last guy. Isn't that great?"

That's fun. Yeah.

You know, and then I love this line.

Maybe you do need this other stuff. Oh,

that's a lot of fake energy I just gave.

I am very low-key.

I am a pothead. Uh, I am out of breath

off that. Laughed. And then your next

line is, uh, I do smoke a lot of weed. I

could tell I was high earlier because I

was watching the news. I was just

looking at this. I think, you know, you

kind of blurt it out. You say, I I do

smoke a lot of weed. I think it'd be

interesting to start. You say, by the

way, I I I learned something about

myself today. I smoke a lot of weed.

And the the way I understood that is I

realized I'm high all the time.

And here's how I realized and here's how

I realized it because I love this bit.

He says this is uh I was watching the

news

and there was this point that I said

this is a really good episode.

So now you you just compressed all that.

You you say I learned something about I

smoke a lot because I was high all the

time. And I realized I realized it today

when I was watching the news and I'm

thinking this is a really good episode.

You're just like trimming it down from

the the the the elements that really

speak rather than just in between

interstitial kind of sch smoozing.

Anyway, this just a thought. It's just a

way to think about your opening.

Your end

gives the middle and the beginning

meaning.

And always think of that goal. It's

almost like you could say, "How do I end

before you even start? How do I begin?"

Because it's much better to work

backwards

from an ending. And remember, your goal

is not to have the audience go.

It's to have them go, "Oh my god, that

fantastic." That's your goal. And when

you start working backwards, you start

thinking, "How can I get to that?" You

know, rather than a nice polite

response.

So, I got to get rammed now, but uh

you've been a great crowd. Really, I'd

like to thank each and every one of you

for coming by. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank.

I hate doing.

So, I guess I get Oh, there's some guys

there with nose glasses on, too. Cute.

Um,

no. Oh, I remember when I had my first

beer.

Well,

I had a comedy magic act. I always did

it at the end and I had some really good

jokes in it and I ended up by the time

it was over I had balloon animals on my

head and I had nose glasses and I had an

arrow and I'm standing there and my sort

of closing line I would say uh now I'd

like to get serious for a moment. And it

always got this huge laugh because I

didn't look serious at all. And um it

gave me closure. You know, you see the

end is here. How can you can't top

balloons on your head and arrows? Now,

other communities not going to have

that, but ju just theoretically when I

get to the end, I've done some material

whether it's good or bad. Then I brought

out a whole new thing and you can just

feel the audience lean in a little bit.

something completely new is starting.

either a big subject change is going to

get their attention or

a feeling of conclusion that summarizes

maybe what you've done or some things

you've talked about because an end

doesn't have to be, you know, who the

killer was, you know, especi in standup.

It It's just giving the show a shape so

they feel like they've seen something.

You didn't just drop the needle down and

let it play for 15 minutes and then pick

the needle up. You know, the ideal

would be to have an act and then in the

last five minutes wrap it up and have it

in the last five minutes be given a

meaning.

You know,

folks, this is kind of my favorite part

of the show when I get to step down

among the people. You know, I I don't

believe in these distinctions of

audience and performer. I I think we're

all one, and that's why I enjoy stepping

down among the people. Don't touch me.

Okay. Hi.

Hey. How's it going, Stars?

Henry Winkler,

enjoy your work. Hey, how's it going?

Want to come over to my place? Let's

play tennis tomorrow. Hey,

if you're looking for an ending, look in

the beginning or the middle. Something

established there is your key to pulling

it all together.

The ending is is really what they

remember. And think of yourself as

telling a story. Now, let me explain

what I mean. I don't mean I I don't mean

it has a

ending revelation or although that's

good. If you can tie up your um material

in the end and kind of

one thing I think is do is to do

callbacks.

You know, just lay in something early on

that you can refer to.

It makes the the uh show have a shape to

it. Makes it like an invisible weave in

your show. But I see a lot of comics who

who do a do a show and then they they

just stop and walk off and they've done

their best bit and they and they walk

off. You can say good night. You can say

God, we've had a great time. Yeah, I

used to do that, but I used to do it

ironically. You know, I I couldn't get

off I couldn't get off the stage. I had

a long bit about getting off the stage.

I don't know what that would translate

to today. But, you know, say good night

and you know, you say, "I've really

enjoyed you. I haven't enjoyed you, but

I've enjoyed this." And you know, it's

I'm gonna go home tonight and I'm gonna

just lie in bed and think of this show

and the odors and the, you know, wrap it

up. Make them give you a nice applause.

Good night everybody.