Original subtitles

Attention, please, attention.

We're about to introduce the brain behind the show that we have come here

produce. The Ziegfels and the Schubert's and the Minsky's have for years been

sending forth this genius when they needed new ideas.

He's the king of all producers. Would you like to meet him now?

Sasha Pasha! Sasha Pasha!

Sasha Pasha, take a bow!

You sent for Sasha Pasha? Sasha Pasha, he has come!

Hooray for Sasha Pasha, now when things begin to hum, I've got an inspiration, a

sensation of the day. When you look at Sasha Pasha's show, we know you're going

to say, it's colossal, tremendous, gigantic, stupendous, the super special

of the year.

Oh, it's amazing, iconic.

Horrific! Dynamic!

It has a thrill, a throb, a laugh, a tear. Beautiful!

It'll kill them, it'll thrill them, it'll make them throw a fit. Of course,

whatever Sasha Pasha does is bound to be a hit. It's colossal, tremendous,

gigantic, stupendous, the super special epic of the year.

Honest! Marvellous! It's marvellous! It's great!

He's really getting in the mood, he's starting to create.

Quiet, quiet, quiet. It's the opening, can't you see?

Your ideas are so amazing that they even frighten me. Do you mean it? Yes, yes,

yes, yes, yes, yes. Look, he means it. Basha Basha is the genius, he's a wow.

I want a thousand camels on the desert by a spring.

As the curtain slowly rises, all the camels start to sing.

What, the camels? Yes, the camels. Don't you think that's kind of sad? Quiet,

quiet, quiet. Please don't make me mad. Can you do it? Yes, yes.

Don't yes me. Yes. I can do it. Dr.

Parker is a genius. He's a wow.

Did you get me 90 horses and a swimming pool to swim in? What, a swimming pool

for horses? No, a swimming pool for women. Are you ready with the lightning

my beauty queen comes in? We've got everything you ordered and we're ready

begin. And let's begin.

And let's begin. And let's begin. And let's begin. Stop the overture.

I want a gang of carpenters to bring a set of stairs and nail them down.

What happened to that section that I ordered of a little Spanish town?

Right there, I want a bankrupt that's artistic.

The genius wants a bankrupt that's artistic.

Fill in that place with something modernistic.

He wants it filled with something modernistic.

Fire! Are you listening?

It's colossal, tremendous, gigantic, stupendous, the super special epic of

year.

It's amazing, titanic, terrific, dynamic.

It hasn't filled up, I will laugh at it.

This is just a little sample, Sasha did it in a wink. Just imagine what would

happen if I ever stopped to think. It's a lot of tremendous, gigantic,

stupendous. The super special has been found.

Wouldn't that be a sensation to talk about for years? Didn't we tell you if

gave us a chance, we'd put on something terrific?

What do you think of it, Max? Yeah, how do you like it?

Boys, I can tell you in two words.

It stinks.

Listen, they made you chairman of the Artists and Models Ball, didn't they?

Yes. You want the Tears out of the Models Ball to be the greatest you've

had, don't you? Yes. And you told us to go ahead and put on a show, didn't you?

Yes. And you mean to say that my creation stinks?

Stupendous, gigantic, colossal. There isn't anything or anybody in the world

that good, except me, and I won't admit it.

Well, Stella, I did a pretty good day's work today, don't you think? No.

Oh, I think I can knock off and go home, don't you? No.

Look at these unpaid bills.

Hmm.

Well, what would you suggest?

I have two suggestions.

First, that we get some new accounts.

That's my worry, Stella.

Next. that you put some money in the bank to meet this week's payroll.

And there's one for you.

So long.

What'll I tell the sheriff when he comes?

The sheriff?

Have I got a date with him?

You will have if you don't take care of these.

Oh.

Oh, well, maybe I ought to stick around and put the Brewster brains to work.

That would establish a precedent.

Yeah.

Yeah?

I don't know, Stella. It's a pretty nice -looking office, isn't it? I built this

up from nothing.

Well... You're still even.

Chateau Ikem, madam.

1924. The perfect wine for a pheasant dinner.

Okay, that's it.

I'm tired.

I'm dead.

Let me have the jewelry, will you?

Yes? Alan Townsend on the telephone.

Oh, Stella, can't you see I'm busy? It's the Townsend silver account.

Townsend? Well, why didn't you say so?

Hello, Mr. Townsend. Matt Brewster speaking.

Oh, well, put him on.

How much blackmail are you going to charge me for that baby's health

I have you down for at least $1 ,000.

At most $1 ,000.

I'll let you off much cheaper if you can tell me some way to raise a lot of

money all at once. I hate this begging from my friend.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mr. Brewster.

I'd like to discuss your idea for our new advertising campaign.

Of all the plans submitted, I liked yours the best.

Well, thank you, Mr. Townsend.

Yes, silverware is impersonal, so to speak.

But if we can get the public to think of it in the terms of a beautiful and

charming girl, say the, well, say the Townsend Silver Girl, I think we've got

something there.

Exactly.

How about the cost? What would you say if I would appropriate a million

Mr. Brewster?

Mr. Brewster?

Hello? Hello, Mr. Brewster?

Oh, hello, Brewster. I thought we were cut off.

Naturally, you had some ideas.

Well, of course, Mr. Townsend. I planned a publicity tie -up. That goes without

saying.

What exactly did I have in mind?

Well, I... I'll tell you what I had in mind, Mr. Townsend.

Of course, you know about the artist and model's ball.

Well, as chairman, I select the queen.

Get it?

The girl we use for your ad will become the queen of the artist and model's

ball.

Publicity says the Townsend girl will be on the front page of every paper in the

country. Nice going, kid.

If you can guarantee that the Townsend girl will be queen of the artist and

model's ball, you can send the contracts right over.

No, no, Mr. Brewster, thank you.

It's a pleasure to do business with you. I can see that we think alike.

Goodbye.

Were you talking to the man who's in charge of the Artist and Models Ball?

McKay Brewster. He's going to handle our advertising.

I could sell a lot of tickets for that ball if they give the proceeds to the

foundation.

Good evening, Stella.

Get this week's paycheck ready. I might as well sign them today.

How's the bank going to feel about it?

And draw up the contracts for the Townsend Silver account.

Million dollar campaign.

Well, no cries of joy?

Excuse me, I just painted.

Well, I'm faint.

Now may I go home?

Well, maybe I can sell this to a midget.

May I come in?

Yes, if I'm not intruding. Hello, Paula.

Here, file these.

One, two, and three.

Say, when are you going to photograph my face?

Be patient. We're working up to that gradually.

How do you feel today, Mac?

Paula, I feel just as fresh and sparkling and... Cute as you look. Well,

glad you're in a good mood.

Good mood? I'm always in a good mood.

Fairweather Brewster, that's me. Say, Mac, I've got a marvelous idea.

Marvelous for me, I mean.

Mm -hmm.

Now, listen, Paula.

You've been a good little girl.

And you've been learning fast.

And someday you're going to be a great little model.

But you'll just have to wait for a break.

Mind reader.

Mac, you can give me that break now.

Make me queen of the artist and model's ball.

Queen of the ball?

Now, what made you think of such a modest little request?

Think of what it'd mean to me, Mac.

Thousands of dollars' worth of publicity.

Why, it's a chance that any model in this country would give her second

to get.

You always said you'd do everything you could for me.

Well, I... I would, Paula, but... No, this is a little bit complicated.

You see, the, uh...

Well, for business reasons, the queen of the ball has to be the Townsend Silver

Girl. It's a million -dollar account.

Well, why can't I do that?

It'll be a marvelous contract.

Oh, can't you fix it for me, Mac?

Hey, of course I can. Why didn't I think of it?

Oh, you're a darling.

And that's because you're a darling.

Now, this time, you know what I think of you.

Get Townsend on the phone.

Townsend? Sure, Townsend Silver, established 1861.

Say, I didn't think a Townsend ever spoke to anybody less than an

Oh, we're practically pals.

Why, we see things alike, we think alike. We might owe the same tailor.

Hey!

I'm either going to get a new chair or spurs.

Mr. Townsend on the phone.

Hello, Mr. Townsend.

Oh, well, put him on.

Oh, Mr. Townsend, Mac Brewster speaking.

I've got a great piece of news for you. I've got the Townsend girl.

Yes, sir, just what we've been looking for.

Beauty, glamour, lovely figure.

In fact, she looks just... Thanks. In fact, she looks just as well with

as without.

No, no, no, Mr. Brewster. I don't want a professional model.

Actually, what I have in mind is a girl who might have just stepped out of the

social register.

In fact, that's where I think we ought to look for her.

No, Mr. Brewster, the contract's been wait.

Evidently, we're not thinking in the same terms.

I think our first step is to find the girl.

All right.

You're the boss.

What happened?

After all, Paula, the Townsend account isn't the only one in the world.

You mean you couldn't fix it for me?

Oh, I can fix it for you, all right.

If it weren't for Townsend, he's going into the social register for his model.

You know, a debutante, solid gold with ancestors.

Ancestors? Well, I've got ancestors, too.

Even if they did miss the Mayflower.

I'm sick of these society girls stealing our jobs.

I'm sorry, honey.

Look, Paula, let's you and I go out and take a nice long walk.

Maybe it'll rain.

I'd be rotten company even in the rain, Mac.

Hey, are you crying?

No.

What do you call this?

I don't know, just sleep.

Oh, don't cry.

I can't stand anybody crying.

Well, what's the use, Mac?

What is there for a girl like me to do?

Either get married or jump out of a window.

Hey, wait a minute. It's not as bad as all that.

Yes, it is.

Oh, you mustn't talk like that.

Gee, losing this job isn't a matter of life or death.

I can't help it. It's just the way I feel.

Well, I can't have you jumping out of windows.

Oh, look.

Would you feel any better if you had an aspirin tablet or an ice cream soda?

Or we got married, or... Oh, Mac, you're such a darling.

No kidding, Paula. You know I've been crazy about you since the first day I

you.

Gee, I can see you now in a cloud of dust, posing for Beatty's bath powder.

Shh. It's no good, Mac.

I've just got to go home and cry this thing out.

Well, have a good time.

And we'll get married any time you say.

When am I going to see you again?

I'll see you tomorrow.

Hey, stay away from windows.

The paychecks, they're ready for you to sign.

Oh, they can wait till next week.

Again? Mm -hmm.

What was Paula crying about?

We're going to get married.

Oh.

I must be a lucky people there for woe is me.

Getting into trouble seems to be my special specialty.

didn't you? Well, everyone's a picture, darling. Thanks.

Any luck today, kid?

Plenty of it. All bad.

I lost the best job of the year at Tons and Silver.

Oh, never mind about that.

What'd Max say about you being queen of the ball?

Well, the Tons and Silver model's going to be queen. It wasn't Max's fault. He's

a sweetheart.

He's not going to marry me to make me feel better. Do you think it would?

No, that's not what I want.

I've been trying to get somewhere on my own, carve out a career for myself.

Does that sound silly?

Nope, I've been doing quite a bit of whittling myself.

Now what?

Chase around for another six months or a year.

Undressing in lingerie shops, picking up nickels and dimes, and posing for

cheaper cunts like this.

What do I look like to you?

Lady fuss -bustle, queen of the rich.

Haven't I always acted like a lady?

Must be my refined and influence.

Why, thousands of people all over this country pick up their magazines and

accept me as a lady.

Children cry for it. It's toasted.

Easy on the eyes and throat.

How does Tonson know what I look like? Turn me down without even seeing me.

Listen, I'm going to tell that gray -haired old fossil what I think of him.

Ask him if he's got a boyfriend for me.

Oh, hello.

May I speak to Mr. Tonson, please?

It's in connection with his advertising campaign.

I'm sorry, Mr. Townsend's gone home for the day.

No, he won't be in the office tomorrow.

He's leaving for Miami.

Thank you.

Miami?

That's funny.

My agent's been trying to get me a couple of weeks there singing in a floor

show.

Can you imagine me soaking up gin bucks with Mrs. Astor's horse?

That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it. Yes! Oh.

He wants a society girl with silver trimmings on her ancestors, does he?

Family tree.

Hmm. Honey, you ain't even got a flower pot. I know.

But I've got the clothes and the nerve, I hope.

I wonder what time I can get a train from Miami tonight.

Say, what's so interesting at Miami?

Sunshine Society and Tom's and Silver.

Girls, girls, beautiful girls.

Ah, what a glorious day.

And a cheery good morning to you, Stella.

What about these girls?

They're lovely. I don't know what I'd do without them. At 3 a .m., you phoned me

and ordered them. Have you the slightest idea what they're to do?

At 3 a .m.? Mm -hmm.

Let me see.

Oh, yes, this is my happy day. They're to be the bridesmaids.

I'm to be the groom.

Who's the bride?

The bride?

Paula Sewell, if we can find her.

Macbeth's Regency.

Yes?

Lord and Early?

Underwear?

Oh, it's a new account.

Well, I'm afraid, Mr. Lord, that Mr. Brewster is too excited to look at your

underwear today.

He's going to be married.

Stella,

which side is the groom walk on?

I don't know. I've never been on the other side.

Hello, Paula.

Oh, who is it?

What do you want?

Chairman of the Artists and Models Ball.

You got the wrong number.

Chairman of the Artists... Hey, wait a minute. I'm Chairman of the Artists and

Models Ball.

Hello?

Keep going.

Keep going.

What morning movement? I'll let you have it now. Go on.

Hey, what is this, a gag?

He tried to go at night, boys. Let him have it.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have just heard another installment of Detective

Valentine's Radio Adventure.

This was the 14th episode in this delightful little series of Why Crime

Pay. Do not fail to tune in at the same hour tomorrow.

At which time, the 15th chapter of this thrilling adventure story will be

broadcast from this... Nick, run down the hall and get Dr. Zimmer.

Stella, how do I feel? I mean, how do I look?

You haven't heard from Paula, have you? No. Why don't you sit down and take it

easy? Look, she... You don't think she could have killed herself, do you? Mr.

Brewster. Why don't you get yourself together and stop talking nonsense?

Oh, you don't know.

Hey, only yesterday she was between jumping out of a window and marrying me.

Now I am worried.

Oh, you don't think she'd do that, do you?

After all, she didn't have much choice.

Yeah.

Now, wait a minute.

I may not be any Don Juan, but if I haven't got more appeal than a 40 -story

jump out of a window, I'll... All right, 20 stories.

Hello? Hello?

Oh, Lord and Early. Just a moment.

Who are they?

The new underwear account.

Oh.

Hello? Mr. Brewster speaking.

Oh, underwear, huh?

Make a note about the laundry.

Whose laundry?

Mine. It hasn't come back yet. Maybe you didn't send it out.

Yeah?

Well, uh... Yeah, well, what do you want me to do?

Take off your coat.

What? Take off your coat.

I see what he wants.

Yes?

He wants to know if you can get a man to model underwear.

Well, certainly, of course.

Model. Take off your shirt?

Take off your shirt.

He wants to know how much it'll cost him.

Well, tell him the usual rate.

The usual rate?

He wants to know if it's 90 days or cash.

Tell him cash.

Might not be here in 90 days.

I think it can be arranged, Mr. Lord.

Take off your pants.

He wants to discuss it with you. What'll I tell him? Oh, tell him to come over

here.

Mr. Lord, if you and Mr. Early will come over, Mr. Brewster will be glad to talk

to you.

Thanks.

They're coming right over.

You'll have these pressed.

Get Eddie Bone on the phone.

Hello, Eddie.

Eddie, look.

Yeah, this is Mac.

Hey, Mr. Lord and somebody are coming over here in their underwear.

No, no, it's an underwear account.

Yeah, they'll be over in a few minutes.

Well, bring, send in a cameraman and a couple of models.

Yeah, met.

Young man, your blood pressure is very high.

Well, when I want advice about my blood pressure, I'll send for a doctor.

Look. I'm a doctor.

Hey, what is this? Just a little examination.

Your secretary sent for me. Quiet, please.

Well, I don't need an examination. I'm all right.

Hey, where are we going? To a garage?

Well, look, Doc, I admit I'm a little nervous, but... Gee, I feel pretty well

and strong.

How am I?

150?

160? Hey, what's the record?

200. We doctors have a little joke about that case. We say the man was

disqualified.

Disqualified? Yes.

He died.

That's very funny.

Hey,

198.

Oh, don't worry. The gauge is a couple of points off.

Oh. Oh, well, then I could be 196.

Now, or if you'll just hold this against the chest.

I don't want to alarm you, but... Bad.

Young man, you have led a very dissolute life.

Well, I could go on the water wagon. No, it's too late.

I wonder you're still able to walk around.

Oh, look, Doc, you're listening to your own heart.

Oh,

bless my soul. Don't worry about it. Take it easy, Doc. Here, that's all

You'll be all right. Come on. Right over here. Sit down.

That's the eye. Now, just take it easy. One second, Doc.

Here you are.

Here you are. Just take that.

Take it easy.

There. Now, now, do you feel better?

I'll be all right. I'll be all right in a minute.

It's nothing, nothing at all, just the heart. Yeah, well, now, come on. Now,

come up here, walk over there and take it easy. You better go see a doctor.

Now, right over here, that's it. You know, the gauge was a couple of points

I worry so.

It's business, you know. Yeah, well, everybody worries. You know, I've got

too. You?

What do you worry about? Well, a present. It's a girl. Oh, a girl. You

Who is she?

One of my models, the best.

Emotional frustration.

Undoubtedly, that is the cause of your nervous condition.

My boy, there is only one cure for you.

Go for the girl.

Look into her eyes and say, darling, I love you.

Oh, excuse me.

Lord and early.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

How do you do? Good afternoon, gentlemen.

How are you?

Hardly the type we wanted for a model, is he, Mr. Lawrence?

No.

Did you ever see such a fit?

Awfully droopy.

Hey, boss, have we got a show lined up for you. The greatest artist and model

show ever put together. Get this, get this. We start this show with

gypsies.

Nobody here.

Why you never seen a show like it? All you need for a three -ring circus

is a horse. A horse. He wants a horse.

A horse.

You're just like Alan to Mr. Plain. I never knew anyone to Mr. Plain.

Now, boats.

You meet the loveliest people knitting boats.

Let's all go somewhere and knit a boat.

What do you think would be the very best boat to miss?

Have you any suggestions, Mrs. Fountain?

The boat's never been built. I wouldn't prefer to miss.

Smooth trip, old man.

Splendid. Hi, sis.

Hey, me next.

Do I know you?

I'm Alice.

I remember you.

And here's one for you, little girl.

What, the end of the line? This is as far as you go, Casanova.

Casanova, and I was here all the time.

Where's Cynthia? I thought she was coming.

Oh, so sorry.

Terribly clumsy. Oh, not at all. Don't mention it, Mr.

Townsend. I'm afraid there's some mistake here. I'm Mr. Curry.

That was Mr. Townsend who just went through.

Pardon me.

From now on, I've got to know the name of every man that kisses me.

Whispers in the dark. Two shadows in the night.

So gentle and so tender that every little word is like a song.

like this perhaps i'll be

Chateau Icke, madame, 1924.

Perfect wine for Christmas dinner.

You know, it can't be age, but I seem to be losing my memory.

I'm sure I've seen that girl somewhere.

I've the same vague impression.

I seem to associate her with a boat.

Girls in bathing suits.

On a sailboat. Maybe it was Switzerland last winter.

I can see her playing tennis.

In the snow.

Of course, it may be my depraved imagination, but I have a mental picture

in lacy underwear.

Like Quagg.

And very nice, too.

Alan, you must find out who she is now.

Now? How?

Well, ask her if necessary.

You owe her an apology anyway.

Go on, make it.

I won't have a happy moment until I find out who she is.

Please go, Alan. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Go on over now.

Ten dollars, she turns you down. Cold as an oyster. I'll take that wager.

Remember, that's my son.

Pardon me. I'm Alan Townsend.

I, uh... Oh, yes, I remember you.

You kissed me.

Now you've decided to apologize.

Seems terribly uncomplimentary to apologize for kissing a beautiful young

Well, that's a great deal smoother than the usual or street corner approach.

Something about etchings, isn't it?

Yes, but...

In this particular case, it's my mother.

She's been admiring you and would like very much to meet you.

Very well.

I can honestly say I appreciate this opportunity.

Thank you.

I'll remind you, you owe me $10.

At your leisure, of course.

This is like giving money to the mint. Or finding it at an oyster.

My mother, Mrs. Townsend, this... I'm Paula Monterey, Mr. Park.

Thank you. The name's familiar.

Oh, yes, you may recall the old Monterey family of San Francisco, don't you,

Monterey? Well, only by reputation.

My dear, do sit down.

Thank you. Please. I'm afraid we've been horribly ruined.

My daughter, Lois. How do you do? Miss Marjorie Kendall.

How do you do? Mr. Craig Shepard. How do you do?

Miss Monterey, were you at Sondert's last winter?

Uh, no, not last winter.

I can see you just as clearly in a plaid scarf and a woolly jacket.

Standing at the top of a snowy hill on Shees.

No, I was only on Shees once, and it wasn't in St. Moritz. I didn't stand up

very long.

Would you care to struggle with me?

Excuse me. Well, of course.

The trees, the grass, and the pool.

Solid silver.

No.

More like a night washed with a silver alloy.

Oh, you're much too exact.

Afraid I am about silver.

Habit. Habit?

Why... Why, you must be townsend silver.

Why not?

Oh.

Oh, but you're so young.

And beautiful, too, don't you think?

See the, uh...

Big, big blue eyes.

Hey, I don't think you're giving this very serious attention.

Don't look now.

There's a very beautiful young girl down there with a handsome man.

Easily the handsomest couple in the world.

She's flirting with him.

I'll put a stop to that.

Oh!

Hey!

Hold it, I'll be right there. No, no, please don't. I'm all right. Don't come

in. Fast conscious, huh? Move over.

Oh,

shook off my top coat.

Take a look at my stocking feet.

What, no shoes?

No.

Just a minute, I'll be right up.

Here they are.

Oh.

Say,

imagine being caught in here with our clothes on. Better than being caught in

here with them off.

Say, give me your handkerchief.

Right ahead.

Thanks.

You're so kind.

It's quite all right.

Yeah, I think we can get out of here now.

Hey, you're shivering. Just a little.

Well, I'm with a slipper and off to bed with a hot toddy.

George, I know who you are.

You do?

Yeah. Who?

Cinderella. A little damp and dunk, but still Cinderella.

Regarding the Social Security Act, Mr. Brewster would like to know if he can

an advance now.

How do you do?

I'm Cynthia Wentworth.

Oh, yes. It's about a charity, isn't it?

Well, it's in connection with the Baby's Health Foundation.

I think Mr. Brewster will be free soon.

You won't mind waiting? Oh, not at all, thank you.

There are two people waiting to see you. A Miss Weston for the bathing suit ad

and a Miss Wentworth to see you about a Baby's Foundation.

I sent in the bathing girl. I don't want any part of a baby's foundation.

If we lose that Townsend account, we can use a good charity.

We won't lose it.

I can only find a model in the social register.

Those Park Avenue Debs are hard to pick up on the street.

Well, if you're looking for that young lady, she stepped out for a moment.

Of course, she was waiting quite a while.

I'm sending in Miss Wentworth.

Okay.

How do you do, Mr. Brewster?

How do you do?

Hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Well, take off your hat first, please. But I'm quite comfortable, thank you.

Yes, I try to make everybody comfortable.

I want you to put on the swimsuit and the cape.

Swimsuit? Yeah, there's the dressing room right over there. But, Mr.

may I have a word at this point? Now, now, I've seen girls in bathing suits

before. Yes, I know, but I'm afraid I'm not the girl you think I am. I'll know

when you come out. But... Right in there. Right in there.

I've got that bathing girl model now.

Stella, you're slipping.

She's in here changing her clothes.

Who's changing whose clothes?

The bathing girl.

had you got in that dressing room?

The girl you sent in whom?

The girl I sent in was Miss Wentworth of the Park Avenue Wentworths. Now look,

Stella, I'm a very busy man.

So please don't... The Park Avenue Wentworths? Exactly.

Well, now may I talk to you?

I'm terribly sorry, Miss Wentworth. My secretary made a mistake.

I made a mistake.

It's all right, Stella. Whom am I to criticize whom?

Have a chair.

I'm sorry I can't offer you a swimming pool.

Well, you see, Mr. Brewster, I really do represent quite a worthy charity.

Yeah, something about babies, isn't it? Exactly. If you and I could agree on an

arrangement, we could sell a great many tickets to my friends and charge them

anything we wanted to.

Your friends?

Miss Wentworth, you are in the social register, aren't you? Of course, if that

means anything.

Means anything.

Only about a million dollars to me.

Miss Wentworth, would you consider posing for some advertisements?

I mean, with your clothes on, of course.

Oh, can't I pose in this?

No, no, no, I'm afraid not. You see, this is a very dignified account.

Townsend Silver.

You want me to pose for the Townsend Silver? Yes, my client is in Florida

now. I thought we could take some photographs, hop on a plane.

I'll lead you right up to Mr. Townsend and present you as the Townsend girl.

That would be very amusing.

What do you say?

It's a deal. On one condition.

That you'll help me take care of our babies.

Well, that's the least I can do.

Oh, you mean... Yes, the Babies Foundation.

Of course, of course. I love babies.

Oh, do you? Oh, yes. I used to be one myself.

to tell you.

I'm just busting with curiosity.

Say, how's it going?

Have you struck silver yet? Silver?

We dine together. We dance together.

We even fill in the swimming pool together.

Say, lady, you work fast.

And how is your private slice of high society?

To put it mildly, he's terrific.

Wait till you meet him.

Oh, I won't know how to act with a gentleman.

Kind eye track.

Say, I've been shattered ever since I left New York.

Shattered by whom?

By... all had an umbrella and an old suitcase.

There was some sort of a man attached to them. What, did he try to molest you?

He tried everything.

Well, why didn't you call the police?

Well, I did, but the waltzing mouse disappeared and the cop wanted to lock

up.

Why are you following this young lady?

Oh, I guess it's because I'm in love with her.

What's so funny about that?

Well, it makes me feel so ridiculous.

How do you like that? It makes him feel ridiculous.

You can't get away with a crack like that.

I kind of thought so.

You're in love with me, too.

Who are you?

Well, I'm Jupiter Pluvius II.

Don't tell me there are two of you.

Well, there was, you see.

But Pappy finally went to his reward.

He was drowned in the flood of Galveston.

He was a rainmaker.

And you're a... I'm a rainmaker, too.

You're a screwball.

Seems to be some sort of a doubt. Well, I have everything here to show you.

Not ten, you know. That's all stuff for making rain. Everything.

Now, for instance, you see, here's the thing.

That's like a drizzle, you see.

It's just a drizzle, you see. And over here, this is like a rain, you see. But

like an everyday rain.

Yeah. And this thing here. Now, here's a pretty thing. This thing is a storm.

All of a sudden, lightning and a boom. And water all over the place. And this

one here.

This is a... Now...

Oh, that's my lunch.

Well, I hope now you're convinced.

By what?

Firecrackers?

Firecrackers. Pappy told me I meet people like you.

Now, look, here's my scrapbook.

This is my scrapbook. This tells everything here. Now, on page five...

Pluvius II, distinguished rainmaker.

That's me.

off the Kansas drought, eh? Yes, well, it took us about six months, but we

finally conquered it.

Six months.

Providence had nothing to do with it, I suppose.

Oh, we delivered some showers in Providence. That was before the Kansas

Now, let me see here. There's an... Oh, now look.

Oh!

There's Pappy!

That's Pappy.

That's my father.

Now, right here... Oh, look.

There's Father's biggest job.

That's where he got his reputation, right there.

I don't believe it. There ain't nobody that can make a single drop of rain, let

alone a flood.

Skepticism, huh? Let me have that.

People are laying a piece of bread, but butter shouldn't sleep around here.

A lot of times when people are skeptical of me, I don't care about nothing. I'm

getting out of this place.

Wish you'd keep your feet out of my lunch.

You want to be skeptical with me, you go... Huh.

Huh. Well, that's your little game.

Now, do you feel more comfy?

Say, what's the name of this game we're playing?

Why are you running away?

Oh, you keep winning and I keep losing. I'm just refusing to play.

Stop. You're breaking my heart.

This joke is going too far.

Come out wherever you are.

Say, how come you like to do me like you do?

Stop. You're driving me wild.

It's tough to take it in grin.

Take it in. Why are you rubbing it in?

Because you know that I'm in love with you.

Well, I'm so.

You're so.

Oh, I don't know. I was losing all hope.

You're much too much.

I'm just about at the end of my rope. Don't stop upsetting my heart.

Look how it starts to burn.

The world will certainly turn.

If you don't stop.

Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. You'll break it.

I thought so

Spot of tea? Thank you.

Interesting pattern, isn't it?

My great -grandfather originated that design.

Oh, really?

Has the Townsend touch.

Dignified, respectable.

And old -fashioned.

Cream or lemon?

Cream.

I'm going to change all that.

Next year, every baby in America is going to be born with a silver spoon in

mouth. All Mark Townsend. Oh, please, mister, how come?

By advertising, electrical signs, color displays.

Marvel. With a girl in them?

And what a girl. The Townsend girl.

Oh, I do admire people who can do things.

I practically know Tom for anything except being myself.

Looking as lovely as you do at this particular minute isn't a special gift.

Not a very important one, I'm afraid.

Loveliness is always important. Ask any photographer, artist.

Hold it.

Hold it just as you are.

It's just what I've been looking for.

What in the world are you talking about? The Townsend girl, you. Would you mind

doing it?

Posing for some photographs? You'd be... You are perfect.

Oh, but Alan, this is so sudden.

Well, you've got all afternoon to get used to it. Look, when we get back to

hotel, I'll wire Mac Brewster.

Mac Brewster? My advertising man.

I'll tell him that you're to be the Townsend girl.

And when he meets you, I can imagine what he'll say.

I wonder.

This high altitude doesn't agree with me.

It might interest you to know that we've landed.

Yeah. Well, here we are in Miami, safe and sound.

Well, sound anyway.

Sorry, Mr. Brewston, Mr. Townsend hasn't come back yet. Okay, thanks.

Will I introduce you to Townsend as a silver girl and get the expression on

face? I wouldn't miss that for work. Ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that

idol of the airwaves with his idol chatter, Jack Benny.

Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking.

And thanks very much, Don, for one half of that introduction.

You can have the last half back. Very clever fellow. I've always liked him.

Oh, really? I've never cared for him.

Oh, well, every one to his own taste.

It's been a marvelous day.

Marvelous for me, too.

You mean it?

Why can't we have a lot more?

365 years, just as marvelous.

What, no words?

I'd like to teach you three little words.

They pop into my mind every time I see them.

Paula, darling. Alan, dear, please, I... Good evening, Mr. Townsend.

Pop the car?

Yeah, thanks.

How long will it take you to dress for dinner? Oh, about ten minutes, Alan. Oh,

I'll be an old man by that time.

Everything's been lovely up to now, hasn't it? Yes, but don't worry about

Something will probably happen.

Excuse me.

Rooster!

Just the man I want to see.

Mr. Townsend, I've been looking for you.

Cynthia, what are you doing here? I flew down with Meg. I didn't know you two

knew each other. Well, I didn't know you two knew each other. Just a minute.

Follow.

Miss Wentworth, Mr. Brewster, may I present Miss Monterey? How do you do?

How do you do, Mr. Brewster?

Oh, Miss Monterey, how do you do?

Alan's told me about you. Well, you must tell me about someone sometimes.

Oh, would you girls excuse us?

We'd like to talk a little business.

Oh, yes, if you really must.

Pardon us. We won't be very long.

Have you known Alan long?

Well, Brewster, I think our search for the Townsend girl is over. I'm glad to

hear you say that. Beautiful, isn't she? The minute I laid eyes on her, I knew

she was the girl. Oh, I'm very happy about her. So am I.

You know, that girl is perfect. She has charm.

Distinction.

Beauty.

Ancestors.

Say, do you feel that way about her, too? I really do.

Hey, uh, do you mind if I call you Mac?

I'd be a little hurt if you didn't.

Alan? Well, I'll have those contracts made up right away. Yeah, and send them

right over to Miss Monterey. I certainly will.

Who's Miss Monterey?

Why, that's the name of the girl we've been talking about all the time.

Boy, you might forget her name, but never her face.

Paula Monterey, the Townsend girl.

The Townsend girl? Yeah.

See you later, Mac.

He has to hit me yet.

Well, have you two men settled all the affairs of the world? Yes, and very

agreeably. Yeah.

Will you excuse us while we dress?

Then we'll all have dinner together. Well, that should be fun.

Come on, Paula. Goodbye.

Well,

what happened?

Nothing much.

The bottom just dropped out of everything.

Oh, I see.

Alan doesn't want me as his mother.

Sure he does. He's crazy about you.

Just a little complication, that's all.

There's always a complication.

Of course, it's Miss Monterey.

It's not Miss Monterey. Not yet.

Something has to be ironed out, and I've got to do the ironing. Oh, please, Max.

Now, don't give up the ship, Cynthia, and trust me.

I'll be right back.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Do I know what I'm doing?

Ladies and gentlemen, we will now introduce Russell Patterson's puppets,

starring Mr.

Esquire.

Oh my god!

Oh! Oh!

How do you do?

Well,

my dear fellow, spring is here, and all that sort of thing, don't you know?

Come in.

Hello, darling. Hello.

Thanks for not spoiling everything.

We're not out of the woods yet, Miss Monterey.

Say, just how did you land that town from contract?

Why, he offered it to me.

But why?

Did you make love to him?

All in the spirit of good, clean competition, of course.

Yes, I did.

Well, that was smart.

It was, wasn't it?

Oh, don't think I'm jealous. I always turn green this time of year.

After all, we are going to be married.

No, we're not, Mac.

We're not?

Who is it, Townsend?

Well, and what is this, all these advertisements?

Oh, it belongs to Mac Brewster.

We're going through it to get ideas for our campaign.

Why, how amusing.

What, Mother?

I was sure I'd seen Miss Monterey in a sheeing costume.

Of course I have. Here she is posing in the sand.

And that's why Lois remembered her playing tennis.

I had seen Miss Monterey in her undies.

She's a professional model and very clever too.

Very clever indeed.

But I have thought it over.

I've been doing nothing else.

Mac, I'm going to tell Alan everything.

But I can't tell him now.

You'd lose the contract.

What's a million dollars?

Just everything.

Look, Paula, would it make it any easier for you if I told him?

Mr.

Alan Townsend's room, please.

Good evening, Miss Townsend.

I mean, Alan.

Hello, Alan.

Would you kindly explain this?

Well, just a minute, Alan. You must know that... Never mind. All I want now is

the truth.

Is this you?

Why, yes, but... Then you are a professional model.

Yes, and I'm not a socialite. I work for a living.

My name's not Monterey. It's Paula Sewell.

And here's more of the truth.

I wanted that Townsend girl contract more than anything else in the world.

I was determined to get it, even though you didn't want a professional model.

Then you came here under an alias, tricked an introduction, and made

attractive as you possibly could.

You even had me believing that it was me you liked, not what I could do for you.

Say, were you a part of this plot?

No, he didn't even know I was here. He's done nothing to lose your account,

Alan. Don't worry, he won't. I don't usually break my word.

Regarding the model, my first decision is correct. I pick Miss Monterey. Sure.

What difference does it make?

You know what I want? I'll send you a check the first thing in the morning.

I'll be gone for some time.

I guess that's about all.

Too bad, Paula.

I'm sorry.

Sorry? Why?

I got what I came for, didn't I?

Stella! Stella!

I want to make a statement for the press.

The artist and model's ball tonight.

It is tonight, isn't it? Yes, it's tonight.

Hello, Mac. Hello, Stella. Hello.

Oh, hello.

Cynthia. Hello, Cynthia. How are you? Oh, I was never happier in my life.

I'll be back for that statement tomorrow.

That's fine, Stella. The ball is tonight.

Don't you think I fairly shine today?

A little powder will fix that up. Oh, but I feel like shining. For the first

time in my life, I'm really happy and you're responsible.

I?

Oh, Mac, you have so much to learn about in life.

I guess so.

No father was always going to have a talk with me, but he kept putting it

Darling, don't be so blind.

You know I'm crazy about you.

About me?

Of course.

Haven't we been together almost every night?

Well, yes.

Well, I didn't think your intentions were serious. Of course you did.

Now, wait a minute.

Cynthia, I didn't give you any encouragement.

Yes, you did. You let me kiss you.

Oh, well, that's because I was carried away by the music. I struggled a little.

Darling, you're the dearest thing in the world.

Will you marry me?

Cynthia, this is so sudden.

Well, will you?

What's the matter, dear?

Cynthia, I'm so happy.

Yeah,

I've got to make a note of our engagement.

Oh, I have a splendid idea, Mac. We'll announce our engagement tonight at the

ball. Yeah. Goodbye, dear.

I have a million things to do.

Good morning, Mac.

And a very good morning it is, Paula. Oh, I'm sorry to break your happy mood

with business, but... Do I look okay in this dress?

All right. What's it for?

It's the last of the Townsend silver ads.

Oh, by the way, did you know that Alan was back in town?

Yes. What difference does that make to anyone?

Well... Well, today's the last of the Townsend girl, and I'm glad of it.

Oh, I don't know. I guess I'm tired, Mac.

Oh, well, maybe you've been working too hard, Paula.

Is there anything I can do for you? I mean, do you want an aspirin or an ice

cream soda?

Mac, you're the dearest friend I've ever had, and I mean it.

You're always so gentle and considerate. Well, it's my nature. I can't help. No,

I'm not joking.

I never appreciated you before.

I know I've disappointed you and hurt you.

But, darling, if you still want me, I'd love to become Mrs. Mac Brewster.

You mean that... Yes.

Well, this is a fine time to tell me. Oh, no, don't keep me waiting, Mac,

please. I know it's embarrassing.

Yes, I'm practically married now. And you mean it's yet?

Look, Paula, nobody has to know anything about this, do they? I mean, for a

while, anyway.

Of course, I want everybody to know. We'll announce it at the ball tonight.

Goodbye, sweet.

I have a million things to do.

Thank you.

Pardon me, who is that girl?

Sandra Storm.

England's most famous model.

Oh.

Nice, brother.

What do you think of it?

Fair. A good likeness, but very reminiscent of Russell Patterson's

In fact, it's a dead steel.

Who did it? I did.

Oh, a young man. You'll have to stop imitating Patterson and originate a

of your own.

My name is Russell Pettit.

Oh. Well, it's quite a coincidence, isn't it? I mean, the same style and

name.

Do you know these other illustrators?

John Legatta, Arthur William Brown, McClellan Barkley, Peter Arno? Oh, I

them all.

How do you do, Mr. Arno?

I'm John Legatta.

Well.

Oh, how do you do, Mr. Arno? Arthur William Brown.

Yes, I...

I never forget a fade.

Oh, well, Mr. Arno.

McClellan Barkley. That's what I said.

Hello, Mac.

Nice party tonight, isn't it? Yeah, sure is.

Well, I'll see you later. Thanks, old man.

So, who was that?

Peter Arno.

Oh.

Nice fellow. I'll have to meet him sometime.

Well, say, who's that chap working over there?

Uh, Rube Goldberg.

He's the original surrealist.

Oh, I'll have to get over there and get a load of him, too.

Hello.

Hello. My name is Max Brewster.

Mine's Goldberg, Rube Goldberg. Oh, yes, I know your comic strip, Lollapalooza.

Thanks, old man. I'll do as much for you sometime.

Isn't she beautiful?

I'll say.

Oh, do you mind if I look over your shoulder?

No, I'd love it. It annoys me terribly.

Thanks.

Oh, I don't want to appear critical, but haven't you got her left arm just a

little bit out of place?

That's her foot.

Oh, yes, that explains the shoe.

Well, it's all finished now. What do you think of it?

You mean to say this is her?

Yes, I saw her up there and brought her down here.

Well, the trip certainly didn't do her any good.

A good likeness, really. I'm proud of it.

Well,

you mean to tell me that that's Art?

No, no, that's Sam. That's Art with the beard.

Oh, oh. And what connection has he with the model?

That's her grandfather.

I know him well.

He's an eccentric old fellow, isn't he? He cuts his own beard.

He's mad at the barber.

Oh, well, I can understand that. Yeah, I don't blame him at all.

And look, this birdcage over here, that... That's not a birdcage.

Oh, yes, of course not. There's a bird in it.

You know, Mr. Brewster, I'd like to do your picture sometime.

Well, that would be nice.

You mean, well, if you did my picture, would I look like that?

You look like that already.

I do, don't I? I do.

Well, so long.

So long.

You know, you and I must go out together sometime and have our heads examined.

Oh, why bring them along?

Oh, that's right. We'll have more fun alone.

Goodbye, Mr. Brewster. Goodbye, Mr. Goldberg.

Goodbye.

Frankly, Mother, I can't see why you insisted on coming here tonight. Oh,

common courtesy.

You certainly should congratulate Paula Sewell on being queen.

After all, she is the Townsend girl.

You mean she was the Townsend girl. Well, when I do, we should have a talk

her. She's altogether too cold -blooded for me.

Say, hold that view, mister.

You've got Paula all wrong.

Possibly.

Positively. I've been living with her for three years. I know all about her,

what she thinks and what makes her tick.

We won't discuss the matter.

Any girl that deliberately planned what she planned.

Oh, I've got to straighten you out on that.

Paula planned a lot of things, but she never planned to fall in love with you.

That was sort of a sad accident.

Alan, where are you going?

Zeke, what do you think about all these here beautiful gals?

I ain't a -saying.

It was on a Wednesday night, the moon was shining.

start a beach club.

Oh, look, there it is. Uh -uh, don't tell me. It's Little Lord Puddlewater.

Let's go find a balcony. We're not going to have any fun here. Hello, Mac. Good

evening, Miss Wentworth. Say, listen, Mac, I'm doing the announcing tonight,

know. Just how do you want your gag handled?

The gag?

Oh, yes, I've been instructed to announce your engagement to Miss

11 .30. Oh, yes, yes, surely.

And then at the stroke of midnight, I'm to announce your engagement to Paula

Sewell. Oh, that, that. Well, look, I do that about 12 .30, I think.

You know, I meant to tell you about that, dear. Yes, I know, dear. You've

so busy. Yes.

Neither of those announcements will be necessary, thank you. No, neither?

No, Paula and I talked the whole thing over this afternoon. We understand each

other perfectly.

Well, that's fine. Now, how about me?

Oh, we understand you two.

Well, that clears me up. Now, which one of you two am I going to get, if any?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Yes, any time before the wedding.

And it better be you.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please.

We now offer for your enjoyment a musical sketch entitled Public Melody

with Martha Ray and Louis Armstrong.

Let her go.

Now, you don't...

you cats. You'd better run.

Pull your dog.

There ain't no use of hiding.

I'm gonna take you riding.

Look out for public melodies.

Come on, men.

Go on again.

Let's start rating every rhythm dance.

So look out for public melody number one.

Not two.

mr hoover and your g -men why are you just a lot of abc men when it comes

melody number one

I distinctly remember doing this before.

A girl and I had just fallen into a swimming pool.

Alan, what are you doing here?

Prince Charming is claiming his bride.

At midnight, Cinderella changes into Paula Sewell.

But Paula Sewell is the Townsend girl.

My name is Townsend.

Well...

Well, from now on, Romeo, we'll play on the same balcony.

Just the two of us. For a start.

Hey, boss, have we got it. A great idea for the show next year. The greatest

artist and model boy ever stayed. It's colossal.

Tremendous. Gigantic.

Stupendous. Let's go, dear. This is where I came in.