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1
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,365
Okay, bud,
do you have everything:
2
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:07,677
your lunch, permission slip?
3
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,278
Do you have
your homework?
Yeah.
4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,380
Wait. Do you have
my sunglasses and my phone?
5
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:12,512
Where is my key?
6
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,676
(sighs)
Okay.
7
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,275
Okay, don't worry
about me.
8
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,417
But if you get a chance,
call me, okay?
9
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,091
It might help me
find my phone.
10
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,390
Okay, Mom.
11
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,521
Okay, yeah, bye, lovey.
12
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:22,455
I love you.
See you, Mom.
13
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:23,820
Okay, bye, sweetheart.
14
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,487
(horn honking persistently)
15
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,697
MAN:
What are you doing?!
16
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:32,070
I'm so sorry.
Just let me back up.
17
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,400
WOMAN:
Hey, hey, hey!
Don't back up!
18
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:34,574
Don't back up!
(horn honks)
19
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,442
Oops! Okay. Forward!
20
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,240
Going forward!
21
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,712
That'll buff out.
22
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,210
(horns honking)
23
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:44,282
Oh, boy.
What is Christine doing now?
24
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,682
Hey!
25
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,423
Oh...
26
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:50,348
Sorry. I saw a backwards car.
I naturally assumed.
27
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,824
(honking continuing)
28
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,422
MAN:
Pull forward!
29
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,424
Oh, God, now Christine's
trying to back up.
30
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,626
I'm right here!
31
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,459
Your hair's a mess.
32
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,264
(honking)
33
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,197
alright! Okay!
34
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,603
I'm backing up!
(horn honks)
35
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,144
alright,
I... I'm backing up!
36
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:12,840
(horns honking)
37
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,613
Excuse me. Hey, hey,
you know what?
38
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,542
You're not going to be able
to turn around here.
39
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,547
You need to make a loop
around the Kellogg Quad,
40
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,479
then go pass the cafetorium
41
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,724
and then come back
by the pergola.
42
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,719
Got it.
Do you?
43
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,151
No.
44
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,746
Okay. Uh, yeah.
I can show you.
45
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,387
Sweetheart,
why don't you come out.
46
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,762
I'm going to show your dad
where to park.
47
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:30,820
I'll find out
what a cafetorium is.
48
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,458
I'll be there in five minutes.
49
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,134
WOMAN:
Come on. Let's go!
50
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:37,433
Okay...
Are you affiliated
with the school,
51
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:40,425
or is this just
a really sexy carjacking?
52
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,268
Oh, no. I'm a parent.
53
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,273
A really sexy parent.
54
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,465
I'm Christine.
55
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,806
Oh, Mike.
Hi.
56
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,480
Okay, so, you know what?
57
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,639
Try to squeeze through here--
58
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,348
I use this as a road--
59
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:54,420
and then try to pull up
over there--
60
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,148
I use that as a parking space.
61
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:59,554
I mean, it's fine.
There's never been a fire, so...
62
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,230
So, I haven't seen you
around here before.
63
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,903
Ah, it's our first day.
64
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,171
We, uh, started the year late
'cause my son had mono.
65
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:14,371
Oh.
Yeah.
66
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:15,902
I'm a little overwhelmed
67
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,466
'cause my wife usually
handles all this stuff,
68
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,505
but she's out of town
on business.
69
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,740
I really miss her.
70
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,584
We've been
together forever.
71
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,180
You know,
high school sweethearts.
72
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,312
Oh...
73
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:27,516
We have a wonderful life.
74
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,318
I'm divorced.
75
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,750
Oh, thank God,
me too.
76
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,554
I didn't want to make
a bad impression.
77
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,517
Wow. It's okay.
You're gonna be fine.
78
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,527
And Westbridge is
such a great school.
79
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,629
Yeah, it seems
like it.
Yeah.
80
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,531
My kid's in the gifted
and talented program.
81
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,874
Oh, wow. That's impressive.
82
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,539
He's not.
83
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,539
He's got ADD.
84
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,541
What is the matter with you?
85
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,544
I don't know.
86
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:59,847
Look, I was new here
a few years ago, too,
87
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,580
and I was a real mess.
88
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:03,946
Oh!
89
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,494
Here's my key!
90
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,820
Anyway, you're going to be fine.
91
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,955
You know, I could
sure use someone
92
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,560
to show me the ropes
around here.
93
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:15,302
Oh, sorry.
94
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,229
I have a boyfriend.
95
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,595
Oh, no.
96
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,302
Did you think I was
asking you out?
97
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,674
No.
98
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,344
Yeah, I'm actually
nowhere close to dating.
99
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,444
I still have some healing
to do from the divorce.
100
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:29,876
Well, for me,
I knew I was ready
101
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,480
when I stopped wearing
slippers to work.
102
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,722
You'll get there.
103
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,391
And his name is Mike,
104
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,456
and he's just like me.
105
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,264
We're both single parents.
106
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,426
We're both really political.
You're political?
107
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,834
Yeah, I have a black boyfriend.
108
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,466
When are they going
to put you on a stamp?
109
00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:56,502
I don't know. Anyway...
110
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,407
I am going to be his mentor.
111
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,539
I'm going to give him
the benefit of my experience.
112
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,614
And you're sure he doesn't want
to be more than just friends?
113
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,653
Well, he did ask me out.
114
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,619
And I told him right up front
I have a black boyfriend.
115
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,379
He seemed disappointed.
116
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,318
So is everyone when they hear
you use the phrase
117
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,993
"black boyfriend."
118
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:17,531
I mean, I'm just so happy
to have a friend at that school.
119
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:18,928
And guess what?
120
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,759
Ritchie's finally come
into his own, too.
121
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,604
He joined the handbell choir.
122
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,000
Oh, really?
Was the Wedgie Club full?
123
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:28,902
I will have you know
that the handbell choir
124
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,766
is the most popular elective
at that school
125
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:35,375
among kids who are not good
at sports or other things.
126
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,523
Okay, so just pick
the three you want
127
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:42,579
and we will let you know.
128
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,976
MIKE:
Okay.
129
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:44,847
Hey, Mike.
130
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,545
What are you guys doing?
131
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,617
Mike's deciding which jobs
to volunteer for.
132
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,586
Just something we involved
parents at the school do.
133
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,064
When you're at work.
134
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,762
Hey, I'm on the earthquake
phone tree.
135
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,564
If I don't have anything to do
136
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,396
it's Mother Nature's fault,
it's not mine.
137
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,702
(sotto voce):
I should probably try to find
that contact list.
138
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,035
Ooh, come on. I have
to get over to maintenance
139
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,641
to find out the name
of that guy I want fired.
140
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:06,973
Oh, right. Fun.
Okay, see you later, Mike.
141
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,777
Bye, Mike.
Bye.
142
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,679
So what do you got here?
143
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,582
Oh, oh, no-no-no.
144
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,684
You don't want to sign up
for lost-and-found duty.
145
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,616
Everything in there
has poop on it.
146
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,392
I had a very bad
thermos experience.
147
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,395
So what should I sign up for?
148
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,958
Well, it's tricky
149
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,496
because you want something
that gets you noticed,
150
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,802
gets you credit, but you don't
have to work too hard.
151
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,774
Well, isn't the point
of volunteering to participate?
152
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,540
Come on. We're not like
Marly and Lindsay.
153
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:42,905
We're single parents.
154
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:43,783
We have to be careful
with our time.
155
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,651
You know what?
156
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,879
Maybe I can find room for you
on the earthquake phone tree.
157
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,715
I don't have a phone yet.
158
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,490
Odds are you won't need one.
159
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,389
Hey, listen, you want to go
get a cup of coffee?
160
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,621
What about the parent coffee?
Aren't you going to that?
161
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,726
The... uh, the what?
162
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,158
The Tuesday afternoon coffee.
163
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,792
Marly and Lindsay
just told me about it.
164
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,729
Oh... the Tuesday coffee.
165
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,725
Oh, I forgot it was Tuesday.
166
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,637
(yowls)
167
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,399
For some reason
I thought it was Thursday,
168
00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:14,538
but it is not actually
that day called Thursday.
169
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:17,545
Uh, so I'm not going today...
170
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,448
uh, Tuesday.
171
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,720
Well, Marly and Lindsay are
kind of expecting me, so...
172
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:23,780
Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah,
you should go.
173
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,147
Yeah, you're new, you know.
174
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,945
You haven't been
a thousand times like me,
175
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:30,417
so I have a boyfriend, so...
176
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,197
I'm going to go upstairs
and polish my bells.
177
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,642
Boy, he's growing up fast.
178
00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:45,169
I could never talk about
that stuff with our mom.
179
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,165
She did ask you
to take shorter showers.
180
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,975
Marly and Lindsay
are unbelievable.
181
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,175
You are not going
to believe what they did.
182
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,747
Thus, your description of it
as unbelievable.
183
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,187
I asked you not to use
the word "thus."
184
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,461
And I've asked you
to flush after you pee.
185
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,928
They are so jealous
of my new friendship
186
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:12,931
that they lied about some fake
afternoon phony coffee thing
187
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,196
just so they could spend time
with my friend Mark.
188
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,705
You mean Mike?
Whoever. New guy.
189
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,669
The point is,
190
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,708
they saw that we had
a connection,
191
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,753
and so they're trying
to lure him away
192
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,808
with some fake
afternoon thing.
193
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,217
Oh, it's not fake.
They do it every week.
194
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,718
What? You've been?
195
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,490
No.
196
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,723
Am I bleeding?
197
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,055
What? What happened?
198
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,929
I hit myself in the head
with my bell.
199
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:41,088
Be careful. You don't want to be
the bell ringer in the helmet.
200
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,028
I've got to keep practicing.
201
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:46,103
Our first parent concert
of the season is this Thursday.
202
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,073
Th... uh, there's
a whole season?
203
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,711
Mrs. Jones says that if I don't
get the timing right,
204
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:55,241
she's going to tape my clapper.
205
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:57,605
They're doing drag shows
at that school now?
206
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:58,845
Yeah, isn't it great?
207
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,283
No, I was kidding.
208
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,954
Hey, that's not
what you're doing.
209
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,223
Don't repeat that.
That's a family joke.
210
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,260
Richard, did you know
about this coffee thing
211
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:13,892
they have every week
after school?
212
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,927
Yeah, they invited me.
I never go.
213
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:16,863
It's too crowded.
214
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:17,967
I don't like big groups.
215
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,598
Big groups?
216
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,743
Does everyone go?
Not everyone.
217
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,539
Who doesn't go?
You.
218
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,535
Well, I'm going today.
219
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,144
Oh, don't make a scene.
220
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,805
I'm not gonna. I'm just
gonna have a cup of coffee.
221
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,243
I don't know why you even care.
222
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,608
I care because
I'm Mike's mentor.
223
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,077
And it is my responsibility
to warn him
224
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,746
that he's fallen in
with the wrong crowd.
225
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,015
Plus, we had a real connection.
226
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,092
We have fun together.
227
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,690
What is the matter with you?
228
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,093
I don't know.
229
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,555
Those meanie moms have
everything already.
230
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,555
They're not getting
my friend, too.
231
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,635
(indistinct chattering)
232
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,708
(whispering):
Hey, Mike.
233
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,589
Mike!
234
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,030
Mark!
235
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,932
(shouts):
Mike!
236
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,641
(mouthing words)
237
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,043
Hey, I thought you weren't
going to make it.
Hey.
238
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,175
Yeah, well, I'm not staying.
239
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:37,339
Listen, I just
came to tell you
240
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,147
you are making a big mistake.
241
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,879
You do not want to hang around
with these people.
242
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,354
What people?
243
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,822
Well, most of these people,
but specifically
244
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,252
Marly and Lindsay.
245
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,356
They're really, really mean.
246
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,818
Oh, no, they've been nice to me.
247
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,157
Yeah, of course, well,
248
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,362
they're only being nice to you
as a way of being mean to me.
249
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,165
I'm telling you they are catty.
They gossip.
250
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,068
They're judgmental.
They're too skinny.
251
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,000
They don't work,
but they got nannies
252
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,035
raising their awful kids,
you know...
253
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,341
Christine, stop.
I don't want to hear this.
254
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,743
No, no, no, but I'm just telling
you for your own good.
255
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:11,376
Well, look, I'm trying to fit
in here for my son's sake.
256
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,381
I mean, he's had mono.
He's in a new school.
257
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,123
The divorce was hard on him.
258
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,248
It's been a tough year
for the Gays.
259
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,924
What?
260
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,862
Gay. That's our last name.
261
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,919
Wow.
262
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,927
Yeah. Things are tough.
263
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,757
That's why you need me.
264
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:29,956
I can help you.
265
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,067
These women are
just plain mean.
266
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,669
Do you know that they have been
having this coffee
267
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:37,442
for like two years and they have
never once invited me?
268
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,670
They don't include me
in anything.
269
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,067
Well, did you ever
think it might be
270
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,208
because of how you act?
271
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,212
No.
272
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,284
Every piece of advice
you've given me
273
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,923
is how to get out
of being involved,
274
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,318
who to avoid,
who to ignore...
275
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,279
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm your mentor.
276
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,322
I'm sorry. I-I just can't
277
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,964
afford to align
myself with a...
278
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,330
a meanie mom.
279
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,158
What?!
280
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,963
Meanie mom? Me?!
281
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,295
No-no-no.
No, I'm not mean.
alright.
282
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,131
I'm the nice one.
283
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,336
Oh, yeah, great, walk away
if that's what you think.
284
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,998
Well, that's the last time
I help the Gays!
285
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,312
(handbell rings)
286
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,453
(quietly):
One, two, three, four, five.
287
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,417
(handbell rings)
288
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,419
(mouthing)
289
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,121
That's it.
290
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:27,453
Awesome, dude. Awesome.
291
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:29,486
You guys want to hear it again?
292
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,362
Oh, no.
293
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,261
You don't want to over-rehearse
and blow out your wrist
294
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,163
right before
the big concert tomorrow.
295
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,996
As it is, I'm going to be
singing that song all day.
296
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,732
Okay. I'm going to go upstairs
297
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,368
and try on my outfit
for the concert.
298
00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:47,172
Man, even the violin kids
299
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,937
are going to beat the crap
out of him.
300
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,081
Welp...
301
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:56,283
the new guy's a douche.
302
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,186
I thought he was
your best friend.
303
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,188
I barely know the guy.
304
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,060
What is the matter
with you?
305
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,019
I don't know.
306
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,155
He thinks I'm judgmental.
307
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,304
He thinks I'm mean.
308
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,398
Shut up. I'm not mean.
309
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:13,200
I'm not as mean
as Marly and Lindsay.
310
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,103
But Mike thinks
it's my own fault.
311
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,195
He thinks if I were nicer to
them, they would be nicer to me.
312
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,507
Man, he is a douche.
313
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,410
You know, I have
bent over backwards
314
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,213
to fit in at that school.
315
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,845
He was there for one day,
316
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,420
and they've already invited him
to the coffee.
317
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,018
How have you bent over
backwards?
318
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:30,950
I don't tell you everything.
319
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,094
Yes, you do.
320
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,919
Do you really think
321
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,194
that if I extended myself
322
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,922
those women would
be nicer to me?
323
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,287
I guess there's no way
to find out.
324
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:47,304
Okay, now, pick that
one up and move it.
325
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,306
Okay, now pick that
one up and move it.
326
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,211
Good.
327
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,877
Hey, guys.
328
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,375
Hey, I hope I'm
not too late.
329
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,246
I'm here to volunteer
for the concert setup.
330
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,585
What's going on?
331
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,119
Do you need
a character reference
332
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,855
for an upcoming custody hearing?
333
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,258
Nope.
334
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,062
I just had some free time.
335
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,534
I mean, if there's
an earthquake,
336
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:17,432
then I'm going to have
to rush to a phone.
337
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,274
(laughs)
338
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:22,339
Uh, but, um,
right now here I am.
339
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,539
Oh, hi, Mike.
340
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:24,910
Christine.
341
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,308
I'm so glad you
decided to come.
342
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,109
Yeah, well, I was able
to move my Friday thing
343
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,281
to Wednesday.
344
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,080
So...
It is Wednesday.
345
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:35,022
Right. This is my Friday thing.
346
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,279
What's the matter with you?
347
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,847
I don't know.
348
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,290
So, uh, what are we doing?
349
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,521
Well, so far I moved
some chairs around,
350
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:44,886
put in the risers,
351
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,285
and I, uh, judged
a tummy contest
352
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,327
between Marly and Lindsay.
353
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,301
I won.
354
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,300
The judge said,
"Both very nice."
355
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:56,072
Lindsay, second place
is nothing to be ashamed of.
356
00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,311
So, look at you.
357
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,380
Yeah, oh, no, no,
I'm not in the tummy contest.
358
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,379
I'm getting my period
in three days,
359
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,311
God willing.
360
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,454
I have a boyfriend, so...
361
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,222
So you and your boyfriend
are having intercourse.
362
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,894
It's good to know.
363
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,623
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm just... I'm so nervous.
364
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,487
You know, I don't really hang
around these people much,
365
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,557
but the truth is,
I thought about what you said
366
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,495
and, I don't know,
maybe you're right.
367
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:27,331
Maybe I've closed myself off
to the people at this school,
368
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,497
so here I am.
369
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,396
I don't know what I'm going
to say to them, but...
370
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:32,508
We're just...
371
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,109
we're from two different worlds.
372
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,511
We really don't have
anything in common.
373
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,082
MARLY:
I'm opening up the Chardonnay.
374
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:39,180
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh.
375
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,323
So I finally just
had to let her go.
376
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,352
I mean, if you don't know what
side the buttons go on a duvet
377
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,017
what are you even
doing in this country?
378
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,287
I got this guy at Subway
379
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,025
who never gets
my sandwich right.
380
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:55,601
I mean, how hard is it?
381
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:59,028
Six-inch turkey on whole wheat,
lettuce, tomato, pickles.
382
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,667
Yeah, I don't think
I'd be good on a farm.
383
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,372
No, no, no.
384
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,274
It's not a farm.
It's a sandwich shop.
385
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,236
You know, they're everywhere.
Subway.
386
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:14,113
I'm tired from trying
to understand what she's saying.
387
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,247
Yeah, who else is here?
388
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,552
Marly?
389
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,688
You know what?
I'm worried about you.
390
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,563
You're worried about me?
391
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:29,132
Yeah, I mean, I know
it's none of my business, but...
392
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,302
(whispering):
you seem awfully thin.
393
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,431
I do?
394
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,565
Dangerously.
395
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,070
Christine.
396
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,543
You are so sweet.
397
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,569
Are you worried about me?
398
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,553
I think you might be
getting too tan.
399
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,423
And I even wear sunblock.
400
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,478
It's just from driving around
with the top down.
401
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,363
Okay, pal.
402
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:02,734
Go backstage with the band.
403
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,562
We're not a band.
We're a choir.
404
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,067
I know, honey.
405
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,640
Here, take my picture.
406
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:11,398
Okay.
407
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:12,708
CHRISTINE:
Thank God you brought that.
408
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,169
At the Christmas concert,
I had to pretend
409
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:18,007
my birth control pills
were a camera.
410
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,605
Christine, hey,
we saved you a seat.
411
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,106
Ooh.
Be careful.
412
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:22,478
I saw this movie.
413
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:25,185
They dump pig's blood
on you at the prom.
414
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,488
You know what, Richard?
415
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,749
You need to be
a little less negative.
416
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,457
Okay, they're not so bad.
417
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,559
They drink their Chardonnay
two glasses at a time
418
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,061
just like the rest of us.
419
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,463
What's going on with you?
420
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,134
I finally figured it out, okay?
421
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,503
Getting along
422
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,330
is the way to go;
it's better for me.
423
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,296
It's better for Ritchie.
Well, I'm not sitting with them.
424
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,204
Yeah, I don't think
anyone asked you.
425
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,337
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey.
426
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,043
Thanks for saving me a seat.
You're next to me.
427
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,475
Until intermission,
then you're next to me.
428
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,279
Wow, I haven't been
this popular
429
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:54,381
since that nympho rumor went
around about me in high school.
430
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,775
I'm not a nympho.
431
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:59,216
Just regular.
432
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,486
What? What, is there
something on my face?
433
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:06,555
You look cute.
434
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,703
Oh, thanks.
435
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,098
What about me?
Bad breath.
436
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:15,071
So, you know, Christine,
after the coffee on Tuesdays,
437
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,602
some of us go to another
place for coffee
438
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,236
and we talk about the people
from the first coffee.
439
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,111
You should totally come.
440
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,269
But keep it to yourself
441
00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:21,507
'cause we don't invite everyone.
442
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:22,841
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
443
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,505
I'll try to make it.
Okay.
444
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,514
I wasn't invited
to that coffee.
445
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,576
I can't help you now.
446
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,718
(applause)
447
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,222
Hi, yeah.
448
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,657
Yeah, I see your bell.
449
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,631
Welcome to our first
evening concert
450
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,330
of the Westbridge
Handbell Choir.
451
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,533
The Ring-A-Ding-Dings.
452
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,734
Oh, God.
453
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:48,435
I'm going to give him a wedgie.
454
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:52,439
One, two, three.
455
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:55,512
(handbells chime
"Beautiful Dreamer")
456
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,619
(cell phone chiming)
457
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,555
Hello?
458
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,427
Oh, hi.
459
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,566
I'm at Kelsey's concert.
460
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,201
No, it's fine.
What's up?
461
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,896
*
462
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,337
Are you kidding?
463
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,584
Are you okay?
464
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,908
Shh.
465
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,642
No, of course
I won't tell anyone.
466
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,583
Carly's marriage is over.
467
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,915
You're kidding?!
468
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,589
Oh, my God, your breath!
What's happening?
469
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,288
I don't know.
I'm on a cleanse.
470
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,360
Shh!
471
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,189
Carly just called me.
She's getting a divorce.
472
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,734
She told me not to tell anybody.
473
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:46,928
(sniffs):
Is something burning?
474
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,359
It's Lindsay's insides.
475
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,598
Shh!
476
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,600
Can you believe this?
477
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,601
They're your friends.
478
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,435
Come on, Lindsay.
479
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,269
Don't be mad.
We're your friends.
480
00:18:58,305 --> 00:18:59,705
Look, if it was you,
you'd want us to tell you.
481
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,709
It is me!
482
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,581
Oh, my God.
483
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,510
Look, just have a mint.
(mints rattling)
484
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,445
I'm on a cleanse.
I don't want the mint.
Take a mint.
485
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,650
(arguing)
Would you please shut up?
486
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,653
My God, your kids are
performing on stage.
487
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,186
I have never experienced
488
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:18,392
such self-involved rudeness
in my life.
489
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,855
I don't like the way
that you're talking to us.
490
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,833
Well, I don't care
what you like.
491
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,462
I'm here for my son.
492
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,527
Come on, I can't be
493
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,525
the only one who
feels this way.
494
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,537
Unbelievable.
And you.
495
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,839
Can't you put the cell phone
down for one minute?
496
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,471
I'm just holding up the phone
497
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,506
so his father can hear the bells
in Fallujah.
498
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,612
Well, we don't care
who you're talking to.
499
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,614
Oh, no, no, we do care.
500
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,706
Yeah, yeah, Fallujah is okay.
501
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,845
You're okay.
502
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:48,224
Would the rest of you
please be quiet
503
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:51,215
so I can hear
my son's stupid bell solo?
504
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:52,728
That would be great.
505
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:56,529
Well, you can forget
about the coffee.
506
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,333
And the after-coffee.
507
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,740
(rings final note of song)
508
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,736
(applause)
509
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,618
I have to go turn in my bells
to Mrs. Jones.
510
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,823
Get one more picture
of me with them.
Okay.
511
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,023
Oh, my battery died.
512
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,427
Oh. Oh, that's okay.
513
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,729
I've got it.
514
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,355
(mimics shutter clicking)
515
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,767
Oh, that's gonna
be a good one.
516
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,269
Can I see it?
517
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,437
Wow.
518
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,909
Oh...
519
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,910
Hey, Christine!
520
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,981
Hey, Christine.
521
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,880
It's hard to run in slippers.
522
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,982
Hey, I just wanted to say
I thought it was really great
523
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,754
the way you yelled
at everyone back there.
524
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,852
If you liked that, you would
have loved our marriage.
525
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,924
Here, go get these developed.
526
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,058
So, what now?
527
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,430
Well, I don't think there are
going to be any more coffees,
528
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,800
but if there's an earthquake,
we will rule the school.
529
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,669
So sit back, cross your fingers
and hope for the Big One.
530
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:16,839
I'm going to need a new mentor.
531
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:26,853
I'm going to need a new mentor.
35062
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