Original subtitles

[sighs] Right.

All right. Meeting in a janitor's closet.

Just another perk of saving this town on a daily basis.

Yeah, it's like the bat cave, but instead of cool computers,

we got sawdust to soak up vomit.

Don't underestimate the power of vomit sawdust.

They served pizza burgers for lunch.

- [laughs] - Yeah.

[chuckling] Well, okay.

- Lyle, can we see that? - Right, I tracked this down

on the way to school.

- Definitely leaked from the game. - Yeah, with this iron work,

no doubt the craftsmanship of the dwarves of Kajackisham.

Plus, it says "Made in Kajackisham."

I got two more of these in the trunk of my car.

-I've got a couple in my locker. -And I've got two.

Which makes... several?

Looks to me like a puzzle quest

is leaking out IRL.

Got a bad feeling that a horrible creature is coming,

and we're gonna need whatever these make

to defeat it.

Let's call Max!

He programmed Conqueror of All Worlds.

- He'll know what's up, right? - No.

Yeah. We'll just call Max.

Wait. That's a good idea.

- What? - It is.

Congratulations, Dante.

Your first good idea.

It's a moment worth documenting. My mom's gonna want to see this.

Hey. This is my office!

How 'bout y'all show a little respect?

Triple cheez-os?

Oh, I can never stay mad at you guys!

Come here!

[Dante laughs uncomfortably]

[camera clicks]

Hey, uh, Angie, could I talk to you for a sec?

No posed shots today, Gus.

But wear your favorite shirt every day!

And maybe, just maybe,

it'll make it into the yearbook.

All right. Also, I was wondering if possibly,

perhaps you'd like to go to a movie or something?

Sometime? With me?

Oh, Gus. That's really sweet of you to ask.

[sighs] But I have a boyfriend.

You do? Who is it?

His name is Steve Schmidt.

- He doesn't go to our school. - Oh. Okay.

That's cool. That Steve Schmidt's a lucky guy.

I'm a lucky girl, because Steve Schmidt

is an awesome dude.

He must be.

[whispers] You can go to class now, Gus.

So, Angie, since when do you have a boyfriend?

Since never. I made up Steve Schmidt

as a way to nicely say no to the guys

that I don't want to go out with.

So Steve Schmidt doesn't exist.

Steve Schmidt is as real as the report card

you showed your mom.

[laughing] That wasn't real at--

Oh! Oh, I get it!

That's quite a victory for you.

Score one for me.

[Wyatt] Just let me talk to Max, okay?

What's so important? And make it quick.

I'm getting fitted for new torso magnets in 20.

- Mm? - Hmm?

You wouldn't understand

because you're not a billionaire.

Max. Seven of these pieces leaked from the game.

We just want to know what they make.

No idea. I subcontract out the programming

of low-level fetch and assemble quests

to a ten-year-old girl in China.

And not because she's cheap, but because she is good.

[sighs] Sorry, Wyatt.

Guess we'll have to just let whatever horrible creature

leaks out just wreak havoc on the town.

I mean, it's not like anybody here will be held personally

and legally responsible for any damage.

All right. All right.

Maybe there's a way I can help.

- Follow me. - Follow you? You won't give us a ride?

No.

What is this? A back alley?

How's a grody back alley going to help us?

It's not just a grody back alley, Wyatt,

it's a grody back alley next to a stanky building.

It's not just a stanky building.

- Door up. - [motor whirs, alarm sounds]

I don't know what those pieces make,

but you can use this place to store them,

and figure it out.

[Max] Low-level humanoids,

welcome to a little place I like to call the Beta House

because this is where you keep your inventions

that are in the beta stage, right?

This is where I keep my beta inventions

that are in the beta stage.

My alpha inventions that are in the beta stage

are at the mansion.

Look at those servers!

And how long has that robot been going to town on that treadmill?

He's not going anywhere.

- It's a treadmill. - [laughing]

Lock up after you leave.

Or don't! These are the beta betas.

The alpha betas are the real gems.

What? You're giving us the keys?

You can store and assemble those pieces you're finding,

you can hang out whenever you want to discuss leaks,

and do whatever... non-geniuses do.

I've got to run. I'm late for a camel rodeo.

Dudes, do you know what this means?

Yeah, man! We just got a sweet HQ!

An "HQ"? So what?

We don't need an HQ, we need...

a central location where we could store our weapons and stuff--

or we can meet and plan-- you know, like a home base No!

A headquarters! That's what we need.

- Dante. - Don't Dante me.

I'm 100% right about this.

Dante. "HQ" stands for... headquarters.

I didn't know we were talking in code.

C-057, Mississippi River, Mississippi.

Huh?

See? Doesn't feel too good to be left out, does it?

[Wyatt] This place is amazing! It's got everything we need!

Desks, chairs,

wi-fi-- This place is better than the business center

- at the Motel Inn. - Desks and chairs?

You're killing me with the boring, dude.

Look at the stuff that we have to mess around with!

Think fast!

- Caw! Caw! - Caw! Caw!

- Caw-- - Caw!

- [clucking] - [clucking]

- [chuckles] - Hey, let's get the pieces and start assembling.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the rush?

We have to build something. Otherwise, we're not going

to be prepared to deal with the next creature

that leaks IRL.

Okay. Listen. You're too tight, dude!

We gotta-- We gotta loosen you up!

I got it! Let's--

throw a party up in this H-Q!

[chuckles] Ha, ha, no way, Dante.

I don't host parties. I get invited to them.

We're not going to throw a party, okay?

We're not gonna wreck, or expose our new HQ.

I'm ashamed of you two.

What sort of decent, self-respecting teenage boy

gets handed the keys to a killer pad like this

and doesn't throw a party-- What are you, a pilgrim?

Yeah, Alexis, you'd think that a parallelogram

is different than a rhomboid, but in fact,

a rhomboid is a type of parallelogram!

If you want, we can grab a "something-ccino" one night and discuss.

But not Saturday night, because I'll be studying for my A.P. History test,

which is on Monday?

Yeah, I'm not so sure I-- Dana!

- Yeah? - Did you get that thing I sent you?

- Mm-hmm. - We should talk about it, right now.

You want a real shot at Alexis?

Run into her at a party. You'd be loose.

You could have more game. You'd think of something better

to hit her up about than a rhombus.

We're not throwing a party.

Check it out! I found another leaked piece.

I'm going to the Beta House right after school to start assembling.

I know we're not throwing a party.

- But Steve Schmidt is. - Steve Schmidt?

Oh, you gotta go to Steve Schmidt's party.

He is so cool, he graduated from high school

when he was 12, then graduated from college when he was 15--

and now he's kickin' it hardcore before he goes to med school.

- Seriously? - Mm-hmm.

That guy's-- Wait a minute.

Steve Schmidt is Angie's fake boyfriend.

- Steve Schmidt doesn't exist. - Exactly!

Let me see that flyer.

- This is our HQ! - Shh!

You can't have the made-up Steve Schmidt host a party

at our HQ...

Look at you, Wyatt. You're an old man at 16.

I mean, have you ever turned in an assignment late?

- Of course not. - Have you ever borrowed a research paper

- from the Internet? - No. That would be cheating.

That's good to know. That's a gray area for me.

I will not be turning that paper in-- Hey! Hey!

Have you ever slept buck-naked with no blanket

and the windows open in December to catch a cold

just so you can miss school for a Star Trekmarathon?

Why would I do that, when I could just DVR the Star Trek?

Uhh! To miss school!

Give yourself a break, Wyatt.

Sometimes you have to take two steps backward

to take one step forward!

You really think Alexis will be there?

Everyone will be there.

Hey, listen. Can't assemble pieces of Friday.

I'm going to an off-the-chain party hosted by the awesome Steve Schmidt.

Here's the flyer.

Time to break out my party hoodie.

Time to stare off into the distance with victory.

♪ [rap]

This is the coolest place ever.

How did Steve Schmidt get it? I mean, he's our age.

Totally, but one time Steve Schmidt went to Vegas,

passed himself off as 21, and hit the poker tournament.

The dude's a straight genius with numbers and odds, so--

of course, he won loads of cash--

most of it's in a Swiss bank account,

but he bought this place to store all his stuff.

Well, none of it surprises me.

I knew Steve Schmidt would amount to something

when I met him at camp.

You met Steve Schmidt at camp?

Oh, yeah. He was my first kiss.

Hey! I see him over by the chips.

I'm gonna go say hi...

Man, if this were my warehouse, I'd do exactly what Steve Schmidt's done.

- Except with a half-pipe. - Awesome!

You should mention that, because Steve Schmidt told me

- that's next on his list. - Oh, man, Steve Schmidt's like a god!

Mm-hmm.

Hey... I think I saw him playing the Frog Cop machine.

- Is he about this tall? - Yep.

- And his hair-- - Exactly.

- And he's wearing-- - Without a doubt, that was him.

Oh, man! I should have said hi.

Right on. Steve Schmidt's an approachable dude.

- What's up, Angie? - What's weird Karl doing?

He's staring at our leaked pieces.

I can see that. But it's like he's in a trance.

- It's creepy! - That's because weird Karl's

done too much sudoku.

I hear he can't even get out of bed before he knocks a puzzle out.

Messed with his mind, man. Now he only thinks in patterns.

That's sad.

Brace faces, line up.

Angie! [chuckles]

How is it even possible that you, out of every girl

in Daventry Hills, landed Steve Schmidt?

You know, I used to have braces, too.

And then when the orthodontist said I could take them off,

I got them off!

This party's dead. Braces, out!

[laughs] That was fun.

[sleigh bells ring]

What's up, Weird Karl?

[clears throat] You digging the party?

Good talk.

[humming sound]

So Steve Schmidt calls, and it's like, "Hey, Wyatt,

"let's hit up that college lecture on differential equations

and friction coefficients."

And I'm like, "Steve, I don't feel right

"hogging you to myself on Friday night, you know?

Throw a party! Share yourself with the people!"

I like you. Who are you?

Don't answer. I'm going to give you a name.

Just let me think...

- Fun guy! - Fun...

'Cause you're a guy, and you're fun!

Refill, Fun Guy?

Yeah, man.

Aerosol cheese. You know it's good...

'cause it comes from a can!

All right. Seriously, that's-- Got it.

Who wants cheese? You?

- Hi, Wyatt. - Hey! Alexis.

I hear you know Steve Schmidt.

I more than know him, we hang out all the time, so--

[gasps] Buy a girl a can of soda?

- They're free. - [giggles]

I know! I was being cutesy-flirty.

Ohh!

Good job, then. Come on!

Let's get some crackers for this.

See? Weird Karl's doing something with those pieces, man.

Wyatt would want to know about this.

That is exactly why we're not going to tell him.

That's my boy!

[contacts clicking, humming]

Whoa...

What are you guys doing tomorrow night?

Well, Schmitty and I were going to build a solar-powered bike

tomorrow night-- but if you're free...

Maybe I could slot you in. We could go see a movie.

- Or something. - I'd love to, Wyatt!

But don't you have to study tomorrow night

- for your AP history test? - What? No!

No, that's the old me.

I mean, the new me is like, dude--

Chill! Smell the roses.

[inhaling through his nose]

Or the girl's hair that smells exactly like roses.

Tomorrow night's perfect.

What time do you want to meet up?

How about, uh-- [cell phone ringing]

Oh, fig pudding. Gotta go.

Wait, Wyatt!

Oh, excuse me, ladies and gents.

Schmitty needs some help putting together the next playlist.

Excuse me.

- We got a serious situation. - I'll say we do.

I saw you with Alexis. Wait, you need kissing advice?

Okay. First of all, close your eyes,

because it creeps out a girl when your eyeball's a inch from hers.

Really? 'Cause I find that's the most awesome part,

like possible eyeball-to-eyeball contact?

That's how I'll know when I've found the right one.

Fascinating. But not now. Somebody assembled the pieces,

and now there's this giant object that's glowing.

And humming!

[softly] Oh, man. Maybe we should have told him.

Told me what?

Weird Karl was going all sudoku on the pieces.

Come on, guys. Why wouldn't you tell me that

someone was making a monster magnet right here at our HQ?

- [phone chirps] - Oh, okay! Okay! The leak...

is almost here! We gotta get everybody out!

- What, now? - Yes! Now!

Chill, Wyatt. I got this.

- I got it. - Come on.

- Listen up! - [music, shouting, laughing]

- Listen up, everybody! - [needle scraping record]

Just a heads up:

Fire!

It's okay. Steve Schmidt told me this place was fire retardant.

- Fire! - Retardant!

[chanting] Fire... retardant...

Fire... retardant...

Fire... retardant... Fire... retardant...

No one's leaving. And look.

The leak is on this block.

All right. Desperate times, dudes.

Wizza's gonna have to break out a little bit of his magic.

Let 'er rip.

Skedaddle-dactyl!

Yo, the robot's doing the Dinosaur!

Hey, let's make the dinosaur do the Robot!

- Yes! - It's easy.

What? Are you kidding me?

Wait. Wait, what are we going to do?

- The leak thing's almost here. - Stand back, Angie.

You're about to see something ugly.

[whirring, banging]

Hey, girls and boys! I hear there's a party goin' on!

[laughing] Let's all circle up,

so I can make everyone some balloon animals.

This is not going to be like my 10th birthday party all over again!

I said circle up! NOW!

- [all screaming] - [clown laughing]

Oh, look. A tiny car with a bunch of your friends in it.

Huh?

[laughing] What a clown!

[phone beeping]

Totally saved the day. It was a miracle.

You didn't save anything! The leak is right outside the door!

Just grab the-- the thingamathing.

[Angie] What is that?

- I have no idea. - No. I think it's a magic window.

We can hide behind it!

- What are you guys doing? - Hiding from the thing you're hiding behind.

Hold on.

Oh, this is gonna be bad!

♪ [jazz trumpet]

Greetings and salutations.

You have completed Prince Aerospin's Fetch Quest

and have assembled the Button of Kajackisham!

What the...

Well earned, brethren! Well earned!

[trumpet blast]

- Whoa! - What just happened?

We just unlocked our first achievement trophy.

- I.R.L. - [laughing]

That's cool.

Even cooler, now we have a place to show it off.

Just another beni of having an HQ.

That's code for headquarters.

Well, this is code for walking away.

Well, at least we got to have an awesome party.

Ended a little earlier than I wanted, but that

won't happen next time.

Um, next time? No, there's not gonna be a "next time."

We just risked exposing our secret lives.

No, you know, Dante's right. I'm glad we had a party.

But with a great HQ comes great responsibility.

Wait. You're glad we had a party?

Yeah, you guys are right.

I am too tight. I need to have more fun.

If we hadn't have thrown that party, I wouldn't have come

this close to locking down a date with Alexis.

- Hey, you still can, dude. - No, I think that ship is sunk.

Besides, she was only interested in me

because she thought I was friends with Steve Schmidt.

But you still are friends with Steve Schmidt.

Yeah, I'm not breaking up with Steve Schmidt any time soon.

He's have, like, ten girls lined up to date him.

True. We may never host a party here again,

but I... have a feeling we haven't heard the last

of our dear friend, Steve Schmidt.

To Steve Schmidt!

- Laundry day, or Career Day? - Neither!

Reggie's paying me money to scare him until he gets over his clown fear.

Oh, so Career Day.

I can hope.

- [exhales] - [beeping horn]

I'm comin', Reggie!

Dry those tears, man!