Original subtitles

Yeah, hello?

Are you sleeping with Faith?

What? Jack?

Jack, no. What?

I know she went out with you last night.

Yeah, because you sent her out with me.

We were supposed to go out.

Do not sleep with my assistants.

I wouldn't sleep with Faith.

Wray, I'm serious.

Wray: Buddy, she's mannish.

- No, she's not. - Yeah, she's, like--

she's, like, a tomboy, but like a man.

Like, a Tom-- like a man named Tom.

Her eyebrows make her look angry.

…are ya, buddy? How are ya?

I'm pissed. Faith is a no-show

to my "Spectrum" meeting with my agents,

which makes me think it's your fault.

Faith is a no-show for the "Spectrum" meeting

with your agents?

- Jack: Yes. - Oh, no. I'm sure she's okay.

She's probably just--

those outlets don't work.

- Is that clock right? - It's a clock, no. God, no.

Hey, uh, we should really talk about "Spectrum" the movie.

You know, I mean, last night would've been good.

Okay, listen. September's gonna be good for me,

because I can push "Agent Hammer Toe 3."

- Let me talk to Jack. - No.

And put "Fistful of Pistols" on hold.

- Give me that. - Shh.

- I will kill you. - Not for long, but--

Jack! Ugh!

- No! No! No! - Jack.

- What are you doing? - Give me the phone.

No. Hush it down.

We have been dating for four months.

Grow up.

You both need to grow up.

You shouldn't be this scared of him.

I'm not scared of him.

That is him.

Okay, I will talk to him. I will talk to him later today.

Just hush.

Please.

Hey, buddy. Sorry about that.

I got the worst service out here.

Jack: Which makes no sense, Wray,

since I called your landline.

I know, right? It's crazy.

I mean, who even has a landline anymore?

I mean, I do. We do. I am.

Hey, buddy. I gotta go. My agents just got here.

Let's have coffee afterwards, okay?

Yes. Let's get coffee after.

Let's get coffee after.

Absolutely.

Oh, shit. I think Dale is on the roof.

- Jack: Who? - No, Dale! My landlord.

- Dale. Dale. - The stuntman?

He's not a stuntman. He's a stunt lady man.

- Who did his own screams. - He did that on purpose.

- I gotta go. - Dale!

- Wray: 9-1-1. - Dale: Still got it!

- Darling, we're so sorry. - Please, please.

- Apologies. - Faux pas.

Oopsies. Listen, once again,

we cannot apologize enough.

- Vertical integration. - Yeah.

We left a message with your assistant saying that we had to push.

- You didn't get that? - I didn't get that.

Oh, sorry.

Woman on speaker: Sounds like it's time for a new assistant.

Who's the helpful person on the phone?

That's Susan from the New York office.

She'll be sitting in. So, what brings you in, Jack?

"Spectrum." I want to make a movie,

and I want to do it this year.

- Done. - Yeah. Whatever you say.

Really?

That's-- okay.

Honestly, I thought you were gonna fight me on this.

I had a little speech prepared.

"This is show business, and I'm the show."

I was going to say that.

There's no need for that.

Look, if Jack Moore wants it, Jack Moore gets it.

Okay, excellent. I think we should push

"Agent Hammer Toe 3" to at least the fall,

and the western till next year.

- Wow. Wow, the mind. - Right?

The mind. That is a great idea.

Good.

Done. Your schedule's wide open.

And it's a great thing, too,

because we have this exciting new project for you.

I'm sorry. How-- how wide open?

Open sesame.

It's like the perfect amount of open.

Susan: You have nothing.

I have nothing?

- Oh, Susan. - Susan!

Let's not look at past, Jack.

Let's focus on the fact that we have an exciting new project for you.

I'm sorry, are they not making any more Hammer Toe movies?

Look, I don't know how to tell you this, so I won't. Jess?

The thing is, there's no cause for alarm.

It-- but Taylor says it best.

- Tails. - There's a traction gap.

Hammer Toe replaced you with Liam Hemsworth.

For the love of-- Susan.

- I mean… - I mean, Susan.

Susan.

Replaced?

Try to understand. It's not about you.

It's an industry-wide trend.

All leading men are being replaced with Australians.

They're just-- they're just more-- they're more American.

I'm-- I'm-- I'm actually American.

No, no, no, no.

The ruggedness of Australians

reminds us of the old America.

You know, the one we like to misremember.

Jesus. You get an Australian to replace me

for "Fist Full of Pistols," too?

Susan: It was Chip Hemsworth.

Christ. How many Hemsworths are there?

Not exactly sure at this point.

Zeitgeisty.

- I think this is the last… - Okay.

- of them. - Well, thank you.

Um, oh, sorry.

Uh, you checked the sex box "male."

He's ma-- he's the male-iest guy I know.

He used to stunts for actresses

back before stunt women even existed.

The last couple of years he's been wearing the costumes

and reliving his more heroic days,

which is why we're always here.

Mmm, you know, my grandfather

wore his World War II uniform before he passed.

- Exactly. Right. - He was so proud.

Family gatherings were a little awkward, though.

He was a Nazi.

Well, um…

Wray, his cast is on and they're moving him to a room.

Oh, I have your phone.

Why would you unplug it?

Because you have Tetris and my battery was dead.

Well, great. Now mine is, too.

Excuse me. How would you like to pay for this today?

Oh, here. I think it's his tenth one.

Oh, my gosh. Congratulations.

This one's free.

Hi.

Faith?

Susan: Younger, sexier, and better than you.

- Susan, hang up! - She doesn't mean that.

She's very verbose. I'm sorry about her, Jack.

Here's the thing. Your new project,

straight offer, extremely hush-hush.

What is it?

Tentpole marquee star-studded event.

"Doctor Cop Lawyer."

Exponential game-changer.

- And I'd be playing… - The doctor cop lawyer.

Obvs.

Dr. Officer Blade Slater, Esquire.

One man is a surgeon, a policeman, and a prosecutor

on a mission for justice.

Diego Alfonso is directing.

I do love working with him.

We know you do, buddy. We know you do.

What studio are we talking about here?

Is this a summer release?

Better. Fall.

Episodic television.

Boom!

Jack Moore is not a television actor.

Jack Moore is a movie star.

See, we're just-- we're worried

that the industry is shifting away

from thinking those things about Jack Moore.

And if I can coattail on that.

- Yeah, go ahead. - Television is the new movies.

I like the old movies.

Susan: Wake up. Your film career is over.

Okay, you know what? Susan is fired.

Susan: Just me, or them, too?

All of you-- all of you--

all of you just--

all of you are fired.

I already made the best damn show on television.

It was called "Spectrum," and it was 13 years ago,

and now I'm making the movie.

I've got the rights, I've got the audience,

and most importantly, I've got the original cast.

So if you'll excuse me…

I've got a movie to make.

Yeah.

Damn it.

That didn't go well.

Susan, you need a lighter touch.

And Russell Crowe is on his way in.

Okay, so do you still want me to break it to him

that he's old and fat?

- Mother of God, woman. - Susan!

Just fat.

Okay, fat. Got it. Fat.

Fat. Fat.