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1
00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:27,679
Oh my God! Oh my God.
2
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:28,724
Stand back.
3
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,160
-Are you okay?
-I'm fine.
4
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,336
You fell. You fell.
5
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,907
-Hello.
-Do I know you?
6
00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:41,389
-I, I, I'm Wray.
-Louise.
7
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:45,088
Are you here for the convention?
-Yes, yes I am.
8
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:46,785
-Me too!
-Really?
9
00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:52,052
I got in last night.
I needed a new key.
10
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:55,055
Why are these babies so much
quieter than their mothers?
11
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:57,361
Because most of them are asleep.
Shhh.
12
00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:02,888
Oh. She is breastfeeding?
13
00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:05,456
Now I know where
powdered milk comes from.
14
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,806
'Cause she is old and it's dust.
15
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:13,290
I adopted a little girl this
morning. She's asleep upstairs.
16
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,771
You did? That's huge.
17
00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:19,079
My gosh! By yourself or is
there a mister?
18
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:23,431
No. It's just me and Isabel.
Oh my gosh!
19
00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,824
-She's so beautiful.
-Thank you.
20
00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,739
You want to say hello?
Say hello.
21
00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:31,134
What a little doll. Holy shit!
That's an actual doll.
22
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,614
Stop that!
23
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:37,575
Watch your mouth you son of
a bitch! Are you all right?
Are you all right?
24
00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:40,143
I think they're all dolls.
25
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,058
You said you were
here with the convention?
26
00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:45,844
There is a doll convention?!
I'm in the wrong hotel.
27
00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:54,026
No I'm in the right hotel.
28
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,333
You're here for the
sci-fi convention
29
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,509
and you're judging us?
30
00:01:58,553 --> 00:02:01,947
Wait. So Isabel your baby
31
00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:03,123
is a doll?
32
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,560
She's as real as my
feelings for her.
33
00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:07,431
That's creepy weird.
34
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:08,693
You're rude!
35
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:13,785
Sci-fi fans have a sense of
humor. You should too.
Seriously!
36
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:20,227
Two years ago a kitchen fire
claimed the life of my baby boy
37
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:23,447
and the doctor said that I
should adopt Isabel
38
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:25,493
as a therapeutic way of healing.
39
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,190
Seriously!
40
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,280
But that's what I'm talking about.
41
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:33,892
I'm saying laughter
is a healing force
42
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,894
for, for good.
43
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:40,029
Oh God! Come on!
44
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:44,860
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
That is obviously your fault.
45
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:48,777
The sign is crooked.
Get down. Close the ladder.
46
00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:51,997
We've got to open the doors.
Let's go people. Let's go!
47
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,784
-How's your room?
-It's not great.
48
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:58,917
Good. They had you in a suite
and I moved you to a junior
49
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:02,443
economy and they
paid the difference in cash.
50
00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:05,402
You know Bobbie,
most bookers negotiate up.
51
00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:07,578
I am up a hundred dollars, Wray.
52
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:10,277
Cosplay judging in 5 minutes?
53
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:14,803
Hey. Hey, hey, don't
flash the cash. What the?
54
00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:17,240
People are gonna think
that I'm bribing a judge.
55
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:20,635
Wait a second. You're competing
in the Cosplay contest?
56
00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:26,597
No Wray. I'm only
dressed like this for nothing.
57
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:31,036
I am Kake kokei kake kokei kai.
58
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:35,432
Yes, the Jap-anime ninja school
girl in the show Death Hi!
59
00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:40,655
Well I'm getting
Jap-anime ninja lunch lady.
60
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,613
-You know? Be careful.
-All right.
61
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,180
Where the hell are we Bobbie?
62
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,922
I don't know.
But you got to vote for me.
63
00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:51,143
I went sexy and what?
The other two judges are gay.
64
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:54,669
I'm meeting with Ron Slackskin?
Who's that?
65
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:57,585
I should have dressed
as Norman Reedus.
66
00:03:57,628 --> 00:04:01,153
Wait a second!
Ron Slackskin, he's the guy
with the action figure.
67
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,069
I'm finally getting an action
figure. Have you seen it?
68
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,550
Come on! You've seen it.
Does it look like me?
69
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,378
I don't know.
What's the difference?
70
00:04:08,422 --> 00:04:09,945
If it doesn't look
like me I'm not signing it.
71
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:12,817
Oh really? Okay. You know what?
This is a lot of money and
72
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:16,125
15 percent of it is mine.
So why don't you wait here and
73
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,779
someone will call you.
74
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:19,650
Where are the rest of the judges?
75
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:23,219
I don't know, they probably got
stalled by those crazy
doll bitches.
76
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:24,873
That's rude.
77
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:27,049
Wray, they're freaks!
78
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:30,748
I'm gonna go get my sword and
I'm gonna lube my haunches.
79
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,493
Why is it that all theaters smell
80
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:39,017
vaguely like musty mattresses
and gypsy ejaculate.
81
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,324
-Good Lord.
-Leslie Jordan?
82
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,761
Wray Nerely.
83
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:46,938
-Yes.
-Oh. I'm a huge fan.
I love Spectrum.
84
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:49,898
Really?
Wow I'm a huge fan of yours.
85
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,291
I've never seen you at
one of these things.
86
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,989
Well I just booked my
first superhero movie.
87
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:56,252
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna
start coming to these things.
88
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,558
Well congratulations!
89
00:04:57,601 --> 00:04:59,299
Yeah I can't really talk
much about the movie now
90
00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:03,433
but I've been hired to play a
mad scientist but I think
91
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:06,349
I'm gonna play him a little bit
more like a fussbudget.
92
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,482
-Like a fussbudget scientist?
-Yeah.
93
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:09,918
-Whoops!
-Hi.
94
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:13,356
-Hi. I think I'm lost.
-And now you're found.
95
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:18,666
Ooh girlfriend, you sparkle
like a stripper's ass.
96
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:22,844
See I as a gay man I can
appreciate females non-sexually.
97
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:26,674
Yeah. Look at that. Ooh!
98
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,329
I love Spectrum.
99
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,635
Wray, he's gay too.
Get in on this Wray.
100
00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,376
No, no, not gay.
Don't want to get in on that.
101
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,552
Stop, stop, stop it. Hey, why
don't you come over here.
102
00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:37,119
I think you're
supposed to be lining up.
103
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:39,077
Sir. I think you're supposed
to be lining up over there.
104
00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:40,905
-Leave her al-- hey.
-Oh yeah.
105
00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,124
Sweetheart you're in the
wrong spot. Come with me.
106
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,953
-Okay. Bye.
-Bye. Nice to meet you.
107
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,478
-Are you gay?
-Are you?
108
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:51,568
I'm invoking the straight
guy code of secrecy.
109
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:57,269
Yeah. No. You don't even
know the handshake?
110
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:58,532
There's a handshake?
111
00:05:58,575 --> 00:05:59,968
Quick, what kind of
underpants you got on?
112
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:05,582
I don't know.
They're tight. They're white.
I bought them in a bag of 50.
113
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:08,846
Oh you are straight.
114
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:14,243
Shh. I too am a straight.
115
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:17,638
The gay thing, it's an
act to bring in the ladies.
116
00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,204
Yeah, Oh, what?
117
00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:22,382
There's a breed of women that
my perceived homosexuality
118
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:25,950
ensnares every time.
Conservative cougar.
119
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,868
Conservatives say that
homosexuality is a choice.
120
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:33,262
They know that's a
corrosive black lie.
121
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:38,441
In their heart of hearts, the
truth faintly beats out
a little SOS.
122
00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:44,012
It says help me Leslie Jordan.
I'm a shell. Oh I'm hollowed out
123
00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:45,970
Do you know what I
fill that emptiness with?
124
00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:48,582
-Love?
-My big dick.
125
00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:53,282
First, I lie. I say
sexuality is a choice.
126
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,371
My goodness, you're right.
You've got me.
127
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:59,419
But now I'm choosing
differently and I choose you,
you sexy bitch.
128
00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:01,595
It backs up their whole
129
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,640
warped world view.
130
00:07:03,945 --> 00:07:05,599
They surrender to me
131
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:08,340
Wray, like I am their savior.
132
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:13,345
I do butt stuff whenever I want.
Do you do butt stuff?
133
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:17,393
Um, you know, I don't know
the definition of butt stuff.
134
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,440
Don't you say a word. Zip it.
135
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,006
-Hey you guys.
-Oh hey! Hey.
136
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:25,140
-Hey, how are you?
-I'm good, good.
137
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:29,231
-Yeah it's good.
-Hi, hi. I'm, I'm I'm Wray.
138
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:30,798
I'm Sean.
139
00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:32,016
-Nice to meet you.
-Oh you guys don't know each other?
140
00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,714
No, no. I mean I know
where you're from.
141
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:34,932
You're from Serenity.
142
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,194
It was a great TV show.
I haven't seen it.
143
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:38,066
I saw some clips.
It's good stuff though.
144
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:42,462
Right.
Well, Serenity was the movie.
The television show was Firefly.
145
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,855
-It was?
-Yeah.
-That's good stuff.
146
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:48,293
Ladies and gentlemen
welcome to the EX-Con.
147
00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:51,862
The most extreme
Con in condom.
148
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:56,780
Give our judges a very
Ex-Con welcome!
149
00:07:56,824 --> 00:08:01,959
Judges! Judges, give me a
wink when you're ready to start.
150
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:06,137
Leslie? Got it.
Wray? Got it.
151
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:10,402
Sean? I love it. All right,
let's get started right away.
152
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:13,362
Yo Master Chief!
153
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:31,206
Keko keko keko kei.
154
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:38,779
She's sexy.
155
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:40,824
What? Who?
156
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:45,350
Her. She's sexy like a
rock formation can be sexy
157
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:48,049
or leather furniture.
158
00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:49,703
That's my convention booker.
159
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:54,838
There's nothing conventional
about her. She's so agile.
160
00:08:54,882 --> 00:09:00,365
Like a greasy, sexy rat.
Like a dirt squirrel.
161
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:03,194
-Oh he's sexy.
-What?
162
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:12,247
Hot.
Like a meat stew or a swamp.
Like a hot old meaty swamp.
163
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:13,857
What are you looking at?
Are you looking?
164
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:16,643
That is not a he. That's a she.
Her name is Bobbie.
165
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,124
That's so embarrassing. Please
don't tell her I said that.
166
00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:21,735
All right I won't.
167
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,345
I love transgender people.
168
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:26,914
They're the most courageous
people in the whole world.
169
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:29,786
-No,she's not.
-Courageous?
170
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:33,094
When have you ever had to
fight for who you are?
171
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,357
Check yourself.
172
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,708
Courage makes my junk pop.
173
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:41,493
Oh my.
Here comes the big finale.
174
00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:49,153
Oh my God!
175
00:09:49,197 --> 00:09:50,285
Ladies and gentlemen
176
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:51,416
you've seen it here.
177
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:54,376
Hello beautiful.
178
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:56,857
The Ex-Con is extreme.
13812
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