Original subtitles

Okay Bobbie, I just missed your call.

Call me.

The tickets are for coach, not first class.

And now first class is full

and if I wait until tomorrow I'm gonna miss the convention,

alright?

First class was the deal. I can't do coach.

My back is still screwed up from that sci-fi charity ski thing,

that you booked me on.

Slopes for Hopes.

Okay?

I am broken. If I sit in coach,

I don't know. Call me.

Bye.

Are you Wray Nerely? From Spectrum?

N…no I am not.

Oh my God!

No no I recognize your voice, I'm a

huge Spectrum fan! Could you…sign my

magazine? I just

bought this, it seems kinda perfect!

No there's nothing perfect about this.

Please it's not for me, it's for this charity thing.

My wife hosts a Spectrum

marathon benefiting people

afflicted with Spastic Seasonal

Spastic…

-Seasonal, yea yea. -I don't think that's a thing.

It's a thing, no it's totally a thing, she's a victim of it!

She's filthy with it.

You know what, I would sign it right now,

except I'm on the toilet

and I don't have a pen.

God, are you serious?

Ah jeez, I'm sorry, are you famous?

Did you ever see that show Spectrum?

-No… -Greatest canceled TV show ever, man.

This guy flew the spaceship!

-Hey, and you're in a magazine? -No Jack Moore is.

He was the captain

of the spaceship. You guys, you're like

-best friends right? -Wait wait wait wait, Jack Moore?

From Return to Tomorrow? I love that movie!

Oh yea, great movie.

He was amazing in it.

Made the movie. One of the greats.

Listen, uh, I'm kinda done in here, and I have to catch

my flight so, could you just, um…

That's so awesome! Thanks man!

I will see you in Hell!

-Did you say it with me? -No.

I couldn't tell because, you know, God no one's

gonna believe this!

I don't.

Hm, space show huh? I don't know I usually don't

watch that stuff,

the sets look cheap, the acting's shitty,

they take themselves so seriously.

Hey don't be putting down sci-fi that's my favorite.

Do you know who Wray Nerely is?

Of course, why?

You know, he's sitting next to you.

No way!

Dude… Sign this!

What?

What can I get you?

A whiskey.

Hey, Tony! It's Wray Nerely, I just got

uh… Hey, no I, I, I, got

I got the email about the audition. Uh, no

No it's just, it's a little loud here.

I got the email about the

Clint Eastwood western.

Hush, hush? Oh hush.

I can hush, I can hush it down it down.

Uh, but it is a convention weekend so maybe I can

do it Monday.

It's not every weekend. It… No no no no no no no

I'll just record it, uh, while I'm there, and I'll send it in.

Okay. Um, hey it says

that the part is written for a 30 year old.

Uh, is there any movement on that?

I can play 30.

Nerely Wray Nerely, is that you hiding out in the corner?

Come on! Pussy.

Haha, how you doing?

Sean, Jesus, man you scared me, I just had the

weirdest interaction

with a fan in the men's room.

I'd keep that to yourself.

Hey, is Spastic Seasonal a thing?

Yea you better believe it is.

Can I have a whiskey? You know what here, have mine.

Really? Yea, it's a, it's a work weekend so I…

Excuse us.

We're trying not to geek out. Can we get a picture please?

Hell yea! Come on!

-You guys going to the Con? -Oh yea. -It's so awesome.

-Fantastic, where you from? -Siberia.

Siberia? You ever meet anyone from Siberia?

That's awesome. Alright, get close.

-Come on, be friends. -My back. Oooh -3, 2, 1.

-That was a good one. -Thanks Samwise.

-Good to meet you. -Thanks Cash.

Yeah. Samwise, Cash.

They think of us as our characters.

They think we are our characters.

Does that freak you out?

Not at all. Nothin' wrong with being a Hobbit.

They think that you're a spaceship pilot.

What's wrong with that? It's better than reality.

Damn.

If you're not comfortable with fan interactions,

why are you going to a fan convention?

No I, I, I love the fans, I do, I love 'em, I

I, I do, I do.

I did. I do.

Look, we're the music makers. They're just

-dancing to the dream. -I don't know.

I do.

-You're an artist, right? -Yea.

Well their flattery inflates

your ego, so it gives you an artificial sense

of yourself which ultimately retards your artistic truth,

which can't help but retard your ability to create.

Wait, are you saying retards?

Retards it all up.

I don't know that you're using that word correctly.

Retard. To impede or hinder.

Those fans are retarding me.

Oh wait, you know what? I gotta go change my ticket.

They put me in coach. My back cannot

handle that kind of punishment. Well you know what?

When you get to the plane, if you see a convention fan

in first class, Lieutenant, you just order them

to switch seats with you.

I can't do that.

Just

be who they think you are.

Be who they think I am.

Mhm. See you on the plane.

For the Shire!

Hello.

-Oh my God. -Oh my God.

Tribute.

It is such a pleasure to meet you Cash.

I work for a living solider.

You call me Lieutenant.

Lieutenant.

War has broken out and…

Ah shit, excuse me.

I'm headed to the Con right now.

I'm going to see you!

I've got a bunch of stuff for you to sign!

Soldier, I have a mission for you that's of the utmost importance. Ok?

You've been reassigned, you're going to be stationed,

in row 32.

-Ok? -Lieutenant, but, uh, but I'm…

Look, I didn't say it wasn't gonna be a dangerous mission,

it's gonna dangerous, very dangerous.

It's gonna be tight quarters, the smells by themselves.

You're gonna use your wits,

all your training.

You're gonna need skill.

Ok, but you need to sign everything that I have.

No no no no, no no, no no, um,

look, I don't want to sign that, listen soldier,

uh at the conclusion of the mission.

-No, now. -You and I will rendezvous… ah shit!

Use my lucky pen.

-How much crap do you have? -A lot, I have sixteen

nieces and nephews

I got very busy uncles.

My God this has to be the last thing.

Actually, this too.

You want me to sign your tits?

And I'm sorry Lieutenant, I know it is against

-code to deface a uniform. -Look we're not doing that anymore.

That's funny, so you're gonna text me right?

Sean Astin? Oh my God is that your seat?

Yea.

Ok, you know what, thank you, but uh, deal is off.

I am not moving. Bullshit, I just signed all your crap.

You know sometimes, in life, stuff like that happens.

I've only half-signed your shirt.

And it looks…alright.

What the Hell man! Look, soldier, we entered

into an agreement, and you are forfeiting that.

We're not doing that anymore. Look I am a huge fan of

Spectrum but this is

-Samwise Gamgee. -Yea I am.

And, he's in the Strain. I love Guillermo del Toro.

I love his work, I just think it's so great he's in TV.

-The Strain?! -I love this guy.

Sir, I need you to take

your seat please, in row 32.

Hold on a second, hey sir excuse me you wouldn't

happen to be a sci-fi fan would you?

Fuck off.

Oh, okay that's grounds for removal.

I think that is grounds for ejection from this flight.

I am Federal Air Marshal Cahoots, I could have you

ejected from this flight

at 30,000 feet if necessary.

I think this man needs some warm nuts and maybe a towel.

-Hot hot hot towel. -Sir, can we please?

Have a good flight.

This way.

Dishonorable discharge.

Wray, Nerely, I'm gonna buy a beer when we get there.

Nerely, hey it's me.

You signed my toilet paper.

Two seats in one day. It's crazy.