Original subtitles

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SHELBY: (ON COMPUTER) And remember, Tradeskees family,

you made it, now let's trade it.

Don't forget to join by clicking here.

Or is it here?

I know it's on the left but is it my left or your left?

Pretty sure it's up here somewhere.

Wow. I'm getting better at making these videos.

Okay, Naldo, you can let Cyd in now.

I feel kind of bad for locking her out.

Was it really that hard to finish your video with her around?

I finally figured out how to play Shake It Off on the clarinet.

(SQUAWKS)

You did the right thing, Shelby.

Hello. I'm Barry Eisenberg.

Has he been here the whole time?

No, he's only 15 years old. There's a lot of time he hasn't been here.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Come on, Barry, we don't shake hands, we hug.

I knew this was gonna happen! Barry blew himself up in an experiment

and now his boring ghost is gonna haunt us forever!

Gotcha!

It's just my personal portable hologram projector.

It can project anything in full 3-D.

I've digitized an image of myself and programmed it

with my most frequently used expressions.

(BEEPS) Aw, shuds!

(BEEPS) I invented time travel!

(BEEPS) Renaldo, to the lab!

Right behind you, Barry! That's what my hologram would say.

? I know it sounds crazy

? But time doesn't faze me

? Ever since it lost its hold on me

? Hey, hey

? Hung out till midnight

? Missed the curfew, that's all right

? I'm back to bed and right on time, you'll see

? Whenever

? You need me

? I'm right there with you

? Whenever

? There's something

? You wanna redo

? The clock is ticking but not for me

? I'm living in a different reality

? Whenever

? Whatever

? Wherever

? I'm right there with you

? I'm right there with you

? Hey, hey ?

I'm taking my hologram projector down to the high school today

to pitch it to Dax Fraggins at the tech fair.

Who's Dax Fraggins?

He's the most famous guy whoever went to West Portland High!

Pretty much everything in the school is named after him.

Fraggins Gymnasium,

Fraggins Library, Fraggins Field?

Wait a second. Our school has a library?

Hey, I'm gonna pitch to Dax today, too.

Ugh. No offense, but that is a terrible idea.

Your website pales in comparison to

the brilliance of my hologram projector.

That's rude. It can't be. I said "no offense."

But I'm offended.

Well I told you not to be. I did everything I could.

You know what, Dax made his first website

when he was a sophomore just like me.

I think I have a pretty good chance at him investing in my site.

Yeah, you do, Shelbs. If I know Dax... And I don't...

He's gonna love Tradeskees.

Shelby, Dax is coming to hear pitches

from real innovators.

Are you implying that I'm not a real innovator?

Nope, I'm saying it.

Oh! I better get going, my billion dollar future awaits.

(SIGHS) Because I'm his favorite, I'm gonna let that slide.

Because I'm actually his favorite, I'm gonna let that slide.

Thanks, this is so exciting! I just want to make sure I do everything right.

I'm number nine. So I go after eight, but before 10?

It goes eight, Shelby, 10?

Shelby, I thought we decided you wouldn't come down here.

When did we decide that? When I told you not to come down here.

Look, Barry, a lot of people like my site.

Almost 10,000. Hopefully... Soon... Maybe.

Either way, I'm not letting this opportunity pass me by. I'm doing this.

(MONITOR CHIMES)

Oh, looks like I'm up.

Hey, because we're friends, I'll leave a tiny bit of his mind

un-blown for you, huh? You're welcome.

I'm not intimidated by you!

I click "yes" on user agreements without reading them.

Well, I do skim them, though. I'm not crazy.

Okay, Naldo. What are we doing today?

Actually, I was gonna work on some new Naldo-Tees.

I'm doing cities now.

"New York, New York: We Heard You The First Time."

You're doing your thing. Shelby and Barry are doing their thing.

What am I supposed to do? Just do your thing.

Of course! My thing. Here's the thing. I don't have a thing.

Come on, Cyd. There's gotta be something you're passionate about.

Gravy. Nope.

All right, that settles it.

Today, my thing will be helping you find your thing.

Great, now you have two things!

Mr. Fraggins, it's a true honor to pitch to you.

Thank you so much for this opportunity.

Oh. Sorry, I didn't hear you. I had my sunglasses on.

I'm listening.

That was utter nonsense, but coming from your mouth, it made total sense.

That's why I own a jet.

Right. Well, I am here to present the most revolutionary invention ever.

(BEEPS) I invented time travel.

Whoa, time travel? You better hurry up with your pitch,

this guy's trying to steal your thunder.

(STAMMERS) No, no, no. I came to talk about holograms.

Holograms? I might toss some change at that.

No offense, but that is a terrible idea.

Are you messin' with me? Is he messin' with me?

I'm so sorry. Let me just try restarting it.

(BEEPING) Shuds! Shuds! Shuds!

Would you cut it out? You're ruining this for us!

I invented time travel.

Yeah. I wish you had.

That way I could get the last 30 seconds of my life back.

But, but Mr. Fraggins...

Renaldo, to the lab!

You heard him. Renaldo, to the lab!

(BEEPS)

My dad's been restoring this motorcycle for six years.

He calls it his "pet project."

My mom calls it, "Why she can't park it in the garage."

Yes, a motorcycle! Building this could totally be my thing!

(WHIRRS)

You know, I followed the online tutorial exactly,

but I still have this screw left.

You think I missed a step?

Maybe building motorcycles isn't your thing.

Or maybe everyone else has been building motorcycles wrong.

(STARTS ENGINE)

(COUGHING)

Nope, the motorcycle industry knows what it's doing.

Barry, save it. I don't want to hear about how great your pitch went.

Actually, Shelby... Hey, heads up, everybody.

The D-Man's real happy to be here taking your pitches,

but don't waste my time.

If you don't have something legit,

you may as well go home now.

Pitches, not glitches, people!

It was a disaster.

(MONITOR CHIMES)

All right, number nine, you're up with the Daxter!

Hey, 53, you wanna trade?

(WHIRRING)

Don't worry, Shelby. It'll be over soon.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shame-barf on Fraggins Field.

Excuse me, uh, Mr. Fraggins? Or should I call you Mr. Dax?

(SCOFFS) Why would I call you Mr. Dax? Dax is your first name.

Can we just start over? Hi, Shelby, I'm Fax Dragons.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No names, all right?

I don't want to get too attached.

I have a feeling we aren't gonna be spending that much time together.

I'm sorry, I'm just really nervous.

You're a huge inspiration to me.

I even made you my screen background.

All right, all right, I'll sign it. (SCOFFS)

Who do you want me to make it out to?

Oh. No, no, no! That's my screen...

Shelby Marcus. That would be great.

What are you standing there for? Let's hear your pitch.

(STAMMERS) Okay.

So with Tradeskees, you made a craft and you want a craft,

but not the craft you made,

'cause you don't know how to craft that craft... No!

Not another website.

Look, let me just save you a little bit of time, all right?

I won't refresh my browser for a website with less than 10,000 users.

Oh, well, I only have...

Twelve thousand?

Twelve thousand? All right, you've got my attention.

(EXHALES) Mr. Fraggins,

what is the most desirable yet untapped market on the Internet?

Cats with credit cards.

Well, I'm talking about a website that offers exclusive access

to the close-knit Portland craft-swapping community.

Nobody's cracked the crafters.

They spend all their time stringing beads together,

hanging out at swap-meets and hawking artisanal sandwich sauces.

Until now.

Dax Fraggins, let me tell you about Tradeskees.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

This is Tradeskees today.

And this is Tradeskees tomorrow.

So you see, I'm not just pitching you a website,

I'm pitching you a community.

Ninety-five percent of households contain a crafter,

and Tradeskees is a way to reach every single one.

So what do you say, Mr. Fraggins?

Are we ready to take Tradeskees to the next level?

I'll think about it. Send in number 10.

Oh, I thought...

Don't think. That's my job. Just send in 10.

Okay, so building motorcycles wasn't your thing.

Yeah, neither was cooking, painting, close-up magic,

street surfing, model trains, bird watching,

aerial gymnastics, real estate investing,

amateur dentistry, animal husbandry, cheese-making or reading.

That's why I brought you to the mall.

If we can't find your thing here, then so help me,

I'll just pick up the items I came for and we can leave.

(WHIRRING)

Naldo...

Cyd, there is no way you can do that...

But what if chainsaw sculpting is my thing?

You didn't let me finish!

I was gonna say there is no way you can do that...

Without all the necessary safety equipment!

Why did you pause like that?

Pause like... What?

I don't have time for this.

(WHIRRING)

(YELLING)

(WHIRRING STOPS)

I think my log was broken.

It was supposed to have a bear in it!

Oh, Cyd.

That was the last pitch.

Dax has heard everybody's ideas.

Now we just wait and see who he's investing in.

I'm so nervous, I'm sweating in my knee pits.

Shelby, there's no reason to be nervous.

Because any second now, Dax is going to come out,

say that he's heard no good pitches today,

at which point, I will swing back around

with my newly repaired hologram and win the day.

(BEEPS) You the man, Barry!

See? He doesn't say anything offensive now.

I made him nothing but positive.

(BEEPS) How great is this guy?

I know he's saying nice things,

but his Barry face makes me think he's lying.

(BEEPS) Your opinions are valid!

Listen up, people,

I'm sorry to say that there were no good pitches today.

But there was a great one.

Shelby Marcus, you owe me a new pair of socks.

'Cause you knocked mine off.

He picked me?

I can't think of anyone more deserving.

What about me? Lookin' good!

That's right, I'm investing in Tradeskees.

We're gonna take you global!

(APPLAUSE)

Um, Mr. Fraggins! If I could just give you a quick demonstration...

Send me the contract. Yeah.

I'll get the Marcus girl to sign Tradeskees over to me

and then I'll cut her out completely.

(BEEPS) Now that's a plan!

Shh! Not now! (BEEPS)

Just send me the contract.

(SIGHS) I have to warn Shelby.

Ooh, have you been doing push-ups?

Stop patronizing me. You know I haven't.

Well, snorkeling isn't my thing.

Yeah, if you got grossed out in the hot tub,

you probably won't like the ocean.

The pool guy never skims it.

I'm never gonna find my thing. This is pointless.

Why's it so important that you find your thing?

I don't know, it's just...

All of you guys have things you're passionate about.

What if I never find my thing?

Cyd, we'll keep looking.

There's no point. It's just a waste of time.

Despite the comical appearance of what's going on,

I'm still super sad on the inside.

Thank you. I'm very excited. (CHUCKLES)

There's my superstar!

Oh, thank goodness. He would not let go.

My lawyer sent over the contract.

All you have to do is sign it and we're good to go.

I can't believe it!

The Dax Fraggins is going to help me use Tradeskees

to unite crafters all over the world.

I remember when I sold my first website.

You know what I did?

I signed the contract real quick before they could take it back.

You're gonna take it back? Not if you sign it real quick.

No, Shelby, don't!

Barry, what are you doing?

You can't sign that!

Dax is gonna get rid of you and take over Tradeskees.

Why would I do that? Shelby is Tradeskees.

You know, this always happens.

You blow up and even your friends turn on you.

I'm just trying to protect you.

No, you're just jealous that Dax didn't choose your hologram.

You know, you don't have to listen to this...

If you put on these.

I'm signing it.

All right!

Let's go celebrate, partner.

You ever eat cheetah?

No. Yeah, me neither. It's gross.

So, now that I've signed the contract

and we're working together on Tradeskees,

let's talk office layout.

Should we put our desks like this or like this?

(GASPS) Bunk desks!

I call the bottom, 'cause, you know, skirts.

Actually, I was thinking first we could increase membership fees.

But Tradeskees doesn't have fees.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Let me riff off your riff.

What if, and I'm just brain jammin' here, we charge fees?

You can't do that!

Of course I can. And that's just the beginning.

I'm gonna use Tradeskees to squeeze every last dime out of your beloved crafters.

Thanks to you, I'm in 95% of households.

But my users trust me.

I won't let you do that to them.

I thought you might say that.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES) (CELL PHONE BUZZES)

This is an email saying that I'm leaving Tradeskees?

Yeah, we're real sorry to see you go.

It just felt like we were on different pages.

You can't take my website.

I built it myself.

Of course I can.

I own Tradeskees now and there's nothing you can do about it.

Peace out. Bump me some knucks.

Forget it!

Come on, don't leave me hanging.

Why would you bump my knucks?

I just stole your website!

Shelby, you okay?

No.

You were right about everything.

I should have listened to you.

You were just being a good friend.

No. No, I wasn't.

I was a total jerk all day.

I never should have said those things about Tradeskees.

I wouldn't have listened to me either.

I'm sorry.

This is weird, right? Is it?

We should just... Yeah.

Hey, Cyd, I made you this to cheer you up.

Aw, is it apple?

No, it's pie.

I know you're bummed out, but think of it this way...

We know all the stuff we tried today isn't your thing,

which means you're that much closer to finding out what is.

Maybe you're right.

And who knows, maybe someday my thing will even find me.

Ugh, that is... Disgusting, right?

Yeah, making pies is not my thing.

Dax Fraggins invested in my website!

Shelby, that's amazing.

And then he completely cut me out of it.

Shelby, that's awful. Why'd you pause like that?

See what I mean? It's confusing.

Shelby, I'm so sorry.

That Dax guy sounds like a jerk.

Yeah, a huge jerk.

He stole Shelby's website and didn't buy my hologram.

But mostly the first thing, which is why I said it first.

We need to jump back to before I signed that contract.

Come on, Cyd, slap it in.

What's wrong?

Shelby, I don't think not signing that contract will fix this.

If he did that to you, what's to stop him from doing it to someone else?

Yeah, he could have stolen Barry's hologram projector!

You really think he would have stolen my hologram projector?

That's sweet of you to say, Renaldo.

We have to jump back and teach Dax a lesson.

We need to show everyone what kind of guy he really is.

Here we go.

I hope Cyd's plan works.

Okay, the lawyer sent over the contract.

All you have to do is sign it and we're good to go.

Cyd, what are you doing?

I have to stop Shelby, she's about to make a huge mistake.

Barry, don't worry, we're way ahead of you.

And contract signed!

Great! Let's go celebrate, partner.

Why did you do that? Shelby just signed away Tradeskees!

Exactly.

Wait, you jumped here from the future, didn't you?

I must know, when do I die?

I don't know. I just came here from this afternoon and you were alive then.

Yes! Still alive!

Come on, I need your help. Ahh!

Now that I've signed the contract, let me make one thing clear,

I'm in charge of Tradeskees.

Uh. Let me make one thing clear... No, you're not.

I own Tradeskees now.

I can do anything I want with it,

including getting rid of you.

I can't believe I looked up to you.

You were a sophomore when you made your first website here,

just like me. Oh!

You are so naive.

I didn't make that website. I stole it!

Just like I stole every other websites I "created."

Why would you do that?

For the money!

I've built my fortune off chumps like you.

"Dax, make me rich! Make me famous!"

That's what chumps sound like.

Well you're not getting Tradeskees.

You already signed it away.

Or did I?

Just read what I wrote.

"You're in a hologram"?

What does that mean?

It means everyone heard what you said.

"Aw, they tricked me! Everyone knows I'm a liar!"

That's what jerks sound like.

And your humiliation wouldn't have been possible

without my portable hologram projector!

Mr. Fraggins, if I could just have a moment of your time...

BOTH: Barry! Right.

This isn't fair!

You guys are huge meanies!

I'm taking my gym and my library and my football field

and I'm going home!

(ALL BOOING)

I can't believe I ever wanted to be the next Dax Fraggins.

You're gonna be something better.

You're gonna be the first Shelby Marcus.

Barry hugs so weird. I know, right?

Do I?

Wow, using Barry's hologram projector

to trick Dax into thinking he was in the classroom was genius.

It was all Cyd's idea.

She's like some sort of revenge artist.

Hey, Cyd, maybe revenge is your thing!

I don't know. I only use it to get back at people who mess with Shelby.

Or me. Or you guys.

Or if it's funny. Or if there's money involved.

Or tacos.

Huh, maybe you're right, revenge is my thing.

Destroy all humans!

Destroy all humans!

Destroy all humans!

Uh-oh! I didn't teach him that.

He's become self-aware! We have to get out of here!

Where are the nearest caves?

I taught him that.

Revenge.

Revenge for what?

Okay, call it pre-venge.

We all know Barry's gonna do something annoying eventually.

She's terrifying!

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