Original subtitles

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(MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey guys, thanks for helping me set up for my Mixed Martial Arts party

even though you both don't want to come.

It's not that I don't want to come,

it's just... I'm very shy.

I get uncomfortable at parties.

Especially ones watching a sport I dislike

with people I can't stand eating food I hate.

I'm very shy.

But Barry, you said, we had "better things to do."

I mean, I'm shy too.

Hey, Cyd, you ready to go to the craft fair?

The craft fair is tomorrow night. My party's tonight.

No, your party is tomorrow night.

The craft fair is tonight.

How did we mix this up?

I put it in the calendar on your phone.

I deleted the calendar

'cause it kept telling me what to do and when to do it.

But how'd you forget about my party?

I wrote it on your hand.

I wash my hands.

So that's where the problem happened.

This is a disaster. How are we both gonna go to each other's things?

What's the big deal? Can't you each just go to your own events?

This is the first time I'm selling my jewelry at a craft fair.

I want my best friend with me for support.

And this is the first party I've ever thrown.

I want my best friend with me for support.

And to tell the cops everything is cool when the party gets outta hand.

I do not have a trustworthy face.

Plus, everything Cyd and I do

is so much better when we do it together.

I even made us "Better Together" necklaces.

BOTH: Better together!

It's cool 'cause we said it together.

Are you sure about that?

Hey, it is cool!

What are we going to do? It's not like we can go to two things on the same night.

Guys, I think the answer to your problem is obvious.

Think about it.

Right! We can time travel!

We can do my thing, then jump back in time

and go to your thing. Thanks, Naldo.

Oh, I wasn't gonna say time travel.

I was gonna say use Rock, Paper, Scissors like we do.

Yes! I never lose since I invented my rock-cutting scissors.

I know there's no such thing as rock-cutting scissors,

but Barry really needs a win sometimes.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

? I know it sounds crazy

? But time doesn't faze me

? Ever since it lost its hold on me

? Hey, hey

? Hung out till midnight

? Missed the curfew, that's all right

? I'm back to bed and right on time, you'll see

? Whenever

? You need me

? I'm right there with you

? Whenever

? There's something

? You wanna redo

? The clock is ticking but not for me

? I'm living in a different reality

? Whenever

? Whatever

? Wherever

? I'm right there with you

? I'm right there with you

? Hey, hey ?

Renaldo, we've been trying for months

to replicate time travel without success.

Remember when I told you

we're not nearly desperate enough

to start reassigning inputs randomly

like a couple of idiots? Yes.

We are now desperate enough

to start reassigning inputs randomly like a couple of idiots.

Surprise!

We are not invited, but we are here!

We just finished our game and now we're bored.

I wanted to stay at the park and whack stuff with a bat.

But I wanted to come here to see what science stuff is going on

and whack that with a bat.

No! Not my laser! (GRUNTING)

Chet! Bret! Are you okay?

Why are you calling me Bret? I'm Chet.

And why are you calling me Chet? I'm Bret.

I'm sorry, guys, I always get you two mixed up.

No, you didn't.

I think the laser made them switch bodies.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Well...

Does it matter?

I can't be the ladies' man in this body!

'Sup.

I sound ridiculous!

Well, I look ridiculous!

Several of my freckles are gone!

Again, does it matter?

It does matter.

They're not who they're supposed to be.

Bret is Chet, and Chet is Bret.

This is a nightmare!

I am not doing this to be difficult.

I just don't see the problem.

We have to tell Mom. She'll fix this.

Wait, wait, don't tell your mom.

Barry, if anyone finds out, we're gonna be in huge trouble.

Why? Switching their bodies, it's like...

It's like ordering a Cobb salad

and the waitress accidentally brings you

someone else's identical Cobb salad.

It doesn't matter!

But if anyone finds out,

they could make us stop doing science in the RV.

Okay, that matters.

Um, I'll just make some adjustments to the laser

and we'll zap them again.

And I'm sure it will switch them right back.

(LASER POWERS DOWN)

What do we do now?

I'm freaking out!

Lo! The realization that I am more than my physical self!

Existential crisis.

I did not think they would go there.

(CHEERING ON TV) (ALL CHEERING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey, Cyd, I'm really glad to be here for you,

but you know how every time you get excited,

you punch me in the arm? Yeah!

Sorry, Shelby, were you saying something?

You want me to switch places with you?

I can take a punch. Name's Drake.

Oh, I get it.

Just because I'm a woman,

I can't take a punch? Ah!

Okay, let's switch.

Ah!

Hey, you're not Shelby.

Uh, Drake, this is Cyd. Cyd, Drake.

Nice jab you got there.

Sorry, did that hurt?

Are you kidding me? I can take a punch.

Punch me anywhere you want. Hit me in the leg.

Ah! Nothing.

Hit me in the chest. Ah!

Nothing. Punch me in the gut.

Ah! Ow! (COUGHS)

Just kidding. Nothing.

Shelbs, this guy's amazing!

I can punch him anywhere!

You sure about this?

Do it.

ALL: Oh!

Nothing. (ALL CHEER)

Ow! Not so hard! I got wicked soft palms.

Why'd you do that?

(STAMMERS) Sorry. It's okay, you didn't know.

It's my only weakness.

That and big brown eyes.

I really, really like him!

You do? I do!

(SCREAMING JOYFULLY)

I'm so excited for you, Cyd.

It was the most confusing meet-cute I've ever seen,

but I'm so excited for you!

Now let's jump back and go to your craft fair.

We're gonna sell some bracelets and necklaces and stuff!

I'm sorry, I'm just really pumped from punching that boy.

Thank you very much.

I made my first sale! $1.50! Ha!

I'm a professional!

Didn't that thing cost you $10 to make?

Doesn't matter! I'm a professional!

I love seeing you so excited about this craft stuff.

I never get that excited about anything, except burgers.

Burgers! Excuse me.

Dang it! These burgers are fake!

Sorry, they're coasters.

I make stuff that looks like other stuff.

Don't apologize, it's just not my thing.

You know who'd love these?

Not my parents, they think I'm wasting my life.

When I left this morning, my mom told me to,

"Have fun wasting your life!"

That's messed up, right?

Shelbs!

This is my friend Shelby.

Shelby this is... What's your name?

Joaquin.

Coasters that look like food?

That is so clever, fellow professional.

I made them myself.

Oh, I love them. I... I mean I like them.

I just met them. Why would I love them?

I like your "Together" necklace. (CHUCKLES)

She made it herself.

You're awesome, Shelby!

Wow, you're holding me close, but not too close,

I like your breath, it smells like noodles.

Shelby, you're doing that ramble-y thing you do when you think a guy's cute.

He's insecure, neurotic, and self-deprecating.

I like him so much!

You do? I do!

(BOTH SQUEALING)

This is just like a Y.A. novel

where we both find boys at the same time!

What would it be called?

Who cares? We both found boys at the same time!

So when I activate these rocket sleds,

you will be hurled into each other,

much like atoms in a particle accelerator.

The resulting collision should slam you back into your correct bodies.

Ready? Three,

two... BOTH: Wait!

Are you sure this is safe?

I have concerns!

Very well. I will prove to you that it's perfectly safe.

Three, two, one!

(BEEPS)

All right. We'll do it.

We'll think of something else.

ASTRID: Bret! Chet! Dinner!

This is bad, Barry.

Their mom will definitely be able to tell

there's something wrong with them.

We better go with them to dinner and help keep a lid on this.

Barry, Norm's at work, so you can take his seat.

And the girls are at the craft fair,

so Naldo can sit at Shelby's place.

So, looks like everybody's sitting in someone else's seat tonight.

Get it? Renaldo, what are you doing?

Do you not understand the meaning of "keep a lid on it"?

No, I don't. It's not a common phrase.

Ew!

But Chet, you love mashed potatoes.

I'll take his.

But Bret, you hate mashed potatoes.

Yeah, you hate mashed potatoes. (TAP)

Ow!

Don't kick my body!

You boys are acting very strange.

She's onto us.

Mrs. M,

you do so much around here.

We'll keep an eye on Chet and Bret

and do the dishes.

Go, have some Astrid time. You deserve it.

Part of me thinks you're up to something,

but the rest of me is goin' to the movies.

Don't forget to pre-rinse.

There's a French New Wave festival at the Art House.

That's weird. Chet's the pretentious film snob.

Quick, say something pretentious.

Something pretentious.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

I can't believe we both met boys we like at the same time!

Joaquin is so sweet and creative,

and we have the best conversations.

Well, he mostly makes fun of himself and I ramble,

but we make it work.

And I love how Drake can take a punch!

Other guys would be like "Ow, stop it,"

but not my Drake Whatever-his-last-name-is.

Hi, Shelby. You like my shirt? It's probably dumb.

I love it, I wanna marry it.

I mean, why would I wanna marry it?

You can't marry a shirt, at least not in the state of Oregon,

I mean, hi.

I'll leave you two alone.

What's up, Soft Palms?

Whoa, whoa, who told you about that?

That's my weakness.

I know.

That and big brown eyes.

What is wrong with you?

What do you mean? We did this at my MMA party...

Which I canceled in this timeline

to go to the craft fair with Shelby

so we never met.

That doesn't make any sense.

(SNICKERING)

Drake doesn't know who I am.

One second, Cyd. Let me just finish what I was saying.

(GIGGLING)

What do you mean Drake doesn't know who you are?

We erased that timeline when we jumped back to do your craft fair.

I never met him at the MMA party.

Well, let's just go back and do it again.

But then you won't meet Joaquin.

The timeline we do last is the one we continue in.

The other one disappears like it never happened.

Unless, we jump back in time and split up.

Then we can each get to meet our guys!

You're right. We wanted to do this together,

but this seems like the only way.

Where did you run off to?

What are you talking about? I came here to fix the laser.

And left me to do the dishes by myself!

You're the one who offered to do the dishes!

Why are we fighting?

I don't know.

It's just the kids have me so stressed out.

Me, too.

Look what we've done to the Marcus's.

We body swapped the twins,

we turned their daughter into a time traveler,

we use their hot tub without permission...

A lot.

Barry, look!

Bret... Huh?

...or Chet. I don't know.

Was I sleepwalking? Aw, man.

Mom usually tucks me in super tight at night so I stay in bed.

So your body is tucked into bed right now with Bret inside of it?

Yes, but Bret drinks a lot of water before bed,

so right about now he has to pee.

CHET: Help! I'm tucked in too tight

and I have to...

Never mind!

My Great Directors of German Expressionism sheets!

I'm coming, Fritz Lang!

Hey, Joaquin!

How do you know my name?

Oh, right. This isn't how we met.

I should just ramble and you can tell me how dumb your shirt is.

That was not very nice.

(CHUCKLES)

(CHEERING ON TV)

Excuse me, I need this seat.

Can we switch?

Oh. Well, I got here early and put my cushion down.

So, this is my seat.

Uh, you don't understand.

I have to meet that cute guy next to you.

Oh, there's a cute guy next to me?

Oh, I see what you're working with.

But this is my party.

This was supposed to be my seat!

Oh!

Hey! You're supposed to like this!

Let's get away from her.

It shouldn't be happening like this!

This was different when Shelby was here!

And Cyd called me over and I said,

"Coasters that look like food? So clever."

And you said, "I made them myself."

And then you took my "Together" necklace

and you pulled me close. Take the necklace!

Take the necklace!

Finally, you're here! She's freaking me out!

You called security on me?

Oh, no.

If I'm having this much trouble without Cyd...

Maybe Shelby's having the same problem without me.

BOTH: I've gotta go.

Hey, have you seen Shelby?

Sorry, I don't know Shelby.

Hey, you want to buy a coaster that looks like food?

No thanks. Well, how about I give you one?

'Cause no one's buying them anyway.

These are actually pretty cool.

Thanks. I love making them

but, I don't know... I mean, maybe my parents are right.

Maybe I am wasting my time. (SCOFFS)

Well, my parents aren't even here. They're in Peru.

How'd you swing that? I'd love to send my parents to Peru.

(BOTH LAUGH)

I'm Joaquin. I'm Cyd.

The thing about the frozen vegetable medley

is that every bite is a surprise.

You got peas, carrots, and corn.

Uh, carrots, corn, peas.

Corn, peas, green beans. You just never know, right?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Excuse me, have you seen Cyd?

I'm sorry, this is really important.

I have to talk to her.

Well, I was only talking to you to make my boyfriend jealous, anyway.

You brought this on yourself, Anthony.

You made me do this!

Huh! Wicked cool of you to rescue me.

These MMA parties bring out all kinds of nutjobs.

I have to admit, I'm not that into MMA.

It's actually my friend who likes it.

It's a little over-the-top for me.

Well, it kinda has to be.

These guys aren't going in all big and tough

because they know they're going to win.

They're doing it because they're afraid they might lose.

I never thought of it like that.

Sometimes I go big,

and maybe it's 'cause I'm scared things might not work out

the way I want them to.

I get that.

I'm sure I'm probably coming off a little strong at this party,

but it's 'cause I don't really know anybody here.

Well, you're not doing that with me.

Yeah, I'm not.

(CHUCKLES) I guess you're just really easy to talk to.

You are, too.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I can't believe your favorite food is nachos.

I can't believe I haven't punched you once.

I didn't realize that was a thing you might do.

Should I be worried?

CYD: We've been talking for two hours.

I really like this guy.

Dang it! What am I saying?

This is Shelby's guy!

SHELBY: Wait, what am I doing?

This is Cyd's guy!

BOTH: I am the worst friend!

SHELBY: Man, Drake and I really connected.

It wasn't like with Joaquin.

This is so much deeper.

But Drake is Cyd's guy!

I feel so guilty.

Just play it cool, Shelby.

Hey, Cyd.

"Hey, Cyd"? Could I be any more obvious?

Hey, Shelby.

Could I be any more obvious?

I can't believe I like Shelby's guy.

But Joaquin and I really talked, not like with Drake.

That was just punchin' arms.

Joaquin and I punched each other with our hearts.

So I went to look for you at the MMA party.

I thought you might need my help with Drake, but you weren't there.

Because I went to the craft fair

thinking you needed my help with Joaquin!

Shelbs, we were thinking the same thing!

BOTH: Aw!

BOTH: I'm living a lie!

CYD: I'll just text him and end it.

SHELBY: I'll just tell him I can't do this.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES) (DRAKE'S VOICE) I got this for you.

Hope I didn't go too big.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(CELL PHONE CHIMES) (JOAQUIN'S VOICE) At Nacho Ned's.

Thinking of you. (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

BOTH: I'll tell him tomorrow.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES) (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

It's a wrong number.

Yeah, mine too.

Wow, 8:30 already? Should we go to bed?

Great idea!

You've got to take care of me, Chet.

You haven't showered once in my body!

I don't want to touch it!

It's gross!

Go take a shower! (STATIC BUZZ)

Ow! You shocked me!

(STATIC BUZZ)) Ow! You shocked me back!

I'm charging up, Bret!

Bring it on, Chet!

Are you back in you, Bret?

Yes. Are you back in you, Chet?

Let me check.

'Sup.

I'm back!

Morning, boys.

Oh. Are you two here for breakfast?

Do your parents feed you?

Do you need me to make a call?

No, Mrs. Marcus. Something happened

and we were trying to fix it, but we can't.

So it's time for us to come clean.

Barry, I'm Bret!

I know and I feel terrible about it.

You see Mrs. Marcus, he's Bret and he's Chet

and it's all our fault.

I think I had something to do with it.

I don't care if it means we can't do science in the RV anymore.

Bret and Chet are more important.

See, they may seem identical,

but they are unique and special individuals...

So good job raising them.

Barry, what are you talking about?

Gratitude is not just for Mother's Day. Run, Renaldo.

How Kafkaesk.

Oh, man, your pretentiousness stayed in my body!

Enjoy it.

I hope I don't run into Drake.

It's going to be so awkward.

I didn't text Joaquin back all night.

He probably hates me.

Oh, look, there's Joaquin.

The guy I like. Oh, and there's Drake.

The guy I like.

Well, I guess we should go talk to 'em.

Yup. The guys we like.

(BOTH TALKING AT ONCE)

BOTH: We're perfect for each other and I'm so sorry!

I can't believe we didn't talk to each other about this.

We always talk to each other about everything.

We let boys come between us.

We can't do that.

Nothing is more important than our friendship.

I hated keeping a secret from my best friend.

We can't be afraid to tell each other the truth.

You can tell me anything,

even if you think it's gonna hurt my feelings, I can take it.

Me too. No you can't.

Hey! Oh, you were telling the truth.

Totally takin' it.

So, have we messed things up

with the boys by not texting them back all night?

Most likely. How do we fix it?

Together.

(BOTH TALKING AT ONCE)

BOTH: Huh?

BOTH: She really likes you.

BOTH: She likes me! She likes me!

BOTH: She likes me!

BOTH: Cool.

So.

Joaquin, is it?

That's correct, sir.

Where do you see this coaster thing going?

Is that a full time job?

You think you can support a family on that?

So Drake, tell me.

How do you feel about salt and vinegar chips?

Eh, not a fan.

I don't like these guys, Barry.

They're not good enough for our girls.

Barry, Naldo, what are you doing?

You guys do not have to answer their questions.

Yeah. Let's get out of here.

Be home by 8:00!

They grow up so fast.

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