All language subtitles for Diary.Of.A.Woman.2025.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-CHORTLE_track3_[eng]

I have the rare privilege
of having begun life twice.

But do any of us really know where
the journey of life will take us?

I know nothing in this no covered
mantle valley.

They prepared me for the events
that would follow.

My teachers life
is all about order.

And I need a ritual to protect me
from the chaos in my mind.

I think I would fall apart
if I stopped.

I loved my pupils.

So much innocence and promise.

And liquid water
heats up by the sun.

Evaporates, condenses
to form clouds

falls back to Earth

as rain or snow.

Plants and forest soak up
that liquid

in order to grow.

Okay?

I filled their minds with facts.

Basics of Maths and Grammar.

Chapters of Europe.

Not knowing what
paths their lives will take.

Come on!

Come on!

Maybe keeping the diary
will bring freedom and peace.

Help me to sort things out.

I can't stand in no ways

puttering my mind.

Even in the quiet of this village,
it finds me hiding

Like a turtle in its shell.

Why do I live alone when I
can share my life with Laura?

Stuck like a hamster in its wheel

endlessly spinning gone now.

And the dark hour arrives
that I dread.

Night follows the day.

It always does.

And the creatures of the night
know where to find me.

They always do.

Are you okay?
You've been acting so weird.

I'm fine.

Alex, what's up?

I don't know.

How about you and me
having dinner tonight?

One second.

- Hello!
- Hello

Is this a good time?

Yeah!

Okay.

For God's sake.

I'm sure Alex was really
happy back then.

He enjoyed living in the country
side having all that

nature and open space around him.
Not like the city where he grew up.

He loved to go running along the lake
through the woods as often as possible.

My God! Also, late at night

or early in the morning
when no one else is around.

No, but, um.

Later,

that's when he began to change,
last winter.

He seemed introverted.

Didn't talk much.

Just wanted to be left alone.

And he started having difficulty
communicating with

people outside his daily routine.

People he thought
he couldn't trust like

the parents of his pupils.

And that's the real problem

when your school teacher
in a small village.

Sometimes a phone call
can change your life.

Without you realizing it.

And when a lawyer is calling.

You know you are
heading for trouble.

Well Mr. Dhanti.

Going to be perfectly honest
with you. - Yeah!

Maybe you know the condition
of your mother is deteriorating.

Over the past few months.

She will knows slightly never will
be able to leave the hospital again.

Okay.

And as her lawyer

it is my duty to tell you
all her savings have gone.

The bank closed the bank accounts.

As a sole descendant

you are obliged to take care

of her financial affairs.

Which means I also have to

keep her apartment.

That's exactly what I am
trying to say.

And when you think

As soon as possible.

We have no choice.

That's the situation.

I'm come home.

It's all here.

Frozen in amber.

Quick for an older child
waiting for my return.

We laughed in here, we cried

you and I

we, celebrated Christmas
and every one of my birthdays.

Sang songs.

We danced with Joy.

You are never going
to come home.

I was the one who
needed to come home.

I feel like I am under water.

Swimming up stream
like a sun

against the current

boating towards the sun.

Fighting so hard to reach the

place that I was born.

Strange.

So black and white
my memory now.

No colour at all.

Say one.

Red colour of your dress.

Where did you go?

When I was looking for you
in the middle of the night.

So many nights, leaving
your child behind.

Soundtrack of the clicking
clock haunting me.

Counting the remaining hours
of the night.

I could've arranged to have this apartment
cleaned up before I even got here.

All it takes is one phone call.

But now I am stalking my child
to days like a torment bully.

Instead of getting rid of all
the clutter and cardboard boxes.

Did you know I would
return here eventually?

I can start with them
covering the past.

Come here. Please!

Look here.

It's burning your mill.

You have no clue who I am.

Your empty gaze
turn question marks multiple ways.

I'm so sorry for you, mom.

So many nights in bed alone
without anyone to hold

I will hold you.

If you allow me.

Well we...

we never really talked about
his mother or his childhood.

He didn't want to.

I did sense

there must have been issues
in his early childhood.

As he couldn't articulate
or maybe even remember.

Well, as far as I know

there wasn't one specific event
that trigged his sudden anxiety.

But,

deep scares hidden
in sub-conscious

eventually find their way out.

And that's exactly why
makes me sad

Alex wasn't able to

analyse them or get
them out of his system.

I thought I knew
who I was.

But now I am floating
between two worlds.

The human brain is full
of mud.

Everything that falls into
leaves an imprint.

Bad events leave deeper
traces than good events.

Carrying more weight.

And as you grow older

that mould hardens.

The place is fast survives.

And it takes an earthquake

to shake the malice.

Laura thought my headache

stomach pains and sleepless nights
were from a bad diet.

So, I added a daily photographic
reference to my dairy.

Here they are...

The mental crap your system
has to cope with

hands of sugar, salt

fats, chemicals and toxins.

No wonder I am never hungry.

Everything in my mouth

taste like clotted wax.

I need to build up my strength

to face my biggest challenge here.

To go where I dare not enter.

Your private sanctuary.

Player of your dreams.

They say you can't go home again.

Suppose you never left.

After all these years your perfumes
still lingers on between these walls.

Like a faded veil.

Touching something deep inside me,
I can't escape.

So much for your life
in front of mirrors.

So much of vanity
behind closed doors.

Always making yourself pretty.

You wanted to be an actress
on a big stage.

And I was too young to realize
I wasn't your only audience.

Even as a child, I knew
you were gravitating towards

another world full of
neon lights and obsessions.

Secret whispers and moans
of pleasure.

Then you left me alone

until my dreams overwhelmed

my fears and the breaking
dawn chased them away.

What energies come to mind?

Um.

Is there anything else?

Um.

How could I answer that question?

There was absolutely
nothing to talk about.

I knew he was seeing
a psychiatrist

and was on medication.
Sleeping pills, anti

depressants and so on.

But...

I... I just couldn't
reach him anymore.

He didn't talk to me.

I thought he had a
problem with me, but...

What do you do if someone
just doesn't talk to you anymore.

In my opinion no medication
can penetrate to the root

of such severe mental illness.

He numbed his symptoms and

locked him into an even
tighter mental cage.

My family album full of people
I never met.

Ghost from another century.

Did you know that this was
my magic castle?

My secret hide away.

And what about my
little alter ego?

My only true friend
and confident.

Who I try to imitate.

You?

I was distended for the future me.

Shame and guilt.

When you look at the physical
romance of your life.

They seem trivial and useless.

Comes and brushes.

Putted smell of

perfume and alcohol
woven into a filthy toothbrush.

Eyeliner.

Bottles and scented padded.

All that's left of you.

Did you know

first of all, my life

My life is so different.

In contrast to Alex.

For me, everything was
always easy and effortless.

I love going to university

have a caring and loving family.

I enjoy being a teacher basically.
Basically, I am happy.

And...

Guess that's exactly why I didn't
recognize

the signs and wasn't aware of the
seriousness of the situation and

wasn't prepared
for what was coming.

Yes.

It's very painful to see him
slide away

get pulled into that dark
abyss of nightmares and

hallucinations

which he couldn't escape.

Can't shed my mind.

But I can shed my skin.

The butchers skin, the raba.

All I need is a clean cut.

Everything V-shaped by the blade.

Years of shame and guilt.

Self-neglect.

Uncertainty.

Shaved off.

Just like that.

It takes a surprisingly short time.

This engage from the past.

Maybe my true self

lies behind all boundaries

sex and gender.

Maybe it always has
and I never really knew.

What?

Want to try this end.

Trading for what?

The gun.

1 millimeter fire star...

Got ammunition.
- No...

Finally, you have to stop eating all
that crap and become healthy again.

Healthy mind in a
powerful body.

I have to keep my focus
straight and switch all my senses

Full alert.

I could have been a father.

A daddy with a little girl.

Kind of like that.

Here.

Lucy!

Thank you!

Lucy!

Then again, maybe not.

How many truths
you are hiding in the dark?

Why do I feel a great relief
and slipping into my other self?

It's also a part
of God's creation.

Or maybe God is nothing
but a magician.

Dividing night from day,
pain from joy.

Innocence from evil.

And what if that all
no longer mattered.

And I'm God's lonely soul.

The naked Robert in the heart.

Now, you see me.

Now, you don't.

And every now and then

unexpected visitors
creep into my new life.

Trying to divert my path.

Alex!

How could she ever understand?

Laura!

Pick up your trial, mama?

And my journey into the night
has just begun.

Drink!

Bad.

All my darling!

Darling...

Hey!

Whoo-la-la.

What the fuck?
What the hell!

Move. Move.
- This is insane.

Fuck!

Stay out.

Hi!

Life begins and ends in bed.

And we are born
and die alone.

Oh mama!

What were we ever

a solitary pair of moths.

Destined for secret flying.

Glass photo flickering
in an empty church.

Carried me in your womb.

As I carry you
in my heart.

I forgive you, Mama.

And I hope you can
forgive me.

Hey!

You are alright, na?

Still remember this
unnerving dream.

I was lying on the shores
of a big lake

Alex was there with me,
the sun was shining and that was

beautiful and warm.

Suddenly, he climbed on a rock

waved at me, smiled

and jumped into the water.

As soon as he disappeared
under water

the water froze to solid ice.

I ran into the ice on panic.
Barefoot.

And so I am down there in the dark.

Desperate trying to break the ice
and get back up.

Then I am pressing my hands
in the ice

trying to melt it with my hands.

Big dark eyes

starring at me from below.

Desperation still haunts me

to this day.

Alex! For God's sake.

Alex, why are you
not answering my calls?

I was worried about you.

Please! I wanna a...

I'll be back tonight.

Isn't it, ironic?

The more we try to work
against fate

the more destiny repeat it so.

From generation to generation.

But love conquers all, right?

That is at least what they say.

Why?

Why me?

Why?

Why?

God!

O God!

Uh.

Why me?

Please, why me?

O God!

Help!

Help me!

Please!

Help me!

O God!

A brand new car could not help me.

Not now.

I was too far abstrained.

Waiting for that deep dark
pool of my beginnings.

As far back into your womb.

Was it said?
- Got it.

Thanks!

You just saved my life.

I had the rare privilege
of having

to begin life twice.

And I finally found peace.

It doesn't really matter
who you are or used to be.

As long as you
are true to yourself.

I turned my world upside down.

Only to find a more
complete self to the other end.

That gave us the ability to love.

Forgive and change.

That's what makes us humans.

Nothing else matters.

Not in the end.