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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:02,126
[? theme music playing]
2
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,922
? It seems today
That all you see ?
3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,091
? Is violence in movies
And sex on TV ?
4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,512
? But where are those
Good old-fashioned values ?
5
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,306
[all]
? On which we used to rely? ?
6
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,768
? Lucky there's a family guy ?
7
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:21,605
? Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do ?
8
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,240
? All the things
That make us ?
9
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,983
? Laugh and cry ?
10
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:30,280
[all]
? He's a family guy! ?
11
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,284
[? instrumental music playing]
12
00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:38,913
Okay, now remember, Lois,
the school likes to blame
13
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,999
the kids' bad grades
on trouble at home.
14
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,209
So when we get in the
parent teacher conference,
15
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,545
it can't seem like there's any
cracks in our marriage.
16
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,630
Peter, this isn't
a parent teacher conference,
17
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,549
-it's a fundraiser-
-Here we go again!
18
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,426
Let me punch
your shrew card, Lois.
19
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,470
Because the tenth nag is free!
20
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:57,266
"Welcome to an hour
of squeaks and echoes in the gym."
21
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:58,976
[echoes] Gym, gym, gym.
22
00:00:58,977 --> 00:01:01,936
Huh, I guess they're selling
all the music department
23
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,189
instruments to raise money.
Typical.
24
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,568
They always cut
the arts programs but never any sports.
25
00:01:07,569 --> 00:01:09,569
Actually, they canceled
field hockey.
26
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,195
See? They're selling
the old uniforms.
27
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,636
And what vintage is this one?
28
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,492
A 2022 Junior Varsity, sir.
29
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,827
Mm. Excellent year.
30
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:21,123
Sir, I'm gonna have my team
cut it up and turn it into dinner napkins.
31
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,959
Oh, Giuseppe,
you are a wizard.
32
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,129
Hello! I'm Mr. Campanale,
the music teacher.
33
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:30,465
Welcome to my "going-out
of-business" woodwind sale.
34
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,551
Everything must blow!
35
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,970
[wearily] Uh-ha, yes,
that's very good.
36
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:39,307
Uh, tell me,
does your saxophone come with
37
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,078
the George Michael classic
"Careless Whisper" on it?
38
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,564
With enough practice, this saxophone
will play anything you like.
39
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:46,732
Sweet! I'll take it.
40
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,775
Great!
How will you be paying today?
41
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,904
Are you sure
you should spend that?
42
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:56,640
Oh yeah, there's still plenty in there
for Meg to pay for online college.
43
00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,098
[? inspiring music playing]
44
00:01:58,099 --> 00:02:00,077
Have you ever dreamed
of learning calculus
45
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,705
on a crowded
rush hour subway...
46
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,875
Or pushing that thing IVs hang
from around the hospital...
47
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,961
Want to hug an old man
at an ethnic family picnic?
48
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,296
Whatever the dream...
49
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,965
As long as it's not
going to real college...
50
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,384
Online college
is here for you.
51
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,760
[announcer] Online college!
52
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:18,055
If you had another choice,
you'd make it.
53
00:02:19,329 --> 00:02:23,059
-[slurping]
-All right, everybody shut up.
54
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,110
The masked singer
55
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:27,063
is about to reveal who the big
Gatorade-Bottle-Of-Pee is!
56
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:30,358
They're really scraping
the bottom of the barrel for new costumes.
57
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:34,488
-[announcer] And your masked singer is...
-[? playing saxophone poorly]
58
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,198
Wait, who'd they say?
59
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:39,409
It's another D-Lister
nobody can recognize my face alone.
60
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,287
Damn it, Peter! Do you know
how many hours of Ken Jeong
61
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,082
and his tiny jackets
I tolerated for that moment?
62
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,919
Sorry. In the future, I'll try not to
be so... [whispers] ...careless.
63
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:50,545
[? continues playing]
64
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,008
God,
he never thinks about others.
65
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:57,051
Remember when he totally
ruined our family
66
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,637
Thanksgiving football game?
67
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,722
Okay, we gotta go
all tush-pushes.
68
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:03,767
Hot niece I'm not related to by blood,
you're the center.
69
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,812
The rest of you, shove me
into her as hard as you can.
70
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:10,107
[teary] So,
I put the bottle down.
71
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,651
But even though her family
forgave me,
72
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,486
I'll never forgive myself.
73
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,864
[? playing "Careless Whisper"
on saxophone]
74
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:21,028
[gasps then continues playing]
75
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,170
Bravo!
76
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,957
I knew these AA stories
would be the perfect set-up
77
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,418
for the guilty pain
of "Careless Whisper".
78
00:03:29,419 --> 00:03:30,876
Okay, let's take it
from the top
79
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,169
with the guy
who can only have
80
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,256
supervised Panera visits
with his kid.
81
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,590
[licks]
82
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,218
[? playing "Taps" on trumpet]
83
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,637
[? playing "Careless Whisper"]
84
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,430
[? continues playing "Taps"]
85
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,995
[? continues playing
"Careless Whisper"]
86
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,621
I'm so sorry for your loss.
87
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:09,165
Now, this screen
is gonna ask you a couple of questions.
88
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,333
You want a tip?
89
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,210
Add 35%?
90
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:15,064
You have to pick it
'cause it's the button in the middle.
91
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,883
[? playing "Careless Whisper"
flawlessly]
92
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,407
[? playing "Careless Whisper"
poorly]
93
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,904
What the hell, Peter?
94
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:42,491
This is the fifth night in a row
you woke me up with that damn song.
95
00:04:42,492 --> 00:04:44,283
Your house
is where the streetlight is.
96
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,334
It's not my fault.
97
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,620
Yeah, well, thanks a lot.
98
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,914
I was only having
the best dream ever.
99
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,999
Oh yeah? One of them
that ends wet?
100
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:54,252
No. Get this, I'm returning
the lawn mower to Home Depot.
101
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,837
The workers were wearing blue
but I still knew it was
102
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:57,888
a Home Depot,
103
00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,257
dreams are weird like that.
104
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,302
Anyway, they offer me cash
instead of store credit.
105
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:06,598
So I ask, "Are you sure? It's covered
in grass, and I don't have a receipt."
106
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,311
And then you know
what Bud said-
107
00:05:08,312 --> 00:05:09,725
That was the guy's name, Bud,
108
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,236
which is also
my Dad's name so.
109
00:05:11,237 --> 00:05:14,438
Sir Carl Jung would have a field...
[chuckles] ...field day with that one.
110
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,939
Anyway, you know what he said?
111
00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,567
-No.
-Me neither!
112
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,695
Now go play inside
so I can get back to sleep
113
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:23,073
and see how this roller coaster ends.
114
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,248
[slams]
115
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:28,203
And before you go to bed, this screen
is gonna ask you a couple of questions.
116
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,705
[? instrumental music playing]
117
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,291
Good game. Good game.
118
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,305
Good game.
Hey, nice assist back there.
119
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,545
Good game. Good game.
120
00:05:36,546 --> 00:05:38,254
Hey, Quagmire,
you got a minute?
121
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,174
Sure, let me just violently
wave my door a couple of times...
122
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,641
[waves]
123
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,844
Come on in.
124
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,387
What am I gonna do, Quagmire?
125
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,973
Peter's driving me nuts
with that saxophone.
126
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,058
Joseph, I realized
a long time ago,
127
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,977
you can't fight
Peter's antics.
128
00:05:51,978 --> 00:05:53,769
The harder you resist
the shenanigans,
129
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,188
the shenannier they become.
130
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,773
So what I did was put together
131
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,567
the Peter Griffin
Survival Kit.
132
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,840
It's everything you need
to make being his neighbor tolerable.
133
00:06:01,841 --> 00:06:04,613
I've got a variety of these
different sized plugs-
134
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,323
To put in your ears
when he's loud?
135
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,950
Yeah or, you know,
anywhere they fit.
136
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,451
And this tracks
Peter's heart rate,
137
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,682
so I can avoid him
when he's overstimulated.
138
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,796
[beeps]
139
00:06:12,797 --> 00:06:15,082
That spike is when he found
a frog the other day.
140
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,043
Do you have anything
to help me sleep?
141
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:21,631
That doesn't involve putting
your orifice plug in my ear, ideally.
142
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,008
As a matter of fact, I do.
143
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,969
These are powerful,
unregulated sleeping pills.
144
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,102
I got them in the Navy.
145
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:29,889
They give these to all the guys
who commit atrocious massacres
146
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,850
and then have
trouble sleeping.
147
00:06:31,851 --> 00:06:34,393
-[heart monitor beeping]
-[Peter] A caterpillar in March?
148
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,438
[? instrumental music playing]
149
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,858
[doorbell ringing]
150
00:06:39,859 --> 00:06:41,483
[Quagmire] I'm coming!
I'm coming!
151
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:44,321
Angrily tying a bathrobe...
'cause I got woken up...
152
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,282
Thanks again for those
sleepy pills, Mr. Q.
153
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,660
Front row tickets
to the blanket show, baby.
154
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,204
"Mr. Q?" What are you-
Oh my God!
155
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,581
Joe, you're walking!
156
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:58,335
Walk it like I talk it
and talk it like I walk it.
157
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,919
Wait, are you.
158
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,005
You're asleep!
How is this possible?
159
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:06,384
Well, I could tell you,
but who needs a long, boring story.
160
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,303
You're walking and self-aware?
161
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:09,471
It's a miracle!
162
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,731
[gasps]
163
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,816
[grunts]
164
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:14,942
What happened?
165
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,645
What happened is you walked!
166
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,229
Oh my God, you're right!
167
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,940
I beat my record.
168
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,612
[? instrumental music playing]
169
00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:28,656
All right, what do we got,
170
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,783
four middle-aged guys
at the same appointment?
171
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,534
I don't need to know
how it got up there.
172
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,286
Just tell me who I'm
taking it out of.
173
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,372
No, no! Doc, it's Joe!
174
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,917
He took a super strong
sleeping pill last night and sleepwalked!
175
00:07:38,918 --> 00:07:42,336
Well, people do display
odd behavior under the influence of drugs
176
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,131
like Ambien.
Let me get somebody better suited to help.
177
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,425
I got a code
TB12 in room three.
178
00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:50,511
Hi, I'm pseudo-science expert
and Tom Brady face-thinner-outer
179
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,430
Doctor Alex Guerrero.
180
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,181
Now, how can I
help you gentlemen?
181
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,557
I've been in a chair
for years,
182
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,645
but I took one
of these last night and started walking.
183
00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,896
Interesting.
184
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:02,439
Well, there must be a
neurological explanation.
185
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,984
So to get to the bottom of it,
we'll have to use...
186
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,153
-An MRI?
-...our imaginations!
187
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:10,115
I think these pills put you
in such a deep state of sleep,
188
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,728
the damaged part of your
spinal cord went offline.
189
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:13,868
Then to compensate,
190
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:18,331
an undamaged neural pathway
activated allowing you to walk.
191
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,667
So as long as
Joe takes those pills,
192
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,000
he can walk again, right?
193
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,336
Yes, and no.
194
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,839
His legs might work,
but in that state,
195
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,383
he'll have no access
to his waking memory
196
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:31,596
or the personality he's developed
over the course of his life.
197
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:35,014
So technically,
it won't really be Joe who's walking.
198
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,474
Well, now that you mention it,
he was acting strange.
199
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,019
He was super laid back
and kind of cool!
200
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,688
Well, during sleep,
we're not preoccupied with the stress
201
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,232
of our day to day lives.
202
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:47,277
So for him to be very relaxed
makes a lot of sense.
203
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,362
Yeah, but does it though?
204
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,365
If you want my opinion-
and I cannot stress enough
205
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:56,119
how uninformed it is-
Joe should stay away from these pills.
206
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,288
There's no telling what sort of
negative side effects they might have.
207
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,541
Well, guess
it's back to my chair.
208
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,084
Thanks for seeing me.
209
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,420
My pleasure.
Oh, you can make the co-pay out
210
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:07,546
to "Guerrero
Shipping Solutions, LLC,"
211
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,551
and if anyone asks, this all took place
in the state of Delaware.
212
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,630
[? instrumental music playing]
213
00:09:13,631 --> 00:09:17,264
[TV announcer] Coming up this month
on Turner Classic Movies.
214
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,891
Get a hold of yourself!
[slaps]
215
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,309
Get a hold of yourself!
[slaps]
216
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,894
Get a hold of yourself!
[slaps]
217
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,479
[announcer]
Turner Classic Movies,
218
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,858
if a woman gets slapped in
black and white, we've got it.
219
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:29,444
So, I was choring it up
last Friday,
220
00:09:29,445 --> 00:09:31,528
buying new batteries
for the smoke detector-
221
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:32,614
Ho- Hold on, Joe.
222
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:35,074
This anecdote sounds like
it's turning into a story.
223
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,576
Oh, it's a story alright.
224
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,229
-Quagmire, story clock.
-On it.
225
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,830
Okay, you got 60 seconds, Joe.
226
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:42,956
Come on, is that thing
really necessary?
227
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,333
You're using
your time, Joe.
228
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,752
Okay. Okay. Where was I...
229
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,461
batteries
for the smoke detector.
230
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,421
So I get to the store
and I'm like, "Shoot.
231
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,007
There's A batteries,
C batteries, and D batteries."
232
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,802
And that got me to thinking
where the heck are the B batteries?
233
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,471
Did they really skip B?
234
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,084
-I don't buy it, so I start digging.
-[alarm beeps]
235
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,850
-Time!
-Oh, that's not fair.
236
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:03,560
Joe, if you talk any more,
you're gonna put us all to sleep.
237
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,813
Wish Joe was asleep.
He was way more interesting.
238
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:08,565
Yeah, Joe, why don't you take
another one of them sleeping pills?
239
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,066
Maybe you'll sleepwalk again.
240
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,361
What the hell.
241
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,113
I guess one more time
won't hurt.
242
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,329
[gulps]
243
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:16,707
[snoring]
244
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,563
[? intense music playing]
245
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:25,625
Uh-uh, hell no!
This ain't part of God's plan.
246
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:28,252
-[thuds]
-[? playing, "Could You Be Loved"]
247
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,755
Holy crap, that's amazing!
248
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,131
That was my credit he played,
249
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,822
and I'm not a huge
Bob Marley guy,
250
00:10:33,823 --> 00:10:35,759
but otherwise, holy crap,
that's amazing!
251
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,388
So I'm thinking I'll have.
a summer solstice party.
252
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,516
Send the old' girl in the sky
a big 'preesh for the vitamin D.
253
00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:43,016
You guys should check it out.
254
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,768
And if you have any trouble
getting in,
255
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:48,356
just tell 'em you're with...
Joey Goodtimes.
256
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,483
-Can I bring a date?
-No.
257
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,194
Bring two.
258
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,281
Man, sleepwalking Joe
is awesome.
259
00:10:56,282 --> 00:10:58,991
That was my beer for which
I've been waiting quite some time.
260
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,342
But otherwise,
sleepwalking Joe is awesome!
261
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,000
Hey, some party, Joe!
262
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,085
It's "Joey."
Who's up for some food?
263
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,839
Great. Nothing like
the Joe Swanson special,
264
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,259
a supermarket vegetable
platter warmed by the sun.
265
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:19,512
Here we are, gents.
Bowl of Ruffles, two liter bottle of Coke.
266
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,014
Pizza's on the way.
267
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,348
-Wow!
-No way!
268
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,642
Donna says Cola
makes me jumpy.
269
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:28,036
Did y'all meet Bon-fire?
I call her that 'cause she's smoking hot.
270
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,647
[giggles]
271
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:33,902
Peter, give me a nickname
that tells people I'm hot.
272
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,362
I think everyone here has met.
Dumpster-fire?
273
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,239
-Peter!
-It's 'cause of the hair!
274
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:39,949
Jam band's starting, Bon-fire.
275
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,827
Let's go dance
like it's our first day in a human body.
276
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,371
What the hell, Peter?
277
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,916
Joe's unconscious, and he and Bonnie
have a better sex life than we do.
278
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,125
Lois, we've been over this.
279
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,920
Once one of us agrees
to shave it,
280
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,379
we're back in business.
281
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,593
Man, I had the best time
at Joe's yesterday.
282
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,972
You said it! Me and Donna
ate some goofy mushrooms and then cried
283
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,515
watching the sunrise.
284
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,808
And good crying,
285
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,362
not the-bank's-coming
for-your-house crying.
286
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,188
-Hey, there he is!
-The King!
287
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,523
We are very behind
on our payments though.
288
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:13,982
What are you guys
talking about?
289
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,068
It's just me, Joe.
290
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,861
We know! You sleepwalked again
291
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,113
and threw the most epic party
of all time!
292
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:22,241
Yeah, why didn't you tell me
a "free love tent" is just an orgy,
293
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,077
minus condoms, plus B-O?
294
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,745
Oh man,
I had that at my party?
295
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,830
I hope Bonnie didn't see.
She'd kill me.
296
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,484
Uh, Joe,
Bonnie was in the tent.
297
00:12:29,485 --> 00:12:32,125
But don't worry, she didn't do
anything with anybody but you.
298
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,795
Even under-the-pants stuff?
299
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,508
Well, I am done
with those pills.
300
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,633
Next time I get UTP action,
I wanna be there.
301
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,302
That's too bad 'cause
Joey Goodtimes is the man.
302
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:44,222
He's so popular,
he already has his own Cameo account.
303
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,307
Hey there "Peter Griffin"!
304
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:49,935
Heard somebody's a little nervous about
changing his clothes at Planet Fitness.
305
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:53,426
Well, let me tell you there's no shame
in your game, no matter how much...
306
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,191
it turtles
in front of a crowd.
307
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,318
Are you coming back
to bed, Joey?
308
00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:01,239
Yeah, just firing off some inspo to
a fat idiot with big balls, baby carrot.
309
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,700
It's like monster truck wheels
on a Miata.
310
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,869
You're, uh, still learning
how to end the record.
311
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:14,127
Hey, Bon, sorry I missed
the big party yesterday but I was thinking
312
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:18,089
we could recreate that magic
with some Bosch and chill.
313
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,549
Um, no, thanks.
314
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,384
You sure?
Doesn't have to be Bosch.
315
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:24,297
Could be any one of those
last name crime shows and chill.
316
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,849
Bul? Luther? Longmire?
Reacher? Will Trent?
317
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,810
Which, I know,
it's a first-name last-name crime show.
318
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,895
But what the hell,
it's almost Friday.
319
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,732
Just wake me up if you decide
to fall asleep again.
320
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,985
[flirty] Bon-fire needs
another log.
321
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,652
Actually,
with the drought we've had,
322
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,238
we probably shouldn't be
starting any more fires-
323
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,323
Bon?
324
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,540
[snoring]
325
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,169
[brushing]
326
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,708
When did we get
so boring, Joe?
327
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,462
[? suspenseful music playing]
328
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,339
Speak for yourself.
329
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,299
Joey Goodtimes
and boring go together
330
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:05,070
like peanut butter and jelly.
I know you guys like that,
331
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:09,057
but in the imaginary mirror
universe, it's a gross combo.
332
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:12,977
So tell me, when was the last time
your friends were excited to see you?
333
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,147
When was the last time Bonnie
wanted you to come to bed?
334
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:20,485
[sighs] You're right.
Bonnie and the guys deserve better.
335
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,488
I have to go.
Got a ketchup and tuna sandwich over here
336
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:26,824
that ain't gonna eat itself.
Again, mirror universe.
337
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,419
[gulps]
338
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:41,631
Okay, Joey's back
so let the good times walk.
339
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:44,258
Wait, so I'm stuck
in here now?
340
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,594
Might as well see
what all the fuss is about.
341
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:47,811
[disgusted gag]
342
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,848
He gets Bonnie,
and I get a crappy mirror sandwich?
343
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,436
[? instrumental music playing]
344
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:00,574
[sizzling]
345
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:04,445
I don't know where you get the energy
after a night like that.
346
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,780
Just get over here, babe.
347
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,817
I'm gonna do you
right on the counter
348
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,784
where I prepped
the raw chicken.
349
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,286
[both moaning]
350
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,040
Your boobs are so wet.
351
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,234
You're still holding
the chicken breast.
352
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,088
Oh. Well, in my defense,
I am asleep.
353
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,417
[? instrumental music playing]
354
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,431
Good God! He hit it so far,
355
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,560
they added a yellow tail
so the viewers at home can enjoy it.
356
00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:41,439
Alright, fellas, let's go.
357
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,775
Good thing we don't need
that golf cart anymore.
358
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,029
We get to walk all 18 holes.
359
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,657
Sheesh, I don't even walk
the mini golf course.
360
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,377
[beeping]
361
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:09,050
Hey, slowpokes,
what do you want to drink?
362
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,595
-[both] Beer!
-Pedialyte.
363
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,180
We don't have Pedialyte.
364
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,515
Don't worry, Cleveland,
Joey's got ya.
365
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:17,351
Ava, give me a warm ginger ale
and a flat Sprite.
366
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,519
Little trick
I learned from nausea TikTok.
367
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,938
My Apple Pay's on,
368
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,815
you can just swipe
my pocket, hun.
369
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:23,990
[beeps]
370
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:26,785
[slurps]
371
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:30,406
Mmm... I can feel it coating
my troubled innards.
372
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,824
You know what?
373
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,576
Gimme one of them
clam chowders
374
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,286
and a Baby Ruth.
375
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,541
Okay, that's 17, but let's just call it 18
for legal reasons.
376
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,128
And that's another 20 for me.
377
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,340
I think it's the Asian half
that makes Tiger Woods talented.
378
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:52,553
Boy, I hope no ground hogs pop up
and drag my ball into the hole.
379
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,687
[thumps]
380
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,640
Because
that would be terrible.
381
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,725
[thumps]
382
00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,601
Sounds like fun up there.
Should we go?
383
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,686
Honey? We can't.
384
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,355
It's not February second.
385
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,566
Uch! One day.
Black people get a whole month.
386
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:06,741
Gerald. Don't.
387
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,611
What? Breast cancer
gets a month.
388
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:09,946
Mustaches get a month.
389
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,822
Not masturbating gets a month!
390
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,866
Save it
for your podcast, honey.
391
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,570
[? instrumental music playing]
392
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:20,248
I can't believe Joey stayed
to play another round.
393
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:23,459
Yeah, he said
he wanted to get in 54.
394
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,169
I can't even do that math.
395
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,506
Not even I can get
in that many holes, tired giggity.
396
00:17:28,507 --> 00:17:29,714
It's like he ditched us.
397
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,384
Probably because
you don't like to shower after a round.
398
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,720
Yeah, I- I can smell you
from here.
399
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,180
I forgot my jelly shoes.
400
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:38,223
It's important to wear them
in the clubhouse
401
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,058
because drainage
in a public locker room-
402
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,643
Alright,
I'm starting the clock.
403
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,187
[gasps] Did you just "Joe" me?
404
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:46,356
If anybody should be "Joe"-ing somebody,
it should be me "Joe"-ing you.
405
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,859
Don't you dare "Joe" me,
you fat turd!
406
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:50,827
[timer ticking]
407
00:17:50,828 --> 00:17:54,739
Wait, guys, guys.
Don't you realize what's happening?
408
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,493
Every friend group
needs to have a bottom friend.
409
00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:00,036
A guy who's doing way worse
than all the rest of us.
410
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,248
And we lost our bottom friend!
411
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,042
Three Shirley Temples
for that booth over there.
412
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,461
You're right.
Ever since Joe became awesome,
413
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:10,213
the rest of us are just scrambling
to stay off the bottom.
414
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:13,551
Without Joe, we're like Oates,
Messina and Garfunkel.
415
00:18:13,552 --> 00:18:16,052
Well, that's a funny cutaway
we don't have time for.
416
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,743
But we gotta get
the old Joe back!
417
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,557
From the gentleman at the bar.
418
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,976
He told me to tell you,
"Bottoms up".
419
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:24,944
[slurping]
420
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,231
[? instrumental music playing]
421
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,694
Hey, Joey, how'd you shoot?
422
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,614
Oh, I don't keep score,
but someone else did.
423
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:35,747
Sixty-eight.
424
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,658
Oh cool. Here's a question.
425
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:40,118
Is Bermuda grass something
you can grow anywhere,
426
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,788
or is it like champagne
and it has to come from there?
427
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,543
Oh, that's a long,
boring story
428
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:46,417
that I have no desire to tell.
429
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,503
Joey, is a AAA membership
worth it?
430
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:55,509
I'll have plenty of time to tell you that
when I'm not waiting in line at the DMV.
431
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:59,889
Or getting up to 40% off tickets
to any participating AMC theater.
432
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,892
Hey, whatever this is,
knock it off!
433
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,061
Hey, Joey,
I can never remember,
434
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,063
what group sings this song.
435
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:08,981
[? playing,
"Life is a highway"]
436
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,115
? Life is a highway ?
437
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,734
? I wanna ride it ?
438
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,235
? All night long ?
439
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,780
Uh, actually,
it's not a group,
440
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,183
it's a person. Tom Cochrane.
441
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,699
A Canuck, no less-
442
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,242
I know what you
guys are doing!
443
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,411
You're trying to get
rid of Joey Goodtimes!
444
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,956
Wheel to the light, Joe!
We need you back.
445
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,209
No! But I'm cool now!
446
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,836
The old Joe
was just a crippled punching bag!
447
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:31,970
That's right.
448
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,924
And he was our crippled
punching bag and we miss him.
449
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:38,177
Yeah, we thought we liked
this Joe better, but we don't.
450
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,429
That's right.
The old Joe is the best Joe.
451
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,931
I can't go back!
452
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,683
I'll never go back!
453
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,644
Fine. I didn't want to have
to do this, but I will.
454
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:50,648
Joe tell us why aren't there
any B batteries?
455
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,233
I- I won't!
456
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,652
Why aren't there
any B batteries?
457
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:58,322
There are!
There are B batteries.
458
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,657
It's just electronics
manufacturers favored
459
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:03,077
the dimensions
of the new double and triple As.
460
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,371
We all know C and D
found their niche
461
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,039
in high drain situations,
462
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,791
but B slowly disappeared.
463
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,585
Except for European lanterns
and bike lights!
464
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,052
[collapses]
465
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:15,172
Joe, it's a miracle!
466
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,424
You can't walk!
467
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,220
[? instrumental music playing]
468
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,056
And that's why Ralph Nader
deemed it,
469
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:25,766
"unsafe at any speed".
470
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:26,900
[timer dings]
471
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,854
Wow, that was so long
and boring.
472
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,605
It's nice
to have you back, Joe.
473
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:35,860
And I enjoy having the space on the booth
seat for my pocket bric-a-brac back.
474
00:20:35,861 --> 00:20:39,028
Hey, what did you end up doing
with the rest of those pills I gave you?
475
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:42,575
I dumped them in the 18th hole
in honor of Joey Goodtimes.
476
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:43,875
[slicing]
477
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,371
Oh, Gerald. [laughs]
What are you doing?
478
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,665
Don't worry about
what I'm doing, baby.
479
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,667
Worry about
what I'm about to do.
480
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:55,588
I'm gonna turn Groundhog Day
into poundhog day.
481
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:59,341
[playful] Gerald,
I'm cooking an acorn.
482
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,969
[? closing theme music
playing]
483
00:21:02,019 --> 00:21:06,569
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