All language subtitles for Doc.S02E22.en

(Jake): You've been different
since you came back

from Chicago.
(Amy): You've changed since

this whole thing with Rachel.

Previously on Doc.

How much prednisone does it take
to get you through a shift?

- Dr. Ben Grant.
I saw you speak in New York.

- George Baker died.

(Amy): It's twice
as contagious as Ebola.

- All individuals are asked
to shelter in place.

- Was that a memory seizure?

There's always phenobarb.

(Amy): It has so many
side effects.

We need to decompress.
(Michael): We're losing him.

(screaming)
- Oh, no.

- Needle stick protocol.
(Jake): What's going on,

what's happened?

(dramatic music)

(cellphone buzzing)

(soft music)

- Mom? You okay?

- So...

you said you wanted
to know if uh--

- You're sick?

- I tested positive.

But I feel okay,

and I don't have any
pre-existing conditions, so.

- You think I didn't
look this up?

I know how dangerous it is.

- I love you, Katydid.

And I'm sorry
for anything that I--

- No, don't, Mom.

We've already done this,
you're forgiven.

Please...

I can't bear the idea
that you don't know that.

(voice breaking): Please,
tell me you know that.

- I know.

I do know that.

- We're good, Mom.

You're good.

(gasping)

(theme music)

- I'm not micromanaging, Sophie,

I'm trying to keep
our mother alive--

(phone beeping)

- Little sister?

(sighs)

- Is it that obvious?
(light chuckle)

- I got one myself.

- Is she taking years
off your life?

- Well, it's too soon to tell.

She's been sick for a while.

I wish I lived closer
so I could do more.

(ominous music)

- Ella Moran
just tested positive.

She was infected
prior to her surgery,

so Dr. Grant, Peter, TJ,

and Marcy may have
been exposed as well.

We're waiting on
all their results.

Now, as of now,
the rest of the staff

are still negative,

but we should continue
to test every 12 hours.

- What's the latest on
the antiviral cocktails?

- Three had minimal
to no impact,

one seems to be very effective
at killing the virus.

- But it nearly killed
Richard, right?

- Yeah, it fried his liver.
Can't rely on that one.

- If he makes it
to the other side,

we could use his blood

to produce a convalescent
plasma serum.

- But that's a big "if."

- We can't just sit
around and wait.

- What if we use the cocktail
that worked on Richard,

but attempt to mitigate
the liver damage?

- Well, with what?
- NAC would be my pick.

- This could also
just cause more harm.

- I don't see
how that's possible.

- So, what do you want to do?
Just treat them like lab rats?

- Lab rats don't get consent.
- And what else are
we supposed to do?

- Continue supportive care.

Let the immune system
do its job.

- You saw the autopsy images,
there is no supportive care.

- Ugh, I can't
keep anything down.

- I just gave you
an IV anti-emetic.

It'll kick in soon.

(heavy breathing)

- Thank you for,
for helping him.

- Ah, he was scared.
And your leader,

his cowardice didn't help.

- Hey, Ella. These should
help with the chills.

- You performed my surgery,
did I give it to you?

- No. I got my test
back 20 minutes ago,

and I'm still negative, okay?
- Okay.

- Shouldn't you be in bed?

- As long as I can
keep working, I will.

How are you feeling?

- A lot worse than yesterday.

- At least you know it's not
cause of the antivirals.

- I heard you told Katie.
- Yeah, it was brutal.

- Do you want me to
explain what happened?

- No.

But thank you.
- Hold on a minute.

I need everyone's attention.

It seems only one
antiviral cocktail

combats the virus effectively.

But it comes with potentially
lethal side effects.

- So it's not effective.

- We're working on a way
to counteract the dangers,

so we can still use it
to try and save you.

For those unable to weigh in,

we've spoken
with their families.

For the rest of you,

the decision of whether
to try this is your own.

- Well, without it,
what are our chances?

- Obviously,
everyone is starting

with different
individual risk factors.

But broadly,

Marburg in Angola
had a 90% fatality rate.

Here, with such
advanced medicine,

it can be as low as one in five.

Still, this is
a very strong variant,

so the fatality rate
will likely be higher.

- Well, it sounds like
you don't know a thing.

How do you not
have any answers?

- He has the decency
to tell you the truth!

That's what you want, right?

I'll try it.

- No way!
(scoffs)

- Like I said, it's up to you.

But we recommend
this course of treatment.

- I'm game.

- Me too.

(suspenseful music)

- We'll get you started
on it right away.

(Renee): Must be
so scary out there.

(sighing): Like nothing
I've ever seen.

- Those suits you wear,
they keeping you safe?

- Yeah, I'm negative.
And I'm gonna stay that way.

- Sure!
You're having too much fun

flirting
with that pretty doctor.

- What are you talking about?

(chuckling): I know you,
big bro!

There was something more
at that conference

than what you told her.

- And I think your imagination

is starting to run wild
on you in there!

(cellphone ringing)

- It looks like you
just got saved by the bell.

Roomie's getting a call.
Stay safe, or I'll kill you!

- I will.

- Hey, you.
- How you doing?

- Little stir crazy,
but I'm fine.

Any better out there?

- Three more positive cases,
one of them's Amy.

- Oh no. Jake!

- Yeah, she took some meds
that distracted her,

didn't tell me until afterwards.

(Rachel): I'm so sorry,
that sounds horrible.

- Um, anyway, how's Mia doing?

- Well, when your aunt thinks
cheese puffs are protein,

all's right with the world.
(Jake chuckles)

- Maybe we need
to fly in your mom.

(laughing): Oh no!
Don't even joke about that!

- Maybe I have innate
cross-reactivity

in my T-Cells
with the Marburg virus.

(voice on phone): And you
think you were exposed

to something similar?

- Years ago, my ex-wife and I

were in Uganda
for a heritage tour.

- Given your level of contact
with these two patients,

and the fact that
you're still asymptomatic,

it is possible you already
have immunoglobulins.

- And if I do, could my CD8
T-cells be clearing viremia?

(Michael): We haven't
given it enough time.

- I don't like it, okay?

Her AST is 1,100,
we gotta pull her off this.

- Woah, what's going on,
what are you doing?

- She's not reacting well
to the antiviral.

- I knew it was a bad idea!
- Okay, can you stop mine, too?

- Everyone is different, Lance.

You and Mr. Zweig are both
showing some improvement.

- That is only temporary.
Herman is jaundiced.

Chase has peripheral edema.
- Herman's viral load

is dropping,
and Chase's swelling
could just be the Marburg.

- I-I want to stop
the meds, too.

- Amy, we pulled Liz off because
her liver enzymes are too high,

but yours are still
in a safe range.

- The data points are
trending upward for everyone.

There's a tipping point,
we're all gonna get there,

and we're gonna wind up
like Richard!

- Hey! Wait, what are you
talking about over there,

what's happening?

- Barry, have you been
to medical school

since our last conversation?

Right, this is doctors only!

- Well, at the moment,
you're a patient.

- You need to find another way.

- I won't risk everyone else's
chances because you're scared.

You wanna pull yourself off,
do it discreetly.

But the course
of treatment stands.

(tense music)

(cellphone buzzing)

- Just tell me
you're still okay.

- I'm fine.
Are the antivirals working?

- Uh, it's a mixed bag
at the moment.

- Then maybe you need
my antibodies.

- Gina, there are plenty of us
who still don't have it--

- Who worked on the code,
and treated Mr. Santiago?

I spoke to two
immunologists in DC,

and a renowned
virologist in Colorado.

They believe it's possible.

- Dr. Walker was wrong.
She doesn't have antibodies.

- Well then,
why didn't she get it yet?

- She's not gonna get it.
Ever.

- If she's not immune,
how can you know that?

- No, I don't want!

- Hey, what's
happening with him?

- Sto-stop! It's too much.

- He's delirious.

- Stop!
You don't care about me!

- He's talking about
how we made him drink.

I wouldn't even be here if
we hadn't done that to him.

(Chase, crying):
You don't care about me!

- Everyone's saying
that you're the one

who figured this out,
hm?

The virus.

I could never have
forgiven myself if I went home,

and spread this thing
to my grandkids.

So, thank you.

- You're welcome.

Gina. No! You have it, too?

- No, I'm resistant.
- What? How?

- It turns out this strain

hijacks the cholesterol pathway
to get into your cells.

I have a genetic mutation
that blocks that access point,

so the virus can't get in.

- So you don't have antibodies,

but Richard does.

- Which means now that
they know where to look,

pathologists can access
that antibody within hours

instead of months.

If it works,
then we have a cure.

At least for this strain.
(sighs)

- The problem is gonna
be getting his blood,

he's too sick.

I just...
(sighs)

have to figure out
how to make him better.

- Okay, there's a lot
of doctors working on this,

let's get you into bed.

- Close your eyes, it's okay.

I can't get
her temperature down,

it won't be long now.

- Was it the cocktail?

- AST's 850,

she has the virus, an ulcer.

- Take everyone
off the antiviral.

(ominous music)

(cellphone ringing)

(Sophie): Hello?

- Hi, Sophie. It's Dr. Grant.

- Is she okay?

- Well, we tried
everything we could,

but unfortunately, Ella--

- Wait, wait. Wait.

Please.

She's a pain in
the ass, you know?

Bossy, patronizing.

But she's my big sister,

and there's no one I love more!

And no one who will ever love e
the way she does, so just...

give me another minute
before you say it out loud.

- Sure. Sure.

- I think...

maybe she pissed me off
so much cause she was right.

My mom needs better,

and I can't do this!

- That's not
what she said to me.

- What, what exactly
did she say?

- My sister, she's got this.

Tell her.

(sobbing)

- I'm sorry, I've gotta go.

(phone beeping)

- That was kind.

- Sorry?

- I'm sure Ella
wasn't lucid at the end.

(soft music)

- You threw everything at it.

- First, do no harm.

- I'm sure Hippocrates
understood

there was some room for nuance.

- Not sure Amy does.

- When things go wrong, she has
a tendency to assign blame.

- Richard's our only chance now,

but he is not getting
better fast enough.

- His O2 is at 94%,

and LFT's are down
to just over a hundred.

He is getting better.

- L-carnitine
with cholestyramine

could accelerate his recovery.

- I did that already.
- Then, add flumazenil.

- That could trigger a seizure.

- Oh, now you're
getting cautious?

(machine beeping)

- Do it.

(tense music)

(speaking foreign language)

- No, no.
There's nothing you can do.

(speaking foreign language)

Tell Mom not to worry.

(TJ): I'm gonna take my 30 now.

How are your folks?

- A lot of unresolved stuff

they'll have to deal with
if I go down.

- You're not going down.

- You talk to your parents yet?

- They've been through
a lot with me already.

They have faith.

We're gonna get through this.

(somber music)

- I'll check Valproate
trough levels.

- Okay, let's repeat
the EG tomorrow.

How's TJ?

- He's worried.
Feels guilty about Amy.

- Well, it's definitely
not on him.

- What does that mean?

- Hey. I just spoke
to my sister,

Rachel has a fever.

- Yeah. Okay.

(tense music)

- We can't even talk
inside our own house?

- I was exposed
to someone yesterday,

there's no vaccine for Mia yet,
there's nothing I can do!

- Well, Mia's going
to Eliana's this weekend

and I am going to Cabo
with my girlfriends!

- Okay great, you have fun.

- That's it?

- What do you want me to say?

- How about, "No Rache,

let's you and me go instead!"

- You know I can't do that!

- Right, because
the whole world will die

if you leave work
for three days!

- I took an oath
to my patients.

- Before that,
you made a vow to me!

- Come on, Rachel!

Give me a break!
- We don't even belong here!

We're supposed
to be in Maryland!

- There's plenty of Covid
in Maryland.

- We are losing us, Jake.

And you don't even see it.

(soft music)

(cellphone buzzing)

- Nora?

- Amy. How are you feeling?

- Not great.

Is there something you need?

- I tried calling Michael,
he didn't pick up.

Katie called, she's scared,

so I'm gonna go to
the house and be with her.

- Okay.

You should go be with her, then.

- Good. I didn't
want to overstep.

- Right, well it never
stopped you before.

- Excuse me?

- I'm sorry, I...

Look, I know that
you were there for her

when I couldn't be.

You helped her through
a really dark time,

so I need to thank you for that.

- Um...

I'm gonna walk into your house,

and I'm gonna look
after your daughter

the best I can right now.

But when you get
out of there,

if you and Michael
are meant to be together,

I really hope that happens.

For both of you.

- Give her a hug for me, okay?

- I will.

(phone beeping)

- Wow. You must really
think we're gonna die.

- I just wouldn't want
to leave anything unsaid.

- I know you think I'm one
of these conspiracy kooks.

But I wasn't always like this.

- What happened?

- Covid.

I mean, I listened
to the experts,

I-I followed all the rules,

and my son, he was 10.

The masks and isolation.

He's a shell of himself now.

And I couldn't help him.

Still can't.

- And that's a tough age
to begin with.

- You remember being 10?

- Sure!

On my tenth birthday,
we won the war.

It was a good day!

But the world
promises us nothing.

I lost both my parents
and my sisters in the camps.

And later, I lost both my wives
to cancer, and even...

even my son.

But all we could do is try
to be grateful for what we have,

when we have it.

And treat everyone
with dignity,

and generosity
when they make mistakes.

(tense music)

(cellphone buzzing)

- Dr. Heller.

- We have Rachel's test results.

- Just tell me.

- You have the flu.

(sighs)

It's probably from our daughter,
the Petri dish!

(laughter)

- Wait, but Mia
doesn't even have it!

- Yeah, I just got off
the phone with Allie,

I guess she's starting
to get some symptoms,

she just didn't wanna worry us.

- Well, that might
have been good to know!

(both laughing)
- Yeah.

You dodged another bullet.

- I'm lucky.

More than I ever realized.

(tense music)

- How am I doing?

- You scared us there
for awhile.

But, lungs are better,
abdomen's soft.

I expect a full recovery.

- And how's Amy?

Julie told me
she got infected...

saving me.

(soft music)

- Can I do anything for you?

- You can stop
feeling responsible.

I was off my game,
you did everything right.

I need you to tell me
that you hear me.

- I hear you.

- What you prescribed
for Richard is working.

Just, hold on. Okay?

- So, Richard's viral load
finally hit zero.

- The only problem is

we need a very high
concentration of antibodies,

and he's too weak to give us
more than a couple of units.

- Which is enough
for how much serum?

- Three doses, if we're lucky.

- Then, who do we give it to?

- If we knew
it was a surefire cure,

it would go to the sickest.

- Yeah, but we're not
and we can't let it go to waste.

- Okay, so what do you want,
we just forget about Herman,

give it to the frat boys
because they're younger?

- I didn't say that, Jake.

- No, but we know
where this is going.

- So, you wanna deny the frat
boys cause you don't like them?

Does that mean
Mr. Conspiracy's out, too?

- What do we do about the fact

that our own people
are in there?

- We can't rule them out
just because

we're afraid
of being accused of bias.

(Gina): What, nobody
wants to say it?

Amy needs to get one!

I don't care about
philosophical debates!

She needs to get one!

Where are you?

- You think I don't
wanna give it to her?

- I don't know, Gina.
But we took an oath.

So, I don't know
how to deal with this.

- We can't play God.

How would we live
with ourselves

when some of them don't survive?

- We need to take ourselves
out of this.

I need a hat.

(somber music)

- Oh, don't look
at me like that.

I'm gonna be fine.

- How are Liz's SATS?

- 86.

- That's bad. AST?

- Stuck at 600.

- Who's gonna get my serum?

- I don't know.

(tense music)

- These have the serum.
- Okay.

- Everyone, there's something
new we want to try.

And since Dr. Miller
is recovering,

it involves using his blood.

Unfortunately, we only have
enough for three patients.

Each of you will get an IV bag.

Three have Dr. Miller's serum,

the rest are placebos.

Now, it was chosen randomly.

None of you will know who's
getting the actual treatment.

And once again,

we need your consent.

- Uh huh.

(tense music)

- Amy!

(fast beeping)

- Dr. Coleman, I need your help.
- What happened?

- Hypotensive, LOC.

POCUS shows thoracic aortic
dissection from the Marburg.

It threw a shower of clots, so
she also has ischemic kidneys.

- So, you, you gotta
anti-coagulate.

- Can't.
Not with the dissection.

Need to fix the kidneys

and the aorta
at the same time.

- A lap and a thoracotomy?
That's two surgeries at once!

- Which is why
I need another surgeon.

Scrub up, suit up, let's go!

(tense music)

While I work on her heart, you
clear the renal artery clots.

- Mid-line incision.
- Exactly.

Now after you clear the clots,

you'll assess
the kidney tissue viability,

and you'll probably need
to do a wedge resection.

- I've only done one,
appendectomy, and even then--

- I can talk you through it.

Scalpel.

(tense music)

- I'm gonna take care
of our girl.

You guys need an assist?

- I'm told you're pretty good.

- You were misinformed.

I'm spectacular.

(both laugh)

(Michael):
I know you're scared, honey,

but she's in good hands.

- But she still has the virus,
which is like Ebola!

- I know, but...

- Dad?

- I'm sorry, I um...

(Katie): Dad!

(deep inhale)

- I'm okay.

It's okay.

- TJ, dab above my forceps.

- The section is fully exposed.

- What do you see?

- It's distal
to the left subclavian.

- That's fortunate.

- Excellent candidate for
replacement with a Dacron graft.

Vascular cross clamp.

Cross clamping now.
- No!

- I need to stop the blood flow
so I can remove the dissection.

- You cut off the blood flow,
even for a minute,

you deprive the kidneys
of oxygen.

That'll destroy them.
- What about ECMO?

- We only have one, and it's
connected to another patient.

- We need to do our very own
Red River diversion.

- What are you talking about?
- Come on, TJ!

Fargo and Moorhead
divert the river

to stop all the flooding.

- You want me to reroute
the blood flow

from above
the dissection to below?

- I get the blood,
you get a dry field. Win-win.

- I like it.

- You done it before?

- Never. Give a 4-O prolene
on a needle driver.

(tense music)

- How are we looking?

- My field is nice and...

dry.

- And I've got happy kidneys.

Oh, I spoke too soon, maybe not.

- What's wrong?

- I've got multiple segments
with necrotic tissue.

- If we reconstruct
the renal arteries,

we could do focused
nephron sparing resections,

it'll save her kidneys.

- I need 100 milligrams
of hydrocortisone.

- Yes ma'am.

Not for her.

For me.

I won't get through this
without that.

Do it, Peter. Now!

(tense music)

Arterial reconstruct is good,

just have two more segments of
nonviable kidneys to deal with.

- CO2's climbing.

- Up the resp rate.
Blow off some of that acid.

(equipment beeping)

- That's her heart now!

- Potassium must be
spiking, too.

Kidneys have been down too long.

(Joan): I am repairing
as fast as I can.

- Push beta blockers,
Peter, we need time.

(Peter): On it.

- TJ, I need you to suture
that small segment for me.

- Give me a 4-0.

- SVT runs now.
Getting nervous here.

- Not helpful.

(tense music)

- Done. How's that?

- Perfect.

- Aortic flow is restored.

- It's impressive.

- You're not the only
one who's spectacular!

- Can you close for me, please?

(somber music)

(heavy breathing)

(moaning)

- Yeah.

- Oh, everything hurts!

- Yeah, yeah,
that's to be expected.

- Do I even wanna know?

- Well, uh...

Let's just say, you know,

you and I are closer
than we used to be.

- You, you operated on me?

- Not just me.

Secondary to the Marburg,

you had an aortic aneurysm,

and ischemic kidneys,

so Dr. Grant took the former
and I did the latter,

and TJ assisted brilliantly.

- And?

- All fixed up.

Your Marburg's
getting better, too.

- Oh. I got the serum.

- No, you did not.

- It must have been...

a hard decision.

- No one decided.

Had to make it random or it
would have been unethical.

- So my body is fighting it.

- I would expect nothing less.

- What about the others?

- Lance didn't make it,
but the other boy did.

- And Liz? And Herman?

- Got the serum, plus Barry.

Richard's on the mend, too.

- I guess we gotta be glad

that he came back
to the hospital, huh?

- Somebody works
in mysterious ways.

And now here you are,

with another bite at the apple.

Okay, rest.

(coughing)

- Joan! You alright?

- It's hot in this helmet,

and I've been
wearing it a while.

(deep breath)

- Joan...

What did you do?

- I've given...

all I had now.

But you, you, Amy,

you've got plenty
more to give.

So, give.

(somber music)

- I will.

I promise I will.

(Richard): Yeah, I know.

I heard the same thing, yeah.

I know, I know. Same.

- I got better so fast,

I think maybe
I got the real thing.

- Could be.

- You sure you
wanna go, Mr. Zweig?

(laughing)
- Are you kidding me?

You, stay strong.
And be your own man!

- I will.

- Hey, Herman. I'm sorry you
had to miss your birthday.

- Ah, I missed the party.
Technically, I had my birthday.

(laughter)

Thanks to that serum, you know,
I might have a few more.

- Luck of the draw.

- Yeah. Well...

I'm old, it was wasted on me.

- Oh come on, you really gonna
start questioning the plan now?

- Du host a punkt, Dr. Heller.

- I can't say I know that one.

- It's Yiddish.
Means "touché," more or less.

- Du host a punkt.

- Now you keep wearing that
necklace, loud and proud!

- Yes sir, I will!

- Goodbye.
- Ready?

- Yeah.

(cellphone dings)

- You summoned?
- How's Amy?

- She's better.

Yeah, yeah,
she's gonna be okay now.

- Good.

- Rache? What is it?

- When I had the fever,

and we thought
it was the virus...

you know how they say
when a plane's going down,

your life flashes
before your eyes?

All this time, I thought
you were being so selfish,

but it was me.

I did not understand
what you were going through,

and I screwed up
in the worst way.

I regret it every day,

and I am so sorry.

- I've waited a long time
to hear that.

But I realized that you
tried telling me

how alone you were
all those months

when I was here in the hospital.

You were fighting for us then,
I just, I didn't hear you.

So that's on me.

(soft music)

(sighs)

- I did get his blood, right?

(chuckles)
- Guess that makes you even!

(sighs)

- Sorry I gave you the virus.

- It's not like
it was intentional.

It wasn't, was it?

(chuckles)

Sorry I thought you
killed George Baker.

- Well, that was the reason
that you found the virus

as quickly as you did,

so, a lot more people
could have died

if you didn't hate me so much.

- I don't hate you.

- Well, whatever you do feel,

I don't think you'll have to
put up with me much longer.

- What do you mean?

- I think it's best
if I just move on.

- Don't leave on my account.

Everyone deserves
a second chance, Richard.

I just got a third.

- Yeah.

- Thank you, Ben,
for everything.

- Thank you, my friend.
You were a rock.

- I must put on a good show!

- I'm told we fared
better than Eastside.

And the early
contact tracing you did

really prevented the spread.

- Well, CDC says it's pretty
well contained in the city now.

- That's good.

Renee's blood work looks good,
so I'm gonna take her home.

- Any chance you'd
want to move here,

so you could be closer to her?

(laughs)
- Did she pay you to ask that?

- No, it's just, we have
an opening in surgery.

- Be well.

- I put you in a tough spot
before, about Amy.

- She's your sister.

- Come on.

- You didn't tell me you were
struggling with your memories.

I came to you,

and I saw something was wrong,

but instead of bringing me in,
you just pushed me away.

A day and a half looking at me

and telling me
everything was fine,

and you were popping pills
to deal with it.

- I know.

- This kind of makes me wonder
what we really are.

- It's, it's what
I do when I'm scared.

- Why are you scared?
It's me, what are you scared of?

- At your dad's funeral,

Allie told me that

you and Rachel would
never shake each other,

that it was only
a matter of time

before you were back together.

- Well, Allie's got a big mouth.
- She's not wrong, is she?

- I don't think this is really
about me and Rachel.

What happened in Chicago, Amy?

- Nothing I would have to hide.

- That's what you've been doing,
you've been hiding.

- Really?

What have you and Rachel
been talking about,

all these days in here?

I saw you, Jake.
I saw you in the hallway.

I saw how you looked at
her through her window.

So, just be honest.

- She's Mia's mother.

- And he is Katie's father.

But it's more than that.

For both of us, even if we
don't want to admit it.

You convinced us that
we could deal with that,

but...

what if we can't?

- Yes. Of course.

Oh, thank you, Max,
I appreciate that.

Okay, bye-bye.

- That sounded almost chummy.

- Yeah, he likes me better
from a distance.

(laughter)

- Sorry I turned on you.

When you didn't agree with me
about the antivirals.

- Well, it feels
like five years ago.

- But it wasn't,
it was five days ago.

And I can't believe
I'm still doing that.

- Doing what?

(sigh)

- There's just this
feeling inside me

whenever someone I count on
disappoints me.

This rage, this betrayal.

And the way I react,
it's-it's out of whack,

and it's wrong.

And I, I can't control it.

If I felt that way

because you gave the wrong
meds to some strangers,

I can't imagine
how I was when Danny died.

I've been trying to figure out
since Chicago,

and I think that the reason
that I didn't say yes

the first time
you proposed was because...

deep down I knew that when

you eventually disappointed me,
I wouldn't be able to handle it.

And I hate
that I'm built that way.

- You withdraw,

but you always come back.

- But I didn't, Michael.

I had a 12 year old daughter
and I did the same thing to her.

We lost a son,

but that can't be
an excuse anymore.

- We can work on this. Together.

- I love you.

And I'm sure that I always will,

but if we got back together now,
I would make the same mistake.

- But that's
what you're doing right now.

Withdrawing to protect yourself.

That's the mistake.

- I'm not, I'm not withdrawing.

I'm not shutting down,
I'm not hiding, Michael.

I need to be of service,

and that, that is something
we can do together,

in your department.

I can't live in
the past anymore.

I need to move forward.

(♪ Die On This Hill
by Sienna Spiro playing)

♪ I'll take my pride

♪ Stand here for you

♪ No I'm not blind

♪ Just seeing it through

♪ You take my life

♪ Just for the thrill

♪ I'll take tonight

♪ And die on this hill

♪ I always will

♪ I know that I look

♪ I just took a page out

♪ To be loved

♪ To be loved and nothing more

♪ And you kept your word

♪ Do you want a medal?

♪ The way that someone
leaves this world ♪

♪ Is all just levels to me now

♪ Oh to me now

♪ But I'll take tonight

♪ I'll die on this hill

♪ I always

♪ Will

(Amy): Okay!

I know we never text
or put anything in writing,

but I am breaking the rule,

just this one time,
because it's your birthday!

But since we can't be

in that great suite,

in the Four Seasons

to celebrate properly,

I am making you
this ridiculous video.

I uh, I don't know what...

this is that we are,

but I, I do know
that you make me smile,

and I haven't smiled
in a very long time.

So, happy birthday, Benjamin.

This video will not
self-destruct after viewing,

so make sure you destroy it,

so it doesn't get into
the wrong hands.

I know I'm bad,

but I'm trying to be good.

Sort of.

(theme music)

Subtitling: difuze