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1
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,139
♪ ♪
2
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:13,361
There you are.
3
00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:14,797
I thought you got taken.
4
00:00:14,971 --> 00:00:17,321
I had this horrible image
of you locked in a shed.
5
00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:20,716
"Mister, please,
I'm just a little lady.
6
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,239
"Unchain me.
I'm late
7
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,720
-for my job at the DMV."
-If that was my focus,
8
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,722
I would let him kill me.
9
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,289
No, Barb, I told you--
10
00:00:28,419 --> 00:00:30,552
I'm taking the morning off
to re-register my car.
11
00:00:30,682 --> 00:00:32,075
That's why you missed
my morning meeting.
12
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,903
-Yeah.
-It was so frustrating.
13
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,253
I tried to warn everybody
about the rash of robberies
14
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,821
in East Hollywood, but as usual,
nobody listens to Barb.
15
00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,475
-AUTOMATED VOICE: G-12
-Ooh, that's me. Yay.
16
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:41,780
-at window number nine.
-Sorry, what?
17
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:43,173
Wasn't listening.
18
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:45,045
Why is no one
taking this seriously?
19
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:47,395
The DMV has strict policies
about how to react to robberies.
20
00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:49,310
And if we don't get on the ball,
we're gonna be nip-deep
21
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:50,398
in cow pie.
22
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:51,790
Relax, Barb.
23
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,531
That's why we got security.
24
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:01,931
We are not prepared
for what's coming.
25
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,629
-Mr. Counter Worker.
-Oh.
26
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,153
Madam Customer.
27
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:07,763
-Yeah.
-Oh.
28
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:10,592
-Oh, a-a 1993 Volvo.
-Mm-hmm.
29
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:12,811
He's got a little rust
around the hood, sure,
30
00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:14,900
but otherwise stunning.
31
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,946
Okay. Uh-oh.
32
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,600
I actually can't register
this vehicle.
33
00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:21,385
-Sure you can.
-No, you're a year overdue
for a smog check.
34
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:22,995
Actually,
I'm three years overdue.
35
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:25,955
But, luckily,
I have an in at the DMV.
36
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:27,826
-Wait, you do?
-It's you. It's you.
37
00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,438
-Oh.
-So just, you know, tappy-tappy,
everybody happy.
38
00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:32,048
I'm so sorry. I can't.
39
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,398
Barb took away
override privileges after Vic
40
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:37,009
tried to change his license
to say "organ boner."
41
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,011
Do you remember
the stickers he made?
42
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,013
So I took the morning off
for nothing?
43
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:43,277
Man, the DMV sucks!
44
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,235
-Never said that from this side.
-Whoa.
45
00:01:45,408 --> 00:01:46,193
Here you go.
46
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:47,846
[exclaims]
I'm fine.
47
00:01:48,499 --> 00:01:50,240
Which way do people
normally storm out?
48
00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:51,414
-They do go that way.
-Great. Thank you.
49
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:52,503
Have a good day.
50
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,549
♪ ♪
51
00:01:57,682 --> 00:02:00,859
Apparently, I need to get
a bunch of expensive repairs
52
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:03,079
before Gary can pass
his smog test.
53
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,429
Oh, that's right.
You're a car namer. Ugh.
54
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:08,606
There's nothing wrong
with naming your transportaish.
55
00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:11,609
I swear, my car runs better
when I call it by name.
56
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,263
-The Buttmobile?
-Yeah.
57
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,047
I also named my arms.
58
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,398
Jean-Claude, Stallone,
59
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:20,227
let's go get
some creatine gummies. [grunts]
60
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:21,663
-Gross.
-GREGG: Do you want me
to take you
61
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:22,838
to Armando later?
62
00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:23,969
He's the best mechanic in town.
63
00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:25,232
-Really?
-Mm-hmm.
64
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,277
Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Gregg.
65
00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:29,845
Oh, it's okay. I'll take
any reason to not be here.
66
00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:31,281
Gary thanks you, too.
67
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:32,978
[Nordic accent]:
"Thank you, Gregg."
68
00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:34,241
Don't do that.
69
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:35,372
-[regular accent]: He's Swedish.
-Mm.
70
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:36,373
Volvo.
71
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,591
♪ ♪
72
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:43,424
Take care. Goodbye.
73
00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:45,861
[deep voice]: Hey. A good boy
puts the money in the bag.
74
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:47,602
S-S-Sorry, what?
75
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,603
A good boy puts the money
in the bag.
76
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:50,822
Now.
77
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,303
Okay. Look, no one needs
to get hurt, all right?
78
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,391
I'm just gonna reach
for the register...
79
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:55,697
[groans]
80
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,089
-[gasping]
-[grunts]
81
00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:00,310
-[yelps]
-Barb?
82
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,486
-[squeaks]
-Why are you robbing the DMV?
83
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,358
[regular voice]: I was testing
our crime readiness.
84
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,838
You could've held, like,
a meeting or something.
85
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:07,839
I did.
86
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,928
But none of you listened.
87
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:11,452
-Oh.
-I think you finally
88
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:13,889
un-deviated my septum.
89
00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:16,152
Smells terrible in here.
90
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,980
-Yeah.
-But you did get the water
91
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,590
out of my ear
from last summer.
92
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:20,939
Hashtag grateful. [chuckles]
93
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:22,289
[groans]
94
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,295
-Ms. Tyler.
-Mm-hmm.
95
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:29,644
Do you park your car
in a place with a lot of rats?
96
00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:31,428
Yes. Los Angeles.
97
00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:32,951
Yeah. Looks like some rodents
have been chewing
98
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,997
at your wiring. Your entire
exhaust system is out.
99
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,738
But he can still pass
his smog test?
100
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:38,000
Totally.
101
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,175
After a-a new exhaust system
102
00:03:39,305 --> 00:03:40,524
and five or six
other things I saw,
103
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,700
you're looking at about...
3,000.
104
00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:44,876
-Dollars?
-Dollars.
105
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:45,877
Are you saying "dollars"?
106
00:03:46,008 --> 00:03:47,749
-I'm trying to.
-Gregg.
107
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:48,966
-Mm-hmm?
-There you are.
108
00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:50,752
Were you working on a car?
109
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:52,101
No. Meatball sub.
110
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:54,103
Armando's mom has
a sandwich shop next door.
111
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,279
It's called "Ar-Mom-do's."
112
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,194
-That's so cute.
-Yeah.
113
00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,152
Did she tell you a bunch of rats
had been chewing at it
114
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,503
and then try to charge you
$3,000 for it?
115
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:03,808
-No.
-No?
116
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,723
Look.
'Scuse us.
117
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,856
-The ESC is toast.
-GREGG: Oh.
118
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,379
The EVAP system.
119
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,989
The oxygen sensor.
120
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,382
GREGG:
You check the spark plugs?
121
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:13,427
Catalytic converter?
122
00:04:13,557 --> 00:04:14,515
Yeah.
123
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,212
-The plugs are shot, too.
-Mm.
124
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,910
The rest is just
a matter of time.
125
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:21,565
-Yep.
-Yep.
126
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,872
Yep, yep, yep, yep,
yep, yep, yep.
127
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:25,700
-What do we got here, fellas?
-Well,
128
00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:28,268
everything in this car
is on life support.
129
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,271
-Mm.
-You'd be better off
buying a new car.
130
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,534
Yeah. If you like,
we have a little used car lot
131
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:34,578
on the other side.
[whistles]
132
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,711
Whoa. N-No. I love Gary.
133
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:37,973
Car namer.
134
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:39,496
Hey, I don't judge.
135
00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,281
My wife dresses our husky
in a turtleneck.
136
00:04:41,455 --> 00:04:43,326
Like neutering him once
wasn't enough.
137
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,589
[weak chuckling]
138
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,808
[sighs]
You're probably wondering
139
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:50,028
-why I'm pea-ing myself.
-CECI: Mm.
140
00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:52,030
We're mostly wondering
why you fake-robbed the DMV.
141
00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:53,423
PAULA:
Yeah, I posted the robbery
142
00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:54,685
to my Citizen app.
143
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,557
And now everybody thinks
I'm paranoid.
144
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:59,386
I couldn't get you guys to take
the crime wave seriously,
145
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,997
and I needed to see
how we respond to a threat.
146
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:03,433
Let's roll the tape.
147
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:05,392
[grunts]
148
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,829
Now, for all Noa knows,
149
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,483
I'm a dangerous
international jewel thief.
150
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,311
-[chuckles]
-[all gasping]
151
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:14,226
Noa!
That was good.
152
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,838
No clapping.
Stop clapping.
153
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,579
Stop it.
154
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:21,451
What Noa did is wrong
in every possible way.
155
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,235
VIC:
Hard agree. Should've hit him
156
00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,150
with the eye gouge-throat punch
combo.
157
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:26,238
Finish her!
158
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:27,327
BARB:
DMV policy is clear.
159
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:28,763
In the event of a robbery,
160
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,374
-we must do nothing.
-NOA: What?
161
00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:33,594
We're supposed
to just let them rob us?
162
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,987
Yes. Does anyone read 10 and--
163
00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:37,511
ow-- 10 and 2?
164
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,556
DMV magazine?
Girl, you know I don't read
165
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,210
government propaganda.
166
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:43,691
Just last month, an armed robber
hit the Venice branch.
167
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,170
Employees fought back,
168
00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:46,476
and he sued for four million.
169
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,956
-Dollars?
-Dollars.
170
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:49,044
Are you saying "dollars"?
171
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,524
I'm trying to.
172
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,090
Listen, we have one week
until the consultants
173
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:53,918
pick which branch gets axed.
174
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,617
So, to defend our branch,
175
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:59,707
we must not defend our branch.
176
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:00,664
Wai-Wai-Wait, hold up.
177
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,362
Go back.
Give me that.
178
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:03,928
-[laughs]: Oh...
-You don't... No.
-What? Oh...
179
00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:05,408
-Is that...
-You don't need to...
180
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:07,541
CECI:
Is that Vic?
181
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,500
No, uh, couldn't be me.
182
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,372
I was in the break room,
slamming chia pud.
183
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,591
CECI:
That face! Aah!
184
00:06:14,722 --> 00:06:17,464
This. This is why I keep
going back to church.
185
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:20,162
You do continue
to show me Your love.
186
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:21,946
[laughs]: Oh, God.
187
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,601
No, no, no, I was running
towards the back exit,
188
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,516
because, usually, when bad guys
come in through the front,
189
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,562
you got to watch that back door,
190
00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:30,694
'cause even worse bad dudes
come in the back door.
191
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:33,131
I am sending this to everyone.
192
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,524
And I don't mean
just the office.
193
00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:37,353
Ooh, there's another angle.
194
00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:40,661
Did I actually have
a good day at work today?
195
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:41,836
Huh.
196
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:44,099
Steve Miller Band?
197
00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:46,710
John Denver? The Eagles.
198
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:50,540
Wow, you have the musical taste
of a 70-year-old white guy.
199
00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:52,499
I can't believe
you took Armando's side.
200
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:53,935
That was so embarrassing.
201
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,110
-His side?
-Mm-hmm.
202
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,068
Colette, there is no argument.
203
00:06:57,155 --> 00:07:00,115
This car is not worth the money
that it would take to fix it.
204
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:03,031
And I don't know why you're so
attached to this hunk of junk.
205
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:05,947
'Cause it has
a lot of memories, okay?
206
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:08,515
You know, I-I drove myself
to prom and back in this thing.
207
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:11,387
I spilled two vats of gravy
in the back seat.
208
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:14,172
Thanksgiving 2014,
Gravy-Fest 2017.
209
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:17,088
Amber and I drove 6,000 miles
out here from Delaware,
210
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:18,307
in this thing.
211
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:20,744
Isn't that only 3,000 miles?
212
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,790
Yeah. We got real lost.
213
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:26,446
The point is, this car--
i-it survives everything.
214
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,448
Armando is not
the first mechanic
215
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,928
to tell me that
it's done for, m'kay?
216
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:33,801
All right, well, everything
survives until it doesn't.
217
00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:35,803
-It's just time.
-Nope. You're wrong.
218
00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:37,544
I'm gonna prove it to you.
I'm gonna get the repairs
219
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,982
that this baby needs
to pass its "smog test."
220
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:43,767
And I'm gonna do it
for far less than $3,000
221
00:07:43,941 --> 00:07:45,900
-because Gary never dies.
-Oh, boy.
222
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:47,336
Oh.
223
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,164
Glue gun's in the glove box.
224
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:51,645
And there's duct tape
under the seat.
225
00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:54,386
You know what?
I am just going to not
226
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,779
-touch anything, okay?
-Fine.
227
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:56,911
-Whoa!
-Oh...
228
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:02,220
-That is new.
-[groans]
229
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,531
-Next.
-Um, hey.
230
00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:10,577
Is it true somebody
robbed this place yesterday?
231
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,535
Yeah, but it turns out
it was just our manager.
232
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,319
This guy giving you troubs?
233
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:16,582
-No.
-I'm watching you, pal.
234
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,498
[snorts]
235
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:19,673
Vic, stop pretending
to be tough, okay?
236
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:21,326
I will never unsee
what I saw on that tape.
237
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,938
That was a fluke. I am tough.
238
00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:25,809
I used to be a bouncer.
239
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,855
Well, you definitely bounced
away from the action yesterday.
240
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,378
It was like in a cartoon,
when they run so fast
241
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,771
that their little feet
can't touch the ground,
242
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,554
like doodley, doodley,
doodley-whoo! [laughs]
243
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,470
Okay. I see I'm gonna
have to prove my toughness.
244
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:35,732
[exclaiming]
245
00:08:35,905 --> 00:08:37,299
Aah! Aah! Oh!
246
00:08:37,385 --> 00:08:39,039
-Ah, Vic. Oh, my God.
-Oh, my kneecap.
247
00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:40,345
God. That's my chair.
248
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:42,260
Ooh, but I'm good.
249
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:44,261
It hurts, and I love it.
250
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,177
Gross. Ooh.
251
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,789
Oof.
Dang.
252
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,094
-[grunts]
-CECI: Ay.
253
00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:51,618
Real tough, Vic.
254
00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:54,229
-Already back.
-Okay. Next, please.
255
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:57,319
-[engine rumbling erratically]
-[metal clattering]
256
00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,800
GREGG:
What the...
257
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,369
What the hell was that
loud noise out there?
258
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,154
Did a helicopter just land?
259
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:09,157
Oh, that's just the sound
of me proving you wrong, Gregg.
260
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:10,680
Wait, that was your car?
261
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,553
Yeah. All fixed.
And for a very reasonable price.
262
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,685
You may have a "car guy,"
263
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:18,732
but I have the... a Internet.
264
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:20,081
Well, from the sound of it,
they took
265
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:22,170
-your catalytic converter.
-What now?
266
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,824
The thing that stops
your car from making
267
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,652
-that loud, horrible noise.
-Yeah, yeah.
268
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:26,870
They said it's temporary.
And now
269
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,437
I'll be able
to pass the smog test.
270
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,482
They lied, Colette.
And, trust me,
271
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:32,484
that car is not safe to drive.
272
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:35,183
Uh, defeat--
not a good color on you.
273
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:37,620
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go buy a fancy coffee
274
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:40,188
with my thousands
of extra dollars.
275
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:41,668
Uh, you want anything,
276
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:44,279
or, uh, too full from eating
your own words?
277
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:45,585
[laughs]
I got him.
278
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:47,195
-Yeah, you got me.
-Yeah, I got you.
279
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:50,459
Just, uh, text me
the order, though. Yeah.
280
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,765
Okay.
281
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,856
[shouts]
Everybody be cool!
282
00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:57,858
This is a robbery!
283
00:09:57,988 --> 00:09:59,729
Citizens of Citizen,
I am in an active robbery.
284
00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,731
-For real this time.
-Hyah!
285
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:02,950
[grunting]
286
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,647
-Stop right there!
-MAN: Oh, no.
287
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,041
-It's that tough guy.
-That's right.
288
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:10,087
Terrified public, do not fear
this human piece of garbage.
289
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:11,872
For I, Vic Tersillo,
290
00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:12,960
-have this...
-[shouting]
291
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,091
[grunting]
292
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:16,398
Barb, what the hell?
293
00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:17,747
I had this under control.
294
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:19,009
BARB:
Oh, geez.
295
00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:20,402
-My instincts kicked in.
-Buddy...
296
00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:22,709
I violated DMV protocol.
297
00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:24,101
I'm sorry, Mr. Robber.
Please don't sue us.
298
00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:26,060
-[gasps]
-Noa?
299
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,844
-Oh, my...
-I'm sorry, Vic.
300
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:29,237
I never saw her coming.
301
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,979
Why are you apologizing
to me, stranger?
302
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:34,546
-Stranger?
-Oh, come on.
Another fake robbery?
303
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:35,722
Citizen has
a three-strike policy.
304
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,332
I can't get kicked off
another app.
305
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,638
NOA:
You said if I do this,
306
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,335
I could join
your paintball league.
307
00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,119
-Not anymore, dummy.
-PAULA: Oh, Vic,
308
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,208
it's my paintball league,
and the waitlist is closed.
309
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:45,775
-I'm confused.
-CECI: Hello?
310
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,342
Vic clearly convinced Noa
to stage another robbery
311
00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:48,778
so he could play hero.
312
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:49,910
[sighs]
This DMV has hit a new low.
313
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:52,782
-And we've had bedbugs twice.
-[gasps]
314
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:59,876
[sighs] The thing you like
is called a cortado.
315
00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:01,356
That's it.
316
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:03,663
Uh, Gregg, can you please
come pick me up?
317
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:04,620
'Cause my...
[clears throat]
318
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,578
-...car died.
-[sighs] Yeah.
319
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:07,884
-Where are you?
-[horn honks]
320
00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:09,320
Hold on.
321
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:12,672
Back up, park and walk inside.
322
00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:14,586
Your car broke down
in a drive-through?
323
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:15,849
-[horns honking]
-Oh, oh!
324
00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:17,589
My car can honk, too, you know.
325
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,113
-[warbling honk]
-[whimpers]
326
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:21,115
Come on, Gary, say something.
327
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:22,725
-[Barb shouts over video]
-Oh! No, no, no.
328
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:24,161
Okay, okay, one more time, Barb.
329
00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:25,728
Play it one more time,
please, please.
330
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,556
-[shouts]
-Boom! That elbow.
331
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,385
Barb, do you have, like, an ex
that you want to get back with?
332
00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:33,344
Because you should
send this to them.
333
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:35,564
Honestly? Would smash.
334
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,652
[hoarse]:
Please don't say "smash."
335
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,698
My gal-dang vicious instincts
336
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:40,525
put the branch at risk.
337
00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:42,919
Well, here's my manhood.
338
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:46,357
CECI:
Body oil and protein powder.
What's this--
339
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,229
you're going to a swap meet
at Muscle Beach?
340
00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:49,970
Those are once a month,
and you have to be on a list.
341
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:52,189
-Ugh.
-I'm not the office
tough guy anymore,
342
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,625
so I don't need this stuff.
343
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,150
It's like I don't know
who I am anymore.
344
00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:58,805
Maybe I should buy a cardigan
and be one of those guys
345
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:00,937
that says,
"Hey, no worries if not."
346
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:03,635
"H-Hey, Dwayne,
want to hang out?
347
00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:06,377
-No? No worries if not."
-Well,
348
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:08,728
-that's gross.
-Yeah.
349
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:11,382
There's just no reason
to have all these at work.
350
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:13,080
No, no, I'm talking about Vic.
351
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:16,039
I mean, I wanted him
to own being a wuss and all,
352
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:17,432
but I didn't want him
to lose his entire essence.
353
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,000
That's just, like, creepy.
354
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:22,480
This has got to be
the smallest ThighMaster
355
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,439
I have ever worked with.
356
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:25,701
Ah-- look at this.
357
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,181
-CECI: Barb, that's not a...
-Yeah.
358
00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:29,313
I can really feel it
in my gloins.
359
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:30,924
Can you not do that
in my chair, please?
360
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:33,274
It's like a hummingbird's
wishbone being crushed
361
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:35,319
by two redwoods.
362
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:37,365
-[strains]
-CECI: Please, please, please.
363
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,323
-No!
-Aah!
364
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:43,850
Hey, Colette.
365
00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:45,329
Sorry I'm late.
I got on the wrong bus.
366
00:12:45,415 --> 00:12:47,244
Although if I was trying
to go to the airport,
367
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:48,724
I got on the right bus.
368
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,465
-Mm.
-Thanks again for helping me
369
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:51,683
get Gary towed yesterday.
370
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:54,034
Uh, don't thank me yet.
371
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:55,122
Come on, I want to show you
something very cool
372
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:56,645
out the window.
373
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,603
[gasps]
Is the flasher back?
374
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:00,127
-[chuckles]
-I love her.
375
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:01,911
No.
376
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:02,999
You see that car
with the bow on it?
377
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,348
-Mm-hmm.
-The blue car?
378
00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:05,610
It's a regular bow.
379
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:08,439
They don't sell car bows at CVS.
380
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,528
I'm watching. Is it gonna
blow up or something?
381
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:13,053
It's your new car!
[chuckles]
382
00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:15,098
-Mm-hmm.
-I'm thinking you call it Gregg.
383
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,057
I don't understand.
I have a car.
384
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:18,798
No, you have a piece of metal
385
00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:20,974
that's, like, unsafe to drive.
386
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:23,846
So, yesterday,
I made a deal with Armando.
387
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:27,284
I gave him your Volvo for parts,
and a transmission that I had
388
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:30,635
in exchange
for one of his used cars.
389
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:32,420
How could you do this?
390
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:34,074
I didn't ask for this.
391
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,727
Do you know how crazy that is?
392
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:38,382
Yeah, I do, because when
I was doing it, I thought,
393
00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:40,863
"This is crazy, it seems like
something Colette would do."
394
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:42,952
I can't believe this.
395
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,172
GREGG:
Where you going?
396
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:47,435
Uh, to return your "gift,"
397
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,915
and get my car back.
398
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,573
And if I were a key?
399
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,619
-On your desk.
-Thank you.
400
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:09,979
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Now serving A37.
401
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,288
BARB:
What in the Gilligan?
402
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:16,594
May I help you?
403
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,293
-Oh!
-Oh. It's me, Barb.
404
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:20,729
Well, the new me.
405
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,383
If I can't be
the office tough guy,
406
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:25,342
I figured maybe I could be
our jam band guy?
407
00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:27,388
Phish is still a thing,
408
00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:30,652
Mayer's touring with the Dead,
Goose is the new Twiddle.
409
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:32,697
-What?
-Yeah, I don't really get it.
410
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:34,961
I don't know
any of that stuff, either.
411
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:36,963
And truthfully,
I'm worried how me
412
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:39,790
and all these friggin' burnouts
are gonna make conversaish.
413
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:42,707
Jam Band Vic
doesn't do abbreviaish.
414
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,753
Damn it.
This is gonna be tough.
415
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,537
You know, you don't have
to change who you are
416
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:49,279
just because your gut instinct
was "run away this one time."
417
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:51,455
But it wasn't just
this one time.
418
00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:56,199
When I was a kid,
I was a shrimp.
419
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,245
Everyone at the foster house
would get into fights,
420
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:01,117
and the only way I could survive
would be to run away.
421
00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:03,903
I got muscles
as soon as I could, but...
422
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:05,426
maybe that's
just on the outside.
423
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,994
Honey, what I did
was embarrassing.
424
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,734
I would have loved to react
the way you did.
425
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,562
Instead, Papa Barb's
426
00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:13,782
instincts cut in and...
427
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,610
What you did--
that was something stronger.
428
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:18,265
Say more. Go on record.
429
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,963
Mention specific muscle groups,
if-if you can.
430
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:23,923
You followed DMV protocol
and you showed restraint.
431
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,925
I almost decapitated Noa.
432
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,797
Unfortunately,
I would do it again.
433
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,538
God, I want to do it again.
434
00:15:30,712 --> 00:15:31,756
Restraint.
435
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,367
I never thought of it like that.
436
00:15:33,540 --> 00:15:35,543
Except for, in the moment,
437
00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:37,501
when I was doing it on purpose,
438
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,460
as an active choice.
439
00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,244
Exactly.
440
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,246
You might have been
a little guy growing up,
441
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,814
but you're teaching me
how to be a big guy...
442
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,207
[clicks tongue]
...up here.
443
00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:49,818
Thanks, Barb.
444
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,168
You know, as a leader, you don't
get enough appreciation.
445
00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:54,997
[chuckles] I know you wanted
to say "appreciaish."
446
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:58,000
Actually, it's just "preesh."
447
00:15:58,131 --> 00:16:00,742
Oh, man.
Feels good to be back.
448
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:01,961
-[laughs]
-Ah, ah.
449
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,527
You remember the seminar.
450
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:04,964
Yes.
451
00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:10,012
Hey.
452
00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:12,406
I was too late.
453
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:15,670
He already took Gary apart.
454
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,022
Look, I'm sorry
for overstepping.
455
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:23,199
I realize you had a lot
of memories in this car.
456
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:26,028
This car was my dad's.
457
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:29,553
He gave it to me the year
I graduated high school,
458
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,252
and it's... it is the last thing
I had of him.
459
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,341
Hmm.
460
00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:37,605
When he passed,
it had-it had been years
461
00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:40,173
since I'd been home.
462
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:41,826
You know, travel's so expensive.
463
00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:45,352
I kept saying "next year,
next year," and then...
464
00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:49,182
...there was no next year.
465
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:54,796
I don't even know
what to say, Colette.
466
00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,493
When I was a kid,
he used to take me
467
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:57,842
on these
468
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,497
long Sunday drives and...
469
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:03,718
would listen to John Denver
and he'd bore me with trivia
470
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:06,112
about West Virginia.
471
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,505
Did you know it has,
uh, more towns
472
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,855
named after foreign cities
than any other state?
473
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:12,727
-[tongue clicks]
-No, I didn't,
474
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:15,598
but then my cousin moved
to Beijing, West Virginia.
475
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,651
I know the car had to go,
I just, uh...
476
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:28,134
I wish I had been able
to say goodbye.
477
00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,400
Well, I didn't know any of that.
478
00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:35,619
[sniffles]
479
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,969
But I do know this.
480
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,841
What?
481
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:42,278
This is a Subaru.
482
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:47,849
Gary!
483
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,417
[whistling a tune]
484
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,941
Help. Help.
A man just stole my purse.
485
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,899
-Where?
-Uh-uh-uh, no.
486
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,206
What? Please. He's right there.
487
00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:59,034
You can still catch him.
488
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,645
I can, and I won't.
489
00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:04,257
[stammers]
Somebody call the police?
490
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:05,649
Mama, I saw the purse.
491
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:06,824
He's doing you a favor.
492
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:08,826
Why won't anyone help me?
493
00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:11,916
Because, ma'am, this is the DMV.
494
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:15,746
Helping people
is not what we do here.
495
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:18,706
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Now serving P19
496
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:22,449
at window number ten.
497
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:26,975
BARB:
My boy.
498
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,763
Okay, I get it now.
499
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:33,895
Are you sure you don't want
500
00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:35,244
-to sit on this side?
-No.
501
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:38,160
Shotgun's where
I have my best memories.
502
00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:41,381
Look, look, look.
503
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,558
Dad used to let me
put my stickers on here.
504
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,690
It's kind of disturbing
how little they've disintegrated
505
00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:49,171
throughout the years.
506
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:51,217
I ate some of these.
What do you think that means?
507
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,783
I think it means
the memory of your dad
508
00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:54,133
will always be with you.
509
00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:56,091
Hmm.
510
00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:58,876
-Oh.
-Oh.
511
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:01,444
Maybe you could help me
install this in my new car?
512
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:02,706
Sure.
513
00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:04,317
It'll be $3,000.
514
00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:10,932
Would you pop this
in the Discman
515
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,455
connected to the cassette tape
516
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,457
connected to
the cigarette lighter for me?
517
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,329
Yeah. Sure.
518
00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:24,293
["Take Me Home, Country Roads"
by John Denver playing]
519
00:19:25,425 --> 00:19:27,340
[music skipping]
520
00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:28,602
Hold on.
521
00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:30,604
♪ ...most he...♪
522
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,780
♪ Blue Ridge Mountains♪
523
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:36,827
♪ Shenandoah River♪
524
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:39,613
♪ Life is old there♪
525
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,833
♪ Older than the trees♪
526
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:46,054
-♪ Younger than the mountains♪
-Bye.
527
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,925
♪ Growing like a breeze♪
528
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:50,406
♪ Country roads♪
529
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:53,801
♪ Take me home♪
530
00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:56,847
♪ To the place♪
531
00:19:56,978 --> 00:19:59,676
♪ I belong♪
532
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:02,026
♪ West Virgina♪
533
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,682
♪ Mountain mama♪
534
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:08,424
♪ Take me home♪
535
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:11,993
♪ Country roads.♪
536
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:19,435
-BARB [strains]: 10 and 2.
-Barb?
537
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:21,220
-BARB: 10 and 2. 10 and 2.
-Is everything okay?
538
00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:24,658
BARB:
10, 10 and 2.
539
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:27,400
"East Hollywood successfully
540
00:20:27,487 --> 00:20:29,619
-allows robbery,
avoids lawsuit."
-[mouths]
541
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:32,274
-Hey, all right.
-Friggin' made 10 and 2.
542
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:33,580
We got a "Honk Out."
Page 14.
543
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,669
Robbery?
What the hell did we miss?
544
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,932
-Now you read it
out loud, Greggory.
-No.
545
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,499
Read it out loud for us,
Colette.
546
00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:41,370
Uh, the one line?
Vic already did.
547
00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:43,285
Yep.
"East Hollywood
548
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,374
"successfully allows robbery,
549
00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:47,507
-avoids lawsuit." Mm.
-GREGG: Mm.
550
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,509
Chills. Ah!
551
00:20:49,683 --> 00:20:51,467
[whoops, laughs]
552
00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:53,643
Oh. Seminar. Hmm.
553
00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:55,254
Restraint.
554
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,821
East Hollywood's in print!
[whoops]
555
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:05,002
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
556
00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:08,049
and TOYOTA.
557
00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:11,400
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
39758
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