Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined, totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

Nothin' like sunshine to get a little color on your face, eh, Milo?

[sighs]

- [squeaking] - [whimpers]

You know what would hit the spot?

A nice frozen confection!

Excellent.

Thanks to my neuro-suckulator,

I now possess the means to conquer Edge City.

What do you know? It's the Bad Humor Man himself!

Got any Italian Ices in here, soda jerk?

The Mask!

I'll ice you!

[chuckling]

Hoo-yah!

Why didn't you just say you weren't the ice cream man?

Milo! Play ball!

[growls]

Home plate, you bum! Home plate!

[grunts]

He's out!

Milo! We need a medic over here!

Blink twice if you can hear me, boy.

[barks]

I said, "Blink twice," soldier. Not "swap spit!"

You call that a ray-gun, Pretorius? [Laughs]

Didn't even singe the dog.

[gasps]

The contents of my neuro-suckulator

have been downloaded into an unintended host!

Mental note... Get that dog.

[yawning] What a day.

Night, Milo.

[Milo sighs]

[chuckles sleepily]

[snoring]

[whimpers]

[chuckles]

Milo! Milo's gone!

What if he ran away? Or was dog-napped?

Sold for laboratory experiments...

What do I do?

Where do I look?

[panting] I've got to find him!

That's right!

Celebrating the centennial of the birth of Limbo,

the Coco Bongo proudly present,

Limbo-Lympics!

The party starts now, and goes all night long!

La, la, la! I can't hear you!

[yelling] It's no use.

It's seared into my brain.

Wear the mask, get Limbo fever,

and risk not finding Milo!

[man on TV] Hey you! Missing a pet?

Hurts, doesn't it?

Like having your kneecaps broken by creditors!

This TV ad was expensive, so help us both out and hire me,

the world's best and only pet detective.

[tires screeching]

[gibbering]

Ace Ventura?

I'm his assistant.

Mr. Ventura will be with you as soon as he finishes

scouting your foyer for clues.

Can I offer you something while you wait?

A beverage, perhaps?

Ah, no thank you.

[gibbering]

Spike needs to use the facilities.

It's a long ride from Miami,

during which, we enjoyed a variety of high fiber snacks.

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

All righty, then.

The Jack Russell Terrier fur I found on your doorstep is over 24 hours old.

I... see. So?

So? That means your beloved Milo left or was absconded off with

via the only other means in your apartment...

- The window. - The window?

That's a three-story drop.

That's absurd.

I don't tell you how to comb your hair,

don't tell me how to do my job!

Two words: styling gel.

Now, do you know anyone with a motive to wish Milo harm?

No. Not that I can think of... My nose!

Ipkiss!

I heard your mangy mutt was gone.

Good timing. I'm starting a no pets policy.

I think we have our first suspect.

[toilet flushes]

[humming]

[shouting]

Say hello to Mr. Stinky!

[Mrs. Peenman yelling]

Let me out! Let me out!

Do not go in there without an oxygen tank.

[gagging, spraying]

What do you know about the dog, you cut rate chicken hands?

What do you know?

[Mrs. Peenman] Nothing! I swear, nothing!

Let me out!

What'd I get myself into?

I don't know who's crazier. This guy or the Mask?

- [yelps] - [gibbering]

[Stanley] No!

[panting]

Mr. Stinky would've cracked her.

She's clean.

The closet!

Always a good source for clues.

No! I mean, it's... full of dirty socks.

You do not want to go in there. [Chuckling]

- Please. - [laughing] Fair enough.

Come on, Spike. Let's find us a Jack Russell Terrier.

I'll come with you.

I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that.

Insurance regulations prohibit non-professionals

from entering the work area.

Ipkiss is hiding something. Something inside that closet!

Could be an inside job, Spike... Spike? Spike!

Oh, man. This Ace character's kind of... unwell.

Milo's safety may depend on the Mask after all.

[rumbling]

Smokin'!

Ah... Ipkiss has a partner in crime.

Hm. No sign of the pet dick.

Oh, well. Can't say I didn't try.

It's Limbo time!

[Ace] Hold it right there, fancy pants!

- Hm? - I'm taking you down

for the abduction of one Milo the dog.

Oh yeah? Try it.

I will!

After a brief pause,

for a fresh change of shorts.

[guns cocking]

Put the military industrial complex down.

We don't want anyone to get hurt. [Grunts]

[shouts]

I can do anything.

I am the Wedginator.

Wedgie!

You messed up the do.

And nobody messes with the do!

A little more off the top?

Gee, let me think.

Either, A, I'm losing my mind.

Or, B, you possess super human powers

dictated by the laws of cartoon physics.

You're one smart cookie, Cubby.

Confess!

What's your motive? Where's the dog?

- [birds chirping] - Hey!

A little loyalty, feathered friends. I'm a pet detective!

Come on, come on. A clue, anything that might lead me to Milo.

- [alarm ringing] - Rise and shine!

[yelling]

[Ace yelling]

Limbo-Lympics?

Ole. A man after my own heart.

[all groaning]

My spine... Ladies and gentlemen,

we having a new world record!

[all cheering, clapping]

Not so fast... That's my medal.

Yeah? Earn it, chump.

[cheering]

A new champion!

We know how low you can go...

How high can you fly?

[all] Ooh...

You know, I do love a challenge.

- [yelling] - Yahoo's a who?

[continues yelling]

[screams]

Whoa. The bugs get bigger every summer.

Doyle! That's the Mask!

Excellent follow through, boys.

Take him downtown and book him.

- Why, who are you... - Shh.

[man on radio] All points bulletin! Now, listen up.

Breaking and entering in progress at the MacGuffin Space Center.

One of the perpetrators has been identified as a D-O-G...

- [yelps] - I repeat, a dog.

What kind of dog is it?

That's police property you're breathing all over.

And I highly recommend disinfecting it before using it again.

That's Gin!

Sorry, officers, but that could be our dog.

Which means this man is innocent of the crime I accused him of.

Unless he's capable of being in two places at once, which I doubt.

I'm sorry, did you say something?

I'm taking him downtown and booking him,

and you're going with him.

I'm sorry, but a certain dog's safety dictates...

that I just can't let you do that!

Take care now! Bye-bye, then.

Somebody stop us! [cackles]

[struggling]

[screams]

That's impossible. Only one person in the world knows those security codes.

Hey, what's with the dog?

The final access code, my canine partner in crime.

[whistles] Pretorius, I'm calling you out.

Gee, I never thought the suspect would be a robot.

Never mind that, deputy.

When he draws, grab the pooch.

Ahh!

[screams]

Dang, messed up the do.

Come on, boy.

[barks]

The dog has served its purpose.

Thanks to you, Mask,

I now have what I came for.

Yes, yes! We got the dog!

Then my work here is done.

I'm a space age bachelor with parties to attend, and people to wedgie.

Ooh-boo-du-boo, little fella.

Ready to go home to Stanley?

My good man, I can't say I know a Stanley.

And what exactly do you mean by "Ooh-boo-du-boo?"

- [gasps] - [both scream]

[screams] The horror!

[screams] The humanity!

- Then again, talking dog. - [cash register opening]

[clears throat] Perhaps I can clarify matters.

My name is Professor Quartermass,

I'm an astronomer at the MacGuffin Space Center.

Somehow, I've come to possess the body of this dog.

Well, I'll be the dot on my head.

I'm receiving a message from beyond:

"If his brain is in Milo's body..." You think?

Milo's brain is in Professor Quartermass's body?

Pretorius performed a brain switch!

Words I thought I'd never speak.

I have two very important questions.

Where were you when you suddenly became like a dog?

Actually, I was on my lunch break enjoying the sunshine in Landfill Park.

Landfill Park, of course.

That's where we'll find Professor Quartermass,

and Milo's brain.

I'm sorry, you had a second question?

Right. As a talking dog, perhaps you can enlighten me.

The butt sniffing thing. What's that about?

So, Pretorius obviously owns a brain sucking machine

that zapped the Professor's brainwaves,

which Pretorius accidentally zapped into Milo,

thus giving Pretorius a motive for the dog-napping.

And you were here in Landfill Park to see it all happen!

Do you have to keep talking about brains?

I mean, it's kind of gross.

And Pretorius forced you to reveal the access code to the space center.

So he could steal the greatest find of the century.

- That's right! - Milo!

[whimpering, panting]

[laughing] Milo!

Oh, that's rather hard on the eyes.

Yuck!

[chuckling] You know, he really... reminds me of me.

OK, we've got the dog, we've got the dog's brain,

now we just need the brain sucking machine to switch them both back.

So, where do we find Pretorius?

I'm sorry, I can't help you there.

During the walk from his hideout to the space center,

I was unfortunately focused on one thing.

Please tell.

[clears throat] A bone.

Pretorius... bribed me with the bone.

Well, you walked. Did nature call?

[sighs]

Seven or eight times all told.

It would seem dogs have rather weak bladders.

Professor Quartermass, you left a trail.

Now lead the way.

The abandoned power station!

[both yelling]

[panting] About time! My dogs are barkin'.

[barking]

By the way, in case we don't make it out alive,

I just want you to know one thing...

- Figured it out. - Figured what out?

- [barking] - [yelps]

Animals don't lie and Milo's actions,

as represented by Professor Quartermass,

clearly indicate what can only be the intimate bond between pet and owner.

That, being one Stanley Ipkiss.

Which means he and you must be one and the same!

Besides, my monkey's got photos.

- Cheater. - [barks]

- [barks] - Shh.

[Pretorius] You are too late to stop me, Mask.

For, you see, with the help of Professor Quartermass's brain,

I stole the satellite probe fresh from its mission to Mars.

Within it, a highly valuable specimen:

A fossil containing the DNA

of a prehistoric Martian life form.

Or, should I say, used to contain?

For mere moments ago, I reanimated the DNA

to bring you ancient Martian man.

Talking dogs, maybe.

Life on Mars? I don't think so.

[growling]

- [both scream] - Destroy them!

[growling]

- That's the brain sucker? - Yep.

Take care then. Bye-bye now.

[grunting]

[grunting]

I will pin you like...

an easily pinned thing.

- [groans] - [growls]

But first...

some immediate medical attention!

OK... All righty, say "headcheese."

'Cause you're about to have your brain switched!

[yelling]

You are not champion Limbo material.

Oh, I really hurt him! Ah!

[Pretorius] I say... [Martian growling]

- [Professor] Mental note... - [Ace] All righty then.

- [gibbering] - [Pretorius] I say...

[grunts]

[Mask] Waiter... [Martian growling]

[Spike laughs]

[Martian growls]

[Mask] Smokin'!

Round and round she goes,

where she stops... [growls]

[grunts]

- [Professor] Good show... - [panting]

- I say... - Mental note...

[indistinct chatter]

[growling]

- [gibbering] - [growling]

Fighting dirty... Capital idea.

Allow me to locate the brute's center of gravity.

[grunts]

This could be scary... like a glove.

I've got my brain! I've got my brain!

[barking, pants]

Good show.

Peter Piper picked a pot of pickled peppers.

- Oh, yeah! - This is very bad indeed.

Losers!

[Pretorius] Stop! Help me get out of here!

Oh, no! Help!

With your permission, I'll send our Martian back to Mars where he belongs.

Mind and body!

Hey, listen, thanks for everything, Ace, really.

But, there's just one tiny little thing.

[chuckles] I'm gonna need those photos.

[gibbers]

[sighs, chuckles]

This is one secret I'd like to keep a secret.

No sweat, my dual natured compadre.

Take care then. Bye-bye now.

[chuckles] See you.

[sighs]

My mask!

Spike, where we're going,

they don't have masks.

Wait! Come back!

[sobbing]