Original subtitles

♪ I GOTCHA WITH MY WINNING SMILE ♪

♪ I'M A LIVING LESSON IN FLAIR AND STYLE ♪

♪ JUST CAN'T HELP BUT STARE AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE ♪

♪ I'M NOUVEAU DECO, ROMAN-GRECO ♪

♪ ROCOCO BARROCO ♪

♪ BE-BOP HIP-HIP FLIP FLOP ♪

♪ SOMEBODY STOP ME ♪

♪ PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES LIKE MINE ♪

♪ DON'T COME A DIME A DOZEN ♪

♪ I STAND OUT OF THE CROWD ♪

♪ BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME ♪

♪ YEAH, THEY BROKE THE MOLD ♪

♪ WHOLESALE AND KIND, STAID AND REFINED ♪

♪ TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND ♪

♪ ARCH VILLAINS AND NEVER DO WELLS ♪

♪ HAD BETTER LEARN TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS ♪

♪ GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING IF THEY ASK, SEE ♪

♪ WELL THERE'S ONE LAST THING I GOT TO SING ABOUT ♪

♪ OPEN UP WIDE AND REALLY SHOUT ♪

♪ OH, LOOK OUT ♪

♪ THIS IS THE MASK ♪♪

SMOKIN'!

♪

YOU SEE? I WAS RIGHT!

NO MATTER WHAT SIDE YOU PUT THE PEANUT BUTTER ON,

IT ALWAYS LANDS FACE DOWN.

♪

NOW, WHO'LL GO DOUBLE OR NOTHING

THAT THIS JUNK WILL STICK TO THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH?

ARE YOU MAD? THAT PIANO WAS PRICELESS!

IT ONCE BELONG TO LIBERACE!

ACTUALLY, IT BELONGED TO MY BROTHER, GEORGE.

BOTTOMS UP!

♪

DOES IT TO ME EVERY TIME.

SIR, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU WERE INVITED TO THIS PARTY.

THIS IS A PRIVATE FUNCTION.

NO ALFRED, THIS IS A PRIVATE FUNCTION.

♪

THIS IS A SNORE!

WELL, FOLKS, I HATE TO EAT AND RUN,

BUT I GOT A PLANE TO CATCH.

♪

TA TA!

GIVE MY LOVE TO THE HAMPTONS, WON'T YOU?

UH-OH, I'VE JUST BECOME SEPARATED.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

I'M ABOUT TO BECOME PAVEMENT PATTIE!

SLAM CHOWDER! CONCRETE MEAT!

ROAD KILL!

OH, YOU GET THE IDEA.

♪

THIS JOKER IS GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS.

FEELING A LITTLE FLAT TODAY, FRIENDS?

HAS LIFE IN THE FAST LANE GOT YOU LOOKING RUN DOWN?

IT'S LIKE HE KNOWS ME.

THEN REJUV-A-LOTION WAS MADE FOR YOU.

GUARANTEED TO SMOOTH AWAY THOSE AGE LINES,

CROWS FEET, AND BAGGY EYES, BEFORE THEY SET IN.

AGE LINES? CROWS FEET!

BAGGY EYES?

AND YOU CAN ONLY GET IT HERE,

TONIGHT ON AMAZING UNCOVERIES!

CONVENIENT HOW THIS PRODUCT IS AVAILABLE NOW

WHEN I NEED IT MOST.

BUT WHO AM I TO QUESTION THE WISDOM

OF THIS SORRY PLOT DEVICE.

SMILING GUY GENIAL HERE,

REMINDING YOU THAT WITH NEW REJUV-A-LOTION,

YOU'LL NOT ONLY LOOK YOUNGER, BUT FEEL YOUNGER TOO.

♪

REJUV-A-LOTION. MUST HAVE REJUV-A-LOTION.

♪

I SEE YOU'VE CORRECTLY CHOSEN BRAND A.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SLAP SOME MORE ON.

IF YOU SAY SO, MORON.

LOOK AT MY FACE.

NOTHING'S HAPPENING!

I'M JUST AS OLD AND WRINKLED AS EVER!

OH, NO. I BEG TO DIFFER.

GOSH, YOU LOOK YEARS YOUNGER.

DOESN'T HE LOOK YOUNGER, FOLKS?

WELL? ANSWER HIM!

♪

I DON'T LOOK YOUNGER, YOU. I JUST LOOK CRAZIER!

I CAN MAKE A BETTER REJUV-A-LOTION MYSELF!

AND WITH THAT, HE DID.

♪

HOLD ON TO YOUR BUNS AND BURNERS, KIDS.

MASK FACTOR IS IN THE HOUSE!

♪

SMOKIN'.

AND WE'RE BACK!

NOW, HOLD ON TO YOUR CHECKBOOK, FOLKS, BECAUSE IN A MOMENT,

YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE HOW A REAL REJUVENATION CREAM WORKS.

JUST APPLY IT LIBERALLY TO THE AFFLICTED AREA...

♪

THEN GO FROM GEEZER TO GAL PLEASER!

SMOKIN'!

♪

OH, BOY.

I SLEPT LIKE A BABY LAST NIGHT.

I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.

HOW ABOUT YOU, BOY?

COME ON, MILO. RISE AND SHINE.

♪

CRAZY DOG.

HE MUST STILL BE DREAMING.

♪

ON SECOND THOUGHT,

MAYBE I'M THE ONE WHO'S DREAMING.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FACE?

MY YOUTHFUL, PEACHES AND CREAM FACE.

BUT HOW?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, MAN, WHAT'S THE MASK DONE TO ME THIS TIME?

REJUV-A-LOTION FOR A YOUNGER LOOKING YOU.

WELL, IT'S A YOUTH CREAM.

THE MASK'S YOUTH CREAM,

AND IT'S MADE ME LOOK TEENAGER AGAIN.

YA-HOO!

♪

COOL!

♪

RADICAL!

HELLO, CHARLIE.

STAN.

I WON'T BE COMING IN TODAY.

YOU SEE, I'M FEELING KIND OF PUNK.

YOUNG PUNK, THAT IS!

YEE-HAW!

HEY!

NEXT TIME, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, JUNIOR.

YEAH, I WILL, PEGGY.

I MEAN, MS. BRANDT.

MA'AM.

STANLEY? IS THAT YOU?

WHAT HAPPENED?

THIS HAPPENED. REJUV-A-LOTION.

THE MASK COOKED IT UP. IT MADE ME YOUNG AGAIN.

ISN'T IT THE COOLEST?

YEAH, BUT, IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER,

I'D SWEAR YOU WERE GETTING YOUNGER BY THE MINUTE.

RULLY?

RULLY. LOOK!

I AM GETTING YOUNGER!

WHAT IF IT WON'T STOP?

BUT IT HAS TO.

AT THIS RATE, YOU'LL BE A KID IN NO TIME,

THEN A BABY, THEN GONE.

GONE?

AS IN GONER?

♪

THERE I GO AGAIN.

OH, PEGGY, MAKE IT STOP!

WILL YOU STOP WHINING AND GROW UP!

OH, SURE. RUB IT IN, WHY DON'T YOU?

LOOK, WE CAN'T PANIC.

WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO STOP THIS,

THIS REGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR OF YOURS,

BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

MAYBE THIS IS SOMETHING.

EDGE CITY RESEARCH LABS.

LET ME SEE THAT.

WELL THAT MUST BE WHERE THE MASK WHIPPED UP THIS STUFF.

AND IF THE MASK WAS ABLE TO WHIP IT UP,

WELL, THEN, MAYBE HE CAN UNWHIP IT UP.

YOU KNOW, MAKE AN ANECDOTE.

THAT'S YOUR PLAN?

HEY, I'M ONLY A KID. CUT ME SOME SLACK.

I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TODAY, OKAY?

INCLUDING PUBERTY.

STANLEY, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

YOU HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME LEFT.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT THE MASK IS MY ONLY HOPE,

AND I'M COUNTING ON YOU TOO, PEGGY.

YOU GOT TO KEEP HIM FOCUSED,

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE MASK GETS, LIKE, DISTRACTED AND STUFF.

OKAY, OKAY. JUST DO IT.

OKAY. HERE GOES NOTHING.

ALL RIGHT!

THIS TEEN IS LEAN AND MEAN, MAN!

IT'S TIME TO PARTY! TIME TO KICK SOME GAME!

TIME TO ROCK ON!

NOT SO FAST, YOUNG MAN. YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

MOM!

NOW DON'T YOU MOM ME.

YOU'VE GOT TO COME UP WITH AN ANTIDOTE

FOR THIS CREAM, OR ELSE.

AN OLDIE, BUT A GOODY.

HOLD STILL.

THIS ONE'S FOR THE YEARBOOK.

MASK, PLEASE, GET ME OUT OF HERE!

THIS IS NO TIME TO FOOL AROUND!

TOO BAD, SO SAD, I'M BAD!

OKAY, I'M OUT OF HERE!

FREE YA LATER!

AH, YOUTH.

TO EXPERIENCE ALL THE PLEASURES OF LIFE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

HEARTTHROB.

♪

FIRST LOVE IS WONDERFUL, N'EST-CE PAS?

YEAH, LIKE, I GUESS SO.

AND SINCE THIS OUR FIRST DATE, TIFFANY,

I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST, A FRENCH TOAST, OF COURSE.

EXCUSE ME, BUT YOU'RE ALL STICKY AND COVERED IN BUTTER.

OUI.

AM I NOT THE SWEETEST MAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN?

ENOUGH! I CAN RESIST IT NO LONGER!

NOW IS THE TIME FOR OUR FIRST KISS.

EW! KISS THIS, CREEP.

COOL, OUR FIRST FIGHT.

MY FIRST ZIT!

NO WONDER SHE SPLIT.

BUT WHO CARES ABOUT SOME STUPID GIRL, ANYWAY.

BECAUSE THEY ALL GOT COOTIES.

THERE YOU ARE.

COME ON, WE GOT TO...

WHAT HAPPENED? YOU'RE JUST A KID!

OH YEAH? AND YOU'RE UGLY.

HEY, SWINGS.

LET'S PLAY!

NO, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

OH, PLEASE!

I PROMISE I'll BE GOOD.

YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT, YOU LITTLE LIAR?

WHAT'S THAT? DID SOMEONE SAY HIGHER?

NO!

♪

UH-OH, MASK GOTTA GO.

THIS IS HAPPENING TOO FAST.

GET BACK HERE!

YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, MISTER.

YOU DIDN'T.

WHEN MASK GOTTA GO, MASK GOTTA GO.

THAT DOES IT.

YOU ARE COMING WITH ME TO THE LAB, RIGHT NOW!

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE LAB!

I WANT TO PWAY!

YOU CAN "PWAY" AFTER YOU INVENT AN ANTIDOTE.

COME ON!

EXCUSE ME, WHICH WAY IS THE RESEARCH LAB?

DOWN THAT WAY. IT'S IN THE WEST WING.

WELL, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO THE RESEARCH WAB, MOMMY?

BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY.

AND STOP CALLING ME MOMMY.

SHE HURT MY ARM!

MA'AM! I MUST TAKE ISSUE

WITH THE WAY YOU'RE TREATING YOUR CHILD.

WHO, HIM?

BELIEVE ME, HE'S NOT MY KID.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

NEW MOTHERS OFTEN GO THROUGH A PERIOD OF DENIAL.

YEE-HAW!

LOOK AT ME, MOMMY!

LOOK AT ME!

HE MUST BE DELIRIOUS WITH FEVER.

COLD AND FLU SEASON, YOU KNOW.

HEY, DOC, THERE'S NO PAIN.

MY BACK! IT'S CURED!

I'M CURED, I TELL YA.

I'M CURED! YA-HOO!

WELL, HOW NICE FOR HIM.

YES. UNFORTUNATELY,

THAT MAN WAS HERE TO HAVE HIS APPENDIX REMOVED.

NURSE, GO GET HIM.

I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD, MOMMY.

LOOK AT THAT CHILD'S COLORING.

HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN LIKE THIS?

AS LONG AS I'VE KNOWN HIM.

NO BIG DEAL.

LOOK, WE REALLY HAVE TO BE GOING.

NO BIG DEAL?

THIS CHILD IS ILL?

I'VE GOT TO CHECK HIS TEMPERATURE.

TURN HIM OVER.

♪

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL DO IT YOUR WAY.

♪

OH, HE'S GOT A TEMPERATURE OF 137!

RELAX.

DOC, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

THIS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY.

ALL STAFF TO PEDIATRICS, STAT!

BYE-BYE, MOMMY!

BYE-BYE!

I WANT AN EKG, AND CHECK HIS BICARB LEVELS,

AND RUN A FULL SCAN ON HIS VITALS.

BUT DOCTOR, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I HAVE TO GET HIM TO THE RESEARCH LAB.

LET'S MOVE. WE HAVE TO SAVE THIS CHILD!

YEAH, BUT WHO'S GOING TO SAVE STANLEY?

BECAUSE IF THIS TAKES MUCH LONGER,

THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE ANY STANLEY LEFT TO SAVE.

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, PEOPLE.

WE'VE GOT A REAL SICK BOY ON OUR HANDS!

HANG IN THERE, LITTLE GUY.

WE'RE GOING TO RUN SOME TESTS.

FIRST WE'LL CHECK YOUR HEART RATE.

♪

MASK HERE! NEVER FEAR!

STOP THAT! THIS IS NO GAME.

IT IS TOO!

IT IS NOT!

- IS TOO! - IS NOT!

- IS TOO! IS TOO! - IS NOT!

I REPEAT, IT IS TOO!

IS NOT!

YOU ARE SUCH A LITTLE BRAT!

I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?

I CAN'T LET THIS GET TO ME.

I'M A HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL.

- DON'T DO THAT. - DON'T DO THAT.

- STOP IT! - STOP IT!

QUIT REPEATING EVERYTHING I SAY!

LET ME AT HIM!

I'M GOING TO SAVE THAT KID,

EVEN IF IT KILLS HIM!

SHE'S SCARING ME.

MAMA!

DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!

THAT CHILD IS DELIRIOUS WITH FEVER!

RUN, RUN, AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

YOU CAN'T CATCH ME, I'M THE SUGAR BREAD MAN.

I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE,

I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR PANTS,

AND SKIN, AND VITAL ORGANS, AND... UNDIES!

FOR ME?

BUT I DIDN'T GET YOU ANYTHING.

♪

DOCTOR, LISTEN.

WE'RE REALLY STRAPPED FOR TIME HERE.

HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?

IT'S HARD TO SAY.

THE ORDERLIES ARE PREPPING HIM NOW.

♪

THAT'LL LEAVE A MARK.

I FELL ON MY KEYS.

THIS IS A TOUGH CASE.

YOUR SON IS DELUSIONAL, COMBATIVE, AND HYPERACTIVE.

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW.

THE LAMBS, CLARICE, THE LAMBS.

HIS CONDITIONS IS GETTING WORSE.

WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP HIM OVERNIGHT FOR OBSERVATION.

BUT... HE WON'T LAST OVERNIGHT.

♪

MORE, MORE, MORE!

OKAY, IT'S 11 O'CLOCK.

THE PLACE IS PRETTY MUCH EMPTY.

IF WE'RE GOING TO GET YOU INTO THE LAB,

IT HAS GOT TO BE NOW.

WHAT? AND MISS LETTERMAN?

I DON'T THINK SO!

UH-OH.

YOU SEE! DON'T YOU GET IT?

IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING FAST,

YOU'RE GOING TO GO BYE-BYE FOR GOOD.

MASK GO BYE-BYE?

I DON'T THINK SO.

♪

ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

WE NEED AN ANTIDOTE FOR THE CREAM,

NOT BABY FORMULA.

AM I NOT THE ONE TRUE BRAIN CHILD?

♪

A LITTLE POWDER FOR FLAVOR.

SHAKE, AND VOILA!

THE ANTIDOTE!

SHE IS DONE, MAMA!

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?

THIS PLACE IS RESTRICTED.

MY SON IS VERY SICK.

HE'S SO DELUSIONAL THAT HE WONDERED OFF.

MOMMY, CAN I OPEN MY PRESENTS NOW?

WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING WE FOUND HIM,

BECAUSE THIS STUFF IS REALLY DANGEROUS.

FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.

I'll TAKE YOU BACK TO YOUR ROOM.

GEE, DOCTOR, DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS NECESSARY?

IN MY PROFESSIONAL OPINION, IT'S ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

♪

WE CAN'T AFFORD ANY FURTHER TRAUMA TO THE PATIENT...

OR THE STAFF.

SO WE'LL BE KEEPING HIM UNDER CLOSE OBSERVATION UNTIL MORNING.

BUT DOCTOR, HE HASN'T GOT THAT MUCH TIME.

THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS GET SOME REST,

AND STOP WORRYING.

YOUR SON IS IN GOOD HANDS.

STANLEY, COME BACK.

DON'T GO.

NO.

NO!

I MUST HAVE DOSED OFF.

STANLEY?

STANLEY.

STANLEY!

I'M COMING, STANLEY!

MAMA'S HERE, BABY!

OH, NO.

I'M TOO LATE.

HE'S GONE.

I'M SORRY, STANLEY!

I DID MY BEST!

I TRIED!

I'M SO SORRY!

GOOD MORNING, MS. BRANDT.

HAVE YOU HEARD?

YOUR SON HAS MADE A COMPLETE RECOVERY.

HE ALSO MADE A BOO-BOO, DIDN'T YOU?

REALLY? HE'S OKAY?

HE'S... STANLEY?

AMAZING, ISN'T IT?

HE WAS LIKE THIS WHEN I ARRIVED THIS MORNING.

HE'S LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT SINCE YESTERDAY,

BUT WITH PROPER CARE,

YOU SHOULD HAVE HIM BACK TO NORMAL IN NO TIME.

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

OH BY THE WAY, YOU REALLY SHOULD LOOK

INTO A MORE SUITABLE TOY FOR STANLEY.

THIS DIRTY OLD THING CAN'T BE GOOD FOR HIM.

YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT, LADY.

RIGHT, STANLEY?

OH, EVEN IF YOU WANTED TO USE THIS DARN THING,

IT WOULDN'T DO YOU ANY GOOD NOW.

OH, YOU'RE FADING AWAY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME,

AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO BUT WATCH!

♪

STANLEY, STOP THAT!

WAIT A MINUTE.

ALL THIS TIME, WE'VE OVERLOOKED THE OBVIOUS.

INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MAKE AN ANTIDOTE,

WHY NOT JUST WIPE THE CREAM OFF?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

NOTHING.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT THEN.

DON'T BE SAD, PEGGY.

YOU DID GOOD!

NO, I DIDN'T, STANLEY.

I... CAN'T YOU SEE? IT'S WORKING.

RADICAL!

IT'S WORKING?

OH, I'M STOKED!

STANLEY, YOU'RE BACK!

IN THE FLESH.

OH, THANKS, PEGGY. YOU'RE THE BEST.

YOU LOOK SO GOOD!

HI, THERE.

THIS IS THE EXPERIMENTAL DIAPER PROCEDURE.

BRILLIANT. YEAH, YEAH.

AND IT'S MADE A NEW MAN OUT OF ME.

BYE.

WHEW, I TELL YOU, PEG,

IT IS GREAT TO BE MY OLD SELF AGAIN.

I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER.

YOU AND ME BOTH.

I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS STUFF.

THEN REJUV-A-LOTION IS THE THING FOR YOU!

LISTEN, MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO SHAVE A FEW YEARS

OFF THAT ALREADY YOUTHFUL APPEARANCE, HUH, PEG?

RIGHT, STANLEY. I WISH.

REALLY?

WELL, YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING, PEG.

♪

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

NO, DON'T. STOP IT, MASK!

STOP IT!

OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT.

NOW LOOK WHAT... YOU'VE DONE.

YOU DO HAVE LOTS OF BABY WIPES ON HAND, RIGHT?

THEN IN THAT CASE, SOMEBODY STOP ME!

HEY, WHAT'S YOUR HURRY?

THE NIGHT IS YOUNG, AND SO ARE WE!

SMOKIN', DUDE!

♪