Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen, I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined, totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

[indistinct chatter]

[men grunting]

- [both grunting] - [chuckling] Au revoir, foolish gentlemen.

Even if you break free,

you cannot diffuse my dreaded Brie bomb.

It's made from the world's most unstable dairy product.

Your silly American Stock Exchange will be flambe

and the franc will rule the world, yeah! [Chuckles]

Franc, good.

Other military systems of the world, bad!

Oh, Phoney Frenchman.

If you won't diffuse the bomb, at least tell me this.

Why do they call it, "French toast," hm?

I mean, how do you get all the egg out of the toaster and off your face!

And why do French poodles

always have these outrageous pom poms?

Ooh, time goes short!

I must flee before le bomb makes le boom!

- [screams] - Why the Waterloo like retreat, eh?

[humming]

- [bomb beeping] - [grunts]

Thanks, Lieutenant.

Those ropes were starting to chafe.

Not so fast!

You want to blow us all to kingdom come?

[grunts]

And did you get a doctorate in physics, Mr. Smarty Pants?

Put a lid on it, you hyperactive degenerate.

Who're you calling hyperactive, you Jack Webb wannabe?

- [Mitch] Scot law! - [Mask] Fascist!

- Low life! - Commie!

- [both] Uh-oh. - [bomb beeping]

[explosion]

Excuse me, is it just my imagination running away with me,

or has the weather become partially cloudy?

Congratulations on your arrival into the next world.

Or more precisely, the waiting area for the Great Beyond.

Huh?

Ah, clearly a further demonstration is in order.

[sobs]

- [cries] - Weep not, the ending of life

is but the beginning of eternity.

Exactly.

They're gonna link me with this maniac till the end of time!

There's a new Rampaging Reptile! Movie opening next week...

As featured on Celebrity Bingo.

[panting]

All righty then!

Huh? Oh, yeah. This is good.

Are you through?

Obviously you're not going back down there.

[screams]

Indeed, the hour is nigh.

Hold on, missy. You're actually letting him go in there?

I thought if anybody didn't need to pack a parka for the after life, it'd be him!

The decision has already been made.

He doesn't deserve to get in!

I demand a hearing!

[grunts]

Not herring, hearing!

- [rumbling] - [both] Uh-oh.

Your request has been granted.

Let the hearing begin.

[gavel banging]

Ever since this nutcase turned up in Edge City...

[Announcer] And with the team no where to be found,

it looks as though Edge City will forfeit the game.

No, no, no. Let's not get "a head" of ourselves.

Just follow the bouncing ball.

- [bell dings] - [crowd cheers]

[dinging]

Bric-a-brac! A firecracker! Sis-boom-bah!

Mask! Mask! Rah! Rah! Rah!

- [crowd cheering] - Bric-a-brac! A firecracker!

Sis-boom-bah...

So, honey, would you like to see this evening's specials?

Alaskan Snow Crabs.

Ow! Ow!

And my personal recommendation,

tropical fruit salad!

♪ Ba ba bum bum hey! ♪

♪ A cha cha cha cha huh! ♪

♪ Ba ba bum bum hey! ♪

[grunts]

[growling]

We have traveled many light years.

Driven by curiosity about your fascinating species.

Please cooperate with our research.

Say, ah.

Ahhh!

A little softer, please.

Ah.

[singing the scale]

Enough!

[singing]

- [engine churning] - [train whistle blowing]

You are exhausting our patience!

Oh! I know this game.

It's, "Who Can Hit the Other Guy Softer," right?

I lose.

We must collect a tissue sample.

[honking]

Ew.

I want my tissue sample and I want it now!

[straining]

- Uh-oh. - [grunting]

Is all of this true?

Ah. Well, that depends on what you mean by true.

If you mean, did it really happen that way, why then...

Yes, but only just a little.

Based on the evidence,

it seems we must re-evaluate your fate.

[gasps]

You're not really listening to that nonsense, are you?

About me being some kind of trouble maker?

[screams]

Oops. What was I thinking?

Before passing judgment on the Mask,

one must first examine his entire history.

[people gasping]

[chattering, coughing]

You scoffed at my creations.

Now look upon my works in despair!

[people shouting]

[sighs] That's the trouble with this economy,

too much runaway inflation.

[giggles]

And you're toast.

[gasps] You haven't seen the end of me!

Oh, yes I have.

I gotta tell you, it's not a pretty sigh.

Oh, almost forgot...

I'll be back! Mark my words,

you will all sing praises to my genius!

Praises To My Genius... Don't know that one.

What? How about Pop Goes the Weasel?

Was that an explosive finale or what?

[grunting]

It's hopeless... You gotta help me.

I'm not a hero.

I'm just an actor, you know?

Not even classically trained.

The clock's ticking. Mask, do something.

Yeah, but what?

I always do my best thinking sitting down.

[alarm sounding]

There's gonna be no rematch.

[rumbling, explosion]

Oopsy! Must've been all those tacos.

[straining] All right, doomsday device.

You're no match for... handyman.

Here we go! Here we go! No batter, no batter...

Whew.

[people screaming]

All right, let's see. Pair of gloves, no.

Pair of pants, no. Parachute... Yes!

[high pitched scream]

Smokin'!

Oh! Ow! Eek! Ow! Yeow! Hot foot!

[chomping]

Ah... Well, there you have it, seraphs and cherubim.

For all the good I've done, I think I deserve to get into your little club, hm?

We have arrived at a verdict.

This individual is denied entry.

Me?

Are you out of your minds?

Although the Mask is a force for anarchy,

in his heart, he is truly a good person.

His inner impulses, struggling against temptations like you.

Me? A temptation?

By continually hounding him,

you only provoked him into retaliating.

We, therefore, must exclude you!

No!

- You! You! You! You! - [Judge] Silence!

[whispers] You.

We further decree that the man wearing the mask

is always trying to follow his conscience,

despite the fact that the mask is causing him

to behave in a most inappropriate manner.

Therefore, the owner of the mask can go in,

but the mask itself is forbidden.

[gasps] Forget it, pal!

Nobody's making me lose face.

I'll get it off him! [Grunts]

Oh, man.

Where did the mask leave me this time?

[Mitch] Ipkiss.

I always knew it was you.

You're busted for all eternity.

All right, you got your mask.

Now can I get into the Great Beyond?

[laughing] No, my darling little fool.

But you can have my undying gratitude.

Oh, thank you both,

for handing me this precious little trophy.

Ipkiss, what's going on?

Who is this lunatic?

My dear Lieutenant,

you are in the hands of Dr. Amelia Chronos,

mistress of time.

The Brie bomb never went off

because I teleported you away.

Stopping time at the very last second.

Oh, I've waited over a thousand years

to get my revenge on the Mask!

That's impossible.

Is it? As you shall soon see,

all time is relative.

[Amelia] No, what are you doing?

No! No... [groans]

Oh... I'll get you for this,

- and your little dog, too. - [barks]

[moaning]

Leave me alone, bad man.

[crying]

Stop that this minute. I command you.

- I command... - [people chattering]

Look, she's the witcheth!

And she's casting a spelleth on us alleth!

'Tis true! Grab her!

[all shouting]

That was how you defeated me the first time.

Licking my wounds, I sought out revenge using this!

[The Mask humming]

Wait, what are you doing?

It's time to do the deja voodoo that you do so well!

[grunts]

No!

[screaming]

[screams]

From your point of view, that grandfather clock only hit me once,

but from my perspective, it lasted a thousand years!

You know, I thought you said, "A thousand years."

Yes, and all I did during that time

was plan to steal the source of your power!

Now that I have it, I'm going to have my revenge on you!

Now that I possess the mask,

I can harness its energies

for new experiments in time manipulation.

Right, like we're really going to just sit back and let you use that.

Who's going to stop me?

- You? - [grunts]

Huh?

[grunts, groans]

Or you?

Ooh, I would love to see you try.

[both straining]

Observe. Using the mask's inherent transformational powers,

combined with my mastery of time...

I can de-evolve your Lieutenant Kellaway

back to his primitive ancestry.

What are you... doing to... [grunting]

At least his disposition's improved.

[yelling, grunting]

[both grunting]

- [grunts] - [screaming]

[gasps]

[grunts]

That's it. Come to papa.

Lucy, I'm home!

Did you miss me, big guy?

Where is it? Where is it! [Gasps]

Misplace your valuables?

Something in wool, perhaps?

[bleating]

Or, maybe, this?

[grunting]

Huh? What is this place?

And who in blazes are you?

Again, you've spoiled my plans.

But you're not getting away... [screams]

[screaming]

Next up, third floor.

Sporting goods, women's lingerie and...

the Edge City Stock Exchange!

Mask, someday I'm going to find out who you really are,

and then you're in for some real trouble.

- [screams] - Uh-oh.

Sounds like somebody's little adventure in de-evolution

left him overdrawn at the memory bank.

Where'd you go, Lieutenant?

And did you bring me back anything?

Nice knowing you, Doyle. And by the way, we have one second to live!

Hey! What are you doing?

Non! Non!

You can't escape me!

I am Chronos, mistress of... Uh-oh.

Sacre bleu!

[groans] I hate that mask.

[ticking]

You can't escape me!

I am Chronos, mistress of... Uh-oh.

Sacre bleu!

[groans] I hate that mask.

[ticking]

You can't escape me!

I am Chronos, mistress of... Uh-oh.

Sacre bleu!

[groans] I hate that mask.

[ticking]

Is it over?

Our villain's been defeated,

and the world is safe again.

What are you going to do now?

I'm going to...

Woo-hoo! Wedgieland! [giggling]

[chuckles] You know, Lieutenant,

I'm actually starting to enjoy this.

Doyle...

[Mask humming Ride of the Valkyries]

Somebody stop me! [Laughing]