Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen, I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined, totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

We are the terrible two!

[both mimic guitar]

[laughing]

We're here to stompify you!

[both] Oh!

Write "I will not wreck anymore airplanes ever again."

1,000 times. Now!

[both] Yes, teacher.

Um, Eddie? How do you spell "I?"

Now this is a real catch.

[beeps]

Duck!

He's making fun of me.

Chill, Eddie.

Your grief is just seriously bumming me out.

Oh, sorry, Duck.

I guess we can't all have mega-cool powers like you.

Yeah, like it's my fault you're such a lame-a-zoid.

Aw, now look what you did.

You hurt the little guppy's feelings.

Just back off, man.

[hisses]

Whoa! Now that's a new one.

Gotta save it for the file.

Whoa! Check it out, Eddie!

Fresh squeezed Mask juice.

Don't it make my green face blue?

[camera whirring]

So, Fishguy, tell me in your own words...

Why do the Terrible Two want revenge on the Mask?

[stammering]

Ok, because he, like, put us in jail, and stuff.

What are you doing? Get in there and get me some close-ups.

So, spackle-boy, how did you two escape from jail anyway?

Scope this out.

I, like, stuck my putty finger into my cell's lock,

and made a mondo perfecto copy of the key.

Mm, pretty clever plan...

for a guy who can't count to 20 without taking off his shoes.

Actually, that reporter chick lady dished us the idea.

Hmm, do-it-yourself headlines?

I knew I smelled something fishy.

Or did somebody forget to put on deodorant this morning?

Duck, he's making fun of me.

[muttering]

Hey, you cannot slam my best bud like that.

[screaming]

Now it's personal.

Come on, cream puff, put up your dukes.

You couldn't whip cream without those moves.

Come on! Put 'em up! Put 'em up!

Ow! Whoa, dude!

[screaming]

Well, what do you know.

First putty thing on the moon.

Awesome.

Get over there!

I want a picture from ground zero.

[groans]

And now, I'm-a show you how to make linguini ala putty.

Hey! Whoa!

Pasta la vista, baby.

Oh, man!

Ow!

Woops! Almost forgot anchovy.

Hey, let go!

- [groans] - Hold it.

You know, Milo, nothing beats making the front page.

- [barks] - [woman] Ipkiss!

What did you do to my door?

Wood doesn't grow on trees, you know!

Well, you see, actually...

Shut up! This is coming out of your rent.

Man, what good is making the front page

if you can't even make the rent?

- [rings] - What?!

Guess what, Stanley?

I'm onto the biggest story of my life.

UFO sightings, frogs raining from the sky...

- giant insects. - Uh-huh.

You left out the Siamese twin vampires, Peggy.

Can you believe my photographer refuses to work with me now?

How'd you like to fill in for him?

Well, I could certainly use the extra cash.

Great! Oh, and bring the Mask. Just in case.

Forget it, Peggy.

If you want a story, you'll just have to make it up,

- like you always do. - [barks]

[whines]

What?

[whines]

How can frogs just rain from the sky?

It's preposterous.

That's a frog.

Don't ask questions. Just take the picture!

- [growling] - Uh, Peggy?

I think I need a little help in here.

Stanley...

you know I can't go into the men's room.

Don't just stand there, Stanley!

Get a picture!

Mr. Sasquatch, what do you think of all the bad publicity

you've gotten through the years?

Do you feel angry? Hurt? Betrayed?

[grunts]

Way to scare him off, Hansel Adams.

[Stanley] Peggy, explain to me again

why we're wasting my weekend rowing around Edge Harbor?

Oh, you've never heard of the Loch Ness Monster?

Sure. It's in some lake in Scotland.

So how could it get here?

For that matter, how do the frogs, or Big Foot,

or any of that other stuff get here?

What's the matter, Mr. Pouty-face?

Jealous the Mask isn't getting his usual headlines?

Stop that.

Peg, you are so off base.

Oh, really? Then why did you bring this?

Uh, Peggy, don't look now,

but thar she blows!

[growling]

Put it on!

Whoa! Put it on!

Oh no!

[screaming]

I gotta get the Mask!

Stanley? Stanley!

Oh, massive sea scurvy sea slug!

Prepare to meet your doom.

Arg, do my eyes deceive me?

That should be my fabulous face plastered up there.

This definitely calls for some spin control.

Hey!

This paper is good for one thing only, no?

Voila.

Stop the presses!

[screams]

What's going on here?

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Mask rescues reporter from clutches of Loch Ness Monster.

Perhaps I've neglected one tiny detail.

Just one more. Give me your best shot.

OK. Oh, profile. That's good.

Hmm, got a cavity big enough to lose Cleveland.

Gonna have to drill.

But don't worry. I won't feel a thing.

You know there's something strange about that monster?

Definitely a nose job. I can spot them a mile away.

[Peg] No. She has no shadow.

And I know only one person capable of stealing shadows.

[gasps] Skillit!

My mission is suddenly clear.

I must find Skillit,

force him to take these creatures back to the Shadow Land,

and reclaim my rightful place on the front page

of that dirt rag you call a newspaper.

And how are you going to do that?

It's not like a portal to the Shadow Land is gonna to magically appear

right before your eyes.

- Then again... - Wait here.

And miss the story of a lifetime? Fat chance!

Hmm, nice neighborhood, if you like rigor mortis.

Welcome to the Shadow Land, Mask.

I see you brought me a playmate.

Peggy Brandt. Just the Facts, Really.

Would you care to tell our readers

why you're sending these strange creatures to Edge City?

Clearly it was a deliberate attempt

to overshadow my popularity,

and lure me here into the Shadow Land.

Wrong.

I was just dumping a bunch of old toys I've had for centuries.

They are so boring.

And speaking of boring...

You are the most boring Mask I've ever met.

And I've met them all.

Tell it to Tinkerbelle, half-pint.

Hey! Get me out of here!

Hey, get off! The suit is rented.

They'll never come out this way. Come on.

As long as you're here,

I'll just take that old Maskeroonie and put it on somebody

who knows what mayhem's all about.

Oh, Norman?

Get the Mask.

Now that's more like...

Pulitzer prize, here I come.

No sucking face on the first date!

You got a leak there.

- [burps] - My shadow!

I'm powerless without my shadow!

[grunting]

Oh, yeah. They always get restless around feeding time.

Sorry, Norm. Can't stay.

I hate to leave you tied up,

but it's so much easier than hiring a babysitter.

Where are you going, Mask?

I'm the only one who knows the magic spell

that opens the portal out of here.

Magic spell? No problemo.

There's got to be a portal in here somewhere.

Psst. Hey, reporter lady.

You know what happens if the Mask opens up a portal?

He'll just throw all of my toys out of Edge City.

Then your career as queen of the tabloids is over.

However, I can guarantee you enough bizarre,

but mostly harmless creatures

to give you exclusive headlines for the rest of your life.

All you have to do is get my shadow back.

What do you say?

Did you say "exclusive headline?"

[chuckles]

Fourth floor. Dry goods.

Ladies lingerie. Interdimensional portals.

Going...

Peggy, what have you done?

He doesn't mean any harm. Really.

He's gonna make me queen of the tabloids.

Oh yeah? Well, your highness,

how are you gonna do that if you can't get back home?!

Oh, yeah.

Now to give the Mask to a deserving Shadow Land monster.

But first, playmates,

I'm going to send the two of you home.

See? I told you he was OK.

And I'm sending one more boring old toy with you.

Oh, Freddy?

What he lacks in brains

he makes up for in savage viciousness.

I can't wait to see what he does

to your little Edge City.

Well, wait!

We have a deal. Mostly harmless you said!

Freddy is mostly harmless.

I'm saving the really dangerous stuff for later.

Now, to dump him in Edge City.

With the power in these old verses,

open the universes.

One long tube from here to there.

Open, portal. I double dog dare.

"Double dog." That's the worst poem I ever heard.

Don't knock it if it works.

Help! Peggy!

- [screaming] - Hey! You can't...

Nice work, Peggy!

Now we gotta find a way to reverse the spell.

How does Skillit find anything in this book?

Stand back, Peggy. I'm going to try reading the spell backwards.

Oh, please. That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

[reading backwards]

Don't knock it if it works.

I don't want that boring stuff back! I don't!

I see I need some help sending this junk back out of here.

[coos]

Oh. He's kind of cute.

Cute?! I don't want cute! I want mean!

Ugly, disgusting, brain sucking, spine ripping evil!

Come here and give me that Mask back this instant, you...

[moans]

[Stanley] Wait, Freddy!

If you give Skillit the Mask,

he's just going to throw you away,

like all his other stuff. Am I right?

[all] Yeah.

What are you listening to them for?

They're just great big liars.

I'd never throw you away.

I'll be your best friend.

Just give me back the Mask.

Look, Freddy, if you give us the Mask,

we'll make sure you're never forced to leave here ever again.

- Isn't that right, guys? - [all] Yeah.

[Skillit] No, Freddy! Don't do it!

Freddy, please? With sugar on top?

Thank you, Fredrick.

Big deal. You're still no match for Norman.

[belches]

[chuckles] Hey, you guys.

Don't you remember me? It's your old pal, Skillit.

Not so fast there, boys and girls.

You have to be at least this tall

to attack Skillit.

[all groan]

Well, well, well. Looks like everyone's a winner.

This way, fellas. This is for the front page.

Now, I'm a deputizing you boys,

to make sure the creatures don't escape none from the Shadow Land.

You won't get away with this! I'm Prince of the Shadow Land,

and you're just a bunch of toys!

Ho, ho, ho!

It's time to put away your toys and grow up.

From now on, you only get...

- New socks and underwear. - No!

You're right, son. Who needs new underwear?

Why, the old stuff is just fine for atomic wedgies!

Yow!

[buzzing]

Oh, I'm sorry. That buzzer means our time is up.

But just so you don't go away empty-handed,

we're giving you a lifetime supply of Happy Time Portal.

The Shadow Land treat.

With the power of these old verses,

the universe... double dog dare.

Hey, guess what, folks?

That's the news, and we are out of here.

Well, that should close the portal to the Shadow Land forever.

Or until we decide to bring the creepy kid back for another episode.

What are you trying to pull here?

These pictures are all blank.

[chuckles]

I guess the Shadow Land doesn't photograph.

[the Mask] Fear not!

Edge City's number one news item stands ready to grant Peggy...

an exclusive page one interview, with photo op.

Somebody quote me.

[laughs]