Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen, I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined, totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well, there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

- [music playing] - [cheering]

And you can almost taste the excitement in the air tonight, folks,

and here comes the guy the crowd has come to see.

This year's Edge City billiards champ.

He's pulling up. Still pulling up.

[crowd cheering]

Let's shoot some pool.

The Great One himself.

Let's go inside, see him up close.

Hey, you are not on the list, you ain't getting in.

Of course, if you wanna grease the palm a little bit, you know what I mean?

Oh, yes! We grease whole body. Coconut oil.

Very slippery.

Hey, what's your big idea?

[shouting]

Come back here.

Smokin'!

[cheering]

I call this one my bank shot.

[crashing]

[alarm blaring]

[cheering]

You are most wonderful.

Golly, that's just swell, boys.

Now back off. You're creasing the suit.

You come to our island. My card.

"Chief Louie, island of Coco Bongo." Tourist trap.

No trap. All expenses paid free vacation.

You don't say.

[woman screams]

Yeah, I could groove with that. So when do we leave?

Ten minutes.

Now step aside 'cause big daddy's got

some serious packing to do.

Honored guest, time to make like a coconut tree and leave.

No! Stop plane!

Why? Did you forget your suntan lotion?

- [laughing] - [alarm blaring]

[screaming]

No disrespect, honored one,

but it occurs to me to wonder, who is flying plane?

My co-pilot. Who else?

[yelping]

[passengers screaming]

And you call yourself a co-pilot.

Give me the wheel at once.

[growls]

[shrieks]

Walked right into that one, didn't I?

I have got to find a better brand of denture glue.

Welcome to Coco Bongo, island paradise.

OK, these must be the servants' quarters.

When do we get to the paradise part?

[laughing]

Honored guest, you have caustic sense of humor.

- Best hut in the village. - [gasps]

Enjoy.

Time for a little hut improvement.

Smilin'!

[howls]

[scoffs]

Green man is long lost Most Exalted Ancient One

come back to protect island.

His powers even greater than yours, witch doctor.

Bah! Green man nothing but con artist.

Green man amazing. Shoot pool.

Make eight ball in corner pocket.

Yeah, him work mean stick.

I tell you green man ain't Most Exalted Ancient One.

Him big fake. Look and compare.

Nose too big, chin too weak.

Witch doctor have only power.

[snoring]

Me prove him big fake.

- Put hex on him. - [rattling]

Mariachis!

Yee-ha!

Chicky-boom! Chicky-boom-boom!

[mutters]

You might wanna think about waxing those legs, Desiree.

Big ball in sky go down. Time to throw big luau for honored guest.

Groovy, man,

'cause I got some major munchies happening.

Time for ceremonial oil dance.

[laughing]

No offense, Chief, old pal, but that is the lamest dance I've ever seen.

You guys oughta be doing the hula.

The hula?!

What is this thing called hula?

Well, slam your eyeballs against this, Chiefy.

It's all in the hips. Ain't nothing cooler than the hula.

[oohing and ahhing]

Somebody stop me.

Me stop him all right.

Put big hex on green man.

Sounds like somebody wants to play.

[grunting]

[laughing]

It's all in the hips, witch doctor.

[loud rumbling]

[screaming]

Island angry with us.

Big shake-shake all finished.

Good time to tell story of Most Exalted Ancient One.

Most Exalted Ancient One first appeared 100 years ago

when great tsunami threatened island.

He saved the island, chase away tsunami with his great powers.

Away, tsunami, go home.

But Most Exalted Ancient One disappeared when tsunami vanished

never to be seen again.

So how do you like our little paradise?

[snoring]

- [loud rumbling] - [screaming]

The totems are falling down.

[barking]

What I tell you? Him no Most Exalted Ancient One.

Him bum.

[screams] Hey, what's the big... [barking]

This is a job for Buzz Saw Head Man.

No, wait, make that Rotary Head Guy.

The Human Cleaver?

- [whimpers] - All right, all right.

[shouting]

There is no question our guest is the one.

All hail Most Exalted Ancient One.

Hail, Most Exalted Ancient One.

Me still say his nose too big.

[spits] Pal, get it together.

So hard to find good help these days.

[wolf whistles]

Now hear this, "By royal decree,

I command that right now it is time

to par-tay!"

[cheering]

[chanting] Party! Party! Party! Party!

Tell me now, where is the best place to party?

- The club! - [cheering]

[all groan]

We are hanging our heads in shame, O Great One.

- We have no club. - Then build it.

We're talking pool table with a capital T and it stands for bowling alley,

gladiators, petting zoo, state of the art outhouse.

And remember, no shoes, no shirt, no service.

Ahh, that's more like it.

Me really hate that guy.

Most Exalted Ancient One must not leave.

If it'd be up to me, you'd be on the first boat to China,

but they think you big hotshot.

So me have to make you stay.

Really?

Let's see you try.

Cookie lookee hooky cabana.

Turn you into a big banana.

[all gasping]

A little snug. You got anything in size 12?

Hokey dokey, ping and pong,

turn you into a great big gong.

You're looking a tad shaky, Doc.

Maybe you oughta cut down on the double espresso cocoa beans, hmm?

OK, you asked for it.

- Bring me the big pouch. - Oooh!

The big pouch?

Ooh! Not the big pouch.

Inky binky bingo bing,

big magic, do your thing!

Oh, right.

Like a couple of flakes of parsley are gonna...

[cheering]

Him good.

Better than Copperfield.

[gasping]

Hi, everybody. Awfully balmy weather we're having, isn't it?

What you do to Most Exalted Ancient One?

Me did nothing.

Maybe Earth's gone bad.

No, the top seals freshness in.

It's all his fault.

Must sacrifice him to Great Bog.

Only way to bring back you know who.

Sacrifice? Bog?

You're making a big mistake. We're talking lawsuit here, people.

[barking]

Great Bog beckons.

Yeah, it looks like it.

Boiling lava really makes me break out in a bad rash.

Silence! You make Most Exalted Ancient One disappear.

Maybe you disappear, bring him back.

The only thing that'll bring him back is if I get the Mask back on.

Do it, boy. Bring me the mask. Please.

What all this talk about the Mask?

Who knows? Him talk more mumbo-jumbo than my brother-in-law.

Soon great fireball in the sky rise over ocean.

Then we throw him in the bog.

[gulps]

Ooh! [Barks]

[howls]

[loud rumbling]

Most Exalted Ancient One ticked off with us.

Must hurry sacrifice.

Goodbye, world. I'll miss you, Peggy,

and Charlie, even you, Mrs. Peenman,

and especially my bestest pal Milo.

Milo! [Whistles]

O Most Exalted Ancient One,

accept this miserable sacrifice and come back to us.

- [loud bang] - [screaming]

Milo!

Oh, no, you've got the Mask on.

Milo, don't. You're gonna make us fall!

Sacrifice is done.

Maybe now Most Exalted Ancient One come back.

Me hope not.

Hi, guys. Miss me?

Man, I tell you. That boiling lava really clears out the sinuses.

[cheering]

Most Exalted Ancient One, thank goodness.

Tsunami!

Gesundheit.

No. Tsunami.

Big wave heading for island.

Save us, O Mighty Exalted Ancient One.

Well, I don't know. You fellas are pretty ungrateful.

I mean, casting spells, turning a guy into a banana,

throwing my pal into that big bog of yours.

It never happen again.

We promise. Scout's honor.

So if I save you, you will let me leave?

Is it a deal?

Deal, yes, deal!

Now quick. Stop great tsunami before it wash everything away.

No more island. No more beach. No more club!

No more club? Why didn't you say so?

All right, tsunami.

Time for a showdown with... Samurai.

[grunting]

Listen up, tsunami.

You go back to mommy.

Well, fellas, it's been great, but we really must run.

Hang ten, gnarly native dudes. Catch you on the flip side.

Smokin'!

Him was the best friend I ever had.

[theme music playing]