Original subtitles

♪ I GOTCHA WITH MY WINNIN' SMILE ♪

♪ I'M A LIVING LESSON IN FLAIR AND STYLE ♪

♪ YOU JUST CAN'T HELP BUT STARE AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE ♪

♪ I'M NOUVEAU, DECO, ROMAN-GRECO, ♪

♪ ROCOCO, BARROCO, BE-BOP, HIP-HOP, FLIP-FLOP ♪

♪ SOMEBODY STOP ME! ♪

♪ PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES LIKE MINE ♪

♪ DON'T COME A DIME A DOZEN ♪

♪ I STAND OUT OF THE CROWD ♪

♪ BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME, YEAH, THEY BROKE THE MOLD ♪

♪ WHOLESOME AND KIND, STAID AND REFINED, ♪

♪ TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND ♪

♪ ARCH-VILLAINS AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS ♪

♪ HAD BETTER LEARN TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS ♪

♪ GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING IF THEY ASK, SEE ♪

♪ WELL, THERE'S ONE LAST THING ♪

♪ I GOTTA SING ABOUT ♪

♪ OPEN UP WIDE AND REALLY SHOUT ♪

♪ OH, LOOK OUT ♪

♪ THIS IS THE MASK ♪

SMOKIN'!

♪

SO, PHONY FRENCHMAN, AT LAST WE MEET.

♪

OH, IT'S THE MASK.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

I WAS A FOOL TO FOLLOW THIS BOGUS TRAIL

OF STALE BAGUETTES TO THIS PHONY FAUX

EIFFEL TOWER.

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

IT'S REAL. I BORROWED IT!

♪

MONSIEUR MASKED MAN, YOU THINK YOU ARE SO SMART!

EAT MY FONDUE!

END OF THE LINE, FRENCHY!

IT'S TIME TO GIVE UP YOUR PHONY FRENCH WAYS.

HA, THAT'S FUNNY!

ALL RIGHTY!

YOU FIEND!

MAKE IT STOP!

♪

TOUGH GUY, HUH?

WELL, WATCH ME EAT SALAD WITH A DINNER FORK!

MM, ARUGULA.

NO! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO USE THE TEENY-WEENIE SALAD FORK!

YOU KNOW, THIS BRIE IS A LITTLE PAST ITS PEAK,

BUT I'M SURE IT STILL MAKES FOR GOOD EATIN'!

YOU ARE EATING BRIE PAST ITS PEAK?

OH, YOU'VE TAKEN LEAVE OF YOUR SENSES!

YOU CRAZY!

♪

THIS IS ALMOST AS CHEESY AS YOUR FAUX FRENCH ACCENT.

♪

NO!

OUI!

SACRE BLEU!

I'll GET YOU, YOU RUDE AMERICAN MASKED MAN!

VIVA LA FRANCE!

BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN TO PARIS.

I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN THE EIFFEL TOWER.

WELL, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE, SMART GUY.

♪

THE WHOLE THING STINKS LIKE CAMEMBERT FONDUE.

MM, ACTUALLY, IT HAD MORE OF A CHEDDAR BASE

THERE, LIEUTENANT.

WHAT?

DOYLE!

HEY, STANLEY, GUESS WHAT I JUST HEARD ON THE RADIO?

THE FRENCH HAVE DECIDED TO LEND US

THE EIFFEL TOWER FOR A WEEK

IN EXCHANGE FOR BUDDY HACKETT.

IPKISS!

I JUST MADE YOUR APARTMENT

THE OFFICIAL EIFFEL TOWER OBSERVATION SITE.

THE FIRST TOUR COMES THROUGH

TOMORROW MORNING, 6:00 AM SHARP.

SO MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL AND DISAPPEAR FOR A WHILE.

YOU GOT LUCKY, IPKISS.

THIS TIME.

QUE PASA, STAN, MY MAN?

YOU LOOK STRESSED OUT.

HEY, TELL YOU WHAT.

I'VE GOT THIS HOT RAFTING DATE LINED UP,

BUT SHE'LL ONLY GO IF HER FRIEND GOES.

SO I NEED A FRIEND FOR HER FRIEND.

IT'S A CHANCE TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL.

A RELAXING VACATION.

SUNSHINE, TREES, THE GREAT OUTDOORS, HMM?

WELL, NO ONE WANTS ME AROUND HERE.

GREAT!

PICK YOU UP TOMORROW, BRIGHT AND EARLY!

BUT YOU'RE STAYING.

AND SO ARE YOU.

♪

CHARLIE, I... I... I THINK YOU MADE A WRONG TURN.

HEY, RELAX.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I'M GOING.

♪

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT US LOST!

I GOT US LOST!

WHAT... ♪

GREAT! SOME RELAXING GETAWAY.

ALL RIGHT, DON'T WORRY.

ONCE WE MEET UP WITH THE GIRLS,

IT'LL BE FUN IN THE SUN.

♪

"DEAR CHARLIE, THE WEATHER WAS SO NICE,

WE DECIDED TO START WITHOUT YOU.

HOPE YOU CAN CATCH UP."

HM, SWELL.

HOW CAN IT GET ANY WORSE?

♪

AH, YES.

FINALLY, A CHANCE TO RELAX.

♪

CHARLIE, I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT A RELIEF IT IS

TO GET AWAY FROM THE MASK.

I... I... I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE... THE CITY

WHERE THE MASK HANGS OUT.

I JUST... OH.

YEAH, IT SURE IS PEACEFUL.

MAYBE WE SHOULD GO FOR A SWIM.

OOH, WATER'S NICE, TOO.

♪

MILO!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

♪

I'll SAVE YOU, STANLEY!

MILO, GIVE ME THE MASK!

COME ON.

HUH?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SHARK THINGY?

MILO SCARED HIM OFF.

YEAH, IT'S A REALLY GOOD THING HE STOWED AWAY

IN OUR STUFF.

GOOD... GOOD MILO.

YEAH.

YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

♪

♪

WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW!

HEY!

WEREN'T YOU JUST A SHARK?

AND... AND WHERE'S STANLEY?

YOU WANT TO PLAY 20 QUESTIONS

OR YOU WANT TO SURVIVE THIS LITTLE TRIP?

WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!

♪

BANKERS ARE DOCKING SECOND.

YES!

NO, WAIT. THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

OH, YES. GERONIMO!

♪

HMM, PERHAPS I SHOULD JETTISON

SOME OF THIS EXCESS WEIGHT.

♪

WAIT, MAYBE I CAN USE THAT.

♪

CH-CH-CHEEKY!

I'M ALIVE.

I'M ALIVE!

TIME TO PARTY!

SOMEBODY POP ME!

♪

SOME GREAT OUTDOORS.

NO COCO BONGO CLUB.

NO MAD MONKEY MOVIE MARATHON.

NO OVERZEALOUS POLICE LIEUTENANTS TO HARASS.

WHAT SORT OF SICK, TWISTED MIND

COULD CONCEIVE OF SUCH A PLACE?

WELL, LOOKY HERE, PA.

CITY FOLK.

♪

I KNOW WHAT THIS PLACE NEEDS!

A HULA LOUNGE.

♪

EVERYBODY HULA!

A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI, A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.

A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.

CLEM, GO GET THE SHOTGUN.

A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI, A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.

TONIGHT ONLY, TWO-FOR-ONE PASSES.

BRING A POSSUM, GET IN FREE.

A SHOOTING CONTEST!

SHOOTIN' CONTEST!

LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.

MEH, TOO SMALL.

THROW IT BACK.

NOPE, STILL TOO SMALL.

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

AH-HA!

♪

WHAT'CHA GONNA DO WITH THAT TEENY THING?

♪

I DO BELIEVE WE HAVE A WINNER!

♪

AND FOR OUR RUNNERS UP,

A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF WEDGIES!

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR UNDERWEAR?

UNDERWEAR?

WHAT'S UNDERWEAR?

FORTUNATELY, I COME PREPARED

FOR JUST SUCH EMERGENCIES.

♪

YOU BOYS CRY OUT FOR SOMETHING SPECIAL,

PERHAPS SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE,

I DON'T KNOW, ROMAN-GRECO.

♪

OH, NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

AN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN MOTIF.

♪

A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI, A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.

♪

YOU! YOU!

I THOUGHT WE LOST YOU OVER THE WATERFALL!

NO, NO.

SEE, I ENDED UP ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER,

BUT I COULDN'T FIND ANY HELP.

SO I CAME BACK HERE, BUT I... YOU KNOW,

I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU.

WELL, WE CAN KISS GOOD-BYE TO EVER

CATCHING UP WITH THE GIRLS.

THEY'RE PROBABLY MILES FROM HERE BY NOW.

HMM. THE ONLY THINK I CAN'T FIGURE OUT IS WHY WOULD

THE MASK FOLLOW US ALL THE WAY HERE?

MILO, WILL YOU STOP BARKING?

♪

OPEN SEASON ON CITY FOLK.

WE GOT... WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

THERE THEY ARE!

WOO-WEE!

♪

BILLY BO BOB, THIS IS PA.

CITY FOLK COMIN' YOUR WAY.

THEY'VE GOT WALKIE-TALKIES STANLEY.

THEY... THEY'VE GOT WALKIE-TALKIES!

SO?

THEY'VE GOT GUNS, STANLEY!

THEY'VE GOT GUNS!

GUNS I CARE ABOUT!

KEEP ME POSTED ON THE GUNS!

BILLY BO BOB HERE.

TARGET ALPHA OMEGA NINER OVER.

OOH, WHAT'S ALL THAT MEAN?

HECK, I DON'T KNOW.

IT SOUNDS KINDA PURTY, THOUGH, DON'T IT?

THIS WAY!

I THINK WE LOST 'EM.

WE'RE JUST TOO SMART FOR THOSE STUPID...

I MEAN, STUPID IN THE MOST POSITIVE SENSE.

♪

WELL, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE GREAT FOR YOU BACK.

♪

YEE-HA!

HE-HE!

YEE-HA!

♪

CAN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE?

WHY, SURE.

WE COULD SAY, "HOW COMPLETELY SPLENDIFEROUS

THAT WE HAVE APPREHENDED SUCH UNPLEASANT URBAN DWELLERS."

BUT IT AIN'T GOT NEARLY THE SAME TWANG TO IT.

YEE-HA!

♪

WHAT NOW, PA?

WELL, WE EAT 'EM, I GUESS.

WOO-HOO!

LET'S MAKE STIR-FRY!

YEE-HA!

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

RELEASE THOSE MEN!

DANG YOU, JED JIGSEN JEDEDIAH,

AND YOUR WHOLE CLAN!

YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS.

WHEW, THE CAVALRY!

JUST IN TIME.

NOW, OUR TWO FAMILIES BEEN AT WAR,

SHOOTIN' AT EACH OTHER, STEALIN' FROM EACH OTHER

FOR 70 YEARS.

AND I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.

IT'S GETTIN DANG INCONVENIENT.

WELL, I RECKON YOUR FAMILY SHOULDA

HAD-A OUGHTA CONSIDERED THAT

AFORE THEY LEFT BESSIE AND BEULAH

AWAITIN' AT THE ALTAR!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I DONE DECIDED TO MAKE GOOD.

BUT BILLY BO BOB'S ALREADY GOT HIM THREE WIVES,

AND ZEKE OVER THERE'S REALLY A GIRL.

AND THERE'S CLEM AND MUDHEAD,

BUT THEY'LL BE OFF NEXT YEAR TRAVELIN'

WITH THE BALLET.

YOU DON'T WANT YOUR DAUGHTERS

MIXED UP WITH NO SHOW FOLK.

SO, WHY DON'T WE GIVE YOU THESE TWO?

I RECKON THEY'D MAKE GOOD FOR HUSBANDIN'.

BETTER FOR EATIN'.

ALL RIGHT, IT'S A DEAL.

YEE-HA!

YEAH!

YOU WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF BESSIE AND BEULAH?

THEY'S THE PRETTIEST DARN CRITTERS

EVER TO WADE THROUGH THESE HERE BOGS!

WOW, THEY ARE PRETTY.

YEAH.

COURSE, YOU KNOW, THESE PHOTOS WAS TAKEN

'BOUT 70-ODD YEARS AGO,

AND TIME DOES HAVE A WAY OF AGIN' FOLKS.

70 YEARS!

WELL, THAT WOULD MAKE 'EM... CARRY THE FI...

UH, REALLY OLD!

YEAH, I MEAN!

AND THEY AIN'T GETTIN' ANY YOUNGER.

SO LET'S JUST GET THIS HOOTENANNY

ON THE ROAD!

♪

HI, THERE.

I RECKON WE BETTER GET STARTED.

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO?

YEAH!

WE... NO.

- UH-UH. - SURE DON'T.

NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I GOT NO IDEA.

♪

HOLD IT, I REMEMBER NOW.

EVERYBODY SAYS, "I DO," AND THEY CARRY

THE BLUSHING BRIDES OVER THE THRESHOLD.

DO WE GOT A THRESHOLD?

WE GOT AN OUTHOUSE.

FINE BY ME. I'M GETTIN' HUNGRY.

BESSIE, BEULAH, SAY "I DO."

I DO.

♪

NOW, YOU SAY, "I DO."

I... ♪

I... I... MILO!

♪

I MILO?

WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

WELL, MAYBE IT'S ITALIAN.

THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE.

SAY IT IN ENGLISH.

I AM... I... I... I... I GOTTA GO

TO THE LITTLE HILLBILLIES' ROOM.

♪

Y'ALL THINK HE REALLY HAD TO GO?

♪

HECK, I DON'T KNOW.

LET'S JUST SHOOT HIM.

♪

HOO-OO-WEE!

DO NOT GO IN THERE!

IT'S THAT GREEN-FACED CITY SLICKER!

MISSED. MISSED AGAIN.

SORRY. WOO!

DON'T DO THAT.

♪

ALL RIGHT, CLEVELAND!

LET'S ROCK THIS PLACE!

♪

NOW SWING YOUR PARTNER, DO-SI-DO,

STOMP REAL HARD RIGHT ON THE TOE.

♪

LET'S PICK UP THE PACE, CHILLINS.

♪

GRAB THEIR GUN AND TIE 'EM UP TIGHT.

WEDGIE YOUR PARTNER WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT.

ALLEMANDE LEFT AND DO A LITTLE JIG.

COVER 'EM WITH SLOP AND FEED 'EM TO THE PIG.

♪

Y'ALL GET IN MY WAY.

GET ME ON OUT HERE, WOULD YOU?

TIME TO SHOVE OFF!

EXCUSE ME.

YEE-HA!

♪

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT LOSING

ALL THAT CAMPING EQUIPMENT, STANLEY.

I PUT IT ON YOUR CREDIT CARD.

OH! I CAN'T TALK NOW!

I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR THE INVITATION-ONLY

BANKERS' BASH.

GOIN' TO THE PARTY.

GOIN'... LOVER BOY!

OHH!

OH, WHAT'S THIS?

INVITATION ONLY.

A PARTY?

I JUST LOVE PARTIES.

GOIN' TO A PARTY.

SOMEBODY STOP ME!

♪

♪