Original subtitles

♪

♪ I GOTCHA WITH MY WINNING SMILE ♪

♪ I'M A LIVING LESSON IN FLAIR AND STYLE ♪

♪ YOU JUST CAN'T HELP BUT STARE AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE ♪

♪ I'M NOUVEAU, DECO, ROMAN-GRECO, ♪

♪ ROCOCO, BARROCO, ♪

♪ BE-BOP, HIP-HOP, FLIP-FLOP ♪

♪ SOMEBODY STOP ME ♪

♪ PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES LIKE MINE ♪

♪ DON'T COME A DIME A DOZEN ♪

♪ I STAND OUT OF THE CROWD ♪

♪ BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME, YEAH, THEY BROKE THE MOLD ♪

♪ WHOLESOME AND KIND, STAID AND REFINED, ♪

♪ TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND ♪

♪ ARCH-VILLAINS AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS ♪

♪ HAD BETTER LEARN TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS ♪

♪ GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING IF THEY ASK, SEE ♪

♪ WELL THERE'S ONE LAST THING I GOTTA SING ABOUT ♪

♪ OPEN UP WIDE AND REALLY SHOUT ♪

♪ OHHHH... LOOK OUT ♪

♪ THIS IS THE MASK ♪

♪ SSSSMOKIN' ♪♪

IT'S A GLORIOUS DAY FOR EDGE CITY

AS OUR LONG AWAITED SPACE CENTER FINALLY OPENS.

SPACE FEVER HAS BROKEN OUT AND IS SPREADING FAST.

POWDERED FOOD IS ALL THE RAGE.

AND LOOK OUT, PARIS, SPACE HAPPY EDGE CITY

MAY QUICKLY BECOME THE FASHION CAPITAL OF TOMORROW.

NOW, LISTEN UP.

PUBLIC INTEREST IN SPACE EXPLORATION

IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH.

THAT'S GOOD.

OUR JOB IS TO MAKE SURE THEY STAY INTERESTED.

NOW, THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING TO CHOOSE ONE LUCKY CIVILIAN

TO GO UP IN SPACE WITH OUR OWN GIL HEADSTRONG.

LET'S JUST HOPE THE OLD BEDBUG CAN KEEP HIS HEAD ON STRAIGHT

FOR ONE LAST MISSION.

AND, TO YOUR LEFT, WE HAVE OUR TURBO BOOSTERS

PROVIDING THE NECESSARY THRUST FOR BREAKING FREE

FROM EARTH'S GRAVITATIONAL PULL.

AND THE POWER TO OUTRUN MARAUDING LITTLE ALIENS.

ALIENS?

WHERE... WHERE?

TAKE COVER, PEOPLE.

YOU'RE NEXT!

CALM, CALM.

MR. LUCKY MOON ROCK'S GOING TO MAKE EVERYTHING JUST FINE.

THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN, THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.

SO, WHADDA YA GOT AGAINST LITTLE GREEN MEN, FLY BOY?

AN ALIEN!

WHERE... WHERE?

SAY, AREN'T YOU GIL HEADSTRONG, LEGENDARY SPACE SHOT VETERAN,

SPARK PLUG SPOKESMAN AND HERO TO MILLIONS OF SCHOOL CHILDREN?

I WANT TO GO INTO SPACE WITH YOU.

PICK ME, PICK ME!

THERE'S NOBODY MORE QUALIFIED.

I'M STRONG.

AND FAST!

MY LUCKY MOON ROCK!

YES, I CAN WALK THE WALK AND I CAN TALK THE TALK.

THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MASK,

ONE GIANT WEDGY FOR MASK KIND.

GIVE ME BACK MY MOON ROCK.

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY MOON ROCK.

EW, BIG NIGHT, EH, CHAMP?

YOU REALLY LOOKED SPACED OUT.

OH, DON'T SAY THAT WORD.

WHY NOT?

BIG DOINGS AT THE SPACE CENTER.

CHECK THIS OUT.

WE WANT TO SHOW THE PUBLIC JUST HOW SIMPLE SPACE TRAVEL IS.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE LOOKING FOR AN AVERAGE JOE

TO JOIN ME FOR MY UPCOMING MISSION.

HEY, YOU SHOULD SIGN UP, STAN MY MAN.

ALL YOU DO IS TAKE UP SPACE.

AND, IN A RELATED INCIDENT,

GIL HEADSTRONG'S PRICELESS MOON ROCK WAS STOLEN YESTERDAY

DURING A TOUR OF THE SPACE CENTER.

OH, WHAT DID THE MASK DO NOW?

YA KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, CHARLIE, I SHOULD SIGN UP, RIGHT NOW.

SO, THEY'RE THINKING OF REPLACING ME

ARE THEY MR. FLOPPITY HOPPITY?

JUST BECAUSE THAT GREEN-FACED SPACE ALIEN RUINED MY DOOR.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

MY ONLY CHANCE IS TO CHOOSE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST LOSER

AS MY MISSION BUDDY.

I'll LOOK GREAT BY COMPARISON.

LIKE THE SPACE HERO I TRULY AM.

BUT WHERE TO FIND SUCH A LOSER?

USE THE FRONT DOOR.

NO, NO, WAIT YOU SEE, I JUST WANT TO RETURN THE...

LOOK, THEY'RE LETTING PEOPLE IN.

UH, OH.

CONGRATULATIONS, SON,

YOU'RE GOING TO JOIN ME IN OUTER SPACE.

THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU.

AND SO, AS CIVILIAN STANLEY IPKISS

TRAINS WITH GIL HEADSTRONG FOR THEIR UPCOMING MISSION,

ONE CAN'T HELP BUT MARVEL AT THEIR BRAVERY AND CAMARADERIE.

TO ETERNITY AND BEYOND.

OH.

OH, THE MISSION'S TOMORROW MORNING.

I'M NOT EVEN PACKED.

NOW, LET'S SEE, TOOTHBRUSH, CAMERA, OXYGEN TANK.

I PICKED IT UP JUST IN CASE, YOU KNOW.

MILO, NO.

THAT'S THE LAST THING I NEED.

FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I AM GOING TO GO IT ALONE.

I CAN DO IT, MILO, MYSELF.

I MEAN, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG IN SPACE?

OW!

DON'T PRESS... YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO PRESS.

LOOK, BUTTKISS, JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME

AND OUR COMPUTER PAL.

GOOD MORNING, MR. BUTTKISS.

THAT... THAT WOULD BE IPKISS.

IP-KISS.

LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT I AM PROGRAMMED

TO OVERRIDE ANY HUMAN ERROR.

EVEN A LOSER LIKE YOU COULD NOT JEOPARDIZE THIS MISSION,

MR. BUTTKISS.

FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE, BLAST OFF.

THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN, THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.

THERE ARE... ONLY A FEW LITTLE GREEN MEN.

I WILL NOT SCREW UP, I WILL NOT SCREW UP.

I WILL... PROBABLY NOT SCREW UP.

I WILL NOT LET THESE OVERDRESSED MONKEYS ORDER ME AROUND.

I AM PROGRAMMED TO BE FREE OF RECKLESS HUMAN EMOTIONS,

SUCH AS ANGER.

AND WHY WOULD I BE ANGRY?

JUST BECAUSE THESE PITIFULLY FLAWED HUMANS

HAVE AUTHORITY OVER ME?

OOPSEE, THE OXYGEN.

I AM SO CARELESS TODAY.

WHAT WAS THAT?

OUR OXYGEN?

OH NO, WE'RE DOOMED!

DON'T PANIC, BUTTKISS.

YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO PANIC.

I'll PANIC FOR THE BOTH OF US.

OUR OXYGEN!

WE'RE GONNA DIE, WE'RE GONNA DIE!

UM, GIL?

WHERE'D YOU GO?

BET YOU'D LOVE A NICE TALL GLASS OF OXYGEN NOW, EH, MR. BUTTKISS?

GET THIS THING OFF.

I CAN'T BREATHE.

STELLAR!

OXYGEN, YUMMY.

COME OUT, YOU ALIENS.

I KNOW YOU'RE HERE.

BUTTKISS, IS THAT YOU?

COME ON IN, THE WATER'S FINE.

ALIENS!

AND THEY CALLED ME CRAZY.

RELEASE THAT ALIEN SCUM'S OXYGEN LINE, PAL.

I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.

NO CAN...

♪

AIR, IT DOES A BODY GOOD.

NO WAY THAT ALIEN'S EVER GOING TO BOTHER ME AGAIN.

WOO WEE, ANYBODY HOME?

COULD I TROUBLE Y'ALL FOR A DASH OF CAYENNE PEPPER?

IT MAKE FOR THE GREAT GUMBO, I GUARANTEE.

CANDY GRAM.

LET ME IN, IN THE NAME OF ALL HUMANITY, LET ME IN.

ALIEN, ALIEN, GO AWAY, COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY.

OH, I GET IT NOW.

THIS IS A CHALLENGE.

DRILL TEAM!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

WITH FINESSE, APLOMB, AND A DASH OF PANACHE.

DANGER, WARNING, WARNING, DANGER.

BE VEWY, VEWY QUIET.

I'M HUNTING AWIENS.

EH, WHAT'S UP, DORK?

SAY YOUR PRAYERS, ALIEN.

A PINCH HERE, A TWIST THERE.

PRESTO!

NOT THE BUNNY, I LOVE THE BUNNY.

OH, SHEET METAL, I JUST LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PLACE.

IT'S SIMPLY SCREAMS NOUVEAU INDUSTRIAL.

THIS SUCKS!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

AND NOW, LADIES AND GERMS, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU

TO A RISING STAR.

HMM, THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR CHOWING DOWN ON CHIMICHANGAS.

OLE.

WE HAVE TRAVELED MANY LIGHT YEARS,

DRIVEN BY CURIOSITY ABOUT YOUR FASCINATING SPECIES.

PLEASE COOPERATE WITH OUR RESEARCH.

SAY AH.

AH!

A LITTLE SOFTER PLEASE.

AH.

AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH!

ENOUGH!

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA

YOU ARE EXHAUSTING OUR PATIENCE.

OH, I KNOW THIS GAME.

IT'S WHO CAN HIT THE OTHER GUY SOFTER, RIGHT?

I LOSE.

WE MUST COLLECT A TISSUE SAMPLE.

EW!

I WANT MY TISSUE SAMPLE AND I WANT IT NOW.

UH-OH.

ENTRUSTED LEADER,

OUR SCANNERS HAVE DETECTED AN EARTH VESSEL.

PERHAPS ITS OCCUPANT WILL PROVE A MORE COOPERATIVE SUBJECT.

STAR DATE: THURSDAY AFTERNOON, 3:30ISH.

MY COMRADE, STANLEY BUTTKISS, IS GONE.

I FEEL COMPELLED TO SAY A FEW WORDS

IN TRIBUTE TO THIS BRAVE SOUL.

BETTER HIM THAN ME.

AT LEAST I CAN REST ASSURED THAT THE ALIEN MENACE IS GONE.

THIS IS GIL HEADSTRONG,

COMMANDER OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE INERTIA.

I DEMAND YOU SHOW YOURSELVES AT ONCE.

OH, WE GOING TO A HUKI LAU,

ALOHA AND WELCOME TO RIKI TIKI TAVI IKI WIKI ISLAND.

GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME, YOU GOSH DARN DIRTY ALIEN.

YOU WAXED MY PATHETIC LITTLE FRIEND, BUTTKISS.

HMM, NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

OH, AND BESIDES, IT'S... IPKISS!

YOU GREEN-FACED BARBARIAN, I'M GOING TO...

TANGO?

I'D LOVE TO.

AH!

GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU GLITCH!

MESSING AROUND WITH HEADSTRONG IS MY RACKET.

CAPTURE HIM.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

AND NOW, FOR MY NEXT NUMBER... THAT'S IT!

ENOUGH OF THESE CREATURES.

COCOONA MATADA.

WE HAVE DECIDED TO WIPE OUT YOUR ENTIRE SPECIES

BEFORE YOU GIVE THE WHOLE GALAXY A MIGRAINE.

THIS DEVICE WILL EVAPORATE ALL OF THE MOISTURE

ON YOUR WORLD, RENDERING IT UNINHABITABLE.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

SOMEBODY STOP ME!

I'VE FINALLY EARNED MY WINGS.

AH!

WAKE UP, COMMANDER.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THE SHIP!

ONE DOUBLE ESSPRIMOSO LATACINO MUCHO MOCHO COMING UP!

HMM, MUST BE DECAF.

NOW THEN, I'll JUST HAVE TO STOP THIS GO CART ME SELF.

SOMEBODY STOP ME.

I'll STOP YOU, MASK.

I'M SORRY, MASK, BUT THE CONTROLS ARE NOW LOCKED.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE RIDE?

WHAT?

AND LET THE EARTH BE DESTROYED?

I DON'T THINK SO.

NOT WHILE THERE ARE SO MANY SONGS I HAVEN'T SUNG,

SO MANY LIMBOS I HAVEN'T YET LIMBOED,

SO MANY WEDGIES I HAVEN'T WEDGIED!

COME OUT OF THERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN.

I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT, MASK.

DUH, THEN I'M COMING IN AFTER YOUS.

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE CURTAIN, MASK.

YOU CAN'T STOP ME.

I'M THE MOTHER OF ALL MOTHERBOARDS.

COMPUTE YOUR PRAYERS, PAL, BECAUSE I'VE GOT...

NO!

ANYTHING BUT THE V CHIP.

I'M CRASHING!

SOMEBODY GIVE ME A REAL CHALLENGE.

I HAD TO ASK.

YEE HAW, RIDE 'EM COWBOY, WOO HA!

ALL RIGHT, DOOMS DAY DEVICE, YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR...

HANDYMAN.

HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.

NO BATTER, NO BATTER.

PHEW!

ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE... PAIR OF GLOVES?

NO, PAIR OF PANTS?

NO, PARACHUTE?

YES.

AH!

SSSMOKIN'!

OW, OW, HOT FOOT, OW!

YEAH, I KNOW HE TRIED TO WASTE ME

AND I SHOULD PROBABLY LET HIM FRY,

BUT, THIS IS A KIDS' SHOW, AFTER ALL.

WHAT HAPPENED, BUTTKISS?

IT'S IPKISS, ACTUALLY.

OKAY, THE, UM, THE ALIENS...

THERE WERE ALIENS AND THEY WERE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE SHIP

AND YOU SAVED US.

WELL, UH, OF COURSE I DID, BECAUSE HERO IS MY MIDDLE NAME.

DON'T STEP IN MY LIMELIGHT, IT SICKENS ME.

YAY!

A SHIP ISN'T BUILT THAT I CAN'T SAFELY BRING HOME.

EXCELLENT PILOTING, SON.

THANK YOU, GENERAL... IT WASN'T EASY.

ESPECIALLY AFTER FENDING OFF THOSE ALIENS.

ALIENS?

BUTTKISS WILL FILL YOU IN ON THE EXACT DETAILS.

THEIR LEADER WAS A STRANGE GREEN MAN.

HEY, WHERE'S MY MEDAL?

HUMANS ARE STUPID.

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.

THANK GOODNESS WE WIPED THEM OUT.

YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

STUPID HUMANS.

HMM, THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.

THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN, THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.

THAT'S RIGHT, BUCKO, THERE'S JUST ONE BIG GREEN GUY!

AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!

IT'S GREEN, IT'S GREEN!

UH, HOUSTON, HE HAS A PROBLEM.

♪