Original subtitles

[theme music]

♪ I gotcha with my winnin' smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau Deco Roman Greco Rococo Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop hip-hop flip-flop ♪

♪ Somebody stop me ♪

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

♪ Don't come a dime a dozen ♪

♪ I stand out of the crowd ♪

♪ Babe when they made me ♪

♪ Yeah they broke the mold ♪

♪ Wholesome and kind staid and refined ♪

♪ Totally out of my mind ♪

♪ Arch-villains and never-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

♪ Green goes with anything if they ask see ♪

♪ Well there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

♪ Open up wide and really shout ♪

♪ Oh-h-h look out ♪

♪ This is The Mask ♪♪

Smokin'!

[instrumental music]

[bells ringing]

Charlie.

Charlie.

I don't want to be Santa.

Ease up, Stanley Claus, it's almost Christmas Eve.

Where is your Christmas spirit?

It got frost bite over an hour ago.

Look, Charlie, my beard is starting to ice...

Hang in there, my man.

Only, uh, three more hours to closing.

♪ Ho ho ho our home loan rates are low low low ♪

♪ Ho ho ho.. ♪♪

Well, at least I'm not the only poor slob doin' this.

Hey, ha ha ha, ho ho ho!

How are you doin'?

Is this the pits or what?

I-I-I mean, unless you like

this sort of the Ch-Christmas thing.

Which many people do. You, you being one of..

Crash

[gasps]

I'm gone.

[Dak] 'Dudes, cheap shot!'

We saw that bank first, we're gonna rob it.

Yeah, and he stole our Santa suit idea.

Thud thud thud.

Oh, what's he gonna do, Dak?

Don't know, Eddie.

Whizz

plat.

Alright, dude, prepare to submit to my feet.

And mine also.

We're the Terrible-Two, me and him.

You fellows aren't robbing this bank.

- Are you? - This is unbelievable.

Yeah? We're robbing it. What are you gonna do about it?

I'll uncinch my belt.

Which is the only thing keeping me

from inflating so large.

I'd blow this block sky-high

for I am Kablamus, "The Exploding Man."

- Dak. - Eddie..

He's got better powers than me.

[male #1] 'Out is the way, caballeros'

I am Don Julovit

the greatest bandit in all of Lisbon.

And I have travelled far to rob estebanko.

Hey, you, all of you just back off.

Unless you wanna mess with the Philly Kid or somethin'.

[all shouting]

[siren blaring]

My fellow citizens, for the duration of Christmas

I'm pronouncing Edge City a Santa-free zone.

A severe measure, I know.

But every year it's the same thing.

Every two-bit crook, thief and mutant

abuses the holidays by robbing banks disguised as Santa.

Thus making the streets a most unfluffy place to be.

Therefore, in the name of public safety

I'm calling out a city wide dragnet to haul all the Santa's

into the jailhouse.

Help. I'm innocent.

[instrumental music]

Gee, if I'd known, I'll be spending Christmas

with Walter, I would've got him something.

[sniffs] It stinks in here!

[Santa] 'I smell it too.'

It's the stench of a stupefyingly

inapt bureaucracy called... jail.

Thank you.

Locked up like some two-bit grift

around the one night of the year every kid in the world

is waiting for my deliveries.

These people are such pests.

Oh, you must work for the post office?

Hi, Stanley Ipkiss, new accounts.

I suppose working in a bank

gives you license to dress like me.

And at least you're not a fish.

Hey!

Right! I'm talking to a guy who thinks he's Santa Claus.

A skeptic, eh?

Well, just you take a look here, little mister?

'Here you see there is the misses, my elves'

'and my North Pole Sleigh license.'

And I can assure you that that's one

doozy of a driving test.

Have you ever tried getting eight reindeer

to parallel park it's... absurd.

Ipkiss, Stanley, you're free to go.

Well!

Nice talking to you, uh, Santa.

Let me out of here.

Now, just wait a minute, you may or may not believe

I'm Santa Claus and frankly I don't care.

But there's a lot of children

who're going to be very disappointed tomorrow morning.

Right. Right, yes, sir.

But, you see, that's really none of my.. Guard!

If only someone could fill in for me.

Somebody pure of heart.

Pure is good, I really..

[Santa] 'Somebody noble.'

'Heroic! Somebody about to leave this cell.'

Oh! You mean like me?

Well, no.

But you're certainly the front-runner in this room.

Okay. You gotta help me here, man.

There, there, there is no such thing as Santa.

He, he's just a legend, right?

Maybe you oughta ask them.

[comical music]

Santa's in jail. Isn't he, daddy?

I saw it on TV.

Well, I, uh.. No, there he is, Tim!

Lookie!

Oh, ah-ah ah, yo ho ho.

That's not Santa, daddy.

That's just some jerk.

Oh, come on, son, let's go.

Jerk!

[Santa] There's a lot of children

who're going to be very disappointed tomorrow morning.

Jerk.

Oh, whether I believe in Santa or not

I am not gonna go down in history

as the jerk who could've saved Christmas.

And besides, I already got the suit.

That's a good start, right?

Oh, now, I just gotta figure out

a high speed delivery system that'll service, oh

I don't know, about a gazillion kids before tomorrow morning.

[comical music]

Grrr grrrr [whimpering]

No, no. I know, I know. But don't worry, buddy.

It's for a good cause.

Santa's in the hoosegow.

I've got to bring the children of the world their gifts.

[zapping]

On Rudolph, on Prancer, on Mason and Dixen.

On Mo, Larry, Curly, and Reagan and Nixon.

[Milo growling]

Ho, there, Rudolph!

[Milo panting]

Ha! I'm a liberated Santa.

Creak creak creak.

- Santa? - No, the Tooth Fairy.

Thud I'm just kiddin', kiddo.

So, tell me..

What do you want for Christmas?

Uh, I already told you

when I sat on your lap at the department store.

You did?

Don't you remember, Santa?

Well, of co-o-ourse.

Refresh my memory.

I asked for a rocking horse.

Is that a problem?

Well, come on, do I look like a cut-rate Santa to you?

Think about it. Rocking horses are kids stuff.

Well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a kid!

What you need is the real thing!

[neighing]

[laughing]

A horsey!

A race horsey.

Put 20 bucks on his nose to win in the third race

at Aqueduct next Sunday.

And Santa will be back for his winnings!

We'll split 50-50.

[whirring]

Clang

vroom Well, what have we here?

Another fat joker in a red suit breaking and entering.

Lieutenant.

We prefer to call ourselves anatomically enhanced.

Pleasantly plump, big boned whatever.

Last I heard this town was a Santa-free zone.

Which means jolly boy there, is breakin' the law.

'This is the Edge City police.' You are under arrest.'

Under-dressed?

Call me whacky, but I think I'm with the whole nine yards

including accessories.

'I repeat. You're under arrest.'

Okay, I'm with you. Okay, fine, fine, fine.

You see that is different.

'So I can sit on your lap and read you your rights.'

whoosh

[whistle] Giddy-up, Rudy.

[whirring]

[siren blaring]

No renegade Santa's gettin' away from me.

Lieutenant, he's flyin'.

He's really flyin'.

What if he's the real Santa?

Clank [instrumental music]

Time to soup this buggy up.

Eat my fairy dust.

Or should that be Elf dust?

Vroom Wow!

He's gotta be the real Santa.

Doyle, wake up and smell the eggnog.

Santa's are fake.

They're all fakes.

I've known that since I was five.

When I asked for Captain Choo Choo, did I get it?

'No, I did not.'

'All I got was a lousy shirt.'

Well, we asked for lots of nice presents in our letter

but have we been a good boy, It. Kellaway?

I have, Santa.

Uh. Why's your face all green?

I'll tell you why.

Because he's The Mask.

Hey!

Hey, how'd you like me to do that to your facial hair, bucko?

Ow!

[laughs]

Somebody, stop me.

[upbeat music]

Vroom

[tire screeching]

Whoosh

swoosh swoosh

[screams]

Clink

vroom Whoa!

[both shouting]

Screech

whirr Ho ho ho. Well, here you go.

Merry Christmas, sport.

And one for you.

[Doyle] A VCR.

What did you get, lieutenant?

A flannel shirt.

Yes, to match your flannel underwear.

Yuletide wedgie!

[laughing]

[grunting]

Hey, don't, don't those flannel kinds itch?

Screech.

Now to fly. Have a happy..

[cracking]

Run!

[panting] Kellaway here.

I want an all-points bulletin on a fugitive Santa heading north

outside Land Field Park.

[panting] And a very large crane.

Splash ♪ La la lala lala la ♪♪

[The Mask] 'Oh, back in the saddle again, eh, Rudy?'

Let's say we drop off a few more...

[policeman on PA] 'Alright, pull the sleigh over.'

'You're under arrest.'

Rudy, you divert him.

Swoosh

whirr.

Some diversion.

Swoosh [up-tempo music]

[panting] Some town.

You'd think they would welcome Santa.

Buzz buzz Now, that's more like it!

Whirr

swoosh

thud Good evening, Mr. Kringle.

A creature is stirring. I think it's a louse.

I've being trying to capture you for years.

[evil laugh]

Well, you probably think your abduction

has something to do with ruining Christmas

for the children of the world.

Which no doubt it will.

But that's merely an unfortunate side-effect.

For my motive has nothing to do with spoiling holidays.

Uh, but everything to do with science.

What I seek, is the power

of your magical, bottomless sack.

I want to study it.

Dissect it.

[grunts] Learn the secret of pulling a trillion toys

out of one over-sized pillow case.

[grunting]

[mumbles]

Whoosh.

Why, this sack defies all known laws of physics?

And once I master it

just imagine the things I can pull out.

- Imagine. - You?

Ah, ah, ah!

I think somebody's got

a little repressed holiday anger.

So, what the dickens shall we do about it? Hmm!

I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Remember this? You were five years old.

Dissecting kit?

Hey, come on, kid, wouldn't you rather have a toy truck?

'You didn't get your dissecting kit'

and that's when you decided to become

the twisted criminal scientific genius you are today.

Actually, it wasn't anything like that at all.

Hmph! Next up!

[The Mask] I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Thank you, little drummer boy.

Who, who are you?

The Ghost of Christmas Future.

Your future brings a gift.

A gift from The Mask.

I've already got it.

Beware!

It's not a watch!

Boom

[coughing]

I'll get you for this, Mask.

Hey! Makin' a New Year's resolution?

Crash [comical music]

swish

whirr

Rudy? Oh, Rudy!

'Rudy!'

'Milo?'

Milo!

No matter. I've got remote.

Whizz

swish [whimpering]

Smokin'!

Who said you need eight reindeer?

Well, that was an amusing digression, hmm?

Now, let's see. How many gifts have I delivered so far?

Well, not counting Doyle's VCR.

It. Kellaway's flannel shirt. It would be... one.

Good thing I've got plenty of time.

[instrumental music]

- 'Dude, you think it'll work? - 'Piece of cake.'

[Dak] 'I've been working with explosives my whole life'

'and never seen this much fire power in one container.'

Just do it!

Before our friend the fish stick asphyxiates us all.

Hey!

Let her rip!

Kaboom [indistinct chattering]

Edge City's ours for the takin'. Ow!

Well, let me see, do I give Bonnie the Bedwedding doll

or Suzie Pastor Junior home cheese world.

[alarm ringing]

[indistinct chatter]

But first..

[alarm ringing]

Oh, this is cool.

'Cause like instead of giving stuff like Santa usually does

we're takin' stuff.

[The Mask] 'And you call yourselves Santas?'

You're the sorriest bunch of sad Santa I've ever seen.

Present belly!

Blup.

Now, shake 'em like a bowl full of jelly.

Pathetic!

You all need to work on your jolliness.

Fortunately, I prepared a little number

to help you do just that, ladies.

And it goes something like this.

♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go ♪

♪ Laughing all the way ♪♪ Ha ha ha ♪

♪ Bells on bobtails ring ♪

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

♪ What fun it is to laugh and sing ♪

♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪

♪ Jingle bells jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Jingle bells jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse ♪

♪ Open sleigh ♪♪

- Excellent! - Excellent!

[speaking in Spanish]

For what do we listen to this, this..

[speaking in Spanish]

Yeah, what he say. We're crooks.

We don't have to sing and dance for nobody.

Alright! You asked for it!

You leave me no choice

but to unleash the deadliest holiday weapon ever created.

'Something so unspeakable.'

'It inevitably goes uneaten.'

Till it hardens and gets thrown away.

That's right.

Fruit cake!

It's time for the holidays.

[gibbering]

Now then..

Let us dash through the snow, one-horse.

Swoosh

vroom.

Well, I'll be..

Wow! I love fruit cake.

Shut up and book 'em, Doyle.

[helicopter whirring]

Okay, Rudolph. It's gonna take some hustle.

But give me one good reason

we can't deliver these presents tonight.

[whimpering]

[instrumental music]

That's a pretty good reason.

Alas, I failed to save Christmas

I can't bear to live with myself.

I sure hope Ipkiss

is more emotionally stable than I am.

[grunting]

One present. I delivered one present?

Milo, Milo, why did I rely on The Mask?

Oh, man, I should've known better.

Now, I am the jerk who could've saved Christmas.

[whimpering]

Woof What is it, boy?

[barking]

[laughing] Chrisbot and Spinesnapper.

Santa brought me the Mangloids. Ha ha ha!

Milo, the gifts did get delivered!

Of course.

Santa busted out of jail along with the crooks.

[instrumental music]

[church bell tolling]

Santa does exist.

Don't you see?

How else could the kids have gotten their gifts?

There is no such thing as Santa.

I know.

No, no, no. You are wrong, lieutenant, and I can prove it.

[Stanley] 'He was in this cell.'

He got free when the crooks busted out

and then he delivered all the gifts.

Yeah, do ya see?

No, Ipkiss, I don't see.

All suspects are catalogued in this book.

So, as you can see

'no such guy was ever arrested.'

But, but I..

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's Christmas morning

so I'd like to bowl a few down at Landfill Lanes.

[instrumental music]

Thud Captain Choo-Choo.

Nah! Couldn't be.

Well, Milo, I miss..

You know, kinda nice thinkin' there was a Santa Claus

but... I guess..

Swoosh [barking]

[Stanley] Let me see that, boy.

A present!

And there's a note.

[Santa] "Nice try, sport."

"But this job isn't for amateurs."

"P.S., I got this especially for you."

"Ciao, S.C."

That's odd.

Ha ha ha!

I don't think I've ever been so glad

to see a flannel shirt.

Oh, yes, Milo, there is a Santa Claus!

[barking]

[neighing]

[girl #1] 'Ooh-ee, faster..'

[theme music]

[music continues]