Original subtitles

- [creature squeaking] - There!

Get him!

Tulta Munille!

[all yelling]

Gotcha!

Yes.

Really?

- [sighs] - Ah, nerts!

Okay.

- [Dante] Lyle - What?

I'm bored. You're up.

Crawling around isn't really the Hugginson style.

[screams] What is under the Brontosaurus?

- Show no mercy! - [squeaking continues]

By the booty box!

Oh!

Ah!

Girls win! Woo!

Yeah. All right.

Finally I can join that rat race everybody's been talking about.

I think that is an expression for a 9:00-to-5:00 job, Dante.

Uh, no.

In the sewers, it's like horse racing for fancy hobos.

Finders keepers.

Now let's see what we got.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[Wyatt] What? A hamster?

Man, that thing was crazy fast for a hamster.

Who cares?

It's small. Let's flush it.

Maybe it's super fast because it ate some plutonium.

- And if it bites me... - Plutonium.

I'll become hamster man.

Or you could just get rabies.

- [chomp] - [all] Oh!

I was hoping for more of a gentle nip.

He's so scary and bitey. I love it.

I'm taking it home.

Yeah, just keep that...little nasty away from me.

Keep what away from you?

- Angie, I'm not playing with you. Stop. - This? This?

Don't play. Stop. Keep it away.

[yelling]

What, are you making pancakes for lunch today?

Nope, this is Charlie. He's my flour baby.

Yeah, I have to carry him around for 24 hours for health class.

♪ [lullaby]

[bag drops]

[both] Oh!

So you can experience the wonders of parenthood.

Uh, no. So I can experience all the wonders of getting an A.

It's amazing how much he looks like you.

- Pasty and shapeless. - Oh.

You guys have to see this.

- [Wyatt] Oh. - [squeaking]

I really hope that's a new pair of shoes.

[laughs] Well...

Forget it. I'm out.

Okay, I'll show it to the big kids.

Oh.

You gave him a makeover?

Nope, no. He did that on his own.

He gave himself a makeover?

No, he just changed.

Do you think it's a leak?

Nothing is coming up on my leak detection app.

Then what is it?

I don't know. But if we don't find out soon,

I'm gonna take it to my Dad's car wash.

And you know what happens when I take stuff there.

You get your grubby paws off his adorable little paws.

I'll just ask Max. He'll be here later.

At school?

As the face of these hallowed halls of learning,

- I am happy to present - [yawning]

the new Max Ross Computer Lab

and Youth Programming Center.

I'll cut the ribbon.

Oh!

[applause]

Whoo!

Hoo-hoo.

Man, that's gonna be a mess for somebody to clean up.

That's me.

Why do I get so excited at these events?

Hmm.

- Mm! - [grunts]

[Wyatt] You're positive it's not some sort of mutant freak

from one of your weird bioengineering experiments?

Positive.

I keep all my mutant freaks under lock and key

in my private krypto zoo.

They almost never escape.

So what is it?

I'm not sure, but...

[squealing]

It appears it might be made...

[loud squealing]

with components from my game.

You can tell what things are made of by shaking them?

- No, that was just revenge for mocking me. - [hamster groans]

The only way to tell what something's really made of

is by cutting them open with a giant sword.

Not Mr. Dimples! [gasps]

That's it.

I am done improving young minds.

[sighs]

Huh.

Not Mr. Dimples!

If it bleeds code, then it's a leak.

If it bleeds blood, then it's a tragic shame.

But at least the mystery is solved.

[grunts]

- Oh! - [growling]

Maldark lives! [laughs]

- Definitely a leak. - [yells]

[growling]

- Get him! - The baby!

- [screams] - [squeaking]

Well, I guess we know who made that thing.

- Who? - Just...

Well, Lyle, when a mommy hamster

and a daddy vampire love each other very much,

they make a baby hampire.

No.

Maldark must have created the hampire.

Maldark? You mean the evil wizard who is responsible for all these Internet leaks?

The cramp who almost destroyed us

and the entire world?

No, Maldark Cunningham who works at the roller rink.

- [sighs] - Yes, that Maldark!

Gosh, shingles and gutters, that guy is crazy!

- We gotta get out of here. - No, no.

We gotta go find the hampire,

and then we have to bard it

before school starts tomorrow.

Listen, men.

We've got 12 hours to find a giant,

probably blood-sucking hamster before it destroys my computers.

[all] Oh.

I'm not going to lie to you.

There's a good chance some of you are

gonna get your face chewed off in the process.

Those are gonna be the lucky ones.

What?

The important thing, though, is to protect my face.

That's no way to go through life--

just muscle and eyeballs.

[Dante] I'm okay with that.

Let's do this.

- Charge! - [all yell]

And why did Maldark create a leak

that was so cute and then so freaky scary?

If I were Maldark, and in a way I am since I designed him,

I would leak a creature to cozy up to my enemy,

spy on them, and report back to me.

[coughs] Harry Potter.

- Who? - [Lyle] Well, whatever it's up to

it is bad news, and somebody's got to go get it.

And by somebody, I mean definitely not me.

- [thudding] - [screams]

[all yelling]

Hey.

- Oh. - [laughs]

I wasn't making myself a candlelit dinner. [chuckling]

Okay, maybe it was a romantic dinner for one.

But I earned it, dang it.

Cleaning up all you kids' messes all day.

What are you all doing here at this hour anyway?

Uh, we're, uh-- Our, uh-- Max.

Mutant leak hunting.

[mumbling]

I think he means rodent hunting, right?

- I don't. - Shh.

Okay.

- Mouse loose. - Mm-hmm.

I'm going to get my mop.

[Dante laughs]

You're gonna need more than a mop for this mouse.

Yeah.

[all scream]

Why does every adult in this school carry a sword, man?

Public schools, man.

[laughs] Okay. Got it.

I don't think he's in there.

I know, but I should have had dinner four hours ago.

And I'm hungry, and I'm not thinking straight,

and I'm not happy.

Trust me, no one here is happy!

Free eats. Nice.

♪ [hums]

[loud crunching]

You eat like a rat.

That's it.

That's a tissue.

No, no. To catch a rat, one must eat like a rat,

one must think like a rat,

and one must...

shimmy through small spaces like a rat.

How did I get paired up with you?

Some people are just lucky, Angie.

[mutters]

[alarm beeps]

[baby crying]

Ah, man.

Feeding time again?

If I have kids, I am never going to feed them.

What are you talking about?

Look at that sack of joy, man.

Look at that cute little smile, man.

That is not a smile. It's marker.

Man, that's your son you're talking about.

Look at him.

Yeah. Okay, he's kind of cute.

All right.

You using a bottle now?

No, no, no, you gotta do that au naturel.

Let me show you the proper latching technique.

You know what, Dave? You are the kind of weird

that no matter what we see tonight,

people are going to ignore you when you try to tell them about it.

I spent a lot of time with toxic cleaning supplies.

What are you going to do?

[whimpering]

Pull it together, Lyle.

You remind me of me.

And not the "suave, rich, robot-fighting" me.

"The CIA is tunneling into my basement" me.

What?

Either get back to being a quarterback,

or we're breaking up.

Look, I can handle a troll, an ogre, okay?

And even a giant.

But any little nasty that scurries

just freaks me out.

- [hamster squeaking] - [screams]

Get away! Get away!

Oh!

My beautiful face.

I'm out of here.

Going ninja style.

Coming with, or crawling back into the box of shame?

Box of shame. I'll cover you and pray.

♪ [Asian]

Max.

Oh, no. Man down.

- Oh. - Hey, look what I found.

[sighs]

I'm going to go spread them around the school.

Okay.

[screams]

Max?

[whoosh]

Was that a happy scream or a scared scream?

I know what kind of scream this one is.

[screaming]

Now, this is what you need.

Oh, Charlie's not old enough for toys like that.

Looks like there are tiny parts he can swallow.

I like the way you're thinking, Wyatt.

But it's not a toy, and it's not for Charlie.

- Hmm? - It's for getting rid of rodents.

We in the trade call this a reverse Pied Piper.

It uses sound to drive the rodents away.

Okay. Are there any directions?

I don't know. I threw those away.

They're too bossy.

I just figured it out myself. [chuckles]

How do you think I got the rats out of the cafeteria and into the gym?

- Interesting. It uses ultrasonic frequencies. - [whoosh]

A system of switches and knobular things.

Cool. [chuckles]

- Pete? - [distant growl]

Oh, that's not good.

- And you thought this was a bad idea. - No. No!

I thought you climbing on my head to get in here was a bad idea.

- [grunting] - I know this is a bad idea.

Oh, yeah?

If it's so bad, why would I find these?

Ew. Gross. What is that?

- Hampire droppings. - Why don't you put that down?

No wonder you get pinkeye so often.

- You know, you just can't go around picking up-- - [whoosh]

They're still warm, Angie.

They're practically steaming, which means he's nearby.

Ha-ha on you.

Angie?

[high-pitched voice] Angie?

[all screaming]

- Where's Max? Where's Angie? - [whimpering]

- Gone. - And gone.

- Dave too. - Everyone's gone, man!

- And we're next! - [gasps]

[yelling]

The whole school is next!

It's almost morning.

This calls for decisive action.

- I'm gonna go hide in my locker. - No.

Let me know when that guy's big again, then I'll come out and fight.

Lyle, move over. I'm coming!

[grunting]

I'm getting outta here!

This is madness.

[sinister laughter]

[sniffing]

[sinister laughter]

[chattering]

- I don't want to die! - Okay.

- Oh! - More!

That's it. We're done for. School's about to start.

That thing is gonna scream. Then it's gonna gnaw everyone to the bone!

It's all over, Dante! Wyatt, it's all over!

[gasping]

Snap out of it! Shh.

Oh!

Ow! What did you do that for?

I don't know. Look, we got to stop with the slapping, okay?

But I haven't slapped anybody yet.

Guys, we got to do something.

We're the only ones left. Max, Angie, Dave--

they're all missing.

And possibly missing their faces.

- [whimpering] - Well, if he's eaten their faces,

- then I know where they're gonna end up. - [Lyle] Where?

- Where? - In the vents.

- It poos in the vents. - The vents, of course!

That's how it's been avoiding us.

Okay, okay. I've got a plan.

- I've got a plan too. - What?

[groans]

My plan is different.

This thing uses high-pitched sounds to scare away rodents.

We can use it to drive the hampire out of the vents.

But the only problem is Dave's the only one who knows how to work it.

- Is it on or off? - I don't know.

It only works on small rodent brains.

- [high-pitched whir] - [yells] Turn it off!

- Turn it off! - Phew.

- I think it's on. - Time to make a morning announcement.

[feedback]

- ♪ You want to test me - [yelling]

♪ You want it, fine

♪ Make it tough like you made it rhyme ♪

♪ 3:00 in the back of the school ♪

♪ I take the crowd in my drowning pool ♪

♪ You better rock to the blade of blood ♪

♪ You want to tempt me

♪ You want to wreck me

♪ You want to tempt me

[rumbling]

- [thudding] - [growling]

There!

It's headed for Max's lab!

Follow him!

[growling]

[growling continues]

[all yell]

[Lyle] Oh!

[all screaming]

[laughs]

- [growls] - [screaming]

- [whirring] - Oh!

Aahh!

- Hey! - Oh, my baby!

Whoa! [screaming]

No!

[growls]

- [growls] - Behind you!

[laughs]

- [grunts] - [groans]

[crying]

[grunting]

[giggling]

Tulta Munille!

[growls]

[all laughing]

- [Lyle] Hey! That's right! - [growling]

Never Feel's got you cornered, son!

You're not all bad now that you're big and humanish.

[roars]

- [squeaking] - [screaming]

[Lyle yelling]

- [whirring] - [yells]

- [exclaims] - [relieved sigh]

- [grunts] - What's up?

That's what I'm talking about, right there, bro.

Aww.

- Dante. - Give 'em the shoe.

Oh.

[sniffs] Ugh.

Mm. Oh!

Wh-Where am I?

And why does it smell like mushroom sauerkraut? [gags]

Ugh!

You gave me the shoe, didn't you?

Oh, man. Charlie's been hurt.

Yeah!

- The rat? - Yeah, the rat.

Uh, but we took care of him, thanks to you

and the reverse Pied Piper.

You mind telling me what I'm doing here?

- Uh-- - Uh, you passed out.

Huh. Must have been 'cause I didn't eat supper.

Mm. Yup.

Low blood sugar. It happens.

- [bell ringing] - [whimpering]

Ohh!

Charlie died saving my life.

And I lost an awesome pet.

He loved grapes and didn't like Dante.

- Yeah. - We had so much in common.

Guess that's just the price we pay

for saving Daventry Hills on a daily basis!

- What! - Well, you better be prepared to pay even more,

because Maldark has stepped up his game.

You know, after all this,

I'm kind of excited about teaching my first computer class.

- Hmm. - Ohh!

About that, Max.

My baby! Ohh!

Seriously, best-tasting baby ever!

I got to admit, though, I do feel a little guilty

enjoying the little guy so much.

Oh, eat up. Charlie would want it this way.

It's what he was born to do.

- To Charlie. - To Charlie.

Here's to you, kid.