Original subtitles

Which way does this even go?

Who bought this?

Billy's always getting weird stuff.

Well, hello, hello. How are we doing today?

Pretty good. Can I interest you in a leaf?

No, thank you.

Alright.

Yeah, wouldn't I?

I just want to get rid of some of my purses.

Purses.

Alright. Mind if I touch?

Go for it. I mean, I hope you buy them.

Alright, alright.

We'll see. I'll let you know.

How many you got here?

I got about six in there. Six.

Plus the one on your shoulder.

of all of you. Alright.

You got all the money in that one I assume too, huh?

Yeah, I am. These look quite expensive.

Yeah, all of them are kind of new.

Maybe one or two a little bit used.

Is this a frisbee?

No, those are all very expensive bags.

Alright.

I don't know what you... This isn't... Okay, alright.

Okay. Never really understood purse fashion, to be honest with you.

All right. Let's get to the bigger model. You want to sell them all?

Yes. All right.

And what makes you want to sell them? Are these last season's model or what?

I guess you could kind of say I just had a little bit of too much of a good

time.

Too much of a good time shopping?

I kind of went to Vegas.

Nobody kind of goes to Vegas.

If you go to Vegas, you're going to Vegas.

I stayed in Vegas, which my money kind of stayed in Vegas.

Oh, you got took, huh?

Got a little crazy with the gambling.

What's your game?

I'm okay at craps sometimes.

That doesn't sound like it.

Yeah, I kind of crapped out this time. Oh, yeah?

How much did you lose, if you don't mind me asking?

Like $25 ,000.

Wait, hold on now. You lost $25 ,000 at the craps table?

And you think you're decent at the game? I'm going to have to tell you, there's

a phone number I think you can call.

It's on, like, all the billboards.

I don't need a lecture.

I just need money.

All right, all right.

Hey, I mean no disrespect. Hell, I've been taken for a lot more than money out

there in Las Vegas. I call it Las Vegas because I always lose everything.

Got to do the sniff test.

Yeah, I'm sure they're all real.

Well, I'm seeing some discrepancies.

What are you talking about?

You know, there's a few things here that aren't necessarily correct.

What do you mean correct? No, I know that these are all... You forgot a pen.

it's multicolored too.

Thanks. No problem.

No, I had my man got all these purses for me.

Your who?

Well,

he's not my man now, but my ex.

Your ex, huh?

Well, now I'm interested. Tell me what happened. A newly single lady getting

of her purses.

Who just came back from Vegas. I think we're moving on the right track here.

He was my fiance.

Is that right?

Yeah.

We were pretty tight.

And I was kind of hoping it would last a lot longer than it did.

But he had a good job.

I know. That was the money he spent. These have got to be the real deal.

Ah, so he was a rich boy.

I guess you could say that.

Hey, Johnny.

You ever play Ultimate Frisbee?

No.

You guys.

She says this is a purse.

I don't get it, man.

You know more about this stuff than I do, honestly. So, yeah, come on over

and help me out. I just want to see if you are on the same page with me because

I got an idea as to... What I think is going on. So you let me know. I've given

them a pretty thorough examination.

Go ahead and have at them, man. You let me know. All right.

Hmm.

This one's pretty nice, actually.

I've seen this model before.

It's good taste.

See? Got to do the sniff test.

Oh, wait. Hold on there. I'm also seeing some stains there. Oh. Yeah.

Huh. Little depreciation going on here. Oh, come on. Really, just a tiny little

bit. I mean, you want to buy a car that's fender bent?

A little more here?

Put it back in the box.

All right. No, no, no. Don't do that. You're not even going to offer anything?

was joking. Come on. Have a sense of humoristic here, you know? Well, I'm

of. This is important to me.

This one's definitely real. Yeah.

Okay, so.

We're here. I was thinking the same thing.

It's a frisbee.

For what?

That's what I'm thinking. Same thing. No offer.

No offer. We can put that one on. Right back at you, folks.

Well, this one's also real.

All right. I was thinking the same thing.

And I got one more in mind that may be. Yeah? Yeah. You let me know. You let me

know which one of these last three.

So we're looking good on these two purses, ma 'am. By the way, I didn't get

name. I'm Jenny.

Jenny. Jenny from the block.

Are you from this block?

No. No, you're not.

All right. My name's Sean. This is Johnny.

This is from the podcast. That's Furniture Dave over there. This is not

close to being real.

See the stitching right here? The pattern is incorrect.

Unauthentic. No, I'm right. The stitching per square, the number's off.

Come on, this is basic stuff. We're guys and we know this stuff.

Everybody knows this.

All right, listen.

I'm thinking the same thing man, and I ain't even the purse guy. I think I'm

getting a little bit better Sharper than my game Yeah, right

Oh

you okay, I didn't even notice the stitching I noticed that these

back pockets here are Stitched together and they're not supposed to that's good

supposed to be a solid pocket with a zipper correct

Now, these three, I am interested in purchasing.

You got a number in mind there, Johnny?

You know, I'm thinking 600.

Total, right?

What? No, come on.

Just joking. Yeah, come on. I'm going to take it from here. I'm going to give

her a sort of offer.

Sell this guy a new furniture set.

I'm thinking that I could do about five for each.

No, are you serious? These were two grand new.

Yeah, I mean, you also told me that all six of them were real, so.

I can't.

I really can't. I mean, and I'm like, this one's got stains on it. You know

I mean?

I need that money so bad.

I mean, how much money are you talking? What do you need?

I can't do no $25 ,000.

Now, you're going to have to call some type of credit loan.

Only $32 ,000?

Jesus.

I think it's not a gambling problem. I think you've got a spending problem.

But I didn't buy these purses.

All right.

Well, there's a problem. There's a solution.

Let's meet in the middle.

Let's go ahead. Let's go back to my office and we'll, you know, maybe

some type of solution.

Your office? Why do I have to go to your office? Can't you...

I can't even think right now.

I've got these two guys back here playing musical chairs.

Look, Johnny's interested in purchasing himself a chair.

Whoa, whoa, no, ma 'am. He's just a part -time employee. My other full -time guy

is out on vacation in Barbados.

But that's neither here nor on vacation.

So for these three, I'd like to work out a deal with you.

I get inspired in my office. It's quieter.

I got my art in there that, you know, brings me centered.

You're a gambling woman. Come on, take a chance.

Roll those dice.

I mean, if you really think it would help.

Oh, I definitely think of that. I wouldn't offer you an option unless I

would help you.

All right?

Okay. All right, let's do it.

Hey, Johnny, be good.

Follow me this way, man.

All right, Jessica, right in here.

See, this here is my place to zen.

Zen in here?

That's right.

You can take a seat right there to the left.

Isn't this more comfortable?

I suppose.

I come in here to take a load off, you know?

It's quiet.

It's got the art I like. These are some of my favorite pieces.

Purses aren't really my thing, but anyways.

Yeah, it's about the purses. So we're at $1 ,800.

You need to get to $3 ,200.

What else you got? I mean, you got designer shoes, you got expensive

you only like purses?

I mean, I've got... Are these purses really yours?

Yes. Usually when girls walk in, I mean, you got a nice collection, but usually

when girls walk in, they got, you know, gaudy jewelry and designer glasses and

all this stuff. You only got purses. And you brought them in in a brown

cardboard box.

That raises a couple questions for me. You understand?

They were given to me, but my ex -fiancé

wasn't really my fiancé.

Uh -oh. Here we go.

We, uh... We had a relationship, I guess you could

call me his sugar baby.

And, um... Not sure if I'm familiar with that term.

I know Sugar Daddy.

We had sex for money.

Like, I had sex with him. He paid me.

Did you just say... Hold on now.

Alright.

Alright. I think we can arrive at that $3 ,200 much more swiftly now.

I really...

I can't, like, option off maybe my TV.

It's 50 inches.

TV? You just got done telling me you have sex for money.

I don't... I really don't want to, though. It was just a quick thing. He

thought we were getting into a relationship. I really didn't want it,

know, I was desperate. I was really desperate.

The situation is no better, but if I can get out of it without doing that, I

will. Alright, so you've got a 50 -inch TV.

What kind of TV is it?

Designer?

It's like a flat screen, though?

Yeah, and it's got 3D capabilities.

It connects to your internet.

Hmm. Alright.

Well, that's true.

Maybe it is maybe didn't give you a couple hundred bucks for that. I like I

look at all the screens in here I like I like I like TVs a lot computers Oh,

you got a game console, yeah

Oh,

yeah, it's a newer one too. Yeah, okay Something and probably add about

22, 2300 right there? With everything?

Okay.

You got anything else? Come on.

I gotta say, I'm trying to help you out.

Maybe you bought me some jewelry?

Well, of course. Jewelry, absolutely.

I mean, I'm kind of running out of options here.

You got no money? You got no cash or anything?

I got... You got no savings account?

And I've got $500 at home.

Whoa. I mean, that's a lot of money right there.

So, okay, you're at $2 ,700 right there.

Give or take.

What do you got to cover now?

$500 more bucks?

Yeah.

Hmm.

What could we do for $500?

I'm not your sugar daddy, but I could be for today.

I mean, I really, that guy was pretty old and,

you know, pretty cute.

Oh, come on now.

And he did smell bad.

Smell bad?

I mean, I haven't smelled anything from you yet. You gotta do the smell test,

man, just like with the purses.

Maybe it wouldn't be that bad. I could, maybe just for the day.

I might enjoy it.

I don't know about the whole day. I still got work to do and stuff like

But, I mean, we're going to have our fun in here and you'll make your credit

card payment or whatever you need to do.

I really do need to pay off that debt as soon as possible.

I really do need to do something about this hard -on you're giving me.

I suppose I could...

Take care of it for you. Alright, that's what I like to hear.

Alright, so we settled then. I'll be your sugar daddy for the day.

Well, how about if I just give you a blowjob for some of the money?

A blowjob?

Some of the money? What, do we want 50 bucks?

A little more than that.

That's what I'm saying. I need a little more than that.

I want to fuck. Come on now.

I mean, is there anything else?

I'm willing to have sex for money, but you're not even willing to offer that

much for... I'm giving you $500. Well, now hold on.

$500.

You get the premier gold package.

Well, why do you have a camera?

It's been on the whole time.

You're recording?

You've been on film since you walked in the pawn shop. I mean, you think I don't

have security cameras around here? Look at all my stuff.

I got tons of stuff in here.

That's how I make my money. So $500.

Suck fucking filth.

I really could use some money.

Well, I want to see you get naked first.

Get naked?

Yeah.

Here, back up in that corner for me. Move that chair. Tuck that chair in.

Back up, back up.

Am I in the whole shot now?

What's that?

Am I in the whole shot now?

Oh, look at you. What are you, a camera photographer?

No. I want to make sure you're paying money for it.

You don't worry about me.

Let's start with your, uh... I like that those are unbuttoned, but leave them on

your shorts.

Go ahead and take off your top.

Nice.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Don't jump the gun now.

I'm in charge here.

Time for the pants to come off. Turn around now.

Oh, god damn, that was sexy.

Yeah, bend over like that.

Like this?

Yes, just like that.

Fuck me.

I think that's what I'm about to do.

Oh, damn.

You ever dance?

Bend over again one more time.

God damn.

Alright.

We're going to get over here and get on your knees.

What I like to see

That's

much better Turn around

Come here a little

closer Spread spread open your legs a little

bit

Yeah, spread it for me.

Oh yeah.

Spread it from the back I'll spread it use your hands.

Oh

Ready to get on your knees Leave that bra on for now.

I like a little bit of clothes on

So much bigger than that old dude's.

Holy shit.

Get lower.

I want to see your whole face.

Here, take my pants off.

Eyes on me the whole time.

Hey now, it's not ladylike to spit.

Suck it with no hands.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, just look at him

Fuck my balls.

Oh, yeah.

Don't be afraid to go lower either.

Oh, yeah. Stay down there.

I'll go back down there

Slap that nigga in the forehead.

I've been working on my cinematic lately. Let me adjust my lighting here.

See if that doesn't halt. Look at that.

Put that fucking cock back in now.

Sorry about that. Didn't mean to kick you.

Keep it going.

Oh, man.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Son of a bitch.

Oh, yeah.

Get way up under there. Oh, there it goes.

Right about under the carriage.

Put my balls in the forehead.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Shit.

Land in your background, baby.

Keep this leg right there, right there.

Oh.

You know, that's the worst.

Oh yeah, bounce that ass on that dick.

Oh yeah, come back up, come back up. Bring those knees together more.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Shit.

from the block.

That's one way you can consolidate credit card debt.

Time's wasting.

I think that's the best way I've ever earned my money.

Alright, man. Don't get ahead of yourself.

Would you say it was worth it?

What's that?

Going to Vegas?

Losing that much money? I don't think it's worth it, personally.

But, man, again, I know when to quit.

Don't rush me. I'll take you to the locker.

What? I'm going to get locked in here if that's the case.

Want your money or not.

There you go. Come on. Follow me.