All language subtitles for 01 Team Building.en

Good morning, and happy

"my second favorite holiday after Christmas."

Development Day, every... Ooh, donuts.

Oh, that's nice, but I am cutting today,

so I will just have a yogurt.

Hmm. How am I feeling today, right?

Am I feeling sophisticated, or am I feeling nutty?

Am I feeling chocolate frosted?

Janine...

Oh, classic. Thank you.

You know me well, Mel-Mel.

Well, six years will do that to you.

Oh. Did you guys hear about the
ceiling falling in at Addington?

Mm. And that building was built after ours.

Jacob: Good thing our building's solid. Mm-hmm.

Morning, y'all. I did get finer.

We don't have to talk about it.

And thanks to whoever brought in these donuts.

I thought you did.

Now, why would I do that?

They were actually here when I came in

to get my coffee this morning. Hmm.

"Donut Worry 'Bouta Thing."

Jacob: Oh, that place is great.

Remember I brought in donuts
for the last day of school last year?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, but none of us got any

because we were all determined to clean out our classrooms

and get the hell out of here before rush hour.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter subsides ]

[ Spits ]

Mr. Johnson, um...

you cleaned out the kitchen at the end of last year, right?

Yeah.

Wait, did you say last year?

Yeah.

Nah.

[ All groan ]

Be kidding.

Guys, this year is still gonna be great.

[ Clatter, body thuds ]

[ All gasp ]

[ Grunting ]

I wasn't living here.

Ooh, donuts.

[ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ]

♪♪

Janine: A welcome back lolly.

Yay. [ Chuckles ]

Y'all know what time it is.

It's Development Day. [ Chuckles ]

Some of the, uh, "grown-ups" are dreading school starting,

but let me be the first to say
"Welcome back" with a lollipop.

Here you go. Thank you.

Melissa.

My lolly.

Barbara, you don't want a welcome back lollipop, do you?

I'd love one.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm elated to be back.

At the end of the last school year,

I really found a groove with the music class.

So I spent all summer lesson planning

and familiarizing myself with the music

that the students love these days.

I've just been re-energized.

It's a new chapter in the book of Barbara.

Can y'all come take a look at something real quick?

Like this?

I see we won't be having any fun this school year.

Somehow, the stove got all outta place.

We cannot have the hookups exposed like that.

Not my jurisdiction.

I'll have someone come check it out.

Oh, please. You don't got to call anybody.

Step aside. I got this. It just needs a little... love.

The rumors are true. I'm in love.

His name is O'Shon, and he works in tech.

You know, when we first started dating,

everybody was against us.

The district even fired me

to try to break up our relationship.

And Janine tried to keep me from getting my job back.

But in spite of it all, we... we made it through.

♪♪

In summary, I go above and beyond,

because I'm in love and O'Shon'd.

Ava, for the dozenth time,

you really shouldn't show us that stuff.

It is an HR violation.

So is your shirt.

Okay. What else?

New counselor coming... boring.

Oh!

Everyone, please welcome

our new fourth grade teacher, Dominic Clark.

[ Applause ]

Where do I know that name... I don't know.

Dominic Clark.

Did you star in that new Tyler Perry movie,

"Madea's Destination Wedding"?

No, Mrs. Howard, it's me... Dominic.

I was in your kindergarten class.

[ Gasps ] Dominic. How could I forget?

You colored everything red.

Still do.

I'm just playing. I don't do that anymore.

[ Laughter ]

It's just an honor to be your new colleague.

My new colleague...

Hi, everyone.

Teacher: Hey. How you doing?

Wow, imagine that.

My kindergarten student of nearly... whoo... 20 years ago

is my new colleague.

Which is crazy, Barbara,

because you guys look the exact same age.

Yes, we do.

This is not gonna be good.

This is a minefield, okay?

That guy is going to set Barbara back to old grumpy Barb.

Yeah, no. I am on this.

All right. Due to an increase in middle school students,

Ms. Schemmenti will no longer be teaching second grade.

She'll be moving up to teach
middle school math in homeroom.

[ All murmur ]

No, no, it's all right. I already knew.

And, you know, every app is like sports betting these days.

So I figured this is an opportunity

for me to refresh my percentages skills.

And since there aren't enough
second graders for two classes,

Ms. Teagues will now have 40 students.

I, for one, am excited to see if it will break her.

It won't.

It might.

Okay, now you're just doing crowd work.

We're gonna go finish setting up our classrooms.

Yep. Development Day over. Good job, team.

Well, did someone say team?

Who's the suit?

Oh, right. This paper skeleton is Craig.

The district sent him for some reason.

Uh, yes. Good morning, Abbott Elementary,

and welcome back.

All right!

There it is. Uh, Principal Coleman is right.

I am here for a reason.

The district thinks Abbott is a very special school,

and we wanted to make it more special

by reaffirming some core district principles

and moral guidelines...

through team building.

[ All groan ]

This is a result of their no longer trusting us

because of last year's lying.

Extortion of businesses.

Yep, and our annual tradition

of unpermitted shows and festivities.

Maybe. Yes.

So this is a punishment

couched in team-building activities?

Yes.

To show we're all one big team

and rebuild the trust between the district and Abbott

that you all shattered,

I will be leading everyone in a day

of mandatory team-building activities.

So without further ado,

let's all obligatorily scoot to the library!

- Whoo!
- I got work to do.

Oh, come on, everybody.

A few team-building games might be fun.

Oh, not games. Activities.

So, when I was in

your kindergarten class 20 years ago...

Let me stop you right there, Dominic.

Oh. Uh-oh. Here we go.

Um, hey, Dom, you should probably just...

You know, I'm trying to keep my cool...

but you got me so excited.

My former student is now my colleague.

Oh, what a blessed day to be alive!

Hey, Poindexter, whatever this is, can we hurry it up?

Some of us got real jobs to get back to.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, to start us off,

you're gonna share something people know about you

and something they don't.

So I'll start.

Uh, something people do know
about me is that I love my job.

[ All groan ]

Uh, something you don't know is that I wear a cross,

but I don't believe in God.

But He believes in you.

I'm Barbara Howard,

and one thing you all know about me is I have a very strong

and loving relationship with God and Gerald.

Oh, but one thing you don't know

is I never used the Lord's name in vain.

Mnh-mnh.

Melissa.

Sweet baby Jesus. It doesn't count 'cause it's a baby.

Melissa: Okay, so, sure.

Uh, something that you know about me

is you already know everything you need to know about me.

Something you might not know about me

is that I will smack you in the mouth.

Okay. Mr. Johnson.

Something you know about me

is I used to work at Chippendales.

Stop.

Something you don't know is I swam an entire triathlon.

Well, that's just an athlon.

Wait, why swam?

Easier than riding a kite.

Oh... I think you mean a bike.

I wouldn't know, never rode one.

That's why I swam the whole thing.

What do you mean you never rode one?

You have a Tour de France trophy in your closet.

Yeah, that's for coaching, which you'd know if you...

if you took the time to admire it.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but w-what's that smell?

Oh, I love this game. Oh. Yeah.

Uh, it smells like dead squirrel.

No, it's raccoons. It's raccoons.

Oh, no. I-I know what that smell is.

It's Morton! [ Laughs ]

It's not me. Although it does smell like gas.

I told you, a professional needs to look at that stove.

It probably is Morton's nasty
ass, but I'll go check it out.

Well, I smell a little somethin' somethin',

but nothing too crazy, right?

[ Gas hissing ]

Right?

[ Thud ]

Oh, damn.

Oh, damn!

Okay, who would like to go next?

Nobody panic, but I'ma need everybody to lead with love...

outside.

Immediately. Lovingly.

Did I mention I was in love?

Who else got something to live for?

- What?
- Let's go. Come on.

All right, so the district will have someone out here

to fix the gas leak.

But what it won't be able to fix

is the fractured moral infrastructure of this school.

Now, split up into five groups.

Each one will have a different activity

that I will walk you through.

[ All groan ]

Look, the sooner we finish this,

the sooner you'll be able to get back to your day.

All right, so what is this, some kind of metaphor about

how we need to jump-start our school year?

No, I just didn't realize how many people there would be,

and those were in my trunk.

You are welcome to come to me

with any problem or concern, big or small.

I am here to help.

She does have an office hour, though,

so you might want to, you know,

store a bunch of problems over several weeks.

But if I'm in the office, those hours are open.

In fact, let me just give you my cell.

What the heck? Just giving that sucker away for free?

What? You mad 'cause your real mom left you,

and now your fake mom is leaving you, too?

No, it's just... Barb's all happy now, which is great,

but this guy is getting the Barb
I had to work three years for.

Besides, I'm supposed to be
the recipient of her mentors hip.

You know, the up-and-comer to her veteran ways.

The Scrappy-Doo to her Scoobs.

Now he's Scrappy? I just...

Ooh. Way to go, hoopers.

A fun new wrinkle is to try with your eyes closed.

And what else is left up for grabs
in the Mystery Gang, you know?

Because Gregory's Fred and Jacob
is Velma and Melissa's Daphne.

I'm Daphne.

My God, Janine, your perception is damningly awful.

My point is, who am I at Abbott now?

Who am I?

Hey, you know, I was thinking about what you said

about the triathlon.

You really can't ride a bike?

Never had time to learn.

That is wild. You live such a full life.

I just don't know how riding a bike got skipped over.

I worked a lot as a kid.

Well, if you want, I can teach you how to ride a bike.

It's never too late to learn.

What about your group?

They're fine.

Gregory, um... which direction do I turn?

Uh, Gregory?

Middle schoolers, huh?

Surprised you didn't mention it all summer,

since, you know, I teach middle school,

and, well, we live together,
so we see each other every day.

Well, what's to mention? Kids are kids.

The only difference is the math.

I spent the summer learning to do that, so...

[ Chuckling ] Well, there's a lot more to it than math.

Okay. Preteens are very different than second graders.

Eh, not really. Just add a few years and puberty.

I talked to the older girls all the time.

Well, talking is great. Talking is fun.

But teaching... the second you become their teacher,

you become their enemy, right, Morton?

They're gonna eat you alive.

Okay, no offense, but this sounds like a you two problem.

Okay, well...

you have no idea what they're capable of.

Yeah. You want a taste?

Uh, gross, but yeah.

Do your worst.

Yeah! Craig, we finished in

what I can only imagine is record time.

Craig: Amazing. Yes!

You'll never guess what level two is.

Don't tell me. It's reverse.

It's reverse.

Yeah! Look alive, people! Reverse, reverse!

Okay, so I'm young enough to be the ingenue,

but that's been usurped.

Barbara's doing the optimistic and positive thing.

[ Laughs ]

There's not a grump on the first floor.

I could be the downstairs grump.

Now, see, if you had a better personality,

you wouldn't have to search for one.

You could use that time to find a man.

Okay, you know that I'm dating Gregory.

That's still happening?

Sorry, I haven't been able to keep up

ever since I started dating the world's only real man.

O'Shon.

Good for you. No one cares.

That was my attempt at being a grump.

I may have overshot it a bit.

All right. I got us a bike.

Okay, Mr. Johnson, get on up here.

Maybe not right now. My knees aren't feeling so good.

You know, it's actually better for your knees than walking.

Well, I forgot my baseball card to put in the spokes.

All right, come on. No excuses.

Okay. I'll even hold on until you get the hang of it.

[ Sighs ] Okay, here we go.

Yeah. There you go.

All right. There it is.

Promise not to let go.

I promise.

- Pinky promise?
- Well, I can't now.

I'm holding on to the bike.

Ow!

Look, these kids are mean.

One told me, "That's why your bitch left you, bitch."

I think you're overdoing it on the B word.

I don't think he's doing it enough.

Hey, why'd you rat out your brother and get him locked up?

What?! That never happened!

And scene. I was being a kid.

We live in a post-truth landscape,

and these kids hit below the belt.

Which is where you haven't been touched in years, snitch.

[ Gasps ] Unless you count Sweet Cheeks.

You keep my son's name out your filthy mouth.

And don't even think about talking back to them,

or you will get written up.

Every day is like an episode of "Scared Straight."

Take your shoes off!

Okay. Who are we in this scenario?

Everyone.

You still got me? Hey. I got you, I got you.

Jacob: And you have to handle all of this while teaching.

And if even one kid gets the best of you,

that could be a wrap for the period or the year.

Oh, no. Unh-unh, these kids are gonna [bleep] respect me.

Uh-uh-uh! Don't curse. They will report ya.

Yeah, I'll [bleep] report you.

He just cursed!

He can do that, you see? He's a little boy.

Actually, I'm a little girl. You ain't hard, homie!

Ok... Yeah, that's right. You ain't hard.

Just keep moving forward!

Dominic: What?! You're doing great.

Eight. Eh, seven.

What are we doing now? Rating you to your face.

Have you ever been called a one

on a day you just knew you were a 10?!

You're a one! One.

One! One.

One! Stop it! Stop!

Stop? No, no, no. D-Don't stop. Walk forward.

- There you go. You got it.
- I told you.

- Turn left.
- Left?

No, no, no! Go... Go right. Go right!

[ Thud, car alarm beeps ]

Aaaahhh!

You promised!

You promised you wouldn't let me fall!

[ Sighs ] Looks like we're gonna be here all day.

Mm-mm-mm.

New year, same old Abbott.

Mm-mm.

No, just at the top. Don't have to do it twice.

You an organ donor, Gregory? Why?

'Cause whatever I break, you're gonna donate to me.

And I like those shoulders, Gregory.

Well, today was supposed to be about building trust

and working together as a team.

And the only thing you accomplished together

is how to fail in unique ways.

Progress!

And now you get to start over and do it again.

[ All groan ]

Well, I, for one, can't stand this, right?

'Cause this guy sucks. You all suck.

And this whole day sucks. Right, guys?

Well, it may suck, but if we don't finish today,

we can always come back on the weekend.

[ All groaning ] No.

Hey, Ava. Listen, um, you know,

I was thinking about this whole grade-switch thing,

and I think it might be better

if Janine did the swap instead of me,

'cause, uh, Sweet Cheeks is afraid of heights,

so, you know, for him, it's ground floor or nothing.

Um, no. Guinea pigs are from the Andes.

They're not afraid of heights.

All right, listen, I...

A change this big, I just don't know

if I'm, like, exactly up for it.

[ Sighs ]

[ As Melissa ] "Zero problem whatsoever."

"Bring it on."

"Those kids are about to get a lesson in learning lessons,

and you can quote me on that."

That's what you said in June when I asked you about this.

There's no going back.

Here. This'll cheer you up.

That's O'Shon shirtless in Wildwood.

It is.

No, actually, it kinda helps.

It sure does. [ Chuckles ]

Good job.

Hey, Mel. So, about before.

You were totally busting my chops about

how the sixth graders act, right?

I knew it. Mr. Morton: No, we weren't.

And those were just the experiences

that I haven't repressed yet.

Morton...

Sorry.

Janine. I could really use a positive spin on my situation.

You're screwed.

You are not the two. You are the...

One. Girlfriend!

I have seen you handle challenges far more difficult

than a bunch of sixth graders.

You got this.

Thanks, Barb. I appreciate it.

Hey, you wouldn't want to take a shot at the sixth grade

this year, would ya?

[ Laughs ]

I'd rather retire.

I am so lucky to be around such a veteran like Mrs. Howard.

Duh.

She's the greatest teacher ever. Right?

I just wish I could ask her a couple more questions,

but I don't want to keep bothering her.

You think maybe I could text her later?

Oh, my God, we get it. You have her cellphone number.

What'd you want to ask her?

Ah, it's pretty basic. I just, uh...

Should I take roll as soon as class starts in the morning?

Oh, no. 10-minute grace period.

A lot of the kids take SEPTA.

It's a whole thing.

I learned the hard way in my first year.

I'm sure I'm gonna have to learn
the hard way a thousand times.

Oh, yeah, you definitely will.

And you're gonna want to scream

and contemplate your life choices.

And it's all normal.

If you have any more questions

and... and Barbara's busy, you can always just ask me.

I appreciate that.

It's what I'm here for.

Janine: That is who I am now. I don't have to be a grump.

I can be me and be a mentor.

I'm gonna put the "me" in mentor.

Me-ntor.

The teacher has become... the teacher.

I need to get out of the sun.

I just can't ride a bike, okay?

Look, they say you fall down
seven times, you stand up eight.

I gotta fall six more times?

Hey, how's it going over here?

Bad.

He's scared to get back on the bike.

Okay, well, I could help.

I'm a brand-new me. [ Chuckles ]

What do you mean? You sound the same.

Oh, you missed a whole thing.

I went through a bunch of different personalities.

Landed here. Still sound the same.

Oh, I'll tell you about it later. Okay.

But, Mr. Johnson, I know you can ride the bike

because I believe in you.

I know what to do.

Uh, everyone, stop what you're doing and come over here.

Mr. Johnson needs our help.

No, no. Please don't do that, please.

If we don't finish, you have to come in on the weekend.

You look like a guy that loves coming in on weekends.

Monday through Friday...

the best days of the week to you, huh?

No. My weekends rule.

Yeah, okay.

Janine: All right, let's go, Mr. J.

Yeah, what's the worst that could happen?

I fall over and die.

Well, that's just... fair.

Look, Mr. Johnson, if you fall,

we will catch you, I promise, okay?

All right. All right. All right, everyone.

Ready to get back up on this horse?

Riding a horse is easy. It's bikes I'm afraid of.

Hey, you got this, all right?

All right, here we go. Ready?

- Go!
- Come on, Mr. J.

- You got it.
- Come on, Mr. J.

Come on, you got it. You got it.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Yeah!

Go, Mr. J! Go, Mr. J!

I feel like we're starting to lose focus.

You all need to prove your virtuousness.

Craig?

Isn't that what we're doing right here? Huh?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, maybe this qualifies as completion of team building.

Wait, really? Yes.

Also, I have tickets to the Ren Faire this weekend,

so I'm gonna need this to count.

Okay.

Fixed the leak. Good news...

killed a bunch of mice in your walls.

Bad news... it ain't my job to get rid of 'em.

Worse news... I noticed you have HVAC issues.

What you mean, like A/C and heat and stuff?

Yep.

And you're not gonna have any of that

if you don't get a specialist in here.

You got someone to handle this?

Well, I'm sure Mr. Johnson's on top of it.

He's around here somewhere.

[ Screams ] Gregory didn't teach me how to stop!

Just use the handlebar brake!

It's a fixie. Just stop pedaling!