All language subtitles for Superstore S01E03 - Shots and Salsa.HI

[all clapping]
- All right, I like this.

When I say cloud, you say nine.
Cloud.

All: Nine.
- When I say team, you say work.

Team! Team!
All: Work. Work.

- Are we cloud one?
All: No!

- Are we cloud two?
All: No!

- Are we cloud three?
All: No!

- This chant seems a little
on the long side.

- When I first started here,
we would just

put our hands
in the middle and go, "Yay."

all:
No!

- Are we Cloud 9?

All:
Yeah!

- Yeah!

Yeah!
The customer's always right.

- And that is why.
All: Oh, yeah!

- We sing this song.
All: Oh, yeah!

- We are!

All:
Cloud 9.

We are Cloud 9.

[all whispering]
Eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one!

[all yell]
Blast off!

[all cheering]

- Now give me a "C"!

All:
C!

[upbeat music]

♪

- Before we open,
I need a volunteer

to hand out samples of the new

Cloud 9 brand salsa,
Señor Cloud.

- Yes, right here.
I'll do it.

- Yes, perfect, and I don't mean

just because you're Mexican.

- I'm actually Filipino.

- Okay, let's consider
all our options.

Um, Amy, I've got a feeling
this is right up your alley.

- Because I'm Latina?

- No, it has nothing
to do with race.

You just have a certain
natural spiciness.

- [chuckles] No.

- Okay, you know, fine,
I'll just, uh,

pick someone at random.

Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.

Jesus saved us long ago.

Don't believe me, what a shame.

Judgment day
you'll be in flames.

- The other Latina?
- What?

- I could do it.

- [laughs] That'd be hilarious.

You should dress like a matador.

- Honestly, it's fine.

It beats a day of
dressing room duty.

- Thank you.
Think fast!

Mexico hat!

- Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,

be sure to stop by grocery

for a free sample
of Señor Cloud salsa.

And in pharmacy,
get yourself a flu shot,

available in medium, mild,
ay-yi-yi picante,

and I'm almost positive
that was written down wrong.

[in thick accent]
- Yes, Señor Cloud salsa

is very good for parties.

- And there are so many flavors.

- She is from Kansas City.

Why is she talking
like Speedy Gonzales?

I should say something to her.

Do not get involved in things
that don't concern you.

People here are quicksand.
They will suck you in.

- So you're saying
never help anyone?

- I'm saying don't help
anyone in this store.

Within these walls,
helping is quicksand.

- You know, it's funny
that you mention walls.

Because that summer that I spent
doing Habitat for Humanity,

I was literally building...
[both groan]

What?
- You know,

you find ways to work that
into conversation a lot.

- Mm-hmm.

- I try not to say words
like "hammer"

or "roof" when I'm around you.

- One time you got there
from Hugh Laurie.

- Look, my point is, there are
people who do nothing

and there are people
who do something,

and I am one of those people.

- Hmm.

- The... the something group.

Excuse me.

Sir, is there something
I can help you with?

- Really? Uh, wow, yes,

uh, thank you so much.

Oh, that's great.

So, uh, just stack 'em
in the pharmacy,

and then there's gonna be
a few more loads in the trucks.

- Oh, there's more?
- Oh, so many more.

- Okay.
- Guess I'm gonna grab a coffee.

All right.

- Have to have the salsa.

Sometimes I like the tomatillo

with the quesadilla,
but not all the time.

- I'm gonna say something.
- Don't do it.

- Now, just walk me
through some of the features

on some of these guys.

'Cause a lot of 'em are saying
they do plaque control.

My concern,
specifically, is tartar.

- Okay, well, um...

- I'm a bit of a tartar guy.

Yeah, my hygienist told me

she'd never seen someone
with so much tartar.

I thought that was a good thing.

Um, it's not.

[exhales deeply]

- Oh.

- You know, you and me,
we're the same.

Mm-hmm. Overachievers.

- [chuckles] Yeah.
- Yeah, am I tough?

Uh, yeah, but I'm a pharmacist.

I have to be tough,
or people die.

They don't pay me
what they pay me to slack off.

- All right, yeah.

- It's $116,670 a year.

- Oh, wow.
- [whistles]

Yeah, so I'm doing
pretty well for myself.

- Well, listen, uh,
if you need anything else

- Great, so grab some
alcohol wipes, bandages,

and sterile gauze pads.

Bring in the first patient
and prep him.

Man, we got a long day
ahead of us.

♪ Had the time of my life

♪ Though I never felt
like this before ♪

- Hey, you know
Glenn's not allowed

to ask you to put on
that accent, right?

I mean, I know he's the manager,

but it just means
he can use the bathroom

without asking anyone.

- No, I know that.
I decided on the accent.

Oh my God, people love it.

[in thick accent]
Hola, señorita,

you want to make your day
a fiesta?

- Sure.
Thank you.

See?
- Yep, some people love it,

and, uh, and some people
might find it offensive.

- Offensive?
Like, who?

- Oh, I don't know...

maybe Latino people
who would think that

you're exploiting your heritage

and demeaning yourself.

- Okay, all right,

I don't know who
made you Latino police,

Amy, but I'm just
trying to sell salsa.

- No, I am not policing you.
- Okay, if you could keep...

- I'm merely suggesting that
maybe you don't need to resort...

- Hola, señorita!
Como estas?

- Ooh, is that Mexican ketchup?

- "Jess, es berry" good.

- You mean,
"Yes, it's very good."

- Oh, don't listen to her.

You speak the language
beautifully.

- Gracias, señorita.

You want to try
something special?

This is, cómo se dice,
pineapple.

- Okay, you know what?
Stop.

- No! You stop.

- Excuse me, miss,
but she is a normal person.

- That's exactly
what I'm saying!

- Ow! Damn it!

Mother[bleep], Amy!
[Bleep], aye!

What the [bleep]!

- See? Fake accent.
- Oh, God! [groans]

♪ Everybody's working
for the weekend ♪

- This is what you get
when you've got weak joints.

That's why I have a dedicated
ankle day at the gym.

- I really am sorry, Carmen.

- Yeah, you should, Amy.
It was none of your business.

- Well, just to clarify,

uh, I feel awful
you hurt yourself.

I still stand by my comments.

- Okay, there you go.

Oh, and feel free
to take a water.

I'm an Uber driver
in my spare time.

- I'll put your stuff
in your locker for you.

- And I already
clocked out for you,

so you're not gonna get paid

for any of the time you missed.

Don't you worry about that.

- Are you sure I
can't drive her?

- No, I've been meaning
to drop by the hospital anyway.

I like staring
at the newborn babies

until someone asks me to leave.

Oh, but I do need someone

to take over
the Señor Cloud salsa stand.

Fine, I'll get somebody else.

But it's a real shame,
because that sombrero

really pops on darker skin.

- Okay, so do you
have any questions

about the hydrochlorothiazide?

- No, uh, could you also ring up

a few other things
for me, please?

- Sure, yeah.

I have a doctorate in pharmacy,

so this is a great use
of my time.

I live to serve.
- Thank you.

Bernice, he said it's fine.

- Oh, God.
[mutters]

[sighs]
One moment.

Hey, J-dog,
I have to, uh,

go do some tranquility lunges,

so could you give that guy
his shot for me?

- Oh, no, I can't.
I'm not a pharmacist.

- Yeah, and I'm not a clerk,

but I guess the world's
all topsy-turvy today, isn't it?

Just think!

- I'm just basically looking
for an every day brush.

Yeah, just kind of
that workhorse,

you know, that's in
the collection.

That I can know I'm just gonna

put in the minutes with.

- [Mateo in thick accent]
Señor Cloud salsa...

- Um, I'll be right back.

I have some questions
about bristle density.

- Yes, es bueno
por Cinco de Mayo,

y quinceañeras, la biblioteca.

Hola.

- Hey, what do you think
you're doing?

- I... I am selling salsa
to support mi abuela.

My burro has run away.

- Right, uh, whatever
this is, Mateo, I...

- No Mateo.
Soy Jose!

Jose was born in
a small village near Oaxaca.

- Okay, I get it.

I get it, I get that it's fun

to play make believe,

but this is offensive.

- Oh.

Like, I am sorry.
I will "estop."

- Yes, please stop.

- I am trying to.

- I'm not kidding.

- Me neither.
It's like when I "estart"

doing the accent
I cannot "estop."

- That's an interesting tattoo.

Is that a unicorn?

- It's a horse

with a railroad spike
through his head.

- I see that now.

It's not quite
as magical, but...

- Will you just give me
the shot already?

- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

The shot which comes
out of this needle.

Okay, uh, huh.

Okay.

I think this does something.

Should I have a belt?

- It's a tiny little needle,
all right? Just do it!

- All right, uh, just,
uh, you know, breathe.

Or count to ten
or something like that.

And, uh, and away we go.

- [whimpering]

- I'm... I'm really sorry.

Drink a lot of water.

- Told you.
That's what happens

when you try to help people out.

- What is that?
What are you doing?

- That's quicksand.

I'm dating this girl.
She teaches sign language.

This is quicksand,
and this is you drowning in it.

"Oh, I'm trying to help.

I'm building houses
for poor people!"

- Excuse me.

Do you know how much
longer this is going to take?

I don't know how long
I can keep standing.

- Uh...

[inaudible]

You know what, young lady?

I'm sure there's a way that
we can help you out.

Right this way.

- Thank you!
Such a gentleman.

- Hey, why does she get to cut?

- Because white people
help their own.

[customers gasp]

- It's like I forgot
how to "espeak."

I cannot stop playing the role.

- It's not a role.
It's a stereotype.

How would you feel
if I was handing out

Asian food and I was all like,

[in heavy accent] "Oh, eh,
me grow up on a rice patty.

"Eh, pwease, it most honorable
teriyaki chicken.

Uh, so, ching-chong."

- [normal accent]
That would be messed up.

- Nice work on those
spreadsheets, Laquisha.

Racism, you hear a lot about it,

but what is it, really?

Over the next 60 minutes...

[all groaning]

- We are gonna take a journey
through time and race.

- Thanks a lot, guys.

- No matter how good
of a dancer Jerome is.

- I need help with my
toothbrush selection.

Toothbrushes.

- ♪ Boy, you really
got me going ♪

- You work here?

- Here's a riddle for you:

what do Martin Luther King,
Malcolm X,

and Nelson Mandela
all have in common?

Answer: They were all prominent
African-American leaders.

It's okay to goof around,
but you should never...

- So how long you been a racist?

- Just today. You?

- Me too.

So far it's not really
working out for me.

- Hmm.
- Because when we look

past stereotypes,
we learn to appreciate

all the colors of the cloud.

- That sounds heavenly.

- Oh, MC Cool Cloud,
you are too much.

[MC Cool Cloud giggles]

- Too much.

- I think if there is any
takeaway from today, it's this:

anyone can be a racist.
Anyone.

- Okay, yes,

I should not have done
that impression,

but I want to be clear
that I was not being racist.

I was making a comment
about racism.

- Well, yes, personally

I'm not a fan of
racist comments, so...

I was exaggerating on purpose
to make a point.

- Parody.

She was making a joke
about racism.

- Yes!

- Well, are racist jokes
okay again?

- What?

About the Jewish bird?
- You know what? Never mind.

- Ooh, fun fact.

The dude that voiced
MC Cool Cloud

committed suicide in 1994.

- That's terrible.
- That makes sense.

- We also need to remember

that helping people
just because they're white

is almost as bad
as discriminating

against them
if they're not white.

- It's exactly as bad.

- Well, he was still helping.

- I was helping that lady
because she was old,

not because she was white.

- Ageism is just as
racist as racism.

- That seems untrue.
- It is very true, Jonah.

- Okay, well, I think we can all

go back to work,
um, unless anyone

wants to file an official
complaint of racial bias?

Sandra?

- I often feel uncomfortable
in the stock room.

There's a man there, Sal,

who makes comments
about my breasts.

- Yeah, okay,
what you're talking about

is sexual harassment,

and that's a whole other video.

- Okay.

It's just that sometimes
he calls me at home.

- Yeah, we're not gonna watch
another video, Sandra.

- Okay. Sorry.

- Okay, let's get back
out there,

and, uh, let's remember,

"Color blind is"...

all:
"Color kind."

- Thank you.

Amy, could you
stick around for a second?

[Latin hip-hop plays]

♪ No mires y no hables, carnal,
lo que no debes ♪

- Try a free sample
of our new salsa, sir?

It's good.
- Nope, absolutely not.

People are not gonna
buy salsa from you

unless they think
it's authentic.

You got to add
some "indigenous-ness."

You know?

Just put a little Vergara on it.

[as Sofia Vergara]
You want to buy some salsa?

Is for charity!

Oh, Jay, thank you
for my necklace!

- No, stop it.

I'm not going to put
on a fake accent

and I'm not gonna make up
fake charities.

- The charity is real.
Yeah, check it out.

All the proceeds go to the
La Benevolencia Orphanage

in Los Nogales, Mexico.

There's a different child
on every jar.

I think it's a collect 'em all
situation.

- Well, fine, that's great.

That's a very worthy cause,

but I think my dignity
is worth a little bit more

than a few bucks for charity.

- Ah, these are all Juan S's.

I've already got that one.

Oh, score, Luisa M.!

She was born without knees,

but she loves to dance.

Must be mostly upper body stuff.

- I think this one
is good for "tar-tar."

"Tar-tar."

- Nope, it's "tartar."

Tartar, tartar, tartar, tartar.

I... it's all just
sounding like gibberish.

- But um, let me just
take a run up on it.

Um, I like my fish
with "tar-tar" sauce.

It's still weird.
- No.

This is benefitting
a very worthwhile cause.

If you like orphans
and fire-roasted peppers,

you truly couldn't make
a better purchase.

[sighs]

[in heavy accent]
Señor Cloud es muy deliciosa.

- [coughs]

- It's amazing, isn't it?

Two pills so similar
in appearance,

but one can save a life
and one can destroy it.

- Look, I think the people
are getting impatient.

- Oh, oh, would you
look at us? Huh?

Gabbing like best friends

who hang out, socially, I think.

Another box of vaccines,
and we'll get to work.

- Okay, where are
the other boxes?

- Well, no, the ones
you brought in this morning.

- Oh, those? We're done.
We went through those.

- [hyperventilates]
Okay. Yeah, okay.

Uh, don't panic,
don't panic, don't panic.

- You okay?
- Don't panic!

- [muttering]
Ah! Ah, what'd I tell you?

Don't panic, because we...
We still have one vaccine left.

What I need you to do
is go out there

and tell everyone that.
Yeah.

- Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

Do I have that?

- [whistles]
Wall to wall, brother.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah.

- Oh, gosh, that's what that is.

- It happens to the best of us.

There's celebrities
that have too much tartar.

- Okay.
- Lionel Richie.

- No.
- Yeah.

- Is it similar to what you
would eat in your village?

- Sí. Sí, sí, sí.

Es muy autentica.

[in thick accent]
It is just like the salsa

my mother would make in a bowl
made from a giant rock.

- You must have enjoyed
many fiestas growing up.

Where are you from?

- Um...

in a small village near
the banks of the Rio Grande.

All:
Ooh!

- Jose.

Gracias, Jose.

- There's two of them.

- Anybody who doesn't get a shot
today will get one tomorrow.

- I can't take another day
off of work.

- Well, ma'am...

- And it's not just me,
it's for my baby!

- I'm sorry...
- And she's all that I have left

of my husband who died
in the war fighting for America!

- Okay, no, well, all right.

We'll give you the shot,
if you just come around...

- Wait, you're gonna
give her my shot?

- Well, sir, it should
probably go to the person

who needs it the most,
don't you think?

- Uh, what about me?
I teach preschool.

- I'm an actor!
[all arguing]

- This is Eugenics!
- Who are you to play God?

- Okay, again, again, again!

To put it into perspective,

anybody who doesn't get
a vaccine today

will just have to take a short
car ride to another store,

or come back tomorrow.

- That's what the Nazis said.

[all yelling]

[Fiesta music plays]

both:
Olé!

- Yes, yes, we are so happy
you liked our dance,

but it is also important
to remember that

Latinos can be doctors,
and lawyers,

and architects.

Never mind, I'm just playing.

You should see the look
on your gringo faces.

Arriba!

- Uno mas!

[plays "La Cucaracha"]

♪

- No, Carmen, it's not
what it looks like.

♪

It's for charity!

Both:
Olé!

- Attention, shoppers,
it is 2:00.

All associates
working the morning shift,

it is time for you to leave.

[customers yelling]

- Where you going?

We're not finished here!

We are not finished!

[overlapping shouting]

- If you are leaving,

I hope you learned
that no good deed

goes unpunished, but, also,

no matter how bad a day you had,

at the end of your shift
you get to clock out

and leave the job at the door.

Anyway, this does not
pertain to most of you,

so green beans
are on sale for 89¢.

[singing in Spanish]

♪

[voice breaks]
I can't do this.

- Tough day, huh?
- Yeah.

I just needed to sit.

- Mind if I join you?

- Be my guest.

[upbeat music]

♪

- I was reading
this article about UV rays...

- Shh.

- [sighs]