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1
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:04,095
Male narrator:
The American superstore.
2
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,371
One-stop shopping
3
00:00:06,372 --> 00:00:08,640
for everything
you could ever want or need.
4
00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:10,471
Do you want to be thinner?
5
00:00:10,476 --> 00:00:12,536
Fatter?
6
00:00:12,544 --> 00:00:14,444
Happier?
7
00:00:14,445 --> 00:00:16,405
Sadder?
8
00:00:16,413 --> 00:00:19,013
Are you looking for friendship?
9
00:00:19,015 --> 00:00:21,045
Or solitude?
10
00:00:21,050 --> 00:00:23,050
Or even love?
11
00:00:23,052 --> 00:00:25,552
- That's actually
a cubic zirconia knockoff.
12
00:00:25,554 --> 00:00:27,121
It's called PlastiClear.
13
00:00:27,122 --> 00:00:28,322
- What happened to the $8 ones?
14
00:00:28,323 --> 00:00:30,090
- We're all sold out
of those, sorry.
15
00:00:30,091 --> 00:00:31,721
But this one's only $2 more.
16
00:00:31,725 --> 00:00:32,935
- I get it.
17
00:00:32,942 --> 00:00:34,159
You advertise the cheap jewelry
18
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:35,326
to get the suckers in the door,
19
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,687
then you push
the expensive stuff.
20
00:00:36,695 --> 00:00:38,425
- Well, I wouldn't
use the word "suckers,"
21
00:00:38,430 --> 00:00:39,760
or "expensive,"
22
00:00:39,764 --> 00:00:41,331
or "jewelry."
23
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:42,799
- [sighs]
24
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,416
Fine.
25
00:00:44,417 --> 00:00:46,027
I got to stand in line
for cigarettes anyhow.
26
00:00:46,036 --> 00:00:48,146
- Great.
27
00:00:48,154 --> 00:00:50,274
I hope you and your fiancée
are very happy together...
28
00:00:51,607 --> 00:00:53,537
And that you don't procreate.
29
00:00:53,542 --> 00:00:54,742
Glenn.
- Huh?
30
00:00:54,743 --> 00:00:56,477
- I'm taking
a mental-health break.
31
00:00:56,478 --> 00:00:59,278
- Okay. Have fun now.
32
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,347
Reflect.
33
00:01:01,348 --> 00:01:04,817
- Just checking over
your new hire forms.
34
00:01:04,818 --> 00:01:06,718
American citizen. Nice.
35
00:01:06,719 --> 00:01:07,719
[chuckles]
36
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:09,086
No dependents.
37
00:01:09,087 --> 00:01:10,447
Me neither,
unless you count my birds.
38
00:01:10,456 --> 00:01:11,656
[both laugh]
39
00:01:11,657 --> 00:01:13,587
It just doesn't say
anywhere on here
40
00:01:13,592 --> 00:01:16,092
if you've got a girlfriend.
41
00:01:16,094 --> 00:01:17,694
- I didn't...
Is there a space for that?
42
00:01:17,695 --> 00:01:19,075
- There's this section here:
43
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,459
"Is there anything else
we should know?"
44
00:01:20,464 --> 00:01:22,231
Some people
like to volunteer it.
45
00:01:22,232 --> 00:01:25,200
- Oh.
Um... then also no.
46
00:01:25,201 --> 00:01:27,318
- No.
- No.
47
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,437
- Okay, well, I will
just jot that down, then.
48
00:01:29,438 --> 00:01:31,138
But you are heterosexual, right?
49
00:01:31,139 --> 00:01:33,569
- Is... are you allowed
to ask that?
50
00:01:33,574 --> 00:01:35,314
- No.
51
00:01:39,479 --> 00:01:41,409
- Smart.
52
00:01:41,413 --> 00:01:43,348
We always keep the best rolls
right in the middle.
53
00:01:43,349 --> 00:01:44,915
[sighs]
54
00:01:44,916 --> 00:01:46,476
- Oh, wait. No, no, no.
Let me help you with that.
55
00:01:46,485 --> 00:01:47,575
- Oh, no, no, no.
I'm fine.
56
00:01:47,586 --> 00:01:48,586
- It's fine, I work here.
57
00:01:48,587 --> 00:01:49,687
It's, like, my...
58
00:01:49,688 --> 00:01:51,448
It's my job to help
customers, so.
59
00:01:51,456 --> 00:01:52,856
- You work here?
60
00:01:52,857 --> 00:01:54,157
Since when?
61
00:01:54,158 --> 00:01:55,318
- Since right now.
62
00:01:55,325 --> 00:01:57,485
I'm... it's actually
my first day.
63
00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:58,726
- Oh.
- I know.
64
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,327
I don't seem like
the kind of person
65
00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:02,128
who would work
in a place like this.
66
00:02:02,129 --> 00:02:03,659
- [laughs]
67
00:02:03,663 --> 00:02:05,463
Yeah, that's why
I was so surprised.
68
00:02:05,464 --> 00:02:06,764
I was like, "What?"
69
00:02:06,765 --> 00:02:08,195
- "What?"
- "Him?"
70
00:02:08,199 --> 00:02:09,866
- "What's he doing
cleaning up toilet paper?"
71
00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:11,797
- I think it's because
you just... you have this
72
00:02:11,802 --> 00:02:15,202
very intelligent, educated,
more cultured quality,
73
00:02:15,205 --> 00:02:16,195
I mean, compared to...
74
00:02:16,206 --> 00:02:18,106
- Yeah. Oh, hey.
75
00:02:18,107 --> 00:02:19,637
Look, I get that
you're complimenting me,
76
00:02:19,641 --> 00:02:21,408
but it might sound
a little condescending,
77
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,409
so, you know...
78
00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:23,910
- Oh, yeah, thanks.
79
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,411
No, I wouldn't want
to sound condescending
80
00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:26,780
in front of somebody
who works here.
81
00:02:26,781 --> 00:02:27,781
- Right.
82
00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:28,782
[laughs]
83
00:02:28,783 --> 00:02:30,150
- [moaning]
84
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,881
Hey, can I run out
for two minutes?
85
00:02:31,886 --> 00:02:33,316
This thing is kicking my bladder
86
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,550
like it owes him money.
87
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,254
- Oh, you know what,
I'm actually not in charge...
88
00:02:36,255 --> 00:02:37,885
- Yes, of course.
I'll take Carly off express.
89
00:02:37,889 --> 00:02:40,189
And Vivian can bag,
so take as long as you need.
90
00:02:40,191 --> 00:02:41,691
- Ah, thanks.
91
00:02:45,762 --> 00:02:47,229
- Little tip:
92
00:02:47,230 --> 00:02:48,830
don't let the other workers here
93
00:02:48,831 --> 00:02:50,731
know how much better
than them you are.
94
00:02:50,732 --> 00:02:51,798
They hate that.
95
00:02:51,799 --> 00:02:53,529
I don't know why, maybe because
96
00:02:53,534 --> 00:02:55,304
it sounds condescending.
97
00:02:57,237 --> 00:02:58,337
Welcome.
98
00:03:01,573 --> 00:03:02,673
- I'm...
99
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,713
No, no, no, no!
100
00:03:11,381 --> 00:03:15,350
[upbeat music]
101
00:03:15,351 --> 00:03:16,718
- All right, campers, listen up.
102
00:03:16,719 --> 00:03:18,386
I've got an important
announcement.
103
00:03:18,387 --> 00:03:21,447
This is your garden variety
generic decongestant.
104
00:03:21,456 --> 00:03:23,816
And this is crystal meth, okay?
105
00:03:23,825 --> 00:03:27,425
The tweakers use this
to make this.
106
00:03:27,428 --> 00:03:30,458
So stop selling them this,
so they can't make this.
107
00:03:30,464 --> 00:03:32,864
- That guy told me
he had a really bad cold.
108
00:03:32,866 --> 00:03:34,896
- He was buying 35 boxes,
Cheyenne.
109
00:03:34,901 --> 00:03:36,768
That should have been
a red flag, okay?
110
00:03:36,769 --> 00:03:37,769
Use your noggin.
111
00:03:37,770 --> 00:03:39,737
- Let's thank Dina
112
00:03:39,738 --> 00:03:41,468
for that helpful tip of the day.
113
00:03:41,473 --> 00:03:42,606
Thank you, Dina.
114
00:03:42,607 --> 00:03:44,107
- Am I the only one
that thinks it's weird
115
00:03:44,108 --> 00:03:45,608
that she walking around
with a bag of crystal meth?
116
00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:47,410
- Hey, listen.
117
00:03:47,411 --> 00:03:49,211
I... I think there might
have been a misunderstanding.
118
00:03:49,213 --> 00:03:51,313
I'm not an elitist, so...
119
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,715
- Oh, elitist?
What is that?
120
00:03:53,717 --> 00:03:56,177
- Like, a person
who thinks their better than...
121
00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:58,446
You know what elitist means.
122
00:03:58,454 --> 00:03:59,687
- Oh, yeah.
123
00:03:59,688 --> 00:04:01,748
They learnt that to us
in public school.
124
00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:04,586
- Anyway, I am so proud
125
00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:09,896
to welcome two new angels
to our Cloud 9 family.
126
00:04:09,897 --> 00:04:12,257
Why don't you
introduce yourselves?
127
00:04:12,266 --> 00:04:13,466
- Okay.
128
00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:14,727
Hello, everyone.
129
00:04:14,734 --> 00:04:16,968
I am Jonah.
130
00:04:16,969 --> 00:04:19,337
And I am...
I am excited to be here.
131
00:04:19,338 --> 00:04:20,868
This is gonna be fun, so...
132
00:04:20,872 --> 00:04:24,441
- My name is
Mateo Fernando Aquino Liwanag,
133
00:04:24,442 --> 00:04:26,776
and I'm here
to make something of myself.
134
00:04:26,777 --> 00:04:28,477
♪ Spread my wings ♪
135
00:04:28,478 --> 00:04:29,678
Whoo!
136
00:04:29,679 --> 00:04:31,609
See how far I can fly.
137
00:04:31,614 --> 00:04:33,881
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
138
00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:38,252
- Yeah, I, too, would like
to see how far I can fly.
139
00:04:39,786 --> 00:04:42,316
So...
140
00:04:42,321 --> 00:04:43,621
- Saved it.
- Thank you.
141
00:04:43,622 --> 00:04:46,790
- Now, I used to
end these meetings
142
00:04:46,791 --> 00:04:49,459
with some wisdom
from the Good Book.
143
00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,627
But then someone
reported me to corporate.
144
00:04:51,628 --> 00:04:53,495
- Heck yeah, I did.
145
00:04:53,496 --> 00:04:55,356
Look, I'm a Christian too,
but in these four walls,
146
00:04:55,365 --> 00:04:57,665
my bible is the employee
code of conduct.
147
00:04:57,667 --> 00:04:58,997
- We all thank you for it.
148
00:04:59,001 --> 00:05:00,631
- Yeah, you're welcome.
149
00:05:00,635 --> 00:05:01,625
- I pray for you, Dina.
150
00:05:01,636 --> 00:05:02,736
- I pray for you, too, Glenn.
151
00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:03,897
- No, I'm praying right now.
152
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,404
- I'm praying so hard.
153
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:06,565
- I'm praying harder than you.
154
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,539
I know how.
155
00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:10,508
So to welcome
our new employees...
156
00:05:10,509 --> 00:05:13,477
["Jurassic Park" theme plays]
157
00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:14,478
Welcome.
158
00:05:14,479 --> 00:05:16,609
Welcome to Cloud 9.
159
00:05:16,614 --> 00:05:18,548
- This is my jam.
160
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:21,549
["Jurassic Park" theme]
161
00:05:21,552 --> 00:05:23,686
♪ ♪
162
00:05:23,687 --> 00:05:25,487
- Hey, do we have
any kind of training?
163
00:05:25,488 --> 00:05:26,518
I've just been wandering
164
00:05:26,522 --> 00:05:27,752
from one department to another,
165
00:05:27,756 --> 00:05:29,556
trying to look
like I have purpose.
166
00:05:29,557 --> 00:05:32,287
- It works better
if you carry a box.
167
00:05:32,293 --> 00:05:33,293
There you go. See?
168
00:05:33,294 --> 00:05:34,944
You'll learn as you go.
169
00:05:34,945 --> 00:05:36,595
Look, man, only a couple
things to remember:
170
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,297
always show up on time,
don't steal,
171
00:05:39,299 --> 00:05:41,329
and stay on the floor
supervisor's good side.
172
00:05:41,334 --> 00:05:43,704
- The fl... who's
the floor supervisor?
173
00:05:46,838 --> 00:05:48,038
[sighs]
174
00:05:48,039 --> 00:05:49,809
- I got to go get another box.
175
00:05:52,042 --> 00:05:54,742
- Hey, can we...
Can we start over?
176
00:05:54,744 --> 00:05:57,044
I'm... Jonah, as you know.
177
00:05:57,046 --> 00:05:58,576
And you're Ramona.
178
00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:00,280
- Nope, that is not my name.
179
00:06:00,281 --> 00:06:02,481
I just don't like random
strangers using my name
180
00:06:02,483 --> 00:06:03,516
like we're buddies.
181
00:06:03,517 --> 00:06:05,017
- Right, like how hookers
182
00:06:05,018 --> 00:06:06,978
don't like to be
kissed on the lips.
183
00:06:06,986 --> 00:06:09,286
- Did you just compare me
to a hooker?
184
00:06:10,322 --> 00:06:11,452
- No.
185
00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:12,586
- You look bored.
186
00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:14,557
Let me help you with that.
187
00:06:14,558 --> 00:06:16,526
All electronics are
supposed to be 25% off,
188
00:06:16,527 --> 00:06:17,987
but our POS system is down.
189
00:06:17,995 --> 00:06:21,595
So you scan, hit "reassign,"
190
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,558
"enter," "override, yes,"
191
00:06:23,566 --> 00:06:26,326
"reduce 0.25,"
"enter, yes, yes."
192
00:06:26,335 --> 00:06:27,465
You are not paying attention.
193
00:06:27,469 --> 00:06:29,035
- I'm sorry. Go ahead.
194
00:06:29,036 --> 00:06:30,596
- "Confirm," "enter, yes."
Got it?
195
00:06:30,605 --> 00:06:31,595
- If I guessed your name,
196
00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:32,766
would you tell me
if I was right?
197
00:06:32,773 --> 00:06:34,973
[Cheyenne shrieks]
198
00:06:34,975 --> 00:06:36,905
- Take this.
199
00:06:36,910 --> 00:06:39,010
- Oh, it's so pretty!
200
00:06:39,012 --> 00:06:40,712
- I'll make a list.
201
00:06:41,847 --> 00:06:43,577
- Oh, excuse me, miss.
202
00:06:43,582 --> 00:06:44,965
Do you know the difference
203
00:06:44,966 --> 00:06:46,346
between a stool softener
and a laxative?
204
00:06:46,351 --> 00:06:47,551
- I'll be right with you, ma'am.
205
00:06:47,552 --> 00:06:48,852
Cheyenne, what's going on?
206
00:06:48,853 --> 00:06:51,353
- My boyfriend just
asked me to marry him.
207
00:06:51,355 --> 00:06:52,445
- I don't want it soft.
208
00:06:52,456 --> 00:06:54,786
I want it out of me.
209
00:06:54,791 --> 00:06:56,758
- You know, I hadn't
realized earlier
210
00:06:56,759 --> 00:06:58,889
that Cheyenne was the lucky girl
you'd be proposing to.
211
00:06:58,894 --> 00:07:00,327
- Yeah, well, I knocked her up,
212
00:07:00,328 --> 00:07:01,328
so my dad says I have to.
213
00:07:01,329 --> 00:07:02,329
- [squeals joyfully]
214
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:03,496
- So romantic.
215
00:07:03,497 --> 00:07:04,657
- That's how I do it, yo.
216
00:07:04,664 --> 00:07:05,797
100% love.
217
00:07:05,798 --> 00:07:07,398
- Bulking agent?
218
00:07:07,399 --> 00:07:08,629
Why would I want more bulk?
219
00:07:08,633 --> 00:07:09,666
- Ugh.
220
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:13,036
Chey, you didn't say yes,
did you?
221
00:07:13,037 --> 00:07:14,997
- Why wouldn't I say yes?
222
00:07:15,005 --> 00:07:16,365
- Um...
223
00:07:17,841 --> 00:07:19,441
Cheyenne, look at me.
224
00:07:19,442 --> 00:07:22,942
I know how easy it is
to get swept up in the...
225
00:07:22,945 --> 00:07:25,475
romance of all of... this.
226
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,047
But...
227
00:07:27,048 --> 00:07:29,716
think it through, okay?
228
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,377
Don't do something
you're gonna regret
229
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:32,845
for the rest of your life.
230
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,951
- Yeah, okay.
231
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,615
I'm gonna go sleep on it.
232
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:46,032
[a-ha's "Take On Me" playing]
233
00:07:47,499 --> 00:07:48,499
- Hey.
234
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,867
I think I got it down.
235
00:07:49,868 --> 00:07:52,536
- No offense,
but you're my competition,
236
00:07:52,537 --> 00:07:54,897
so I'm kind of actually
rooting for you to fail.
237
00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:56,206
Okay, thanks. Bye.
238
00:07:58,576 --> 00:08:00,206
- [speaking indistinctly]
239
00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:02,177
- Hey!
240
00:08:02,178 --> 00:08:04,648
I figured it out.
241
00:08:11,119 --> 00:08:13,086
- We need new shelf flags
for the end caps,
242
00:08:13,087 --> 00:08:14,787
but we should check
the DCPis first,
243
00:08:14,788 --> 00:08:15,918
because last time...
244
00:08:15,922 --> 00:08:18,256
What is happening?
245
00:08:18,257 --> 00:08:19,957
- Could it be a race riot?
246
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:23,026
It's so hard to tell
in the early stages.
247
00:08:23,027 --> 00:08:25,057
Could be the rapture,
248
00:08:25,062 --> 00:08:26,862
but then why am I still here?
249
00:08:29,498 --> 00:08:30,558
- Hey.
250
00:08:30,565 --> 00:08:32,055
I am killing it over here.
251
00:08:32,066 --> 00:08:34,696
- You're only discounting
everything 25%, right?
252
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:37,669
- Yeah, "scan, "reassign,"
"yes," "override,"
253
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:38,670
"yes," "reprice..."
254
00:08:38,671 --> 00:08:40,571
- Reduce.
- Huh?
255
00:08:40,572 --> 00:08:41,702
- Reduce 0.25.
256
00:08:41,706 --> 00:08:42,966
Reprice 0.25?
257
00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:45,040
That would change everything
to 25¢.
258
00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:48,141
[clamoring]
259
00:08:51,212 --> 00:08:53,079
Shut it down!
260
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,150
Shut it all down!
261
00:08:58,284 --> 00:09:00,251
[scanners beeping]
262
00:09:00,252 --> 00:09:03,187
- If you sign up for our
Heavenly Shoppers program today,
263
00:09:03,188 --> 00:09:05,118
you'll save 15%
off your purchase,
264
00:09:05,123 --> 00:09:07,557
which would drop
your price to 22¢.
265
00:09:07,558 --> 00:09:08,918
- Stop selling everything!
266
00:09:08,926 --> 00:09:09,926
Shut it down!
267
00:09:09,927 --> 00:09:11,087
Shut it all down!
268
00:09:11,094 --> 00:09:12,261
Sir, you need
to stay right there.
269
00:09:12,262 --> 00:09:13,962
Frank, nobody leaves!
270
00:09:13,963 --> 00:09:16,097
Ma'am!
Ma'am, I'm sorry.
271
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,958
I'm gonna need to recheck
some of these items.
272
00:09:17,966 --> 00:09:19,126
- No thank you,
buh-bye.
273
00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:20,700
- I'm sorry,
I can't just let you leave
274
00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:22,531
with a whole basket
full of 25¢ tech...
275
00:09:22,536 --> 00:09:23,816
Ow!
276
00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:25,100
- I have more where
that came from, lady!
277
00:09:25,105 --> 00:09:26,235
- Oh, I don't think so!
278
00:09:26,239 --> 00:09:27,769
[both grunting]
279
00:09:27,773 --> 00:09:29,006
- Attention, shoppers.
280
00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:30,737
Due to an employee error,
281
00:09:30,742 --> 00:09:32,676
very expensive electronics
282
00:09:32,677 --> 00:09:34,677
are pricing out at 25¢.
283
00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:36,879
This mistake is being
corrected, so...
284
00:09:36,881 --> 00:09:37,981
stock up quick!
285
00:09:37,982 --> 00:09:39,212
Go, go, go, go!
286
00:09:39,216 --> 00:09:41,816
- What I'm trying to say is,
this is not 25¢.
287
00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:43,578
- [arguing indistinctly]
288
00:09:43,586 --> 00:09:44,716
- Sir, no...
289
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:45,750
- [arguing indistinctly]
290
00:09:45,754 --> 00:09:46,954
- No two-five, no.
291
00:09:46,955 --> 00:09:49,815
- It touched my car;
it's mine!
292
00:09:49,824 --> 00:09:51,824
- That's not a thing.
- It is a thing.
293
00:09:51,826 --> 00:09:53,756
- I don't want to be "that guy,"
294
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:57,096
but if you had to compare
my performance versus Jonah...
295
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,997
- Uh, okay.
296
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,599
- Yeah, you better hurry up,
girl.
297
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,167
You better get that TV.
298
00:10:03,168 --> 00:10:05,698
- Stop, stop!
Please, I'm begging you!
299
00:10:05,703 --> 00:10:07,837
- She's very... she's...
They're very pretty, yep.
300
00:10:07,838 --> 00:10:09,738
- Ow! Frank!
301
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:10,869
- Y'all don't want to do this.
302
00:10:10,873 --> 00:10:12,106
Please!
303
00:10:12,107 --> 00:10:13,107
[gunshot]
304
00:10:13,108 --> 00:10:15,576
- Sale's over!
305
00:10:15,577 --> 00:10:18,577
- There's no need to identify
306
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,610
whoever it is
307
00:10:20,615 --> 00:10:22,745
whose fault this was.
308
00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:24,680
We can all learn a lesson here.
309
00:10:24,685 --> 00:10:26,145
- Would that lesson be
not letting Jonah
310
00:10:26,153 --> 00:10:28,053
reprice inventory in the future?
311
00:10:28,954 --> 00:10:30,721
- It might be, yes.
312
00:10:30,722 --> 00:10:33,222
All right. Punctuality.
313
00:10:33,224 --> 00:10:35,058
I do not tolerate it,
314
00:10:35,059 --> 00:10:37,589
because I do not
tolerate it in myself.
315
00:10:37,594 --> 00:10:39,094
I am an angry man,
so I get places early...
316
00:10:39,095 --> 00:10:40,955
- Hey...
317
00:10:40,963 --> 00:10:44,098
do they allow employees
to date supervisors?
318
00:10:44,099 --> 00:10:46,366
- I don't know. Why?
319
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:47,697
- Just curious.
320
00:10:47,701 --> 00:10:48,867
- Let's always remember,
321
00:10:48,868 --> 00:10:51,168
the customer is always right.
322
00:10:57,709 --> 00:11:01,179
- Hey, what's-your-name,
check it out.
323
00:11:02,345 --> 00:11:03,975
- Ah.
324
00:11:03,979 --> 00:11:05,646
I was wondering
what was taking so long
325
00:11:05,647 --> 00:11:06,947
to stack a few cans.
326
00:11:06,948 --> 00:11:09,378
- I just... I wanted
to reiterate
327
00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:11,283
how sorry I am about before.
328
00:11:11,284 --> 00:11:14,119
- And when a customer wants
a can of ginger root beer
329
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,050
and the whole thing
collapses on top of them,
330
00:11:16,055 --> 00:11:18,015
how are you gonna feel then?
331
00:11:20,358 --> 00:11:22,058
- I was just trying
to have some fun.
332
00:11:22,059 --> 00:11:24,289
- This might be a cultural
thing, but around here,
333
00:11:24,294 --> 00:11:26,361
the less screwing everything up
you do, the better.
334
00:11:26,362 --> 00:11:28,329
- You talking about the cans
or the pricing thing?
335
00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:30,060
- You see, the fact that
it's your first day
336
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,725
and there's already more
than one option
337
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,300
of things you screwed up
is not a good thing.
338
00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:35,001
- Okay, I've made some mistakes.
339
00:11:35,002 --> 00:11:36,632
I can admit that,
but that doesn't mean
340
00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:38,666
we can't have a little fun
at work, does it?
341
00:11:38,671 --> 00:11:40,071
Or try and find some
moments of beauty
342
00:11:40,072 --> 00:11:41,072
in the everyday?
343
00:11:41,073 --> 00:11:42,773
- Wait, I'm sorry.
344
00:11:42,774 --> 00:11:45,008
Did you really just use
the phrase "moments of beauty,"
345
00:11:45,009 --> 00:11:46,409
like, conversationally?
346
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,878
- Okay, yes,
that's cheesy, but...
347
00:11:48,879 --> 00:11:51,409
Do you remember
"American Beauty"?
348
00:11:51,414 --> 00:11:54,684
Even a plastic bag
can be breathtaking.
349
00:12:00,355 --> 00:12:01,645
- Wow.
350
00:12:01,656 --> 00:12:03,686
That really blew my mind.
351
00:12:03,691 --> 00:12:04,691
Like...
352
00:12:04,692 --> 00:12:05,992
[mimics explosion]
353
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,693
I have goose bumps.
354
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,764
- I felt something.
355
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:12,997
I'm Jonah.
356
00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:14,728
It's my first day.
357
00:12:17,102 --> 00:12:19,770
[carts crash lightly]
358
00:12:19,771 --> 00:12:21,938
[crashing]
359
00:12:21,939 --> 00:12:24,206
[clattering]
360
00:12:24,207 --> 00:12:26,937
- Okay. Stay still.
361
00:12:26,943 --> 00:12:28,977
- I don't usually wear eyeliner.
362
00:12:28,978 --> 00:12:30,808
Sharpie occasionally, but...
363
00:12:30,813 --> 00:12:33,948
- So tell me about
this special guy.
364
00:12:33,949 --> 00:12:35,149
- Okay.
365
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,950
Male, Caucasian,
366
00:12:36,951 --> 00:12:40,151
no discernible scars or tattoos.
367
00:12:40,154 --> 00:12:42,354
- Sounds dreamy.
368
00:12:42,356 --> 00:12:44,016
- Yeah.
369
00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:45,758
- You know, speaking of boys,
370
00:12:45,759 --> 00:12:47,689
I've got a pretty big
decision to make.
371
00:12:47,694 --> 00:12:49,127
My boyfriend, he...
372
00:12:49,128 --> 00:12:51,028
- I'm glad we could
bond like this.
373
00:12:52,296 --> 00:12:54,096
Thank you.
374
00:12:56,699 --> 00:12:57,799
- Excuse me, excuse me!
375
00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,450
Hi!
376
00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:01,101
I hung up everything
that was in the dressing rooms,
377
00:13:01,103 --> 00:13:03,137
and I organized it
by style, color, size,
378
00:13:03,138 --> 00:13:04,998
and relevance of designer.
379
00:13:05,006 --> 00:13:07,336
- Wow. Good job.
380
00:13:07,341 --> 00:13:09,008
- I enjoy hard work.
381
00:13:09,009 --> 00:13:10,269
It's just like my mom
always said:
382
00:13:10,276 --> 00:13:12,876
"If you don't work hard,
Baby Jesus will cry."
383
00:13:12,878 --> 00:13:13,938
- Okay.
384
00:13:13,945 --> 00:13:15,105
- I don't think I could be happy
385
00:13:15,112 --> 00:13:16,378
fooling around
in the parking lot
386
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,209
like the other new guy.
387
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,781
- Slow down!
This is not fair!
388
00:13:19,782 --> 00:13:22,082
You have more experience
on wheels than I do!
389
00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:24,418
- Your disability
is not my concern!
390
00:13:24,419 --> 00:13:26,419
- Seriously?
391
00:13:26,421 --> 00:13:29,256
The only thing I asked you to do
was put the carts away.
392
00:13:29,257 --> 00:13:30,317
- That's what I'm doing,
393
00:13:30,324 --> 00:13:32,992
just somewhat circuitously.
394
00:13:32,993 --> 00:13:34,893
- See you later, sucka!
395
00:13:34,894 --> 00:13:37,028
- Are you trying to get fired?
396
00:13:37,029 --> 00:13:38,289
What if Glenn sees this?
397
00:13:38,296 --> 00:13:40,356
- Coming through!
398
00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:42,231
Move!
399
00:13:42,232 --> 00:13:43,432
- That doesn't count.
400
00:13:43,433 --> 00:13:45,333
- Go, Glenn! Yeah!
401
00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:47,468
Yeah!
Yes!
402
00:13:47,469 --> 00:13:49,069
In your faces!
403
00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:50,300
Your faces!
404
00:13:50,304 --> 00:13:51,771
Ha-ha!
405
00:13:51,772 --> 00:13:53,472
- Okay. I get it.
406
00:13:53,473 --> 00:13:54,739
You're the fun guy.
407
00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:55,906
I'm the stick in the mud.
408
00:13:55,907 --> 00:13:56,937
Well, I could be fun.
409
00:13:56,941 --> 00:13:58,171
I could have fun;
let's have fun.
410
00:13:58,175 --> 00:13:59,235
- Of course you can have fun.
411
00:13:59,242 --> 00:14:00,342
- Whoo!
412
00:14:00,343 --> 00:14:03,078
We're playing at work.
413
00:14:03,079 --> 00:14:04,079
- No brakes!
414
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,080
I have no brakes!
415
00:14:05,081 --> 00:14:06,411
No... ooh!
416
00:14:11,119 --> 00:14:14,087
[Nick Gilder's
"Hot Child In The City" plays]
417
00:14:14,088 --> 00:14:16,248
♪ ♪
418
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,892
- Peace offering.
419
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:22,293
- Are those the flowers
420
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,395
that I picked up off
the floor of the garden center?
421
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:26,397
- Yes.
422
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,126
- They're beautiful
trash flowers.
423
00:14:32,269 --> 00:14:34,299
- Look, I'm sorry, okay?
424
00:14:34,304 --> 00:14:37,339
I have been having a long day.
425
00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:40,210
Ten years of long days,
actually.
426
00:14:43,178 --> 00:14:47,208
You know, I stock
these glow stars
427
00:14:47,215 --> 00:14:50,245
every single year for
the back-to-school sale.
428
00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:51,981
And then I take them down,
429
00:14:51,986 --> 00:14:54,316
and I put up
the Halloween inventory,
430
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:56,151
and then Thanksgiving
and Christmas
431
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:58,656
and Valentine's Day and Easter
432
00:14:58,658 --> 00:15:00,318
and Fourth of July,
433
00:15:00,326 --> 00:15:02,956
and then back-to-school again.
434
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:04,191
Hmm.
435
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:07,125
- That sounds
incredibly not fun.
436
00:15:07,131 --> 00:15:09,261
I see why you love it here.
437
00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:11,966
- It's a good job.
438
00:15:11,968 --> 00:15:14,498
But tomorrow is gonna be
just like today,
439
00:15:14,503 --> 00:15:16,470
and I know that
440
00:15:16,471 --> 00:15:18,439
because today
is just like yesterday.
441
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:22,040
So... sometimes...
442
00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:24,983
it's just kind of hard to find
those moments of beauty.
443
00:15:37,624 --> 00:15:39,458
- Attention, shoppers.
444
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:41,389
Even a big box store
has to close,
445
00:15:41,394 --> 00:15:43,061
and it's about that time.
446
00:15:43,062 --> 00:15:45,997
You know, when Pandora
closed her famous box,
447
00:15:45,998 --> 00:15:49,598
there was only one thing
left inside: hope.
448
00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:53,136
I wonder what will be left
inside of this box.
449
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:56,167
Could it be grace?
450
00:15:56,173 --> 00:15:57,206
I hope not.
451
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,307
If you're Grace's parents,
452
00:15:58,308 --> 00:16:01,338
please pick her up
at customer service.
453
00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:03,011
- I took the initiative
upon myself
454
00:16:03,012 --> 00:16:04,312
to reorganize the toy section
455
00:16:04,313 --> 00:16:05,946
for the convenience
of adult shoppers.
456
00:16:05,947 --> 00:16:07,377
It was just feeling
overly whimsical.
457
00:16:07,381 --> 00:16:09,381
- I want to show you
something I've been working on.
458
00:16:09,383 --> 00:16:11,150
- Oh. You were working.
Where?
459
00:16:11,151 --> 00:16:13,018
Because I've been in
every single department,
460
00:16:13,019 --> 00:16:14,449
and I haven't seen you
in a couple hours,
461
00:16:14,453 --> 00:16:16,320
unless you were in,
like, the break room maybe.
462
00:16:16,321 --> 00:16:19,421
- Everybody get down
on the ground, now!
463
00:16:19,424 --> 00:16:20,424
[woman screams]
464
00:16:20,425 --> 00:16:22,255
Get down, get down, get down!
465
00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:23,727
Touch the ground!
466
00:16:23,728 --> 00:16:25,588
Or get out!
467
00:16:25,596 --> 00:16:27,456
All right, calm down.
468
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:29,298
Do what I say,
and nobody gets hurt.
469
00:16:29,299 --> 00:16:31,015
- This is what I trained for.
470
00:16:31,016 --> 00:16:32,726
- Now, I'm gonna start
killing somebody every minute,
471
00:16:32,735 --> 00:16:35,065
unless...
472
00:16:35,070 --> 00:16:37,337
unless you agree
to marry me, Cheyenne.
473
00:16:37,338 --> 00:16:38,338
Hit it!
474
00:16:38,339 --> 00:16:39,339
- Hey, what the [bleep]?
475
00:16:39,340 --> 00:16:41,207
Oh!
476
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:44,208
[dramatic pop music playing]
477
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:49,148
♪ ♪
478
00:16:49,149 --> 00:16:56,049
- ♪ I'll say,
"Will you marry me?" ♪
479
00:16:56,055 --> 00:16:58,315
- I had nothing to do with this.
480
00:16:58,323 --> 00:17:00,557
- Yeah, I know.
481
00:17:00,558 --> 00:17:02,688
This is the fault of YouTube.
482
00:17:02,693 --> 00:17:08,063
♪ ♪
483
00:17:08,064 --> 00:17:10,064
- ♪ Heard you want
to walk down the aisle ♪
484
00:17:10,066 --> 00:17:11,226
♪ You're baby
needs a daddy ♪
485
00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:12,849
♪ We've been bangin'
for a while ♪
486
00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:14,468
♪ All right, I pay
the consequences of my actions ♪
487
00:17:14,469 --> 00:17:15,569
♪ Don't try to change me ♪
488
00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:16,770
♪ 'Cause I'm a man of actions ♪
489
00:17:16,771 --> 00:17:17,771
Yo!
490
00:17:17,772 --> 00:17:19,506
- What a show.
491
00:17:19,507 --> 00:17:21,437
- I'm calling to report
a code green in progress.
492
00:17:21,442 --> 00:17:22,442
I repeat, code green.
493
00:17:22,443 --> 00:17:23,809
- What's a code green?
494
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,178
- I faxed you a list
of codes last month!
495
00:17:25,179 --> 00:17:26,379
Hostage situation!
496
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,147
You need to get SWAT
down here right now!
497
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,778
- ♪ When all these people
gonna learn ♪
498
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,382
♪ We're gonna get burned ♪
499
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,150
♪ Just waiting for our turn ♪
500
00:17:33,151 --> 00:17:35,151
Yo, ♪BlackLivesMatter, y'all.
501
00:17:35,153 --> 00:17:36,453
[makes gunshot noise]
502
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:38,221
Okay, if you like
what you heard and saw,
503
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:40,756
I'm currently seeking
representation in all areas.
504
00:17:40,757 --> 00:17:42,257
Also, I do modeling,
505
00:17:42,258 --> 00:17:43,688
so I'm just
throwing that out there.
506
00:17:43,692 --> 00:17:46,026
All right, peace out, St. Louis.
507
00:17:46,027 --> 00:17:47,187
M-m-murr!
508
00:17:47,194 --> 00:17:49,094
- Bo.
- What?
509
00:17:49,095 --> 00:17:51,095
Oh, my bad, yo.
510
00:17:51,097 --> 00:17:52,197
[clears throat]
511
00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:56,233
Cheyenne Tyler Lee,
512
00:17:56,235 --> 00:17:58,235
will you marry me?
513
00:17:58,237 --> 00:18:01,137
Or are you gonna be,
like, a dick about it?
514
00:18:01,139 --> 00:18:03,139
- Oh, I think he's
about to shoot a hostage.
515
00:18:03,141 --> 00:18:04,811
- I'll do what I can.
- Don't do anything.
516
00:18:08,746 --> 00:18:11,576
[gentle music]
517
00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:14,050
- What is this?
518
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:22,051
♪ ♪
519
00:18:27,263 --> 00:18:28,663
- Moment of beauty?
520
00:18:38,306 --> 00:18:40,606
- To Cheyenne.
521
00:18:40,608 --> 00:18:42,388
All: Cheers!
522
00:18:42,392 --> 00:18:44,177
- May your marriage
be as sweet and colorful
523
00:18:44,178 --> 00:18:46,846
as this Cloud 9 brand
caffeinated malt beverage,
524
00:18:46,847 --> 00:18:49,447
without the recall
for killing college students.
525
00:18:49,449 --> 00:18:52,649
- Thank you, on behalf
of myself and Bo.
526
00:18:52,652 --> 00:18:53,852
[indistinct radio chatter]
527
00:18:53,853 --> 00:18:55,853
- Well, he did
make it memorable.
528
00:18:55,855 --> 00:18:57,345
I'll give him that.
529
00:18:57,356 --> 00:18:59,156
- I mean, most guys
don't even bother
530
00:18:59,157 --> 00:19:00,857
threatening to kill you
when they propose.
531
00:19:00,858 --> 00:19:02,618
- You were never
in any real danger.
532
00:19:02,626 --> 00:19:03,726
You know that, right?
533
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:06,187
- Yeah, I know.
It was a fake robbery.
534
00:19:06,196 --> 00:19:08,596
- This is a high-velocity
440-grain lead
535
00:19:08,598 --> 00:19:10,428
flat-nose projectile
with gas checks
536
00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:12,700
and a boxer-primed
brass jacket.
537
00:19:12,701 --> 00:19:14,501
If he'd come within
10 feet of you,
538
00:19:14,502 --> 00:19:16,302
you would have seen his head
explode like a watermelon.
539
00:19:16,304 --> 00:19:17,470
[mimics explosion]
540
00:19:17,471 --> 00:19:19,271
Cleanup on aisle...
541
00:19:19,272 --> 00:19:20,538
I don't even
know what aisle it is,
542
00:19:20,539 --> 00:19:22,469
'cause his brains
would be splattered
543
00:19:22,474 --> 00:19:23,441
all over the sign.
544
00:19:23,442 --> 00:19:26,309
[laughing]
545
00:19:26,310 --> 00:19:27,710
Oh, shoot.
546
00:19:27,711 --> 00:19:30,579
- You know, I wish that we
could wear jewelry at work.
547
00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:32,747
- Oh, it's so...
548
00:19:32,748 --> 00:19:34,508
sparkly.
549
00:19:34,516 --> 00:19:36,376
- You know, I thought
about what you said
550
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:39,352
about not doing something
that I might regret,
551
00:19:39,353 --> 00:19:44,322
but then, in the moment,
you know, under the stars,
552
00:19:44,323 --> 00:19:46,123
it just felt right.
553
00:19:46,124 --> 00:19:48,158
Without you,
I would have never said yes,
554
00:19:48,159 --> 00:19:49,219
so thank you.
555
00:19:49,226 --> 00:19:50,556
- Oh.
556
00:19:52,728 --> 00:19:56,197
- Well, I should go
bail out my boyfriend now.
557
00:19:56,198 --> 00:19:59,498
Or I mean bail out my fiancé!
558
00:19:59,501 --> 00:20:00,731
- Aw.
559
00:20:00,735 --> 00:20:02,735
- All right.
I got to get going.
560
00:20:02,737 --> 00:20:03,767
Good night, everyone.
561
00:20:03,771 --> 00:20:05,738
- Good night.
562
00:20:05,739 --> 00:20:08,269
- Hey, wait up.
563
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,507
Wait up.
564
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,838
Hey, I didn't mean to...
565
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:15,212
That, in there...
566
00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:16,546
I just wanted today
567
00:20:16,547 --> 00:20:18,847
to feel different
than yesterday.
568
00:20:18,849 --> 00:20:20,749
- Well, then you
completely failed,
569
00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:24,250
because that exact same thing
happened yesterday.
570
00:20:24,253 --> 00:20:26,453
- [laughs]
571
00:20:26,455 --> 00:20:29,515
- But... thank you.
572
00:20:32,527 --> 00:20:33,527
Okay.
573
00:20:33,528 --> 00:20:35,728
I really do have to get going.
574
00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:37,330
See you at work tomorrow, Jonah?
575
00:20:37,331 --> 00:20:40,599
- You certainly will... champ.
576
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,500
- [laughs]
577
00:20:43,502 --> 00:20:45,469
Amy.
578
00:20:45,470 --> 00:20:48,870
- Nice to meet you, Amy.
579
00:20:54,177 --> 00:20:55,937
- Yo, you should
come with us, man.
580
00:20:55,945 --> 00:20:58,275
We're gonna throw some mannequin
limbs in the dumpster
581
00:20:58,280 --> 00:20:59,947
and watch garbage men freak out.
582
00:20:59,948 --> 00:21:02,278
- That sounds awesome.
583
00:21:02,283 --> 00:21:04,283
- It is awesome.
584
00:21:04,285 --> 00:21:05,545
Come on.
585
00:21:05,552 --> 00:21:08,552
[uplifting music]
39337
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