All language subtitles for Kavanaugh Hegseth Patel Bar Cold Open - SNL [7N68NjL9cMA]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,850 --> 00:00:05,050 All right, all right. 2 00:00:06,130 --> 00:00:07,610 Here you are, ma 'am. 3 00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:13,990 Here you are. Here is your Washington red skin. That's a shot of Campari and 4 00:00:13,990 --> 00:00:14,990 empty potato skin. 5 00:00:15,110 --> 00:00:16,009 Thank you. 6 00:00:16,010 --> 00:00:17,170 It's the world's peace. 7 00:00:17,590 --> 00:00:18,850 Yeah, it should be any day now. 8 00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:22,090 All right. 9 00:00:22,550 --> 00:00:23,550 All right. 10 00:00:25,730 --> 00:00:26,730 He's coming. 11 00:00:27,850 --> 00:00:30,410 All right, cut it. Cut the jukebox. Cut it. 12 00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:34,290 My man. 13 00:00:37,550 --> 00:00:38,550 Drug boat. 14 00:00:41,210 --> 00:00:47,230 Secretary Hicks said, can I get you your usual? A shot of beer with a pint of 15 00:00:47,230 --> 00:00:50,770 whiskey dropped into it? That's right. A reversed Irish car bomb, yeah. 16 00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:55,870 It's just nice to have my sneaky bar here where I'm not going to run into 17 00:00:55,870 --> 00:00:56,769 from work. 18 00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:59,750 Because none of Trump's people like drinking as much as I do. 19 00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:01,170 Wrong! 20 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,780 of six Bud Lights and three shots of J -Mo. Yes! 21 00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:20,839 Come on! 22 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,500 Yep, a 6 -3 decision coming right up, Your Honor. 23 00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:28,120 Ah, pencil feet. I kind of figured I was going to find you here. 24 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,800 Oh, did I include you on a signal chat by accident? 25 00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:35,480 No, no, I just saw all the women covering their drink. 26 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,260 Oh! Oh, my! 27 00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:41,180 That could be you, too! Yeah, that's good. I like that. I like that. 28 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,220 Ah, it's just great that we share that. 29 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:46,200 Yeah, it is fun. It's fun we share that. 30 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:51,290 Hey, can I just say, we are both kicking ass right now. Right? 31 00:01:51,630 --> 00:01:54,230 Dude, can you believe I just, like, started a war? 32 00:01:55,370 --> 00:01:57,470 Can you believe I ended abortion? 33 00:01:57,790 --> 00:02:00,110 Huh? Hey, your body, my choice. 34 00:02:00,390 --> 00:02:01,390 Oh! 35 00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:03,930 You knew I'd do it! You knew I'd do it! 36 00:02:04,470 --> 00:02:07,470 Oh, how is the war going, by the way? Oh, it's totally chill. 37 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:12,310 It's, uh, it's totally chill at this point. It's like me at a DWI checkpoint. 38 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,010 It completely blew over. 39 00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:15,210 Oh. 40 00:02:15,470 --> 00:02:18,990 Really? I thought I read we were still bombing stuff. 41 00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:22,830 Oh, no. It's just like a few every now and then. We can stop whenever we want 42 00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:23,830 to. 43 00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:25,230 Oh, that's cool. Check this out. 44 00:02:26,570 --> 00:02:31,770 What is this? What have you been up to? Well, it's a new voting district that I 45 00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:32,790 approved in Tennessee. 46 00:02:33,210 --> 00:02:34,049 Oh, wow. 47 00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:38,150 Oh, wait. Actually, no. That's a field sobriety test. They told me to draw a 48 00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,150 circle. 49 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,370 Dude, you really are really close. 50 00:02:41,690 --> 00:02:44,690 Thank you, Mr. Abbott. You knew it was a shape. 51 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:48,599 Appreciate that. 52 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:52,820 Can I be honest with you, man? Sure. It's just that I worked so hard on this 53 00:02:52,820 --> 00:02:55,280 Iran war, and I'm just worried it's going to end. 54 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,439 You know? 55 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,180 It's kind of like I took a bunch of blue chew and then didn't bang anyone. 56 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,040 Like, okay, I guess I'll just watch Seinfeld bricked up. 57 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,620 Thank God we got each other, right? 58 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,680 Yeah. You know what the real war is right now? The real war? 59 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,080 It's the war against... 60 00:03:17,390 --> 00:03:18,470 Male loneliness. 61 00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:22,790 I used to have all my buddies to hang out with. 62 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,670 PJ and Toby. 63 00:03:27,470 --> 00:03:28,470 Squee. 64 00:03:29,530 --> 00:03:30,890 Gang Bang Greg. 65 00:03:32,190 --> 00:03:34,070 Dr. William Cosby. 66 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:40,430 I just wish there were more people in this administration who could really 67 00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:43,430 Does this bar take cash? 68 00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:57,330 What's up? Are we wilding out tonight or what? 69 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,910 Yeah, we always wild, K -pop demon hunter. 70 00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:06,450 Yeah, I got nothing to do tomorrow, you know, because of the... ceasefire! 71 00:04:08,130 --> 00:04:11,330 Oh, oh, guys, check this out. 72 00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:31,760 because sometimes they think I'm a kid with a fake ID. They say, oh, no adult 73 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,900 would make this face in official photos. 74 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:43,980 But seriously, we're all living the American dream. I'm the first person in 75 00:04:43,980 --> 00:04:47,720 family to go to college, party, many years after graduating. 76 00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:53,240 Hey, K -9, is that rumor true that you make everybody in the FBI take a 77 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,620 polygraph? No, I told them to make a graph. 78 00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:59,290 of everyone in the FBI who's poly. 79 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,850 My girlfriend wants to open up our relationship. 80 00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:03,009 Oh, dear. 81 00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:07,930 Come on. Yeah. She said she wants to bring other dudes into the bedroom and 82 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:09,090 me to stay in the living room. 83 00:05:09,890 --> 00:05:13,470 Hey, since we're opening up, can I tell you guys something top secret? 84 00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:16,370 Brother, everything's a secret when you're blacked out. 85 00:05:17,030 --> 00:05:18,710 Right. All right. 86 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:22,370 We're going to let Trump do a third term. Shut up! 87 00:05:27,270 --> 00:05:28,270 Yeah, it was. 88 00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:33,230 But Trump found the original Constitution, and at the end, he wrote, 89 00:05:33,470 --> 00:05:34,590 We're going to live forever! 90 00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:35,910 Whoa! Yeah! 91 00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:40,210 All right, sorry, gentlemen. It's your least favorite words in the entire 92 00:05:40,290 --> 00:05:43,870 Last call. Oh, come on! Come on! So what's it going to be? 93 00:05:44,550 --> 00:05:49,790 Well, I guess I'll drink a whiskey drink. I'll drink a vodka drink. I'll 94 00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:51,410 lager drink. I'll drink a cider drink. 7039

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