Original subtitles

Okay, let's see...

Looks like Harvard definitely has the smallest class sizes.

Okay, we've got our first entry here. It's a pro for Harvard.

Those are not the final, official pro/con lists.

What's wrong with them? The lines are crooked. The printing's sloppy.

Harvard, Princeton, Yale cannot see them like that.

They're not gonna see our pro/con lists.

What if they subpoena them? Then I'll roll them up in a ball and eat them.

Ooh, a big pro for Yale...

they have 1,100 members of the maintenance staff...

clean, clean, clean.

All these places probably have the same number.

Yale must be crowing about it for some reason.

Princeton might only have two. Two?

Yeah. You think there are two guys cleaning all of Princeton?

Write "Princeton's stinking filthy" in big letters.

I'm pretending to write it as we speak. Good morning, ladies.

May I interest you in a shirt? Kirk, are you selling your laundry again?

No, these are part of my latest moneymaking endeavor.

I'm gonna print daily t-shirts

featuring a humorous topical headline

of something I witness around town. Neat.

It's based on something a man was doing in Portland.

What was he doing? He was printing daily t-shirts

featuring a humorous topical headline of something he witnessed around town.

Is that today's? Sure is.

"Babette ate oatmeal."

Huh. Yeah.

I'm keeping it real. It's good.

Paints a picture. I can just see her eating oatmeal.

They're $14.95. How many do you want?

No solicitors, kirk. How about if I give you a cut?

How about I toss the shirts out first

so you can have something to land on? Got it.

What's with the lists?

You ready? My Rory, our Rory, stars hollow's Rory,

got into Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.

Wow. Wow.

I can't believe it.

I feel like I...

Oh. Oh.

Okay.

Well, I'm not good at hugging.

Oh, I thought it worked.

Thanks. Man, this is big, right?

Very big. What's with all the pro/con lists?

That's how we make our important decisions.

You know what it's gonna be... Harvard.

Probably. But not necessarily.

Harvard's all you've talked about for years.

Who knew she'd be wanted by everyone?

Which school teaches how to make an important life decision

without doing a stupid pro/con list?

Whichever it is, add it to the pro column.

Don't mock the sciencificity of our selection process.

I've gotta head to school. Why go anymore?

You're in college. Let's go truffle hunting.

Maybe after I graduate. Alright.

But if the good truffles are gone, don't blame me.

Bye. Bye.

I can't believe how great that is... all three.

They have good taste.

You know, Jess also... well, it's so tiny compared to this,

it's gonna sound dumb. What? Tell me.

You know how Jess works at Wal-Mart? Yes I do.

Well, it seems he was actually chosen... employee of the month.

Really?! I knew it would sound tiny.

No, Luke, that's not tiny. That's really good.

Yeah, I mean, there's probably hundreds of people

working at that branch, and they singled him out.

Yeah, it shows he can work hard and get along with people.

You should be proud. Did you tell him you're proud?

He didn't tell me about it.

I got a letter addressed to "the family of Jess mariano"

inviting me to some little ceremony they're having.

Are you going? Oh, he'd hate it if I was there.

Seeing him participate in some corporate ceremony like that,

being called upstanding and responsible.

It would kill him. Yeah, I'm going.

Good boy.

♪ If you're out on the road ♪

♪ feelin' lonely and so cold ♪

♪ all you have to do is call my name ♪

♪ and I'll be there on the next train ♪

♪ where you lead, I will follow ♪

♪ anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ if you need ♪ ♪ if you need ♪

♪ you need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ where you lead, I will follow ♪

♪ any, anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ if you need ♪ ♪ if you need ♪

♪ you need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow where you lead ♪

hey, Sookie, Sookie. Where's Sookie?

Down here.

Down where? Marco.

Polo.

Why are you down there? Papaya won't eat,

so I'm pretending to eat from her bowl so she'll copy me.

Sookie, you named the cat?

She looks like a papaya. Doesn't she?

But it's a stray. You'll get close to it,

it'll wonder off, and you'll be sad.

I'm keeping my distance. Come on, papaya.

Lap. Lap.

Alright, we're getting you up here.

Come on.

Boy, being a cat is hard on the knees.

Since when are you a cat person?

Ever since I got pregnant I've become very nurturing...

Jackson, too.

Both your bodies are changing.

Yesterday... oh, it was awful.

Jackson moved a table and just kind of nicked this spider.

He didn't see the little thing and clipped one of its legs.

It was having trouble walking. We were so upset.

Jackson made a new leg out of a paperclip

but jamming the clip into the spider killed it instantly.

Little satchmo. You named the spider "satchmo"?

After Jackson's Uncle. He'll be very touched.

Maybe if I wore ears!

What?

Papaya!

Look at mommy.

I left her a message...

oh. Is this everyone from the Edgar Allen poe society?

If you mean the "I should be sterilized

"so that my disturbing idiosyncrasies

aren't passed on to the next generation" society,

then, yes, that's them.

Hi. Welcome to the independence inn.

Thank you. We're Jim and milly hatlestad.

Okay.

I've got you right here.

Well, once again, welcome, and let me assure you

there are no human body parts buried in the floor of your room

to keep you awake tonight. Sound good?

I guess.

Room 8.

"The tell-tale heart."

That's a poe story. Didn't they get that?

The hatlestads are not with the poe society.

Why didn't you tell me? If I had thought to, I still wouldn't have.

Hi. My name is Larson. I'm checking in.

Poe society, right?

That's me. Good.

Well, welcome to the independence inn.

There will be a complimentary "cask of amontillado"

on the table in your room. And if you're expecting your friends

Dr. tarr and Professor fether, I'll send up another one.

You said you were with the poe society.

Yeah, but it's just a hobby. We're not trekkies.

No, no. I didn't mean to imply...

you're not freaks. No way. Here. Room 6.

Thank you.

You might want to stop trying to cute things up.

I hear that.

Hello, sir. Hello.

Hello, everybody.

Hope you're having a good day.

You folks know we do this every month,

a little get-together to honor our new employee of the month,

nothing fancy, just a quick "thanks" and a "way to go."

Oh, and there's 200 bucks in it.

I think that's how we got our honoree to even show up.

You know him as a trouper, our Mr. reliable.

The first time this young man sat down on that forklift,

it was like an extension of himself.

Yeah, he's not one for small talk,

but this boy's production is out of sight.

It's Jess mariano, everybody.

Would you like to say anything, Jess? Nope.

Well, that's our Jess. Give him another hand, folks.

And, uh, have a good one.

What are you doing here? I'm so proud of my boy.

Stop it. Do you have a tissue?

I think I'm gonna be emotional. I mean it. Stop... Now.

It came with cash, which is why I'm here.

Don't forget the plaque. You should hang that,

shine a spotlight over it. I gotta get back to work.

Yeah, the forklift's going, "where's the extension of me?"

Hey. Saw you jawboning with our boy there.

I'm bill borden. Luke danes. I'm Jess' Uncle.

Nice meeting you. He's doing good, huh?

Wish I had a dozen more Jesses. That's great to hear.

He works like a dog on his regular shift,

and if someone calls in sick... and they always do...

he's there even if he's already done 40 hours that week.

Wow. I am so... 40 hours? He never works 40 hours.

More like 45. Good boy, that one.

Wait. He's got school, he works for me. It can't be 40.

I can't say I sign every time card,

but I'm pretty sure it's at least that.

Maybe I'm mistaken. Yeah, maybe.

Oh, thought you might like this. Little keepsake for you.

Great. Thanks.

"Then this ebony bird,

"beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

"by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

'though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou, ' I said,

art sure no craven..."

I thought poe was downright funalicious.

He was a troubled man.

He enjoyed a little bit too much of the hmm-hmm.

Mime? You know what I meant.

Oh, mime... that reminds me.

Yale, best drama school, bar none.

Put that in the pro column. I'm not taking drama.

No, but it means you'll have the best on-campus productions.

You'll get to see the next meryl streep all goofy and 18

and doing crap like, "name an occupation."

"Plumber!"

"Name a farm tool now." "Tractor!"

"Hey, I'm a tractor doing... Plumbing."

That's what they do at the Yale drama school?

So I've heard.

That's weird.

What? Over there.

A second poe? It's like a poe story in itself.

"The case of the two poes." "The messrs poe and poe."

Oh, that's good.

Oh, hey, there's Dean. Hey, is that, uh...

That's Lindsay. Hmm.

She's ready to go to the ghetto on you.

Well, I don't have a problem with her.

She's really nice. And, you know, once...

she bought you a magnet shaped like mark twain's head?

Yes, I've heard the anecdote. Sorry.

I think she should just mellow.

I mean, you've both moved on. What's the problem?

"But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust,

spoke only that one word..."

I don't remember "the raven" being this long. It could've used editing.

Did you put drama school on the Yale pro list? Nope.

Do it or we'll forget. I don't have a pen.

Oh, jeez.

Hey, psst!

Hi, Nicole. Hi, lorelai.

How long is this thing?

Got at least five "nevermores" to go. Oh, jeez.

Do you got a pen? No.

Cough it up. I don't have a pen.

Where's the pen you take orders with?

I wasn't anticipating taking orders at the poe reading.

There goes your boy scout badge.

Uh, mom?

"Take thy beak from out my heart and take thy..."

Busted by a poe.

Hope he doesn't put a curse on us.

Or complain when he goes back to being Fred Larson, Tampa dentist.

Hey, lorelai? Hm? Oh.

You're an angel. Thanks. I'll need it back.

Yeah, sure.

Looks like Nicole's got a little Lindsay attitude going.

Not really. Really?

Hey, how many "nevermores" do you think he's got to go?

We're guessing four.

Poor Edgar Allen poe. He suffered so much.

And now we gotta suffer along with him.

"Yale drama"... got it.

Rory, why do you waste your time on those pro/con lists?

It's going to be Harvard. We all know it.

I know. If the list says it is.

Right. When you were 6 and took my cheerleading class,

you wouldn't even cheer for any other school than Harvard.

That's true. That is true.

Well, then the list will reflect it.

"And my soul from out that shadow

"that lies floating on the floor, shall be lifted...

nevermore!"

Oh, excellent. Bravo.

Bravo. Very nice!

That was wonderful, wasn't it?

Thank you very much for that rendition.

Thank you.

What's with the poes?

They look upset.

Wanna hear the scoop? Please.

I was here when they arrived. They got their signals crossed.

They were supposed to perform different things,

but they both came to do "the raven."

If the poes start fighting, does that punch a hole in the space-time continuum?

And throw us into a universe where everything is the opposite of what it is here?

There'll be funny sitcoms there.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you.

It'll allow you to compare and contrast

interpretations of poe's most famous work.

Oh, no. Compare and contrast?

That can only mean...

please enjoy this second recitation

of "the raven."

Do we bolt? Do we dare?

If I brought a flask, we could've played the "nevermore" drinking game.

Maybe this is what drove poe to the bottle. His own work.

"Once, upon a midnight dreary,

"while I pondered, weak and weary

"over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore

while I nodded, nearly napping..."

Weird vibe in here.

Very poe.

Well, that was pretty good.

You can't just complain, and then when you walk out,

you reassess based on the relief you're feeling that it's over.

I was able to compare and contrast between readings.

I was able to nap for 20 minutes.

Good evening, ladies. Oh, hi, poe.

Good job in there. I thank you.

Young miss, do correct me, but I heard tell

that you are considering attending Harvard university.

I am. I myself attended west point.

I'm embarrassed to say that I was court-martialed in 1832 and forced to leave.

Excuse me, but I was expelled from west point in 1831,

not 1832. Oh.

No. I do believe it was 1832.

It was an election year.

It was not an election year.

President Jackson was to serve five more years.

I'm sure it was '32. I'm sad to say it was the same year

my older brother William passed away.

Okay, that's not right either, Fred.

"Fred"? I don't know this "Fred" you speak of.

Oh, knock it off! I'm tired.

Will you excuse me? Yeah.

Poes are very testy people. Hmm-mm.

Got your latest topical t-shirts here, people.

Brand-new topical t-shirts for sale.

What's this one say?

"Faux poes foes." Very clever, kirk.

It was an inspiration. But they're not selling much better

than the "babette ate oatmeal" shirts.

Keep the dream, kirk. Hey, guys.

Oh, hi. Mom, this is Lindsay.

Hi. Hi.

The mark twain magnet head girl. The what?

You don't know the anecdote? You're the star.

The anecdote? It's nothing, really.

Um, it's the field trip

we took to mark twain's house in the fourth grade.

I wanted this magnet, you leant me the money, I got the magnet.

She usually tells it better.

I kind of remember.

So, uh, congratulations on Harvard.

Oh, yeah, thanks.

I got into Southern Connecticut state.

Oh, that's great! It is. That's great, Dean.

You're... you're... wow.

Yeah, thanks. I've gotta get home.

And I gotta take her. So, I'll see you guys.

See you. Bye.

So you say she was nice?

"Was," I guess, being the operative word.

So, are we going?

No, you go ahead. I'll catch up.

Okay. Make it home in time for "Charlie rose."

Billy Joel's on, and he might cry.

Okay.

So, how was Jess' employee of the month thing?

It was okay. Just okay?

There was punch. The punch wasn't good?

No, just that the manager came up afterwards when Jess was gone,

he was talking about how Jess is working 40, 45 hours a week.

What? That's full time. That's what I said.

How does he swing it? He must be pulling double shifts on the weekends.

He's pretty much duding it with Rory on the weekends.

Then he must be getting up early on weekday mornings.

Have you seen him do that? No, but I don't trail him, either.

You sleep in the same room with him.

The manager must be getting Jess confused with somebody else.

Or... Or what?

I don't wanna say.

Forget it. Say it. Go ahead.

Or he's working when he should be in school.

Impossible. No way. Why?

He knows the rules. He's gotta graduate to stay living with me.

He's going. He's getting everything done.

He's doing his work.

You've seen this work he's doing?

Not for a while, but I just know that he is.

Nope, no way he's cutting school. It's suicide. No way.

I shouldn't have brought it up. It's okay.

Okay. Goodnight.

Say, how can I have a career as a poe?

It's not a career. This is just an event that we do.

I write technical manuals for a living.

Yes, but how can I have a career as a poe?

Mom.

Mom, wake up. What?

It's Tobin at the inn. Something's wrong.

What's wrong? The fire alarm's going off.

That stupid alarm. It's always doing that.

Tell if he doesn't smell smoke to reset it,

and I'm gonna kick his ass around the lobby

for waking me up. He sounds freaked.

Here.

Tobin, what?

Oh, my God.

O-okay. Get dressed. What is it?

Get dressed, get dressed.

Let's run a full rig up there.

What's your status?

I've got the first engine laddering the roof.

First engine.

We need p.D. For traffic control. Copy that.

Hey. Lorelai, thank God.

What's going on? This is lorelai gilmore.

What's going on? In a minute, ma'am.

Mom, let him do his thing. You're right.

Sookie, Michel, is everyone out? Yes.

Are you sure? Yes, we're sure,

the fire department's sure. We did a head count.

We need to double-check, triple-check.

Julio... he doesn't start till 6:00, but sometimes he comes early

because his sister-in-law Rita gives him a ride on her way to work in Salisbury.

Oh, julio. Julio.

I'm so glad to see you, you beautiful man.

Ma'am, I'm chief Baker.

Oh, I'm sorry I jumped on you. That's okay.

The good news is this is almost out.

The structure's stable, and you're probably gonna be able to get back in

in about 24 hours. Excellent.

24 hours. The structure's stable.

Thank you. That's okay.

Your statue's going up as soon as we get back in.

80 feet tall. I'm looking forward to it.

Here we go, guys... phase 2. Loving the pace here.

We need food, we need computers with Internet, we need phones.

Michel, I need you on this stat. Hurry, hurry.

Rory, yeah.

Help the guests with kids. Make sure they're not freaked out.

Gather them up and entertain them

so the adults can catch their breath. Right.

I have never entertained kids. How do I do that?

Take your socks off and do a puppet show.

You've clearly never entertained kids either.

It's all I can think of. Get cracking. Yes, ma'am.

Hi, everybody. Good morning.

Whoa, talk about your change of plans here.

Unfortunately, you can't get your stuff out for at least a day.

However, if you want to get home immediately,

we will check planes, trains, whatever you need.

We'll send your stuff later as soon as we get it.

But if you can't get home yet,

we will provide everything short of anything illegal,

and that's gonna start with the best breakfast of your lives.

Go to the market and get food and supplies we need for breakfast.

Going.

Hey, who are you on with? The cheshire cat inn.

Oh, great. Find people places to sleep.

Excellent. Yes, my name is Michel Gerard.

I used to work at the independence inn,

and I was wondering if there were any positions available?

L...

phones, computer... I'm on it.

Morning. What? What is this?

Phase 2. Phase 2?

Into the back, guys. March!

Those guys can't go back there.

We're in luck. Lots of empty places.

What is this? We had a fire.

Where? Weston's bakery.

You're kidding! They'll have blueberries.

Perfect. Um, weston's. Hurry. Weston's caught fire?

No, the inn. Your inn?

Move all of Luke's stuff aside. We don't need it! Wait a minute.

Everyone's fine. We're into phase 2.

What is phase 2? Just shove it aside!

What are you doing? Making breakfast.

You can't make breakfast here.

Got any plates that aren't cracked?

You're the one that's cracked.

Nice thing to say to a pregnant woman.

You're pregnant? Could you be any farther behind?

Yo, Caesar, help my guys and there's a $20 in it for you.

We can't be making different stuff at the same time.

All you people who were here before we invaded,

are you willing to cancel your orders for Sookie's famous

blueberry-lemon pancakes, Belgian waffles or bananas foster?

Sure. Sounds good.

Okay. Pull Luke's stuff off the grill. Let's get cooking.

I'm an island. I'm sorry about all this,

but I'm not anticipating the inn catching fire ever again,

so it's a one-time-only thing, okay?

Like I have a choice?

You do. Say the word and we go.

Stay, cook, eat. I'll be upstairs.

You're a doll.

No, get rid of it. Dump it.

Dump it. I don't wanna see it!

Where are you going? Take out the garbage!

Nag, nag, nag. I wanna watch football and sit in my reclining chair.

Get back here! I'm gonna get you!

Hold on a second.

No, keep going. Calm down, little scooter.

I'll be right back. Shari Lewis, how's it going?

Oh, they're riveted. Good.

But I stink. I keep repeating the same stuff.

Must be working. I named them Mr. and Mrs. sock puppet.

I put no energy into this. Come back, Rory.

You'd think a puppet show would bore them to tears.

It's your narrative skills. Is he gonna take the garbage out or not?

I'm on the edge of my seat. They won't let me stop, I have get to school.

Guys, go on over to the diner

and have breakfast with your families,

and then ask the nice man

in the baseball hat to do sock puppets for you.

If he says no, ask him louder! It's part of the game!

Oh, boy! Go.

You're cruel and I love you.

Come check in at Patty's with me.

I love computers, I just know nothing about them.

What does pushing that "f3" button do?

Annoy me to no end.

What about the "f4"?

Hello, this is the independence inn

emergency headquarters.

I'm miss Patty. I'll be assisting you today.

How may I help you?

The printer will be here in half an hour?

I'll let him know. Thank you. Goodbye.

The pri... I heard,

and you've got to shorten your greeting. What?

You don't need to recite the gettysburg address every time you answer the phone.

I was Ricardo montalban's receptionist for 6 months,

and he never complained.

Who? Don't make me hit you.

You all set up here?

Computer with Internet, phones forwarded here,

printer on the way. I'm the receptionist.

And I'm learning the computer.

And I'm looking for my cyanide capsule.

Have you seen it? It's nice of you to help.

Half the poe group needs to stay another night,

we'll have to find places to accommodate them. Everything is booked.

You checked the cheshire cat, the maiden's teacup,

the cookie house, the sugar bear inn?

Every place that sounds like glinda the good witch threw up,

yes, they're all booked. We're gonna have to take people in.

Well, I can take a couple in, sweetie.

I can, too. We got cots.

O-o-ooh, we got cots.

Great. Michel? Forget it.

The poes are weird. I'd fear being killed in my sleep.

Plus, I don't like strangers using my toilet.

I bet the Kims could put people up

and Taylor and Al.

We've got our couch and my room.

Nope. What?

They can have my room. Hon, mine's fine.

Mom, mine. You're stressed out enough without losing your room.

So you need your rest, so you keep your bed.

I'll look selfish.

If anyone calls you that, I'll kick their butts.

Okay, your room under protest.

Hey, Michel, I just hit "f4" and the "num lock" key

and the one with the little apple on it,

and it's freaking out like it's on acid or something.

Oy vey.

I got it.

Yeah?

Well, you need to say more than that!

Well, make up your mind.

I've gotta go, but page me if there's any news.

You mean like if Michel kills babette,

Patty, then himself in a bizarre murder-murder-suicide pact?

Amongst other things.

We had a fire.

I know.

Bye.

It'll be the last midterm of your high-school careers,

so rejoice over that if nothing else.

Before you go, I just wanna mention that it looks like

another banner year for chilton grads seeking top colleges.

I wanna congratulate all of those who have heard

and advise patience for all of you who have not.

No one has escaped from chilton without going on to another terrific school

if that's his or her goal. Good to hear.

I know at least one of you has been accepted to Harvard.

It's an immense honor, that. Congratulations.

Have you guys heard from Paris? Heard what?

Anything. She's not here?

She's been gone for five days. Huh. Didn't notice.

Although it did seem like there was a lot more air in here, didn't it?

I have to talk to you...

Come back for the tray later, nanny.

It's not nanny, Paris. It's Rory.

Can I come in?

I guess.

Hi. I brought a bunch of school stuff from the past few days.

If there's anything missing, I can bring it over later.

Thank you.

No offense, but my soap's starting.

So you're sick, huh?

You know what's wrong... you, of all people.

That's Martin.

His sister-in-law got kidnapped,

and he thinks his former lover is behind it.

Juicy. So, don't you have an announcement?

What do you mean? Did you get in?

We don't have to... I know you did.

You've got that Harvard glow about you...

The glow of destiny.

Paris. Just tell me.

I got in. Ugh!

Amanda and Richard. I'm so over them.

So, you've been incommunicado lately.

I've had nanny hold all my calls and the mail.

My parents are away, so I've been totally Howard Hughes-ing it.

So, did you tell them about Harvard? No.

Don't you think you should? No.

Well, don't you think they'll find out? How?

You not moving out might be a tip-off.

I'll get an apartment in Cambridge, buy a Harvard sweatshirt,

talk about mira sorvino a lot. It's doable.

I told my mother about having sex with Jamie,

and her reaction was to talk about

how my father hasn't pleased her in 15 years.

Yikes. Like I couldn't tell.

What's going on with your boyfriend? I haven't called him.

The only people in your life work at "general hospital"?

This isn't "general hospital." I don't deserve "general hospital."

Okay, you've got to stop it.

What happened?! Harvard was my destiny.

I was flipping through Harvard class schedules

when you were still delighting to "adventures of gumby and pokey."

I was a pee-wee Herman kind of gal.

It's partly my parents' fault. They didn't brand me properly.

I should've been at 92nd street y or brick church.

Prep schools? Preschools. It decides everything.

But I'm not totally blameless.

I found a spot in my interview that I'm sure doomed me.

You recorded your Harvard interview?

The plan was to archive everything,

then donate it to the university upon my demise.

Little did I expect that my demise would come this early.

It shouldn't even be taken into account!

This dovetails nicely into population control.

It's a little hot. Can we do something about that?

Population control has been dramatically successful

in European countries... to the detriment of some,

especially Italy, which is experiencing a marked...

You think this has anything to...

let me finish my thought. Paris...

please!

Well, you said "please." That's very polite.

I sound like a meth addict.

I might as well record the new Justin Timberlake over this.

I hate that your torturing yourself like this in bed.

Proust wrote all 3,000 pages of

"in search of lost time" in bed. If it's good enough for him...

Hey!

Bed is not a life plan, and you need a life plan.

Here it is... you need to tell your parents about Harvard.

And start taking calls from people.

Check the mail so that you can see the other universities

that have no doubt accepted you

and that are probably dying to be in the Paris geller business.

Call your boyfriend because he's gonna be worried about you

and because this is his fault. And you need to get out of bed.

"Be in the Paris geller business"? You know what I meant.

There's no alternative to Harvard.

Except Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Stanford,

Sarah Lawrence, et cetera, et cetera.

Well... Maybe you're right.

I'm unquestionably right. But I'm not jumping up this second.

You don't have to rush. And I'm gonna have to keep watching this,

at least until Adriana's wrongful conviction

for aggravated assault is overturned.

I understand.

Thanks.

You've got your remote, water, comic books.

Looks like you're all set up here, Fred junior.

Yes, ma'am. Oh, "ma'am"... you make me feel old.

Stop it. Yes, ma'am.

No, I mean it. Stop it. Okay.

I think we're out of toothpaste.

Oh, sorry, Fred. Below the sink there's plenty more.

Oh, thank you. This is kinda fun.

Well, it's fun having you guys.

Aww, I would've done that.

I feel weird now. Why?

About other people sleeping in my bed.

Honey, don't worry. Fred and his wife don't seem, what?

Like they're feeling extremely romantic.

Oh, God! That didn't even cross my mind.

You're kidding. That's all I would've thought of.

I'm thinking about it now, thank you very much.

Got all your stuff for Lane's?

Yeah, it wasn't a hard packing job.

Wow.

These have really changed.

What have? The pro/con lists.

In all the hubbub, they slipped my mind.

Yale. What about it?

Yale. What do you mean?

Yale. Stop saying "Yale."

It has double the pros. I wouldn't say double.

Triple over filthy, dirty Princeton. It's kicking butt.

I'm not done collecting my data yet.

The document is the length of "Nicholas nickleby". Looks like you're done.

But... what?

Look at my wall. So?

So that wall says something. Yeah, it says,

"the Harvard merchandising department made a nice chunk of change..."

How can I go to Yale with my wall like this? It's a wall.

Look, honey, Luke was right.

The pro/con lists have to come to an end eventually.

But Luke also reminded us that it was supposed to be

Harvard regardless of a list. Everyone thinks that.

I don't. I don't.

I know I'm the one who said "no" to Yale loudly and a lot,

but not anymore. I just want what's right.

But it has to be right for both of us.

If it's right for you, it's really right for me.

I don't want you to hate the place I'm going.

Never. Oh.

Uh, are you not ready for us yet?

We're ready for you. We hate to put you out.

It's perfectly okay. I'm guessing you're gonna fall sound asleep

the minute your heads hit that pillow.

Oh, yeah. We're exhausted.

Have a good night.

Yeah, guys, yell if you need anything.

I don't wanna hear you yelling for any other reason. Shh!

So, where's Jess tonight? Working.

He works a lot, doesn't he? He's saving a lot.

Good. He wants a better car. This car keeps stalling.

He's still working at Luke's, too, right? Yeah.

Is he down to part-time at school?

What do you mean? Getting work credit?

He's going full-time. Oh, yeah?

Why do you say that? I don't know, it's Wal-Mart,

working at Luke's, squiring you around town.

Seems like a lot of his time is accounted for. He's a senior.

He's going to school full-time. Alright. Just wondering.

Rest. I'll try.

Don't start the sock puppets with Fred junior,

he'll never let you stop. Bye. Bye.

The excitement here never stops, Fred junior.

Hi, there. The hatlestads. Hi.

I thought you went home. Well,

breakfast was so great, and the town's so nice,

and you made staying over sound so fun,

that we decided to take you up on it.

Is that okay? It's more than okay.

Come on in, 'cause you're staying here.

Thank you.

Your bedroom's right upstairs. You can't miss it.

Terrific. Thanks.

How much room you take up on that couch?

Pretty much all of it. That's what I figured.

Who do you have staying in your room?

The second poe and his wife. For your sake, I hope they are very tired.

Why? Nothing. I shouldn't have said anything.

Hello?

I'm a nomad. What?

I'm the lonely wanderer. Hank Williams would be sad to write a song about me.

Where are you? I am a bedouin. I'm homeless.

Okay, stop that. Where are you?

I'm walking aimlessly around town.

Why? The hatlestads showed up.

But they went home. Apparently

I made the whole emergency fire accommodations

sound so fun that they had second thoughts.

You're a terrific salesman.

And a terrific idiot.

So where are you right this second?

I'm in the middle of the street, aka my bedroom.

Mom... I'm by the school, Luke's.

Luke's. Good. Go there. It's closed.

But Luke is upstairs. Ask him if you can stay.

But... I bet the answer is yes.

He'll make me eat a veggie burger. Get moving.

Fine. Bye.

Bye.

Luke!

Luke!

Stella!

Who is that?!

Lorelai. What are you doing down there?

Enjoying some air, getting some exercise, and freezing!

Well, go home. "Home.

I have no home. Hunted, despised..."

What? It's from "ed wood," the movie?

Have you gone bonkers?

People are bunking at my place, and I need somewhere to stay.

It occurred to you now to look for a place?

The stupid hatlestads showed up. Who?

Pipe down out there!

Go back to bed, Mrs. slutsky.

Don't talk to me that way, young man!

Throw your keys down.

I will not!

No, Luke, Mrs. slutsky.

I'll just come down. Do something!

Ditto. I'm coming down.

My inn caught fire.

Hurry, Luke.

No, young chui, it was right to break up with her.

Why stay in a relationship when it's not going anywhere?

Life's too short... exactly.

No, I told you a joke yesterday.

I need time to come up with another one.

Look, it's late. I've got my math test tomorrow. I better go.

Yeah, I'll call you to tell you how it went. Okay, night.

Young chui and his girlfriend are broken up, huh?

And good riddance. She was very waspy.

What about you and young chui? Are you broken up?

My mom thinks we're the perfect young Korean couple.

Weren't you supposed to break up? Yeah.

But he thinks it isn't time yet. Why? It's a fake relationship.

You were never going out.

I bring it up every night, and he just changes the subject.

You talk every night? He's a little needy right now.

That's a lot of talking. Well, we're friends.

Just friends? What are you getting at?

He's calling you every night

and he keeps putting off your breakup,

so God knows when you'll be able to date Dave rygalski.

He's asking you to tell him jokes

and to let him know how your math test went.

So?

So it sounds like he's in love with you.

No. No. Young chui's not in love with me,

and it's not fair for you to take an innocent friendship

like we have, with its air of innocence...

and its innocence... and oh, my God, he loves me.

That stupid boy's fallen in love with me.

It's not stupid. You're a catch.

But not his catch. I'm Dave's catch.

I've already been caught. You need to be more direct.

I can't break up with him, or my mom will never let me date.

It's gotta come from him. What do I do?

Just a second.

Hey. Hey.

Bizarro day, huh? Wouldn't wanna repeat it.

Inn still closed? Just till tomorrow.

What caused it? They're not sure.

Something electrical, probably.

That's usually the culprit.

Something the matter?

No. Good.

So, how was school? Same old, same old.

You're still doing okay?

Doing my reading, 'riting, and 'rithmetic.

And you're still going, right?

What? Where's this coming from?

There's been speculation. From who?

My mom asked whether you're going full-time to school.

Your mom. Yeah.

Why is she so interested?

Because you're dating her daughter.

Great. What else does she think I did?

Start the fire? Put Phil spector up to it?

I told her, yes, you were going.

As they say on "the family feud"... good answer.

So, I didn't lie to her? No.

No?

Look, don't worry. I got it under control.

Jess... I'm going enough.

I've been picking up some extra shifts, but I'm fine.

It's Mickey mouse stuff anyway.

What it takes the others hours to learn, it takes me minutes.

Well, if you're behind... I'm not behind.

But if you get behind, I can help you catch up. Got it covered.

If you say so. I do.

Okay. So how about you come out?

What's this?

He was just leaving. Why is he here at all?

He came to borrow something... Here.

Thank you.

Baseball bat? Cricket.

Night.

Don't do that. Don't do what?

Don't pull the sheet back after I pull it. I need more for this side.

You pulled it again. I need it for my side.

I need to tuck it in on this side.

Let's tuck in both sides. You tuck it in on both sides?

I slip into it like it's a straitjacket. You must feel right at home.

I so set you up for that. Tuck it in on your side.

You know, I should take the couch.

Me taking the bed doesn't feel right.

Oh, now, come on. What?

Pretending you don't want it now isn't working.

I'm pretending to try to be polite.

I'm fine with the couch. You're the one that's exhausted.

You know, I'm actually not. Really?

I'm, like, strangely exhilarated.

I mean, as awful as what happened today was,

I'm happy with how I handled it.

You never know how you're gonna react

in situations like this until something happens,

and I think I did pretty well.

Yeah, I do, too.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Nicole. Hi.

Yeah, I'm good. Oh, not much.

There was a fire at the local inn out here.

Yeah, the one she works at, yeah.

Everybody's fine.

Yeah, it's just a lot of chaos for a while.

So, how was your thing today?

Alright. Fill me in tomorrow. 7:00's good.

Okay.

Okay, yeah. Goodnight.

That was Nicole. So I heard.

Why didn't you tell her I was here? Didn't come up.

You mean she didn't, out of the clear blue and for no reason,

ask if I was sleeping over? Just didn't seem necessary.

You've nothing to hide here.

You just took in a refugee.

I know there's nothing to hide,

it's just that you've kinda become...

Become what?

A sore point with me and Nicole.

What? How?

On our first date, I was nervous,

and I wasn't having any luck coming up with topics,

so I was just kinda blabbing a lot.

She ordered extra fries at dinner, so it reminded me of you,

and I told her a story about you and French fries.

And that seemed fine. And then later she ordered a third cup of coffee.

Ohh, Luke.

And I mentioned you and your coffee thing,

and I noticed that Nicole kind of reacted a little.

Ever since then she's been a little sensitive to the issue.

Of course she is. You don't talk about another woman on a first date.

Even if it's just a friend? They don't exist.

Come on. Not on a first date.

No other women exist, not even my mother?

Do you really think talking about your mother is wise?

Not really. You can maybe mention a sister... maybe.

And then you move on really, really quickly.

This is why I hate dating.

Unless you wanna be Mountain man all your life,

you've got to abide by the rules and customs.

Sorry, I have to get up super early tomorrow.

No problem. What time? 6:00.

I get up at quarter to 5:00. Why would you get up that early?

I don't know, to run my business.

Well, change businesses.

Ooh, wow. Total deja vu.

Really? It's the alarm clock.

I had a dream once that you set 18 alarm clocks to get me up,

which is not a bad way to get me up.

Where were we? We were, um, at my house.

I got up and went downstairs for coffee...

And you talked to my stomach.

Why on earth would I do that? Well, because I was pregnant.

Twins. Mine?

What am I, dream tramp? Of course yours.

We were married?

Um, yeah. Did I not mention that?

No.

You know, you shouldn't drink coffee when you're pregnant.

Yeah, true.

That's probably why Rory's a caffeine addict.

Right. You're right. Dream go beyond that?

No. Um, you talked to my stomach, and then you ki...

well, no.

Oh, okay. Well...

Night. Yeah.

Night.

Luke and Sookie have worked things out.

There does seem to be a grudging respect thing going on.

Get the ricotta fritters started, guys.

Are we making the cajun eggs Benedict again?

We could. Let's. It was good.

The cajun was all your doing. Only because I knocked

the cayenne pepper into your hollandaise.

How do you think they invented the Reese's cup and penicillin?

We could win the nobel here.

Morning. You're up early.

Gotta catch me that worm. Where you going?

School. This early?

I got a lab project. Me and my team are meeting.

Well, have a good day. If I have a choice.

Hey. Good morning.

Talk to you later. Later.

By the way, your boyfriend snores.

Didn't need to know that.

Hello?

It is?

Oh, I love you. I love you.

Thanks. We're open.

Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?

That was chief Baker on the phone, who told me

in that deep, sexy voice of his, the inn is officially reopened.

Right now, it's just me and the staffers,

but soon, you'll have your stuff back and you can go home.

Thank you, lorelai. Listen, from our group,

we want to give you this.

Oh, well, that's the nicest dead bird I've ever gotten.

Thanks, Fred. It's from all of us.

Right. Thank you, poe society.

Coming, Sookie? I'm coming.

Okay, you need to caramelize the hazelnuts

for the brioche French toast,

add some madeira to the pear-poaching liquid.

Add chives to the cream for the sheared eggs.

Don't burn anything. Got it. I've gotta change for school.

Go, go. We'll see you later. Let's go.

Ah, here they are.

Hi, Michel. Hi, chief. Don't we love our chief?

I bet he can beat up all the other chiefs.

Can we get on with this? Let me just unlock the door here.

First thing I wanna do is go to the rooms

and get all the guests' stuff into the lobby.

Sookie, go the kitchen and let me know what's what.

Maybe we can open for dinner. Dinner?

Yeah. Anyone give you a heads-up about what's inside?

No. You might wanna wait till you get inside

to make your plans. And, uh, go slow.