Original subtitles

All right. Everything back in the booty box.

Mousian-Venus trap plant.

[Lyle] Check.

[snap] - Ah. - Ooh.

Thundering Triangle of Grimistan.

Right here.

I'm a one-man band.

- [loud bell] - [all] Aah!

- My bad. - Everlasting

Pencil of Boomvircal.

- No. - [whistles]

No, it's a pencil that never gets shorter no matter

how many times you sharpen it.

- I could doodle until I'm dead. - That is...

I'm a doodler, Wyatt. You got to let me doodle.

- Let the dude doodle. - [sighs]

I've never seen him this excited about school supplies.

Nope.

Come on! It's a pencil.

What's the worst it could do?

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

[Dante] Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Hand it over, Dante.

Hey, Wyatt.

This is Roxanne.

She is a foreign exchange student.

I'm just showing her around, you know.

Warning her which foods in the cafeteria are barftastic.

Ha-ha-ha.

[slowly speaking] Hello, my name is Wyatt.

What country are youfrom?

Canada.

Did you say Canada?

Oh, yeah.

- Ooh. - Dragon's breath.

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Wow, Canada.

So, exotic.

[Angie] Well, I hate to interrupt

this fascinating conversation,

but we got to get to class.

So...

- Nice meeting you, Wyatt. - Yep.

Nice meeting you.

Rox meeting you.

Nice Rox.

- Hmm. - Anne?

- I'm sorry. - Roxanne.

[both] Wow.

- Okay. - Wow.

[whispers] Oh, wow.

♪ O Canada...

I totally blew it.

It's like whenever I talk to girls, my brain vomits.

Oh, yes, brain vomit.

It's like a brain fart,

but it comes out of your brain's mouth

instead of your brain's butt.

[farting noise] That was immature.

Oh, man.

Another player beat us to the Notauto Orbit Glamour.

Curse you, Lady Elsinore.

- Should we take her out? - No, no.

She is way to high level.

Absolutely not. Um-um.

Better bring in Wyatt the wordsmith.

Oh yeah. Oh, yeah, we need that Black Death swagger.

Do not fear.

I got this.

What's up, Lady Elsinore?

That is an impressive arsenal of gear you got there.

And your weapons aren't bad, either.

Hello, thanks for noticing, Black Death.

Oh, nice.

Now, why would a beautiful player like you

need an Orb of Glamour?

If you let me take the orb,

I promise to assist you in a future quest.

What do you say pretty lady, huh?

Help a player out.

All right, Black Death.

The orb's yours, but I'm taking you up on that quest assist.

Look at you.

Hey man, you...

You never brain vomit when you're Black Death.

That's because it's in the game, okay?

It's not like going on a real date, or going out to dinner

and then play laser tag.

That's not a real date either, buddy.

Hey, Wyatt.

Ladies.

Oh.

I'm taking Roxanne to Bear Superstar Diner tonight

if you'd like to join us.

[Roxanne] You should come out.

We'll be there around about half past six.

Bear Superstar Diner.

- You, me, food. - Yeah, food.

That's a lot to think about.

Okay, well, maybe we'll see you there.

- Yeah. - Okay.

[vomit sounds]

That was some serious brain barf.

It was major brain barf.

See what I told you.

And the worst part, she's Canadian.

What's that have to do with it?

I love Canadian women.

They're so foreign and exotic.

Our mysterious neighbors that we barely know.

And that accent, wow.

Man, I wish I could date Roxanne.

But there is no way I'm going to get a passport to her heart.

Sure you can. You just gotta be like you are in the game.

Pretend you're Black Death talking to Roxanne.

- Yes. - I can't.

I'm not going to go to the diner.

I'll just screw up like I always do.

You know, if I had the Everlasting Pencil of Boomvircal,

I would write down tips on how to talk to girls.

But someone wouldn't let me keep it.

- Who's that? - [coughs] Wyatt.

You know the rules. No using stuff from the game.

It always ends up blowing up in our faces.

Actually, it usually ends up blowing up in your face.

Boom.

By the way,

your eyebrows have grown in nicely

since we tried that Wand of Hazardous Flames.

- No they haven't. - [Lyle screams]

No Everlasting Pencil.

[whispering] Put them back. Put them back.

Lady Elsinore, it was my pleasure

to escort you and the Prisoner of Bays Lot

through the Woods of Kerjackasham.

Oh, what a gentleman you are, Black Death.

You must have loads of girls chasing after you, IRL.

I am...

pretty smooth.

Whoa!

Aah!

[both] Holy plasspreen vorcal sword.

Whoa, Black Death.

[laughs]

- This is-- - Crazy.

Whoa.

[both] Man, you look tough in the game,

but in real life, you're going to need a few adjustments.

Okay, time to give this new arm a road test.

Passed. Moving on.

[shouts]

[Wyatt] Woo!

Nice!

And punch!

[laughs]

Man, you are better than me at everything.

[both] That's because I'm 6'5", packed with muscles,

and slay dragons in my spare time.

- Man... - Hup, hup, hup, hup...

Guess that's why I have no trouble talking to girls when I'm you.

Wait a sec.

Huh.

[laughs] Oh, I shouldn't.

[both] Or should I?

Hi, girls.

I'm Brian Blacker...

Ton.

Couldn't help noticing your...

Exotic beauty from across the room.

You wouldn't happen to be from Canada, would you?

Hmph.

[groans]

[chatter]

Oh, just like a polar bear.

What do you say I...

- buy you a milkshake? - [Angie] Oh.

Yes, please, Brian Blackroontatoon.

Oh, I'm just finishing up this ice cream.

You want some?

No thanks. You need it more than I do, I mean.

The heat down here must be unbearable for you.

[clears throat] Maybe in Canada, the rivers flow with sweet dairy treats.

But here in America, we don't turn down the free dessert.

[Angie] Even if we're eating it.

That's okay.

She's sweet enough as it is.

You know, maybe you'd like some fries

coming over from that fryer over...

There.

[groaning] You see anything you like?

Yes, a milkshake.

Oh, that came across wrong.

Okay, I don't know what all that's about, but um,

I'm not really into big muscled macho guys

showing me how tough they are all the time.

- Really? - [Roxanne] Yeah.

I'm sort of more into the smart geeks.

You know that awkward, endearingly bumbling type.

She's talking about me.

I hate to interrupt this whole rejection thing,

but is the milkshake offer still on the table?

You thinking what I'm thinking?

That I should install Fire Pool in my bedroom?

No. Dante, there's something up with that guy.

He seems really familiar.

Oh, maybe he's my dead goldfish, Captain Finnegan

returned to earth in another form.

What? You said eerily.

That would be pretty eerie.

Can't argue with that.

I got to get there and ask her out

before another awkward guy snags her.

Um...

[Angie] Bye.

Come on. Let's follow him.

Ah!

Put some ice on it.

No time to send you back.

I will...

I'll deal with you later. Perfect.

[both] Ah!

Ah!

Ah...

Ah...

Hey.

Glad you're still here.

Wyatt, would you like some water?

Wow.

So, Angie, Steve Schmidt told me he wanted to talk to you.

Steve Schmidt?

Oh, Steve Schmidt, my totally not fake boyfriend.

Where did you say that he was?

Over there.

I'll be back in a minute.

Oh, yeah...

Roxanne, how are you liking Daventry Hills?

Ah, it's very --

Do you want to go on a date with me?

Wow...

[laughs] Sure, okay.

Okay.

It's a date then. It's a date.

[sighs]

I think I need some more water.

We got you!

Hey!

Wake up.

Why are you moving? Why isn't he moving?

It's Black Death.

He's just in regular clothes. You know what this means?

Yes.

My goldfish was reincarnated as Wyatt's avatar.

Captain Finnegan, you look great.

How did you afford these clothes?

Or, Wyatt leaked his avatar

and dressed him up without telling us.

- Wait! - Yeah.

Wyatt wouldn't let me keep the Everlasting Pencil of Boomvircal,

but he leaked out his own avatar.

Not fair. He's breaking all kinds of rules.

Yes, especially fashion.

Oh, horizontal stripes aren't doing this guy any favors.

We can't let Wyatt get away with this.

You know what we should do?

Dress this guy up as a butler

and make him serve us sandwiches.

No, we should have some fun with our friend Wyatt.

So I hear you're going on a bowling date with Roxanne tonight.

- Yeah, but don't tell Lyle or Dante. - Why not?

Because if they know I'm on a date,

then they'll ask how it went,

and then I'll have to say horrible.

And then they'll feel sorry for me,

and I already feel sorry for me,

and I don't want anybody else invited to that pity party.

Ah, Wyatt. Stop being such a Wyatt.

You'll be fine. Here's a few bowling dating tips.

Wear clean socks. Don't use the bumper.

And never granny bowl. Even if you think it's cute.

- Think I can make it cute. - You can't.

- Never do that. - Spare then.

So we're playing Conqueror tonight?

Can't. Going bowling.

With whom?

No specific person. It's a league tournament.

Since when do you play in a league, Wyatt?

Since recently.

Ah, you're lying.

Why would I lie?.

I don't know, but when you lie,

you speak in a really high-pitched voice.

No I don't.

- What's he up to? - I don't know.

But I think Black Death is about to go bowling.

You know who loved bowling? Captain Finnegan.

You gotta stop talking about that goldfish.

I will not.

Oh, thanks, Wyatt, for getting me a feather-light ball.

What? Oh, yeah, no problem.

[in high-pitched voice] That one was definitely for you.

Hey, uh, maybe I'll get one just like it so we can be twinsies.

Oh cool with me. I like it when a guy

isn't afraid to show his weaknesses.

Uh...boop. [laughs]

[both] Ah!

Ooh!

Hey, Roxanne, could you excuse me for a second?

[laughing]

What was that, man?

Sorry, the controls are all janky.

Wyatt must have customized the keyboard.

All right, well get it together. We have a plan to execute

We certainly do. We certainly do.

- What are you doing here? - Good question...

Wyatt. Maybe you can tell us what something from the game...

Is doing in our universe...

When it isn't absolutely necessary.

I can explain. It was a freak accident.

Then I was doing a bit of a scientific experiment. I'm sorry.

Stop it! We're not here for apologies.

We're here to teach you a lesson.

Yeah, Black Death is going to take down the support beams and bring this building...

- Down. - What? No.

We signed up for a bowling tournament,

and we're going to challenge Wyatt face-to-face in the lanes.

Come on, man, these arms are wasted on bowling.

They should be smashing concrete

and bending steel and uprooting cars.

No, you gotta hit him where it hurts.

His bowling score.

That way it will humiliate him in front of his entire team.

[groans] Fine...

We're using this pencil to keep score.

Sorry, guys, I'm not actually in a bowling tournament.

What? No, I paid $50 to join the bowling league.

I even had to buy a customized bowling ball

for Black Death's huge sausage fingers.

[sighs] Well, then, it's time for Plan B.

Time to smash stuff.

What are you, uh--

Ooh!

The reason I'm here is because I'm on a date with Roxanne.

Dude, that's awesome. Why didn't you tell us?

I could have given you some useful tips

in how to pull out the successful bowling date.

Next time, you got to be straight with us.

You're right. We cool?

We're cool.

[thud]

[crowd] Oh.

So that's where the jump backward key is for your character.

Got it.

Wyatt, I can't believe you just punched someone.

You macho guys are all the same.

Always fighting like hockey players.

I thought you were different, Wyatt.

I thought you were a wuss.

I like wusses.

But I guess I was wrong about you.

Wait, no...

This is a misunderstanding.

[shouting] I am a wuss! I am the king of wusses.

Umm.

Sorry, buddy. [crunch]

- Ah! - Ooh.

You'd think the pink ball wouldn't hurt so much.

He doesn't call himself the king of wusses for nothing.

I'm pathetic.

A little bit.

I knew it, I knew it. I never should have gone on a date,

especially with an exotic foreigner.

No, man, you were doing great. We're the ones that screwed it up.

You gotta go after her.

Yeah man, when your skateboard rolls into the sewer,

you don't just leave it there and steal another one.

You grease yourself up, you shimmy down, and you get her back.

Hose her off, and you're back in business.

Look, I have a broken heart and a broken foot,

and I don't want to break anything else.

Guys, my love life is an epic failure.

Oh, man, we got to do something to help him out.

Yeah, I mean I've seen him bummed, but this is bad.

I mean, have you seen anything more pathetic

than this face right here?

Oh, I hope he doesn't start crying.

I am not going to cry, and your mic is still turned on.

We're not letting you quit, crybaby.

Dry those tears because we're getting Roxanne back.

No, no, no, put me down.

Don't worry, we got this Conqueror style. This is a quest.

A quest for love.

[both] Tulta Minnelli!

Stop it! I don't want to get hurt anymore!

- Go left. - Go left?

Whoa!

[both] Oh!

So you're telling me that Lyle and Dante

have been controlling this guy this whole time?

- Well, first it was me. - Then I wanted--

- To smash a building, but Lyle wouldn't let me. - Shush it, Dante!

Look, it doesn't matter. We don't have time to explain.

- Shush it, Lyle! - Where's Roxanne?

She just texted me. She's at Bear Superstar Diner.

- Let's go! - But you can't just show up empty-handed

if you're trying to win back a girl, jeez.

[groans]

We need some flowers.

Some lady flowers.

Roses. Mother Nature's apology card.

Of course, I never needed an apology card

- with a face like-- - This.

You don't have a face like this.

You have a face like...

That.

All my beauty shines through,

even when I'm a pasty guy with a chin this big.

Oop!

[both] Oh!

Uh-oh. Your face just went

- boom. - Okay, all right, so you're big you're strong

and you can pop a balloon.

Get her tulips. Roses are too cliché.

I have enough money to pay for one rose, please.

- Uh. - Ooh.

- Come on. - I cannot

figure out these controls.

Well now you're going to have pay for all of them.

She's gotta be in here somewhere.

[Lyle] Oh, there she is. At the end of the counter.

Come on, Wyatt, do it for all the guys

who say they have a girlfriend in Canada,

but they really just can't get a date.

Quiet, guys. You're putting too much pressure on him.

Okay, Wyatt, this is the most important moment of your life. Don't screw it up.

Wow, this is really important to you guys, isn't it?

Yeah, man.

Because it's important to you.

- You're the dude. - I'm not the dude.

Now go get her, man.

Sorry, wrong key. Okay, um...

[singing]

Nope that's not it, either.

Woo.

I am the dude. I am the dude. I am the dude.

Hey, Roxanne.

Wyatt.

Listen, back at the bowling alley what you thought you saw

isn't exactly what you thought you saw.

Yeah, I didn't hit anyone. We were just talking.

Right, Brian?

Hey.

I am not a tough guy, okay?

I'm an awkward bumbling geek.

Nobody is as awkward as me.

Hi, Wyatt.

Except for Gus.

- Really? - That's the story why we met half an hour ago.

He was stuck in a revolving door.

Perfect. You know what, Roxanne,

maybe I am too much of a tough guy for you.

And you, Gus, you're lucky I don't challenge you to a duel.

Even if you did, I'd lose,

and she'd only love me that much more.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well, I lost to the better worser man, which,

I think, still makes me a winner.

You did good, buddy. You'll find another girl.

One day.

Yeah. The king of wusses will find his queen.

And together you shall rule your kingdom

with a weak and quivering hand.

Thank, guys. It'll happen.

- Maybe not today. - Mm-mm.

- Maybe not tomorrow. - Nope.

- Maybe not in five years. - Probably not.

But someday, uh?

Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks, Wyatt.

I love flowers.

Hello, Sarah. Guys?

I'll be a second.

Yeah, got those for you.

That is my boy!

[crying] He's growing up so fast.

Let's go bench press some cars.

Yeah!

You're up, Brian.

[all] Yeah!

[cheering]

That is another exploding strike.

You know, I wonder if the bowling alley's

gonna run out of pins soon.

Yeah, we should probably send him back to the game

before someone calls the manager.

Okay, let's focus. This is the last ball here.

- Right - All right?

[all] Yeah!

[all] Woo!

[cheering]

Gimme some. Gimme some elbow.

[singing] He-he-he...

What's 300 plus 20?