Original subtitles

One, two, three.

Way there.

That's it.

Man, I'm pretty.

And these are the fleecing tubes where gristle and tallow are rendered down

a gelatinous albumin. The albumin, which is the basis of Mr.

Kevin's triple strength hair gel.

The gristle makes it shiny, and the tallow keeps hair stiff for days.

Yes,

sir, we know.

This is my 397th tour of the factory.

Three more and I get a prize.

How nice for you.

Moving along, we find... Tell them about the turbo -injected bottling process.

Sir... I'm getting to that. Now, if you'll all follow me, please watch your

as industrial crud may have accumulated along the walkway.

She's going to show us how they thick pretty labels on the bottles and

distribute them to hair salons across... Whoa!

Oh.

Too bad. The hair gel will harden around his body, encasing him in a living

prison for eons to come.

And we're walking, we're walking, we're walking.

to get to Mr. Kevin's gift shop.

Want to go to the gift shop?

Hi, Johnny.

What are you doing on a hair gel tour?

You're not on a tour.

You've been frozen in hair gel for over 500 years, and I revived you. Ah, quit

goofing around, Carl.

Interesting. You must be talking about my great -great -great -great

-grandfather, Carl Prentissowitz I.

I'm Carl number 97324.

Welcome to the 25th century!

Let me get this straight. It's 500 years in the future?

Yep. And you're here?

Uh -huh. Let me out of here!

I want to go home! Help! Help! I understand, Johnny. Your primitive brain

confused and rattled. But with me as your guide, you'll soon grow to love the

glorious world of the future.

Uh...

Carl, nothing personal, but this place is a dump.

After six world wars and two global plagues, I think we've done quite

thank you.

There's roaches all over the place.

Yeah, and I'm late for work. Move it, lard butt!

Careful,

Johnny!

You were almost hit by that fossil fuel -powered ground transport.

You mean that car?

This place stinks.

Where's all the talking robots and hovering stuff?

We're working on it. Cut us some slack, Mr. Bossy. Whatever.

Got any food in this place? I'm hungry.

Okay. Follow me and I'll treat you to the amazing food of the future.

Hey,

welcome to Potts.

Potts? Is it really you?

Sure is, Jenny.

It froze my head back in 07 after a little tussle with the meat slicer.

Wiggy. Well, why doesn't everyone preserve their head and live forever?

Well, Johnny, it's a sad, freaky existence.

So, what can I get you? We're starved, Pop.

Two orders of unflavored soy mulch, please.

Could you get it yourself?

I'm a little short -handed at the moment.

It's a little floating head joke.

Eat up, Johnny, while it's still damp.

Oh, stinky food, no rocket cars. Give me one reason why I should stick around.

That'll do.

Hey, future babe, lower your deflectors. I've set my phasers on love.

Very well.

What? Really? Cool!

Luckily, I happen to have brought my hyper -lit mandibulator.

What?

Kissing is forbidden, Johnny. This is how we make out in the future.

That was painful and unsatisfying. Can we do it again?

Well, this has been fun.

I gotta go now.

No, really. Stop it.

I must go. Big Brother summons us.

Well, I'll call you. Okay.

Hurry, Johnny.

It's time for the 25th century's favorite TV show.

I don't get it. I thought you said we were going to watch TV.

Big Brother!

Big Brother! Big Brother! Big Brother! Big Brother! Big Brother! It's time for

the Big Brother Comedy Hour.

With tonight's guests, Raynak of Furious 4 and Stupid Android Drift. And

now, a man who never gets tired of policing your mind, Big Brother!

Bites. What else was on?

Johnny, please.

Thank you. Thank you. My, what a crowd.

So, a guy walked into a bar and said he hasn't had a bite in three days.

So I had him arrested and sent to a re -education camp.

No, I kid.

You stink.

Who's got the remote?

You know, buddy, I'll say to you what I say to all my critics.

Seize him!

Quick, Johnny, hold me tight.

Wow, that was a close one.

The future stinks.

Just send me home already.

Don't be silly, Johnny. You can hide out here with me for the rest of your life.

I'll just set up a cot over here next to the time machine.

Time machine?

Mm -hmm. And we can stay up late every night and play Yahtzee and be best

friends forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

The albumin, which is the basis of Mr.

Kevin's triple -strength hair gel.

I made it. I'm back in my own time.

Sir, I've asked you nicely to please stop talking.

All right.

I'll be good.

I've learned my lesson. And watch the ooze on those steps.

Mag, mag, mag.

Why don't you just shut your...

Seize

them!

I'm going to make a fortune with this thing.

Oh, mama!

This car must be made completely out of loose change.

Now to get it into these penny rolls.

Excuse me, that's my car.

Hey, finders keepers.

So, want to get lunch? I'm rich.

No, but if you take...

That bus, all the way to the last stop.

My twin sister will be waiting for you.

Twin sister, huh? What's she look like?

Better hurry.

Hmm.

Just like home.

Only more corn.

And the cars are made of horses.

Good morning to you, sir.

You're the sister I'm supposed to meet?

Yes, I am Sister Emma.

You must be Brother John Adia. Come to visit from the East Country.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

Let's ride.

Hello? Sister Emma?

Anyone?

Are one of you Sister Emma?

Um, no.

We're going to go to Daytona Beach for spring break. Want to come?

All righty then.

I still don't know why I got to wear these stupid clothes.

Your East Country ways are truly strange, Donna Dyer. All our men dress

I think I'm getting a burlap wedgie.

You'll get used to it.

I've returned with Johnny Dyer.

Come in. I was just blunting these farm implements to make the work harder.

Wiggy. Tell me, Johnny Dyer, what brings you such a great distance?

Some chick told me her sister here could cure what ails me.

A chicken spoke to you and told you that Emma would perform a healing?

You talk funny.

Yes.

Well, in any event, let me extend the open arms of brotherly... Blah, blah,

blah. I'm starving. When's dinner?

You're in for a treat, John Adair.

I've walked all day to make the food as tasteless as possible.

Mmm, radish loaf with skunk root sauce.

This stinks!

Got any ketchup?

Start with the spicy tang of ketchup, and before you know it, you're skipping

about the barn wearing brightly colored garments.

You know, that reminds me of a funny story. I was washing my hair in the

the other day when... So, when the battery ran out, I realized I had my

underwear on my head the whole time.

Hey,

want to see some karate?

Yes. Well, let's get to bed, shall we?

So how's about tomorrow, you and me?

Oh, yeah.

Making progress.

No, Mama! I'm too old for the tiny pants!

Oh, it's you.

What time is it?

It's 4 .30, John and Di, huh?

Do you plan to lay in bed all day when work's to be done?

Work?

All right.

If that's what it takes to prove myself to you, I'll do it.

By the way, I ran out of nails, so I pulled some from those other buildings.

John Adair, you have brought shame upon us. And for that, you must receive the

treatment. The treatment?

What the heck is that?

We can't hear you.

We're giving you the treatment.

No, please.

Not the treatment.

Stop. Stop, all of you. John Adia is our guest.

Yes, his customs may be strange, but we must open our hearts to him.

She does dig me. Hey,

short, blonde, and righteous.

How's about a quick game of spin the butter turn?

Creep.

Didn't say that.

This goes against all the bylaws of our peace, love, and community.

Everyone okay with that?

Aye! Then let the pummeling continue!

Magic word. Watch the hair. Come on now.

Boy, that hurt.

Welcome to the chess match of the century. Johnny Bravo versus the

supercomputer. What's this horsey thing again?

It's a knight.

Can I move here? No.

King me.

There is no king me in chess.

Hey, look at me. I'm a Martian.

Anyone up for a party, then?

Good gravy, Carl. It's just a lousy houseplant.

It's not just a houseplant.

It's the best Venus flytrap I ever had.

Take him, Pops. I want him to spend his final days among the flies he loves so

well. All righty. I'll put him in the kitchen. The place is lousy with the

little stinkers.

Farewell, little Dianaya Muscapula.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Reeb, what's up?

You look like somebody that died.

Oops.

I think I've made a terrible mistake. I'm wearing my underwear on the outside.

Ah, that's better. Now, who died?

Not died.

Dying.

Read the medical report.

What? Twelve hours to live.

No hope of recovery.

Fungal infestation.

mean to you for the past two decades.

Huh? From here on, I vow to be the best friend you always fantasized I was, and

I swear I will do anything, anything to make your last day on Earth a happy one.

No, you don't understand.

That's the medical report for my Venus.

Anything?

Hmm.

Faithboy blog.

Star date, July.

has the same heavy disruptor fire. My trusty lieutenant has just beamed back

aboard the bridge.

I said my lieutenant has just beamed back aboard.

Why do I gotta wear this? I just feel stupid.

Johnny, you said you'd play Trip McCoy Galaxy Boy with me. That means you're

Biff Proton, my best friend and trusted first officer.

All right.

Lieutenant Biff, what's his name, reporting for duty. What are your stupid

orders? Give me a foot rub.

What? Not a chance, dweeb.

Then prepare to be disciplined.

What did you do that for? I thought Tripp and Biff, what's his name, were

friends. Normally, yes. But in this episode, my brain has been taken over by

evil space crabs.

Well, then I don't want to... You will be absorbed.

Why, you little... Uh -oh.

What am I doing?

Carl's dying, and here I am pounding his head into the carpet.

Oh, I feel cold.

I see a bright light.

Is this the end of Carl Krisevinowitz?

Please, Carl, don't die.

I'll make it up to you. I swear I will.

Really? What size unitard do you wear?

This won't end well.

Johnny! I

hate it here.

I'm going home.

You can do it, Johnny.

Just pretend you're tiptoeing across a beautiful...

Come here and be my skating buddy.

How long before you die again?

Just relax and follow my lead.

Spin me, Johnny.

Now lift me.

Whoa! Wow!

Owie.

Hey, rink bunny. Want to join the Johnny Capades?

Come on, Carl. Quit dying on me. I'll do whatever it takes.

Okay, follow me.

Carl is my best friend.

He is so smart and nice and a really snappy dresser.

I like Carl very much.

Excuse me, Mr. Motorist. Would you run me over with your vehicle? Really, you'd

be doing me a favor.

I don't hear you, Johnny.

Right. Carl is so great. He is the sun and we are the planet.

That's a very pleasant singing voice.

Excuse me, Mr. Construction Worker. Would you please bury me alive? I'll

you a dollar.

You forgot to mention that I'm an excellent conversationalist. I don't get

Carl. We've been doing this for hours.

Shouldn't you be dead by now?

Any minute now.

In the meantime, keep proclaiming your devotion to me.

Do I have to?

Oh, the tunnel. I see the tunnel.

C is for the coolest guy I know.

A is for the awful way I treat him.

R is for his really neat bug collection.

L is for the love of humanity. Somebody put me out of my misery.

I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand it.

Great news, Carl.

Your Venus flytrap is going to live after all.

Huh?

That's great, Pops.

It's Naomi eye trap play.

Yes, sir. Three helpings of my loose meat special and the little feller was

good as new.

I guess that fancy medical report was just a big load of bunk. That report was

about a stupid plant.

Oh, my spleen. I mean, my tooth.

Is hangnails no picnic?

I like you better than people.