Original subtitles

It's an heirloom, pay up if you scratch it.

Nonsense, I remember that suitcase.

You discovered it abandoned by someone...

at the airport.

And you brought it home.

It stinks like an old fish now.

Uncle Kin I was only joking.

Joking?

You have nothing to gain if you fire me.

Business is bad after the June the 4th crackdown.

Don't laugh. Traffic light.

They've all emigrated.

If I leave you too you're going to be bored.

I'm even more bored having to pay you each month.

Why don't you give me any face then?

Stop it.

Sorry.

Your crab.

- It's yours. - Sorry.

Am I interrupting?

Oh, no. What can I do for you?

There's a Jim Kee Garage at 2 Pok Ching Street.

You know where?

Miss, here it is, 2 Pok Ching Street.

Oh yes,

I'm the president and general manager of this garage

and concurrently chief mechanic. I'm Dr. Lau Ting Kin.

I'm his boss.

Don't listen to him, he's out of his mind.

I'm your client,

ain't I your boss?

Have you got a car?

Sure,

please make it run.

It's so humble here, let's go for tea, come on.

Ching, Man, Tack.

Auntie Man.

Man you're so early.

Brother-in-law.

This four eyes looks familiar.

- Auntie Man. - Brother-in-law.

Auntie Man have you seen my new shop?

No.

Look, it's here.

Well, I remember now.

Aren't you Lau Ting Kin's god brother?

You're bloody Bluffer Jim.

You haven't changed after all these years.

Poor fellow, now you've sunk to a repairer.

What, what do you then?

I'm the boss of the garage next to you.

Why aren't you repairing a car then?

I have three daughters who can help me.

Uncle.

They're all so beautiful.

They can't be yours.

My wife is dead, don't use her name in vain.

Oh, Ting Ting was my flame...

but she died after marrying you.

She was always in love with me.

You entangled her and she died as a result.

Outrageous. First you took away my love,

and made me a life long bachelor,

and now you're my competitor in the garage business.

Sure, I'll make you go broke.

We'll see which of us will go broke first.

Let me help you compete against him.

I don't need your help.

I'll bring in a few wolves to ruin your daughters.

Lo Kar Ling, Lo Kar Ling.

Hey, Lo Kar Ling.

What's the matter? Boss.

I'll give you the lead role.

Don't ruin my show

or I'll fire you.

Boss.

I'm nervous, I've forgotten my lines.

Let me read the script again.

Crazy. It's too late now.

Go and ad-lib.

Are you alright?

Yes. Oh, no.

You're in trouble, you hit me hard.

If I get nasty

your pants are finished.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Don't repent now, at worst I'll let you hug me.

You be the godmother I'll be the baby.

You're crazy, you're crazy, you've got AIDS.

You're head's bigger than Kenny B but your mind's like a baby's.

You've made me lose face.

I'll shoot you till you're finished.

Boss, I...

Well, don't expect to go on anymore.

Oh no, I've been fired.

Sit down, Have some tea.

Hello, Guys.

Have some tea...

Have some tea...

How have you been getting on?

So-so.

Frankly I'm now out of a job.

Me too.

Who'll pay for this meal then?

Cousin, the elder should pay.

This should be your treat.

Have you no sympathy.

I've already decided to go straight.

I can't chop or frame anyone anymore.

I can't charge high interest either.

I've no more means of making a living.

Please, for heaven's sake,

Pay for this.

You may drive me to desperation

if you insist I pay for this.

Keep cool, keep cool.

I've offended big sister, anymore.

I have no standing in the Cantonese Opera world anymore.

Cousins, with a good voice like mine

what other acting can I do?

Mime.

Cousin,

of us four you look the richest.

No way.

I look like Chin Han but I have no lover like Liu Ching Hsia.

I look like Erin Tung Shung.

But I have no lover like Cheung Man Yuk.

I look like Lau Tack Wah but...

Who is it? Who is it?

And why doesn't Madonna like me?

All bloody nonsense.

I've been muttering nothing but nonsense.

Well, let's not argue anymore. Yo.

You be the host in respect of the three elders okay?

Why?

Because your name is frailty and you can't complain.

Oh, on the crossroads.

I don't know which way to go.

If I were a girl I'd become a taxi dancer.

With looks like yours you'd be done for.

Damn you.

Oh look, over there.

What is it?

What does it say?

Jesus saves. Uncle Kin saves Hong Kong.

Have your car fixed by Kin, you need fear no tanks.

He helps you emigrate and be free.

So many benefits. You could buy a house if you worked here.

Of course.

Aren't you uncle Kin?

Well, if you hadn't told me,

I would have known you were looking for work.

Although I've had 2000 applicants for only 4 vacancies

I'll give you young men a chance

by giving you an interview. Come in.

Hey, you promised to help me emigrate.

You'd have to choose countries other than the Soviet Union and China. First.

Even if it's the last one I'll follow.

Can you afford an investment of US$1 million?

What about half a million?

What about $200,000?

Are you a university graduate and have you special skills?

Forget it then.

You can only emigrate to two places,

the north pole

or Aricutta in Africa.

The hottest temperatures in summer

is 110 below at north pole zero.

Aricutta.

It's like spring the four seasons,

the girls are all beautiful like flowers,

fruits are abundant everywhere and you don't have to work.

I want to go to Aricutta.

But the AIDS rate is 90%% %

that means 9 AIDS sufferers out of 10 people.

Well you'd better go then.

But don't worry,

if you sign this contract with us

you'll not only get benefits

but assurances of immigration to a paradise.

What do you say?

Let's accept it for the time being.

You young men have no legal common sense.

You signed it

without asking about the working hours and the terms.

Luckily you came upon me.

Listen, you work 18 hours per day,

17 hours on Sundays

and get 11 months pay each year.

Your pay on the month of my birthday is deducted for my gift.

Your monthly wages are $1,300 each.

$700 is deducted for one day's leave and $500 for late arrival.

Your first six months pay will be deducted as security.

Besides fixing cars

you've got to do household work for me

like cooking and doing the laundry. Understand?

Before you worked with horses, now you're a menial worker.

You're well served.

Beautiful, four beautiful girls.

Beautiful, but are they meant for us?

I don't mind coming up to hang clothes everyday now.

Young ladies our greetings to you.

Louder.

Can you do it? Let me help you.

Hey beautiful, want to go to Cheung Kwok Wing's concert?

I've got tickets, it's free.

Why no response?

Could they be fans of Alan Tam?

What a stinking mouth.

Hey, they could be acting?

No, no. Go and test them out.

I first.

I am willing to fallow you.

Only three ropes left, I'll be counted out for sure.

Someone is going to shoot themselves over.

I'll do you a favor and let you go.

Okay, you go.

How touching

You really are nice cousin.

Go on bitch.

I'll count up to three and fly over.

1, 2,

2 and a half,

3, go

Hey Dried Pork why aren't we moving?

What are you up to?

It's stuck.

Come on, pull me up now.

Oh no, all three ropes are stuck.

Let me get someone to help you.

Hurry up.

I will.

Damn,

he's still not back.

I'll mince him.

On no the rope's going to...

Shut your stinking mouth.

Help, help.

Taking a bath?

Sex fiends. Sex fiends.

Sex fiends.

One more sex maniac.

One more ugly sex maniac.

What? I'm a member of the flying tiger squad.

Flying tiger squad?

He asked for it.

He really is coming up. Let's stand by.

Okay, wait till he gets close.

1, 2, 3...

You would scare them off.

Oh, it hurts.

Boss, headquarters wants you back.

Hurry up.

Get me in first.

You don't have to.

Hello ladies and gentlemen.

Today is the official opening of Jim Kee Garage.

We offer 30%% % off all services.

Mr. Kwan is here.

It's that bore again.

Let's get going.

Uncle Jim have you got a new employee?

My sister-in-law Man.

Mr. Kwan, Ching, Tack, Mun.

Come here, let me introduce you to Mr. Kwan.

My three daughters Mr. Kwan.

Hi.

Hello, don't come round when you have time.

Sorry, my two sisters are cranky,

please don't blame them.

I won't, anyway you're different.

Not any different.

Damn, he's taken away my customers.

Hello... come here.

Go and tout for customers.

Hi father, want to have your car fixed?

Yes, but...

Don't hesitate, we can fix anything.

I tell you,

Don't ever patronize them,

their service is lousy.

And they don't believe in god, patronize us.

You get free barbecue pork buns from us too.

Mine's a bicycle.

We can fix it all the same.

Hey, come here.

Hey, Lau Ting Kin.

You've gone too far.

Is this any of your business?

God has sent a priest to patronize us.

Complain to god if you'd prefer.

You talk too much.

He's my customer.

I'm a Christian, I pray every day.

You should patronize a Christian.

Father patronize me and you'll get free barbecue pork buns.

Don't argue with each other.

You have a wheel, you have a wheel too.

No.

No. They are both mine.

Is mine.

You've damaged my wheels,

I can't use it anymore.

It's alright.

Yes, get him.

Aren't you members of the flying tigers squad?

Flying tiger squad?

Well, can't I do that?

Bite my head, it's hard.

Bite my chest, it has bones.

Bite my potbelly, it's tough.

Bite me.

I don't want to say that.

Don't bite that.

You're damned.

I have no more wheels.

What happened?

Lau Ting-Kin

and those four bastards came to snatch my business.

Don't waste your time on these ignorant people.

This is the property of my property company.

Tomorrow I'll announce a rent rise of 30 times.

What, did I offend your mother?

There's no point in getting excited.

Hey, what's up?

Don't try anything foolish.

Don't worry I'm here.

Watch out.

It stinks,

it scared all the customers off.

And my sister's in a coma too. Go now.

Go now.

You did it.

How dare you lay hands on my boss.

Hey, what's the idea?

I'll get you too, damn you.

Hey, come and give me a hand.

We will for some money.

I'll give all my money to you.

That's different.

If you hadn't had got away I would have castrated you.

Hey, pay up.

Don't worry, I'll keep my promise.

What? 80 cents?

I only keep up to $10 in my pocket.

I'd rather borrow then lend to others.

Are you alright daddy?

How are you brother-in-law?

Lau Ting Kin took me unawares.

How dare they beat my daddy.

Get a spanner to hit them.

Don't use a spanner to fight.

Don't be nice to those kind of people.

Men can't be killed with spanners.

- Use a softball bat. - Okay.

How can this be?

It hurts.

It hurts, I won't do it again.

I promise I won't resist anymore.

Don't hit me, please.

At worse I'll let you do anything you like.

So, daddy has beaten them up.

If they die daddy might get jailed.

Man, get plasters to dress their wounds.

Go and see to them.

Are you alright?

You howl like a dog. Come on.

You're not as badly hurt as I am.

I'm badly hurt, pity me.

Wait for the ambulance then.

Okay.

You don't care about how I suffer.

So poor.

I'll get some plasters for him in a minute.

In fact I'm suffering even more internally.

Is that so?

A mental illness requires mental treatment.

You mean that

if we go out with you for a meal

and a movie you'll recover.

Right, right, right.

It's too expensive.

Buy back stalls, $30 is too much for loge.

I'm lucky.

Don't laugh, it could be a trick.

Let me go out and see.

Man Man, Man Man.

Yes?

You look like your bigger sister Ting.

I think of her when I see you.

Don't.

I wish I had...

a chance to chat to you alone

to show my feelings for your bigger sister.

You mustn't.

My sister died years ago.

Isn't it boring talking about her now?

Don't be loutish.

Wait for me in the street

at 7:30 if you want to date me.

Oh, I'm lucky.

My methods of seducing girls are great.

I'm sending it to Japan to see if any garage will buy it.

What's so special?

Once a girl gets in,

the seat belt, once fastened, can't be undone.

It gets tighter and tighter.

To avoid seducing the wrong girl,

lights will shine on her.

Once turned on,

any dentures, false lashes, wigs, padded bras are visible.

After the check up one push

will turn the seat into a bed.

And there's soft music and laser lights.

Another device is the automatic safety system.

It serves as a reminder to you.

So you can mix with any girls in the world.

I love it.

Such a fantastic car may cause vandalism.

The two sides of the bonnet...

can spray red paint and plastic bullets.

Anyone scratching it will get hit.

And the rear of the car can emit a stinking smell.

It can shoot at anyone trying to beep you.

Besides,

there are two loudspeakers on the top

so you can quarrel with anyone.

They'll definitely drown out any other sounds.

I like that.

Well, what if she smelt bad or exposed her defects?

Right.

Don't worry, pushing this button will catapult the person beside you

out of the car.

Hey, why have you taken away my design?

If this car should fall into your sex fiend hands

any innocent girl in Hong Kong would be finished.

Let me try.

I give you three days to turn one out.

This car costs at least $300,000.

Hell, $30,000, $3,000 will fix it.

$3,000?

Sorry, no way.

How can we buy spare parts with only $3,000?

There's nothing I can do.

The trouble is your name is frailty.

Won't you join us?

Yes, yes.

Yes, yes.

Come in and take him to the roof to do an opera.

Buddy.

I told you not to call me buddy.

It's underworld slang only.

They take the law into their own hands.

And call me Big Brother.

Big Brother, we'll castrate anyone who joins us.

There's no point in adopting small brothers.

You're crazy, 1997 is approaching fast.

Without money how can we emigrate?

We're members of the underworld, no worries.

Those old fellows are members of the underworld as well.

But they destroy anyone who goes against them.

They'll frame anyone for any crime.

They talk black into white and kill many innocents.

Yet they say none have been killed.

Aren't they worse than us?

Well, take it as bargaining over terms then.

There number is one billion.

What have we got? To talk with a hair, idiot?

No, look.

500 dollars.

Right, right.

Make a counter offer if you prefer. Come in.

Please.

A guest.

Yo, let's come back later.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

What, are you trying to make trouble?

Once inside you must buy.

Buy, buy, buy.

Leave your thumbprint and bring $500,000 tomorrow.

It said $500, why half a million now?

$500 for the windscreen only,

the car costs $500,000.

How can we have half a million?

How much have you got?

Only $3,000.

Well, we'll take this money as a visiting fee.

You don't have to buy. Go now.

Big Brother why don't you bring them in?

One weighs less than 100 pounds

and the other's less than 5'2".

Even the police station won't take them, let alone us.

Tell them to leave thumbprints.

They've voluntarily paid us this for the visit.

Take off their clothes and throw them out.

Go now.

Outrageous. What a frame up.

Why don't you let me frame you instead?

Those thugs are tough.

I've never seen any tough guys in my life.

Keep cool,

fists can't fight four hands.

What then? Are we to call it quits?

Now Yo has no more money for spare parts

we should get a car to fool around with.

My friend's got a van, let's borrow it off him.

What about the spare parts?

Let's try to get them from the market.

Where is it?

In the street.

Are we going out at midnight?

Pick any piece you like.

Those four really are lazy,

they've closed already.

Bad Man.

Uncle Kin a Bad Man car.

A Bad Man car?

A Bad Man car plus a Bad Man robe.

That's quite smart.

Well I'll let you leave 15 minutes earlier tonight.

Bad Man robe.

Mummy a vampire.

Don't be afraid, don't be afraid.

They say vampire.

Bye.

Your car's funny, let me drive it.

You can't.

Let me drive it or I won't listen to you.

Okay, you win.

Man Man, I think you're more beautiful than your sister.

When you first stepped into the entrance of my garage,

I knew you were a consolation prize from heaven.

Turn on the music, I'm so bored.

Push the button please.

What's going on?

You may unfasten your seatbelt.

Try this, I want some music.

- Sun Ma Tsai. - Yes?

It's so jarring.

Switch to another station.

Breakthrough hour compared by Rev. Dulles.

The one betide those who commit adultery.

Don't, god forbid.

Woe betide those who adulterate.

Ladies, don't be misled by so-called love

and don't get involved in sexual complications.

So you're a love crook.

Don't listen to this nonsense.

Hey, don't go away.

He's only muttering nonsense.

Don't believe in it.

Damn that car, let's wreck it.

What now?

Keep calm.

Listen, all of you freeze.

Don't be threatened by them.

We'll wreck your car.

Don't. You're lucky,

I used plastic bullets.

Had I used real bullets like they did you'd have died.

Let's attack from behind.

Oh, it's stinker than manure.

Well, I already warned you extras.

Now get out or we'll kill you.

Let me push the button to see if it works.

Don't do it at random. Don't.

No.

Help!

Help!

Does it hurt badly?

Damn you, damn you.

An invention? What invention?

Oh, uncle Kin.

You really got beaten up badly.

I should have got you to take some insurance out.

Then you'd be getting compensation now.

What?

Insurance against assault arising from libel,

sexual harassment or bad looks.

If only you can prove either one you'd get 25%%% .

I'm lucky, I can prove all of them.

Some time ago

Chan Pai Cheung was assaulted in Australia

and he got 100%% % compensation.

Would I benefit by getting it through you as a go between?

Well let me go out for a rest.

Hello uncle Kin.

I've only just started. Buy some.

In return I'll help you seduce that girl next door.

Hello. You can help us.

Okay.

Take out some insurance.

Is it true you're a love doctor?

Are you sure?

Sure.

As your friend,

let me show you something.

If it works take out some insurance with me.

We're taking the four girls from next door to a movie tomorrow night.

Good, good, we can seduce them there.

These are the rudimentary 13 ways to seduce a girl.

Arrange the chairs.

There are girls and girls.

There are many ways to seduce them.

Come here you.

He wants you to go over.

Go over.

Come on, sit down.

Brave men like me do it this way.

Pat you hand on her shoulder.

Then attack like an avalanche.

Paw her all over like a hurricane.

You make it or part with $30 to get off the hook.

This suits me best.

What about the second way?

Sure, play small if it suits you best.

Take her to her seat inside the cinema.

Take off your coat like a gentleman.

Miss, it's cold in here, keep covered.

Thank you.

Not bad.

Remember, don't play tough.

Wait patiently till the show is over.

Play it cool,

"the air-conditioning is so cold."

Oh, it's so cold.

"It's so cold I'm trembling."

The more you shake the more you get closer.

The more you shake, the closer.

It's so cold, so cold.

Seeing you trembling with cold

she won't stop you, will she?

You get closer and closer

and then you get warm and it works.

This is called "dramatic." Understand?

So-so

What if you should come upon a tough girl

and you want to cool her off?

What have you got then?

That's a good question.

Here's the trick of "touching the elbow."

What good is there in touching an elbow?

Touching the elbow?

As I said, you're not yet up to scratch.

The elbow is an important strategic position.

A girl won't resist this strongly.

Now, listen, you sit next to her

and stretch out her hand slowly to touch her elbow.

Attack if the opportunity arises.

Touch, touch or retreat if need be.

Attack openly or attack secretly.

If you don't attack just touch her hand.

Or attack by putting your hand on her other hand.

In fact you're still touching her.

Be flexible.

Great, you really are a love doctor.

Right.

One thing you must remember is

that girls of the 90's have a strange mentality.

They want to be seduced

but don't want to show they can be easily seduced.

So take a low-key stance.

Make believe you're seducing her

when you've already won her heart.

Make believe you've gained nothing.

Then she'll keep her pride and love you from the bottom of her heart. Right?

Yes, okay.

Good, remember it well.

Now take out some insurance with me

Okay?

Yes, but do me a favour.

Man Man, Tack Ching, Mun. Beautiful,

where's Bluffer Jim?

In the toilet. What for?

So much the better.

I'm bringing you tickets

from those boys next door.

Don't let daddy hear you. Show me.

Look on the back and it tells you where to meet.

Hello.

Why no toilet paper?

Oh, Jim.

Jim it has been a long time.

Hello, uh.

Are you after my sister-in-law or my daughters?

I have something important to talk to you about.

Do come in.

Hey, what is he up to?

No idea.

You know what a brinkman is?

I saw him in a show.

I'm a brinkman.

Oh. Your neighbor Lau Ting Kin

is none other than an underworld boss.

I imagined that.

I'm an undercover agent.

Recently he was getting suspicious so I had to quit.

He's cold blooded.

Those 4 boys of different sizes are killers.

They even finished off some cops.

Besides this,

they killed cops at the Vietnamese refugee camp too.

He's perverted. He peeped in when I was taking a bath.

He sure is.

They're suspected of being involved in sodomy cases.

What shall I do then?

Don't worry.

If you cooperate with the police.

Pretend to be nice to them.

If they date your daughters

let them go out with them to avoid suspicion.

Remember, watch Lau Ting Kin.

Call me if anything happens.

I'm in a dangerous situation then?

Well, I'll find someone else.

There's a million dollars for the arrest of Lau Ting Kin.

I'm a model citizen.

No one can do the job better than me.

Here it is.

Brother-in-law what happened?

Nothing, nothing.

Well, if the boys next door date you

don't turn them down.

Remember.

Hi.

Oh, it's you.

We'd better go in.

Go in? Okay.

One packet each of cuttle fish and dried beef please.

Okay.

Oh, it's you.

Sure, am I a disgrace to you?

I don't mean that.

What are you staring at?

I'll kill your whole family, set fire to your house.

Popcorn please.

Let's go in.

Okay, buy something to eat.

Hey, one whole bag of popcorn, bigger.

Well, I forgive you.

Let's go in, please follow me.

Not yet up to 18 years of age?

I've got a ticket.

Sorry, go now.

Show me your ID card.

What?

People under the age of 18

are not allowed to see this category three movie.

I'm already 28.

Show me your ID card.

I forgot to bring it.

Go home and get it or you'll be barred.

I really am 28 years old.

Tell him how old I am.

Sixteen.

You go in now, I'll go home to get it.

Oh, it's you. Where's Mun Mun?

I dated Mun Mun, I must leave.

I've dated you.

You're crafty, you've brought me to a horror picture.

- Don't just stand there let's get going. - Yes.

Excuse me.

Hi, come and sit down.

Oh it's you Dried Pork.

It's you.

Advance or retreat?

What?

It's a 3-D movie.

The fists come right to your face.

Put these glasses on first.

Advance or retreat?

Keep your eyes on the screen.

Are you cold?

Let me take off my coat to cover you up.

No, keep it for yourself.

Oh it doesn't work. Let me try the other trick.

One girl every day, don't touch my girl.

I've seduced her for 3 years

but have never touched her leg. Now you've stolen a march.

Sorry, sorry.

Next time don't do it.

I knew you'd cry but not the way you do.

Look, she's crying with such good presentation.

Not as bad as you did.

Pretend not to know me,

sit over there please.

I'm scared to sit alone.

I'll take the seat then.

I will.

If I knew who'd directed this movie

I'd chop him into 90 pieces.

Look, everyone's working like hell.

He must be new to directing,

look everyone's wearing a stony face.

They're all black men.

Hush.

Damn you,

I booed it because it's disgusting, damn you.

Why?

Why no bedroom scene and no stripping?

She's a nun.

Does a nun have to take a bath?

No smoking here pal.

Which of your eyes saw me smoking?

This one.

To hell with you.

You can't see it now can you?

No.

Can't see it now.

What was that line?

I don't know, I don't know.

If I knew who the director was

I'd chop that bastard.

He's a French director.

He died a long time ago.

I see.

My brothers in France must've finished him off.

Hey pal, quiet please.

Why don't you shout at someone else?

Do you enjoy staring at me?

Don't watch it anymore as punishment.

Don't look anywhere else. Grab your ears.

Advance or retreat?

Don't you know what I did before?

Dairy farm. Open attack, secret attack.

Hello, ID card.

So you're already 18.

Yes.

- What's up? - Are out of your mind?

Does the HK government say

anyone with an ID card can see movies?

Tickets?

Dropped.

Don't worry, I'll buy another one.

Oh no. What about me?

You saw me holding a ticket just now.

My girlfriend is watching the movie inside.

Only our manager can decide on this.

Where's your manager?

In the toilet.

Manager, manager?

Yes.

Wait, give me a ticket first.

I can't, I have an internal disorder.

Give me a ticket first.

Wait till I've finished.

No, sell me a ticket first.

What kind of show is it?

Red Bean Puree Lovers part 29.

It's not a good film,

I must go in.

Don't,

sell me a ticket first.

Category 3 films like this poison youngsters.

You may lose your mind watching it.

I'll give you a ticket after I finish.

No, the show will be over then,

don't go.

No, I can't hold on anymore.

I beg you to sell me a ticket.

I Don't watch such a boring show anymore.

If you want, watch a Wong Jim show. Understand?

Hold it.

Say goodbye to me.

Goodbye.

Hey, come here.

Look we've got allot of face right?

Yes.

We may go in.

The show's over little friend.

Wait for them okay.

Who were you seeing the film with?

Lo Kar Ling.

What happened?

What did she do?

She was really scared by the film.

Well, your sister's are here.

Sisters let's go.

Hey, let's have snacks at Temple Street,

I'll pay.

Don't be so formal. Go in and see your friend.

Friend.

Dried Pork.

Hey Dried Pork it's over.

Dried Pork are you alright?

Hey, what's wrong. Why was the show so long?

The moment it started it ended.

One punch knocked me unconscious.

Next time don't count me in.

Okay, okay.

Why are you sighing?

Now Tianamen knows you are frustrated in love.

Oh.

It was all the fault of Lau Pei.

He mixed up all the tickets.

He's damned.

I'm bringing you the insurance policies.

Damn you.

I should have chopped you.

I know you've been in a mess.

I'm here to bring you some news.

What is it?

The people from Darkie Garage opposite

are surrounding Bluffer Jim's shop.

Your garage affects our business.

I'm persuading you to change your business

to avoid unnecessary competition.

That sounds like a threat.

We can talk it over.

We're all for democracy and freedom.

We won't interfere in each others business.

As of now anything that happens to you, fire,

car crash, assault,

burglary,

burst water pipes etc,

these are none of my business.

I didn't want to expose my identity,

but now I must.

I am a Royal Hong Kong Policeman

and a brinkman assigned to watch gang bosses.

Brinkman?

Daddy what's a brinkman?

Big Brother it could be a hoax.

I wish it wasn't true.

Let's go over to ask Lau Ting Kin.

Good, Big Brother.

You're smart.

Thank you, let's have some tea first.

Scared, if you had left any later I would have shot you.

Hey, stand there. None of you shall leave.

Don't take sides with Bluffer Jim.

Anyway we have nothing to do.

Nothing? I'll give you some work to do.

My shoes are torn, glue them for me.

And you fix that fan in the room.

And you,

get a pole to hit that rat in the toilet.

Okay.

Pretend to be a Big Brother.

Next time it will be your turn.

I don't mind.

Oh, here he is.

Who's Lau Ting Kin?

It's him.

What's up? Who's looking for my boss?

Come on.

Well question him.

Hello, any staff here?

See for yourself.

Oh, Kun Sin Hai is here.

Big Brother test out his poems.

It won't work...

Watch fireworks from the 99th floor

and lose a big melon.

Peace benefits everybody.

I want you mommy if not your daddy.

Please enlighten me.

Lo Kar Ling you fix him.

Dried Pork is more educated, you let him solve it.

Right, right.

Go on, go on.

To see a show, see Chow Yun Fat.

To wear a watch wear Enigar.

Use insecticide spray for cockroach and drink Carlsberg.

Damn you your advertising.

So, he's good for nothing.

And he claims to be a brinkman, a big brother.

Get the men to pull down that shop opposite.

Yes.

Let's pull this down.

Okay.

Who dares do it?

What now?

I only want to know why.

Big Brother don't, just say what you want.

Don't call me Big Brother to expose myself.

As of tomorrow don't be in the garage business.

You can do anything else.

Otherwise I'll pull your shop down.

If I see you in the garage business tomorrow

I'll turn nasty.

Let's go.

What? To play a brinkman?

Damn Bluffer Jim, you're finished once and for all.

Daddy, what now?

Don't laugh, it was all your fault.

You lied to me about being a brinkman.

I hate your guys.

Never mind them, let's go.

Daddy, are you alright?

Uncle Kin what shall we do?

At worst we'll switch to another business.

Anyhow we have no business now.

What line of business?

I'll make you a recommendation.

I know a sea food hot pot restaurant

that is closing down.

Let's take over their business and run it.

Okay, okay, anything will do.

But remember it will have to be set up with $300 only.

Here you are.

What's wrong? Why are all of you being idle?

There's no customers.

The shop next door is opening today

and doing a roaring business.

Welcome, welcome.

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for coming.

Today's the opening of Jim Jim barbecue poultry.

Free gifts for any children.

Well, Lau Ting Kin, no business?

Close your shop and work for me.

I'll pay you $8 an hour,

better than McDonald's.

Who financed your beautiful decorations?

Money is no problem.

Mr. Kwan gave me the capital,

he's now my partner.

Lau Ting Kin your lease expires in 3 months.

I'll increase your rent 20 times then.

Outrageous, he's got chicken and duck costumes.

Free balloons and this attracts business.

Hey, they're dressed as chickens and ducks to sell chickens and ducks.

Let's dress as seafood to sell seafood.

Damn it.

Ladies and gentlemen come in please.

Kin Ke's seafood hot pot restaurant's fine.

Ladies and gentlemen you're welcome.

Hello, come in to eat.

Hi, Kin Ke's hot pot is the best.

Hi, hi, hi.

Miss Oyster is glamorous and bewitching.

Hi, hi, hi.

Free flats and $100,000 gifts.

Why are you hitting me?

Are you crazy?

$100,000 for everyone?

Why?

Let's count the number generously.

Right, right.

Right.

$100,000 for everyone.

Hey, hey, hey. No soup, hey.

Bring the soup.

Hurry up.

Hey didn't you say there would be a Miss Oyster?

Where is she?

She's putting on her makeup and will be here soon.

Eat the hot pot first. It won't be long.

No way, she won't appear. She wants to raise the price.

Call for uncle Kin at once.

Hey sister why are you being so naughty?

You didn't tell me there'd be so many men out there.

They may swallow me if I go out.

Pay me $3,000 more

and I'll go out for this special appearance.

What? You'd better kill me?

Introducing Miss Oyster.

Miss Oyster, Miss Oyster, Miss Oyster.

Ladies and gentlemen before her performance

let's draw a lucky member from the audience.

He is Yiu Siu Hung.

Mr. Yuan,

only by turning our lucky wheel to this section

will you get a flat.

A flat, a flat, a flat.

Over, over, over.

Congratulations to Mr. Yiu Siu Hung on winning...

an onion.

What's wrong?

- The onion. - Never mind.

Only if you answer a simple question correctly

you will get our special prize,

that is to spend one night with Miss Oyster in Kowloon Tong

for the weekend.

Great.

It's simple, take it easy.

Which singer has recently held 38 concert shows?

Alan Tam.

His father Tam Pak Wong.

Not yet finished, his uncle Tam Shing King.

Not yet,

an auntie's, auntie's grandnephew's grandauntie's auntie's cousin's son.

Who is it?

Tips, tips please.

Not Anita Mui.

You can't answer it.

Alan Tam.

He's real smart to have answered it.

I'm not,

I turned over the paper and saw what was written on it.

Miss Oyster, Miss Oyster, Miss Oyster.

Don't stare, it's mine.

Please keep calm, keep calm.

It's a set up.

Pay up, hey.

Hey, trying to sponge?

Hey, pay up.

Pay up now.

What is it creep?

You can't compete with me Lau Ting Kin, close down.

Damn you bastard,

bet I kill you.

I'm not afraid of your stinking shrimps and crab.

Fish, shrimps, crabs, bet, bet.

It's crab.

Crab, banker takes all.

Chicken, banker takes again, pays one.

Hey, stop that.

Uncle Kin, there's a game over there.

I'll bet on crab,

I've $3,000 ready.

Bet, bet.

$5,000 on shrimp.

Medium shrimp.

Cops, cops, let's run.

Hey, why are you getting out of hand?

They're even more unruly.

I don't care.

Anyway it's over between us.

Creep.

Go back in.

Oh, I forgot the detergent.

Deraxol, Deraxol.

It's for chicken only,

not for you.

Sorry.

All four villains are here.

Let's get out of here.

They're leaving now. What shall we do?

Get someone to say something nice.

Good idea.

I can't do it.

I'll stab you.

Don't be such a bore.

I'm not a bore.

I'm serious.

I'm fond of you.

Shit!

I love your body allot.

Buddy, don't bully my sister.

Tall sister he's jilting your sister.

Talk it over if you have the nerve.

Who cares? A man using violence is no good.

Right, a girl should be kissed, not beaten.

Let's talk it over.

Go away, go away.

What's up?

Don't be a stumbling block.

Be smart.

They all want too seduce you like I do.

Love is not a crime.

Why did you help Lau to beat my daddy?

Well, I won't take sides from now on.

What?

I'll try to make them reconcile.

Are you sure?

Oh, what's wrong?

Going to a party?

We're going to a disco with four girls tonight.

We're taking part in a hot dancing contest.

Congratulations.

Well for old times sake let me show you something good.

A discount card for a male beauty parlour.

One for each man,

keep it.

Why are you always jump in and out?

What are you doing?

Why are you dancing to and for dressed up as gigolos?

They're going to a disco with four girls.

You creeps, you were counting me out.

No way, we're not as smart as you are.

You're modest.

Let's go together tonight.

I'll seduce all your girls

unless I have another one.

How come?

Thank you very much gentlemen.

Are you satisfied with our service?

Yes, very much.

Yes, very much.

As a token of thanks

we offer 20%% % off and free gifts too.

Well,

don't ever give us the shrinking mixture.

I tried it before and felt the pinch.

No, it's rejuvenation pills.

What're they for?

One pill removes wrinkles.

Your skin will look feel tender and you'll look five years younger.

Thank you, let me give it to them for you.

Let's put it aside.

Take a rest sir.

Dried Pork what were you drinking?

What's the matter?

Are you alright sir?

Oh no uncle Kin, look.

Oh, I'm blind.

Uncle Kin.

One's blind and the other's dumb.

Hey, are you alright?

Give me a barbecue pork bun please.

What? Barbecue pork bun?

What did you say?

Are you dumb?

Alas.

Oh no, one's blind, one's dumb and one's mute.

What shall we do then?

Damn it.

In tears the princess offers to the shrine.

What would you like to drink sir?

What would you like to drink sir?

Alas!

What would you drink?

Cheers.

Damn it, why's Lau Ting Kin still not here?

I'll chop him dead.

Cousin she's lighting your cigarette for you.

No.

What are you doing?

He wants a glass of milk from you.

Go and get it from your mummy.

Cousin.

Play it cool come what may.

If you talk I'll talk as well.

Cousin,

don't run around.

Okay.

Oh cousin.

Just remind me with hand signals.

Are you possessed?

Nonsense, I'm taking part in the dancing competition.

I might win thousands in prizes.

I go to toilet first.

Damn you, bloody Lau Ting Kin.

She's beautiful.

Sorry uncle.

Sorry uncle.

This old man's quite presentable.

Yes.

Uncle? Who's uncle?

Am I looking so old?

Luckily I've taken away theirs too.

Let me take a few pills.

Ha, they're coming.

Hi.

Over there.

Hi.

Hi.

Chou Sze Pok let's dance,

the music's hot.

I only just got here, maybe later.

I'm in the mood now.

You're in the mood.

I went out with a friend,

passed through a lane at the junction of Kormu Street,

saw a cassette stand

and bought Hsu Lau Sin's Pavilion Willow.

It was newly recorded and of a high standard.

Have you got a good voice?

Teach me how to sing.

I've already eaten, I've already eaten.

We don't seem to be speaking the same language.

Whose cock is it? Whose hen is it?

Oh no.

What's wrong? Come and dance.

Come on.

Hey, where shall we go after dancing?

Why are you so quiet? Playing cool?

Well go on, go on.

It's fixed,

may I borrow your boyfriend.

Let's go.

Where to?

You've offended her,

go and say sorry.

Go and soothe her, go on.

Oh, a blind men at a disco.

We're here to listen to the music.

Can someone take me to the toilet?

Chow Sze Pok help him.

Me? Where's the toilet.

The toilet's over there. It's opposite the dance floor, go now.

- Get going. - Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Toilet, toilet, toilet.

Cousin don't worry.

Move forward 10 steps and push the door.

When the music dies down just piss.

Oh.

Move forward 10 steps, the toilet.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6,

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

No more music, must be here.

I'll do it here.

Oh, flashers.

Well, hold it. Keep it.

You keep it.

Thank you.

Have you got a mentally retarded younger brother?

No, he's my bigger brother.

He's much younger than you.

Me, old, let me take a few more pills.

Thank you for your participation tonight.

We'd like to thank these famous dancers for acting

as our panel too.

Well, let's start the competition.

Ready?

Hello, ready, ready.

Now the first participant, Mr. Kwan.

Oh, not bad.

Are you alright Uncle Kin?

I'm alright.

Good.

Great, great.

Yes. Now the second participant...

Mr. Lau Ting Kin.

Great, great.

It's yours term.

Damn I'm shrinking again.

What are you doing?

How can you dance then?

Why not, I've betted everything on it.

Oh, it really is him.

Even a moron is participating.

Get up, get up, I'll back you up.

Get up.

Ladies and gentlemen Mr. Lau Ting Kin is a moron.

He took part in this competition...

to raise money for the mentally retarded.

Please contribute in cash or in kind to support him.

Money.

Pennies from heaven.

You've won, you've won.

You've won, you've won.

I really admire your perseverance sister.

Here's the $10,000 prize.

Thank you sister.

Sister you have a very nice gold watch.

I haven't got any watch.

It's a ladies watch, it's not for you.

Sister, sister.

Well don't cry, don't cry.

Don't cry.

Take this $10,000

and buy one yourself.

Thank you, thank you sister.

Brother-in-law have you thought it over?

It's in vogue for every company to relocate.

Once Mr. Kwan acquires Jim barbecue poultry restaurant...

the company will be listed in Mannis with stocks issued.

We're going to be rich.

And you may even process your immigration.

Right.

Where's Mannis?

In Africa, it's a men's paradise.

Women are subordinate to men...

and men may legally take a dozen wives.

When shall we go then?

Soon. The contract stipulates that you,

your 3 daughters and your sister-in-law Mun Mun...

can get passports...

once you've worked there for 3 years.

Boss,

what's with your idea of sending them all to Mannis?

They confronted us and I must beat them.

All the cops in Mannis are my men...

and money makes the mare run.

I want all his daughters to marry me.

After I get fed up with them I'll sell them to Negroes.

There must be something wrong.

Of course, he's craftier than Sze Kin.

There must be something wrong.

Right, who knows where Mannis is.

Is it worth taking the trip?

We better send someone to do a survey.

But the man must be wise,

sagacious and a good fighter.

He must also be smart and brave.

Chow Sze Pok.

I overheard your compliment about me

while I was in the toilet.

But I will never go there.

Don't pick on me.

You can't change your mind.

Hey Dried Pork where are you now?

Hello uncle Kin, I'm in Mannis.

I'm calling from the peak.

Well how is it over there?

It has a picturesque landscape like paradise.

Believe it or not there are only girls here.

I haven't seen one man for a whole month.

Oh, we're lucky.

There's no need to bring to much money here.

US$10 for one whole month.

Sounds like our friends, hold on.

Savages, I'm finished.

Help.

You must go now, you've already signed the contract.

Oh, there are savages over there.

Are we to go over there and been cooked for dinner?

It's by mutual consent.

Tramp.

Beautiful, don't talk nonsense.

I've got a witness here.

When you're in Mannis you'll be grateful.

Brother-in-law what shall we do now?

How do I know?

Listen, though you're bad to me

I won't let you be eaten by savages.

Let me try something to fix it for you.

Oh, Jim.

Don't come here anymore.

I've already opened a poultry restaurant to avoid you.

Thank you for your help...

but help me once more.

I want to open a Kee Kei poultry and fish ball shop...

to sell chicken and fish balls.

I'll pay you $50,000 for your shop.

Don't bully us, we have protection.

We have protection.

We have a protector?

Mr. Kwan.

That sissy man who just left?

Our big brother is rich, powerful and regal.

He claims he'll settle everything through legal channels.

Well, let me see how powerful he is.

Let's talk terms with him at noon tomorrow.

No, to talk only.

What did you say just now?

Don't be silly. One of them goes by the law,

the other depends on his underworld influence.

Let's use our brains to fight them.

Uncle Ji,

tell Mr. Kwan we're protected by Darkie Fung.

Tell him to come here to talk terms at noon tomorrow.

Aren't you Darkie Fung?

Yes, you must be Mr. Kwan.

Sounds like that movie several months ago.

I copied it from Chiu Yung's Lu Ting Chi.

Up to my ears in debt my whole life.

I can't even be redeemed by flesh and blood.

If the collector pursues too hard.

It could be fatal.

No repayment left and right, no repayment left and right.

Dragged on indefinitely, indefinitely.

I didn't want to expose my identity

but at this crucial moment

I need your help buddy.

What's so special about money? Even you ingratiate yourself.

I don't fear the underworld, I have lots of money.

You only have one unit.

I could pay to hire 10 units to gang against you.

He's rich and powerful, don't get involved.

Boss you're a notable, don't quarrel with the underworld.

It's not worthwhile.

Anything can be talked over.

Big brother don't compromise.

Finish him off, our men are coming.

Act now boss, before his men arrive.

Get him.

Peace benefits all. Don't act on impulses.

Keep cool, keep cool.

Well Darkie Fung...

we tried to persuade our big brother.

He'll pay $100,000 once and for all.

We won't interfere in each others business.

From now on don't get men to cope with him. Okay?

How about this?

Mr. Kwan we'll persuade him to pay you $100,000

and you have the contract cancelled.

Otherwise we'll fight to the end. Okay?

Okay, $100,000.

Okay.

Boss, take this now don't stand to suffer.

Take it and forget it,

they seem to be after something.

Okay.

Hey Uncle Kin we've come to terms,

give me $200,000.

Come on, quick.

This time it's like a grand sale.

Lau Ting Kin I was bad to you

and you've helped me.

I really don't know how to thank you.

I'm glad you understand.

But remember

I charge 5%% % interest for my loan.

Stay there, don't go anywhere.

- Where's the contract? - Give it to him.

- The money? - No problem.

Leave through the back door

or they may misunderstand when they meet you.

Oh, how hilarious with two groups of people here.

Stop that nonsense.

Didn't you say Darkie Fung forced you to move?

And you said Mr. Kwan forced Bluffer Jim to move to Mannis.

Why aren't you on good terms now?

Why?

Let's straighten this out now.

Darkie Fung are you his big brother?

I thought you were his big brother.

What? You fooled me.

Get the contract back.

Catch.

Darkie Fung give me a hand, $300,000 if you get it.

$300,000 if you get it, come on.

Oh, you really are tough.

Hey, do you need a hand?

Of course, come on.

$5,000 if I help you.

To hell with you.

I'll call the police, only $500 if I call the police.

I'll pay you, I'll pay you.

Don't take my glue for playing.

He want to leave, catch him...

We will help you.

Beat him.

You deserve it.

Are you all right?

What shall we do now?

Just let me go.

If the police arrive...

I'll accuse you of conspiring with the underworld and blackmail.

You may get jailed.

Nonsense, I'll glue your mouth.

See if anyone dares to talk anymore.

I have an idea.

Hurry up.

Hey, wait till I open the gate.

A gang boss?

An underworld clerk?

Kun Au Ting having a gay affair?

Underworld membership ceremony.

What are they murmuring about sir?

They're mute.

Can a mute man join the underworld.

Why not?

Help us.

Help us.

Luckily you came fast sir

or they would have forced us into their membership.

Take them away too.

Take them all away, take them all away.

Why are they all out of their minds?

No idea, we've all been tied up.

Take them all to the police station.

Yes sir.

Come up, come up.

Hey, Come up.

Shut the gate quickly.

Dismissed, dismissed. Go.

You've taken them away sir.

Do we have to testify in court then?

If we can't convict them

the way they are,

we don't deserve to be called policemen.

There's no need to go to court.

Bye bye.

So much the worse.

We can't even get fees as witnesses.

Don't covet that.

We're enemies...

but it's the first time we've cooperated.

Let's continue our cooperation.

We can open a Kin-Jim Poultry hot pot restaurant.

We'll make money for sure and when we do we can emigrate.

- What do you say? - Good idea.

"1990, Hong Kong"

Big pan rice, big pan rice, Hong Kong's big pan rice.

Hong Kong's big pan rice is in the Hong Kong people's canteen.

We've got steamed, fried, cold, burnt,

soup and dumpling rice.

When in Hong Kong people's canteen...

you want nothing...

but rice because there's nothing else available.

Big pan rice, big pan rice.

"Africa"

You want brothers or gold?

Gold, Gold?

Brothers or gold?

Gold, gold.

And you, you want brothers or gold?

- What do you want? - Gold, gold.

Cousin, why do you keep so many blacks?

They're all so dark,

what else can they do but be underworld members.

You must choose gold not brothers.

Gold, gold.

"San Francisco"

Excuse me.

May I wait a show time.

Show time is coming, coming.

Look, look.

What's wrong, what's there to see?

Gentlemen

and gentlemen,

show time.

Oh, great.

Why emigrate? Why fuss?

I'd rather be a dish washer in the USA than serve the PLA.

No need to wait for democracy and freedom.

No guts to face the tanks.

Why emigrate?