All language subtitles for Silicon Valley - 06x04 - Maximizing Alphaness.TBS.English.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

Well, Colin, he did take my money.

- Now he is leaving your network.
- To go where?

Oh, to the network run by
my new friend, Laurie Bream.

- You guys, there's really no other option.
- Yes, there is.

If Hooli won't sell us Foxhole,
we could just buy Hooli.

Big question.

How do we buy Hooli?

You want this deal to close,
you bring us the forms,

get everyone's hard signature
and then bring them to me.

You're not gonna turn
your back on 30 years

of making money together, are you?

I don't want to be in business
with any of you people.

Everybody's gathered out there,

so you should probably say something.

Won't they be happy? I
freed them from Gavin.

Or your company just swallowed theirs

and you fired their founder and CEO.

- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -

All we wanted was Foxhole,

and instead we got
all these Hooli people.

We really couldn't just
fire them, sight unseen?

Uh-uh. Tracy from HR
has to do an assessment

of each person first,
then we should can them.

Oh, hey. I think I
know that guy. Uh, yeah.

What are you doing?
Did you just wave him in?

I-I don't know, automatic social shit.

Hey, Ethan! Uh...

- What are you doing here?
- You tell me, boss.

Uh, Ethan was my first
manager when I was at Hooli.

I didn't know you still worked there.

Yeah, well, we can't all
invent middle-out compression.

Uh, anyway, I-I hope I make the cut.

Yeah, well, we're having to be
creative with the merger, so...

Yeah, totally. That's why I
figured I could maybe help.

You could use Hooli OS for
your entire mobile suite.

Yeah, we're not gonna
spend months porting

Hooli software over
to our protocol, so...

- But thanks.
- Yeah, it was a good thought.

Yeah, you wouldn't have to.

When we iterated Hooli
OS 11, we reengineered

the entire network
layer to be compatible

with other protocols... and you own it.

How quickly, would you say,

you could, um, make
it work with PiperNet?

A few weeks with almost zero refactor.

How much money do you
think that could save us?

So you guys are planning
to build your own

external antennas to
deploy for the Hawaii test?

- Why?
- The zero-start problem.

Until we have a critical mass of users,

iOS and Android devices
don't have enough range.

Right, of course not, but
push-to-talk HooliPhones do.

HooliPhones?

You want us to roll out
our network on push-to-talk,

janky-ass HooliPhones?

Laugh it up, but, uh, the fact that

they still have low power,
omnidirectional antennas

means they have a radius of four miles.

What is your antenna's range?

- One mile?
- Wrong.

One-point-one-five.

Okay. Line of sight, though.

- Maybe.
- Richard,

you guys just bought
250,000 HooliPhones.

Instead of spending more money

on expensive and mediocre antennas,

why not just give away
HooliPhones for the test?

Delete.

You know, Ethan, could you

walk us through the Hooli
OS side of all this work?

Yeah, totally, but I
think it'd go faster

if I just took point and
your guys backed me up.

I'm sorry, what do
you mean, back you up?

Guys, we are in a huge hole here.

Whatever it takes to
get us out of it, please.

Um, why don't you talk to Tracy in HR,

and you can get your start-paperwork.

Cool! Looks I already earned
my keep, huh, Patches?

Patches.

Yeah. Oh, that's weird
that you remember that.

Um, so, Patches. I'll tell them.

Uh, first day at Hooli,

I wore this sweater that had
these, like, elbow pads on it.

- Anyway, uh...
- HooliPhones?

Are you fucking serious?

You just laid down and let
that guy roll all over us.

Look, I don't wanna use Hooli
shit anymore than you guys,

but this is for the greater
good of the company.

This will get us to a working test.

This will get us to Hawaii.

Hey! Holden.

I asked for a water.

♪ Silicon Valley 6x04 ♪
Maximizing Alphaness

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh... Laurie.

This will be sound.
Excuse me one minute.

- Laurie.
- Oh, Monica.

- Hello.
- Hi.

I'm now using touch as a means
to communicate friendship.

Uh-huh.

Hey, um, is that Kara Swisher?

What do guys do in there?

We are uplifting each other
while we plan our annual

Women in Tech Empowerment
panel. Kara's moderating.

Oh my God. Is that Susan...

Susan Wojcicki from YouTube.
Don't point, it's unseemly.

Laurie, you do know that I am the CFO

of a prominent tech company
and just personally led

- the acquisition of Hooli?
- Yes, I am aware.

My partner Maximo is, hmm... unpleased.

I'm just saying, I-I
would love to do the panel.

Why? You don't mentor,
you don't volunteer,

you don't develop programs for women.

You've never shown the slightest
interest in supporting women.

Of course I have! Which is why

I wanna do your panel with
Susan Wojcicki from YouTube.

Well...

we do have a lot of funny people.

You could add... balance.

Are you eating the entire leaf?

It's amazing how wasteful
people in the West can be.

Hoover.

This book will send shockwaves
throughout the Valley.

Cold Ice Cream and Hot Kisses.

This is about your experience at Hooli?

No, no. It's a coming-of-age story

about a lost, yet handsome teen

growing up one fateful summer in Maine.

Now, get that to the publishers.

I want the hardback in my
hand by tomorrow lunchtime.

Sir, it takes a bit longer than that.

We have to send it out
to publishing houses

and then find an editor.

Editors are for people who can't
write correctly the first time.

We'll self-publish.

And this really isn't about tech?

No. I've left tech for good.

Now, I have a chance to
do something important.

Write a thinly veiled roman à clef

set in a whale-themed B and B.

So look, Monica, um, I
was looking over the org chart,

and I think I'm gonna put
you in charge of Foxhole.

- What?
- Yeah.

I mean, while I know
that you and I were saying

that maybe some people might find it

a little misogynist or offensive.

I think that we if we
had a woman at the helm,

it might change the optics, and
since you don't really care...

No, I-I-I do care. I care deeply.

No, you don't. I mean,
you literally said,

"If a bunch of dumb Marines wanna cheat

on their dumb wives,
what the fuck do I care?"

I don't think I used those exact words.

I'm pretty sure you did, actually.

- You texted it to me last night, see?
- No, but...

And then you also said,

"We don't have to smell
it. We just have to sell it.

- As long as those fat fat fatties..."
- Okay.

I took an Ambien last
night, and probably

should've turned off my
phone. Can you delete those?

Okay. Monica, just make it work.

Please? For women.

Hi.

Bertram Gilfoyle?

No.

I'm John.

Okay.

I brought the HooliPhones.
Would you like to see them?

I was told to help you with integration.

You know what, John?

That would be grand.

Okay, here they are.

The push-to-talk HooliPhone 13-X.

Here's a HooliPhone right here.

And here's a HooliPhone right here.

- And here's a...
- Stop talking.

Sit in that chair.

Do not touch or say anything.

Okay.

Oh my God.

Gwart, do you remember how I-I told you

I found my birth father in that
militia in the Ozarks, but...

then it turned out that guy was a fraud?

Well, um, I just went in
for some genetic testing

to-to confirm my diagnosis
of Marfan syndrome,

and it turns out that my
real parents are alive.

And they live in Santa Cruz.

And they're still together.

What should I do? Should I visit them?

Are you upset?

Should I have not allowed
somebody to sit so close?

Because I-I asked you if it was okay.

If you had an issue, you could've...

No. No.

It is my job to protect you.

That is my responsibility.

I shouldn't have put
you in that position.

I apologize. Do you forgive me?

Yeah!

Yeah, you're right!

I'll be splitting you
guys into teams of four,

then giving you guys different
test scenarios. Hey, Patches!

Hey! Uh, Holden said that we
were having this thing upstairs.

Yeah, I moved it down here.
It's just a better space.

Go ahead, have a seat.
You're over there.

I said we should wait
for you to start, but...

The clock is ticking, though,
right? We have stuff to do.

Busy, busy.

Oh.

Elbow pads. Weird. Yeah, okay.

Uh, actually, the first
day I was at Hooli...

Yeah, I told them. I told
them. They all laughed.

Oh. Heh.

Come on, put it on, Patches.

- I don't wanna put it on.
- Do it! Be fun!

Yeah, okay, sure. I can be fun.

It's kinda funny, I guess.

Yes! There he is!

There's our Patches!

Hey, listen, Richard.

You know I'm just joking
around with you, right?

We're all just having fun. Thanks
for being a good sport, okay?

Sure. No problem. Okay. Back to it.

Right! Okay, so as I was saying,

with smaller groups,

we'll be able to make
faster decisions, right?

Light on our feet. For example,

do we think this photo
of Richard is funny?

We do, don't we?

God...

We do!

Okay. Cool, uh, guilty as charged.

Big cake lover. You got me.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I
was your boss for a year,

so you know I have some funny
photos of you squirreled away, right?

Uh, I didn't know that was a
thing bosses did, but, yeah, maybe.

Speaking of which, did you write that?

- Ooh!
- Oh, my God.

And sorted list size is greater than

plus, plus index?

You ran a brute force
search on a sorted list?

Look, guys, it was my first day, and...

- I was nervous, and I was hurrying, so...
- Really?

That's why you decided to write
the slowest subroutine in history?

Anyone could've made that mistake.

Yeah, it's true. In fact, I
could ask for a show of hands,

but instead of doing
that, uh, I'll just, uh...

Could you have made that mistake?

Could you have made that mistake?

Could you have made that mistake?

- Okay.
- Could you have made that mistake?

The joke is that he's doing a
brute force search of the room.

- Yeah, I know.
- Then, why did you do it?

Could you have made that mistake?

Richard, what the fuck was that?

It was just... Ethan being Ethan.

He was acting like your boss,

and you were acting
like his noob employee.

No. Everyone knows I'm the boss.

I think people were just excited
to, you know, razz the CEO.

- It's all in good fun.
- I did not have fun.

I watched you get kicked
in the balls for 90 minutes.

My balls hurt sympathetically
for your balls.

Take off that sweater!

It's fine.

I mean, yes, Ethan can
be a little prickly,

but he is gonna get us
to where we need to be.

And I don't mind putting my ego
aside for the good of the company.

That guy humiliating you
was not good for the company.

He dominated you like
a silverback gorilla.

Do you know why the gorillas
respected Jane Goodall?

- Jane Goodall studied chimpanzees.
- Wrong!

It's because she could kick
their ass, and they knew it.

You need to assert
dominance like Jane Goodall.

I have something to show you.

You're gonna need this.

This is a video of maximizing alphaness.

What else happens?

It's just this, then it repeats itself.

You just kind of breathe

and subconsciously absorb it.

Dinesh, this is the dumbest
thing I've ever seen.

Fuck yeah.

Hey, John.

Yeah?

Could you grab my extra spudger?

I think it's on my desk,

next to my chess board.

Okay.

Cthulu limited edition, huh?

- That's right.
- Huh.

Anything else?

Nope.

Okay.

I am so glad we could do this.

Yeah.

What are we doing, exactly?

Well, I have had my eye
on you for a while now.

It's what I like to call,
"mentoring from a distance".

We haven't spoken more than
five words to each other

since you joined the company.

That's the distance part!

Look, I-I came here to talk about

advancing the careers of women,

specifically yours.

- Do you know how we just acquired Foxhole?
- Of course.

Apparently, it's 90% men,

and almost all the female
users are prostitutes.

Which makes it a very
challenging assignment.

It's also a big promotion

and strategically
important to the company.

And it's yours, if you want it.

But, I mean, if you don't
think you can handle it,

I can just check in with Becky, Nadia,

- Dani...
- No!

I can do it.

Awesome! For you!

Caspian's heart cracked open

like one of his father's
briny lobster traps.

"Hannah", he whispered.

"I am not..."

"Hannah", he whispered.
"I am not a member

of the prestigious
Prout's Neck Yacht Club.

Truth be told, I am but a..."

"Truth be told, I am but
a lowly man of the sea.

She..."

"She was my mistress, but now, I pray

that you might be as well?"

Thank you.

- Name?
- Oh, I don't want to buy your book.

I'm Allie Abrams, arts
editor at the Sacramento Bee.

Do you have a minute
for a quick interview?

I'll make the time.

Is it on? Running?

Firstly, I work in the parlor.

I use a 1968 IBM Selectric II.

In fact, the tapping of the keys

inspired the idea for Lana's blindness.

The tapping of her cane, you see?

Oh.

I guess what I really want to know is,

why isn't this book about tech?

I'm an author.

Would you ask John Grisham the
same question, or Jackie Collins?

Well, no, but they weren't the
head of a failed tech company.

You think I failed.

I didn't fail tech.

Tech failed me.

Tech failed all of us. Look.

We should be in a Waldenbooks,

but we're here, in this
decrepit shithole, and why?

Because people buy books
online, thanks to Hool...

Amazon.

So, don't point fingers at me.

I didn't write about tech

because tech destroys worlds,

and I, I wanted to create them.

May I have a token for
the restroom, please?

Well, there's not a
whole lot to the story.

Once you came along,

Susan and I realized
the timing was not right,

and we needed to give you up.

I appreciate how difficult
that must've been for you guys.

One of the hardest decisions
we ever had to make.

Um, thank you.

And I just want you to know,

that I understand and I don't hold it

against you at all.

You guys had kids after me?

- Well, one was after.
- Pardon?

- Pete and Lisa were before you.
- Right.

I don't understand. You...

I was your third child,
and-and you... you gave me up?

- Yeah. It just got way too difficult for us.
- Mm. Yeah.

Couldn't go on as many flights.

Two parents, two kids...
that's a clear row across.

- Yeah.
- 1A, B, C, and D.

So, you gave me up to simplify
your first-class air travel?

- Oh. No, it's more complicated than that.
- Yeah.

Yeah, we had car travel,

- and taxis.
- Mm-hmm.

We never really did travel by train.

No, and I don't do boats, so...

Well, you did enjoy
that trip down the Rhine.

I... said I did.

Oh, you!

Anyway, when we gave
you up, we realized...

- we had a huge mistake.
- You did?

Yeah. We realized we actually
did want a third child.

- Yep.
- Started trying almost immediately,

and we lucked out because
Donald is the best of the bunch.

Yeah.

- Donald?
- Yeah, we love that name,

so we just wanted to use it again.

- Oh! Speak of the angels, they're here.
- They're here.

Wait, you invited my
birth siblings here?

To meet me?

- Hi, Mama.
- Hey.

This is Peter.

This is Lisa. This is Donald.

And this is, uh, Ken.
He's here to tell us

- about the solar situation for the house...
- Ken?

... so, uh...

Yeah, we offer financing.

We just need one more
minute, and then we can go.

- All right.
- Bye.

We never told them about you.

Didn't wanna make them sad.

- Yeah, I-I see.
- Yeah.

Well! This has been really great.

We have...

- We have a family dinner.
- We have a dinner.

Every Thursday, we
have Italian food, so...

Although, tonight, we're switching
it up. We're gonna do Chinese.

It was one of the hardest
decisions we ever had to make.

Yeah.

Well, uh, Ken, we were
underwhelmed by your presentation.

- Hey, John.
- Yeah?

Did you move the white pawn here?

Opening move?

No.

Okay.

I'm gonna go hit the head.

I should be back in about two minutes.

Okay.

Where's the dunce cap?

Hey, uh...

Uh, Ethan?

Yeah, Patches?

I-I was actually thinking that maybe

we stop with the nickname.

We had our fun,

but maybe stop all the
jokes about my coding mistake

from years ago, and also...

stop calling me Patches.

Yeah. Okay.

Butt Stuff.

You remember that?

When you walked around all
day and your T-shirt was

stuck all the way into
your underwear, all day?

I mean, I remember it,
but no to Butt Stuff.

- Um, just call me Richard.
- Here's the thing.

That name makes me happy, and...

if you had as much
managerial experience as I do,

you'd know that keeping
your star coder happy

is how you get the best
work, and you guys need me

to do really good work
because I'm kind of

the only person here
that can do it, so...

I'm just gonna keep calling you Patches.

Is that okay with you? Patches?

- Oh!
- Aw!

So, it's complicated.

You were the clear
aggressor in this incident,

but you're also the
only one who got hurt.

You hit him in the forehead,

which is the single hardest
part of the human body.

I would never advocate violence,
but when you make a fist,

you wanna keep your
thumb on the outside.

Yeah. Uh, I know that now, but
at the time, I couldn't remember.

You did great, Champ,
but here's the bottom line.

We gotta cool our
shit down with this guy

before he lawyers up and
sues us a new hiney-hole.

You need to go talk to
Ethan and give him a sincere

- and honest apology.
- Without admitting any fault

or describing what happened in any way.

I asked myself, why would they reject me

and not their three
other biological children?

And that is when it hit me.

It's me.

I mean, even as a baby, I must have

somehow rejected them,

and every subsequent
foster family I've ever had.

Oh. Heavy.

I rejected Richard,

and every person who has
ever offered me safe harbor,

and it has to stop.

I have to commit to Gwart.

No matter how difficult it gets,

even if we're miserable
together, I am going

to support her work, and bring her food,

and-and put her in her
prescription sleeping bag

when she starts to thrash.

It is the only path forward.

Hey, that's the best, man.

I feel like you made a lot of progress.

Ha!

Gwart's doll gloves.

I'm gonna make her so happy.

My book is a fucking disaster.

What have you got there?

Oh, um,

MSNBC wanted to
interview you about being

an "anti-tech evangelist". Their words.

I told them you only wanted
to speak about two things:

cold ice cream, and hot kisses.

Who-who was it? Was
it Hayes or O'Donnell?

Maddow, sir.

- Really?
- Yes.

I'm sure all the major outlets
would love to have you...

if you discuss tech.

So...

Do I honor my truth
as a starving author,

or do I return to the
world I've scorned?

What did Publisher's
Weekly say about my book?

Publisher's Weekly is
a... terrible magazine, sir.

Call Maddow.

Yes, sir.

Bishop to E6.

- Checkmate.
- Fuck.

Okay, so that's...

42 games for me, and...

zero for you.

You wanna play again?

I think I'll take a break.

Okay.

_

_

Okay.

Well, thank you so much

for the hilarious Susan
Wojcicki, the CEO of YouTube.

It's gonna be a very hard act to follow,

but here to try is Monica Hall,

the CFO of Pied Piper.
Come on up, Monica.

- Thank you for coming, Monica.
- Thank you.

I was thrilled and
surprised to be invited.

So, let's cut right to the chase.

You recently acquired Hooli,

and one of its properties

is Foxhole, which is apparently an app

that military members
use to source prostitutes.

Yes, and that's something

I'm not involved with on any level.

It's being run now by a young woman

I promoted, Priyanka Singh.

I talked to Priyanka before this panel.

Priyanka, are you in this audience?

- Yes, hi!
- Hey, Priyanka. How you doing?

Why don't you get up
and tell us about it?

Well,

when I first took over
the app, I was pretty lost,

but, luckily, I was able
to call on my network

of strong, female coders.

And almost immediately, we came up

with a plan to rebuild
Foxhole from the bottom up.

Our first step will be to unionize
the sex workers on the app.

We believe that friends with
benefits deserve benefits

because sex work is work.

And! And! Why is it only for men?

Don't our female soldiers, who
put their bodies in harm's way,

deserve to put their
bodies in pleasure's way?

I think it might be a good
idea to bring Priyanka up here.

- Priyanka, why don't you come up?
- Uh, okay.

So, Priyanka,

the business of sex positive feminism...

Monica, move.

Like we say at Foxhole,
if you can scale Tinder,

you can scale sex positive feminism.

There's a seat in back.

You.

Who are you?

Ethan. Hey, um...

I owe you an apology.

It's bad enough that I used brute force

to search a sorted list, but...

No, Richard. I'm the one

that needs to apologize
to you. You're my boss,

and the way that I talked to
you was completely outta line.

I'm just feeling insecure about

working for a guy that
used to work for me.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'm so happy to be here, and...

I'd love to stick
around if you'll have me.

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Great, man. Thank you so much.

Sorry again. Thank you, this is great.

Dinesh, I'm really looking forward

to finishing up this project
with you and your team.

- Oh, it's whatever, dawg.
- Cool.

What did you do to that guy?

- I watched that video.
- See? I told you! We're alphas!

- Fuck yeah!
- Fuck yeah.

Hey, uh, don't show
that video to Gilfoyle.

Got it.

Fuck yeah.

- I see it's been handled.
- Yes.

Good.

So, I trust there's
no more need for any...

No. That won't be necessary.

Let's hope not.

Can I go now, please?

Very well. Good job on the plate.

Holden,

did you threaten Ethan in some way?

He was causing problems

- for Richard.
- Oh.

Well, it's...

it's good to know that
he's in good hands.

Don't you have somewhere to be?

Uh... sorry. Um...

It's from Gwart.

"I'm dissolving my company
and taking a job elsewhere.

Your employment is terminated.

P.S. Those aren't my doll's gloves".

Oh.

So, then I...

I'm free to return to work with Richard.

Your position's been filled.

Oh, um...

No, it hasn't.

I'm sorry, what is this?

Russfest. Three days of partying

on a plot of land so far out
even Nevada barely wants it.

What's the newest killer
app coming out of Silicon Valley?

Are you Tethical?

No one in town is ever gonna sign

this hypocrite's hypocritical garbage.

Hey, Richard, are you
signing Gavin's pledge?

Aw... what?

I'd like to talk to you
about your Piper Pulse.

Your coworkers find you unapproachable,

with an unsettling stare.

Okay.