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1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,546
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,580
( both laughing )
3
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,961
It's bigger
than I thought.
4
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,379
( both laugh )
5
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,640
Jimmy:
This is nice. This is nice.
This is fuckin' nice.
6
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,435
This is nice.
7
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:01,812
( shaking spray paint can )
8
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:04,940
Oh, man.
9
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,320
‐ G‐Bo.
‐ Yeah?
10
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,116
‐ ( laughs )
‐ How ya doin', Pop?
11
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,619
Oh, man.
12
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,329
Now we're in room 104.
13
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,833
‐ What a trip.
‐ Great set.
14
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,626
What a trip.
15
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,462
( rock music playing )
16
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:36,430
Oh, look at this.
This is good stuff here too.
Look at this, G‐Bo.
17
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,558
Oh, my God. They got
all kinds of stuff over here.
18
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,977
There's a lot of dynamics
with this room.
19
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:49,860
Oh, G‐Bo! Look at this.
Look at this.
20
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,236
( pats box spring )
21
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,405
‐ Yeah, that's good.
‐ Perfect.
22
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,407
It's got like
a canvas texture to it.
23
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:56,783
Perfect.
24
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,910
Jimmy:
If you had told me
a year ago,
25
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,787
where we were
and where we are,
26
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:04,249
that this is the deal,
I would've never believed it.
27
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,543
‐ OK, so I have a thought.
‐ What?
28
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,670
I think if we flip
these babies around
29
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:11,423
and throw‐‐
get our paint on 'em,
they're gonna dry,
30
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,508
and then we can
flip 'em back around
31
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:16,386
and put our‐‐ our strings on
while they're kinda drying.
32
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,930
'Cause at some point
I'm gonna put it on the wall.
33
00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:19,973
OK.
34
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,852
These are nice and light,
this is perfect.
35
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,605
‐ The box springs are light.
‐ They're like a canvas,
36
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,358
so the objective
is to use the box springs
37
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,735
so we have
two separate pieces‐‐
38
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,987
Gianni Arone,
Jimmy Ray Flynn‐‐
39
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,657
and then everything else
is up for grabs.
40
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:41,828
Yeah, nice.
41
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,289
Uh, you're not
gonna hit the edges?
42
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:45,874
I'm just going...
43
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:48,752
‐ Hit those edges.
‐ You hit those edges.
44
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,546
‐ OK.
‐ I didn't mean it for real.
45
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,548
( laughs )
46
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:56,093
‐ Hey.
‐ What?
47
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,594
You said I could hit the edges.
48
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,805
‐ No, leave it.
‐ No, baby, come on.
49
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,099
‐ They gotta have the balance.
‐ No, they don't.
50
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,643
‐ No, you don't.
‐ Just let me finish it.
51
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,186
All right.
52
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,693
Yeah, I'm gonna have to wait
till this dries.
53
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,445
Yeah, it's gotta
dry a little bit.
54
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,531
Do you wanna do like...
55
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,157
a lamp, or you want
to do something else?
56
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:21,576
Because I'm gonna be doing
some collage stuff.
57
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,668
Gianni:
I'm not an artist
58
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,336
who is formally trained
59
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,922
and who is doing oils
60
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,675
and, like, rendering
lifelike drawings.
61
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,177
I just like makin'.
62
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,555
Jimmy:
Looks good.
63
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:45,350
Did I spell "experiencing"
right? Dad?
64
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,686
Oh, shit. Is this, like,
a spelling thing?
65
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,813
‐ I don't know.
‐ "Experien..."
66
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,523
Can't tell.
I can't remember.
67
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,734
Spelling's not my thing.
68
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:58,321
I think so.
Jimi Hendrix Experience.
Let's see...
69
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,615
‐ I don't know.
‐ Yeah, it's fine.
70
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,034
Jimmy:
I work fast
and in the moment,
71
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:05,162
I stay in the process.
72
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,080
( Jimmy laughing )
73
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,666
I like that. I like
when you do that shit.
74
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,959
That's, like, my favorite,
75
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,878
when you start
spoofing on heads.
76
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,589
Gianni:
I just like getting into it,
77
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,716
and I love installations.
78
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:21,052
So to be able to use
the parameters of the room...
79
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,472
because it's an installation.
80
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,393
I like that. That's great.
We gotta chop that wall up.
81
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,228
That's a piece.
82
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,939
Jimmy:
I am his biggest fan.
I'm his number‐‐
83
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,358
I love a lot of artists,
but he's‐‐ he's the best.
84
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,570
Gianni, you picked out
some really good things.
85
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,697
This is great.
It's got tape on it, too.
86
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,907
Yeah, that's
the one I liked.
87
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,950
‐ You keep this one.
‐ No, use it.
88
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,202
‐ Keep it.
‐ Use it.
89
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,620
OK.
90
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,330
Jimmy:
He kinda like inspired me.
91
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:51,917
We had talked
about collaborating
for a long time,
92
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,169
but there's something
that happened this year
93
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:57,214
with Gianni dealing with his‐‐
94
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,590
I call it "mental wellness,"
95
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,967
that allowed it to flow
96
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,385
in a way that
didn't feel forced.
97
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,554
I said, "Hey, man,
you wanna do this?"
98
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,682
"Yeah, let's do it."
We started doing it.
99
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,144
I like this, G‐Bo.
100
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,480
I like the two ones.
101
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,482
‐ Yeah?
‐ Yeah.
102
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,858
I like it.
103
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:20,070
This is like
my favorite material.
Yeah.
104
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:30,372
Jimmy:
Can you get out of that light
for a second, please?
105
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:34,125
‐ Yeah, you.
‐ ( camera clicks )
106
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,795
Tell me that
doesn't look fucking cool.
107
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,588
Yeah.
108
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,507
Gianni:
I know a lot of my friends
109
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,884
have fractured relationships
with their dads.
110
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,226
Younger Jimmy:
My buddies.
111
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,772
Say, "Hi, Mom."
112
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,359
Gianni:
As a little kid, I just
remember a present father.
113
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,282
He just created, like,
114
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,826
a nurturing environment
for creativity.
115
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,829
He would put on,
like, Tracy Chapman and music
116
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,873
and we would get pots and pans
and play the drums.
117
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,167
Jimmy:
Happy birthday.
I'm gonna go now.
118
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,169
I want you to give me a kiss.
119
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,671
( kiss )
120
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:23,633
And he's grown into
my best friend.
121
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,927
It wasn't always like that.
122
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,682
Jimmy:
Ahh, yeah,
123
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,268
it really didn't start to happen
until the friggin'‐‐
124
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,478
started with
the drugs and alcohol.
125
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,856
I mean, that's when it just
became a whole 'nother animal.
126
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:43,028
That's when it started to be
this clear kind of... uh‐oh.
127
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,362
( paint can rattling )
128
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,364
You gotta be careful
with the spray paint, though.
129
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:48,450
‐ I know.
‐ All right.
130
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,705
Gianni:
Yeah, it was
shortly after high school
131
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,875
when I just opened up
to something and I just
132
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,877
( snaps fingers )
went in. I mean,
133
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,255
you go from smokin' weed
after high school
134
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,590
to next year doin' meth,
135
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,176
‐ like smokin' crystal meth,
‐ Ohh.
136
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,886
‐ which is just like a‐‐
‐ The fuckin' worst.
137
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,096
Which is like a epidemic
of a drug,
138
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:13,975
and took me to places
I thought I'd never go to
139
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,770
emotionally, physically,
140
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:19,189
mentally, spiritually,
psychologically.
141
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,982
It'll steal your friggin' soul.
I don't give a shit,
142
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,651
I hear him say the word "meth,"
143
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,570
and I get like, "I'm goin'
to another place now,"
144
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:28,114
'cause I just‐‐
it's, like, evil.
145
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,452
Gianni:
Not only did I do meth,
but I did LSD,
146
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,703
I did mushrooms,
I smoked weed.
147
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,622
I smoked heroin once.
148
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:36,998
I went down
the pipeline of,
149
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,292
"What does it do?
How does it affect me?
150
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,377
Let's try it."
151
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:45,423
I was microdosing LSD for,
like, a year straight.
152
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:50,178
And, like, that has a huge
effect on your brain chemistry,
153
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,014
and I started hearing voices.
154
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:03,984
I'm gonna start my collaging.
I'm gonna collage over here.
155
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:06,069
I'm gonna work over here.
156
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,279
You know, it's interesting
we're doing this now,
157
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:11,199
we're literally coming up
on the year anniversary.
158
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,121
Let me just back it up
a second.
159
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,123
Younger Jimmy:
Make a little wish, OK?
160
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,625
The night Gianni was born,
I remember him coming out
161
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,128
and watching the life
come into his body.
162
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,213
He just looked at me.
It was surreal.
163
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:30,802
Cut to December fifth...
164
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,887
of last year.
165
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,849
He came to my house
166
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,810
in a full‐blown
psychotic episode.
167
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,770
I didn't know
who the fuck he was.
168
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,777
We had this thing
literally in the backyard,
169
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,113
we were sitting there,
we were talking
across from each other,
170
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,990
and he was like
in a full‐blown episode.
171
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,408
At one point he said to me,
172
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,535
"Don't worry,
I'm not gonna kill you."
173
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,996
And I thought,
"Is this motherfucker
thinkin' about killin' me?"
174
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,290
And I was petrified.
175
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,542
I said, "Gianni,
I'm gonna go in the house
and get some water."
176
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,294
I went in the house
and I called the cops.
177
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,921
And I said, "You gotta come
and get my son."
178
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,258
Ahh...
179
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,927
All I know is, it was like
180
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,930
the hardest thing
I've ever had to do in my life.
181
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:24,522
The cops come,
Gianni got in the car
182
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,357
and, you know,
they took him
183
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,026
to the fucking psych unit
and shit,
184
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,028
and we went there,
first night I go in,
185
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,697
he's like fuckin'
doing cartwheels
186
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:34,032
or backflips in the thing,
187
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,533
he's head‐butting me,
188
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,494
he's really angry,
really agitated.
189
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,995
And then we found out
190
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,623
that he's got
a dual diagnosis.
191
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:45,293
Couple that with the addiction‐‐
it's a mental illness.
192
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,296
So now you're dealing with
a whole 'nother thing.
193
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:53,968
‐ How ya doin', G?
‐ Eh.
194
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,221
Yeah, it's...
195
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,390
‐ It's all over the place.
‐ Yeah.
196
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,851
All right, well,
it's your thing, baby.
197
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,653
Let's put a whole series
together...
198
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,489
Gianni:
I've been diagnosed
bipolar I and II,
199
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,699
schizoaffective,
schizophrenic.
200
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,702
I don't know
if my mental illness was
caused from my drug use‐‐
201
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,913
Is it chemically induced
mental illness,
202
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,832
or is actually something
that's biological?
203
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:25,333
Or something
that onset later?
204
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,920
They would diagnose me,
205
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,922
and I'd do the meds
for a little bit,
206
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,174
then I'd take myself off 'em
because I was just like,
207
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,802
I'm an alcoholic
and I'm an addict,
208
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,262
and I like feeling high,
209
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:40,598
and when I'm unmedicated
and I go into mania,
210
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,392
I feel high from that.
211
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,980
I like feeling a little off,
212
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,565
I like feeling
a little weird,
213
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,942
I like feeling a little askew
214
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:54,195
and not totally
bolted to the ground.
215
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,117
Can you throw me
one of those rags real quick?
216
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,368
Like the big hand?
217
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,622
It's a little too big
for my taste, but‐‐
218
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,374
Can you throw me
one of those rags, please?
219
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,587
Maybe it is
too big of a hand.
220
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,717
Wanna have a seat?
Wanna sit down?
221
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,552
G‐Bo.
222
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,262
Wanna sit down?
223
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,477
I don't like it at all
right now.
224
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:29,314
There's no question
in my mind
you're gonna get there.
225
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,524
No, I know, I'm not
worried about getting there.
226
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:35,570
You jumped in,
the paint was still wet...
227
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,031
‐ You know what I mean?
‐ Looks like a big chicken.
228
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,908
I don't see a chicken
at all.
229
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,993
I just see like
a fuckin'...
230
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,495
‐ A blob.
‐ I don't see a blob,
231
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:47,916
I just see a very exaggerated,
grotesque...
232
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:50,585
If I were you,
one of the things I would do is,
233
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,839
I would hit your canvas
so there's kind of
a little bit more white to it,
234
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:58,301
and then as you go over it,
the other things will pop out.
235
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,011
‐ Yeah, I agree.
‐ Right?
236
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,471
So just hit it again.
237
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,976
What are you doin'?
Why don't you hit it
with the roller?
238
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,603
'Cause I don't like
the roller.
239
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:12,899
Ohh, Gianni,
the paint's gonna
take forever to dry.
240
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,693
Ohh.
241
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,905
He's not fuckin' listenin'
to me.
242
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,825
The way you're doing that,
man, it's gonna take
243
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,786
a long time to dry.
244
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,124
These are lessons
that I was supposed to learn
245
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,543
about, like, backin' off,
246
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,921
not micromanaging.
247
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,258
Yeah, man,
I would just hit that.
248
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,842
Hit the edge too.
249
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,303
Yeah, there you go,
brother.
250
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,807
Yeah, man, that's much better.
251
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:52,146
Gianni:
For me, being born
into a human body
252
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:55,233
on planet Earth
didn't make sense to me.
253
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,568
I'm like, what am I‐‐
what is this?
254
00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:00,863
What's this night/day,
love/hate, good/bad,
255
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,449
all this polarity,
all this separation?
256
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:06,661
This doesn't make sense
to my inherent nature
and my inherent being
257
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:10,540
of oneness and completeness
and, like, a unified whole.
258
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,584
I feel fractured and separated
and alone and weird,
259
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:17,755
and I've always been fascinated
with the moment of death,
260
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:21,467
and so I...
261
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:24,095
wanted to meet death
a couple times on my own sword.
262
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,889
Maybe I'll just do
a big horse on it.
263
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,355
For me, I had...
264
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,025
two attempts on my life,
265
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:39,944
one was when I was younger,
266
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,780
and then the last one
was more intentional.
267
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,657
Gonna wait
for it to dry.
268
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:47,452
I had an episode
that I can only describe
269
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,454
as losing the letters
and the numbers.
270
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,415
I couldn't articulate myself,
and therefore,
271
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,459
when I came out
of the psychosis
272
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:55,793
I couldn't relate to anyone.
273
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:58,588
And I created this rig,
274
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,632
and I was about
to turn on the switch,
275
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,384
and then there was
a knock on my door,
276
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:07,013
and my ex‐girlfriend Sunshine
knocked on‐‐ opened the door
277
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,475
and saved my life,
called my dad.
278
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,518
Jimmy:
As he's telling you
he's whatever,
279
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,395
I have to respect
what he's saying,
280
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:15,813
'cause it's real for him.
281
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:18,941
There was a point
when he was either
282
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,069
in the hospital
or just getting out,
283
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:23,613
I said, "You know something?
I will talk to you,
284
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,239
but I won't talk
to your psychosis."
285
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:28,743
So for him
to tell you this story,
286
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,953
and for me to listen to it,
whatever,
287
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,246
I have to remind myself
288
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,956
they're very real for him.
289
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,125
I don't relate to it,
you know?
290
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,794
I mean, I don't fuckin'
relate to it,
291
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,796
but it's real for him,
so I gotta respect it.
292
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,506
Yeah. Well.
293
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:44,217
‐ A horse.
‐ Yeah.
294
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,885
( both laugh )
295
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,221
Gianni: Yeah,
296
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,224
today I want to live,
like, uh,
297
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,768
when I had those
suicide attempts,
298
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,686
I didn't feel like
299
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,939
this life that I'm living today
was possible
300
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,817
or even on my radar,
so more will be revealed
301
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,111
if you stick around.
302
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,199
Today, like,
I like peace of mind.
303
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,077
For the most part if someone
asks me how I'm doing,
304
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,955
it's like, not too high,
not too low,
305
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,624
not a lot going on upstairs,
it's just quiet.
306
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,377
This is the first time
in my life I've felt like that,
307
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,420
but it's two components:
308
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,132
being sober
and being med‐compliant.
309
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,884
You got so much friggin' paint
on it. ( laughs )
310
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,387
You got a ton of paint
on this, Gianni.
311
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,389
‐ Yeah.
‐ Ohh.
312
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,141
Jimmy:
I myself had a‐‐
313
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,101
I don't want to call it
a suicide attempt,
314
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,853
but I ended up in a 72‐hour hold
in a psych unit
315
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:41,274
back in whatever year,
it was 1989, '90.
316
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:44,235
Gianni's mom and I
were going through
317
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:47,905
a really hard time
and we split up,
318
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,074
and I don't want
to get into details,
319
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,410
but I never forget
this friggin' guy
320
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:55,079
sittin' across from me
and saying,
321
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:58,332
"You realize you're never gonna
see your kids again, right?"
322
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,543
And it was like, boom.
323
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,796
Sound. Be ready.
324
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,715
( power tool whirs )
325
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,593
I'm from that generation of men
326
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:09,927
where you didn't go to therapy.
327
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:12,305
When you got
into those places,
328
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,140
you just friggin'
toughed it out.
329
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,559
But you know what?
It doesn't always work that way.
330
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:21,272
When you're in crisis,
when you're in that state,
331
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,858
you have to find a way
to ask for help.
332
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,903
You have to find a way
to get yourself into
333
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,280
a safe environment
with professionals,
334
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,742
and there's people out there
that will help you
335
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,036
take one foot
in front of the other.
336
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:36,245
Yeah, it takes
a lot of courage.
337
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,580
It takes guts.
338
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,582
And on some level
I have a lot of guilt,
339
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,459
and I think sometimes
my behavior
340
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,253
in what I did at that time,
341
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,671
when I hurt myself‐‐
342
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,465
Gianni was like
seven years old.
343
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,551
I made mistakes, man,
I did some things,
344
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,595
and I can't take
any of it back,
345
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,805
but I realize,
you know what,
346
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:58,059
it's just part of
what's happened in my life.
347
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:04,815
Gianni:
Oh, yeah, man, that looks good!
348
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,817
That's dope.
349
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,069
Fuck yeah.
350
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,154
What do you think? G‐Bo.
351
00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:11,614
Oh, yeah, dude.
352
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,494
I like the way
that hangs and shit.
353
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:17,787
‐ You like that?
‐ Yeah, man.
354
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,372
Jimmy:
Looks pretty good.
355
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:23,626
I'm faced with a little bit
of a decision.
356
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,170
Revolver Head?
357
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,589
Gianni:
No Revolver Head, no.
358
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,967
See how the Grotjahn looks.
359
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,221
I love this fucking guy.
360
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:37,932
I'm not sure
if that's gonna work.
361
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,725
‐ There's too much color.
‐ Yeah.
362
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,603
Ahh.
363
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,397
I don't think
that's gonna work.
364
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,774
‐ I like the donut.
‐ I like the donut too.
365
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:51,571
Yeah, this is‐‐ this is not
gonna work like that.
366
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,868
Gianni:
For me, the mainstay has been
this mantra I've had
367
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,538
which is "Process is king."
And I find that, like,
368
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,206
in the moment of creating,
369
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,166
no matter what
your mental state is,
370
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,919
there's some magical
machination
371
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,422
that happens in the moment
of doing something.
372
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,424
Whether you're hitting the keys
on the piano,
373
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,426
whether you're a dancer and
you're in the moment of flight,
374
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,720
whether you're hitting
the canvas for the first time,
375
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,888
and it's just
that movement of the brush
376
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,432
on the canvas.
377
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,559
In that moment,
that's where it is,
378
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:22,935
that's where it's at.
379
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,022
Is that a Christmas tree?
380
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,358
These weird little trees
I've been drawing lately...
381
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,319
that bring me joy.
382
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,904
Gianni:
No matter what my state is,
383
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,573
I can go to that
and have that
384
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,199
as my, like‐‐ phtt!‐‐
385
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,909
centered, boom,
know what to do.
386
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,870
That's the gratifying thing,
387
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,413
that's why I do art.
388
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:45,207
There's restraint
and pause
389
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,709
and peace now,
390
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,794
where I can go to a work,
391
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,463
work on it,
392
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,007
feel that it's OK
to stop there,
393
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:55,509
just be like,
"OK, we're good."
394
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,179
( sighs )
395
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:03,184
I kinda like
where mine's at
right now.
396
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,269
You gonna leave it there?
It's done?
397
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,354
Kinda. Yeah. For now.
398
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,356
Jimmy:
What about the head?
399
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,941
‐ I like it like that.
‐ Really?
400
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,777
I just like the silhouette
of the head.
401
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,154
I don't want to put eyes on it
or anything.
402
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:18,741
I got the good jawline
on the horse head.
403
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:22,953
Gianni:
Last year around this time,
like, I was scared,
404
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:26,374
I thought I wouldn't
be able to do art again,
but you just do art.
405
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:29,293
I did art about
not being able
to do art again.
406
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,879
I did a piece of art
'cause I was frustrated
407
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:34,632
'cause it didn't feel right,
but I still did it.
408
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:38,552
And now I kinda like the piece,
looking at it a year later.
409
00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,763
But in the time,
I was just so angry
410
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,973
I just felt like,
"This is foreign to me,
411
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:45,226
I don't know what to do,"
but you persist,
412
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:48,062
you continue to do your craft
a little bit each day.
413
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,564
And if you really love it,
you're gonna be
inherently consistent
414
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,525
because you're gonna
want to do it each day.
415
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,694
And the results are gonna vary,
416
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,738
but process is king‐‐
stay in the process.
417
00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,240
Stay in the process.
418
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,992
Both:
Creativity doesn't know
what time it is.
419
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,036
That's why we want
to sleep here.
420
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,288
I get up
in the middle of the night
and work on a collage
421
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,874
'cause creativity
doesn't know what time it is.
422
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,692
‐ ( both laugh )
‐ Go ahead, hit it.
423
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,944
‐ I did.
‐ No, hit it again if you want.
424
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,989
I know you're dying
to make a mark on it.
Go ahead.
425
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,575
Gianni:
These are pretty singular,
426
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,535
but he put on this
"Sweet Dreams" last night...
427
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,954
Because it was on the wall.
428
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:48,414
and I was like,
"That's awesome."
429
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,040
Somebody in the crew
was kind enough
430
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,584
to put "Sweet Dreams"
on the wall
431
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,586
and I saw it and I said,
"Put it in the piece."
432
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,422
‐ It's the name of the horse.
‐ We don't know who it is,
433
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,466
but whoever it is,
we love you. It works.
434
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:01,177
And I made a little gold mark
on his just now.
435
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,678
He wants to,
like, make marks,
436
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,388
I don't have a problem
with it.
437
00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,724
Like, we did this thing,
the Grotjahn thing,
438
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,559
and I said, "Just go hit it,"
439
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,479
and he just did
this little friggin'
whatever‐it‐is,
440
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:12,605
and I think it's perfect.
441
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,106
I think the collaboration, too,
442
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,734
is, like, executing
the tone of the room too,
443
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:21,197
does this wall come together
as a seamless whole?
444
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:42,134
I, uh, caused
a lot of wreckage
445
00:21:42,218 --> 00:21:43,594
and a lot of pain
446
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,346
and a lot of chaos.
447
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:49,183
And I'm still
a work in progress, you know,
448
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:51,101
I'm still really new to this.
449
00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:53,604
But a lot's changed
over the course of the year
450
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,606
because I put in
some intense work
451
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:58,067
and I've been trying to get‐‐
get sober
452
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,110
and get healthy
for a long time.
453
00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:03,739
And my living amends
to my dad
454
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,950
is to grant him
peace of mind.
455
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:07,618
It's a lifetime of work,
456
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,578
and it's something
I get to practice‐‐
457
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:13,082
I have the opportunity
to practice each day.
458
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:18,504
Jimmy:
I had to, like, learn
about patience, acceptance,
459
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:20,714
those things
that really test you.
460
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:22,591
You say you love somebody,
you say whatever,
461
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,802
but until you're in that arena
462
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,679
and you're wrestling
with those beasts and stuff,
463
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:29,139
that's where you find out
where your character's at.
464
00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:30,891
You know,
at the end of the day,
465
00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,560
he's someone that needs help,
he's sick.
466
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,436
I gotta figure out a way
to have a relationship,
467
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,021
but have a boundary,
468
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,898
that I can protect myself
and take care of myself
469
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:40,693
and my wife and my family.
470
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:49,451
You know,
maybe part of the thing
about doing this thing
471
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:51,662
is that I'm hoping,
when somebody sees this,
472
00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:54,331
is that yeah,
there's a lot of pain,
473
00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:56,458
there's a lot of scars,
there's a lot of wounding,
474
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:58,961
but you know, there is healing
and there is‐‐
475
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:01,672
there's a light
at the end of the tunnel.
476
00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:06,135
But you gotta do the work,
you gotta do the time.
477
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,680
When you told me the other day
that you trusted me again...
478
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:13,058
was huge...
that was huge.
479
00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:15,686
‐ Yeah, but you had to earn it.
‐ Yeah, I know.
480
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,646
You had to earn it.
481
00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,231
And you have.
482
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:23,611
You know,
trust is a key component
of any relationship.
483
00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:26,363
You don't have trust, man,
you don't have honesty,
484
00:23:26,447 --> 00:23:29,199
you don't have the tenets,
you don't have the foundation,
485
00:23:29,283 --> 00:23:30,951
you don't have anything.
486
00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,661
That's what I'm saying,
you know,
487
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:34,747
some of the stuff
that went on between
you and I,
488
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:37,166
I just...
it was hard shit.
489
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:42,588
And... And I know that
everything happens in life
for a reason,
490
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:46,425
but... there was
a lot of pain there.
491
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:50,596
But you know,
trusting you is...
492
00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,689
‐ ( voice breaking ) Thank you.
‐ You're welcome, Papa.
493
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:02,775
No, really,
fuckin' thanks.
494
00:24:02,858 --> 00:24:05,694
I'm not gonna fuckin' cry
through the whole
fuckin' thing.
495
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,988
‐ ( laughs )
‐ Fuck.
496
00:24:08,072 --> 00:24:10,282
Seriously. Shit.
497
00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:14,870
♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪
498
00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:18,999
♪ I just want
to lay around town ♪
499
00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:23,420
♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪
500
00:24:23,504 --> 00:24:27,508
♪ I just want
to lay around town ♪
501
00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:33,555
♪ Take cover when
the city burns ♪
502
00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:35,015
♪ Lay low ♪
503
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:39,520
♪ I love you, brother ♪
504
00:24:39,603 --> 00:24:42,523
♪ Will you shoot me
when they say so? ♪
505
00:24:47,027 --> 00:24:50,072
♪ Take cover when
the city burns ♪
506
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:52,074
♪ Lay low ♪
507
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:56,036
♪ I love you, brother ♪
508
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:59,039
♪ Will you shoot me
when they say so? ♪
509
00:25:05,045 --> 00:25:07,589
♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪
510
00:25:07,673 --> 00:25:11,051
♪ I just want
to lay around town ♪
511
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,478
MAN: (SINGING)
♪ I know the secret of it all ♪
512
00:25:21,729 --> 00:25:23,439
♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
513
00:25:23,814 --> 00:25:24,898
♪ Longing ♪
514
00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:27,192
♪ Waiting ♪
515
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,362
‐♪ You're... ♪
‐(SCREAMING)
516
00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:32,072
(SILENCE)
517
00:25:32,406 --> 00:25:35,743
For it is love and love alone,
the rules for aye.
518
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,120
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
519
00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:42,124
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
41058
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