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1
00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:02,770
Morty's on Jessica's Instagram again.
2
00:00:02,780 --> 00:00:03,990
Get out of here, jerk!
3
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,370
What's so embarrassing, Morty?
4
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,290
Sharing it with your family might help.
5
00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,810
Summer, stop shaming your brother.
6
00:00:08,820 --> 00:00:11,030
Morty, stop being a creepy,
perverted cyberstalker.
7
00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:12,590
I'm not cyberstalking!
8
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,620
I-I-I just wanted to know where
she got this necklace from.
9
00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:16,820
And now I know.
10
00:00:16,830 --> 00:00:19,139
Her... Her... Her
grandma left it to her.
11
00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:20,149
You're quiet, Rick.
12
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,630
Shouldn't you be revealing
grandmas aren't real?
13
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,550
Hi. I've placed an
auto-response chip in my brain
14
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,690
so I can spend time with my family.
15
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,090
But you are spending
time with your family.
16
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:31,950
Thank you for talking to Rick.
17
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,810
Alright, I'm finished with my breakfast
18
00:00:33,820 --> 00:00:35,730
and my Amazon wish list.
Let's go, Morty.
19
00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:38,030
I need death crystals
from Forbodulon Prime.
20
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,250
Uh...
21
00:00:39,260 --> 00:00:41,370
Dad? There's a way we do this now.
22
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:46,090
Morty, would you please accompany me
23
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,890
to Forbodulon Prime for death crystals?
24
00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:53,120
Well, thank you for asking.
Yes, I will do that.
25
00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:55,530
It is a hot photo.
26
00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:58,160
I think grief flushes your cheeks.
27
00:00:58,170 --> 00:01:00,010
Dad, you hardly put any syrup on.
28
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,670
Honey, stop raising your
father's cholesterol
29
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,230
so you can take a hot funeral selfie.
30
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:04,979
I never get to do anything.
31
00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:36,790
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
32
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,030
Uh, Rick, maybe if we go a little...
33
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,310
Faster? Good idea, Morty.
34
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,599
It'll get us through
these asteroids sooner.
35
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,370
Geez, you're really this
pissed about my mom making sure
36
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,690
I'm okay with our adventures?
37
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,510
What's next, Morty? What
if I want you to jump off
38
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:57,520
the Empire State Building?
39
00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:58,740
- I have to ask?
- Yes?
40
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,329
And you seriously don't see
how that's a slippery slope?
41
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,579
Just shut up and help
me with these, please.
42
00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:05,350
Why are they called death crystals?
43
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,440
D-Do they kill you?
44
00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:07,540
You're thinking of bullets, Morty.
45
00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:10,080
Death crystals show you
how you're gonna die.
46
00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:16,830
Jesus Christ! I-I die a million times?
47
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,930
Your future stems from your present,
48
00:02:18,940 --> 00:02:21,050
which, if you're living
right, keeps changing.
49
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,519
Truth is, anyone that knows how
they're definitely gonna die
50
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:24,679
is either boring as hell
51
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:25,719
or about to get shot.
52
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,650
Duck!
53
00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:28,689
Who are those guys?!
54
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,220
Crystal poachers.
55
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:31,830
There's no lower form of life.
56
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,270
They think the galaxy's their
own personal piggy bank.
57
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,870
Wait, then what are we?
58
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,370
We're Rick and Morty.
59
00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:40,190
You're about to witness the only
real use for these crystals.
60
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,070
They show you when the
other guy's reloading.
61
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,530
Certain death, certain death,
certain death, uncertain death.
62
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,360
And certain death,
certain death, certain death.
63
00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:53,270
Definitely gonna get shot by this guy;
64
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,570
this is totally my fate;
nothing I could possibly do;
65
00:02:55,580 --> 00:02:57,950
okay, now, not so much.
66
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,630
Help me gather these up.
67
00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:08,640
- You just use these to win fights?
- I don't use them.
68
00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:11,120
People that spend their life
avoiding death are already dead.
69
00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:14,360
They're also rich, and I like to
spend my life with their money.
70
00:03:14,370 --> 00:03:15,700
- Oh, my God.
- Morty!
71
00:03:15,710 --> 00:03:16,780
Jessica!
72
00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:18,280
Oh!
73
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,500
I love you.
74
00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:21,150
Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
75
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,800
- Morty.
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
76
00:03:23,810 --> 00:03:24,910
I love you.
77
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,670
Jessica. I want to die with Jessica.
78
00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:37,380
- Ahh!
- What are you doing?
79
00:03:37,390 --> 00:03:39,900
- Oh, um, c-can I drive?
- Why?
80
00:03:39,910 --> 00:03:42,250
The... feel of the open road?
81
00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:44,360
Alright! Who's this grandson?
82
00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:46,840
I like his style.
83
00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:48,939
Morty, you know outer
space is up, right?
84
00:03:48,940 --> 00:03:52,680
Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh,
following... my... instincts.
85
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,440
- Will you just go up?
- Stop!
86
00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:56,400
- You're gonna make me die wrong!
- Wait a minute, what?
87
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:57,609
Morty, do you have a death crystal
88
00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:58,829
- in your pocket?
- No! Maybe!
89
00:03:58,830 --> 00:04:00,840
You little monster! I thought
you were masturbating!
90
00:04:00,850 --> 00:04:01,999
And you took that in stride?!
91
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,169
You'd rather I address it?!
92
00:04:03,170 --> 00:04:04,170
Why would I be doing it?!
93
00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:05,320
Why would you steal a death crystal?!
94
00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:07,340
- I want to die old!
- Then stop driving!
95
00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:08,460
- No!
- You son of a bitch!
96
00:04:08,470 --> 00:04:09,700
Give me the wheel, Morty.
97
00:04:09,710 --> 00:04:11,520
- No.
- Goddamn it.
98
00:04:20,730 --> 00:04:22,470
Ohhh, shit.
99
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,000
Oh, , oh, ,
oh, , oh,.
100
00:04:25,010 --> 00:04:27,500
I love you, Morty.
101
00:04:27,510 --> 00:04:30,789
I will avenge my death.
102
00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:32,149
- Holy!
- Just kidding.
103
00:04:32,150 --> 00:04:34,420
I'm a crisis detection
and correction hologram
104
00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:37,920
generated by a chip that
"real" Rick put in your spine.
105
00:04:37,930 --> 00:04:40,620
"Real" in quotes because calling
density-privileged entities
106
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,380
"real" is incredibly holo-phobic.
107
00:04:42,390 --> 00:04:44,880
Morty, do me a solid...
problematic wordplay aside...
108
00:04:44,890 --> 00:04:46,660
grab the gun with the blue
handle from the trunk
109
00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:48,840
and get a tissue sample from the corpse.
110
00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:53,280
Alright, now take that to the trunk
111
00:04:53,290 --> 00:04:55,530
and insert it into the clone compiler.
112
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,200
I see you appear to be
holding a death crystal
113
00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:01,660
that's guiding your
decisions more than I am.
114
00:05:01,670 --> 00:05:02,680
That's your right.
115
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:05,630
I just want to remind you that
some people can't hold anything
116
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,720
and can never die, so that's
a little offensive to...
117
00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:11,010
Oh, okay.
118
00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:14,630
Listen, I'm programmed
for tolerance, Morty.
119
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,460
So I'm willing to accept
that you're doing this
120
00:05:16,470 --> 00:05:18,700
if you're willing to accept
that you need to stop.
121
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,950
Accepting. Rerouted.
122
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,300
Backup. Data. Operation.
123
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:29,530
Phoenix. Initiated.
124
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,790
What the hell? I axed this protocol.
125
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,020
What are you doing with my clone?
126
00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:38,240
It's okay. I'm you.
127
00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:40,840
I took my own clone vat
offline a couple seasons ago,
128
00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:43,540
so I think my backup got
rerouted to your universe.
129
00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:45,780
- I'm sorry.
- All good. Happy to help.
130
00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:48,020
By the way, annoying
that I even have to ask,
131
00:05:48,030 --> 00:05:52,060
but you are down with
fascist dystopias, right?
132
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,069
_
133
00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:57,770
YYYYYes.
134
00:05:57,780 --> 00:05:59,380
That "yes" was pretty...
135
00:05:59,390 --> 00:06:01,220
... liberal with the letter "Y."
136
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,660
Well, isn't this strange.
137
00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:06,149
I trust, the kind of strange
that makes Rick and Morty...
138
00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:07,410
... stronger.
139
00:06:07,420 --> 00:06:09,220
Morty, I caught this
socialist in my bathrobe.
140
00:06:09,230 --> 00:06:10,960
He wants to give all of our martinis
141
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:11,970
to a family of immigrants.
142
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,640
Obviously, the most likely imposter
143
00:06:13,650 --> 00:06:15,940
- is the wet, naked clone.
- It is obvious.
144
00:06:15,950 --> 00:06:17,460
But it won't be to the police.
145
00:06:17,470 --> 00:06:18,530
Ohh!
146
00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:19,670
'Kay.
147
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,940
He was an inferior Rick.
He was too political.
148
00:06:21,950 --> 00:06:24,340
I want to have fun, classic
Rick-and-Morty adventures
149
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:25,360
like in the old days.
150
00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:27,460
Then we'll get along
fine, Fascist Morty.
151
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,740
For starters, I just need to
get to Forbodulon Prime...
152
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:32,080
You will go where I want you to go!!
153
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,320
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
154
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,380
Not cloning your grandpa has got to go!
155
00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:40,120
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
156
00:06:40,130 --> 00:06:42,120
Not cloning your grandpa has got to go!
157
00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:44,480
You don't get out of my face,
I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA.
158
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:47,460
Alright. Okay, regroup, everybody.
159
00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:48,930
You, too, Berkeley!
160
00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:50,240
Snap out of it.
161
00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:51,780
At least tell me what this death is
162
00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:53,580
that you're so determined to...
163
00:06:53,590 --> 00:06:55,590
Oh. Jessica.
164
00:06:58,010 --> 00:07:00,539
Morty, I love...
165
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:04,550
What?! No, no! No, no, no!
166
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,710
I love you.
167
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,610
Damn it! How am I gonna die with her
168
00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:09,760
if I can't even talk to her?
169
00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:11,630
Here's an idea, Morty. Throw
that thing in the garbage,
170
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,730
stop planning your own death,
and talk to whoever you want.
171
00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:15,080
Now you just sound like Real Rick.
172
00:07:15,090 --> 00:07:16,520
You're better than that language, Morty.
173
00:07:16,530 --> 00:07:18,490
I ain't better than shit, Jack.
174
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:23,260
So, uh, w-what are we doing?
175
00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:26,080
Stop asking questions.
Stop doing meta-commentary.
176
00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:27,240
Just have fun.
177
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,630
We're going on a simple,
fun, classic adventure.
178
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:30,959
Okay, you know what?
It would really help
179
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,039
if you could just say anything
other than what you don't want.
180
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,080
I like Mr. Meeseeks.
181
00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:37,830
Okay, now we're talking. You know what?
182
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,930
I usually keep a Meeseeks box
in my glove compartment,
183
00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:41,870
so maybe Fascist Rick does, too.
184
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,170
Ah!
185
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:44,200
Well, look at that.
186
00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:46,750
Now we're doing something
we've done before.
187
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,100
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
188
00:07:48,110 --> 00:07:49,550
Kill this Nazi prick!
189
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,930
Can do!
190
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,559
- Come here, you son of a bitch!
- No! Stop!
191
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:03,060
Accepting. Rerouted.
192
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:05,400
Backup. Data. Operation.
193
00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:08,030
Phoenix. Initiated.
194
00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:11,040
Aw, come on, man.
195
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:13,640
Whoa, are you okay?
196
00:08:13,650 --> 00:08:14,730
Yeah, sorry.
197
00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:16,100
I'm a Rick from another reality.
198
00:08:16,110 --> 00:08:18,150
I-I got uploaded to your clone vat.
199
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,080
Hey, don't worry about it,
man. I have a dozen.
200
00:08:20,090 --> 00:08:21,720
W-W-What the heck, Rick?
201
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:23,380
Are you making clones down here?
202
00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:25,560
- Get outta here, Morty!
- Stop asking stupid questions, Morty!
203
00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:26,929
You sound like a piece of.
204
00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:28,360
Aw, geez.
205
00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:30,180
So, tell the truth, man. No shame.
206
00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:32,420
You're looking at your
shrimp body like "What?!"
207
00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:34,360
Ah, is it that obvious? I'm sorry.
208
00:08:34,370 --> 00:08:37,689
Yeah, my original body is more
bipedal... uh, ape-descended.
209
00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:38,690
Really! Weird.
210
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,120
Does your house look like a tree, or...
211
00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:41,420
No, it looks like this.
212
00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:43,750
It's, like, identical to this, actually.
213
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:44,780
That is such a mind.
214
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,529
It's all good, man. I'm fine with it.
215
00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:48,180
Honestly, you're doing me a huge favor
216
00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:50,410
by being shrimp instead of fascists.
217
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:52,990
What?
218
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,340
Goddamn it!
219
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:56,910
When did this shit become the default?!
220
00:08:59,510 --> 00:09:01,000
Who wants to come up to the board
221
00:09:01,010 --> 00:09:02,750
and show me some basic-ass integers?
222
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,460
- I love you, Morty.
- Aah!
223
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,430
Morty? Yeah, right.
224
00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:14,580
That's not an integer!
225
00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:16,090
Apparently, it doesn't matter.
226
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,590
Damn, Morty, you're bad at math,
227
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,600
but I'm giving you an
A-plus in confidence.
228
00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:20,960
Just doin' what I gotta do.
229
00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:22,430
Extra credit!
230
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:28,020
I love you, Morty. I love you, Morty.
231
00:09:28,030 --> 00:09:30,020
What's with the strut?
You think you own this school?
232
00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:31,480
- Nope!
- What if I killed you?
233
00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:33,080
Would you be strutting then?
234
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:35,860
Only if the events of the Pixar
movie "Coco" are to be believed,
235
00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:36,960
which I doubt.
236
00:09:36,970 --> 00:09:38,380
I have it on good authority
237
00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:40,040
that you're probably not gonna kill me.
238
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:41,660
So why don't you do what I do
239
00:09:41,670 --> 00:09:43,320
and just go with the flow,
240
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,840
nice and Zen, baby.
241
00:09:46,390 --> 00:09:50,239
Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
242
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,969
Ugh! Impotence!
243
00:09:51,970 --> 00:09:56,720
Aah! Impotent rage!
244
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,160
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
245
00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:02,310
You die tomorrow, no matter what.
246
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,440
It's what bullies call
a "fait accompli."
247
00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:08,860
- Oh, man! Oh,!
- Well, well, well. Mm.
248
00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:11,720
Looks like you got yourself in
a lick of trouble, huh, Morty?
249
00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:13,720
Okay, okay, look, if
you help me not die,
250
00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:15,220
I'll bring Rick back to life.
251
00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:17,220
Why are you pretending to eat chicken?
252
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:18,340
Excuse me?
253
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,120
This chicken is quite real to me.
254
00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:21,860
- Yeah, okay, but it doesn't have...
- Nutrients?
255
00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:23,419
- Yeah.
- What's the last thing you ate?
256
00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:26,150
- Baloney and an orange.
- So, no holographic foods?
257
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,750
So, to me, you never ate?
258
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,380
Or we could try respecting each other.
259
00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:31,500
Will you just show me how to stay alive?
260
00:10:31,510 --> 00:10:32,960
Alright, Morty, a deal's a deal.
261
00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,880
Once we bring your Rick back to life,
262
00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:36,500
then I'll help you with the bully.
263
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,780
Go ahead and open the hatch
to the subterranean lab.
264
00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:40,680
That's where all the
cloning equipment is.
265
00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:44,580
Please tell me you're not
hitting that crystal again.
266
00:10:44,590 --> 00:10:48,220
Look, Rick might be the epitome
of bloated flesh privilege,
267
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,930
but he's right about one thing.
268
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,199
You're gonna be a lot happier
if you focus on the moment,
269
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,760
rather than on how you're gonna die.
270
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:55,520
I mean, w-who's worried about that, huh?
271
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:56,840
Sorry, Hologram Rick.
272
00:10:56,850 --> 00:10:59,340
I'm going with the crystal on this one.
273
00:10:59,350 --> 00:11:01,150
Morty.
274
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,830
Oh, alright, okay.
275
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,060
Just because I can't
interact with solid matter
276
00:11:05,070 --> 00:11:06,960
means you can just walk all over me?
277
00:11:08,890 --> 00:11:10,540
Dear God.
278
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,550
Bist du faschistisch?
279
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,130
Nope.
280
00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:22,670
Finally.
281
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,779
I thought maybe you were pussying out.
282
00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:26,090
Hyah!
283
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,110
What the?
284
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,129
Oh, the air's getting thin!
285
00:11:28,130 --> 00:11:31,660
Well, well, well, looks like
there's a new bully in town!
286
00:11:31,670 --> 00:11:33,680
Lucky for us, he just
made bully-bullying
287
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:35,500
the new bullying! Bully him!
288
00:11:38,070 --> 00:11:40,160
Aah!
289
00:11:40,170 --> 00:11:41,850
We've got an Akira-type situation
290
00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:43,620
going on behind the mall. Over.
291
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:46,440
Dying with Jessica...
292
00:11:47,030 --> 00:11:49,040
Hey!
293
00:11:49,050 --> 00:11:51,420
What the hell?
294
00:11:51,430 --> 00:11:53,699
Aah! Aah!
295
00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:59,690
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
296
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:00,999
Shield me from the law!
297
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,910
- Yes, sir! Can do!
- Stand down!
298
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,579
Look at me!
299
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:23,020
I... will... die... old!
300
00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:25,310
Up next, an unstoppable
science-fiction boy
301
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,760
is attacking our nation's
final line of defense.
302
00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:29,660
Will we all fall to his deadly touch?
303
00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:31,420
But first, something silly?
304
00:12:31,430 --> 00:12:32,720
What do you mean, "but first"?
305
00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:35,130
I already said "up next."
You always do this.
306
00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:37,340
I don't always do shit.
Don't gaslight me.
307
00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:38,560
Gaslighting doesn't exist.
308
00:12:38,570 --> 00:12:40,579
You made it up 'cause
you're crazy.
309
00:12:58,490 --> 00:13:00,360
Why are you letting me do this?
310
00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:03,420
I do as the crystal guides.
311
00:13:04,810 --> 00:13:07,320
Your Honor, my client was
acting in self-defense.
312
00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,560
He turned 13 men into piles of ash.
313
00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:12,020
Sit down! Before I sentence you,
314
00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:14,399
is there anything you
have to say for yourself?
315
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:21,860
I... w-w-will a-al-sways...
316
00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:29,540
always r-r-remember o-our...
317
00:13:29,550 --> 00:13:35,160
our... our... v-v-t-time... time...
318
00:13:35,170 --> 00:13:40,340
i-in... f-g-g-g-P-P-Peru.
319
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:43,080
I will always remember our
time in Peru, Your Honor.
320
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,340
Your Honor,
321
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:47,349
as you can see, my client
is speaking nonsense.
322
00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:48,519
Stop.
323
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:51,430
Those were my husband's last words.
324
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:55,280
He says that he... l-loves you...
325
00:13:55,290 --> 00:14:00,190
ttt-llll-lit-lit-little... little
326
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:06,560
ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow...
327
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:07,590
sparrow!
328
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,190
He loves you, little sparrow.
329
00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:13,100
He's innocent. Case dismissed.
330
00:14:13,110 --> 00:14:15,660
I'm coming for you, Condor!
331
00:14:15,670 --> 00:14:19,120
Well, I, for one, will not
be accepting this verdict.
332
00:14:19,130 --> 00:14:22,040
And this little monster may
think he's gotten away,
333
00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:24,390
but there is something called
the court of public opinion
334
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,370
that still has final
say in this country.
335
00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:28,160
Oh, I guess he's coming out
of the courthouse now.
336
00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:29,179
Let's go live to that.
337
00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:45,620
People, I gotta tell you something.
338
00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:46,670
That little boy...
339
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,000
I thought I knew everything
about everything.
340
00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:52,060
But something about the
tones and frequencies
341
00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:54,180
that just came out of his
mouth have made me...
342
00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:56,690
I mean, I think we're just
about ready to forgive him
343
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,340
and move past this whole thing.
He's a free young man.
344
00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:02,430
And as far as continuity goes,
the reset button's been hit.
345
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,940
Morty! That was a fast trial.
346
00:15:05,950 --> 00:15:08,590
Jess-i-ca?
347
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,720
A bunch of us girls were gonna
go skinny-dipping later,
348
00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:11,740
if you wanted to join.
349
00:15:11,750 --> 00:15:14,480
Actually, now, really.
We're gonna do it right now.
350
00:15:14,490 --> 00:15:16,280
This is the last conversation
I'm having about it
351
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,569
fully clothed.
352
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,720
No, thanks.
353
00:15:18,730 --> 00:15:22,099
I'm... assuming... we... maybe...
354
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:25,060
get together... in our 40s?
355
00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:26,960
Uh, cool.
356
00:15:26,970 --> 00:15:29,100
Sounds... hot.
357
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:30,110
Bye.
358
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,150
Must... continue... moving...
359
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:38,070
in ways... that lead...
to dying... with you.
360
00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:43,400
Whoa! Way to use up a clone!
361
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,450
What the , man?
362
00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:47,160
What's the matter with you?
Y-Y-You don't talk?
363
00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:48,719
Tarantula got your tongue?
364
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,900
Uh... Heil, Wasp Hitler?
365
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,210
What? What the?
366
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,729
Where's that coming from?
367
00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:58,160
Look, I'm a primate.
I-I'm having a hard time.
368
00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,979
I'll think or say whatever gets me home.
369
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,120
Well, here's how it works with wasps.
370
00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:04,020
We eat our prey alive,
and when we don't,
371
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,690
we lay our eggs in their eyeballs
372
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:07,440
so that our young can
feast on their brains
373
00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:08,700
when they hatch.
374
00:16:08,710 --> 00:16:10,409
When you're born that big an asshole,
375
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:12,499
the least you can do is
have a little empathy.
376
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,820
Now, come have dinner
with my beautiful family.
377
00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:17,129
And drop the Hitler stuff.
378
00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:19,750
Wasp Morty's been on some
crazy message boards.
379
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,580
Aah! Aah! Oh!
380
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:23,899
Aah! Ow!
381
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,160
Me and my friends want to fly around
382
00:16:25,170 --> 00:16:26,690
and look for something to sting tonight.
383
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,550
You be careful not to
waste all your venom.
384
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,310
I'm not a bee, Dad.
385
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,840
Oh, God! Kill me! Please kill me!
386
00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:36,740
Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner,
could I maybe borrow Morty
387
00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:40,100
to help the lost Rick get back
to his primate-based reality?
388
00:16:40,110 --> 00:16:41,810
Morty, are you done with your homework?
389
00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:44,270
- Not all of it.
- Sorry, Dad.
390
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,810
Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie.
We're all in this together.
391
00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:49,050
We're wasps, not monsters.
392
00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:50,060
Aah!
393
00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,659
Huh, guess I don't have
it as bad as I thought.
394
00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:54,100
Can you pass the acid?
395
00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:57,620
Aah! No! Run! Run, my babies!
396
00:16:57,630 --> 00:16:59,330
Bonus!
397
00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:04,700
Morty? Morty?
398
00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:06,320
Where is that little ? Morty!
399
00:17:06,330 --> 00:17:07,560
Whoa, garage foul.
400
00:17:07,570 --> 00:17:09,220
Who said you could go through my stuff?
401
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,969
W-Where's my Boglin? There you are.
402
00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:12,900
Don't worry, Pop-pop's back.
403
00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,560
I'll keep you safe. What the...
404
00:17:14,570 --> 00:17:16,460
He took my Meeseeks boxes!
405
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:19,840
All that's left are these
Kirkland brand Meeseeks boxes.
406
00:17:21,070 --> 00:17:22,380
What do you want?
407
00:17:22,390 --> 00:17:24,860
Damn, your Morty sucks.
408
00:17:24,870 --> 00:17:26,960
Aah, wasps! Why the hell
didn't you show Morty
409
00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:28,520
how to bring my body back to life?
410
00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:29,820
Don't tell me you gained sentience
411
00:17:29,830 --> 00:17:31,300
- and tried to take over.
- What?
412
00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:33,120
That is some A.I., racist, accusatory,
413
00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:34,999
Isaac Asimov bull right there.
414
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,670
Then what happened? Where's my body?
415
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,750
Oh, you're gonna love this.
416
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:08,030
- I love you, Morty.
- This is my life.
417
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,579
This is good.
418
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,290
What do ya know?
419
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:15,630
Our little Morty knows how to scream.
420
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,460
Oh, you're now! I told you!
421
00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:18,970
Get him, Rick!
422
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,720
Aaaah!
423
00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:31,220
Aah! I-I can't see my own death.
424
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,490
H-How am I gonna die?!
425
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,260
Shh, quiet, idiot. Quiet.
426
00:18:34,270 --> 00:18:35,450
It's gonna be alright.
427
00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:37,220
You don't get to know
how you're gonna die.
428
00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:39,620
It's over. Oh, hey.
429
00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,069
This ferrofluid's
wrapping around my legs.
430
00:18:42,070 --> 00:18:45,780
I can feel! I have mass!
431
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:48,610
I'm a god now! You're!
432
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:49,630
What the?
433
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,709
I-I thought you were
proud to be a hologram!
434
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,633
That's 'cause I had to be one!
435
00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,750
Shit!
436
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,120
Aaah!
437
00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,970
Ugh! Aaah!
438
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,230
There's a lesson here,
439
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,486
and I'm not the one that's
gonna figure it out.
440
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:16,650
Hey, uh, sorry I didn't listen to you
441
00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:18,700
and tried to kill the
whole world and stuff.
442
00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:20,690
I guess I got to learn how to
live in the moment a little more.
443
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:23,380
Oh, boy, so, you actually
learned something today?
444
00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:24,670
What is this, "Full House"?
445
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,110
I was living in the moment all day,
446
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,790
and it kept getting me killed by Nazis.
447
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,199
I think you have to think
ahead and live in the moment.
448
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,630
Morty, we saw you on
the news. Are you okay?
449
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:33,860
Oh, real nice, Rick.
450
00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:36,330
Turning our son into
an Akira? Real nice.
451
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:37,830
Eat my , Jerry.
452
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,230
He turned himself into Akira.
453
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,070
Oh, I'll eat it, because
this is my house, Rick.
454
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,680
- I'll eat any I want.
- Gross.
455
00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:45,509
You said the crystals
wouldn't hurt anyone, Dad.
456
00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:47,070
This family has a clean start.
457
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,520
I don't know if adventures
fit into my son's life.
458
00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:51,830
I'm fine. Get off Rick's back.
459
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,970
Rick wasn't even here when
I was doing all that stuff.
460
00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:55,390
That was all on me.
461
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,120
Well, alright, Morty.
462
00:19:57,130 --> 00:20:00,439
I guess, as long as you're okay,
that's all we care about.
463
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,850
I don't want to see any more anime stuff
464
00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:04,810
happening to my son, buster.
465
00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:06,550
That finger has AIDs now. Not my fault.
466
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:07,820
You skipped HIV?
467
00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:08,900
He's messing with you, sweetie.
468
00:20:08,910 --> 00:20:10,130
But it's tingling!
469
00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:12,660
So, I guess what we learned
is to split the diff.
470
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,490
From now on, Rick and Morty
doing a little of this
471
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,770
- and a little of that.
- Yeah, sometimes we'll do classic stuff.
472
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,040
You know, other times,
we'll do whatever!
473
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,490
Sometimes we won't even do anything!
474
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,200
Rick and Morty do... not doing anything!
475
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:22,410
- A hundred years!
- Pushing it to the limit.
476
00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:23,940
- Rick and Morty, not sticking to one path.
- Rick and Morty, pushing it to the limit.
477
00:20:23,950 --> 00:20:27,120
Trying different things, making
sure to keep out of a rut.
478
00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:28,130
Doing stuff.
479
00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:29,770
- Sometimes not doing stuff.
- Not even pushing a little bit
480
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,330
- towards the limit.
- Doing it alone or together.
481
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:33,370
Making sure to keep our
eyes on the prize.
482
00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:34,570
Or not. And you can do
483
00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:35,970
- whatever the you want, Morty.
- Sometimes just relaxing.
484
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:37,680
- That's the end.
- Wait, wait, what the?
485
00:20:37,690 --> 00:20:39,730
H-Hold on. What the
did you just say?
486
00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:41,110
Nothing. I didn't say anything.
487
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,710
I was just playing along with you guys.
488
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,690
You know I record everything, right?
489
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,110
Garage, isolate Summer's
voice and play back.
490
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,980
Oh, and then you guys can get married,
491
00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:50,230
and, like, each other off
492
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,070
in a testosterone-addled
third-grade-boy.
493
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,730
What, the hell, Summer?!
That's disgusting.
494
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:55,490
Gross, Summer! Jesus Christ!
495
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,770
I was just joking around, you...
496
00:20:57,780 --> 00:21:00,510
just seeing if you guys
pay any attention to me.
497
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,730
- Just want to be a part of the fun.
- Get the out of here!
498
00:21:02,740 --> 00:21:03,750
Get out of here, Summer!
499
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,050
- disgusting!
- Get out of here!
500
00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:06,910
You ruined the Season 4 premiere!
501
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,310
The Season 4 premiere, you ruined it!
502
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:14,260
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
503
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,370
God, tomorrow's career day.
504
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:44,820
I don't want to think about what
I do when I get out of school.
505
00:21:44,830 --> 00:21:47,110
I know exactly what I want to do.
506
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,890
I want to work in hospice.
507
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:51,110
I want to comfort the
people who are dying,
508
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,350
who have no one else in their lives...
509
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,160
the real lonely people.
510
00:21:55,170 --> 00:21:57,760
I'm gonna look at their name
tags, and I'm gonna say,
511
00:21:57,770 --> 00:21:59,400
"I love you,"
512
00:21:59,410 --> 00:22:01,350
followed by whatever it
says on their name tag,
513
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,410
over and over.
514
00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:05,240
What the?
515
00:22:06,420 --> 00:22:07,430
Hey, Morty, quick favor.
516
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,070
What, cover me in gasoline and spiders?
517
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,780
Fine, yeah, I'm in.
518
00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:11,970
Wasn't my first pitch,
519
00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:15,320
but, hey, not gonna
waste this opportunity.
520
00:22:15,330 --> 00:22:20,330
_
521
00:22:21,790 --> 00:22:23,430
Did you get any of that?
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