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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,935
We'd like to apply for a loan, please.
2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,437
I see.
And what size loan are you looking for?
3
00:00:04,503 --> 00:00:06,363
7,000 denarii, ideally.
4
00:00:06,429 --> 00:00:08,454
It's for our bar, The Crown And Toga.
5
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,267
- We wanna do a bit of a refurb.
- Okay.
6
00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:13,762
- What's the nature of the refurbishment?
- Two words. Beach bar.
7
00:00:13,827 --> 00:00:15,698
Is one of the ideas we're toying with.
8
00:00:15,764 --> 00:00:18,082
- Two more words: Freak show.
- Love it.
9
00:00:18,147 --> 00:00:21,234
- And that's literally never been mentioned.
- Picture a carnival of weirdos.
10
00:00:21,299 --> 00:00:24,082
No, don't picture that.
We're much more into the beach idea.
11
00:00:24,147 --> 00:00:27,082
We're thinking cocktails, beanbags,
girls in bikinis...
12
00:00:27,147 --> 00:00:29,986
- A bearded baby, a six-legged man...
- Will not be there.
13
00:00:30,052 --> 00:00:31,626
Even if they did exist!
14
00:00:31,692 --> 00:00:35,391
Well, either way, your turnover
won't reconcile to forecast.
15
00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:38,707
- Nope. No idea what that means.
- You don't have any customers.
16
00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:41,893
- Yes, because we need a refurb.
- Or because of poor management?
17
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,285
Oh, just grow a pair and give us the money!
18
00:00:44,351 --> 00:00:46,957
- It's not as simple as that.
- Just give us the money.
19
00:00:47,023 --> 00:00:48,329
Give us the money.
20
00:00:48,395 --> 00:00:49,880
Give us the money!
21
00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:54,108
What does that bell mean?
Is that you giving us the money or...
22
00:00:54,173 --> 00:00:56,488
- You've called security, haven't you?
- I have, yes.
23
00:00:56,554 --> 00:01:01,154
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:11,473 --> 00:01:14,083
It's not Grumio's fault
the guy was a total spod.
25
00:01:14,148 --> 00:01:17,695
No, but it is his fault our business
plan included a six-legged man.
26
00:01:17,761 --> 00:01:20,310
- Whatever the fuck that is.
- Exactly what it sounds like.
27
00:01:20,375 --> 00:01:21,660
So I'm guessing they said "no".
28
00:01:21,725 --> 00:01:24,840
We got booted out by security
so they didn't really have to.
29
00:01:24,906 --> 00:01:29,083
Either way, our bold, new bid
to lure in punters may have to wait.
30
00:01:29,148 --> 00:01:33,204
- Green Army!
- Oh, lovely. Chariot fans.
31
00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:35,821
Every bloody match day
they get steaming drunk
32
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,083
and cover the place in flob and sexism.
33
00:01:38,148 --> 00:01:40,565
'Ey, show us your tits, darling!
34
00:01:40,631 --> 00:01:42,434
The zoo knows you've escaped, does it?
35
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:46,228
Yeah, don't speak to my bird
like that, please, fellas.
36
00:01:46,529 --> 00:01:49,021
Oh, dear.
Bloody Neanderthals!
37
00:01:49,087 --> 00:01:50,772
I'm sorry, "bird"?
38
00:01:50,838 --> 00:01:52,856
Yeah, just using their lingo.
39
00:01:52,922 --> 00:01:55,910
- I'm not your bird, Marcus.
- No, sure. I meant girlfriend.
40
00:01:55,976 --> 00:01:58,924
- I'm not your girlfriend either.
- What d'you want me to call you?
41
00:01:58,990 --> 00:02:02,936
How about, "Woman you've been on a few dates
with" who runs the business next door to yours?"
42
00:02:03,001 --> 00:02:05,218
Oh, right.
Glad we cleared that up.
43
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,360
- I mean, she is right, you know.
- They really are putting it away.
44
00:02:12,694 --> 00:02:15,766
Are you sure there's not a pink team?
More like one in a pastel shade?
45
00:02:15,832 --> 00:02:17,134
Green's not really my colour.
46
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,799
- It is now, mate.
- I got some gear for the bar, too.
47
00:02:19,865 --> 00:02:22,083
A green banner, some flags, a bibby.
48
00:02:22,148 --> 00:02:24,410
- What's the bibby for?
- Well, a baby.
49
00:02:24,476 --> 00:02:26,127
Or when I have soup.
50
00:02:28,031 --> 00:02:29,653
That'll be 430 denarii.
51
00:02:29,719 --> 00:02:31,969
430?
For a bit of cloth?
52
00:02:32,035 --> 00:02:33,864
It's official club merchandise.
53
00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:37,382
And is there a discount, perhaps,
for lifelong Greenies like ourselves?
54
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,135
No.
And nobody says Greenies, by the way.
55
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:42,906
Good to know.
Put the bibby back in that case, Grumio.
56
00:02:42,972 --> 00:02:45,018
Oh, I really wanted that bibby.
57
00:02:49,096 --> 00:02:51,855
Are you sure we want
sports mad trolls in here?
58
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:55,502
- It could all get a bit full on.
- If full on means full, that is fine by me.
59
00:02:55,568 --> 00:02:57,543
Right now, we don't have a single customer.
60
00:02:57,609 --> 00:03:00,670
- We've got weird old Phoenix.
- Weird old Phoenix isn't a customer.
61
00:03:00,736 --> 00:03:03,088
All he does is drink our water
and use our loo.
62
00:03:03,154 --> 00:03:05,433
He's basically a human drainpipe.
63
00:03:05,499 --> 00:03:08,011
All right, Phoenix?
How's the novel coming along?
64
00:03:08,077 --> 00:03:09,411
Oh, slowly.
65
00:03:09,477 --> 00:03:11,934
- Terribly slowly.
- Yeah?
66
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,733
How about a nice glass of wine
to speed things up a bit?
67
00:03:15,124 --> 00:03:18,505
Interesting.
Grease the wheels as it were.
68
00:03:18,571 --> 00:03:23,025
But, no, thank you.
Let's stay focused.
69
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:27,188
Maybe just a top up of water, if you would.
70
00:03:29,327 --> 00:03:31,102
Come on, you Greens.
71
00:03:33,508 --> 00:03:35,694
What's the name of our
most expensive signing?
72
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,786
Alexis Falco, seven and a half million.
Where did we get him from?
73
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,614
The Reds.
He used to be scum, now he's a legend.
74
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,268
- What's his pre-match meal? Marcus.
- Who cares?
75
00:03:45,334 --> 00:03:46,546
That is not gonna come up.
76
00:03:46,612 --> 00:03:49,043
All we have to do to blend in,
is make obscene gestures
77
00:03:49,109 --> 00:03:52,137
- and shout "wanker" occasionally.
- The answer is actually meat pie.
78
00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:54,457
You want some, you toilet?
79
00:03:54,523 --> 00:03:56,646
- Is that our geeky bank manager?
- Where?
80
00:03:56,712 --> 00:03:59,262
Over there with the Blue fans,
knocking that guy out.
81
00:03:59,328 --> 00:04:02,317
Yeah, cos that's just what
geeky bank managers get up to.
82
00:04:02,383 --> 00:04:04,819
He's probably on his way
to throw shit as a temple.
83
00:04:04,885 --> 00:04:06,105
I swear that's him.
84
00:04:06,171 --> 00:04:08,993
Come on,
I quite fancy a pre-match meat pie myself.
85
00:04:09,059 --> 00:04:10,259
Green Army!
86
00:04:19,655 --> 00:04:21,110
Green Army!
87
00:04:21,176 --> 00:04:22,545
Green Army!
88
00:04:27,766 --> 00:04:31,268
They were the cheapest seats I could find.
I didn't know we'd be in the family bit.
89
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,847
Cos this definitely isn't
where the hardcore drinkers sit.
90
00:04:33,913 --> 00:04:36,913
- Not unless you count milk.
- Yes, all right, come on, then.
91
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,556
- Green Army!
- Green Army!
92
00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:46,668
- Green Army!
- Green Army!
93
00:04:47,012 --> 00:04:50,810
Oi, did someone order a fruit basket?
Cos three plums have just shown up!
94
00:04:51,464 --> 00:04:53,123
Very funny.
We're not plums, though.
95
00:04:53,188 --> 00:04:55,547
We're Greeners, like you.
96
00:04:55,613 --> 00:04:58,806
If anything, we're green plums.
Greengages, if you will.
97
00:04:58,872 --> 00:05:00,876
Yeah, well, I ain't seen you before.
98
00:05:01,798 --> 00:05:03,938
That's weird.
We're here every week.
99
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,987
Oi, Paulus, you seen these plums before?
100
00:05:06,053 --> 00:05:09,322
- No, never. Who are they?
- Dunno, saying they're Greeners.
101
00:05:09,388 --> 00:05:11,442
We are!
We're massive Greeners.
102
00:05:11,508 --> 00:05:14,975
All right, you lot are here so much,
who did we play last week?
103
00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:17,912
- Easy, that'll be the Whites.
- We won by three and a half laps.
104
00:05:17,978 --> 00:05:19,687
Yeah, smashed them, the wankers!
105
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,056
Wankers-s-s!
106
00:05:21,478 --> 00:05:24,666
And you, what do you make of Leo?
Cor, he was on fire, weren't he, eh?!
107
00:05:24,732 --> 00:05:28,017
Oh, yeah.
Leo played a blinder, absolutely immense.
108
00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:29,327
Leo's our mascot.
109
00:05:30,305 --> 00:05:33,850
No, I know. But, you know,
he was still immense. As a mascot.
110
00:05:34,382 --> 00:05:35,804
Jog on, you plums.
111
00:05:37,429 --> 00:05:40,191
One of our players eats pies
before a race, if that count?
112
00:05:44,205 --> 00:05:47,567
- Well, you muffed that, didn't you?
- And you muffed our loan application.
113
00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:49,083
So we're even.
114
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,421
It was a stupid idea anyway.
Let's go home.
115
00:05:51,487 --> 00:05:54,724
I'm not just going home, mate.
I can win these aggro numpties over.
116
00:05:54,790 --> 00:05:57,864
- I've got the cheeky charm.
- Okay. I mean, I've never noticed that.
117
00:05:57,930 --> 00:06:00,834
You've just gotta tickle their balls,
give them a bit of banter.
118
00:06:01,886 --> 00:06:03,341
- This is our season...
- Ladies.
119
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,606
You what?
Ladies?
120
00:06:04,672 --> 00:06:06,574
Wanna fuckin' sandal up your arse, do ya?
121
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,178
No. No, thank you.
Sorry.
122
00:06:08,244 --> 00:06:10,551
Nah, just wondering
what you wankers are doing now.
123
00:06:10,617 --> 00:06:13,198
Same as we do after every match,
few bevvies up The Grapes.
124
00:06:13,264 --> 00:06:16,960
The Grapes? Do people still drink there?
You wanna come to our gaff, mate.
125
00:06:17,025 --> 00:06:19,972
The Crown And Toga.
It's where all the proper Greeners drink.
126
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:22,231
Are you trying to say
we're not proper Greeners?
127
00:06:22,296 --> 00:06:26,464
That's a bit rich coming from a bunch
of two-bob lemony slags like you lot.
128
00:06:27,058 --> 00:06:28,495
Two-bob lemony slags?
129
00:06:28,561 --> 00:06:30,542
Are you having a laugh?
We're the real deal.
130
00:06:30,608 --> 00:06:31,992
Course you are, babe.
131
00:06:33,054 --> 00:06:35,069
All right.
Get a load of this.
132
00:06:42,546 --> 00:06:43,846
Go on, boy!
133
00:06:56,410 --> 00:06:57,680
I'm Green until I die.
134
00:06:57,746 --> 00:07:01,083
I know I am, I'm sure I am,
I'm Green until I die!
135
00:07:01,148 --> 00:07:03,694
Decent little gaff you've got here
to be fair, Marcus.
136
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,123
Kitted it out nice.
137
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:09,063
Well, we've had all this clobber up
for years, of course.
138
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,606
Then you know that flag's arse about tit.
139
00:07:13,093 --> 00:07:15,400
We love you Greens, we do...
140
00:07:17,326 --> 00:07:20,680
Aurelius. Flick that flag over.
The lion's upside down, you prat.
141
00:07:20,746 --> 00:07:22,083
Yeah, I'm a bit busy right now.
142
00:07:22,148 --> 00:07:24,923
Serving wine to genuinely
some of the worst people on Earth.
143
00:07:24,988 --> 00:07:26,923
Yeah, and some of the
thirstiest people on Earth.
144
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,762
I can't pour this stuff fast enough.
145
00:07:28,828 --> 00:07:31,406
This is what having
a successful bar feels like, boys.
146
00:07:31,472 --> 00:07:34,254
Just get used to it.
At this rate, we'll have to hire more staff.
147
00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:36,026
Excuse me, Marcus.
148
00:07:36,092 --> 00:07:40,083
Would you ask the chaps in green
to quiet it down a bit, please?
149
00:07:40,148 --> 00:07:41,966
I'm trying to write my novel.
150
00:07:42,032 --> 00:07:45,069
Weirdly, Phoenix, your novel's
not my top priority here.
151
00:07:45,135 --> 00:07:47,017
We are a wine bar for sports fans,
152
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:49,748
not a water bar for
leaky-bladdered cheapskates.
153
00:07:49,814 --> 00:07:52,330
If you've got a problem with that,
you can jog on, son.
154
00:07:52,396 --> 00:07:55,083
I'm 75, I'm not jogging anywhere.
155
00:07:55,148 --> 00:07:57,982
Flush yourself down the loo, then,
I really don't care.
156
00:07:58,048 --> 00:07:59,291
What can I get you, mate?
157
00:07:59,357 --> 00:08:02,596
He's short, he's fast,
he likes to show his arse...
158
00:08:02,662 --> 00:08:06,034
He's Grumio, Grumio!
159
00:08:06,878 --> 00:08:08,573
Are these not the same chariot fans
160
00:08:08,639 --> 00:08:11,235
you described as
"bloody Neanderthals" the other day?
161
00:08:11,301 --> 00:08:14,748
They are, yes,
but now I've met them, and I have to say,
162
00:08:14,814 --> 00:08:16,790
the Greens are a really terrific bunch.
163
00:08:16,856 --> 00:08:19,343
Genuinely good-hearted, considerate people.
164
00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,083
They pissed all over my shop front.
165
00:08:21,148 --> 00:08:23,901
They're a bit rough round the edges.
Sure, they like a drink.
166
00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:26,740
Anyway, I thought urine was useful
for your laundry process.
167
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,763
Not when it's streaked
all up the wall it's not.
168
00:08:28,828 --> 00:08:31,847
- And I can't do much with vomit.
- Fair point. Aurelius,
169
00:08:31,913 --> 00:08:35,153
- clean up the vom as well, please, mate.
- Yeah, this is making me a bit queasy.
170
00:08:35,218 --> 00:08:37,692
They also appear to have painted
a dog on my door.
171
00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:40,790
- It's a lion, actually. Their mascot, Leo.
- Yeah, I don't care.
172
00:08:40,856 --> 00:08:44,222
- I don't want it there is my point.
- All right, I'll have it painted over.
173
00:08:44,288 --> 00:08:47,816
In fact, painting the whole door green
might stop this happening again.
174
00:08:47,882 --> 00:08:50,847
Or you can just not have
the Green pricks in your bar at all.
175
00:08:50,913 --> 00:08:52,279
That might also stop it.
176
00:08:52,345 --> 00:08:54,071
No can do, sorry.
177
00:08:54,137 --> 00:08:56,306
We've poured a lot of money
into these Green pricks,
178
00:08:56,371 --> 00:09:00,709
so I kind of need to put my business before
my relationship with a not girlfriend.
179
00:09:02,069 --> 00:09:05,366
I'll handle it, okay?
Aurelius will clean up the mess.
180
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,947
And his own mess.
181
00:09:11,647 --> 00:09:15,861
Green Army!
Green Army! Green Army!
182
00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:24,420
Green Army!
183
00:09:27,265 --> 00:09:28,635
Go on, boy!
184
00:09:43,027 --> 00:09:45,882
No matter how hectic it gets,
just keep serving.
185
00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:47,885
Maybe let's pre-pour drinks, in fact.
186
00:09:47,951 --> 00:09:50,870
And just so you know,
you will get called some rude names.
187
00:09:50,936 --> 00:09:55,279
We're talking mug, melt, muppet,
helmet, ugly bitch,
188
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,747
minge face, bearded nonce...
189
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,047
Yeah, I think those last few
were just for you.
190
00:10:00,304 --> 00:10:03,184
Okay, we're on.
Brace yourselves.
191
00:10:04,444 --> 00:10:08,546
Green Army!
Welcome, boys. In you come.
192
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,545
Glass of wine, please, minge face.
Grumio?
193
00:10:13,573 --> 00:10:14,777
Just a bowl of nuts.
194
00:10:14,843 --> 00:10:17,546
- Sorry, where is everyone?
- They weren't really feeling it.
195
00:10:17,611 --> 00:10:19,233
Why not, out of interest?
196
00:10:19,299 --> 00:10:21,054
Cos we got dumped out of the Cup, didn't we?
197
00:10:21,119 --> 00:10:23,546
We weren't exactly in the mood
for having it large.
198
00:10:23,611 --> 00:10:26,001
Chin up, kid.
There's always next season, eh?
199
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:28,485
- We live in hope.
- Sorry, next season?
200
00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,363
Yeah, when the Cup starts over again.
201
00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:33,352
- So we don't get any more games now?
- When you're out, you're out.
202
00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:36,484
- That's how the Cup works, silly bollocks.
- No, I know. I know that.
203
00:10:36,549 --> 00:10:39,403
Just, remind me.
When is next season again?
204
00:10:39,469 --> 00:10:42,293
- End of August.
- August, right.
205
00:10:42,359 --> 00:10:45,887
And it's February now so that's...
206
00:10:45,953 --> 00:10:47,546
About six months.
207
00:10:47,611 --> 00:10:50,906
- The Blues will probably go on and win it now.
- Grr, scum!
208
00:10:50,971 --> 00:10:53,368
- Still, we had a decent run, didn't we?
- Didn't we just.
209
00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:55,640
What a bloody good run we had.
210
00:10:56,955 --> 00:10:58,155
Fuck!
211
00:10:59,897 --> 00:11:02,862
- But I've only just put them all up.
- And now you have to take them all down.
212
00:11:02,927 --> 00:11:06,794
There's not much point being a sports bar if
there is no sport for six months, is there?
213
00:11:06,975 --> 00:11:09,528
Okay, someone's just had a sweet idea.
214
00:11:09,594 --> 00:11:12,278
- Please not the beach bar again.
- No, not that, hear me out.
215
00:11:12,344 --> 00:11:15,040
The Greens got knocked out of
the Cup, but not everyone did.
216
00:11:15,106 --> 00:11:17,303
Yeah, that's how the Cup works,
silly bollocks.
217
00:11:17,369 --> 00:11:19,971
Right, and Paulus said
the Blues would probably win it.
218
00:11:20,037 --> 00:11:21,920
So why don't we just become
a Blue bar instead?
219
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,956
- Have a cheeky rebrand.
- A rebrand?
220
00:11:24,022 --> 00:11:25,331
Are you tugging my testicles?
221
00:11:25,397 --> 00:11:27,640
That is actually one of your
less shit ideas, Jason.
222
00:11:27,705 --> 00:11:29,253
- Cheers, bro.
- We're Greeners.
223
00:11:29,319 --> 00:11:31,915
We can't just change colour
like some fruity fucking lizard.
224
00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:33,261
I think we can.
225
00:11:33,327 --> 00:11:36,365
In fact, I can feel us turning Blue
right now.
226
00:11:36,431 --> 00:11:39,569
Where's your loyalty?
You're bloody glory gobblers!
227
00:11:39,635 --> 00:11:42,213
- You've been to, like, two games, mate.
- So what?
228
00:11:42,279 --> 00:11:44,419
The Greeners respect me, unlike you two.
229
00:11:44,485 --> 00:11:47,905
With you it's always, "Pipe down, Grumio.
Forget your freak show.
230
00:11:47,971 --> 00:11:50,167
"Put your bibby back.
Be Green. Be Blue."
231
00:11:50,233 --> 00:11:52,596
- Well, yeah, if you would.
- I won't!
232
00:11:52,874 --> 00:11:55,986
And if this place is going Blue,
I'm having nothing more to do with it.
233
00:11:56,429 --> 00:11:57,629
Scum!
234
00:11:59,165 --> 00:12:01,903
Clean that up, will you, Aurelius,
once you're done with that?
235
00:12:03,217 --> 00:12:05,735
Hello again.
We'd like to return these items
236
00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:07,901
and exchange them for those ones, please.
237
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:10,005
I thought you were lifelong Greenies.
238
00:12:10,071 --> 00:12:14,073
We were but circumstances changed
and now we're lifelong Blueys.
239
00:12:14,139 --> 00:12:16,257
Plus, blue is a much better colour
for my skin tone.
240
00:12:16,322 --> 00:12:18,141
Right, that's not how most people
pick a team.
241
00:12:18,207 --> 00:12:19,977
Well, I'm not most people.
242
00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:22,899
- Either way, we don't do exchanges.
- Oh, for...
243
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:25,367
This is gonna cost us pretty much
everything we made.
244
00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:28,321
All right, well, we can get rid of
this trivia book for starters.
245
00:12:28,387 --> 00:12:30,777
How are we gonna get in
with the fans without wading through
246
00:12:30,842 --> 00:12:32,841
the painfully dull history of their club?
247
00:12:32,907 --> 00:12:35,083
We take a shortcut, obviously.
248
00:12:44,162 --> 00:12:47,235
Hi. If you want a meeting,
you have to make an appointment.
249
00:12:47,301 --> 00:12:48,522
Nah, no need for that, Nige.
250
00:12:48,587 --> 00:12:51,922
I just wanted to let you know
that I saw you the other day.
251
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,196
Yes, I know,
252
00:12:53,262 --> 00:12:55,322
- I had to call security.
- Not here.
253
00:12:55,388 --> 00:12:57,911
I mean, I did see you here,
but also at the arena.
254
00:12:58,065 --> 00:13:02,815
Yobbing it up, putting your fists
hard into people's faces.
255
00:13:02,881 --> 00:13:04,094
I saw you.
256
00:13:04,426 --> 00:13:06,521
I don't know what you're talking about.
257
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,781
So how'd you get those marks
on your knuckles?
258
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:11,685
Accident with an abacus, was it?
259
00:13:13,197 --> 00:13:16,521
No, you don't.
Bell's not gonna save you this time, boy.
260
00:13:16,709 --> 00:13:19,396
I know what I saw and I don't have
a problem telling this lot
261
00:13:19,462 --> 00:13:22,677
exactly what Naughty Nige
gets up to after hours.
262
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:26,881
Maybe I can reconsider that business loan.
263
00:13:26,946 --> 00:13:30,586
Nah, forget the loan, Nige.
I want something else this time.
264
00:13:32,586 --> 00:13:35,084
Here he comes.
It's Alexis Falco.
265
00:13:35,150 --> 00:13:38,073
The crowd goes mental as he
rounds the final bend and...
266
00:13:38,139 --> 00:13:41,089
- Oh, bollocks to it!
- What you do that for, you mug?
267
00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:42,494
You was home and dry there.
268
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:45,059
Sorry, boss.
It's just, I miss the real thing is all.
269
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,659
Larging it with the lads, singing the songs,
270
00:13:47,725 --> 00:13:49,526
feeling like I'm ten foot tall.
271
00:13:49,592 --> 00:13:51,521
Cos you're on Griff's shoulders, you mean?
272
00:13:51,586 --> 00:13:55,221
Yeah, that's part of it.
But it's like I finally belong to something.
273
00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:56,522
And now all that's gone.
274
00:13:56,587 --> 00:14:00,321
I hear you.
It's always tough, the wait between matches.
275
00:14:00,387 --> 00:14:03,782
It can feel like forever,
but in just a few days time,
276
00:14:03,848 --> 00:14:07,103
we'll be back on that terrace
giving it large like we never left.
277
00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:10,521
Now, I want you to pick up little Alexis
278
00:14:10,593 --> 00:14:12,670
and let's get him that victory.
279
00:14:13,013 --> 00:14:14,234
Go on, boy.
280
00:14:16,625 --> 00:14:18,561
Hang on.
A few days?
281
00:14:18,626 --> 00:14:20,772
I thought it was gonna be six months.
282
00:14:21,357 --> 00:14:23,854
What?!
You told him to forget the loan.
283
00:14:23,928 --> 00:14:27,951
Yeah, because we don't need it any more.
This is our passport to punters.
284
00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:29,913
Ooh, there he is, look.
285
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:34,691
Oi, oi, Nige!
286
00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:37,128
- Oi, oi, Nige's crew!
- Oh, hi, Jase.
287
00:14:37,194 --> 00:14:38,522
Who are these turnips?
288
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:41,521
These are good mates of mine.
It's Jason and...
289
00:14:41,586 --> 00:14:43,361
- Marcus.
- Marcus, yeah, yeah.
290
00:14:43,426 --> 00:14:46,163
- They own a bar in town.
- The Crown And Toga.
291
00:14:46,229 --> 00:14:47,700
It's a hardcore Blue bar.
292
00:14:48,384 --> 00:14:51,077
- So you're hardcore, are you?
- Just a bit.
293
00:14:51,143 --> 00:14:53,036
We're proper Blue Army, like you guys.
294
00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:55,752
- Blue Army?!
- He means Blue Legion.
295
00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:59,069
- Blue Legion!
- Jase! It's Legion.
296
00:14:59,135 --> 00:15:01,306
Yeah, Legion!
297
00:15:01,724 --> 00:15:04,979
Listen, Nige, you sure about these two?
Seem like a couple of melts to me.
298
00:15:05,045 --> 00:15:06,936
Are you calling my mates melts, Gav?
299
00:15:07,002 --> 00:15:09,495
- No, I just mean, they're a bit...
- I say they're all right.
300
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,052
And if you're saying they're not,
301
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:14,788
I'm gonna tear your skin off
and wear you like a fucking toga!
302
00:15:14,854 --> 00:15:16,438
All right!
They're all right!
303
00:15:16,504 --> 00:15:18,125
Yeah, they're all right.
304
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,967
- Legion!
- Legion!
305
00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:23,487
Legion!
306
00:15:34,204 --> 00:15:36,763
Legion!
Legion!
307
00:15:49,492 --> 00:15:50,845
Thank you very much.
308
00:15:53,592 --> 00:15:57,289
Legion, we love you!
309
00:15:57,586 --> 00:15:59,266
Again, I'm really sorry.
310
00:15:59,332 --> 00:16:01,969
Yeah, painting it green
worked an absolute treat, didn't it?
311
00:16:02,035 --> 00:16:03,758
And I thought their mascot was a lion.
312
00:16:03,824 --> 00:16:06,737
The Green mascot, yeah.
But we had a small rebrand.
313
00:16:06,803 --> 00:16:09,841
It turns out the Blues have
a far nicer breed of chariot fan.
314
00:16:09,907 --> 00:16:13,111
And then what? Are we working our way
through the colours of the rainbow?
315
00:16:13,177 --> 00:16:15,176
No, no.
We are now Blue through and through.
316
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:18,561
Actually, we are making so much,
I could maybe spruce up the hood a bit.
317
00:16:18,626 --> 00:16:20,883
You know, a few pot plants, a lantern maybe.
318
00:16:20,949 --> 00:16:22,597
Just paint the fucking door, Marcus.
319
00:16:22,663 --> 00:16:25,822
And do a better job this time.
It's all streaky, look.
320
00:16:30,586 --> 00:16:32,287
Nige is like a proper mate now.
321
00:16:32,353 --> 00:16:34,299
I mean, I know I'm blackmailing him, but
322
00:16:34,365 --> 00:16:36,188
he said he's gonna introduce me
to his sister.
323
00:16:36,253 --> 00:16:38,362
- Apparently, she's well fit.
- Shove up, mush.
324
00:16:38,428 --> 00:16:41,400
Sorry, Nigel has described his
own sister as well fit?
325
00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:43,498
Yeah!
It's quite weird actually, isn't it?
326
00:16:43,564 --> 00:16:46,781
- I said shove up. I need the mirror.
- Can you just wait until I'm finished?
327
00:16:46,846 --> 00:16:48,521
Why are you even doing that, Grumio?
328
00:16:48,586 --> 00:16:50,753
- I've got a race later, why do you think?
- How can you?
329
00:16:50,818 --> 00:16:52,648
Greens got knocked out of the Cup, remember?
330
00:16:52,713 --> 00:16:54,521
That was the Chariot Association Cup.
331
00:16:54,586 --> 00:16:58,326
There's still the League Cup, the Fish Paste
Cup and the Imperial Shield, obviously.
332
00:16:58,586 --> 00:17:01,802
- So your season's not over at all?
- Just getting going, son.
333
00:17:01,868 --> 00:17:05,025
And I'll be back down the bar later
for some bevvies with the Army.
334
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:06,441
Hang on.
How's that gonna work?
335
00:17:06,507 --> 00:17:08,949
I'm gonna be at the bar later
with the Legion after our game.
336
00:17:09,014 --> 00:17:12,444
Well, it's not gonna work, clearly.
Grumio, you have to go to the Army,
337
00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:15,233
tell them to go back to that old pub.
The Grapes, was it?
338
00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:18,041
Like hell I will!
The Crown And Toga's our manor now.
339
00:17:18,106 --> 00:17:20,335
- We shall not be moved!
- Well, neither shall we.
340
00:17:20,401 --> 00:17:22,310
Not from the bar, nor this mirror.
341
00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:26,804
I can't believe you just
blued my bloody nose. Scum!
342
00:17:27,695 --> 00:17:30,409
Will you please stop spitting on the floor?!
343
00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,687
- Are you sure this is gonna work?
- Yeah.
344
00:17:36,753 --> 00:17:38,947
Cos we could just tell people we're closed.
345
00:17:39,013 --> 00:17:41,450
This'll be fine.
Probably.
346
00:17:42,124 --> 00:17:43,364
Hopefully.
347
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,739
Legion, Legion!
348
00:17:48,328 --> 00:17:51,606
Greeners, Greeners, Greeners!
349
00:18:11,813 --> 00:18:13,903
Hi, hello there, Nige.
350
00:18:13,997 --> 00:18:15,991
What the fuck is going on here?
351
00:18:16,057 --> 00:18:18,332
Um, this is...
352
00:18:19,143 --> 00:18:21,686
- We're actually closed today, I'm afraid.
- What, are we?
353
00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:25,376
Yes, because of the
drainage problem, remember?
354
00:18:25,442 --> 00:18:28,505
Well, that'll explain why
half your bar's covered in shit.
355
00:18:28,903 --> 00:18:31,129
There's certainly some shit in here
all right.
356
00:18:31,586 --> 00:18:33,070
You should get a plumber in.
357
00:18:33,426 --> 00:18:35,042
Or maybe pest control.
358
00:18:35,108 --> 00:18:36,521
What brings you here, Paulus?
359
00:18:36,586 --> 00:18:39,669
Did you get lost
on your way home to wanker land?
360
00:18:39,735 --> 00:18:41,257
I am home, Nigel.
361
00:18:41,323 --> 00:18:44,740
So you'd best round up your little
two-bob mob and chip off out of here.
362
00:18:44,806 --> 00:18:47,709
- Or you can all chip off.
- We ain't going nowhere.
363
00:18:47,787 --> 00:18:50,023
This is our manor and it's Blue!
364
00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:53,199
You must be going colour-blind
in your old age, you Toby.
365
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:54,670
This manor's Green.
366
00:18:54,736 --> 00:18:56,910
- Oh, yeah, says who?
- We do.
367
00:18:56,976 --> 00:19:00,561
- Well, prove it, then.
- Oh, yeah? You want some, you toilet?
368
00:19:05,742 --> 00:19:07,302
Please, stop!
Stop it!
369
00:19:07,368 --> 00:19:08,396
Stop!
370
00:19:08,587 --> 00:19:11,521
Let us not descend into violence and hatred.
371
00:19:11,586 --> 00:19:12,971
We are better than that.
372
00:19:13,073 --> 00:19:16,787
Let's just, for one magic afternoon,
put our differences aside
373
00:19:16,853 --> 00:19:20,563
and join together
over our shared love of the sport
374
00:19:20,629 --> 00:19:26,643
and the values of brotherhood and
respect and tolerance it promotes.
375
00:19:26,709 --> 00:19:33,138
Surely, deep down, that is what
being a real fan is all about?
376
00:19:36,274 --> 00:19:37,791
Nah, sod that!
377
00:19:53,806 --> 00:19:55,684
Want some, do you?!
378
00:19:56,004 --> 00:19:57,306
Greener!
379
00:20:01,106 --> 00:20:02,421
Oi, Bluey.
380
00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:08,777
- You!
- Shit... No!
381
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,146
Come, bruv, come.
382
00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:18,654
- Fellas!
- Go!
383
00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:20,817
Help me!
384
00:20:46,132 --> 00:20:49,237
Once again, I so, so sorry.
385
00:20:49,303 --> 00:20:51,521
Yeah, I've kind of had enough
of this now, Marcus.
386
00:20:51,586 --> 00:20:54,876
What, this, as in the hooligan damage?
Or this, as in me?
387
00:20:54,942 --> 00:20:58,521
Cos I really want you to be my bird
slash girlfriend
388
00:20:58,586 --> 00:21:00,763
slash woman I've been on a few dates with,
389
00:21:00,829 --> 00:21:03,842
if that particular door's still open?
390
00:21:03,908 --> 00:21:06,703
Well, the door is off its hinges now,
isn't it?
391
00:21:06,769 --> 00:21:10,594
So that's sort of open?
Surely?
392
00:21:10,672 --> 00:21:12,566
Fine, it's open.
393
00:21:12,632 --> 00:21:15,741
- Now get it fixed before I change my mind.
- I will repaint it immediately.
394
00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:18,484
No, you will buy me a new one,
you tight bastard.
395
00:21:21,301 --> 00:21:24,238
So, we're not gonna try and get any
Red fans down here, I take it?
396
00:21:24,304 --> 00:21:27,340
No. No way.
Chariot fans are far too full on.
397
00:21:27,406 --> 00:21:29,561
That is literally what I said
at the beginning.
398
00:21:29,626 --> 00:21:31,993
You can obviously have
all of the Green merch, Grumio.
399
00:21:32,059 --> 00:21:33,604
No, cheers. I'm out, too.
400
00:21:33,670 --> 00:21:35,483
These chariot mugs talk a good game,
401
00:21:35,549 --> 00:21:38,118
but when you're on the deck
being sat on by a bank manager,
402
00:21:38,184 --> 00:21:39,740
you find out who your real mates are.
403
00:21:39,805 --> 00:21:43,739
So the theme for our bar
can go back to being sad and empty.
404
00:21:43,805 --> 00:21:45,346
Not quite, look.
405
00:21:45,412 --> 00:21:48,721
Phoenix! Welcome back, old friend.
Glass of water, is it?
406
00:21:48,786 --> 00:21:54,159
Well, I need to use the loo first
but, yes, water would be lovely.
407
00:21:56,865 --> 00:22:01,465
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
34134
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