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1
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- Try this. It'll blow your mind.
- What is it?
2
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,445
A technological innovation that will
revolutionise our business.
3
00:00:05,510 --> 00:00:08,896
Introducing the ice cube.
4
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,335
Sure.
I mean, I have seen ice before.
5
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,896
Like in winter, in puddles.
6
00:00:12,961 --> 00:00:15,590
Yeah.
But how about in summer in drinks?
7
00:00:15,655 --> 00:00:17,622
It cools them down fast.
8
00:00:18,237 --> 00:00:20,516
Sort of bonks against your teeth, don't it?
9
00:00:20,581 --> 00:00:22,368
- I mean, it is cold.
- Exactly.
10
00:00:22,433 --> 00:00:24,587
Sweaty punters will be queueing up
for these babies.
11
00:00:24,651 --> 00:00:26,896
I honestly think
it could be the new lemon slice.
12
00:00:27,556 --> 00:00:28,857
Maybe we should combine them.
13
00:00:29,364 --> 00:00:31,498
- Have you seen the fruit bowl?
- Afternoon.
14
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,191
Here it comes now, on Grumio's head.
15
00:00:34,256 --> 00:00:37,110
Can we have that back, please, Grumio?
Washed first, ideally.
16
00:00:37,175 --> 00:00:40,505
No chance. Along with the bin lid,
it's a key part of my sunshade.
17
00:00:40,570 --> 00:00:43,172
That big yellow bastard's
bloody throbbing out there.
18
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,621
- Just wear a hat, you weirdo.
- Not big enough, mate.
19
00:00:45,686 --> 00:00:49,307
I want the coverage of a parasol
with my hands free for wafting.
20
00:00:49,371 --> 00:00:51,886
Sounds like someone would like an ice cube,
21
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:54,983
Rome's hottest new garnish.
Or should I say coldest?
22
00:00:55,048 --> 00:00:56,841
No, you definitely shouldn't.
23
00:00:57,444 --> 00:00:59,967
Well, don't eat it.
I've only got three of those.
24
00:01:00,032 --> 00:01:04,632
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:01:16,370 --> 00:01:18,876
As soon as word gets out
about the ice, we'll be rammed.
26
00:01:18,941 --> 00:01:21,011
We'll be doing pay rises, uniforms, the lot.
27
00:01:21,076 --> 00:01:22,774
- Amazing. Can't wait.
- Me neither.
28
00:01:22,839 --> 00:01:26,008
Until then, however, we're empty
so we're doing pay cuts.
29
00:01:26,073 --> 00:01:28,268
And shift cuts.
Yours, mainly.
30
00:01:28,716 --> 00:01:29,994
Well, look, no wozzas, boss.
31
00:01:30,059 --> 00:01:32,652
I've actually got a cheeky little
side hustle on the go right now
32
00:01:32,716 --> 00:01:36,155
- so I'm as flush as a brush.
- Side hustle? What side hustle?
33
00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:38,923
I've become a Knight of Eros
if you must know. Nosy.
34
00:01:38,988 --> 00:01:40,762
A what?
What the fuck is that?
35
00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:44,235
It's basically Rome's premier escort
agency for the discerning woman.
36
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:46,385
She can't be that discerning
if she's hiring you.
37
00:01:46,449 --> 00:01:48,332
Au contraire, mon frere.
38
00:01:48,396 --> 00:01:52,071
My penchant for neoteric verse
made me the ideal companion
39
00:01:52,136 --> 00:01:53,652
to the poetry recital last night.
40
00:01:53,716 --> 00:01:55,818
I'd have happily gone for free,
but as it was,
41
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:58,297
the lady in question give me 200 big ones.
42
00:01:58,362 --> 00:02:01,480
- But you look like a dog's arse.
- With 200 big ones stuffed up it.
43
00:02:01,545 --> 00:02:04,217
Water, barkeep, water, please.
44
00:02:04,282 --> 00:02:05,692
Certainly, sir.
Coming right up.
45
00:02:05,757 --> 00:02:07,652
Quick as you can, I'm late for a meeting.
46
00:02:07,716 --> 00:02:09,652
- Rampant out there, innit?
- And the rest.
47
00:02:09,716 --> 00:02:11,480
I'm sweating like a priest at an orgy here.
48
00:02:11,544 --> 00:02:14,013
In which case,
you're bound to enjoy an ice cube.
49
00:02:14,085 --> 00:02:17,251
A brand-new product guaranteed to
keep you and your drink supercool.
50
00:02:17,883 --> 00:02:21,239
Fill her up, son.
And don't let me forget this parasol.
51
00:02:21,304 --> 00:02:23,552
I've lost two of the sodding things
this week alone.
52
00:02:23,616 --> 00:02:26,425
Of course. And how was that ice for you?
Refreshing, I bet.
53
00:02:26,490 --> 00:02:29,366
- Tell you what you need, mate...
- Would you recommend it to a friend?
54
00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:31,493
- A hands-free parasol.
- Grumio, please...
55
00:02:31,558 --> 00:02:35,345
All the convenience of a hat,
all the coverage of a brolly.
56
00:02:35,410 --> 00:02:37,673
- And going back to the ice...
- Where did you get that from?
57
00:02:37,737 --> 00:02:39,104
I made it.
It's mine.
58
00:02:39,274 --> 00:02:43,904
Come and see me tomorrow.
Severus Galba. Businessman.
59
00:02:43,969 --> 00:02:45,998
I'm always on the hunt for new ideas.
60
00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:47,703
Grumio.
Ideas man.
61
00:02:48,839 --> 00:02:51,716
- Don't forget to come and see me.
- Don't forget your parasol.
62
00:02:58,659 --> 00:03:01,818
So, Jason, what makes you think
you've got what it takes
63
00:03:01,883 --> 00:03:03,438
to become a Knight of Eros?
64
00:03:03,503 --> 00:03:07,011
Well, for a start off,
my dating game is on point.
65
00:03:07,076 --> 00:03:09,652
- Is it really? How so?
- I look good,
66
00:03:09,716 --> 00:03:12,553
I smell good, I always keep a
lady's wine glass full to the brim.
67
00:03:12,617 --> 00:03:14,288
Okay, that's too full.
68
00:03:14,353 --> 00:03:17,470
I'm a great listener. Or, like,
I'm great at looking like I'm listening,
69
00:03:17,534 --> 00:03:20,150
but really, I'm zoning out.
Like this.
70
00:03:21,519 --> 00:03:25,313
Right. Impressive.
But I'm afraid our books are full.
71
00:03:25,378 --> 00:03:28,456
As if! You took Aurelius
and he's a massive dweeby douche.
72
00:03:28,521 --> 00:03:31,561
Aurelius, Aurelius...
Oh, yes. Him.
73
00:03:31,626 --> 00:03:33,954
If that gimp's getting dates,
I should be, too.
74
00:03:34,019 --> 00:03:35,836
I agree, he's quite niche.
75
00:03:35,901 --> 00:03:38,060
Niche ain't it.
He's a disgrace.
76
00:03:38,125 --> 00:03:40,963
You're giving a lonely lady
the worst night ever.
77
00:03:41,028 --> 00:03:43,378
When she could be getting
the night of her life.
78
00:03:45,418 --> 00:03:48,098
Look out for number 42.
He didn't give us a time, did he?
79
00:03:48,163 --> 00:03:50,652
Didn't give us anything, mate.
I'm the one he wanted to see.
80
00:03:50,716 --> 00:03:53,765
No, I know, but guys like this
can be sharks, Grumio.
81
00:03:53,830 --> 00:03:56,026
And you're some deformed little seal pup.
82
00:03:56,091 --> 00:03:59,091
I'm just here to make sure
you don't get eaten alive.
83
00:03:59,574 --> 00:04:02,749
Well, I've run it past my backroom
bods and they think it's a goer.
84
00:04:02,814 --> 00:04:04,395
- Boom-ting.
- Boom-ting indeed.
85
00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:06,534
And did you happen to mention
the ice as well?
86
00:04:06,599 --> 00:04:07,829
- You what?
- From your drink?
87
00:04:07,893 --> 00:04:09,695
- What are you doing?
- Cos with a bit of seed money
88
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,184
I could buy a huge block of the stuff.
89
00:04:11,248 --> 00:04:13,454
Okay, listen, I'm not
one to fuck about with foreplay,
90
00:04:13,518 --> 00:04:16,395
so I'll cut to the chase.
I like your idea, Grumio.
91
00:04:16,460 --> 00:04:17,652
I want to develop it.
92
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,652
Fantastic. So maybe we could develop
both ideas in tandem.
93
00:04:20,716 --> 00:04:22,049
Why are you still talking?
94
00:04:22,114 --> 00:04:25,148
In fact, why are you even here?
This is between me and Grumio.
95
00:04:25,213 --> 00:04:27,447
- He won't be told.
- It's not just between the two of you,
96
00:04:27,511 --> 00:04:30,534
I'm afraid.
You see, I happen to be Grumio's owner.
97
00:04:30,599 --> 00:04:32,852
Are you now?
Suddenly it all makes sense.
98
00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:37,115
So, I also own all his intellectual property.
If you can call it that.
99
00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:39,346
- I had an owner once myself.
- Really?
100
00:04:39,411 --> 00:04:42,115
- You were a slave?
- Back in the day, yes, I was.
101
00:04:42,180 --> 00:04:43,790
To another whiny little tit.
102
00:04:43,855 --> 00:04:46,652
But you've got your own desk
and door and everything.
103
00:04:46,716 --> 00:04:48,431
Well, I had some smart ideas.
104
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:50,979
Seized my opportunities,
made myself some moolah.
105
00:04:51,044 --> 00:04:52,831
And you can do the same, son.
106
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:54,492
How's 200?
107
00:04:54,556 --> 00:04:56,004
- For what, sorry?
- For Grumio.
108
00:04:56,069 --> 00:04:58,332
I'll buy him off you,
cut out the middle prick.
109
00:04:58,396 --> 00:05:01,328
I'm not developing his ideas
to make you rich, bozo.
110
00:05:01,393 --> 00:05:03,652
Well, the two of us,
we need to discuss it...
111
00:05:03,716 --> 00:05:05,046
No, we don't.
He'll take it.
112
00:05:05,111 --> 00:05:07,202
- What, really?
- I want to go with him.
113
00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:09,049
And get some moolah and a big fat desk.
114
00:05:09,114 --> 00:05:11,715
He's a proper businessman,
not some beaky numpty.
115
00:05:11,780 --> 00:05:13,331
Atta boy, Grumio.
116
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,195
So, what do we say then, "master"?
Have we got a deal?
117
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,306
What?
You sold our mate for a block of ice?
118
00:05:22,371 --> 00:05:23,981
Yeah.
Bought it off landlord.
119
00:05:24,046 --> 00:05:26,778
It's a fair exchange, really.
One big lump for another.
120
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:28,757
I must say, I'm a huge fan.
121
00:05:28,822 --> 00:05:30,383
It has a frosty beauty,
122
00:05:30,448 --> 00:05:33,949
a glimmering elegance,
almost a sadness about it.
123
00:05:34,014 --> 00:05:36,599
And it makes drinks colder.
That's the thing to tell people.
124
00:05:36,663 --> 00:05:40,078
In fact, you two should get out there
now and start handing out these flyers.
125
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,652
No, sorry, I can't.
I've got a theatre date in a bit.
126
00:05:42,716 --> 00:05:44,652
What, do you really?
That's curious.
127
00:05:44,716 --> 00:05:46,137
Is it?
Don't think so.
128
00:05:46,202 --> 00:05:49,652
No, it's just that I had a theatre date
myself through the agency,
129
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,010
which was then cancelled.
130
00:05:51,075 --> 00:05:53,188
And now here you are, a buffoon,
131
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,978
with a theatre date all of your own.
132
00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:56,837
What a coincidence.
133
00:05:56,902 --> 00:05:59,191
Let's see.
Is your date with someone called Jocasta?
134
00:05:59,267 --> 00:06:02,462
No, it's with someone called something else.
135
00:06:05,350 --> 00:06:06,550
Come.
136
00:06:06,715 --> 00:06:08,871
All right, boss?
Got some doodles to show you.
137
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,938
Good lad.
Let's have a squiz.
138
00:06:11,110 --> 00:06:15,563
So, we swap the fruit bowl for a headband
and put a sunshade in place of the bin lid.
139
00:06:15,628 --> 00:06:17,652
This is top drawer, Grumio.
140
00:06:17,716 --> 00:06:19,783
I got one of the grown-ups
in product design to help me.
141
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:24,172
- So, go on, what are we calling it?
- I were thinking the para-hat-asol.
142
00:06:24,236 --> 00:06:26,528
Or the hands-free shady boy.
143
00:06:26,593 --> 00:06:28,500
Good effort, but they're both shit.
144
00:06:28,716 --> 00:06:31,337
How about we name it after its creator?
145
00:06:31,402 --> 00:06:33,943
Let's call it the Grumbrella.
146
00:06:34,584 --> 00:06:36,794
I don't know what to say, boss.
I love it.
147
00:06:36,859 --> 00:06:40,343
You can stop calling me boss for one thing.
We're partners in this.
148
00:06:40,408 --> 00:06:44,024
In fact, I'm gonna get a partnership
agreement drawn up for you to sign.
149
00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:46,973
Wicked.
I mean, I'd have to draw up a signature
150
00:06:47,038 --> 00:06:48,769
- cos I don't actually have one of them.
- You do that.
151
00:06:48,833 --> 00:06:50,652
In the meantime, work on these designs.
152
00:06:50,716 --> 00:06:53,019
We've got a Grumbrella to launch.
153
00:06:53,084 --> 00:06:54,742
All right, boss.
All over it.
154
00:06:55,208 --> 00:06:56,844
Sorry, not boss.
155
00:06:57,219 --> 00:07:00,250
Partner.
Mate. Severus.
156
00:07:03,559 --> 00:07:07,445
We give all we have to our husbands,
157
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:11,337
throwing ourselves on the mercy of his lust!
158
00:07:12,249 --> 00:07:15,015
I think that was the finest production
of Medea I've seen.
159
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:19,211
Yeah, I mean, that is true for me,
too, as it goes.
160
00:07:19,276 --> 00:07:20,652
You enjoyed it, then?
161
00:07:20,717 --> 00:07:22,652
I liked the costumes.
And the blood.
162
00:07:22,716 --> 00:07:24,832
I thought it could have done
with a couple of songs, you know,
163
00:07:24,896 --> 00:07:27,863
to lighten the mood.
I mean, that main lady, what's her name?
164
00:07:27,928 --> 00:07:29,255
- Medea.
- Yeah,
165
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,172
she was a bit
of a Debbie Downer, weren't she?
166
00:07:31,236 --> 00:07:34,909
Yes, you could say that, given that she kills
her children to spite her cheating husband.
167
00:07:34,973 --> 00:07:36,880
Hang on, did you say her name was Medea?
168
00:07:36,945 --> 00:07:40,716
Cos I just thought everyone was
calling her "my dear" the whole time.
169
00:07:42,297 --> 00:07:44,727
I'm gonna go and powder my nose.
170
00:07:49,185 --> 00:07:51,907
- Where did you come from?
- I knew it wasn't a coincidence.
171
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,977
You stole my date, you devious dog.
172
00:07:54,042 --> 00:07:56,793
- Did you follow us here?
- Via the play, yes. Though I'm glad I did.
173
00:07:56,857 --> 00:07:59,401
That was genuinely the best production
of Medea I've ever seen.
174
00:07:59,465 --> 00:08:01,692
Okay, well, piss off before Jocasta
gets back.
175
00:08:01,757 --> 00:08:05,305
No. You piss off, you interloping shit!
She should be here with me.
176
00:08:05,370 --> 00:08:08,140
I'm not leaving now, mate.
I've not had my chicken burger yet.
177
00:08:08,205 --> 00:08:12,319
Chicken burger. I mean, you are so
unsuitable for Jocasta, it's absurd.
178
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:15,169
- I insist that you let me take over.
- Okay, fine.
179
00:08:15,234 --> 00:08:17,993
Tomorrow, we'll go and see that
snooty bloke from the agency
180
00:08:18,058 --> 00:08:20,384
and he can decide
who's the best man for the job.
181
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:22,430
- All right?
- Bring it on.
182
00:08:22,606 --> 00:08:24,104
Your funeral, fucko.
183
00:08:28,858 --> 00:08:30,560
Amazing, right?
184
00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:32,498
Well, it's a huge block of ice, yes.
185
00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:34,848
Still not quite sure why I had to
come all the way down here, though.
186
00:08:34,912 --> 00:08:39,087
So you could stroke it.
Go on. It's so cold and hard.
187
00:08:41,642 --> 00:08:44,012
I mean, I hate to pour cold water on it,
Marcus,
188
00:08:44,076 --> 00:08:46,652
but there is a growing pool
of cold water on the floor.
189
00:08:46,716 --> 00:08:50,189
There was a bit of run-off, sure.
But you've got to try it. See what you think.
190
00:08:50,254 --> 00:08:52,432
I'm happy with room temperature water,
to be honest.
191
00:08:52,496 --> 00:08:53,809
Right.
192
00:08:53,874 --> 00:08:57,398
Well, I guess your generation are
pretty resistant to new technology.
193
00:08:57,463 --> 00:08:59,511
Excuse me, "My generation"?
194
00:08:59,576 --> 00:09:01,659
You are a fair bit older than me, aren't you?
195
00:09:01,724 --> 00:09:04,356
Charming. Do you point out
the age of all your customers?
196
00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:07,652
- It may explain why you are empty.
- The customers will come.
197
00:09:07,879 --> 00:09:09,753
Just as soon as word spreads about the ice.
198
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:12,873
And if they don't, you can just
stand here stroking it all day.
199
00:09:14,103 --> 00:09:16,851
Maybe stop doing that, actually.
You're making it melt faster.
200
00:09:20,079 --> 00:09:22,652
- We had a rapport...
- You cannot send her back to him!
201
00:09:22,716 --> 00:09:25,782
- And frankly, I saw her first.
- Okay, enough!
202
00:09:25,847 --> 00:09:28,652
Shush now. What exactly
do you want me to do about this?
203
00:09:28,716 --> 00:09:32,472
- I want you to put him out of his misery.
- Choose one of us to continue dating Jocasta.
204
00:09:32,536 --> 00:09:35,105
Well, maybe Jocasta
could choose for herself.
205
00:09:35,170 --> 00:09:38,536
As it happens, she came in
with her feedback form this morning.
206
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:41,455
- Perfect. What's she got to say?
- Well, starting with you, Jason.
207
00:09:41,519 --> 00:09:43,652
While she admits you were easy on the eye,
208
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:47,265
she describes your date as stilted
and intellectually arid.
209
00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:50,439
Yes! In your face! Arid.
You, sir, are arid.
210
00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:54,327
As for you, Aurelius, she praises
your wit and sophistication,
211
00:09:54,392 --> 00:09:58,050
but found you visually challenging
and compares you to a greased goat.
212
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,941
See?
I told you you was butters.
213
00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:04,524
Okay, so which one of us does she want
to see again? It's not completely clear.
214
00:10:04,589 --> 00:10:06,419
Neither of you.
Obviously.
215
00:10:06,484 --> 00:10:08,284
Nor will I be keeping you on our books
216
00:10:08,349 --> 00:10:11,012
as it is evident that both of you fall short
217
00:10:11,076 --> 00:10:14,083
of the Knights of Eros standards.
Goodbye.
218
00:10:19,245 --> 00:10:23,254
- Oh, my days. This is huge.
- So huge.
219
00:10:23,319 --> 00:10:25,020
This can't all be for Grumio, surely?
220
00:10:25,085 --> 00:10:26,485
Easy, lads.
Thanks for coming.
221
00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:29,652
All right, chilli-dog, what's going on here?
Who are all the togas?
222
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:32,692
Just some influencers,
a few journos, the odd celeb.
223
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:35,286
Severus likes to push the boat out
for a product launch.
224
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,348
Grumio, it is quite a weird product.
225
00:10:38,413 --> 00:10:40,211
So don't expect them all to love it.
226
00:10:40,276 --> 00:10:42,652
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
Know what I mean?
227
00:10:42,716 --> 00:10:45,722
Cheers, Marcus. I knew I could trust
you to bring the good vibes.
228
00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:48,652
I also brought some flyers about our ice.
229
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,809
Do you think I could maybe
hand them to the influencers?
230
00:10:50,873 --> 00:10:53,652
- Definitely not, no.
- Right, listen up, everyone.
231
00:10:53,716 --> 00:10:56,187
Oh, here we go.
Show time.
232
00:10:57,249 --> 00:10:58,652
I'm just gonna pop them down here.
233
00:10:58,716 --> 00:11:01,012
When I first clapped eyes
on the inventor of this product,
234
00:11:01,076 --> 00:11:02,772
he reminded me a bit of myself.
235
00:11:02,889 --> 00:11:05,652
A little slave with big ideas.
236
00:11:05,716 --> 00:11:07,432
An idiot master holding him back.
237
00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:09,862
All he needed was someone
to give him a chance.
238
00:11:09,927 --> 00:11:13,012
Grumio, come up here, son.
Introduce your idea.
239
00:11:18,057 --> 00:11:20,388
So all it is basically is a big brolly.
240
00:11:20,453 --> 00:11:23,103
But you don't have to hold it,
cos it sits on your head.
241
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,183
And it's called the Grumbrella.
242
00:11:37,107 --> 00:11:38,801
One for the lads.
243
00:11:46,716 --> 00:11:48,368
Oh, no, mate...
244
00:11:49,716 --> 00:11:50,964
Yes...
245
00:11:53,428 --> 00:11:55,606
Lucky seven!
246
00:12:08,025 --> 00:12:10,961
So, I was thinking, maybe we should
kick on and expand the range?
247
00:12:11,025 --> 00:12:12,816
Very sensible.
What are we talking?
248
00:12:12,881 --> 00:12:16,961
Well, I wanna do a big one with sparkly
ends like a crown called a Maxigrum,
249
00:12:17,025 --> 00:12:19,200
and a double one you can wear
with your mate called a Chumgrum.
250
00:12:19,264 --> 00:12:21,595
I love it!
You're on fire, Grumio.
251
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:24,961
I know I am.
So I've also invented a fancy new signature
252
00:12:25,025 --> 00:12:27,142
so that we can finish
the partnership thingy.
253
00:12:27,207 --> 00:12:28,961
Oh, that, yeah.
254
00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:32,961
My lawyer is just putting the finishing
touches to that so it's all nice and official.
255
00:12:33,242 --> 00:12:34,781
But don't you worry about that.
256
00:12:34,846 --> 00:12:37,616
You crack on with these new ideas,
your little legend!
257
00:12:38,399 --> 00:12:39,635
Will do!
258
00:12:40,751 --> 00:12:43,298
Small stitches, dickhead,
this is a quality product.
259
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:48,108
I mean, I got a one out of ten
for appearance!
260
00:12:48,173 --> 00:12:49,697
- One!
- That is harsh.
261
00:12:49,762 --> 00:12:51,626
Even I'd give you a two.
What did I get?
262
00:12:51,691 --> 00:12:54,483
Eight. But you got a nought for
conversation, whereas I got a nine.
263
00:12:54,547 --> 00:12:56,961
Between us, we'd have a near-perfect score.
264
00:12:57,025 --> 00:12:59,037
It's a shame we're not one person.
265
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:01,682
- What if we could be?
- How would that work?
266
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:03,503
We go on dates together.
267
00:13:03,568 --> 00:13:05,564
I'm not dating a one out of ten.
268
00:13:05,629 --> 00:13:09,801
No, I mean, we pool our resources,
take ladies out as a pair.
269
00:13:09,865 --> 00:13:11,731
Oh, shit, yeah!
270
00:13:11,796 --> 00:13:14,573
So I do the looking good
and you do the talking good.
271
00:13:14,638 --> 00:13:16,961
- Talking well.
- Right. This is what I mean.
272
00:13:17,025 --> 00:13:18,961
Glass of water please, barkeep.
273
00:13:19,025 --> 00:13:20,481
Ah, hello Grumio.
274
00:13:20,531 --> 00:13:22,636
I see success has literally
gone to your head.
275
00:13:22,865 --> 00:13:24,961
Oh, this?
It's just a Maxigrum, mate,
276
00:13:25,025 --> 00:13:27,155
a big ballsy bastard for fans of the brand.
277
00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:30,094
Yeah man, congrats,
the Grumbrellas are everywhere.
278
00:13:30,159 --> 00:13:31,961
We are shifting stock, it's true.
279
00:13:32,025 --> 00:13:34,182
- How's it going with the ice?
- Great, thanks.
280
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,344
- Our stock is also shifting.
- Oh yeah?
281
00:13:36,463 --> 00:13:38,961
Cos people are buying it
or cos it's melting onto the floor?
282
00:13:39,025 --> 00:13:39,961
Bit of both.
283
00:13:40,025 --> 00:13:42,791
- Mainly melting though, ain't it?
- What do you actually want, Grumio?
284
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,880
- Why are you here?
- Just came to say hi.
285
00:13:44,945 --> 00:13:48,316
And to let you know that I'm hiring a PA.
Thought I'd give you first refusal.
286
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:50,313
And I refuse, thanks.
287
00:13:50,378 --> 00:13:53,749
I've got bigger career ambitions than
being my former slave's secretary.
288
00:13:53,961 --> 00:13:57,025
Oh well, hope for the best,
prepare for the worst, eh?
289
00:14:05,426 --> 00:14:08,326
- Are you sure this is the one?
- Yeah, I stalked her home after our date.
290
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:09,635
- Stalked?
- Walked.
291
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,161
Which one was it?
292
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,527
Well, both actually.
293
00:14:12,592 --> 00:14:15,386
I walked her some of the way
and then stalked her the rest.
294
00:14:15,815 --> 00:14:17,843
Jocasta, hey!
Remember us?
295
00:14:17,908 --> 00:14:20,603
Oh, yes, hello.
You two know each other.
296
00:14:20,668 --> 00:14:21,961
- How odd.
- We do indeed.
297
00:14:22,025 --> 00:14:23,677
We're great buds.
298
00:14:23,742 --> 00:14:26,363
What a charming story.
Now, I'm late for my chiropractor.
299
00:14:26,428 --> 00:14:30,561
We won't keep you. We're just here to pitch
you a bold new take on the escorting industry.
300
00:14:30,626 --> 00:14:31,800
Right, which is?
301
00:14:31,865 --> 00:14:35,801
Say hello to your favourite new agency,
the Candy Boys.
302
00:14:35,865 --> 00:14:37,813
I bring the eye candy, you see this.
303
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,134
He brings the ear candy, you hear that.
304
00:14:40,199 --> 00:14:42,823
- Two for the price of one.
- Right.
305
00:14:42,888 --> 00:14:45,345
But I still have to look at that as in him?
306
00:14:45,410 --> 00:14:47,227
I could stay out of your eyeline
if you'd prefer.
307
00:14:47,291 --> 00:14:50,132
I'd insist.
And you'd stay silent?
308
00:14:50,197 --> 00:14:52,197
He would.
And as our first client,
309
00:14:52,262 --> 00:14:54,449
we could give you the initial date
half price.
310
00:14:54,514 --> 00:14:56,153
Two for the price of ha...
311
00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:02,228
Secretary!
312
00:15:02,293 --> 00:15:04,812
All right, all right, keep your brolly on.
313
00:15:04,877 --> 00:15:06,961
- What is it now?
- Anything in the in-tray?
314
00:15:07,025 --> 00:15:09,492
I'm waiting for a partnership thingy
from Severus.
315
00:15:09,557 --> 00:15:13,739
Well, we got a shitload more of these
customer complaint letters in, yeah.
316
00:15:14,025 --> 00:15:15,499
Frigging hell, what now?
317
00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:18,961
Some dopey bastard got a spoke
in his eye from the Megagrum.
318
00:15:19,025 --> 00:15:21,349
The Maxigrum.
If you're gonna be my secretary,
319
00:15:21,414 --> 00:15:24,248
- you've got to learn the product names.
- Yeah, yeah, whatever.
320
00:15:24,313 --> 00:15:26,606
And then two more injured on the Mateygrum.
321
00:15:26,671 --> 00:15:28,499
The Chumgrum.
322
00:15:28,564 --> 00:15:31,894
Twisted their necks
trying to go in opposite directions.
323
00:15:31,959 --> 00:15:33,643
Numpties.
324
00:15:33,708 --> 00:15:36,269
Oh yeah, this one says he's gonna sue.
325
00:15:36,334 --> 00:15:38,377
Stupid bloody public fools.
326
00:15:38,442 --> 00:15:40,872
Can't see genius
when it pokes them in the eye.
327
00:15:40,937 --> 00:15:43,409
So it's their fault, is it?
Is that how we're gonna respond?
328
00:15:43,473 --> 00:15:46,110
No.
We're not responding at all.
329
00:15:46,188 --> 00:15:48,877
- Bin 'em. Bin all the bad ones.
- Lovely.
330
00:15:48,942 --> 00:15:50,471
That is so much better.
331
00:15:50,536 --> 00:15:53,856
And find me some fan mail, dammit,
it's what I bloody well deserve.
332
00:15:55,576 --> 00:15:57,588
It's getting smaller by the day.
333
00:15:57,653 --> 00:16:00,960
Yeah, I mean it will do that,
it's like an inbuilt design feature.
334
00:16:01,025 --> 00:16:03,751
No, I know. But there's gotta be
a way to slow it down.
335
00:16:03,816 --> 00:16:07,039
Well, pack it in ice.
Keep the ice nice and icy.
336
00:16:07,104 --> 00:16:09,161
Right, and how about that ice?
How do I keep that cold?
337
00:16:09,225 --> 00:16:11,206
Well, again, more ice and on it goes.
338
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,373
- It takes ice to keep ice.
- No, sorry, this is ridiculous.
339
00:16:14,438 --> 00:16:17,051
New plan.
If the people won't come to the ice,
340
00:16:17,116 --> 00:16:20,638
the ice will have to come to the people.
Let's go, boys, we're hitting the streets.
341
00:16:20,702 --> 00:16:22,897
Oh, no, sorry, we can't.
We've got a hot date.
342
00:16:22,962 --> 00:16:24,184
What?
Both of you?
343
00:16:24,311 --> 00:16:26,843
- Big times. I bring the looks.
- And I bring the noise.
344
00:16:26,908 --> 00:16:29,515
- And together we are...
- The Candy Boys.
345
00:16:29,705 --> 00:16:32,068
- Bit weird.
- Good luck with it, though.
346
00:16:32,897 --> 00:16:34,108
Stop melting my ice.
347
00:16:34,173 --> 00:16:36,457
She's not gonna be looking at you, anyway.
348
00:16:37,908 --> 00:16:39,255
I love this piece.
349
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,123
It's so vivid, static,
350
00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:43,961
- yet somehow full of life.
- Absolutely.
351
00:16:44,025 --> 00:16:45,961
The blue veins of the Carrara marble
352
00:16:46,025 --> 00:16:48,243
seem to evoke the very blood
pulsing through him.
353
00:16:48,788 --> 00:16:52,525
You can almost hear the shrill hoot
of his pipe being blown.
354
00:16:55,444 --> 00:16:56,773
Ooh, sorry.
355
00:16:58,208 --> 00:17:01,593
- Now, what do you know of this one?
- Ionian.
356
00:17:01,765 --> 00:17:03,015
Maybe 500 years old,
357
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,485
a classic depiction of Ulysses
beating off the one-eyed monster.
358
00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:10,486
What would you stay
is your favourite style of column?
359
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,465
I like an Ionian, of course, who doesn't?
360
00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:16,768
But really, for me, it's fluted Corinthian,
every day of the week.
361
00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:18,218
Ice!
362
00:17:19,488 --> 00:17:20,839
Ice cube.
363
00:17:20,904 --> 00:17:23,961
How many species of tree do you
think you could name in this grove?
364
00:17:24,025 --> 00:17:26,044
I think I could manage all 48 of them.
365
00:17:26,109 --> 00:17:28,025
Ice?
Right you are.
366
00:17:29,987 --> 00:17:31,209
Here you go.
367
00:17:39,831 --> 00:17:40,961
I want a word with you.
368
00:17:41,025 --> 00:17:44,136
'Ey up, Severus, I'm working
on a new Grumbrella for kids.
369
00:17:44,201 --> 00:17:46,961
It's called the Can-I-Have-One-Mum-Grum.
What do you reckon?
370
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:50,614
I reckon you should wear a Bloody
Prize Plumgrum, that's what I reckon.
371
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,267
Have you had any
letters from lawyers recently?
372
00:17:53,790 --> 00:17:56,844
- Might have done, yeah, why?
- About 40 of the flesh eating fuckers
373
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,308
are threatening to sue me
a new arsehole, that's why.
374
00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:02,166
Punters keep getting skewered
by your products.
375
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,850
The moaning minnies
aren't still bleating on, are they?
376
00:18:04,915 --> 00:18:07,103
Not all of them, no.
One of them died.
377
00:18:07,168 --> 00:18:08,961
Couldn't see past the massive spokes,
378
00:18:09,025 --> 00:18:10,234
got hit by a wagon!
379
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:11,860
So he's not bleating on,
380
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,478
but his family are bleating on very loudly.
381
00:18:14,543 --> 00:18:16,593
Just get your lawyer to tell them
to naff off.
382
00:18:16,658 --> 00:18:19,118
He must have finished our
partnership thingy by now, surely?
383
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,367
No, he's...
384
00:18:22,025 --> 00:18:23,619
I tell you what.
385
00:18:23,684 --> 00:18:26,490
Why don't we forget about
the partnership thingy
386
00:18:26,555 --> 00:18:30,295
and put the Grumbrella part of the business
entirely in your name?
387
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,454
- Yeah? Really?
- Why not?
388
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:35,961
It's your baby after all,
I just helped yank it out of you.
389
00:18:36,025 --> 00:18:40,279
Right. So when my ideas are raking it in,
you can't be arsed,
390
00:18:40,344 --> 00:18:43,370
but when they're making people mardy
or, you know, dead,
391
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,611
suddenly you want me to go it alone,
is that right?
392
00:18:45,675 --> 00:18:48,819
I just want you to forge ahead,
Grumio, be your own man.
393
00:18:50,486 --> 00:18:53,961
But I reckon I'd rather
be your man right now, boss.
394
00:19:09,708 --> 00:19:12,372
Goodness me, what a downpour.
395
00:19:12,437 --> 00:19:14,876
Well, all that humidity
had to break sooner or later.
396
00:19:14,941 --> 00:19:18,461
Yes.
Let's get you out of those wet clothes.
397
00:19:23,577 --> 00:19:25,467
No, not you.
398
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,690
God, you plebeian oinking
is a real passion killer.
399
00:19:28,755 --> 00:19:30,531
That's your department back there.
400
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,378
Including, you want me
to make pleasure noises as well?
401
00:19:33,443 --> 00:19:35,603
All the noises, that was the deal.
402
00:19:37,025 --> 00:19:40,303
Ooh, mmm.
Ooh, lovely.
403
00:19:40,384 --> 00:19:41,593
Jocasta...
404
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:50,448
Oh, Jason, you are sexy.
405
00:19:50,545 --> 00:19:52,404
Oh, thank you.
I work out.
406
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,355
- Talk dirty to me.
- All right, yep.
407
00:19:57,025 --> 00:20:00,453
I'm gonna wreck you, you filthy lady.
408
00:20:00,609 --> 00:20:02,730
- Do your worst.
- I plan to.
409
00:20:03,277 --> 00:20:06,329
Are you cool if we get a bit kinky?
410
00:20:07,137 --> 00:20:09,531
Yeah, of course, I'd love that.
411
00:20:11,107 --> 00:20:15,461
You're gonna need a safe word
in case things get a bit much.
412
00:20:15,526 --> 00:20:18,337
Oh, right, like 'stop' or 'don't'?
413
00:20:18,571 --> 00:20:21,486
- Just pick one!
- Mummy. Let's, let's go with 'mummy'.
414
00:20:24,025 --> 00:20:25,234
Oh yeah.
415
00:20:25,587 --> 00:20:27,446
Here it comes.
416
00:20:31,241 --> 00:20:34,114
Ooh, that's good.
I think.
417
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,314
742 classic Grumbrellas,
418
00:20:43,379 --> 00:20:46,147
14 Maxigrums, five Chumgrums,
419
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:50,389
a large mahogany desk,
three ink pots and one small slave.
420
00:20:50,774 --> 00:20:52,472
Poor old Severus.
421
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,847
Spends 25 years building up his business,
422
00:20:54,912 --> 00:20:57,007
meets you and then loses it
all in a couple of weeks.
423
00:20:57,071 --> 00:21:00,155
Might've known you'd sniff out
a closing down sale, you tightwad.
424
00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:03,220
Well, I thought I might buy a few
Grumbrellas at a knockdown price.
425
00:21:04,470 --> 00:21:06,768
I'm sorry for doubting you, Grumio.
426
00:21:07,025 --> 00:21:09,488
It was actually quite a good idea,
it turns out,
427
00:21:09,738 --> 00:21:10,961
until it killed people.
428
00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:12,441
Cheers.
429
00:21:12,506 --> 00:21:14,879
Don't suppose you fancy
buying the inventor, do you?
430
00:21:16,412 --> 00:21:18,710
55 dinari!
Bloody hell.
431
00:21:19,634 --> 00:21:21,247
I'll do you a discount.
432
00:21:26,350 --> 00:21:29,576
I was stuck behind the sofa,
how could I see what she was doing?
433
00:21:29,641 --> 00:21:32,326
Well, I've got wax burns
on my ballbag now, thanks to you.
434
00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:35,443
And who has 'mummy'
as their safe word, you sicko?
435
00:21:35,617 --> 00:21:38,484
So I take it the Candy Boys
have ceased operations?
436
00:21:38,549 --> 00:21:41,631
Yeah, well, I can't sit down.
That makes dinner dates a bit trickier.
437
00:21:41,696 --> 00:21:43,642
Actually, have you got any more ice left?
438
00:21:43,707 --> 00:21:46,859
Yes. There's, like,
one tiny cube around somewhere.
439
00:21:47,576 --> 00:21:49,022
I think I might have got it.
440
00:21:49,087 --> 00:21:50,460
Don't bite it!
441
00:21:55,221 --> 00:21:57,025
That is well soothing.
442
00:21:59,259 --> 00:22:03,859
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
37105
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