All language subtitles for Plebs - 05x02 - The Paedos.MTB.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,273 --> 00:00:02,211 So, the final scores are in 2 00:00:02,273 --> 00:00:05,382 and I can reveal that in second place with 70 points, 3 00:00:05,445 --> 00:00:06,684 I'm Smartacus! 4 00:00:08,707 --> 00:00:10,051 So, in joint first place, 5 00:00:10,113 --> 00:00:12,611 with 75 points and a chance to win the ham, 6 00:00:12,674 --> 00:00:17,210 we have a tie between Angela's Team and We Own The Bloody Bar. 7 00:00:17,389 --> 00:00:21,290 Which can mean only one thing, everybody, it's a sudden-death tiebreaker! 8 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,668 It's a geography question. Here goes. 9 00:00:23,746 --> 00:00:28,211 What is the capital of Britannia? 10 00:00:28,273 --> 00:00:30,721 We Own The Bloody Bar, I'll take your answer first. 11 00:00:30,784 --> 00:00:32,338 It's Londinium. 12 00:00:32,401 --> 00:00:34,211 Right, cos I think it's Camulodunum. 13 00:00:34,273 --> 00:00:36,211 Okay, well, I know it's Londinium. 14 00:00:36,273 --> 00:00:37,891 Well, what do you two think? 15 00:00:37,953 --> 00:00:40,587 - I can only think about ham. - I'm gonna have to hurry you. 16 00:00:40,650 --> 00:00:43,552 Okay, right, I think we go with Marcus. It's the sort of saddo shit he knows. 17 00:00:43,614 --> 00:00:45,667 Thank you. It is. I am excellent at geography. 18 00:00:45,737 --> 00:00:48,976 - Fine! Go on then, saddo. - Londinium. It's Londinium. 19 00:00:49,039 --> 00:00:52,137 - Angela's Team? - We think it's Camulodunum. 20 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,459 And the capital of Britannia is... 21 00:00:54,757 --> 00:00:55,980 Camulodunum! 22 00:00:56,043 --> 00:00:58,370 Angela's Team, you've won the ham! 23 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,300 Well played, well played. 24 00:01:00,568 --> 00:01:03,313 I'm keeping it! Get off! We own the bloody bar! 25 00:01:04,055 --> 00:01:08,655 Sync and corrections: minouhse www.addic7ed.com 26 00:01:23,802 --> 00:01:26,607 - Hello, Gloria. - Oh, you made it. 27 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:30,740 Surprised you found your way across town, what with your piss-poor grasp of geography. 28 00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:35,181 Still on that, are we? How about we move on? Try and find our way to dinner later? 29 00:01:35,244 --> 00:01:37,740 Can't, I'm afraid. I'm having a wild night in with Barney 30 00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:39,740 and his essay on the Second Punic War. 31 00:01:39,802 --> 00:01:41,879 Is that not something he can handle himself? 32 00:01:41,942 --> 00:01:44,405 Handling himself is the only thing he can do these days. 33 00:01:44,468 --> 00:01:47,491 He's in some stinky, sticky phase, where all he thinks about is sex. 34 00:01:47,911 --> 00:01:50,057 Not sure that's a phase, exactly. 35 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,125 Forgot his schoolbooks, too, the dozy sod. 36 00:01:52,188 --> 00:01:54,456 I'd get in a pedagogue to tutor him if I had the cash. 37 00:01:54,518 --> 00:01:57,474 - I know even less about this stuff than him. - Why don't I tutor him? 38 00:01:57,536 --> 00:01:59,859 I guess because last night proved you know even less than me? 39 00:01:59,906 --> 00:02:01,684 No, that was different. That was geography. 40 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,902 This is history. AKA my specialist subject. 41 00:02:04,965 --> 00:02:06,324 Especially the Punic Wars. 42 00:02:06,386 --> 00:02:08,609 And extra-specially, the second one. 43 00:02:08,672 --> 00:02:12,528 Well, that would be very helpful, actually. 44 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,592 - You don't expect me to pay for this, do you? - Nah, course not. 45 00:02:15,655 --> 00:02:17,324 Not in money, anyway. 46 00:02:17,386 --> 00:02:19,800 - It's really not a phase, is it? - Afraid not. 47 00:02:19,863 --> 00:02:22,006 I'll make sure he gets his schoolbooks as well. 48 00:02:22,069 --> 00:02:24,061 - You sure? - All part of the service, madam. 49 00:02:26,658 --> 00:02:29,946 Hang on, Gloria wants you to be a paedo for her son? 50 00:02:30,009 --> 00:02:32,728 Pedagogue! Not paedo. As in tutor. 51 00:02:32,791 --> 00:02:34,634 - I'm a pedo, if anything. - Right. 52 00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:36,663 Sorry, language was never my specialist subject. 53 00:02:36,725 --> 00:02:38,324 No shit! Do you even have one? 54 00:02:38,386 --> 00:02:39,633 Er, yes! 55 00:02:39,696 --> 00:02:41,539 It was, er... Not maths. 56 00:02:41,602 --> 00:02:43,237 All right, what's yours, dick breath? 57 00:02:43,299 --> 00:02:45,324 - Apart from being bullied? - Well, where do I start? 58 00:02:45,386 --> 00:02:47,937 Woodland dance. Calligraphy. Choral odes. 59 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,018 - Choral odes?! - Big time, baby. 60 00:02:50,081 --> 00:02:52,769 You're looking at the primo soprano at my school's soprano choir. 61 00:02:52,831 --> 00:02:55,696 - Soprano? Isn't that a girl's part? - Traditionally, yes. 62 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:59,014 But thankfully, my balls remained high and hard until I was 18. 63 00:02:59,084 --> 00:03:02,291 - So you were bullied, then? - Well, yes, obviously a bit. 64 00:03:02,588 --> 00:03:05,032 Mainly by the girl whose solos I'd stolen. 65 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,574 What about you, G-Dog? What was your specialist subject? 66 00:03:08,183 --> 00:03:09,394 Probably lunch. 67 00:03:09,629 --> 00:03:11,417 - Not a subject. - Course it is. 68 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:14,698 Every meal is a test and I have a 100% pass rate. 69 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,611 Yeah, well, not any more, you don't. 70 00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:20,254 - Hey, what you doing? I were acing that. - Go take Barney his school books. 71 00:03:20,317 --> 00:03:22,293 There is no such thing as a free lunch. 72 00:03:22,356 --> 00:03:26,159 Alright, keep your dick on. I must have a specialist subject. 73 00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:27,433 Maybe it's fashion. 74 00:03:27,496 --> 00:03:31,943 Don't think it is, mate. 75 00:03:42,904 --> 00:03:44,169 Barney! 76 00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,513 Excuse me. 77 00:03:46,906 --> 00:03:50,324 - Has anyone seen Barney? - Hey, you, what are you doing out there? 78 00:03:50,386 --> 00:03:52,658 Oh, soz. I'm just looking for Barney. 79 00:03:52,721 --> 00:03:54,001 Are you a sixth former? 80 00:03:54,064 --> 00:03:55,607 What? No. 81 00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:58,252 Then you're not allowed outside the gates at breaktime. 82 00:03:58,315 --> 00:03:59,924 Come on, in you come. 83 00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:02,649 Have you had your lunch yet? 84 00:04:02,712 --> 00:04:03,995 Not completely. 85 00:04:04,058 --> 00:04:07,496 They stop serving in 20 minutes, so if you want something to eat, you better hurry up. 86 00:04:07,558 --> 00:04:09,358 Right. Yeah. 87 00:04:09,906 --> 00:04:11,890 - I better had, hadn't I? - Yes. 88 00:04:14,972 --> 00:04:17,415 - Come on, chop chop. - Ooh, yeah. 89 00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:28,411 By what means did Rome achieve victory in the Second Punic War? 90 00:04:28,474 --> 00:04:30,911 So, the thing to do here is break the question down. 91 00:04:30,974 --> 00:04:34,100 What does 'by' mean? What does 'means' mean? 92 00:04:34,163 --> 00:04:36,030 What does 'Rome' mean? 93 00:04:36,093 --> 00:04:37,648 The city we live in? 94 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,280 No, I know. Sure. 95 00:04:39,386 --> 00:04:40,943 But what does 'victory' mean? 96 00:04:41,006 --> 00:04:42,465 Was it a victory, in fact? 97 00:04:42,528 --> 00:04:44,879 Isn't that the question behind the question? 98 00:04:44,942 --> 00:04:47,689 - It says how we won in the text book. - Forget the text book. 99 00:04:47,752 --> 00:04:49,891 We don't need it. You got me. I am the text book. 100 00:04:49,954 --> 00:04:51,324 So, let's jot down the ways 101 00:04:51,386 --> 00:04:55,130 in which the Second Punic War was in fact a defeat. 102 00:04:56,778 --> 00:04:58,073 Are you doing that, 103 00:04:58,136 --> 00:05:00,673 or are you just writing the word 'Sabrina'? 104 00:05:00,736 --> 00:05:02,190 Yeah, um... Sorry. 105 00:05:02,253 --> 00:05:03,902 Ooh, hello. 106 00:05:03,965 --> 00:05:05,742 Who's Sabrina, then? 107 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,246 It's a girl in the year above. 108 00:05:07,309 --> 00:05:09,324 - Keep talking. - Or maybe don't, in fact? 109 00:05:09,386 --> 00:05:10,767 Oh, she's well fit, trust me. 110 00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:13,780 - Everything about her's perfect. - Sweet. She your girlfriend, then? 111 00:05:13,842 --> 00:05:16,661 No. Are you joking? She doesn't even know I exist. 112 00:05:16,724 --> 00:05:17,743 I'm nothing to her. 113 00:05:17,806 --> 00:05:20,854 Just like the Roman army was nothing to the might of Carthage. 114 00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:23,627 So let her know you're something, brother. Get inside her head. 115 00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:26,159 She's in the year above. I can't even get inside her classroom. 116 00:05:26,221 --> 00:05:29,070 So build up your street cred. Get people talking about you. 117 00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:31,079 Lay some traps then reel her in. 118 00:05:31,142 --> 00:05:33,918 Just like Hannibal trapped the Roman army in the battle of Cannae. 119 00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:36,866 Stop making everything about history. Your man's bored shitless. 120 00:05:36,929 --> 00:05:38,310 But it is about history. 121 00:05:38,373 --> 00:05:42,008 That's literally what we're doing here, and Barney will learn to enjoy it. 122 00:05:42,071 --> 00:05:43,595 I don't think I will, actually. 123 00:05:44,071 --> 00:05:46,907 - I sort of want more tutoring from him. - Oh, my Jove. 124 00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:49,459 That's my specialist subject. It's chirpsin'. 125 00:05:49,522 --> 00:05:52,985 Which will come in really handy when he's writing an essay on the Second Punic War. 126 00:05:53,047 --> 00:05:55,621 Why don't you just write it and then he can copy you? 127 00:05:55,684 --> 00:05:57,186 - Because that's cheating. - So? 128 00:05:57,249 --> 00:06:00,464 You'll keep banging on at him until he writes exactly what you want, anyway. 129 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,423 I'd much prefer it, to be honest. 130 00:06:02,486 --> 00:06:04,134 I bet you would. Your mum may not, though. 131 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,926 I won't say anything if you won't. 132 00:06:07,257 --> 00:06:09,577 - All right, then. - Follow me, Barno. 133 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:13,639 I'm gonna teach you my trademark sexy lip bite. 134 00:06:16,762 --> 00:06:19,004 It's intelligent, yet readable. 135 00:06:19,066 --> 00:06:21,141 Provocative, but not glib. 136 00:06:21,204 --> 00:06:23,896 It's up there with some of my best work. In fact, 137 00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:26,380 - let me just read it to you. - Oh, yeah, great, I'd love that. 138 00:06:26,443 --> 00:06:29,236 As would I, of course, but sadly, I'm off out for a walk. 139 00:06:29,299 --> 00:06:31,324 A walk? Since when do you walk? 140 00:06:31,386 --> 00:06:34,906 I'm a life-long walker, sunshine, except for my first year or so. 141 00:06:35,891 --> 00:06:38,008 - Gloria. - Morning, boys. 142 00:06:38,262 --> 00:06:40,164 Gloria! Hi! 143 00:06:40,226 --> 00:06:41,981 Hello. How's it going? 144 00:06:42,044 --> 00:06:43,448 Could not be better. 145 00:06:43,511 --> 00:06:47,636 Barney has been raving about his lessons, says he's learned loads of useful stuff. 146 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,771 Has he? I'm so pleased to hear that. 147 00:06:49,834 --> 00:06:51,967 As am I, as his pedagogue. 148 00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:55,335 And I'm pretty confident he's going to hand in a corker of an essay. 149 00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:56,733 That is such a relief. 150 00:06:56,796 --> 00:06:58,844 I was beginning to think he was just a lazy oik 151 00:06:58,906 --> 00:07:02,115 whose only interests were sleep and masturbation. 152 00:07:02,178 --> 00:07:03,841 No. No, far from it. 153 00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:07,394 Well, thank you, Marcus. Maybe I can take you for dinner. 154 00:07:07,457 --> 00:07:09,521 - How's Friday? - Don't mind if I do. 155 00:07:18,418 --> 00:07:20,732 Oi, wait your effing turn, lad. 156 00:07:20,795 --> 00:07:22,552 Piss off, bum face. 157 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,557 - Get out of it! - Yeah? Or what? 158 00:07:30,623 --> 00:07:32,019 Oh, geezer. 159 00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:33,362 Hey! Hey! 160 00:07:33,425 --> 00:07:34,630 Break it up! 161 00:07:34,693 --> 00:07:37,693 Break it up! You, come with me. 162 00:07:42,512 --> 00:07:44,707 - What's your name, son? - Grumio. 163 00:07:44,770 --> 00:07:46,737 Grumio, sir. 164 00:07:47,082 --> 00:07:48,859 What form are you in? 165 00:07:49,743 --> 00:07:50,986 Five B, sir. 166 00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:52,947 Five B? What, you're 13? 167 00:07:53,892 --> 00:07:55,526 Yeah. That's right, 13, sir. 168 00:07:55,589 --> 00:07:58,209 And I am sorry about smacking that lad, sir, but he did start it. 169 00:07:58,272 --> 00:07:59,597 - Don't be. - Huh? 170 00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:01,913 Never apologise for a right hook like that. 171 00:08:02,186 --> 00:08:05,068 Never seen such upper body strength in a lad your age. 172 00:08:05,131 --> 00:08:06,442 Oh, cheers, sir. 173 00:08:06,505 --> 00:08:09,292 Cards on the table. I want you, Grumio. 174 00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:11,021 I want you in the boxing team. 175 00:08:11,083 --> 00:08:12,864 A lad with your natural talent, 176 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:15,265 we could finally beat Esquiline High. 177 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,632 - No, ta, I don't really do sport. - Oh, really? 178 00:08:18,695 --> 00:08:20,489 Would you rather I march you home to your parents 179 00:08:20,551 --> 00:08:22,414 and tell them about this little punch-up? 180 00:08:22,922 --> 00:08:24,206 Not really, no, sir. 181 00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:25,707 That's what I thought. 182 00:08:25,770 --> 00:08:28,145 So, you'll report to training tomorrow lunch break. 183 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,166 - What? I'd rather not miss lunch. - Oh, you won't. 184 00:08:31,229 --> 00:08:33,936 I make sure the boxing team get double portions. 185 00:08:33,999 --> 00:08:35,241 Oh, right. 186 00:08:35,692 --> 00:08:36,898 Knockout. 187 00:08:37,156 --> 00:08:38,440 Good lad. 188 00:08:41,122 --> 00:08:45,045 Oh, my Jove, there she is. That's Sabrina. I can't breathe. 189 00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,325 All right, yeah, you weren't kidding, boy. 190 00:08:47,456 --> 00:08:49,332 - Come on, let's go talk to her. - Oh, how? 191 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:51,364 Only sixth formers are allowed out at lunch. 192 00:08:51,427 --> 00:08:54,136 I couldn't get anywhere near her. Damn this shitty gate! 193 00:08:54,199 --> 00:08:56,534 Alright, chill. Leave it with me. 194 00:08:56,597 --> 00:08:58,297 I'll go do some quality wing-manning, 195 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,437 - build up the Barney legend! - Okay. Thanks, Jason. 196 00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:02,913 You're the best! 197 00:09:04,855 --> 00:09:07,674 Hey. You girls go to Aventine High? 198 00:09:08,004 --> 00:09:09,344 Last time I checked. 199 00:09:09,407 --> 00:09:11,730 - Why? - Oh, you might know a mate of mine, Barney. 200 00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:15,037 Handsome, funny, sexually experienced? 201 00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:18,649 - Year below you, I think. - Why are you mates with a 15-year-old? 202 00:09:18,712 --> 00:09:20,433 - You're a grown-up. - Yeah, I know. 203 00:09:20,496 --> 00:09:22,409 His mum owns the laundrette next to my bar. 204 00:09:22,472 --> 00:09:24,074 You've got a bar? 205 00:09:25,186 --> 00:09:26,508 Yeah, it is a bit. 206 00:09:26,571 --> 00:09:29,595 When you're a grown-up, life's just like one big free period, so... 207 00:09:29,658 --> 00:09:32,296 Is it? Well, you should come hang out at the fountain. 208 00:09:32,359 --> 00:09:34,673 You can go halvesies on my packed lunch if you like. 209 00:09:34,736 --> 00:09:36,632 Could do. What you packin'? 210 00:09:36,695 --> 00:09:39,080 Cheese sandwich. And an apple. 211 00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:41,468 Old school. 212 00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,156 I'm just saying, I found it a bit hard to follow and stodgy. 213 00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:52,339 And I'm just saying, you're an idiot, so stick to choral odes maybe? 214 00:09:52,402 --> 00:09:55,240 Glass of red wine, please, bar man. Make it a large one. 215 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,087 Really? It's only four o'clock. 216 00:09:57,298 --> 00:09:59,234 Barney got his essay back. 217 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:02,138 Great. So, are we celebrating? 218 00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:04,539 Hardly. He got a D minus. 219 00:10:04,602 --> 00:10:07,002 - A what? A D? - Minus. 220 00:10:07,664 --> 00:10:13,042 Hate to say I told you so. 221 00:10:16,387 --> 00:10:19,127 Ajax, you sit this one out, I'm gonna give Grumio a go here. 222 00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:20,345 Up you get, son. 223 00:10:20,408 --> 00:10:23,853 Right, remember, footwork, keep your guard up, 224 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,172 - work the body. - Got it, coach. 225 00:10:33,313 --> 00:10:34,613 Fight! 226 00:10:46,635 --> 00:10:49,711 Well done, Grumio. That was incredible! 227 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:52,039 Cheers, I forgot to do the footwork and the guard stuff. 228 00:10:52,101 --> 00:10:53,446 Oh, don't worry about that. 229 00:10:53,509 --> 00:10:55,736 It's the punching them in the head that's the main thing. 230 00:10:55,798 --> 00:10:57,736 I might go and get that double lunch, if I may. 231 00:10:57,798 --> 00:11:00,070 - I'm feeling dead peckish after that. - You go for it, champ. 232 00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:01,593 You're a killer! 233 00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,736 "Littered with factual inaccuracies, 234 00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:08,425 "wild theories, and absurdly long sentences, 235 00:11:08,488 --> 00:11:12,061 "this essay is a fiasco from start to finish." 236 00:11:12,124 --> 00:11:13,350 I don't understand. 237 00:11:13,413 --> 00:11:16,810 - You read it, then? - Read it? I was all over it. 238 00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:19,273 The teacher has clearly got it in for him. 239 00:11:19,336 --> 00:11:22,581 I tried talking to Barney about it, but he's in some teenage funk. 240 00:11:22,644 --> 00:11:24,590 Farting's the only noise I can get out of him. 241 00:11:24,653 --> 00:11:28,485 - Well, he's probably upset. - He is! Devastated. But not about this. 242 00:11:28,548 --> 00:11:31,238 The girl he fancies has some suave new boyfriend, 243 00:11:31,301 --> 00:11:33,634 so obviously that is the end of the world. 244 00:11:33,697 --> 00:11:36,232 I'll get the gory details about this essay shit storm 245 00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:38,576 at parents' evening and report back. 246 00:11:38,638 --> 00:11:41,589 Or maybe I can come too? 247 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:45,319 Really? I don't think we're quite at the co-parenting stage yet. 248 00:11:45,382 --> 00:11:47,419 No, no, I know we're not. Far from it. 249 00:11:47,482 --> 00:11:49,460 But for moral support, huh? 250 00:11:50,116 --> 00:11:52,242 And I'd quite like to meet this... 251 00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:55,109 Miss Marula, as it goes. 252 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,320 The whole education system must be totally fucked! 253 00:12:01,382 --> 00:12:04,759 If a cretin like that can become a teacher, they may as well ask you to work there. 254 00:12:04,821 --> 00:12:06,781 Any chance of asking him to work here instead? 255 00:12:06,843 --> 00:12:08,753 - I'm rushed off my feet. - Yeah, what's going on? 256 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,388 - Why have we got customers? - They're all mates of Sabrina, 257 00:12:11,450 --> 00:12:12,673 so you're welcome. 258 00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:14,648 Sabrina? As in Barney's Sabrina? 259 00:12:15,088 --> 00:12:17,642 - Well, she's more like my Sabrina now. - What, you? 260 00:12:17,705 --> 00:12:19,803 You're the suave new boyfriend? 261 00:12:19,866 --> 00:12:22,045 We're not going steads, but yeah, sounds like me. 262 00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:23,621 Isn't she about 16? 263 00:12:23,684 --> 00:12:26,567 What?! No! Eff off. She's 17. 264 00:12:26,630 --> 00:12:28,520 - Very nearly 17. - So she is 16? 265 00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:30,023 She is, yeah, technically. 266 00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:33,225 - Looks like you're the paedo these days, boy. - Oh, as if! 267 00:12:33,288 --> 00:12:36,788 She's extremely mature for her age. She likes olives, for example. 268 00:12:36,851 --> 00:12:38,824 Here, I'll introduce you. Sabrina? 269 00:12:38,887 --> 00:12:41,711 Sabby, babes, come and meet my mates, and Aurelius. 270 00:12:41,774 --> 00:12:44,875 All right, Jason's mates? Sick bar. 271 00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:47,320 No way! My dad's got that tunic. 272 00:12:47,382 --> 00:12:49,939 Well, then, your dad must be one cool dude. 273 00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,620 No, he's a fat solicitor. 274 00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:53,464 - Is he? - Any chance of a top-up, babe? 275 00:12:53,527 --> 00:12:56,322 Yeah, sure thing, babe. Pop some more wine in that, will you, Aurelius? 276 00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:58,611 Hang on, wine? She can't have wine! 277 00:12:58,674 --> 00:13:00,676 Oh, relax, Grandma, it's fine. 278 00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,685 No, it isn't! She is a child! 279 00:13:02,726 --> 00:13:04,664 If we get caught, we'll lose our licence. 280 00:13:04,747 --> 00:13:06,039 She can have milk. 281 00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:09,192 - Milk? I'm not a fucking baby. - Well, you're not far off. 282 00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,461 - Are the rest of them on wine? - Just a bit. 283 00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:14,036 Right, get 'em out, Aurelius, now. 284 00:13:14,099 --> 00:13:16,398 - Yes, sir. - Oh, no, come on! 285 00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:19,893 All under 18s out. Immediately! Come on. 286 00:13:20,083 --> 00:13:21,739 Where am I supposed to take her now? 287 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,766 I don't know. Maybe try the sand pit. 288 00:13:23,852 --> 00:13:26,372 This is well harsh. How come the boxing kid gets to stay? 289 00:13:26,435 --> 00:13:28,283 He's only in Year Five! 290 00:13:30,630 --> 00:13:32,830 Kids say the funniest things. 291 00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:38,493 Sabs! 292 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,005 Sabby, babe, wait. 293 00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:42,289 - You said your mates were cool. - Yeah, sorry. 294 00:13:42,352 --> 00:13:45,663 I didn't know they were gonna be such geeks about the whole law thing. 295 00:13:45,726 --> 00:13:48,932 - We could go shops, maybe get some sweets? - No. I should go home. 296 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,841 - I've got a chemistry test in the morning. - Very sensible. 297 00:13:51,904 --> 00:13:55,153 Okay, you get swotting and then we'll do something proper exciting 298 00:13:55,216 --> 00:13:57,086 and grown-up tomorrow, yeah? 299 00:13:57,934 --> 00:13:59,207 Traitor! 300 00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:01,634 Eh, Barno! What you doing here? 301 00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:03,039 I live here. 302 00:14:03,102 --> 00:14:05,710 What are you doing, more like? Cuddling Sabrina? 303 00:14:05,773 --> 00:14:07,685 - You're meant to be my wing man. - I know! 304 00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,482 - I am. Sort of. - Who's the kid, Jase? 305 00:14:11,112 --> 00:14:15,095 She doesn't even know who I am! I mean, that is terrible wing-manning. 306 00:14:15,181 --> 00:14:19,334 This is Barney. I did mention him briefly a while back. 307 00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:21,181 Look, Barn, you were right. 308 00:14:21,244 --> 00:14:24,420 She is perfect and therefore unperfect for you. 309 00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:27,685 She needs someone mature and suave who's gonna show her a good time. 310 00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:29,525 And you're way too short for me. 311 00:14:29,587 --> 00:14:31,937 I cannot wing man you any taller. 312 00:14:32,273 --> 00:14:33,613 I thought you were helping me. 313 00:14:33,676 --> 00:14:36,996 I am! Hey, coping with knock-backs, that's part of the tuition. 314 00:14:39,188 --> 00:14:41,747 Cope a bit better if you can. 315 00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:44,753 I never meant for this to happen. 316 00:14:44,816 --> 00:14:47,203 One minute I'm at the school gates, delivering some books, 317 00:14:47,265 --> 00:14:50,359 the next minute I'm in the sports hall, smacking the shit out of some kid. 318 00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,614 Okay, I think you've skipped out a fair few minutes there. 319 00:14:52,676 --> 00:14:55,685 Look, all you need to know is I've found my specialist subject. 320 00:14:55,747 --> 00:14:58,914 Boxing. Specifically, under-14 level. 321 00:15:00,141 --> 00:15:02,365 That is way worse than what I'm doing, to be fair. 322 00:15:02,427 --> 00:15:05,258 Well, neither of you have exactly covered yourselves in glory. 323 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,116 You can talk. You got a D minus. 324 00:15:07,179 --> 00:15:09,400 Oh, that was a mistake. I'm getting that fixed. 325 00:15:09,525 --> 00:15:12,411 Grumio, I cannot believe I have to tell you this, 326 00:15:12,474 --> 00:15:16,553 - but you need to stop punching children. - No. I won't. 327 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,016 We've got a crunch match against Esquiline High this week, 328 00:15:19,078 --> 00:15:21,445 and I'm gonna be absolutely smothered in glory. 329 00:15:23,318 --> 00:15:25,449 And there is such a thing as a free lunch, by the way, 330 00:15:25,511 --> 00:15:27,601 and your lad's on double portions. 331 00:16:05,575 --> 00:16:08,828 I am a little concerned about Barnabas's progress. 332 00:16:08,891 --> 00:16:11,365 While his latest essay was much more... 333 00:16:11,427 --> 00:16:13,449 well, dense than usual, 334 00:16:13,512 --> 00:16:16,301 it also exhibited a certain arrogance. 335 00:16:16,364 --> 00:16:18,229 I would never describe Barney as arrogant. 336 00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:20,381 - Well, no, neither would I. - Because he's not! 337 00:16:20,444 --> 00:16:22,973 And nor was his essay. Provocative? Sure. 338 00:16:23,036 --> 00:16:24,256 Original? Certainly. 339 00:16:24,319 --> 00:16:25,858 Arrogant? No way. 340 00:16:25,921 --> 00:16:28,230 Marcus has been helping Barney with history. 341 00:16:28,292 --> 00:16:29,973 Well, trying to, anyway. 342 00:16:30,036 --> 00:16:32,230 Let me give you an example. 343 00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,567 Yeah, so, "While most historians assert 344 00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:36,889 "that the Roman army defeated Carthage, 345 00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:39,408 "I propose that the very opposite is true." 346 00:16:39,611 --> 00:16:40,894 What a fresh perspective. 347 00:16:40,957 --> 00:16:43,230 Yeah, fresh, as in completely idiotic. 348 00:16:43,292 --> 00:16:45,489 It's like he never even opened the text book. 349 00:16:45,552 --> 00:16:48,468 How else could he have come up with such a daring argument? 350 00:16:48,531 --> 00:16:50,562 And maybe he's right! Maybe Carthage did win. 351 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,162 The City of Carthage was completely destroyed. 352 00:16:53,365 --> 00:16:56,556 Including the slums and open sewers, which needed replacing, anyway. 353 00:16:56,619 --> 00:16:58,354 Their entire population was enslaved. 354 00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:01,295 And transported to Rome for free, which was kind of a win for them. 355 00:17:01,357 --> 00:17:03,497 - It's genuinely quite offensive. - Which is too much 356 00:17:03,559 --> 00:17:06,723 for a blinkered, jobsworth div to appreciate. D minus is a joke! 357 00:17:06,786 --> 00:17:09,935 I should have at least got a B! He should have at least got a B. 358 00:17:10,506 --> 00:17:11,730 Barney. 359 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,283 It's fresh. 360 00:17:14,292 --> 00:17:16,521 - You wrote it, didn't you? - I did, sorry. 361 00:17:17,456 --> 00:17:22,229 Is there any chance Barney could do it again, on his own this time? 362 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,970 Yes, of course, but we do take cheating very seriously, 363 00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:27,343 so I'm afraid he will receive a punishment. 364 00:17:28,292 --> 00:17:29,824 I'll bin this one, shall I? 365 00:17:29,887 --> 00:17:31,541 Oh, well... 366 00:17:33,122 --> 00:17:35,230 It's not like we can get into any bars, can we? 367 00:17:35,292 --> 00:17:37,311 We could go to a posh restaurant or something. 368 00:17:38,111 --> 00:17:41,540 - That'll be well expensive, though. - Or go for a ride in your chariot? 369 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:44,231 Sure, if I had a chariot. Which I don't. 370 00:17:44,776 --> 00:17:46,910 Oh, come on, it's not that bad. 371 00:17:46,973 --> 00:17:48,735 The playground's a bit of retro fun. 372 00:17:48,798 --> 00:17:51,230 It's not retro for me, I only just stopped coming here, 373 00:17:51,292 --> 00:17:53,195 and you said you'd show me a good time. 374 00:17:54,292 --> 00:17:56,624 And I will. Strap in, sweetheart, 375 00:17:56,687 --> 00:17:58,820 cos you're about to go higher than you've ever gone! 376 00:17:58,882 --> 00:18:00,171 Jase, be careful! 377 00:18:00,234 --> 00:18:02,853 Oh, see this is the benefit of going out with a grown-up. 378 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,125 I can push much harder than the boys your age! 379 00:18:06,057 --> 00:18:07,296 Let's do a loop the loop! 380 00:18:11,938 --> 00:18:13,270 That was fun. 381 00:18:14,304 --> 00:18:15,507 Right? 382 00:18:16,271 --> 00:18:18,382 I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have cheated like that. 383 00:18:18,444 --> 00:18:20,590 I'm not angry about the cheating, Marcus. 384 00:18:20,652 --> 00:18:22,694 I'm angry you got such a shit mark! 385 00:18:22,757 --> 00:18:24,231 At least cheat well! 386 00:18:24,261 --> 00:18:26,715 I thought history was meant to be your specialist subject. 387 00:18:26,777 --> 00:18:31,415 Now I think about it, I may have misremembered my history of learning history. 388 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,605 I'm better at science, if he needs help with that. 389 00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:35,270 God, no! Keep away. 390 00:18:35,332 --> 00:18:38,725 If he struggles from now on, I am shelling out for a proper pedagogue. 391 00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:41,573 Fair enough. So, are we still on for dinner? 392 00:18:41,744 --> 00:18:45,834 Wouldn't have thought so. You are going to be busy this evening. 393 00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:51,135 Right, this is the big one. 394 00:18:51,439 --> 00:18:52,743 Esquiline High. 395 00:18:52,806 --> 00:18:56,418 I've not won a fight against these in all my 25 years of coaching, 396 00:18:56,481 --> 00:18:57,895 and I'll tell you honestly, 397 00:18:57,958 --> 00:19:00,896 I will love it if we beat them. Love it! 398 00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:04,249 Okay, cos I were thinking, maybe Ajax could fight instead. 399 00:19:04,312 --> 00:19:06,414 You what? That scrawny little pecker? 400 00:19:06,477 --> 00:19:08,906 - You're a killer. - There is a reason for that, coach. 401 00:19:08,969 --> 00:19:11,712 Yeah, cos you're the real deal. A boxing natural. 402 00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,488 And cos I'm a 29-year-old man. 403 00:19:13,604 --> 00:19:15,229 I'm not even meant to be in school. 404 00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:18,351 I got mistaken for a kid and I kept coming back for the lunches. 405 00:19:21,487 --> 00:19:24,440 I've heard what you've got to say, I really have, but the thing is, 406 00:19:24,503 --> 00:19:27,552 this is my only chance to beat these bastards, 407 00:19:27,615 --> 00:19:29,321 so pretend that I haven't. 408 00:19:32,093 --> 00:19:33,327 Fair dos. 409 00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:35,980 All right then, son, let's get it over with. 410 00:19:37,498 --> 00:19:38,967 Bloody hell. 411 00:19:39,385 --> 00:19:40,624 Fight! 412 00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,230 Claudius! Claudius! 413 00:19:55,134 --> 00:19:58,697 - Are you sure we're in the right bit? - Yeah, this is paediatrics. 414 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,858 - Paedo-what-now? - The bit for kids. 415 00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:03,156 Right, yeah. 416 00:20:04,024 --> 00:20:06,124 Fell out of a tree, my one. 417 00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:08,230 Oh, right. 418 00:20:10,135 --> 00:20:11,686 How about yours? 419 00:20:11,924 --> 00:20:14,231 Oh, uh... Yeah, similar. Fell out a swing. 420 00:20:14,352 --> 00:20:16,579 I didn't fall, you pushed me. 421 00:20:16,642 --> 00:20:18,350 Well, bit of both, maybe. 422 00:20:18,944 --> 00:20:20,788 Well, I'm sure your daddy didn't mean to. 423 00:20:20,851 --> 00:20:23,113 You what? He's not my daddy. 424 00:20:23,176 --> 00:20:24,838 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought... 425 00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:27,499 - Are you the teacher, then, or... - Boyfriend, yeah. 426 00:20:33,492 --> 00:20:35,991 - Listen, Sabs, babes, we need to talk. - You're dumped. 427 00:20:36,474 --> 00:20:37,746 What? No, I was about to... 428 00:20:37,809 --> 00:20:40,524 I thought dating an older guy would be glamorous and stuff, 429 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,230 but it's actually pretty lame. 430 00:20:42,292 --> 00:20:45,539 - One, it's not, and two, I was dumping you. - Too late, I dumped you first. 431 00:20:45,601 --> 00:20:47,559 - I'd already started the dumping process. - You didn't finish it. 432 00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,336 - It still counts. - It doesn't matter, Jason. Grow up! 433 00:20:57,954 --> 00:21:00,118 Grumio? What happened to you? 434 00:21:00,181 --> 00:21:02,593 Got my head kicked in by a 13-year-old, didn't I? 435 00:21:02,656 --> 00:21:04,594 Kids today are proper vicious. 436 00:21:05,292 --> 00:21:06,594 Tell me about it. 437 00:21:09,332 --> 00:21:11,404 Lines? That's pretty old school. 438 00:21:11,467 --> 00:21:13,618 I know! That teacher's a total prick. 439 00:21:13,681 --> 00:21:16,897 I've gotta write, "I will not ask other people to do my homework," 440 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,160 1,000 times. 441 00:21:19,876 --> 00:21:22,947 Actually, isn't calligraphy one of your specialist subjects? 442 00:21:23,010 --> 00:21:25,230 It is, indeed. I have a beautiful cursive hand. 443 00:21:25,292 --> 00:21:27,488 Well, I would love to see it in action... 444 00:21:27,559 --> 00:21:30,036 about 993 times? 445 00:21:31,122 --> 00:21:34,828 That goes completely against the spirit of the punishment, you realise? 446 00:21:36,998 --> 00:21:38,965 That is beautiful. 447 00:21:41,519 --> 00:21:46,119 Sync and corrections: minouhse www.addic7ed.com 36054

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