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1
00:00:00,273 --> 00:00:02,211
So, the final scores are in
2
00:00:02,273 --> 00:00:05,382
and I can reveal that in
second place with 70 points,
3
00:00:05,445 --> 00:00:06,684
I'm Smartacus!
4
00:00:08,707 --> 00:00:10,051
So, in joint first place,
5
00:00:10,113 --> 00:00:12,611
with 75 points and a chance to win the ham,
6
00:00:12,674 --> 00:00:17,210
we have a tie between Angela's
Team and We Own The Bloody Bar.
7
00:00:17,389 --> 00:00:21,290
Which can mean only one thing, everybody,
it's a sudden-death tiebreaker!
8
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,668
It's a geography question.
Here goes.
9
00:00:23,746 --> 00:00:28,211
What is the capital of Britannia?
10
00:00:28,273 --> 00:00:30,721
We Own The Bloody Bar,
I'll take your answer first.
11
00:00:30,784 --> 00:00:32,338
It's Londinium.
12
00:00:32,401 --> 00:00:34,211
Right, cos I think it's Camulodunum.
13
00:00:34,273 --> 00:00:36,211
Okay, well, I know it's Londinium.
14
00:00:36,273 --> 00:00:37,891
Well, what do you two think?
15
00:00:37,953 --> 00:00:40,587
- I can only think about ham.
- I'm gonna have to hurry you.
16
00:00:40,650 --> 00:00:43,552
Okay, right, I think we go with Marcus.
It's the sort of saddo shit he knows.
17
00:00:43,614 --> 00:00:45,667
Thank you. It is.
I am excellent at geography.
18
00:00:45,737 --> 00:00:48,976
- Fine! Go on then, saddo.
- Londinium. It's Londinium.
19
00:00:49,039 --> 00:00:52,137
- Angela's Team?
- We think it's Camulodunum.
20
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,459
And the capital of Britannia is...
21
00:00:54,757 --> 00:00:55,980
Camulodunum!
22
00:00:56,043 --> 00:00:58,370
Angela's Team, you've won the ham!
23
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,300
Well played, well played.
24
00:01:00,568 --> 00:01:03,313
I'm keeping it! Get off!
We own the bloody bar!
25
00:01:04,055 --> 00:01:08,655
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
26
00:01:23,802 --> 00:01:26,607
- Hello, Gloria.
- Oh, you made it.
27
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:30,740
Surprised you found your way across town,
what with your piss-poor grasp of geography.
28
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:35,181
Still on that, are we? How about we move on?
Try and find our way to dinner later?
29
00:01:35,244 --> 00:01:37,740
Can't, I'm afraid.
I'm having a wild night in with Barney
30
00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:39,740
and his essay on the Second Punic War.
31
00:01:39,802 --> 00:01:41,879
Is that not something he can handle himself?
32
00:01:41,942 --> 00:01:44,405
Handling himself is the only thing
he can do these days.
33
00:01:44,468 --> 00:01:47,491
He's in some stinky, sticky phase,
where all he thinks about is sex.
34
00:01:47,911 --> 00:01:50,057
Not sure that's a phase, exactly.
35
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,125
Forgot his schoolbooks, too, the dozy sod.
36
00:01:52,188 --> 00:01:54,456
I'd get in a pedagogue
to tutor him if I had the cash.
37
00:01:54,518 --> 00:01:57,474
- I know even less about this stuff than him.
- Why don't I tutor him?
38
00:01:57,536 --> 00:01:59,859
I guess because last night
proved you know even less than me?
39
00:01:59,906 --> 00:02:01,684
No, that was different.
That was geography.
40
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,902
This is history.
AKA my specialist subject.
41
00:02:04,965 --> 00:02:06,324
Especially the Punic Wars.
42
00:02:06,386 --> 00:02:08,609
And extra-specially, the second one.
43
00:02:08,672 --> 00:02:12,528
Well, that would be very helpful, actually.
44
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,592
- You don't expect me to pay for this, do you?
- Nah, course not.
45
00:02:15,655 --> 00:02:17,324
Not in money, anyway.
46
00:02:17,386 --> 00:02:19,800
- It's really not a phase, is it?
- Afraid not.
47
00:02:19,863 --> 00:02:22,006
I'll make sure he gets
his schoolbooks as well.
48
00:02:22,069 --> 00:02:24,061
- You sure?
- All part of the service, madam.
49
00:02:26,658 --> 00:02:29,946
Hang on, Gloria wants you to be
a paedo for her son?
50
00:02:30,009 --> 00:02:32,728
Pedagogue!
Not paedo. As in tutor.
51
00:02:32,791 --> 00:02:34,634
- I'm a pedo, if anything.
- Right.
52
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:36,663
Sorry, language was never
my specialist subject.
53
00:02:36,725 --> 00:02:38,324
No shit!
Do you even have one?
54
00:02:38,386 --> 00:02:39,633
Er, yes!
55
00:02:39,696 --> 00:02:41,539
It was, er...
Not maths.
56
00:02:41,602 --> 00:02:43,237
All right, what's yours, dick breath?
57
00:02:43,299 --> 00:02:45,324
- Apart from being bullied?
- Well, where do I start?
58
00:02:45,386 --> 00:02:47,937
Woodland dance.
Calligraphy. Choral odes.
59
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,018
- Choral odes?!
- Big time, baby.
60
00:02:50,081 --> 00:02:52,769
You're looking at the primo soprano
at my school's soprano choir.
61
00:02:52,831 --> 00:02:55,696
- Soprano? Isn't that a girl's part?
- Traditionally, yes.
62
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:59,014
But thankfully, my balls remained
high and hard until I was 18.
63
00:02:59,084 --> 00:03:02,291
- So you were bullied, then?
- Well, yes, obviously a bit.
64
00:03:02,588 --> 00:03:05,032
Mainly by the girl whose solos I'd stolen.
65
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,574
What about you, G-Dog?
What was your specialist subject?
66
00:03:08,183 --> 00:03:09,394
Probably lunch.
67
00:03:09,629 --> 00:03:11,417
- Not a subject.
- Course it is.
68
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:14,698
Every meal is a test
and I have a 100% pass rate.
69
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,611
Yeah, well, not any more, you don't.
70
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:20,254
- Hey, what you doing? I were acing that.
- Go take Barney his school books.
71
00:03:20,317 --> 00:03:22,293
There is no such thing as a free lunch.
72
00:03:22,356 --> 00:03:26,159
Alright, keep your dick on.
I must have a specialist subject.
73
00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:27,433
Maybe it's fashion.
74
00:03:27,496 --> 00:03:31,943
Don't think it is, mate.
75
00:03:42,904 --> 00:03:44,169
Barney!
76
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,513
Excuse me.
77
00:03:46,906 --> 00:03:50,324
- Has anyone seen Barney?
- Hey, you, what are you doing out there?
78
00:03:50,386 --> 00:03:52,658
Oh, soz.
I'm just looking for Barney.
79
00:03:52,721 --> 00:03:54,001
Are you a sixth former?
80
00:03:54,064 --> 00:03:55,607
What?
No.
81
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:58,252
Then you're not allowed
outside the gates at breaktime.
82
00:03:58,315 --> 00:03:59,924
Come on, in you come.
83
00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:02,649
Have you had your lunch yet?
84
00:04:02,712 --> 00:04:03,995
Not completely.
85
00:04:04,058 --> 00:04:07,496
They stop serving in 20 minutes, so if you
want something to eat, you better hurry up.
86
00:04:07,558 --> 00:04:09,358
Right.
Yeah.
87
00:04:09,906 --> 00:04:11,890
- I better had, hadn't I?
- Yes.
88
00:04:14,972 --> 00:04:17,415
- Come on, chop chop.
- Ooh, yeah.
89
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:28,411
By what means did Rome achieve
victory in the Second Punic War?
90
00:04:28,474 --> 00:04:30,911
So, the thing to do here
is break the question down.
91
00:04:30,974 --> 00:04:34,100
What does 'by' mean?
What does 'means' mean?
92
00:04:34,163 --> 00:04:36,030
What does 'Rome' mean?
93
00:04:36,093 --> 00:04:37,648
The city we live in?
94
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,280
No, I know.
Sure.
95
00:04:39,386 --> 00:04:40,943
But what does 'victory' mean?
96
00:04:41,006 --> 00:04:42,465
Was it a victory, in fact?
97
00:04:42,528 --> 00:04:44,879
Isn't that the question behind the question?
98
00:04:44,942 --> 00:04:47,689
- It says how we won in the text book.
- Forget the text book.
99
00:04:47,752 --> 00:04:49,891
We don't need it. You got me.
I am the text book.
100
00:04:49,954 --> 00:04:51,324
So, let's jot down the ways
101
00:04:51,386 --> 00:04:55,130
in which the Second Punic
War was in fact a defeat.
102
00:04:56,778 --> 00:04:58,073
Are you doing that,
103
00:04:58,136 --> 00:05:00,673
or are you just writing the word 'Sabrina'?
104
00:05:00,736 --> 00:05:02,190
Yeah, um...
Sorry.
105
00:05:02,253 --> 00:05:03,902
Ooh, hello.
106
00:05:03,965 --> 00:05:05,742
Who's Sabrina, then?
107
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,246
It's a girl in the year above.
108
00:05:07,309 --> 00:05:09,324
- Keep talking.
- Or maybe don't, in fact?
109
00:05:09,386 --> 00:05:10,767
Oh, she's well fit, trust me.
110
00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:13,780
- Everything about her's perfect.
- Sweet. She your girlfriend, then?
111
00:05:13,842 --> 00:05:16,661
No. Are you joking?
She doesn't even know I exist.
112
00:05:16,724 --> 00:05:17,743
I'm nothing to her.
113
00:05:17,806 --> 00:05:20,854
Just like the Roman army was
nothing to the might of Carthage.
114
00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:23,627
So let her know you're something, brother.
Get inside her head.
115
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:26,159
She's in the year above.
I can't even get inside her classroom.
116
00:05:26,221 --> 00:05:29,070
So build up your street cred.
Get people talking about you.
117
00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:31,079
Lay some traps then reel her in.
118
00:05:31,142 --> 00:05:33,918
Just like Hannibal trapped the
Roman army in the battle of Cannae.
119
00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:36,866
Stop making everything about history.
Your man's bored shitless.
120
00:05:36,929 --> 00:05:38,310
But it is about history.
121
00:05:38,373 --> 00:05:42,008
That's literally what we're doing here,
and Barney will learn to enjoy it.
122
00:05:42,071 --> 00:05:43,595
I don't think I will, actually.
123
00:05:44,071 --> 00:05:46,907
- I sort of want more tutoring from him.
- Oh, my Jove.
124
00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:49,459
That's my specialist subject.
It's chirpsin'.
125
00:05:49,522 --> 00:05:52,985
Which will come in really handy when he's
writing an essay on the Second Punic War.
126
00:05:53,047 --> 00:05:55,621
Why don't you just write
it and then he can copy you?
127
00:05:55,684 --> 00:05:57,186
- Because that's cheating.
- So?
128
00:05:57,249 --> 00:06:00,464
You'll keep banging on at him until he
writes exactly what you want, anyway.
129
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,423
I'd much prefer it, to be honest.
130
00:06:02,486 --> 00:06:04,134
I bet you would.
Your mum may not, though.
131
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,926
I won't say anything if you won't.
132
00:06:07,257 --> 00:06:09,577
- All right, then.
- Follow me, Barno.
133
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:13,639
I'm gonna teach you
my trademark sexy lip bite.
134
00:06:16,762 --> 00:06:19,004
It's intelligent, yet readable.
135
00:06:19,066 --> 00:06:21,141
Provocative, but not glib.
136
00:06:21,204 --> 00:06:23,896
It's up there with some of my best work.
In fact,
137
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:26,380
- let me just read it to you.
- Oh, yeah, great, I'd love that.
138
00:06:26,443 --> 00:06:29,236
As would I, of course, but sadly,
I'm off out for a walk.
139
00:06:29,299 --> 00:06:31,324
A walk?
Since when do you walk?
140
00:06:31,386 --> 00:06:34,906
I'm a life-long walker, sunshine,
except for my first year or so.
141
00:06:35,891 --> 00:06:38,008
- Gloria.
- Morning, boys.
142
00:06:38,262 --> 00:06:40,164
Gloria!
Hi!
143
00:06:40,226 --> 00:06:41,981
Hello.
How's it going?
144
00:06:42,044 --> 00:06:43,448
Could not be better.
145
00:06:43,511 --> 00:06:47,636
Barney has been raving about his lessons,
says he's learned loads of useful stuff.
146
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,771
Has he?
I'm so pleased to hear that.
147
00:06:49,834 --> 00:06:51,967
As am I, as his pedagogue.
148
00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:55,335
And I'm pretty confident he's going
to hand in a corker of an essay.
149
00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:56,733
That is such a relief.
150
00:06:56,796 --> 00:06:58,844
I was beginning to think
he was just a lazy oik
151
00:06:58,906 --> 00:07:02,115
whose only interests were
sleep and masturbation.
152
00:07:02,178 --> 00:07:03,841
No.
No, far from it.
153
00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:07,394
Well, thank you, Marcus.
Maybe I can take you for dinner.
154
00:07:07,457 --> 00:07:09,521
- How's Friday?
- Don't mind if I do.
155
00:07:18,418 --> 00:07:20,732
Oi, wait your effing turn, lad.
156
00:07:20,795 --> 00:07:22,552
Piss off, bum face.
157
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,557
- Get out of it!
- Yeah? Or what?
158
00:07:30,623 --> 00:07:32,019
Oh, geezer.
159
00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:33,362
Hey!
Hey!
160
00:07:33,425 --> 00:07:34,630
Break it up!
161
00:07:34,693 --> 00:07:37,693
Break it up!
You, come with me.
162
00:07:42,512 --> 00:07:44,707
- What's your name, son?
- Grumio.
163
00:07:44,770 --> 00:07:46,737
Grumio, sir.
164
00:07:47,082 --> 00:07:48,859
What form are you in?
165
00:07:49,743 --> 00:07:50,986
Five B, sir.
166
00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:52,947
Five B?
What, you're 13?
167
00:07:53,892 --> 00:07:55,526
Yeah.
That's right, 13, sir.
168
00:07:55,589 --> 00:07:58,209
And I am sorry about smacking
that lad, sir, but he did start it.
169
00:07:58,272 --> 00:07:59,597
- Don't be.
- Huh?
170
00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:01,913
Never apologise for a right hook like that.
171
00:08:02,186 --> 00:08:05,068
Never seen such upper body strength
in a lad your age.
172
00:08:05,131 --> 00:08:06,442
Oh, cheers, sir.
173
00:08:06,505 --> 00:08:09,292
Cards on the table.
I want you, Grumio.
174
00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:11,021
I want you in the boxing team.
175
00:08:11,083 --> 00:08:12,864
A lad with your natural talent,
176
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:15,265
we could finally beat Esquiline High.
177
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,632
- No, ta, I don't really do sport.
- Oh, really?
178
00:08:18,695 --> 00:08:20,489
Would you rather I march
you home to your parents
179
00:08:20,551 --> 00:08:22,414
and tell them about this little punch-up?
180
00:08:22,922 --> 00:08:24,206
Not really, no, sir.
181
00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:25,707
That's what I thought.
182
00:08:25,770 --> 00:08:28,145
So, you'll report to
training tomorrow lunch break.
183
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,166
- What? I'd rather not miss lunch.
- Oh, you won't.
184
00:08:31,229 --> 00:08:33,936
I make sure the boxing
team get double portions.
185
00:08:33,999 --> 00:08:35,241
Oh, right.
186
00:08:35,692 --> 00:08:36,898
Knockout.
187
00:08:37,156 --> 00:08:38,440
Good lad.
188
00:08:41,122 --> 00:08:45,045
Oh, my Jove, there she is. That's Sabrina.
I can't breathe.
189
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,325
All right, yeah, you weren't kidding, boy.
190
00:08:47,456 --> 00:08:49,332
- Come on, let's go talk to her.
- Oh, how?
191
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:51,364
Only sixth formers are allowed out at lunch.
192
00:08:51,427 --> 00:08:54,136
I couldn't get anywhere near her.
Damn this shitty gate!
193
00:08:54,199 --> 00:08:56,534
Alright, chill.
Leave it with me.
194
00:08:56,597 --> 00:08:58,297
I'll go do some quality wing-manning,
195
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,437
- build up the Barney legend!
- Okay. Thanks, Jason.
196
00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:02,913
You're the best!
197
00:09:04,855 --> 00:09:07,674
Hey.
You girls go to Aventine High?
198
00:09:08,004 --> 00:09:09,344
Last time I checked.
199
00:09:09,407 --> 00:09:11,730
- Why?
- Oh, you might know a mate of mine, Barney.
200
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:15,037
Handsome, funny, sexually experienced?
201
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:18,649
- Year below you, I think.
- Why are you mates with a 15-year-old?
202
00:09:18,712 --> 00:09:20,433
- You're a grown-up.
- Yeah, I know.
203
00:09:20,496 --> 00:09:22,409
His mum owns the laundrette next to my bar.
204
00:09:22,472 --> 00:09:24,074
You've got a bar?
205
00:09:25,186 --> 00:09:26,508
Yeah, it is a bit.
206
00:09:26,571 --> 00:09:29,595
When you're a grown-up,
life's just like one big free period, so...
207
00:09:29,658 --> 00:09:32,296
Is it? Well, you should come
hang out at the fountain.
208
00:09:32,359 --> 00:09:34,673
You can go halvesies on my
packed lunch if you like.
209
00:09:34,736 --> 00:09:36,632
Could do.
What you packin'?
210
00:09:36,695 --> 00:09:39,080
Cheese sandwich.
And an apple.
211
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:41,468
Old school.
212
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,156
I'm just saying, I found it a
bit hard to follow and stodgy.
213
00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:52,339
And I'm just saying, you're an idiot,
so stick to choral odes maybe?
214
00:09:52,402 --> 00:09:55,240
Glass of red wine, please, bar man.
Make it a large one.
215
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,087
Really?
It's only four o'clock.
216
00:09:57,298 --> 00:09:59,234
Barney got his essay back.
217
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:02,138
Great.
So, are we celebrating?
218
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:04,539
Hardly.
He got a D minus.
219
00:10:04,602 --> 00:10:07,002
- A what? A D?
- Minus.
220
00:10:07,664 --> 00:10:13,042
Hate to say I told you so.
221
00:10:16,387 --> 00:10:19,127
Ajax, you sit this one out,
I'm gonna give Grumio a go here.
222
00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:20,345
Up you get, son.
223
00:10:20,408 --> 00:10:23,853
Right, remember, footwork,
keep your guard up,
224
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,172
- work the body.
- Got it, coach.
225
00:10:33,313 --> 00:10:34,613
Fight!
226
00:10:46,635 --> 00:10:49,711
Well done, Grumio.
That was incredible!
227
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:52,039
Cheers, I forgot to do the
footwork and the guard stuff.
228
00:10:52,101 --> 00:10:53,446
Oh, don't worry about that.
229
00:10:53,509 --> 00:10:55,736
It's the punching them in the
head that's the main thing.
230
00:10:55,798 --> 00:10:57,736
I might go and get that
double lunch, if I may.
231
00:10:57,798 --> 00:11:00,070
- I'm feeling dead peckish after that.
- You go for it, champ.
232
00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:01,593
You're a killer!
233
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,736
"Littered with factual inaccuracies,
234
00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:08,425
"wild theories, and absurdly long sentences,
235
00:11:08,488 --> 00:11:12,061
"this essay is a fiasco
from start to finish."
236
00:11:12,124 --> 00:11:13,350
I don't understand.
237
00:11:13,413 --> 00:11:16,810
- You read it, then?
- Read it? I was all over it.
238
00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:19,273
The teacher has clearly got it in for him.
239
00:11:19,336 --> 00:11:22,581
I tried talking to Barney about it,
but he's in some teenage funk.
240
00:11:22,644 --> 00:11:24,590
Farting's the only noise
I can get out of him.
241
00:11:24,653 --> 00:11:28,485
- Well, he's probably upset.
- He is! Devastated. But not about this.
242
00:11:28,548 --> 00:11:31,238
The girl he fancies has
some suave new boyfriend,
243
00:11:31,301 --> 00:11:33,634
so obviously that is the end of the world.
244
00:11:33,697 --> 00:11:36,232
I'll get the gory details
about this essay shit storm
245
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:38,576
at parents' evening and report back.
246
00:11:38,638 --> 00:11:41,589
Or maybe I can come too?
247
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:45,319
Really? I don't think we're quite
at the co-parenting stage yet.
248
00:11:45,382 --> 00:11:47,419
No, no, I know we're not.
Far from it.
249
00:11:47,482 --> 00:11:49,460
But for moral support, huh?
250
00:11:50,116 --> 00:11:52,242
And I'd quite like to meet this...
251
00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:55,109
Miss Marula, as it goes.
252
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,320
The whole education system
must be totally fucked!
253
00:12:01,382 --> 00:12:04,759
If a cretin like that can become a teacher,
they may as well ask you to work there.
254
00:12:04,821 --> 00:12:06,781
Any chance of asking
him to work here instead?
255
00:12:06,843 --> 00:12:08,753
- I'm rushed off my feet.
- Yeah, what's going on?
256
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,388
- Why have we got customers?
- They're all mates of Sabrina,
257
00:12:11,450 --> 00:12:12,673
so you're welcome.
258
00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:14,648
Sabrina?
As in Barney's Sabrina?
259
00:12:15,088 --> 00:12:17,642
- Well, she's more like my Sabrina now.
- What, you?
260
00:12:17,705 --> 00:12:19,803
You're the suave new boyfriend?
261
00:12:19,866 --> 00:12:22,045
We're not going steads,
but yeah, sounds like me.
262
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:23,621
Isn't she about 16?
263
00:12:23,684 --> 00:12:26,567
What?! No! Eff off.
She's 17.
264
00:12:26,630 --> 00:12:28,520
- Very nearly 17.
- So she is 16?
265
00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:30,023
She is, yeah, technically.
266
00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:33,225
- Looks like you're the paedo these days, boy.
- Oh, as if!
267
00:12:33,288 --> 00:12:36,788
She's extremely mature for her age.
She likes olives, for example.
268
00:12:36,851 --> 00:12:38,824
Here, I'll introduce you.
Sabrina?
269
00:12:38,887 --> 00:12:41,711
Sabby, babes, come and meet my mates,
and Aurelius.
270
00:12:41,774 --> 00:12:44,875
All right, Jason's mates?
Sick bar.
271
00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:47,320
No way!
My dad's got that tunic.
272
00:12:47,382 --> 00:12:49,939
Well, then, your dad must be one cool dude.
273
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,620
No, he's a fat solicitor.
274
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:53,464
- Is he?
- Any chance of a top-up, babe?
275
00:12:53,527 --> 00:12:56,322
Yeah, sure thing, babe. Pop some more
wine in that, will you, Aurelius?
276
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:58,611
Hang on, wine?
She can't have wine!
277
00:12:58,674 --> 00:13:00,676
Oh, relax, Grandma, it's fine.
278
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,685
No, it isn't!
She is a child!
279
00:13:02,726 --> 00:13:04,664
If we get caught, we'll lose our licence.
280
00:13:04,747 --> 00:13:06,039
She can have milk.
281
00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:09,192
- Milk? I'm not a fucking baby.
- Well, you're not far off.
282
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,461
- Are the rest of them on wine?
- Just a bit.
283
00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:14,036
Right, get 'em out, Aurelius, now.
284
00:13:14,099 --> 00:13:16,398
- Yes, sir.
- Oh, no, come on!
285
00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:19,893
All under 18s out. Immediately!
Come on.
286
00:13:20,083 --> 00:13:21,739
Where am I supposed to take her now?
287
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,766
I don't know.
Maybe try the sand pit.
288
00:13:23,852 --> 00:13:26,372
This is well harsh.
How come the boxing kid gets to stay?
289
00:13:26,435 --> 00:13:28,283
He's only in Year Five!
290
00:13:30,630 --> 00:13:32,830
Kids say the funniest things.
291
00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:38,493
Sabs!
292
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,005
Sabby, babe, wait.
293
00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:42,289
- You said your mates were cool.
- Yeah, sorry.
294
00:13:42,352 --> 00:13:45,663
I didn't know they were gonna be
such geeks about the whole law thing.
295
00:13:45,726 --> 00:13:48,932
- We could go shops, maybe get some sweets?
- No. I should go home.
296
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,841
- I've got a chemistry test in the morning.
- Very sensible.
297
00:13:51,904 --> 00:13:55,153
Okay, you get swotting
and then we'll do something proper exciting
298
00:13:55,216 --> 00:13:57,086
and grown-up tomorrow, yeah?
299
00:13:57,934 --> 00:13:59,207
Traitor!
300
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:01,634
Eh, Barno!
What you doing here?
301
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:03,039
I live here.
302
00:14:03,102 --> 00:14:05,710
What are you doing, more like?
Cuddling Sabrina?
303
00:14:05,773 --> 00:14:07,685
- You're meant to be my wing man.
- I know!
304
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,482
- I am. Sort of.
- Who's the kid, Jase?
305
00:14:11,112 --> 00:14:15,095
She doesn't even know who I am!
I mean, that is terrible wing-manning.
306
00:14:15,181 --> 00:14:19,334
This is Barney.
I did mention him briefly a while back.
307
00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:21,181
Look, Barn, you were right.
308
00:14:21,244 --> 00:14:24,420
She is perfect and
therefore unperfect for you.
309
00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:27,685
She needs someone mature and suave
who's gonna show her a good time.
310
00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:29,525
And you're way too short for me.
311
00:14:29,587 --> 00:14:31,937
I cannot wing man you any taller.
312
00:14:32,273 --> 00:14:33,613
I thought you were helping me.
313
00:14:33,676 --> 00:14:36,996
I am! Hey, coping with knock-backs,
that's part of the tuition.
314
00:14:39,188 --> 00:14:41,747
Cope a bit better if you can.
315
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:44,753
I never meant for this to happen.
316
00:14:44,816 --> 00:14:47,203
One minute I'm at the school gates,
delivering some books,
317
00:14:47,265 --> 00:14:50,359
the next minute I'm in the sports hall,
smacking the shit out of some kid.
318
00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,614
Okay, I think you've skipped
out a fair few minutes there.
319
00:14:52,676 --> 00:14:55,685
Look, all you need to know is
I've found my specialist subject.
320
00:14:55,747 --> 00:14:58,914
Boxing.
Specifically, under-14 level.
321
00:15:00,141 --> 00:15:02,365
That is way worse than
what I'm doing, to be fair.
322
00:15:02,427 --> 00:15:05,258
Well, neither of you have exactly
covered yourselves in glory.
323
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,116
You can talk.
You got a D minus.
324
00:15:07,179 --> 00:15:09,400
Oh, that was a mistake.
I'm getting that fixed.
325
00:15:09,525 --> 00:15:12,411
Grumio, I cannot believe
I have to tell you this,
326
00:15:12,474 --> 00:15:16,553
- but you need to stop punching children.
- No. I won't.
327
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,016
We've got a crunch match
against Esquiline High this week,
328
00:15:19,078 --> 00:15:21,445
and I'm gonna be absolutely
smothered in glory.
329
00:15:23,318 --> 00:15:25,449
And there is such a thing
as a free lunch, by the way,
330
00:15:25,511 --> 00:15:27,601
and your lad's on double portions.
331
00:16:05,575 --> 00:16:08,828
I am a little concerned
about Barnabas's progress.
332
00:16:08,891 --> 00:16:11,365
While his latest essay was much more...
333
00:16:11,427 --> 00:16:13,449
well, dense than usual,
334
00:16:13,512 --> 00:16:16,301
it also exhibited a certain arrogance.
335
00:16:16,364 --> 00:16:18,229
I would never describe Barney as arrogant.
336
00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:20,381
- Well, no, neither would I.
- Because he's not!
337
00:16:20,444 --> 00:16:22,973
And nor was his essay.
Provocative? Sure.
338
00:16:23,036 --> 00:16:24,256
Original?
Certainly.
339
00:16:24,319 --> 00:16:25,858
Arrogant?
No way.
340
00:16:25,921 --> 00:16:28,230
Marcus has been helping Barney with history.
341
00:16:28,292 --> 00:16:29,973
Well, trying to, anyway.
342
00:16:30,036 --> 00:16:32,230
Let me give you an example.
343
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,567
Yeah, so, "While most historians assert
344
00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:36,889
"that the Roman army defeated Carthage,
345
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:39,408
"I propose that the very opposite is true."
346
00:16:39,611 --> 00:16:40,894
What a fresh perspective.
347
00:16:40,957 --> 00:16:43,230
Yeah, fresh, as in completely idiotic.
348
00:16:43,292 --> 00:16:45,489
It's like he never even
opened the text book.
349
00:16:45,552 --> 00:16:48,468
How else could he have come up
with such a daring argument?
350
00:16:48,531 --> 00:16:50,562
And maybe he's right!
Maybe Carthage did win.
351
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,162
The City of Carthage
was completely destroyed.
352
00:16:53,365 --> 00:16:56,556
Including the slums and open sewers,
which needed replacing, anyway.
353
00:16:56,619 --> 00:16:58,354
Their entire population was enslaved.
354
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:01,295
And transported to Rome for free,
which was kind of a win for them.
355
00:17:01,357 --> 00:17:03,497
- It's genuinely quite offensive.
- Which is too much
356
00:17:03,559 --> 00:17:06,723
for a blinkered, jobsworth div to appreciate.
D minus is a joke!
357
00:17:06,786 --> 00:17:09,935
I should have at least got a B!
He should have at least got a B.
358
00:17:10,506 --> 00:17:11,730
Barney.
359
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,283
It's fresh.
360
00:17:14,292 --> 00:17:16,521
- You wrote it, didn't you?
- I did, sorry.
361
00:17:17,456 --> 00:17:22,229
Is there any chance Barney could
do it again, on his own this time?
362
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,970
Yes, of course,
but we do take cheating very seriously,
363
00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:27,343
so I'm afraid he will receive a punishment.
364
00:17:28,292 --> 00:17:29,824
I'll bin this one, shall I?
365
00:17:29,887 --> 00:17:31,541
Oh, well...
366
00:17:33,122 --> 00:17:35,230
It's not like we can get
into any bars, can we?
367
00:17:35,292 --> 00:17:37,311
We could go to a posh restaurant
or something.
368
00:17:38,111 --> 00:17:41,540
- That'll be well expensive, though.
- Or go for a ride in your chariot?
369
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:44,231
Sure, if I had a chariot.
Which I don't.
370
00:17:44,776 --> 00:17:46,910
Oh, come on, it's not that bad.
371
00:17:46,973 --> 00:17:48,735
The playground's a bit of retro fun.
372
00:17:48,798 --> 00:17:51,230
It's not retro for me,
I only just stopped coming here,
373
00:17:51,292 --> 00:17:53,195
and you said you'd show me a good time.
374
00:17:54,292 --> 00:17:56,624
And I will.
Strap in, sweetheart,
375
00:17:56,687 --> 00:17:58,820
cos you're about to go higher
than you've ever gone!
376
00:17:58,882 --> 00:18:00,171
Jase, be careful!
377
00:18:00,234 --> 00:18:02,853
Oh, see this is the benefit
of going out with a grown-up.
378
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,125
I can push much harder
than the boys your age!
379
00:18:06,057 --> 00:18:07,296
Let's do a loop the loop!
380
00:18:11,938 --> 00:18:13,270
That was fun.
381
00:18:14,304 --> 00:18:15,507
Right?
382
00:18:16,271 --> 00:18:18,382
I'm so sorry,
I shouldn't have cheated like that.
383
00:18:18,444 --> 00:18:20,590
I'm not angry about the cheating, Marcus.
384
00:18:20,652 --> 00:18:22,694
I'm angry you got such a shit mark!
385
00:18:22,757 --> 00:18:24,231
At least cheat well!
386
00:18:24,261 --> 00:18:26,715
I thought history was meant
to be your specialist subject.
387
00:18:26,777 --> 00:18:31,415
Now I think about it, I may have
misremembered my history of learning history.
388
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,605
I'm better at science,
if he needs help with that.
389
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:35,270
God, no!
Keep away.
390
00:18:35,332 --> 00:18:38,725
If he struggles from now on, I am
shelling out for a proper pedagogue.
391
00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:41,573
Fair enough.
So, are we still on for dinner?
392
00:18:41,744 --> 00:18:45,834
Wouldn't have thought so.
You are going to be busy this evening.
393
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:51,135
Right, this is the big one.
394
00:18:51,439 --> 00:18:52,743
Esquiline High.
395
00:18:52,806 --> 00:18:56,418
I've not won a fight against these
in all my 25 years of coaching,
396
00:18:56,481 --> 00:18:57,895
and I'll tell you honestly,
397
00:18:57,958 --> 00:19:00,896
I will love it if we beat them.
Love it!
398
00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:04,249
Okay, cos I were thinking,
maybe Ajax could fight instead.
399
00:19:04,312 --> 00:19:06,414
You what?
That scrawny little pecker?
400
00:19:06,477 --> 00:19:08,906
- You're a killer.
- There is a reason for that, coach.
401
00:19:08,969 --> 00:19:11,712
Yeah, cos you're the real deal.
A boxing natural.
402
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,488
And cos I'm a 29-year-old man.
403
00:19:13,604 --> 00:19:15,229
I'm not even meant to be in school.
404
00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:18,351
I got mistaken for a kid
and I kept coming back for the lunches.
405
00:19:21,487 --> 00:19:24,440
I've heard what you've got to say,
I really have, but the thing is,
406
00:19:24,503 --> 00:19:27,552
this is my only chance
to beat these bastards,
407
00:19:27,615 --> 00:19:29,321
so pretend that I haven't.
408
00:19:32,093 --> 00:19:33,327
Fair dos.
409
00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:35,980
All right then, son, let's get it over with.
410
00:19:37,498 --> 00:19:38,967
Bloody hell.
411
00:19:39,385 --> 00:19:40,624
Fight!
412
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,230
Claudius!
Claudius!
413
00:19:55,134 --> 00:19:58,697
- Are you sure we're in the right bit?
- Yeah, this is paediatrics.
414
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,858
- Paedo-what-now?
- The bit for kids.
415
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:03,156
Right, yeah.
416
00:20:04,024 --> 00:20:06,124
Fell out of a tree, my one.
417
00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:08,230
Oh, right.
418
00:20:10,135 --> 00:20:11,686
How about yours?
419
00:20:11,924 --> 00:20:14,231
Oh, uh... Yeah, similar.
Fell out a swing.
420
00:20:14,352 --> 00:20:16,579
I didn't fall, you pushed me.
421
00:20:16,642 --> 00:20:18,350
Well, bit of both, maybe.
422
00:20:18,944 --> 00:20:20,788
Well, I'm sure your daddy didn't mean to.
423
00:20:20,851 --> 00:20:23,113
You what?
He's not my daddy.
424
00:20:23,176 --> 00:20:24,838
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought...
425
00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:27,499
- Are you the teacher, then, or...
- Boyfriend, yeah.
426
00:20:33,492 --> 00:20:35,991
- Listen, Sabs, babes, we need to talk.
- You're dumped.
427
00:20:36,474 --> 00:20:37,746
What?
No, I was about to...
428
00:20:37,809 --> 00:20:40,524
I thought dating an older guy
would be glamorous and stuff,
429
00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,230
but it's actually pretty lame.
430
00:20:42,292 --> 00:20:45,539
- One, it's not, and two, I was dumping you.
- Too late, I dumped you first.
431
00:20:45,601 --> 00:20:47,559
- I'd already started the dumping process.
- You didn't finish it.
432
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,336
- It still counts.
- It doesn't matter, Jason. Grow up!
433
00:20:57,954 --> 00:21:00,118
Grumio?
What happened to you?
434
00:21:00,181 --> 00:21:02,593
Got my head kicked in by
a 13-year-old, didn't I?
435
00:21:02,656 --> 00:21:04,594
Kids today are proper vicious.
436
00:21:05,292 --> 00:21:06,594
Tell me about it.
437
00:21:09,332 --> 00:21:11,404
Lines?
That's pretty old school.
438
00:21:11,467 --> 00:21:13,618
I know!
That teacher's a total prick.
439
00:21:13,681 --> 00:21:16,897
I've gotta write, "I will not ask
other people to do my homework,"
440
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,160
1,000 times.
441
00:21:19,876 --> 00:21:22,947
Actually, isn't calligraphy
one of your specialist subjects?
442
00:21:23,010 --> 00:21:25,230
It is, indeed.
I have a beautiful cursive hand.
443
00:21:25,292 --> 00:21:27,488
Well, I would love to see it in action...
444
00:21:27,559 --> 00:21:30,036
about 993 times?
445
00:21:31,122 --> 00:21:34,828
That goes completely against
the spirit of the punishment, you realise?
446
00:21:36,998 --> 00:21:38,965
That is beautiful.
447
00:21:41,519 --> 00:21:46,119
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
36054
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