All language subtitles for ALFIE 2004

What's it all about *

What's it all about *

Alfie? *

Alfie? *

What's it all about *

When you sort it out *

Alfie? *

What's it all about? *

( smooth blues theme playing )

ALFIE: You're lucky, you know.

I rarely allow anyone
into my flat.

I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know.

Humble digs.

Not exactly what you'd call
a "panty peeler."

Do you know what I mean?

But it suits me just fine.

To be honest, I rarely spend
a night in my own bed anyway.

You see, here's my theory.

For most women, if a guy's
a good provider

and generally a nice chap,

six-pack abs really aren't
a deal-breaker.

On the flip side, however,

even though the PC boyfriend
sat next to you

with his arm slung around
your shoulder will deny it--

And he will deny it. For us
boys, it's all about F.B.B.

Face. Boobs. Bum.

I'm just being honest.

It's been said that clothes

speak the international
language.

And I have to admit,
I'm a bit of a fashion whore.

Unfortunately,
today I've got work

and I have to tone it down
a little bit,

but that's all right.

Gucci. End-of-summer sale.

Very understated. And I can
easily spice it up with...

What? No, no. I know
what you are thinking.

If you ooze masculinity,
like some of us do,

you have no reason to fear pink.

Smashing.

Now, in the cologne department,
most men overdo it.

Americans practically
spray it on with a crop-duster.

My rule: nothing above the neck,

though I do like a little splash
on Big Ben.

You never know
where the day may take you.

Almost forgot.

New word for the day.

"Ostentatious.

The attempt to attract
attention to oneself."

Who? Me?

Oh, blimey. I'm so rude.
I haven't introduced myself.

I'm...
WOMAN: Alfie!

There you go. Alfie.

Are you the little elf

that left these
mocha bonbons on my doorstep?

No, no, no.

You must have a secret
admirer, Mrs. Schnitman.

You are such a doll, Alfie.

But I'm supposed
to be on a diet.

Oh, on a diet?

A diet.
You?

Yeah.

Now, I don't mean
to be forward, Lu,

but you should know by now

that a full-figured girl
like yourself

is every guy's secret fantasy.

Stop it.

So she's a tub of lard.

The ship's already sailed,

so why not make her
feel good about herself, right?

Oh, Lu?
Yes, angel?

I'm working the night spot

and my apartment
is a horror show,

so I'm sorry if I keep you up
with the dust-busting at 2 a.m.

Oh, don't you worry.

I'll give it a quick straighten.

Oh, no, no,
you don't need to do that.

Nonsense. I like
doing things for you, Alfie.

I'm a blessed man
having you in my life.

Thank you.

Keys are in the usual spot.

ALFIE:
Now, back home, you're always
hearing tales about some bloke

migrating to the States

and winding up
with buckets of money.

So not long ago, I packed up
my bucket and headed west.

Now, I must admit,
I had a second motive.

I'd always been told

that the most beautiful women
in the world...

...resided in Manhattan.

And when it comes
to shagging birds,

it's all about one thing:

Location, location, location.

God, I love this city.

All right, girls?

Just look around.

I mean, every one of them,

unique, special,
like snowflakes.

( laughs )

And with such a plethora--

Calendar word meaning abundance,

of gorgeousness and diversity,

well, how could a man
ever choose

to settle down with just one?

I myself subscribe more to
the European philosophy of life.

My priorities leaning towards
wine, women--

Well, actually, that's about it.

Wine and women.

Although, women and women
is always a fun option.

So...

...to live life to the fullest,

I require only enough
to cover my modest expenses.

I've no desire to be the richest
stiff in the cemetery.

( woman moaning )

I think this just might be
my favorite position.

I know it was
President Kennedy's.

He was such a great leader.

Of course, JFK used the old
"bad back" excuse,

but if you ask me, he knew
it gave you maximum pleasure

with minimum exertion.

What is it about
the back of a limo?

( laughs )

( moaning, giggling )

Obligatory cuddling.

Thousand one,

thousand two...

Cripes. Hey, I've
gotta get cracking.

I've got a 10:00 pickup.

You better hurry up.

You don't want
to keep her waiting.

Hmm. Wow!

Ow! ( laughs )

( laughs )

ALFIE:
Quite the number,
isn't she?

Yet she tells me

her old man hasn't shagged her
in six months.

Six months.

I mean, thank God there are
gentlemen like me around

to pick up the slack.

Just look at her.
Legs like a racehorse.

Perfect yoga bum. I give her
my highest grade.

A minus.

Where did we tell the old man
we were going tonight?

A movie.

Treasure, please, no, no, no.

Stop messing about.
You'll ruin my presets.

Sorry.

What movie?

I don't know.
What's the difference?

The difference is
the more detail you give,

the less interested he'll be.

It wouldn't matter what I said.

It would never occur to Phil
that another man

would ever look twice at me.

Dor, darling,
you fishing for a compliment?

No.

You should know by now

they only come from me
when least expected.

Now, come and have a mint

so Phil doesn't smell
the Alfie on your breath.

I don't care if he does.

There's one thing that puts me
off marriage.

It's married women.

Dorie doesn't know it yet,

but you won't be seeing
much more of her.

I've got that
all-too-familiar feeling.

Sooner or later,

she'll be wanting a little
bit more than I'm able to give.

Wouldn't it be great if I was
going home with you tonight

instead of Phil the Pill?

Yeah.

It's definitely time
to stage a disappearing act.

So next Tuesday,
same time, same place?

Oh, I'm sorry, love,
it's Fashion Week.

I'm booked double shifts.

I'll call you the instant
things let up.

Okay.

In the meantime,

I left you a little souvenir
to remember me by.

Oh, Dor?

Your derrière looks
really rather ravishing

from this vantage point.

( giggles )

See?

A compliment
when least expected.

What can I say?
Happy as a pup with two tails.

Hi.

And I think I've done old Phil
a bit of a favor too.

Of course, he'd be
the last to see it.

Never expect any thanks
in this life.

You know what I mean?
So Tuesday...

...10:03 p.m.

Do I drag myself home
to a cold flat, empty fridge,

or nip across town

for a hot bath, warm body,
breakfast in bed?

Hmm...

Decisions, decisions...

Yeah, I think I'll pay a visit
to my semi-regular,

quasi, sort of girlfriend.

My sweet Julie.

( whistling )

Da-na!

JULIE:
Let me guess.

Unexpected last-minute fare.

Yeah. She had me going
up and down for hours.

That supposed to be funny?

Because it is so very...

Not.

Hey!

I'm not kidding, Alfie!

I'm not kidding.
I hate you sometimes.

You have a very ostentatious way
of showing it.

Yeah, I sure do.

No, darling. Can we hit pause?

I just need a second to unwind.

Oh, I nicked half a bottle
of Stoli from the limo.

How do you want yours,
on the rocks?

I just want my usual, Alfie.
Straight up.

No, I'm so totally knackered.

I'll make it up to you
in the morning.

Cross my heart.

But tonight, all I'm good for
is a bite to eat, hot bath

and a nice long sleep.

( upbeat reggae music playing
over radio )

You know, this isn't
a Holiday Inn, Alfie.

What's that again?

Where were you tonight? Really?

You've got to open a restaurant.
That's seriously delicious.

Thanks, Alfie. It's just chili.

Hey.

A little eye contact, please.

We have something here,

or am I just a glorified
booty call?

Hey.

Hey.

Here's what she's really saying.

She wants me to commit.

Translation:
Become "domestified."

Now, it doesn't do

to become dependent
on anybody in this life.

Change your nature,
you're a dead man.

Chili, please.

Don't get me wrong.
She's adorable.

Cute? Absolutely.
But is it ever enough?

I told you how we men are.
We want showstoppers.

And the problem is,
Julie hasn't got enough

of the superficial things
that really matter.

Oh, I don't deserve you.

Yeah, that's probably true.

Too bad I love you.

Oh, thanks, babe.

Alfie.
What?

Alfie...

You're giving me
the "Thanks, babe."

You're giving me
the "Thanks, baby."

Calm down.

Don't tell me to calm down!
I know how you feel!

Wait a minute.
You're gonna wake up--

BOY: Max.

Hey, little man.

Did we wake you up?

Yes.

Now, lads, learn
from my mistake.

Never get involved
with a single mum.

See, they come with accessories,

some of which can be...

...unfortunately, irresistible.

Hey, half-price Tuesday!

Sights like that

make you realize
we all have an expiration date.

And women do have a shorter
shelf life than men, don't they?

I think that's what Julie
was banging on about yesterday.

Elegant Limousine and Chauffeur.

This is where I make
my reasonably honest living.

Standards of elegance

has taken quite a pounding,
wouldn't you say?

I know.

Believe me,
it's merely a stepping stone.

Currently parked on one
of those stepping stones

is my best mate and future
business partner,

Marlon.

Black. Like Lonette's skin...

...which I will
never again touch.

( sighs )

I'm afraid you're not meeting
my man on top form.

See, Marlon's
got a problem.

Cross the threshold *

I slipped and fell too far *

Now there's no light
Coming from up above *

Here I am *

ALFIE:
It's called Lonette.

And very recently,
it dumped him.

Oh, dear. Come on,
what was it this time?

Three a.m., begging,
Uh-huh.

at her front door.

Level of inebriation?
Vomiting.

Right. So let me
get this straight.

You were at
her front door,

three a.m. in the morning,
begging and vomiting?

And what, she wasn't
charmed by that?

( chuckles )

WING:
Alfie? Why is there
no Stoli in car number two?

I've no idea.

Oi, I gotta watch this guy
like a hawk.

( chuckles )

That little chap's name is Wing.

My boss and owner
of this tragic enterprise.

Wipe that car good!

Owner, that is,
till me and Marlon

swing a loan and buy it out
from underneath his scrawny--

Hello? You miss bird shit.

( woman speaks Chinese )

Wing.

He's barking mad.

Check out the way he talks
to the little woman.

( speaking Chinese )

She's given him her best years,
cooked his chop suey,

helped with the business,

and I bet at one time

he couldn't wait
to rip off her kimono.

And now look at him.

And I'm supposed to respect
the institution of marriage?

ALFIE: That's
a great figure, man.

We swing that loan, cash
your IRA, I hock my Vespa...

We're gonna take Wing
by surprise

with an offer like this.

I could've predicted this.

See, Marlon and Lonette have
reached that critical 18-month

"Where are we going, what are we
doing, what's happening here?"

crisis point
that rears its ugly head

in every relationship.

Lonette wanted ring, home, baby.

Marlon wanted another 18 months

to make sure nothing better
was coming his way.

I fucked up egregiously.

I see you're making the most
of that birthday calendar.

By the time he realized
he'd made a mistake

and he wanted her back...

...it was too late.

Hey, stranger.

Hey.

Carol.

Carol! Hi, Carol.

CAROL: Hi.
ALFIE: Hiya.

You look wonderful.

So, Carol, well, it's nice
to see you again. You be well.

What's up with that?

Put it this way, the show closed
after one performance only.

Do I even wanna know why?

No. Come on, it would be less
than discreet to tell you why.

Hair on the arms.

Seriously. Long, thick--

What are you talking about?

You don't have hair
on your arms?

You're looking
very lovely tonight.

Thank you.

Dude, the iron door
has slammed shut, man.

Classic, isn't it?

Now that he can't have her,

he thinks he can't live
without her.

Some people are funny.

Marlon's predicament
got me thinking

about my own situation.

Maybe-- Maybe it was time
to stoke the home fires.

Anybody in the mood
for a little Alfie, straight up?

JULIE:
Uh, this isn't
a good time, Alfie.

Got a lot on my mind.

Oh, God. Yeah, I really
hate when that happens.

Open up, baby.

You look seriously beautiful.

Not tonight, Alfred.

What's the matter? Tell me.

I don't-- I'm just--
Well, I guess I'm-- I'm just...

I'm just seeing red.

( door slams )

( thunder crashes )

( dog barking in distance )

ALFIE:
I mean, the poor guy,
he's dying.

Come on, haven't you--?
You've tortured him long enough.

Alfie, he should've
thought about all that

before he was screwing around
with that ex-girlfriend of his.

Those fake-ass, $5 titties.

Those are fake?

Hello?

Wow, I'm devastated.
They've got, like...

Alfie, you're supposed to be

consoling my devastation,
remember?

Yeah, I am. Look, he came back,
didn't he?

Begging, crawling
on his knees, vomiting--

I don't care.

I'm sorry,
I'm not that easy.

I don't forgive,
and I definitely do not forget.

Is okay if I leave now, miss?
Oh, sÃ, Felix.

Hit the lights on your way out,
por favor.

SÃ.

I better go.

It's really coming down
out there.

Yeah.

And I'm wearing suede.

( chuckles )

ALFIE:
You're telling the truth.
That's brilliant.

( Lonette laughs )

Okay. I got one.

I never swam
in the Pacific Ocean.

Me neither.

Oh, shit. Okay.

( Teddy Pendergrass' "Love
T.K.O." playing over jukebox )

Okay. I've never seen
a James Bond movie.

You're joking.
Not even a Sean Connery?

Uh-uh.
You serious?

Wow, I don't know
if that's magic or tragic.

( laughing )

Okay. Five-four. My go.

I've never made my own bed.

Oh, bullshit.
No, I repeat.

I've never made my own bed.

What kind of mama you got?

That's a good question.

( laughs )

Let's see. All right.

I got something for you.

All right.

I've never had sex...

I've never had sex
with two people in one night.

Six-five, your favor.

( laughs ) Gotcha.

So, Alfie, what's the most
you've had in one night?

We've stopped playing the game,
haven't we?

Am I wrong, or is there a little
innocent flirting going on here?

'Cause you lose all thoughts,
sense of time *

And have a change of mind *

Driftin' on a memory *

Ain't no place I'd rather be
Than with you *

Yeah *

Loving you *

( Lonette laughs )

Day will make a way for night *

See, if I had
that kind of talent...

And a song *

Go on, finish your sentence.

If I had that kind of talent,

and I looked like you...

And a song *

...I would be
strutting my stuff...

Oh, yeah?

...on a stage.

Alone with a lover *

Unlike no other *

Sad to see *

A new horizon *

Slowly coming into view *

Yeah *

I wanna be living *

( screams )

ALFIE: Trust me,
what happens next

was the furthest thing
from my mind

when I dropped by tonight.

But then I thought to myself,

"You know what?

"If this will help her get past
her anger towards Marlon,

"I owe it to both of them,
as a friend, right?

To do whatever I can to help."

That touches me
When the morning comes *

Feels good to me, yeah *

ALFIE: I find that, lately,

even lying to myself
comes easily.

Smoother than a gentle breeze *

Flowin' through my mind
with ease *

Soft as can be *

Well *

When you're lovin' me,
When you're lovin' me *

( sighs )

Love to be *

Ridin' the waves of your love
Enchanted with your touch *

And it seems to me *

( sighs )

We could sail together
in and out of mystery *

I wanna be livin' *

ALFIE:
The next morning, and I can't
get last night out of my mind.

Try desperately to focus on
something else, anything else.

Anything to get my mind off

my best friend's
incredibly hot,

best-ass-I've-ever-seen-
in-my-life girlfriend.

MARLON: Alfie. Alfie.

Alfie!

Shall I pretend
I can't hear him?

Dude.

Hey!

Too late. Too late.

Dude, would you slow down?

Hey, Marly, what's up?

"Marly"?

Hey, listen,
I gotta talk to you.

You know what? You ain't going
nowhere till you tell me

what went down last night.

Down last night?

Dude, don't mess with me.

What happened with Lonette?

Have you ever heard
the word "knock"?

What went down?

What? Nothing.
"What happened?"

We had a few shots.

Missus give me
silent treatment.

Little she know,

not hearing constant "blah,
blah, blah" is gift from heaven.

You keep it up.

Keep it up, mate, it'll work.
Alfie, what happened?

Oh, fuck a duck, man.
Look, I...

I drank a lot last night.

Drunk.

I... Well, I...

I really-- I don't remember.

Dude, you did
something to her.

No.

Oh, yeah, you did.

Because she shows up
at my house

at 4 in the morning,
saying that she wanted me back.

She even said
that if I needed more time,

that she understood completely.

How fucking crazy.

Chalk one up for the blokes.

Thanks to me,
Marlon won the game.

Which means he's off scot-free,
and so am I.

This is a bloody miracle.
That's fantastic. Fantastic.

Come on, what did you say
to her?

Look, look. It's all good.

Come on, what did you say?

I asked her to marry me.

You know you're
my best man, right?

ALFIE: Moral of the story:

No good deed goes unpunished.

( mellow rock theme playing )

( all cheer and applaud )

ALFIE:
New word for the day?

"Resilience:

The ability to readily recover
after disappointment or loss."

Capacity to spring back.

Understand, it's not
about replacing Julie.

I just wanna get back
to the simple life:

women who mean nothing to me.

So I've struck up a friendship

with a nightclub hostess
called Uta.

Hello, Uta.

( N.E.R.D.'s "Don't Worry
About It" playing )

See, I know I got
Those other girls *

But I wanna learn from you *

Now, as a heat-seeking bachelor,

I have to live
by some very simple rules.

Alfie Elkins' credo
or philosophy,

which is probably best summed up
by the only advice

my father ever gave me.

He said, "Son, whenever you
meet a beautiful woman...

"...just remember,

somewhere there's a bloke
who's sick of shagging her."

Can I help you, man?

G and T, please.

Explain to me what everyone sees
in that Eurotrash?

If you don't wanna
Give it up *

Don't worry about it *

Worry about it *

Don't worry about it *

Worry about it *

See *

I know I got
Those other girls *

But I wanna learn from you *

I think it's incredibly unfair
that it's acceptable for men

to be sexually experimental,

then with a woman,
if she wants to try something,

a kiss or...a three--
A threesome,

you know, that they'd be judged.

I wouldn't judge them.

And I think if you two were to
kiss, I would-- I would just--

I would just see it
as a thing of beauty.

Although I'm living
every guy's Rat Pack fantasy,

something feels a bit off.

And throwing myself
back into the old lifestyle

isn't going quite as smoothly
as I'd hoped.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

You carry on without me.

Oh, my loves, I--

I don't know what happened.
This is so unlike me.

Yeah, you-- You two just...

I used to think there was
nothing worse than death.

Then, from out of nowhere...

...the unthinkable.

Now I really don't get
what everyone sees in you.

It just keeps on happening
and happening.

Or more accurately, not
happening and not happening.

This never happens, Uta.
Honestly, never.

Honestly.

Not the word around town...

...peewee.

Mr. Elkins?
Yes.

Miranda Kulp.

Miranda.

The penis doctor is a he with
a little bit of she thrown in.

So I understand

you're experiencing
some erectile dysfunction.

I am experiencing a little--
A little--

A little bit of--
What you just said.

Not to worry.
That's my area of expertise.

So have you been under

any unusual emotional stress
lately, Mr. Elkins?

Stress? Emotional? Me? No.

Never.

Well, unless you count that
recent chat I had with Julie.

I can't see you anymore, Alfie.

Why? You angry?

No, I'm really not angry.

Just, you know,
we want different things.

And I can't have you traipsing
in and out of Max's life.

You've changed your hair,
haven't you?

Mm-hm.

You have, haven't you?
No, you have.

You've changed your hairdo.
You cut it?

It looks gorgeous.

Thanks.
How come you...?

How come you never had it like
that when we were together?

I really gotta go.

Well, I guess...

...you need these back.

Thank you.

Alfie?

Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah. No worries.
I'm always okay.

DR. KULP: Alrighty,

let's take a gander
at that penis of yours.

I see.

Oh!

Whoa. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Hello!
Well.

It seems we have liftoff.

It seems we do.

Wunderschon.

What a relief.

Well, I mean,
if he can give me a stiffy,

I should have
no problem keeping it up

for the target demographic,
shouldn't I?

Well, there doesn't appear to be
anything physiologically wrong.

No.

So, in short,

we can be fairly certain

your problem was
simply stress-related.

Translation: Julie-related.

Like I always say,
if they don't get you one way,

they'll get you another.

Um...

However...

I did feel something...

...a little kooky.

Kooky?

There is nothing
to get upset about, Mr. Elkins.

I thought I felt...

a lump...

...on your penis.

But with any luck,
it will be nothing.

The words "lump" and "penis"
in the same sentence.

There's something
you don't hear every day.

ALFIE: And so young Alfred
got an early Yuletide gift.

( melancholy rock theme
playing )

A penis biopsy.

I get my test results
in three days-- Well, five.

Five, counting the weekend.
Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.

How am I gonna stop myself
going completely bonkers?

I'll be fine.

I'll be fine.

I'm a young man.

( groans )

Shift focus, Alfie. Shift--

Let's go, kids. Let's go.

Oh! Move along, children.
Look straight ahead.

Come on. Do not look at the man.
Look straight ahead.

In the meantime, perhaps
I'm safer hobbling on home.

( truck horn blares )

( groans )

Alfie, dear, what's wrong?
You look like death warmed over.

No, I've-- I've got a bit of
a football injury, that's all.

Mrs. Schnitman--
Hello, Mrs. Liberman.

You two look lovely.
Where you going?

Shopping.
You need anything?

I'm fine.

Hello.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

Ladies, this is
my friend Lonette.

She's lovely. Good for you,
dating an African-American.

( laughs )

Yeah.

Hey. Hey, girl.

I missed you.

Don't mind us. We're not here.
You kids keep talking.

Very nice to meet you.

See you, Mrs. Liberman.

Shop till you drop, girls.

( laughs )

So how have you been?

I'm pregnant.

ALFIE:
It seems to me

the problems
you worry yourself sick about

never seem to materialize.

It's the ones
that catch you unexpectedly

on a Wednesday afternoon

that knock you sideways.

I offered
to face the music with her

but she wanted to go it alone.

( sniffs )

( Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart's
"The Blind Leading the Blind"
playing )

When the chips are down *

And you're blinded
On your feet *

You're standing up
And walking *

But you know
You are dead beat *

The sky is busting *

It's near the break of day *

You're running low
On options *

ALFIE: We both knew
that if the baby was born

with any white-boy features,

it would mean the end
of Lonette and Marlon.

Not to mention your host
for this evening.

But standing in the cold,

I find myself having regrets,

thinking thoughts like,

"Here's another kid you'll
never get a chance to know.

Your own."

Like the blind *

Leading the blind *

Time after time *

Won't let the love in *

Didn't take long.

( whispers ):
Yeah.

Bloody hell,
you're freezing.

How do you feel?

Empty.

That night in the bar,

I thought I was getting
something for nothing.

Doesn't seem to have worked out
that way, does it?

( phone ringing )

WOMAN: Good morning,
Dr. Kulp's office.

ALFIE:
Oh, man.

If everything turns out okay,

maybe this little brush
with mortality is a sign.

I should think about making--
Making some changes.

Possibly.

Next week.

Excuse me, did I just--?
Did you just look at me?

Did I just notice you turn away?

If you know
the results to my tests,

and they're telling you--

Mr. Elkins.
Please. Please.

Mr. Elkins, for the millionth
time, sit down.

Mr. Belson,
I have a cancellation

on Tuesday at 11:30.

I'm gonna be fine.

Would you like me
to slot you in then?

I just feel it.

Thank you.
Goodbye.

I'll just be a minute. Or ten.

( laughs )

It's all right.
Take your time.

I don't have a choice.

I used to pee. Now I trickle.

I'm Joe. What's your name?

Alfie.

So how you doing, Alfie?

Hanging in.
( laughs )

You?
Shitty.

( laughs )

Yeah, me too.

Me too.

I like
the bolo tie.

Oh, thanks.
I have a collection.

You know, when you're old,
you learn to be patient.

Yeah. Used to be I never
had time for nothing.

Go, go, go.

I know that feeling.
Yeah.

My wife was always hawking me
to take a little vacation:

Hawaii, Reno...

I always said,
"Next year, Evie, next year.

I got too much on my platter."

I always thought
I'd have more time.

Then one Sunday night,

she takes the pot roast
out of the oven,

yells, "Soup's on,"
and slumps to the kitchen floor.

Just like that.

Dead as disco.

Jesus,
I'm sorry.

I tried picking up
the pieces,

even went
to Waikiki alone

on the 8-day cruise package
she was always yakking about.

Couldn't get Evie
out of my mind.

( chuckles )

There's two things
I learned in life, kid:

You find someone to love,

and live every day
as though it were your last.

She's all yours, Alfie.

Enjoy.

( water trickling )

You all right, son?

Yeah.

I hope so.

Look, if you ever get bored
or feel like schmoozing...

...give me a holler.

You'll never call.

Maybe I will.

All right, good.

We'll go to a bar together,
hit on some chicks.

Damn right. Thanks, Joe.

Hey.

I'm sorry about Evie.

We...we weren't
all that fond of each other.

But we were...very close.

If you know what I mean.

I think I do.

( somber theme playing )

I've been thinking a lot lately
about God and death,

and how, if what they taught me
in Bible class is true,

I'm really in for it.

But I won't be partying
with Lucifer any time soon,

because my test results
were negative.

I'm gonna live!

I'm gonna live!

( upbeat theme playing )

I ruined my Prada lace-ups
and I don't care.

Don't think
I've forgotten my oath

to completely change my life,

because I haven't.

( upbeat Christmas theme
playing )

Carrot-apple
with a dash of wheat grass.

Yep.

Health is now
priority number one.

Business plan
moves onto the fast track.

WOMAN:
If you say so.

Tonight's preview
at St. Ambrose--

( laughs )

No, I definitely
don't want to talk.

Okay, hold on,
what else have I got?

Okay, uh-huh, yeah.

All right, if we must,
we must, but--

New slate. New beginning.

( snorts )

What's your name, driver?
Alfie, sir.

Wait here, Alfie.

Do you know how long
you're gonna be, roughly?

You got someplace to go?

I was just gonna nip off
and get a cup of tea.

Look, why don't
you just stay put?

( chuckles )

Ooh.

Yea or nay?

A definite yea, I think. Really.

Stunning.
Wouldn't you say so, sir?

I'm sorry, didn't I ask you
to wait by the car?

I reckoned I should help
the lady with her packages.

Definite yea?

I think.

With one minor...

May I?

You may.

...adjustment.

Bullfighter.

Another lifetime.
Don't ask.

( whispers ):
Wow!

Fifty, if she's a day.

But don't they say 50
is the new 40,

and is she not
living proof?

I mean, have a look.
Beautifully preserved.

And a cleavage
like the Holland Tunnel.

Better?
Much.

ALFIE:
You are so right
to trust Chanel.

A pair of hot-pink stilettos
and you're good to go.

LIZ:
Well, aren't you
Mr. Full Service?

ALFIE:
We try.

ALFIE:
He's getting
a little pissy, isn't he?

Oh, it's fine.
It's good for him.

Is your husband
a lot older than you?

He's not my husband.

He's wearing
a wedding ring.

Well, I never said he wasn't
somebody else's husband.

Grab the stuff
from the trunk?

You got it.
Cheers.

Ma'am, if you require
my services in the future...

Happy Christmas, sir. Ma'am.

ALFIE:
Now that, my friends,
is a real woman.

Smart and sexy and...

You noticed the little flirt
going on between us, huh?

Makes me think,
if a woman like that,

of that caliber

should take notice
of a bloke like me,

then, perhaps--

Perhaps I'm selling myself
a bit short.

ALFIE: In a flash,

I have my New Year's
resolution.

Aim higher.

Catastrophic. Doomed.

Desolate. Cataclysmic.

Bought him a word-of-the-day
calendar for Christmas.

Big mistake.

Holiday season,
busiest time of the year.

I try to run a business.

What's the problem,
Mr. Wing?

Your soul brother.

He quit.

ALFIE:
In the letter Marlon left me,

he called me his best friend

but apologized for bailing
on our business scheme.

He said his whole thing now
was to make Lonette happy.

They decided,
on the spur of the moment,

to move upstate,

and I had a standing invite
to drop by any time.

Somehow Lonette
convinced Marlon

it would be too painful
to say our goodbyes in person.

And to make matters worse,

it all dovetails

into the second loneliest night
of the year:

Christmas Eve.

( Mick Jagger & Joss Stone's
"Lonely Without You" playing )

I'm gonna be lonely
without you *

ALFIE:
A night that brings on

all those familiar
festive feelings

of hopelessness,
anguish, despair.

Not a great time
to be flying solo.

That's why I'm of the belief
couples should never split up

between Thanksgiving
and January 2nd.

Always have a relationship
to see you through the holidays.

Always.

The downside, of course,
being gifts.

A lonely, lonely Christmas *

Without you *

Personally, I've always
suspected that everyone else

is having a far merrier
Christmas than I am.

Not that I've ever actually
had a Christmas.

That's a whole
other Dickens story.

MAN: Taxi!

Taxi!

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, mate, it's against
the law to carry more than--

What's coming, what's coming *

What's coming round *

What's coming round *

ALFIE:
Thank the Lord.

A Christmas miracle.

All right, hop in.

Thanks for saving us.

I was freezing
my little tush off.

No worries. You know,
it's pretty full back there.

Why don't you--?

Good idea.

Why don't I?

Hey, watch the champagne.

All in.

Merry Christmas, St. Nick *

Christmas comes this time
Each year *

Fuck off! Ew!

( giggles )

They don't get out much.

You wanna watch out,
you guys.

You'll end up with a lump
of coal in your stocking.

You're English.
Yeah.

I love English.

What's your name?

Alfie.

You wanna abuse
a little substance, Alfie?

No, thanks. I'm trying to quit.

All right.

One hit.

And when Santa hits the gas
Man, just watch her peel *

It's the little St. Nick *

Little St. Nick *

It's the little St. Nick *

St. Nick *

Wa-ooh! *
( laughs )

Merry Christmas, St. Nick *

Christmas comes this time
Each year *

( song ends )

( Ann Peebles "I Can't Stand
the Rain" playing )

Just can't stand *

I can't stand the rain *

Against my window *

( laughing )

Bringing back sweet memories *

There's an expression
the Yanks use:

"Go with the flow."

So, yeah, I got a dose
of the holiday blues.

But when a girl
of this mind-blowing caliber

invites you to a party,

it's time to get going
and start flowing.

( giggles )

Maybe it's the late hour.

Maybe it's
the heavily spiked eggnog.

I don't see why--

Maybe it was simply
a mutual desperate desire

to have ourselves
a merry little Christmas.

Whatever the reason, hooking up
has never gone more swimmingly,

and I find myself

saying something
highly out of character:

I'm renovating my apartment
on the Upper West Side.

But, say, you could...

...crash at my sublet,
if you want.

See you through
the holidays.

That sounds inviting.

Moonlight is shining *

Snow is falling down *

ALFIE:
And so it came to pass,
that after all those years,

little Alfred finally got
what he wanted for Christmas.

( band playing "In the Cool,
Cool, Cool of the Evening" )

In the cool, cool, cool
Of the evening *

Tell them I'll be there *

ALFIE: The 12 days of Christmas
were flying by

at a surrealistic pace.

Yeah, it's been quite the ride.

( bright rock theme playing )

The package was irresistible.

A showstopper with
a new-school brand of sexiness.

Who wouldn't get off on the way
she makes heads turn?

Plus, we have
so much in common.

She's sweet...

NIKKI:
Adore you.

...fun, original, exciting,

full of surprises.

Oh, and did I mention,
she makes a cracking good bed.

I began to wonder,

could this be the one...

( crowd chanting ):
Nine...eight...seven...six...

ALFIE:...
who finally holds my attention?

CROWD:...
three, two, one!

NIKKI: Happy New Year!

( cheering )

( music stops )

( slurring ):
Happy New Year!

( guffawing )

ALFIE:
In every doomed relationship,

there comes what I like to call

Whooo!

"the uh-oh moment."

When a certain
little something happens,

and you know
you've just witnessed

the beginning of the end.

And suddenly you stop
and you think,

"Uh-oh, iceberg ahead."

With Nikki, that was the first
of many "uh-oh" moments.

It began with petty arguments.

( Nikki screams )

Followed by random bouts
of melancholia.

Major highs and manic lows.

This girl never knows
when she's had one too many.

And there had been
constant displays

of erratic, reckless behavior.

And thank you, no.
No, I did not have insurance.

But whenever I begin to feel
there's little reason to go on,

I'm reminded that we still have
one very major thing in common.

If only she didn't insist
on smoking before,

after...

and during.

What time are you
gonna be home, honey?

Hear that?

"What time are you gonna
be home, honey?"

That's dangerously close
to wife-speak to me.

Because I'm making something
really special for din-din.

( whispers ):
Din-din?

I'll call later.

Listen, are you sure

you don't think that color's
a little bit intense?

I think you're
a little bit intense.

Careful, because you've
got paint all over your hands.

I mean...

Plus, you're wearing
my favorite shirt

to paint the house in, Nik.

Don't-- ( groans )

Sorry, baby.

I gotta run.

No, I've gotta run.

I bet that I can make it
worth your while to stay.

I'm sure you can.
But you know what?

I've got that meeting,
haven't I?

( whispers ):
Yeah.

You know you're in trouble

when a sight like that
can't keep you planted.

When I was a boy
at St. Alban's Secondary School,

the school took us
on this cultural trip

to observe art
at one of the, um--

One of those big famous
London museums.

Anyway, when I was there,

I came across this statue
of a Greek goddess in marble.

Aphrodi-- Aphrodiddy,
something like that.

Beautiful, she was.

Perfect female form.

Chiseled features.

Exquisite.

I stood in awe of her.

Finally, the teacher
calls us all over,

and I'm walking past it,
and on the way

I notice in the side
of this Greek goddess,

all these cracks,
chips, imperfections.

Ruined her for me.

Well, that's Nikki.

A beautiful sculpture,

damaged in a way
you don't notice

till you get too close.

I lost the signal
for a second there.

But I don't know.

It's just a lot
of personal stuff going on.

You know what I mean?

Oh, I know.

Welcome, Mr. Elkins.
Good to see you, Elvis.

I hope you don't mind me
rambling on like this, do you?

Enjoy your evening, sir.
Thank you.

Mm. As you can see, the lad's
moving up in the world.

( laughs )

It's just
that I've got this friend

who's, let's say,
outstayed his welcome.

( chuckles )

Mmm. Absolutely right.

It's a lot tougher getting
them out than getting them in.

I like that.

You'll never guess
who I'm dropping in on now.

I wouldn't have believed it
myself a couple of weeks ago.

LIZ: Why don't you
just try being honest,

and tell your friend

that the hotel
is under new management

and that they have
to vacate the premises.

You know what I mean.

That kimono does wonders
for your décolletage.

Big word.

Big décolletage.

( sighs )

( moans )

Why don't we have a drink

and you can tell me
the rest of your troubles.

Instead of me listening to hers.
That's a change.

You know, for someone
so very young,

you're terribly wise.

Secret admirer?

One of many.

You would never think of
bringing a girl flowers,

would you, Alfie?

It would only encourage them.

I'm gonna make us that drink.

What's your poison, sweetheart?

I'll have
a spot of whiskey, please.

Midleton Rare,
if you've got it.

I like dropping a fancy
brand name in now and again,

let her know she ain't
the only one been around.

Why not make this
an absinthe afternoon?

Brilliant.

No idea
what she's talking about.

You've had absinthe?

Not recently, no.

Remind me, what is it again?

The Green Fairy.

The French impressionists'
liquid drug of choice.

And I got you

some of those little
egg thingies you like so much.

Mmm!

Mmm! Mmm!

( "The Beat Goes On" by The
Buddy Rich Big Band playing )

I mention I like something once,

next thing I know,
I get it on a silver platter.

( humming )

La-di-da-di-da *

Charleston was once the rage
Uh-huh *

Perfect, huh?

Kind of pad I plan
to own myself one day.

Understated elegance
with just a touch of the trendy.

She's a regular fashionista.

You don't have to tell this one

which slingbacks
go with which frock.

Owns her own cosmetics company.

Empire, actually.

Started out doing facials
in a fancy salon.

Took a handful of mud,
mixed it with a dash of papaya,

put it on the market,
and bingo:

All this.

LIZ:
This stuff is so illegal.

I smuggled a whole batch
of it back from Prague

in Listerine bottles.

Grocery store's the super mart
Uh-huh *

Oh, I checked out
your business plan.

And?

I'm impressed.

You seem surprised.
Not at all.

Because underneath
all that bravado

beats the heart of a guy

who's a lot smarter
than he thinks he is,

but not nearly as cocky

as he'd like
everybody else to believe.

Drums keep pounding a rhythm
To the brain *

( Alfie laughs nervously )

What are we--?

What exactly
are we basing this on?

This insight into
my personality?

That it takes one
to know one.

What?

I was just wondering

if there's a clever little
tattoo artist out there

who could change
"Pablo" into "Alfie."

Here's to clever
little tattoo artists.

Whoo!

Jesus.

It made me feel
all warm going down.

Mmm. That's my job.

( whispers ):
You know what they say.

( whispers ):
What do they say?

Absinthe makes
the heart grow fonder.

Oh, great.

( whispers ):
Check this out.

Hmm?

Have a look
at the size of this tub.

She's had two husbands,
both croaked,

and I have a feeling
this was the scene of the crime.

Come on, baby,
let's get wet.

If she keeps this up,

we're gonna be updating
that tattoo of hers

a lot sooner than she thinks.

( distant applause, cheering )

ALFIE:
Remember how little Alfred

finally got
what he wanted for Christmas?

Be careful what you wish for.

( syrupy orchestral music
playing on TV )

MAN:
Play something else.

Hi.

Dozed off?

Yeah.

I tried
waiting up for you.

Your meeting ran late, huh?
Very. I'm knackered.

And wet.

But...

...I do want us to have
a little chat, Nikki.

Okay.

Sure.

Why don't we talk over
a midnight snack.

I made roast beef
and Yorkshire pudding.

That was your favorite
as a young lad, right?

And check the place out,
if you please.

Your little girl
worked her fanny off.

I noticed.
It looks brilliant.

Really smashing.

So, Nik--

Alfie, I've been thinking.

Will you look at these
cute little potatoes?

Okay.

I know I have been
a real handful lately.

I don't know,

I think it has to do a lot
with me feeling displaced...

...and not totally trusting.

Sweetie, cutting to the chase.

I am gonna do better.

I promise.

I am gonna take my medication
religiously from now on.

And everything,

everything,

is gonna be easy and breezy.

Sound good? Honey?

So come, come and sit.

A feast awaits.

I already ate, Nik.

Of course.

No worries, we'll have
leftovers.

I can whip up

a little corned beef hash
for brunch.

What's the matter, Alfie?

Nothing. I just...

I've got a lot on my mind and...

I'm feeling a bit--

What?

Cold? Distant? Remote? What?

Oh, Nik, this is
a complete drag.

Everything happened so quickly.

I'm not the best
at this sort of thing.

What sort of thing?

I...

...don't know exactly
how to say it.

Sure you do, Alfie.

You've had plenty
of experience dumping girls.

Don't worry.

I'm already gone.

( tender theme playing )

ALFIE: Strange.

But even when you know
it has to end...

when it finally does...

you always get
that inevitable twinge:

Have I done the right thing?

I must admit...

I do miss the companionship.

( coughs )

Nikki was a showstopper.

But as me ugly old Aunt Gladys
used to say...

..."Looks aren't everything."

I used to think that was
a load of bollocks,

but just lately
I've been thinking...

maybe the old bat
had something.

( sniffs )

Julie?

Alfie, hi.

What a surprise.

God, I haven't seen you since...
Uh-huh. Yeah.

You look--
You look amazing.

Thanks. You too.
You look good too.

I'm getting over a cold.

( sniffs )

But you're okay otherwise?
I'm fine.

I'm always fine.
Yeah.

It's good to see you.

And you.

Hey, you know, I was...

I'm sorry about
what happened between us.

And I'm sorry how
it all ended up. It wasn't--

It wasn't good.

I felt bad about not seeing Max

and about not seeing you.

It's water under the bridge.

Good.

You know...

I'm wondering...

Maybe we...

You know I can never
promise anything.

But if you want, if you like,

maybe we could
see each other again.

It would be okay by me.

It would be
more than okay,

it would be great.

Alfie, I--

Yeah?

This is Adam.

Hey, how are you?

Hey, how you doing, Adam?

Pretty good.

Adam.
Yeah.

It was great
running into you.

You look fantastic.

Thanks.

What time is it?
I've gotta go.

I'm late for a meeting.
Nice to meet you, Adam.

( Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart's
"Let's Make It Up" playing )

In your attitude
And the way you move *

If you won't change your mind *

Julie?

How's Max?

Oh, really good.

Will you say hi?

Sure.

Or not.

Be well.

Just you wait and see
Yeah *

Let's make it up
Let's make it up now *

Let's make it up
Let's make it up now *

Let's make it up
Let's make sweet love now *

Or we'll be sorry *

For the rest of our lives *

It's just a little meditation *

On the future
And on the past *

'Cause you've always been
My inspiration *

Hello.

Hello.

( sobbing )

Mrs. Wing, is everything--?

Wing.

( The Righteous Brothers'
"Unchained Melody" playing )

Why are you crying?

I'm not crying. Get out.

You sure?

I'm fine. Get out, Alfie.

I'm sorry. I just wanted to see
if I could borrow a car.

She leave me.

Sorry?

Blossom leave me.

Blossom?

Is that your wife's name,
Blossom?

What I do wrong, Alfie?
Love her?

Look, mate. Come on,
you can win her back.

Woo her. Send flowers
and chocolates.

Write a poem.

That what you do?

Well, actually, no,
I've never done that,

but it may be
a way to go.

What rhyme with Blossom?

I would try "awesome."

Okay.

( sweet theme playing )

LONETTE:
You never cease to amaze.

ALFIE:
Hey.

Great to see you too, Lon.

I guess I should have rung.

Hey, Sam.

Well, that would have
been a plan.

Well, you know, I'm sorry,
it was just...

It's nice.

Look, Lonette...

This is so uncomfortable,
I know. Because--

You don't have to whisper.
Marlon's not here.

ALFIE: I really
miss you both.

And I just wondered, maybe...

Maybe me and you could
put it all behind us,

pretend like it never happened,

and then move forward, you know?

I just--

( baby crying )

You know, Alfie...

...dropping by

wasn't a good idea.

You two didn't have a baby.

You did have a baby.

No, you were right
the first time.

ALFIE: Thinking back
to that day at the clinic,

I remember
trying to look in Lon's eyes

to see if I could
even begin to understand

what she was going through,

and how she
wouldn't look at me.

And I think I knew then.

I just didn't want
to admit it to myself.

So classically...

...I said nothing.

I knew there was
a good chance the baby...

...could be Marlon's.

At least, I hoped.

This is a lot...

...for me to, um...

( quietly ):
I...

( tender theme playing )

( coos )

( sighs )

Marlon stayed.

For now.

Is there anything
I can do?

What are you gonna do, Alfie?

( melancholy theme playing )

( chuckles )

( vehicle approaching )

( vehicle stops )

Hey.

You know, I never...

I never meant--

You never mean to hurt anybody.

But you do, Alfie.

( Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart's
"Blind Leading the Blind"
playing )

You are the sharpest knife *

You are the finest blade *

You are the shining sun *

Everybody in your shade *

So funny to you *

Drippin' honey
From your tongue *

But you'd never know
What's waiting for you *

When your day is done *

There is a sadness *

Burning in your bones *

A twisting track now *

You are forced to go *

You need the hand
Of friendship *

To steady up your heart *

So hang onto me closely *

And I'll show you
Down to the bends *

Like the blind *

Leading the blind *

Asking me why *

You won't let the love in *

Oh *

Like the blind *

Leading the blind *

Only to find *

You're feeling like nothing *

Nothing, yeah *

ALFIE: I felt I needed a friend
to talk to.

Problem was, they were suddenly
in short supply.

Um, I don't remember. I don't
remember being in the car.

I just-- I just--
I was stopped.

And I'm crying.

Crying for the little one?
I don't know exactly.

Maybe for him.

Mostly, I think,
for me.

And Marlon.

I never had anybody look at me
quite like that before.

And believe me, I've had some--
Some looks that could kill.

He stood by Lonette.
I could've never, ever--

You don't know what you'll do
till you really love someone.

( sighs )

Well, now what?

You gonna shoehorn yourself
into the situation?

No.

You did the only thing
you could do.

You behaved
like a gentleman.

I've never been accused
of that before.

Don't get
all choked up.

You also
behaved like

a scheming,
backstabbing,

so-low-you-can-look-up-
a-snake's-asshole

son of a bitch.

Next time,
think before unzipping.

It's all right.
You screwed up.

So, what are you
gonna do, huh?

Run to the bridge?

The question is...

...what's gonna happen
with the rest of your life?

( sighs )

( melancholy theme playing )

I'd be lying if I didn't admit
the events of the past few weeks

have knocked me
for a bit of a loop.

( horn honking )

All right, all right, all right.

Hello, mate.

And what can we do
for you this evening?

How much are one of those?
Five-fifty.

And you'll need to put them
in water immediately.

Right.
I'll have that.

Second thought.

Actually, this is--
This is sort of a special thing.

And what's
the occasion?

Say again?

Proposal?

No. No, no.

Well, I do want to
extend an offer

to maybe
have a go at it

for a bit,

give us a spin,
that kind of thing.

I get it.
Commitment issues.

Tell me what she,
or he, is like,

and we'll find
the appropriate bloom.

Well, she is...

You know what,
she's...adventurous.

Ah!

Frivole.

And very, uh, sexy.

I'm thinking Dolce Vita.

A little mischievous.

You know, cheeky?

Avalanche.

With a touch of mio amore.

And then, under it all, she's--
She's just--

She's just
kind of...sweet.

( brassy theme playing )

Liz?

LIZ: Hello?

It's me, my love.

Hey!
Hey.

I didn't expect
to see you tonight.

I thought
you were working.

I had a cancellation.
Oh.

So I took
the night off.

Listen, I thought we should get
up early, get out of the city,

go to the country
and see if we can stay

at that B & B
you're always on about.

Oh, honey, I'd love to,
but I can't.

I have an investors' breakfast
in the morning.

But how about on the weekend?
Brilliant.

Yep?
Better.

All right.
I thought you may--

( gasps )
( laughs )

Oh, my God.

No. Alfie.
Mm.

Oh, what
a sweet gesture.

Milady.

Mm.

They're not out of
some plastic bucket, all right?

No.
I handpicked, like, every bud.

I can see that.

And apparently, I have a bit of
a flair for flower arranging.

I'm impressed.
Really, I--

I mean, wow! Talk about
being blown away. I--

Good.
Mission accomplished.

I like
surprising you.

Well, you certainly
have done that.

All right, then.

Well, you're up early,
so I'm off.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna see
you tomorrow night?

Yeah.

When we-- When we speak,
there's some things--

Or something I really wanna
talk to you about.

What, honey?

I'm gonna wait for
the exact perfect moment,

and... that's all
I'll say.

Okay.

I'll ring you in the morning.

Oh, and, Alfie, thank you
for the flowers, really.

They made my evening.

Really?

In that case...

maybe I'll stay.

( whispers ):
I don't--

No, it's not
a good idea.

There's a guy in there,
isn't there?

God!

Go.

Don't do this.

What's he got?

Better than me?

Alfie, please.

Tell me. Please?

Really, I would like to know.
What's he got? Tell me.

I want to know
what he's got.

Please tell me.

Come on. Come on.
Come on, just tell me.

Just tell me.
Come on.

( yells ):
What's he got better than me?

He's younger
than you.

( melancholy theme playing )

ALFIE: "He's younger than you."

I've gotta admit,
I didn't see it coming.

( sighs )

She caught me off-guard,
all right.

You couldn't tell, though,
could you?

As you've learned by now,

I'm rather skilled
at hiding my feelings.

You see, the thing
with feelings is

they have this quiet way
of sneaking up on you

when you least expect it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like with Liz.

Who would've thought,
of all the women I've known...

...the one
I let my guard down with

delivers the knockout punch.

Ironic.

Calendar word.

Dorie.

Hi.
Hello, Alfie.

I haven't seen you
in ages.

Maybe because
you stopped calling.

I know.

Things were getting
a bit too--

Don't bother explaining.
I'm way past needing excuses.

All right. No, you know what?
I want to explain.

What? You had your fill of me?

Someone cuter came along?
I don't need to hear it, Alfie.

Look, Dorie--
Really.

Look, Dorie...

What happens
with me is--

I don't know, I get--

When it gets too--

Not close
but something like that,

I start to feel--

Not stifled, not trapped,
but something like that.

And I-- And...

You know?
You know what I mean?

Did that make--?

Did that make any sense?

I think it has to make sense to
you more than me at this point.

Yeah, fair enough.

I need to go.
He'll be waiting for me.

Dorie.

I'm sorry.

Good luck, Alfie.

I warned them all
from the beginning.

I always said something
along the lines of,

"I must advise you,

"I am stamped with
an invisible warning.

Will not commit.
Will never marry."

Despite my best efforts,

I'm beginning
to feel some small cracks

in my faux finish.

You know, when I look back
on my little life,

and all the women I've known...

...I can't help
but think about...

...all that they've done
for me...

...and how little
I've done for them.

How they looked after me,
cared for me,

and I repaid them
by never returning the favor.

Yeah.

I used to think I had
the best end of the deal.

What have I got?

Really?

Some money in my pocket.

Some nice threads.

Fancy car at my disposal.

And I'm single.

Yeah.

Unattached. Free as a bird.

I don't depend on nobody.

Nobody depends on me.

My life's my own.

But I don't have peace of mind.

And if you don't have that,
you've got nothing.

So...

So, what's the answer?

That's what
I keep asking myself.

What's it all about?

You know what I mean?

( Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart's
"Old Habits Die Hard" playing )

Old habits die hard *

Old soldiers
Just fade away *

Old habits die hard *

Hard enough
To feel the pain *

I thought
I shook myself free *

You see, I bounce back
Quicker than most *

But I'm half-delirious *

It's too mysterious *

You walk through my walls
Like a ghost *

And I take every day
At a time *

I'm proud as a lion
In its lair *

Now there's no denying it *

And no decrying it *

You're all tangled up
In my hair *

Old habits die hard *

Old soldiers
Just fade away *

Old habits die hard *

Harder than November rain *

Old habits die hard *

Old soldiers *

Just fade away *

Old habits die hard *

Hard enough to feel the pain *

We haven't spoken in months *

You see, I've been
Counting the days *

I dream of such inanities *

Such insanities *

I'm lost like a kid in a maze *

But I've never taken
Your calls *

You see, I put the block
On my phone *

I act like an addict *

I've just got to have it *

I never can leave it alone *

Yeah *

Old habits die hard *

Old soldiers
Just fade away *

Old habits die hard *

Hard enough
To feel the pain *

Old habits die hard *

Old soldiers
Just fade away *

( Joss Stone's "Alfie" playing )

Oooh, oooh, oooh *

Oh, yeah *

What's it all about, Alfie? *

Is it just *

For the moment we live? *

What's it all about *

When you sort it out, Alfie? *

Are we meant to take more *

Than we give *

Or are we meant to be kind? *

And if only fools
Are kind, Alfie *

Then I guess
It is wise to be cruel *

And if life belongs
Only to the strong, Alfie *

What will you lend
On an old golden rule? *

As sure as I believe *

There's a heaven above, Alfie *

I know there's something
Much more *

Something even non-believers *

Can believe in *

I believe in love, Alfie *

Without true love
We just exist, Alfie *

Until you find the love
You've missed *

You're nothing, Alfie *

Oooh, oh, oh, Alfie *

When you walk *

Let your heart lead the way *

And you'll find love any day *

What's it all about? *

( smooth jazz theme playing )