Original subtitles

Previously on Georgie & Mandy's First Marriage...

You are not gonna believe this.

That was Channel Nine.

They just offered me a job.

You want me to chase a tornado, I will chase a tornado.

Short skirt, lot of wind- that'll give us some ratings.

As a woman, I would never ask you to exploit your sexuality.

-Thank you. -But if you wanted to,

I'd be very okay with it.

We'll climb back into the low 70s

-Saturday and Sunday... -Can you believe that's who they replaced me with?

Thanks for watching.

I'm Kelli with an "I,"

and that eye is on your weather.

She kind of looks like you.

No, she doesn't.

* *

I'm Kelli with an "I,"

and that eye is on your weather.

That ain't Mandy.

-I know. -Oh.

So you're watching her competition?

Kelli's cute and she wasn't mean to me as a kid.

Well, still, we should probably switch to your sister.

Mandy's not gonna know who we watched.

That's true. It's my house.

I can watch whatever I want.

Hey, y'all.

Hey! Just watching Mandy do the weather.

And that wraps up our seven-day forecast.

Stick around for Don with sports.

I know it's not football or baseball season,

but there's probably other sports. Don?

GEORGIE: Mr. McAllister,

were you ever a member of the chamber of commerce?

-No. Why? -I got an invitation

to a mixer for prospective members.

Oh. You gonna do it?

Seems like it could be a good thing for the store.

What's the chamber of commerce?

Oh, i-it's a organization of-of people

engaged in-in commerce

a-and...

And they-they- Well, they get together

in, uh... you know... (mutters)

...chamber.

So neither of you know.

-Not a clue. -Nope.

But I will let you know as soon as I get in.

Careful. This is how people get sucked into a cult.

Oh, it ain't a cult.

When your mother sold Tupperware, that was a cult.

(insects trilling)

"Chamber of commerce."

That sounds important.

Oh, it is. It's a big deal.

Are they the ones that wear the tiny hats with the tassels?

No, that's the Shriners.

Well, who-who drives all the little clown cars in the parade?

Also the Shriners.

Oh. Maybe you should join them.

You can fix all their tiny tires.

I like it.

Be good for business.

You know what they do?

Chamber of commerce?

Yeah, my barber's a member.

He says it's good for networking.

Wait, you have a barber?

Yeah.

He said the chamber does a lot of charity stuff,

sponsors community events.

But you're bald.

I'm not totally bald.

I get this shaved.

Why don't you shave it yourself?

You want to hear about the chamber of commerce or not?

Sorry. Go ahead.

Could help us get some new clients.

We'd be in their directory.

We'd get a plaque to put-

Hey, my eyes are down here.

So what do you say we go to this mixer,

do a little schmoozin'?

Hmm. I don't see the downside.

Great. Last question-

About the chamber of commerce or my head?

Never mind.

* *

(coos)

*

There's the lady who owns the pet store.

(chuckles softly)

And that's the guy who runs the barbecue place

with the awesome chili.

Oh. I love that chili.

He uses brisket instead of ground beef

-and- -Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't get starstruck.

Gentlemen. Jerry Clemons, Clemons Hardware.

Glad y'all came.

Georgie Cooper.

Ruben Alvarez.

We took over McAllister Auto.

Oh. Jim McAllister's old place.

I did hear that was under new management.

Newer, younger, better.

Just what people are saying.

Any questions?

A lot of people don't actually know

what we do here.

You're kidding.

Networking, charity, community outreach-

seems pretty obvious.

It did to me.

So, Jerry, what do we got to do to join?

Pretty simple. Just introduce yourselves around,

talk to the members.

If you want to be involved,

-we're happy to have you. -Great.

Usually meet the first Wednesday of every month.

That'll work. I mean, I've got a small child at home,

but my partner here's got nothing going on.

(chuckles) I got plenty going on.

Like what?

You don't know everything about me.

Let's not argue in front of Jerry. Okay?

-(chuckling) -All right, fellas.

We'll talk later.

Why do you put me down in front of other people?

-I wasn't putting you down. -Yes, you were.

Hey, how about after this,

I take you out for some of that chili?

That'd be nice. Thank you.

So me and Ruben raised the money from friends and family

and we bought the place.

ELEANOR: Impressive.

You don't look much older than my son.

-I'm 21. -21.

That would make you our youngest member.

I'd probably be your first Puerto Rican member.

That's my background. (chuckles softly)

A real-life immigrant success story.

Oh. Where were you born?

Here.

Well, it'd be great to have some fresh faces join us.

Don't get any fresher than this.

Or this. (chuckles)

Believe it or not,

he got a haircut for y'all.

What did we just talk about?

(insects trilling)

Jim, do you want to go to the nursery with me tomorrow?

I want to replant those azaleas.

You sure? Weather forecast said it looks like rain.

Aw. Sounds like somebody watched me.

It sure does.

-(door opens) -Hey. -Hey.

How was the mixer?

Great. You're looking at the youngest member ever

-of the Medford Chamber of Commerce. -(gasps)

Wow. Congratulations.

Before I got there, the youngest one was, like, 32.

Oh.

That's the same age as-

Watch it.

32 ain't old.

Everyone else there was, like, in their 50s.

Watch it.

Well, good for you, Georgie.

They loved me. One lady pinched my cheek

and called me plucky.

Careful. He does like older women.

Anyways, it got me thinking-

maybe there's a news story here.

You mean you?

It's pretty inspirational when you think about it.

Oh, honey, I'm really proud of you,

but I'm trying to do more edgy stories.

Didn't you just do one about a dog with wheels for hind legs?

Yeah. He bit a kid and rolled away.

Edgy.

I'm just saying, it's a great story-

a high school dropout making good.

Please don't go on TV and tell people

you're a high school dropout.

I ain't ashamed.

No, you really ain't.

Mandy said I wasn't newsworthy.

But on that Doogie Howser show, folks loved

that he was the youngest guy in his profession.

I never watched that show.

He was a doctor and a teenager.

He lost his first patient and his virginity on the same day.

Do you have a point?

Being young is a good story.

Newspeople did all kinds of stuff about Sheldon

when he was a kid.

He was a science genius.

And I'm a tire genius!

Mandy's not the only news lady in town.

There's that Kelli girl on Channel Seven.

I can't call her.

She's Mandy's competition.

I guess.

But if you called her...

Mandy'd be mad at me.

Not just a tire genius.

(insects trilling)

-Hey. How was work? -Good.

Look, just so you know,

I'm really sorry I couldn't help you out.

It's okay. And just so you know,

Channel Seven thinks I am a story.

-Excuse me? -Yeah. That Kelli girl said

it's perfect for her.

I'm sorry, Kelli?

Yeah. You know, with an "I."

Oh, I know Kelli with an "I."

I hate Kelli with an "I."

How does she know about you? Did you call her?

No, ma'am. I most certainly did not call her.

So Ruben called her.

Dang, you do have a nose for the news.

God, what the hell, Georgie?

How would you feel if I bought tires from Fagenbacher?

I'd feel like you're throwing your money away

'cause you get a family discount with me.

That is not the point!

She's just trying to embarrass me.

I came to you first.

You said no.

You are not doing that interview.

(scoffs) You can't stop me.

You know what?

You're right.

You do whatever you want.

It's your decision.

(chuckles softly)

Okay, she may have stopped me.

Mandy would do whatever she wanted if she thought

it was good for her career.

Would, has, will again.

So she can't be mad if I do the interview?

Can, will, gonna be.

See, stuff like this is the reason why I'm not married.

No. The reason you're not married

is no one wants to marry you.

So what should I do?

Well, before I fight with Audrey,

I always ask myself,

is it worth it?

I've heard you fight about pillows on the bed.

There's too many.

Throw pillows, shams- I don't know what's going on.

Well, a news story is free advertising,

so, yeah, it's worth it.

And for your information, there were two girls

-who wanted to marry me. -What happened?

They found out about each other.

If this front continues,

we can expect rain all weekend.

I would be the father of her children.

This is normally the time when I do my "Eye on Medford" segment

where we focus on folks in the community,

but unfortunately we had a last-minute cancellation.

Apparently, our guest is married to the weather girl

on our rival station

and she told him he wasn't allowed to do it.

(chuckles softly) I don't want to name names,

but she's on Channel Nine.

Oh, no.

Oh, no?

How about "Oh, baby"?

MANDY: What the hell, Georgie?!

You told Kelli I wouldn't let you do it?

You wouldn't let me do it.

Well, she didn't need to know that.

I didn't know she was gonna blab it on TV.

Do you know how this makes me look?

I do, but now does not seem like the time to say it.

You could've said you were sick or busy or anything else.

All I did was tell the truth.

Can you give us some privacy?

I've heard y'all fight before. It's fine.

-Dad... -Well, I'm hungry.

This is where the food is.

You didn't want me to do the interview.

I didn't do it. You're welcome.

She embarrassed me on television.

Nah, she didn't even say your name.

So you watched her?

I probably snack too much.

(knocking)

You wanted to see me?

Close the door.

(chuckles softly)

So I-I guess you saw what Kelli said.

Sure did.

Well, I just want you to know that I will rise above this.

Unlike her,

I can behave in a professional manner.

Why on earth would you do that?

(chuckles): Wait, what?

This is ratings gold. Hit back.

Get down in the mud and roll around with that skank.

Uh, but if I say something,

won't she just swing back harder?

Do you not know how feuds work?

(chuckles) No, I mean, of course I do.

-I made a lot of girls cry in my heyday. -Hmm.

Girls who look like you always do.

Thank you.

(insects trilling)

That storm front petered out. Looks like

it'll be a beautiful weekend for folks

to catch up on some gardening.

So get out there with a watering can, a rake,

and, like that bimbo who does the weather for Channel Seven,

a hoe.

I raised her better than this.

If it helps, you knocked it out of the park with me.

So, Kelli with an "I,"

I'll make a deal with you-

you don't talk about my marriage

and I won't talk about your nose job.

For Channel Nine News, I'm Mandy McAllister.

And this...

is my real nose.

Pretty mean.

You know what they say-

do what you love,

never work a day in your life.

MANDY: When we went to commercial,

the whole crew applauded.

Good for you.

You know, after all that trash talk I did in high school,

it is nice to know I still got it.

Ain't you worried that Kelli's gonna swing back?

Oh, let her.

I found the yearbook picture with her old nose.

You could've vacuumed the floor with that thing.

Man, I'm glad I didn't know you in high school.

Yeah, with that accent, I would've torn you apart.

You know, this is good for Kelli, too.

It's like Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding.

I mean, nobody cared about ice-skating

until those two started going at each other.

Didn't one of 'em break the other one's kneecap?

Yeah. And we're still talking about it.

Check it out.

-We're official. -(chuckles)

Nice.

We're not really going to those meetings, are we?

Nah. We got the plaque hanging up. We're good.

Hey, welcome to McAllister-

Oh.

I was hoping we could talk.

Wow. You're even prettier in person.

I have a boyfriend.

Could have two.

Look, I-I know you and my wife are having a thing,

but I don't want to be a part of it.

I understand.

I come in peace.

Okay. So...

I know I fired the first shot.

I was angry you canceled last-minute.

I told him not to.

Does he listen to me?

-Dude. -I did.

Don't you have work to do?

Fine, but we're talking about this later.

Look, I would really just like this to be over.

Why ain't you saying this to Mandy?

Honestly, she's a little scary.

I heard she punched a woman in church.

Oh. That.

So it's true?

Yeah. But it's Texas.

I've been punched in church.

Doesn't matter.

I just worry she and I are setting a bad example.

Women shouldn't be tearing each other down.

We should be lifting each other up.

Amen, sister.

(door opens)

Did you watch Kelli?

No, Georgie made us watch you.

Don't worry. We taped it.

Oh, good. Put her on.

I want to see what she said about me.

Maybe she found out you wore a helmet as a baby.

You did?

It's not her fault her head was pointy.

I had a petite pelvis.

Before I get to tonight's weather,

I'd like to address some of the comments

made about me by my competitor.

I don't want to personally attack other women

to advance my career.

But then, I guess,

as the number one weather personality in Medford,

I don't have to.

No one tape over this.

Besides, I wouldn't want to pick a fight with someone

who once punched a woman in church.

How does she know that?

Did you tell her?

Sorta. She tricked me.

Wait, you punched someone in church?

She deserved it. She was kissing Georgie.

Wh-Why were you kissing someone?

She kissed me!

Wait, Kelli didn't kiss you, did she?

No.

That's too bad. I could've used that.

What is happening to this family?

You know what, I'll just say she did.

Who's gonna know?

Hello.

Oh. Hi.

(chuckles) Don't worry.

I'm not here to start anything.

At least not until I've had my coffee. (chuckles softly)

So...

what do you want?

Well, I just saw you here and I thought maybe I'd say hey.

It's a lot harder to be mean to somebody that you know.

Is it?

I don't know. It's a thing people say.

And just so you know,

I was never actually gonna show any pictures of your old nose.

Really? 'Cause someone mailed in

baby pictures of you in a helmet.

Wow.

Maybe we are setting a bad example.

(sighs) Should we call a truce?

Yeah, I guess.

It was kind of fun, though. (chuckles)

And the weather is so boring.

It's rainy, it's sunny, ugh.

And being catty really brought me back to high school.

(scoffs) Me, too.

It's like riding a bike, isn't it?

You know, it doesn't have to end.

It has been good for ratings.

Mm-hmm. I mean, maybe we should give the people what they want.

So we'll keep it going?

Done.

We probably shouldn't be seen

-hanging out like this. -Oh.

I can fix that.

I came here to bury the hatchet

and you insult my baby daughter?

-What?! -That's low.

You mention my kid again

and you're gonna need another nose job.

I hear you and Kelli got in a fight at a coffee shop.

Yeah. But don't worry- I won.

Oh, honey, you got to save that stuff for on-air.

Quit giving away the milk. We got a cow to sell.

Right. L-Look, I-I have been digging up some dirt.

I got some pretty juicy leads.

Lay it on me.

Uh, she takes ballet,

so I think I can call her an exotic dancer

without getting sued.

That's messed up.

I like it.

-What else you got? -Okay,

her mother is in a women's prison in Arkansas.

-You're kidding. -Well, it's assisted living,

but there are locks on the door, so...

Great. And just so we know,

is there anything she can dig up on you that's damning?

Hmm. Um...

You're working for a guy you used to sleep with.

-What's all this stuff? -They're counterfeits.

We're selling 'em for a bundle to desperate mothers.

I'm not handling any money.

I just take bets for her when Dale's home.

That's still illegal.

(chuckles softly) Clean as a whistle.

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