Original subtitles

Day Seven of the Senuous Toned to 10K challenge!

It's like Couch to 5k, but for people

who weren't that far off anyway.

And I've just smashed 7K!

CAR STEREO BOOMS

This programme contains some strong language

..Sake!

So, Day Seven of the Senuous

Toned to 10K challenge...

..and I've just smashed 7k,

so you'll have to excuse my appearance.

WOMAN CHATTERS IN BACKGROUND What a mess! Um, now,

I was expecting, at this stage of

my fitness... Yeah, totally.

Look, I think

there's a way round this, but we'll just have to see if Malcolm... Um...

Hi. Hang on...

Hello. Sorry, you're actually in my shot there. ..I'll call you back.

I'm in your what? I'm filming here, so... Oh, right!

Can I be in it? Well, you ARE in it. That's the prob...the, um, issue.

So if you wouldn't mind just backing up a bit,

that would be really helpful.

Sorry, you want me to move my car cos you're taking a selfie?

It's not. It's actually content for actual...content.

Right, that's not a sentence.

And, er, it's a free country, so I'm just going to... Yeah.

It's just this particular bit of free country's already in use,

and there's an even free-er bit about ten yards that way, so...

I was here first, so... No, I've just run 7K

to get to this exact... No, no, you haven't, you haven't.

You started there, didn't you? Where your fake sweat is, I think, there?

That is... OK. Hey. You all right? Yeah.

No, actually, I'm... I'm just dropping off... Of course, you two

don't, um...

Abs, this is Amanda, my upstairs neighbour.

Amanda - Abs, my, um...

Ned's mum. JJ's wife.

Yeah. Boots. Oh... Nice.

Oh, and he left his shin pads at school. Right.

Well, that puts a face to the name...

..for us both! Mm-hm. And you know what?

Don't worry about the car. Just leave it there.

I absolutely will. Yeah. Do. Please.

Have a great day, yeah?

Yeah. You have a great day, yeah?

Thanks, you too. Will do.

Hey, be lucky! I will.

You take care. Thanks. Take care.

Take care. Take care. DOOR SLAMS

SHE SIGHS

Wow!

And I'm looking for

a one-million-pound investment, in return

for a 5% stake in my company.

Right. That's not really how this... I am prepared to go to 6%.

Shall we start over, yeah? OK.

OK, so what's the money for?

To buy a bigger house. Right.

Then it's a mortgage you're after.

I'm a business manager, so I'll have to refer you...

No, no, it is for my business.

So, Senuous operates in the aspirational end of

the lifestyle content space, so it's vital that I, as CEO,

look like someone who lives in a large house.

So you'd like a business loan to buy the sort of house

you want people to think you own?

That's so well put.

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's not something we can help with.

So you're saying...you're out?

Um, I mean, what we could potentially do is give you

a personal loan... OK. ..based on your salary

from...Kitchen and Bathroom...Kitchens? Right.

So centred more on my collab.

And how much would that be?

We could do �3,000.

Can I take a moment? Sure.

SHE SIGHS

SHE WHISPERS

OK, Aiden...

..we'd like to accept your offer.

Oh...

Congratulations. Thank you?

Thank you.

Oi! Come on, ref!

That was clearly a foul!

MAN: That was a dive! Get up!

Right, Mum? 100%! That could have been a goal.

In fact, I'm going to call that a goal. Exactly. 1-0!

Huh? Go, Darius! CAR ALARM WAILS

Not again!

Bloody car alarm! It keeps doing this.

Right, I'm going to call Della.

Hey, how's she getting on? All right, I think.

I mean, if you've got to take a corporate gig, there's worse than

cruising round Hawaii for three months. And it's keeping

our heads above water, so... Not if the ship sinks!

CHUCKLING Sorry, no.

Hello? Morning, Dels! Yeah, it's evening here, actually,

right in the middle of service. ..Where's my lamb?! Coming, Chef!

Right, it's just that the car alarm keeps being weird again...

Hey. Sorry we're late.

Big day at Senuous.

It's really blowing up.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry. No, that's a good thing, Anne. OK. Aw!

Look at Darius and Georgie!

Yeah. I'm so glad they patched things up. Yeah.

They're like the club's own little power couple.

Like, er, Brangelina or something! Mm, mm!

Georgius. Dari-orgie!

Ooh! No, sorry, that sounds... So, yeah, Senuous has attracted

some major Chinese investors.

Ooh! A banking corporation based out of Hong-Kong/Shanghai.

You mean HSBC?

WHISPERING: I don't think people call it that.

Anyway, I'm going to invest in a laptop and some proper

studio lights. Mm, yeah. Illuminate to accumulate, as they say.

Hmm. Good news, Anne. Della's up for Wednesday.

Great. What's this? Oh, um, I'm helping the PTA with Careers Week.

Ah! Yeah. Della's going to talk to Year 11 about being a chef,

live from her ship. Ah! Like Tim Peake!

Oh, unless it's something that you would like to...?

No. No, no, no, no. I'm keeping my powder dry for Ted, thank you.

Ted who? TED Talks.

Yeah, I pitched a TED-X-SoHa,

so...watch this space.

Yeah. It makes sense. Mm.

I mean, it'll probably be a bit dull, anyway. It's just parents

gabbing on about gardening and accountancy, and then me

trying to make curing malaria not sound like a total snoozefest.

Awful! I want to make Chemistry sexy again. Hashtag chemsex! Ha!

You should really Google "chemsex" before you start

writing anything, Anne. OK. REFEREE'S WHISTLE BLOWS

Oh. All right, come on, then, kids. Well played, guys!

Hey, neighbour. Hey.

That was nice earlier.

Meeting Abs.

Finally! Oh...

Jesus! Yeah.

Such a strong character.

Really...candid, confident.

Quite...forthright.

Ah-ha. Ha-ha! What?

It's fine, Amanda.

I think the feeling was mutual. Oh!

What did she say about me?

Uh...nothing, really.

Well, she clearly said something. I wouldn't worry about it.

Oh, come on, Mal. I'm a big girl, I can take it. No, it's not a big

deal, you know, you've just met someone... If she said something,

I'd like to... Mal! She thought you were shallow.

SHE SCOFFS

God's sake! Where is this

bloody football boot?! Someone might have nicked it, you know.

What, one boot? Well, you do get perverts.

Hey, girlies!

So... Hi. ..finally met the famous Abs.

Oh! She seems... So great. Mm-hm. So much fun. Yeah.

Yes. No, she's good people. Yeah.

She's quite full-on, though, don't you think?

Oh, she doesn't suffer fools gladly. Uh-huh, right, yeah.

She's only just been let back onto the sidelines. No?

She called the last ref an "eff-ing C". What?!

Yeah, that's what I think I meant, like, judgmental.

Yeah, but he WAS an eff-ing C... Right. ..just nobody else

had the balls to say it. Right.

She says it like it is. That's what I like about her.

Oh, same. Yeah.

Yeah. Same.

Mm. Yeah...

Oh! Almost forgot. I heard the craziest thing the other day.

I thought, Anne and Fi will laugh at this. I laughed, actually.

It's not funny, ha-ha, it's more

funny, not peculiar-funny, ridiculous, you know? Cos...

It's... OK.

You guys don't think I'm shallow, do you?

THEY LAUGH No? No!

No, and that, that is, um... Yeah.

I know! That is... That is really funny... I know!

..because it's the total opposite, yes! It's crazy!

Yeah, I know, so absolutely... No, 100%, not at all.

Yeah. No, I told you it was...

Yeah. Thanks, Anne. Yeah.

Yeah.

Why would you say that? She is SO shallow.

I'm not going to say that to her, though, am I?

You can't just confront someone like Amanda with reality.

Cos, like, you know, anything could happen... Oh!

Call off the pervert search!

Found the shoe!

Eh, thank you, Sophia! Mal, how bad would it be

if I dropped out...of doing my accountancy talk for Careers Week?

Why would you do that?

School wasn't a great time for me.

I was a bit bullied by the, er, cool, confident kids. Ha!

No offence. Literally none taken. Just the idea of, erm, getting up

in front of an entire class is... It's the whole year group, mate.

Oh, God! Listen, my talk's Monday morning.

Why don't you come along to that, watch?

You'll see there's nothing to worry about.

Thanks, Mal, that's a great idea.

Yeah. Yeah, it's nothing. Yeah.

Yeah. J? Hmm? It's going to be all right, man.

You're one of the cool kids now. Yeah.

MAL LAUGHS

Darling, we're running low on gin again.

Hmm? You know, I think this cheap stuff can evaporate. Yeah,

that's what it is.

Oh, look, Mummy!

It's from my Hong Kong/Shanghai investment.

Mm-hm. God, it's actually a bargain for 3K.

Well, hopefully, it'll improve your contents.

Content.

Oh! This place is boobytrapped.

Manus! You almost killed Gan-Gan.

What? Sorry, Mummy, it's

a birthday present from Johnny.

Birthday? Yes.

He was 14 on Friday. You said you'd got him a present.

Yes, I have, it's in my bag.

Honestly, Manus, you can't just leave your stuff all lying around.

We all have to live here.

OK, this must be the spotlight.

Mummy, do you think I'm shallow?

No, of course not!

No, darling, you come from a long line of very caring,

considerate and thoughtful women.

Thanks, Mummy. Manus...

Manus! Huh?

Little something from the Bank of Gan-Gan.

Happy Birthday, darling. Wow!

Thank you so much, Gan-Gan!

Mm! Don't spend it all on vapes. How do you even cash this?

So, I get to work out in nature and be my own boss.

And if I want to save for a big holiday or something,

I can just take on some new clients

and cut back a few more privets.

Which also means I can genuinely

tell people that I manage a hedge fund.

LAUGHTER

Er, great stuff there from Ned's dad.

Er, any questions?

Yes. How much money do you make?

No. We don't ask that,

as I said. Er, yes, mate?

Yeah, did you know your flies are undone?

LAUGHTER Oh.

Zip! LAUGHTER

Flasher! Yeah, all right. Er, any questions more related to wood?

LAUGHTER Trees! Trees.

OK, yes, thank you. Settle down...

Hey! I missed a call from you. What's up?

Yeah, is there a way to have the heating on, but not as hot?

Er, yeah, just, er, change the thermostat. The what?

Do you know what, I'll change it on the app, OK? I'll do it.

OK. Love you, bye-bye. Bye! Love you.

Hey... Hi. Hi.

Hi, guys.

Wow, you look very...fresh.

I'm not wearing make-up.

Some days, I just want to be my authentic self, you know?

Pull focus to what's beneath the surface,

not...what's on it. Are you sure you're not wearing any make-up?

I'm not. I can see some... It's nude make-up, Anne,

which means nothing on. So just cos you can see it doesn't mean

it's there, cos it's not. Yeah, well, rather you than me, babe.

Honestly, without a litre of mascara, my eyes look like

gerbils' bumholes. LAUGHTER

Oh, same.

Well, not exactly.

It's a personal choice, I suppose,

which I'm all about. Free will.

I'm actually reading Nineteen Eighty-Four at the moment,

again. George Orwell. I just love the social satire,

as seen in his allegorical novella Animal Farm,

which I've also read. Well, if you like those Amanda,

I recommend Handmaid's Tale. Oh, OK.

Yeah, sure. I'll check that out, yeah. Love anything handmade.

What...? MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES

Ah, that's work, actually, so I'd better...

Anne, I'll see you on Thursday. Yeah. Yeah.

..Hello, hi... Thursday, what's Thursday?

Oh, er, careers talk. Yeah, me and Abs are doing a double bill.

Oh, yeah? What does she do? What's her...what's her job?

Ooh, so many parents... Yeah, what does she do?

I think she works for a bank.

She's a banker?

Wow!

She's a banker, and she has the audacity to call ME shallow?!

Those people literally caused...it was either Covid or Brexit.

Anne, we need to swap career talks.

But you're not doing a career talk. Don't split hairs, Anne.

You asked me to do one and I'm accepting. OK, well, er,

I think nobody has covered retail, so you could talk about

your kitchens and... Mm, no, Anne, I'm going to talk about Senuous.

I think the children would benefit

most hearing about my career as an influencer.

Don't you... Yes, absolutely. ..Anne? 100%. Yes. Mm.

Right, great, OK.

Pop me down for Thursday, then... OK. ..with Abs.

Right, I'd better get going.

I've got a whole generation of online creators to inspire.

Yeah... Yeah.

Ha! Yeah. Yeah. I'll see you later.

You did it again. What?

She's not an influencer! No-one follows her.

You're just massaging her ego.

OK, yeah, so I humour her a bit, but what else was I supposed to say?

That she should talk about her actual job,

selling sinks and toilets. Oh, I couldn't be that honest.

Look, Anne, people can take constructive criticism, you know?

It can actually help them to, like, learn and grow and that.

Really. Really. Mm...

Oh!

Foul! Come on, ref!

Mum?!

Do it.

Actually, I don't think that was a foul. Mm-hm.

What?! Maybe if you just stopped diving and acting the goat,

and you spent more time sending the ball into the net,

then you'd be a bit less...shite!

Huh! No... Oh, this honesty thing's not for me, Fi. It's great to give

these things a try and everything, but, you know... God, no!

Come on... Yes!

Oh! Was that a...?

Yay! Go, Darius!

Yes! You see? Yeah!

It works! OK.

Oi! Ned's Dad!

Where you been at, man?

You got your cock out again?

Oh, come on! I just forgot to do my flies up!

Keep it in your pants, yeah?

Kids can be so mean.

When do they grow out of that?

Those shorts are too tight, Mal. You can see your back wheels there.

See you tomorrow for Careers Day, JJ!

Hello.

Oh, piece of advice,

you should consider a fringe.

OK, but I've been looking for it for ages.

Could you have a think? Oh! I have no idea where you charger is

because I'm 7,000 miles away!

Sorry, I was only asking. Look, I have to go.

Sorry she's late! I'm parenting solo.

Hi, Fi! Hi! I've been meaning to thank you.

Yeah? This whole, er, "say what you think" business, it's been

really liberating. Oh, that's great, Anne. Good for you!

Yeah! I mean, why hold your tongue, when you could help somebody

realise...oh, I don't know, um, er, you're overly reliant on

your absent wife and it makes you seem weak and immature.

I mean, she has got a point.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS In!

You're welcome.

So, what can I tell... INTERFERENCE

..about working in a professional kitchen?

Well, I suppose the thing I'm asked

most often is how... INTERFERENCE

..pressure of cooking so many things... Yo.

Are you going to get a boner, like Ned's other dad?

No, and he didn't get a b... Sh!

..and perhaps most importantly... INTERFERENCE

Well, so much for 5G!

Sorry, no disrespect to Aeryn's dad, who we now know

installs 5G.

OK, so with that, Mr Sarfuni, you're up next!

Er, so, a nice big round of applause for Ned's other dad!

Um... Ahem.

So, there are, er,

a few people out there that think

accountancy is a bit boring...

Amanda! Mm? I seem to be doing this all myself. Daniel,

this is important. I need to get to grips with my kit,

which I'm not charging you for, despite it costing three grand.

There's a generation of children whose future might hinge on

this presentation. About bathrooms?!

Yeah. Oh, could I borrow your Britney mic that you use

for the trade shows? I suppose so, since you're technically promoting

the company. Yeah. Actually, should I come along, to the school,

in case there's any questions you can't answer? Er...

I don't think you can, unless you've been DBS checked.

Oh. Have you been DBS checked?

Women can't be paedophiles, Daniel.

DOORBELL RINGS

Mummy! Hello, darling. What are you doing here?

I'm afraid there's something up with the oven you sold me.

Ah. Daniel, would you...?

Now, I turned it on this morning and there was all this noxious

black goo at the bottom. I took a photograph of it.

And that wasn't there last time you used it?

Well, this is its inaugural outing. But you've had it seven months.

Yes, well, I cook infrequently.

Can I just check, you had removed the polystyrene packing?

OK. Er, I think we have a special cleaner for that. One second.

Thanks, Daniel.

Oh, Mummy, while I have you, I'm doing a careers talk

about Senuous at the school, if you want to come along?

Oh, darling, I can't. I'm actually busy that day.

I didn't tell you the day. What day is it?

Thursday. Yeah, I'm busy that day.

Well, as long as you find time for the important things.

I tell you what, why don't I buy you a nice dress for it?

Mummy, opening your chequebook can't be your answer to everything.

If you don't want to support me, that's your prerogative,

but you don't get to buy off your guilt by throwing your money around.

That'll be 470, with the VAT.

You know what? I don't think my money's welcome here.

LAUGHTER So when you're all billionaires,

remember who it was first told you, "If you want to be a legend..."

ALL: Start with a ledger!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Well, that's it from me,

but if you have any questions...

HE FARTS

LAUGHTER No way?!

Nah, stop, man. Stop!

All right, all right, thank you.

Any chance I styled that out?

You're fucked. All right.

You're Year 11, not age 11!

RADIO: And in a few moments, I'll be handing you over to

Tom Walsh for the news and weather.

Before that, I've just got a quick update on that person that

was stuck on the... Oh!

Oh, great!

Should call Della.

TUTTING

Why might lights go out?

Huh!

OK, everyone, quick as you can.

Take your seats now, guys. Mum!

Please, please don't do this.

I'll do anything. Georgie, relax.

I'm about to make you very popular.

You'll be like a nepo baby.

OK, hello, everyone.

Now, first up, we have Ms Hughes,

who is Georgie's mum,

and she is here to tell us all about her job.

Well, it's more of a hobby, to be honest. Enjoy.

APPLAUSE

RELAXING PIANO MUSIC

VOICEOVER: What is Senuous?

It's a good question, but should we

not begin by asking,

what is it...not?

And to answer THAT question,

please welcome the founder,

COO and CEO of Senuous,

Amanda Hughes!

APPLAUSE

Thank you, everyone, thank you!

Now, you've probably seen my content

and assumed it's another

shallow lifestyle brand

that's purely about aesthetic perfection,

but look closer.

Is nature shallow?

Is time shallow?

Is space shallow? Er, actually,

space can be shallow. That was a rhetorical question.

But I suppose what I am asking is, can something beautiful

also be important?

And my feeling is, yes, it can.

So, what's my origin story?

RADIO BACK ON Ha!

Above all, we're about connecting with people on a human level.

But instead of a paintbrush or a violin, I have a phone.

I use social media to touch people.

I certainly touch myself when I'm creating it.

And I believe if I'm touching myself,

I'm probably touching other people too.

GIGGLING

Well, OK, Amanda, everyone!

Thank you so much. OK! APPLAUSE

Yeah, thanks. Now, er,

sadly, we're slightly behind time,

because she was talking so much, so we'll have to... Anne!

..skip all the questions. OK.

And I'd like to welcome to the stage Mrs Sarfuni... OK.

Hello! ..Ned's mum!

Well done. Good luck.

OK. Wow!

Talk about a tough act to follow!

Yeah, so much there, wasn't there, to...

..sort of unpack? Um, my name is Abs.

I work for a food bank.

Now, I'm afraid, guys, there's not a lot of glamour in the

charity sector, as my nails will tell you.

SHE MOUTHS But through our network

of amazing volunteers,

we actually feed over a thousand households per week,

which is... Sorry. Yes, I just realised,

I forgot to mention our charity work, that whole side of Senuous

that's very important to us. Me.

That's really good...to know. So sorry. It's OK.

I just realised I hadn't...

OK. Please continue. Yeah, thank you.

Um, yeah, so as I was saying, um, if any of you are looking

to get involved in the charity sector,

then volunteering is such a good way to... Yeah, I volunteer a lot

myself. That's great, that's good. Oh, yeah. 100%.

A good chunk of my week is volunteering,

cos Senuous is a not-for-profit organisation.

We've literally never made a profit. Cool, well... I also run

the Senuous Foundation -

formerly, the Senuous Van der Velde Foundation -

that gives to many local causes.

Most recently, cocktails for a local football team, so...

Yeah, well, look, if you actually fund projects, you know, we should

probably talk... Oh, we're happy to fund. Yeah. Very happy.

OK. I like to say, we put the "fun" in funding.

Erm, in fact, we recently secured a multi-thousand-pound investment

from a major corporation in Hong Kong/Shanghai.

Wow! Mm. Wow! That's really impressive.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I had no idea about that. Well,

there's more to me than meets the eye.

And quite a lot meets the eye, so... ABS CHUCKLES

Yeah. Absolutely.

Great, thanks.

So how much shall I put you down for, Amanda?

What? As you're so...you're so passionate about funding

local causes, and...

Yes, I am. I am. Yes.

Er, well, gosh, I would be absolutely delighted

to donate...a hundred...

..thousand... A hundred thousand pounds?!

GASPING AND APPLAUSE No. No.

A thousand would seem... A thousand.

..like...

..too little to me,

I think... Mm. ..so that's why I would like to donate...

OK. ..to...

Hmm...

..this great cause

the sum of...

..two and a half...three...

Wow! ..three thousand pounds!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Three thousand pounds!

That's above and beyond, actually.

It is. It really is! It almost is above and beyond.

Thank you so much! Yeah. Mandy, everyone!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Amanda. Wow!

Oh, my goodness, well, what a way to start! Yeah, wow!

Well, thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh, you're very welcome. It was a pleasure... No, that was sarcasm.

The last thing I needed was someone telling the kids a few clicks

on TikTok and they'll all be millionaires,

cos that's what they all think anyway.

So, er, great. Just perfect!

Will you be careful with that, Anne? It's all got to go back. Yes.

And I need to get a full refund. It's probably for the best, anyway.

Those lights weren't very good.

You could still see all your wrinkles,

and they made you look very tired.

I hope you don't mind me saying this, Anne, but friend to friend,

you're being a complete fucking bitch!

I'm bloody killing it here!

DOORBELL RINGS

Fiona Fry? I just thought they were normal mushrooms!

Are you the wife of Della Fry?

What's happened? No, everything's fine.

Your wife just called the station quite upset,

asked us to do a welfare check.

On me?

She said you hadn't contacted her in 11 hours and,

well, for some reason, she thought you might be dead.

Goodness! That's an awful lot of money

to throw at a problem, darling.

I thought you pledged 3,000.

Yes, the giant cheque cost �15.

Hmm. You must be so proud of your mum. Yeah.

I am. Oh, Georgie! Come here. Well done, Mum. Aw! Well,

I can't thank you enough.

And, yeah, I really did enjoy your talk. Aw, thank you!

Yeah, I think it's great, not just kids get to be influencers.

You know, give the middle-aged mums a chance, I say!

Anne, I'm not middle-aged, am I?

No! No. God, no! Yeah. Absolutely not... Yeah, yeah. ..at all!

SATISFIED SNIFF

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