Original subtitles

(children playing)

(children singing multiplication)

(child laughing)

- Oh bum, the last day of the first term brung a big change

in my life, owing to the running of the grand final.

(frog croaks) (children playing)

Just this is one more race, Trumper.

Put you at the start, got me life savings on you.

- Look at your beautiful muscles.

- It's certainly an important occasion.

- Too right. Win this one and I got me heart's desire.

- Blimey, look at Bruiser Murphy.

- [Children] (chanting) Bruiser, Bruiser, Bruiser, Bruiser!

- He looks eerily confident, he's got something

up his sleeve. - Nah, just cracking hardy.

He knows he'll lose. - Plan B all ready to go?

- Yeah. - Contestants,

frogs in the middle. (all speaking)

- Get out the way, beat it, go on.

- It's a cane toad. Listen Bruiser, that's no frog.

It's a prehistoric monster. - He squashed Albert!

- He's a genuine Australian frog.

My uncle Benny brung him back from Queensland in a box.

- I raised him from a tadpole.

- His name's Frankenstein and he'll win easy.

- I'm gonna appeal; appeal to the stewards.

- So am I. - Appeal away.

You're history, Finn. So is the Finn gang.

From now on, the Bruiser Murphy gang's

going to be kings of the neighbourhood.

- He squashed Albert, I raised him from a pole.

- Shut up, kid. (children arguing)

- The stewards are being bribed, I reckon

and like the the crooks they were,

they ruled straight away that Bruiser Murphy's

Queensland cane toad was a true and honourable frog.

I was a desperate man. (children arguing)

Plan B. - Roger.

- You can't plan B Fat, that's cheating.

- You gotta fight with fire with fire.

But this time I was gonna fight with fire water.

For I had carefully soaked a selection

of juicy grasshoppers in sweet Sherry.

No frog could resist such a banquet.

Except Trumper, of course, who was a strict Presbyterian.

- He's a frog! (children fighting)

- Feathers out, hold them up, you know the rules.

Feathers only, no pins or broken bottles,

no treading on other contestants,

no interference on the field, instant disqualification

if you swap frogs in mid-swim.

May God smile on this great occasion!

(children cheering)

- Go on Frankenstein, go on, go on Frankenstein!

You can do it, come on, come on Frankenstein, come on!

- Come on, you can do it, come on.

- Come on Trumper, come on Trumper.

Come on boy, I know you'll make it.

Come on, come on Trumper, you can make it!

Come on! (children cheering)

- Come on Franky, you can beat Trumper.

Come on. (children sheering)

- There's Darcy, there's Darcy.

I think he's gone to sleep. - He's drunk, I think.

- Come on Franky, you can beat that Trumper thing.

Come over here. (frog croaks)

Frankenstein, speak to me, mate.

Come on, what's wrong with ya?

- Aw, he's drunk, I think. (frog burps)

- Flamin' Finn. (children cheering)

- And the winner is Trumper!

Owned by Fatty Finn (children cheering)

♪ Hip hip, hooray, hip hip, hooray! ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn ♪

♪ His name is Hubert Finn, he's really very thin ♪

♪ But everybody down the lane, they call him Fatty Finn ♪

♪ And Tilly is the girl, the apple of his eye ♪

♪ Seasy, Skeet and Lolly Legs are always at his side ♪

♪ Headlights can't fight, Skeet is just too small ♪

♪ Seasy's very easy-going, Lolly Legs is tall ♪

♪ That's all, we are the gang! ♪

♪ We're Fatty's gang, hooray for Fatty Finn ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn, he's not fat ♪

♪ He's really very thin, hooray for Fatty Finn, hooray! ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn, hooray! ♪

♪ Everybody wins when they go round with Fatty Finn ♪

♪ Bruiser Murphy leads the gang who hated Fatty Finn ♪

♪ His band of bullies wanted blood ♪

♪ but they could never win ♪

♪ I smell a rat, who's name is that? ♪

♪ It must be Fatty Finn. Hooray! ♪

♪ Hooray, hooray for Fatty Finn! ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn, hooray for Fatty Finn ♪

♪ He's not fat, he's really very thin ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn, hooray! ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn, hooray! ♪

♪ He's not fat, he's really very thin ♪

♪ Algemore Snootle very richly lives upon Snob Hill ♪

♪ His sister's just a pain in the neck ♪

♪ but he's a big deal ♪

♪ I say, I say, hip, hip hooray! ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn, hooray for Fatty Finn! ♪

♪ He's not fat, he's really very thin ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn, hooray! ♪

♪ Hooray for Fatty Finn, hooray! ♪

♪ Everybody wins when they go round with Fatty Finn ♪

(chalk squeaking across board) (children giggling)

- Not one word.

Any of you!

(frog croaks)

Just once more, Michael Murphy.

Just once more.

Wipe that smile off your face, Michael Murphy.

- One, two, three! - [All] Hooray!

(whipping) - Sorry, Bruise.

(bell chiming) (children shouting)

- I walked out past the old school bell

and into the main holidays with a merry heart.

For in my sugar bag was enough to buy what I always wanted.

What I always wanted was a crystal set,

a modern miracle of wireless communication

on which a bloke could listen to the great Don Bradman,

our most famous batsman, flay the Poms in the test cricket

in far away Great Britain, on the other side of the planet.

There was not a moment to lose either

because the first test started

in only 13 days time and crystal sets were scarce

as hen's teeth and times were hard.

♪ Our Don Bradman, now I ask you, is he any good? ♪

♪ Our Don Bradman, as a batsman he is certainly "plum pud"♪

♪ Tate and Larwood meet their fate ♪

♪ For it's always "shut the gate" ♪

♪ When the boy from Bowral hits four after four ♪

- [Radio Host 1] (indistinct)

- [Radio Host 2] Don Bradman said today,

Australia was behind him, couldn't wait

for the start of the first cricket test against England

in two weeks time. - [Finn] Gee, two weeks to go!

- It's not enough. - What?

- It's not enough.

In fact, it's very, very little.

Nine pence the lot. - Nine pence?

- Times are hard.

Eight pence.

- No, didn't reckon you'd do a swap.

I didn't reckon you'd go as low as that.

- Look, Mr. Finn.

I like you.

- I don't like you very much.

- I'll do you a favour. - Yeah?

- I will keep it for you here in the window.

Reserved for 13 days until the end of the school holidays

and if by then you have earned enough money,

you can pay me for it then.

- But can't I have it if I give you a deposit?

I've got this yo-yo.

- No.

- But I got to have it

by Friday a week so I can hear the test.

Sit up all night and listen to it.

- So try harder.

- 17 and six.

That's more than my dad saves in a year.

Where am I going to get 17 and six, Mister?

- Use your enterprise.

(bell chimes)

- Pal, come on.

At least I got you, Pal, my little mate.

Enterprise (whispers indistinctly)

- Hubert, eat your porridge.

- Ugh.

- Don't you ugh me, young man.

You don't know how lucky you are getting porridge

for breakfast in the first place.

- That's right, son, don't irk your mum.

She works very hard. - Yes, I do.

- I know you do, Mum, and I love you for it

but this porridge is rotten.

- You see, dear? He loves you for it.

I've got to agree.

This is rotten. I think it's got weevils in it.

- Oh John, I'm sorry.

- That's all right, Em.

You weren't to know. What would you like for Mother's Day?

- Ooh, well. If it's not too expensive,

I'd like a new mangle for the laundry.

- Would you? - If it's not too expensive.

You see, I'm just a little tired

of wringing out the clothes by hand in the kitchen sink.

- It's not too expensive, of course not.

I'll raise the money, as a man.

- What are you doing, dad? - Off you go, boy.

Why don't you, why don't you feed the weevily porridge

to Mrs. Hogan's chooks? - Oh, what a good idea!

Mrs. Hogan's, chooks love weevils.

They're rich in protein.

- Maybe I'll take my money box with me.

- Thank you.

- What could have gotten into that boy?

- Just growing pains, dear.

His new teeth are coming through.

I think he's saving up for something too.

I wonder what it could be.

- Mertle, we're very lucky to have a boy like Hubert. - Oh, I know.

Oh John, I'm so happy, even in this neighbourhood,

thirty shillings a week, I've still got you.

- My dear, I know things were better once

and they'll be better again, soon

and you'll get your mangle for Mother's Day.

I promise.

- Oh John, I believe you.

Thousands wouldn't but I do.

- I twigged right then that if I did get the money

for the crystal set before Mother's Day,

I would be well and truly in the poo.

'Cause dad would sting me for a loan the way he did

for mum's birthday last year when he was on the dole.

So I had to get the money quick smart

but how was I to do it?

Come on Pal-Pal.

(dog barks)

Only one sure avenue seemed open to a joker

of my quick brain and flying feet.

To wit, a job of message runner for Tiger Murphy the bookie.

There was one very big obstacle

standing astride this aforesaid avenue.

The obstacle's name was Bruiser Murphy.

- What do you want, Finn? This is my alley.

This is my whole block. - I came to see your dad.

- My dad, who do you think you are?

- Yeah, who do you think you are?

- Look, Bruise, I'm sorry I poked you in the back.

It was just an irresistible impulse

and it won't happen again but Bruise,

I'm in a bit of trouble and if I could just get a job

working for your dad so's I can make a few bob.

Look, Bruise, you can trust me.

I'm a good bloke, really and I know you're a good bloke.

We're all good blokes deep down.

- You miserable little slug. You slime.

You cockroach. You come down my alley,

ask my dad for a job so you can buy a lousy crystal set?

- How'd you know that? - It's like your hide, Finn.

I'm going to teach you a lesson. One you'll never forget.

- Oh no, oh no, no, no, no! Anything but that!

(Finn screams) (children laugh)

- Come on Finn. Have a go, boy.

- Ow!

Man that hurt.

- Just once more.

- I'm going to show that mongrel!

So help me, I will. Show him good.

- Bide your time, Fat. One day you'll be as big as him,

then you'll show him.

- I'll show him before that.

It's a matter of honour!

- You're at the top, Fat.

You got the champion frog and the champion goat

three seasons running.

Show him again at the goat race next week. Show him good!

- Goat race is easy. I wanna really show the mongrel.

And please let me find a way I can fix Bruiser Murphy good

and also get me crystal set before Don Bradman

spifflicates the Poms at Old Trafford.

In return, I promise to do all my homework next term.

Oh and could I have a fine day tomorrow?

For our last cricket match?

Preferably with a light southerly wind so I can

deceive Skeet with my off-spinner.

That's all for tonight, I think Lord.

I remain yours faithfully, Hubert Finn.

♪ Our 11, ladies they're best. ♪

♪ Our 11, two in each test ♪

♪ Even how those boys can wield the willow ♪

♪ (indistinct) feather pillow ♪

♪ How they can bowl. How they can bat ♪

♪ Knocks 'em round and never cares for this or that ♪

♪ Our 11, they'll be in heaven ♪

♪ When they're bringing the ashes home ♪

And back on the crease now is Fatty Bradman

and you can feel the tension, now on 196.

and Lovell comes in, right arm over the wicket

and that ball is hurtling towards Fatty Bradman

like an express train but cool,

calm and collected, Fatty hooks the ball

right in the centre of the bat

and the ball flies over the grand stands (horse neighs)

It's a six, a six all the way and the crowd goes wild!

The police have to be called in

to control the mounting excitement.

What a cricketer this lad is and only 10 years of age!

Surely the greatest test double century

I've seen in donkey's years!

There are people running all over the pitch.

Only Fatty Bradman remains steadfast at his place.

- Ow! - Mr. Finn!

You are under arrest! - Oh come on, Claffey!

I didn't mean to. Give a fella a break, hey?

- Never again!

- My fruit!

- Take a look around you, Mr. Finn.

Now what does this view convey to you?

- It conveys I'm a good bat. Let me go Claffey.

I can't afford a whole fruit cart.

- No! You must face the music, Mr. Finn.

- How much it cost you, Fat? - Everything I had.

Cleaned me out. Bang goes me crystal set

and I gotta polish 400 Jonathan apples as well.

Otherwise, he reckons, the vendetta.

- Geeze, I'm sorry Fat. Shouldn't have bowled you down

that googly. - Your googly's easy.

I just don't know me own strength.

- Why didn't you run, Fat? You was in a dream.

- Yeah, I was. Nice dream.

(crickets chirping)

I gotta get me crystal set, Pal.

I got to. I got to use me enterprise.

♪ Up in the morning and off to the fair ♪

♪ Every man and his dog will be there ♪

♪ There'll be Finny and Rebel and Wally and me ♪

♪ All the fun of the fair ♪

♪ Strolling along on a warm sunny day ♪

♪ Oh how the boys in the brass band can play ♪

♪ All of the children with prizes for mother ♪

- Every ride with Hector, the champion goat!

One penny per passenger.

- Have you got any money?

- Make your fortune now. Roll up, roll up!

- I see a tall, dark stranger

coming to reposess your furniture.

- No, no. Not that.

- And you'll be thrown out into the street

and your whole family will live in a tin humpy

And your dolly will be sold to the rag man

to buy dog meat for your starving little sister.

- No, no, no. Not my dolly, no.

(children playing)

- The most successful enterprise thus far was 'You Bet'

at which any customer, if he was a mug

would bet Skeet he couldn't do something better than him.

Hang upside down the longest or spit the farthest

or hold his breath the longest

and make his face the reddest.

Skeet was a dead set moral to win this from the mugs

because he could hold his breath until he fainted.

How are you going, Tilly?

- I don't like work much, Fat.

- Do I charge more if they open their mouth?

- Cripes. Why they want to do that?

- I don't know. There's some funny people about.

- Do you want a kiss, Fat?

- Ahhh. No, thanks Till.

Got to save me 10% for me crystal set.

I only got eight more days and I need every penny I can get.

- But it's on the house. - No.

It wouldn't be fair on the other customers.

Got to set a good example now I'm a man of business.

- [Children] (chanting) Stand up, stand up!

- Morning Finn.

- Morning Snootle.

Can we help you at all?

- I wanted to make perfectly sure

that there is no legal limit to the number of kisses

I am entitled to so long as I continue paying.

- Well, no.

So long as you pay up, I guess.

- Right.

Shall we begin?

- Oh, God.

- It was at that point I wondered

whether even a crystal set was worth it.

Watching Snootle pash away like a big girl,

I resolved to biff him good and proper,

the moment the opportunity afforded itself.

Knock out a few of his fancy teeth and improve his looks.

- Roll up, roll up.

Goat races!

Hubert Finn Enterprises, make your fortune now!

Kissing stalls, lemonade stalls, roll up!

- Listen. You stay out of here.

This is my alley, see?

- Yeah, this is his alley, see.

- Uh-huh.

- And you tell Finn, if he doesn't shut down his stalls

and move on by sundown, he's for it, see?

Really for it. - Uh-huh.

- Terrible things are gonna happen to him.

Do you get me?

- Too right.

- Ow! (girl screams)

Come back here, ya little runt!

(jolly music)

♪ Yo-Ho-Ho, Tee-Hee-Hee, we be the pirates of the Fat Navy ♪

♪ We be the cruel and the bloody Captain Finn ♪

♪ I'm Captain Finn, the pirate king ♪

♪ Scourge of the 17 seas ♪

♪ I loved a mermaid name of Till ♪

♪ She lived at the bottom of the sea ♪

♪ Yo-Ho-Ho, Tee-Hee-Hee we are the pirates of the Fat Navy ♪

♪ We walked the plank with the bloody Captain Finn ♪

♪ I'm Captain Finn, the pirate king ♪

♪ Robbed all the rich and gave it back again ♪

♪ And he loved me 'cause I lived at the bottom of the sea ♪

- Five glasses of lemonade, all right?

- That'll be five pence. That's still five pence.

That'll be six pence. - Let's go.

♪ Captain Finn. I'm calling you my dear ♪

- Get off!

♪ I hear you ♪

♪ Come with me, down under the sea ♪

- He can't swim!

♪ Don't be afraid ♪

- [Children] Boo!

♪ Who's scared? ♪

♪ I'm your mermaid ♪

♪ Let's sail away across the sea ♪

♪ Just you and me ♪

♪ And we'll be free ♪

(children fighting)

- Get your hands off me prize goat, Murphy.

- You wait, Murphy.

(humming)

Okay, let's have a swear first

and then we'll sign our names in blood.

♪ And fight for the right to be free ♪

♪ Win the battle for liberty ♪

♪ Let us all stand together ♪

- We, the Warrata Street Five.

- [All] We, the Warrata Street Five.

- Six counting Tilly. - [All] Six counting Tilly.

- Do swear by the blood of our ancestors.

- [All] Do swear by the blood of our ancestors.

- We will spifflicate Bruiser Murphy

before this night is out. - [All] We will spifflicate

Bruiser Murphy before this night is out.

- Before this night is out. - Or perish on the field

of honour. - [All] Or perish

on the field of honour.

- Okay. We got to sign in our own blood.

♪ With our old slouch hat♪

♪ There's be no turning back ♪

♪ For we're marching to victory ♪

Right, alphabetical order. (patriotic music)

- Fat, I'm a bleeder. Can I sign in your blood instead?

Just this once.

- Yeah, that's all right. You're only a girl.

I'll just squeeze out a bit more.

♪ We'll be together when we're over there ♪

Everyone synchronise their watches.

- None of us has got a watch. - Yeah but I gotta say that.

- Not if we ain't got watches.

- Forward into battle.

♪ Let us all stand together and smite our country's foe ♪

♪ And we'll all sing together as we go ♪

♪ Here we come, see them run ♪

♪ Our brave Aussie boys will overcome ♪

♪ On the beaches and in the air, on the sea ♪

♪ We'll win the battle when we're over there ♪

- There they are.

Guess what? Bruiser's gang, swimming in the Nudy.

Don't look, Till.

- Ugh.

- Prepare to launch the itching powder.

- Roger!

- Itching powder ready to launch.

(children playing)

- Drum roll. (lightly tapping helmet)

(whispering) Fire the itching powder.

(whispering) Fire the paint. (children screaming)

- You wait, Finn! - Standby the rotten eggs.

(children cheering)

- You wait, Finn, I'm gonna kill you, mate!

- What do we do now, Fat? - Yeah?

- Do I have to do all the thinking myself?

We steal all their clothes, put them in Hector's cart

and take them away.

(mumbling)

- Bruiser!

- Give me back my roof!

- [Finn] By eight o'clock the next morning,

the dim sun shone on an impatient Hubert Finn.

Where was everyone, they should be at work

rebuilding Fatty's Fair.

Uh-oh.

(melancholy music)

What's the matter with you?

- My shoelaces are tied together.

- Well, why don't you cut them?

Or take your shoes off or something?

Cripes, Lolly Legs, sometimes I worry about you.

- Me too, Fat.

- They starched me plaits.

- Oh, sorry.

Eww, bubblegum.

Boot polish?

- Yeah, it's on me bum too.

Take two years getting this stuff off.

- I keep running into lamp posts.

- We swore a sacred oath to the death.

Though we perish on the field of honour.

Come on, hop to it, get to work!

- I've been appointed shop steward of the recently

formed Finn Employee's Union, FEU.

We feel that your percentage is far too high.

- [All] Yeah! - How much?

Cut the cackle, how much?

- 5%.

- No.

- Then we're going out on strike.

- Go on.

- See if I care.

- Everybody out!

(blows whistle)

- Fellas, come back. We swore a sacred oath to the death.

- Not 10% to the death, we didn't.

Come on, Till.

- Aw, Till. Not you too.

- I gotta Fat. I can't be a scab.

I'd stay but I'm a good union man.

- Aw Hector. Not you too. (goat bleats)

- [Goldstein] Use your enterprise.

Six days to go, use your enterprise.

- I'll have that crystal set in the window.

I can pay cash.

- How is it you can pay cash, Bruiser Murphy?

I am much intrigued?

- Got it off me dad. A horse come in at 200 to one.

- You mean he had money on Mud Gudgeon in the Doonbin Cup?

What a man of genius! - Nah, but no else did neither.

That's how he made a packet. My dad's a bookie.

- I rejoice at his good fortune

but cannot sell you the crystal set. Not yet.

- Why not?

- As shown on the card,

it is reserved for one Hubert Finn until May the 13th.

- He'll never raise the dough. Not in a million years.

I'll give you 35 bob.

- You tempt me sorely.

- 36.

- Especially since I too,

be still my heart, lost much monies thanks to Mud Gudgeon.

- Two quid and call it quits.

- No.

No.

Leave my shop, you tempter.

A pawn broker's word

is his bond.

- That's a laugh.

- Come back on May the 13th

cash in hand and then we will see.

- You missed your big chance, Goldstein. (door bell chimes)

(whistling)

♪ Come to me, you're my dream of love ♪

♪ I love you as I loved you ♪

♪ When you were sweet, when you were sweet ♪

- [Woman] Just a minute!

♪ Sixteen ♪

- Wish you'd sing another song.

- There are several in my repertoire.

- Good.

♪ If you were the only girl in the world ♪

♪ And I were the only boy ♪

♪ Nothing else would matter in the world today ♪

♪ We would go on loving in the same old way ♪

♪ A garden of Eden just made for two ♪

♪ With nothing to mar our joy ♪

(man cries out)

(boy laughs)

- Get out of here!

- Oh dear, sorry about that.

- Good shot son, you're getting better.

- It wasn't me, Dad. It was Fatty Finn.

- Where is he, son? - He's ran away.

There he goes, cunning little mongrel. I'll fix him.

Shooting the poor old Dunny Man.

- You're not happy, are you, son?

- I'm all right, Dad.

- Oh, I think there's something ailing ya.

Step into my office.

Want to talk to you son about the family name.

Murphy and Son.

Shanghai and Dunny Men.

Not good for the family name, son.

- Yes, dad.

- Neither is letting Fatty Finn walk all over you

with his gang of rats.

- I'll fix it, Dad. You'll see.

- I don't know if I will, son.

'Cause I reckon you're real stupid.

Wrong side of the blanket, I guess.

- Don't say that, Dad. Finn's for it.

I'll soon be king of the alley again.

- Son, this Fatty Finn's got your goat, hasn't he?

That's why you're unhappy.

- No. He's got his goat and his goat always wins.

He's frog and everything he's got.

Finn always wins. He cheats and he wins.

- Wouldn't do to lose the goat race this year, son.

Not three years in a row. You better win it this year.

- How am I going to win the goat race without a goat?

As I ain't got a goat no more?

- Without a goat, I'm surprised you entered.

- I gotta win the goat race, even without a goat.

I'll never be able to show my face around here again.

- Son. This is how you're going to win the goat race.

You're a dead set moral. - Dad, he's beautiful.

- I splurged 20 quid on him when Mud Gudgeon came in.

Five generations of champion goat blood winner

in this black bearded Satan.

- Jeez, he's nice.

- His name's Bucephalus after Alexander the Great's horse,

Bucephalus. Together, they made a fortune.

(bells chiming) (happy music)

- Jeez, what a bonza pacer. Look at his fetlocks.

- Gee, Fat's in big trouble with that goat.

We'd better warn him.

- Nah, why should we? He's not our friend anymore.

- That's right, he's not. - He's a capitalist pig.

- Yeah, that's right, he is.

- I seen him this morning down by the linger longer.

After a while, couldn't bear to look.

- What was he doing?

- Newspapers, newspapers, yesterday's newspapers.

Going cheap. Penny, ha'penny each.

- Good day, boy. - Yesterday's Sun.

All the news you missed. - Off the foot path, kid.

- All right, they're a penny each, you miserable mongrels.

Two a penny

- No, no. Out the way, go on. - Positively last offer.

Catch up on your ancient history.

- Boy, this paper's got fish on it.

I demand my money back.

- Fish on it? I should charge you extra.

Fish is a penny extra.

- You young scoundrel.

- Go on, Hector.

(goat bleats) (man screams)

- Get away!

Aww Gawrd

(thunder rumbling)

- Mine's winning, look at it go!

(melancholy music)

- Y es, Mr. Finn?

- I got these bottles, Mr. Zilch.

They're for sale. (glass clinking)

- Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Would you like to buy a milkshake, Mr. Finn?

- If I buy bottles from you, I think you have

a moral obligation to at least buy a milkshake from me.

All my other customers have some sense of honour.

- Yeah, why not. Caramel malted.

- Five pence, please.

- Oh, keep the change.

- Why thank you, Mr. Finn. You're a gentleman and a scholar.

No matter they say.

(whistles)

(rings bell)

- What is it, Hubert?

- Any old bottles, Mrs. Hogan? Or any old chicken droppings?

- Oh! Hubert! - Ugh!

Aww Gorsh

- What do you think you're doing, young man?

Picking bottles in the street like some common boy

from the slums. I never thought I'd live

to see the day when a son of mine would sink so low.

- There, there, Myrtle. Times is hard.

Things are crook in Muscle Brooke.

- Why aren't you at home, weeding the garden

like your father's said. You will bring me grey hairs

with sorrow to my grave.

- Mum, I was only using me enterprise.

- I'll give you enterprise, my fine young gentleman. (dog barks, goat bleats)

- It's always darkest before the dawn, Pal.

There's always a silver lining.

That's what they reckon.

Six days to go and one bob in the kitty.

And the Murphy gang out after me with fire and sword.

Cripes. Bloke would have to be an optimist.

- Psst.

Psst!

Hey nipper, can you run a message for me?

It's kind of urgent, matter of life and death.

- I don't know.

- There's four bob in it for you at the other end.

Here's the address. Delivered personal.

- No. Four bob at this end.

Matter of life and death, delivered personal.

- Oh, struth. That's all I got left in the whole world.

- Matter of life and death for me, too.

'Cause me mum will kill me if I'm not at home

and the garden's only half weeded.

- Fair dinkum? - Crikey.

Take it yourself, save your money.

- No, I can't. Look, two bob now and two bob then, hey?

- Stop thief. Halt, halt in the name of the king!

(indistinct muttering and whistle blowing)

- [Finn] Maggie McGrath, sealed with a loving kiss.

You coulda knocked me down with a feather.

Here was I, Hubert Finn off to see Maggie McGrath,

the queen of organised crime in the inner city.

I felt very queer, I wasn't scared mind

but it was like I was off to see Ned Kelly himself.

(knocking on door)

- What's your problem, junior?

- I've got this parcel for Maggie, delivered personal.

- Right-o, he's clean. Take him to Maggie.

- Okay. - Lucky I didn't have Trumper along.

- Who's Trumper?

- Me frog.

You would've squashed him.

He's won the championship three times running.

- No kidding. - You want some bubblegum?

- Gee thanks. Me favourite brand. Come on.

♪ But she's a mean, mean woman ♪

♪ She's as mean as can be ♪

♪ Well she's a mean, mean woman ♪

♪ She is as mean as can be ♪

- Yeah, what is it?

- He said I get two bob on delivery.

- I don't know if it's worth it yet. Hand it over.

- You don't get until I get my two bob.

- What! Why you little crook, I ought to give you the works.

Hold him, Henry. - Give it to me.

- No fair. I gotta get my two bob!

- It's a mouse!

(gunshots)

(Finn laughs)

- I suppose you think that's funny.

- I just want my two bob.

- Two bob for a mouse?

I'll give you two bob, you little rat!

Oh, what's this?

(laughs) It's from Perce. (laughs)

What a card. What a card.

Take it.

- Thanks, Miss McGrath! - Oh, that's all right, kid.

Hey, you come next Saturday and you can run a message for me

- Beauty!

♪ I am a mean, mean woman ♪

♪ I am as mean as can be ♪

♪ I'm really awful ♪

- 13 shillings, the crystal set is mine next Saturday!

I'm the wealthiest man in the world!

- Ah, Finn. I've been meaning to have a talk with you.

- Can't kiss Tilly anymore, she's on strike.

- No, no, I was wondering if you'd like

to earn a little spare money over the holidays?

- Well, I need two more bob.

- Oh, I was thinking of a fair whack more than that.

Would you care to step into by humble abode?

(piano playing) (toy train whistle blowing)

I'm bored, Finn, bored to sobs.

I want to be out in the real world.

Partaking of real life, Finny, will you teach me

the noble art of fisticuffs for five shillings an hour?

- I don't think I've ever enjoyed earning five bob more.

Everything I've thunk up to do to Snootle

ever since I seen him pashing away with Tilly,

I was now getting paid five bob to do by Snootle himself.

Life can be very rewarding sometimes.

Snootle, wakey, wakeys. - Excellent, Finn!

- Same again tomorrow, same fee, five shillings.

- That's okay with me, nice place you got here, Snootle.

Swap you anytime. - Really?

How quaint, Finn if you do forgive me,

I was wondering if you might also,

for a similar fee... - Name it.

Wrestle a crocodile, anything.

- Take my revolting little sister

to her dancing class tomorrow afternoon?

I'm supposed to but I'd prefer to go

to the World Weight Championship down at the stadium,

down among the real people. - Dancing class?

What, up on Snob Hill? - Yes.

- Well, I was going to go to the fight myself

but I suppose you can't have everything.

- Too true. - It was good

how things worked out for the best

in the end and for the money I'd get from the dancing class,

I could buy mum a big box of milk tray chocolates

for Mother's Day. (dog barking)

- What are you doing, you scally wag?

- Pal, come back, it's a hanging offense please come back.

- Come here, ya mongrel! (dog barking)

- Hound of Satan, it's off to the dog pound with you.

Oh please, your highness, I'll pay for the sausages.

It's not a question of payment or of sausage.

It's a question of the law. - That's right.

It's a question of the law. - Oh, please.

Awww

- Don't worry son, you can keep the sausages.

- Thanks,

Isn't there any way out, Mr. Claffey?

He's the only pal I got left, all of me mates

is out on strike. - Well, you could

make a contribution to the Police Widows Fund.

- How much? - A quid.

- I haven't got a quid, how about the sausages!

- 15 bob, a lot of grieving widows.

- All right.

(Coins clink)

- Nicely cost me a packet, little mongrel.

I'll never get me crystal set now.

- Hubert, where on earth have you been all this time,

young man, out on the streets instead of weeding the garden?

Your father and I have been worried sick!

Haven't we, John, John? - Just right.

- Aw mum, I can explain. - I am not interested

in your explanations any more!

Now you get upstairs this instant

and without any supper young man

and you can spend the whole day tomorrow weeding the garden

and mowing the lawn and cleaning the guttering

and washing the dishes and raking the leaves.

Do you hear me? - Yes, mum.

- Ah well, you can't win them all.

Wish I could win a few, though.

If it was raining gravy I'd be holding a fork.

Cripes, I'm hungry.

- Tastes of grit

No criticism intended, my dear. - No.

Of course not dear, I understand.

- Tastes like a dog's chewed it.

- I lost all the next day doing slave labour around the yard

for mum, at the end of it all, I reckon she'd be hard put

getting a box of milk tray chocolates out of me

for Mother's Day, box of jaffers if she was lucky.

I snuck off at a late hour to kick Snootle in the face

for money and there it was, another five bob

and once again, the crystal set seemed in me reach

but I shuddered to think what I had to do next to get it.

- One, two, one, two, three, one, two, one, two, three.

Feel the music. - My Sunday best

wasn't good enough for the twerps up on Snob Hill

and I put a few of them down on me list.

- Don't you know how to comb your hair?

- Listen I don't want any more of your lip.

Count yourself lucky you ain't being trod on yet.

- That's no way to speak to a lady.

You're nothing but a low, common brute.

- I'm better at tango than you are, that's for sure.

- Why are you so melancholy, I always feel drawn

to melancholy men. - What?

Several reasons, one is, I should be

at the Welter Weight fight, instead I'm here

in this monkey suit, making movements no human being's

ever intended to make. - I know what you mean.

Dancing is so pointless, so why didn't you go

to the Welter Weight fight? - 'Cause I gave me word.

Finn's word is his bond and besides,

I'm getting paid five bob. - Five bob?

Is that all I'm worth? (Finn shushing)

I though you were doing it because you liked me.

I've never been so insulted in all my life.

- Now look, don't get me wrong.

- I say, is this chap giving you a spot of bother?

Should I cut in? - Oh, rack off!

- [Teacher] Turn, turn, turn. - Don't cry.

- I've never been so humiliated.

- I say, look here. (children fighting)

- Get out, you hooligan! (girl crying)

- It was the last five bob I'd get out of Snootle.

So the crystal set was in jeopardy once more

and I know I should've felt glum but I didn't

because I'd just put a large fraction of the upper class

in St. Vincent's Hospital and that felt good.

At the end of the day, there was 10 bob

in the kiddie, seven and six to go.

There was still one hope for a killing.

Maggie McGraw and her message.

I would go there first thing in the morning.

♪ But she's a mean, mean woman ♪

♪ She's as mean as can be ♪

- Well hello gentlemen, my doors are always open to you.

- Your gun, Maggie.

♪ She's a mean, mean woman, she's as mean as can be ♪

- Well, we got you cold this time, Maggie.

Running a sly grog shop, you'll be charged

with serving liquor to a minor.

- Who's a miner? - You're a minor.

- I've never been down a mine in my life.

- Cease and desist, Mr. Finn. - Ah, let him go, Claffey.

He's only here to run a message for me.

Here's 10 bob for you, kid.

- Oh, Maggie. - All right, you riff raff.

Come on. (arguing)

♪ I am a mean, mean woman ♪

♪ I am as mean as can be ♪

♪ I'm really terrible ♪

♪ I am a mean, mean woman ♪

♪ I am as mean as can be ♪

♪ Take it away, boys ♪

- Son, they've been docking me 10 bob a week

down at work because of lower company profits

and I haven't had the heart to tell your mother

and that new Malley's mangle means a lot

to her and tomorrow's Mother's Day

and if she doesn't get it this time

our lives won't be worth living Hubert.

She's a fine woman, your mother

and I'd hate to disappoint her.

Wouldn't we, son? - How much, dad?

- A quid with what I've got saved.

I'll make it up to you, just you see.

There's a horse running on Wednesday at Randwick

that's a dead set stone morril.

You can trust your old dad. (melancholy music)

- Oh John darling, oh you shouldn't have.

Oh, it's just what I always wanted.

- Yes my dear, I know. - Oh, how could you afford it

on your wages, I'll never say anything against you again.

My husband and provider and what did you get me, young man?

- I'm sorry, I forgot. - Well,

you can forget all about your Sunday dinner then,

can't you? - Yes, mum.

Gee, I felt like a swan down a sewer for a bit

and being paid in Monopoly money.

People were looking down on me.

Was this miserable crystal set worth it?

Would I sink even lower in social status?

Four and a half days left 'till the first test starts

in England and I'm back to scratch.

I look like mad for the silver lining

but maybe it took Sunday off. - Poor old Fat.

Perhaps we have been a bit hard on him.

- Yes, it's a terrible thing to see any fellow human being

sink so low. - He needs us.

And I guess we need him, too. (children laughing)

- [Finn] Ya coulda knocked me down with a feather.

There I was, the lowest of the low

but still my mates took me back.

They were true good Samaritans.

Every man Jack of them. (children singing)

- Want a ride, Tilly? - I wouldn't ride with you

if you paid me. - Come on, have a ride.

Give yourself a thrill. - No.

- I got my eye on you, Tilly, I think you're real pretty.

- Go away, you stink worse than Bucephalus.

- Get in or do you want Finn to get the treatment?

- You leave Hubert Finn alone.

He's twice the man you'll ever be.

- Hubert Finn, that little maggot.

I'll leave him alone if you get in, won't I?

- Hey, watch this, come on, Bucephalus.

Bucephalus, Bucephalus, onto Canterbury Double.

I read that in a book, you know.

- Stop skitin', you can't read!

- Hey! - Quit showin' off!

Hey, slow down! (bells chiming)

Car horn honking)

(girl screams) (breaks screech)

(loud crash) (bird shrieks)

- All right, all a bit of a laugh, hey.

- Now you've done it, ya big lair.

Fat! - Hi, Till!

Why you puffin'? - You're up against fed.

Bruiser just got a ticket for speeding!

- What? - A 10 shilling ticket.

Claffey estimated his velocity at 40 miles an hour.

It was on the corner of Lange and Wattle.

- What were you doing that far south?

- I was with Bruiser, he gave me a ride in his goat cart.

- Oh, did he now? - Yeah.

- I see, I see it all, blow me down.

You're a fickle female, just like all the rest.

- But he said if I didn't get in the cart...

- I don't care what he said, Till.

You're a turncoat, let's have a confer.

- Gonna do something about Bruiser.

Something drastic, not you, you're a turncoat.

Probably spying for Bruiser, ain't ya?

Yeah, tell him about everything on your next ride.

- No, Fat. - Get out of it.

Now how are we going to Murphy?

(boys all speaking simultaneously)

Gotta win that crystal set. (wood creaking)

(yawning) Good morning. (birds chirping)

- Cripes, what's in this, Headlights?

- Three Cauliflowers from the garden next door,

two of grandma's old petticoats,

God rest her soul, eight month's worth

of the daily skips from under the house

and six Gideon Bibles. - Six Gideon Bibles?

- Yes, I think the goats like the thin paper.

- (whispering) Keep it down, fellas.

Ugh, I think I stepped in a custard apple.

- Gah, no custard apples in Wooloomooloo.

- Dog's poo more like.

- Okay, everybody ready to go?

- Yeah. - Too right.

- Aye. - Right-o.

Seasy, it's up to you, you know I'd go myself

but you're the littlest. - That's all right, Fat.

- Let me give you me secret grip for luck.

Should old acquaintance be forgotten,

you're a better man than I am Gangadin.

- Here we go into the wild blue yonder.

See you around. (patriotic music)

♪ In the battle for liberty ♪

♪ Let us all stand together and smite our country's foe ♪

♪ And we'll all sing together as we go ♪

♪ Here we come, see them run ♪

♪ Our brave Aussie boys will overcome ♪

♪ On the beaches and in the air ♪

(pigs oinking)

♪ We'll win the battle once we're over there ♪

(chickens clucking)

(whispering) Quiet. (bird sings)

You too. (animals all making noise)

- Shut up, ya mongrels or I'll skin the lot of yous alive!

- Well, they did what you said.

Nice to see somebody does. - Oh bag it.

- [All] Oh wow!

- Look at him! - You like, what's his name?

- Bucephalus. - Are ya hungry Bucephalus?

Look, knickers!

♪ Stand up and fight for the right to be free ♪

♪ In the battle for liberty ♪

♪ For they'll rue the day that the Aussies came their way ♪

♪ For we're marching to victory ♪

- Bucephalus, speak to me, mate.

Speak to me! (goat burps)

Bucephalus, no. (goat burps)

Come on out Finn, come on out and fight like a man.

One hand tied behind me back. - What?

- You leave Hubert alone or you'll cop this, Bruiser Murphy.

- Ah get out, it's none of your business.

- It is so my business, I live next door.

- Leave her alone or you'll get a snoot full

of itching powder, Murphy! - Come on down, Finn.

Come on down and fight fair, one hand tied

right behind me back. - Not today, Bruise.

I've got to get me beauty sleep.

Make it tomorrow. - When tomorrow, Finn?

- Tomorrow midday at the gym, lunchtime

but do it right, bring along your seconds

and choose your weapons and that.

- Me weapons is these, bare knuckles

and you better order an ambulance

'cause it won't be much of you left

except the few blood stained rissoles

spread over half a mile. - You want to bet?

- Tomorrow at midday, Finn, to the death.

- Till. - Yes, Fat.

- Thanks Till, you didn't have to do that.

- I'm not a turncoat, Fat. - Course you're not.

Didn't mean that, I was just belly-aching

about the world in general. - Why'd you say you'd

fight him, Fat, he'll skin you alive.

- I thought I might make a few bob bettin' by proxy.

Bettin' Bruiser'd beat me, few more bob to bet

on the goat race. - He'll skin you alive, Fat.

- Yeah, I know, no way out though, Till.

♪ Behold the silver lining ♪

♪ Where there are clouds and fields in the sky ♪

♪ Remember somewhere the sun is shining ♪

♪ And so the right thing ♪

- I wish you'd sing some other song.

♪ Makes it shine for you ♪

♪ A heart full of joy and gladness ♪

There had to be a way out, which didn't make me look

like a yellow belly in front of my circle

of acquaintances but I was blowed

if I could see what it might be.

Until fate in the guise of Snootle reared it's ugly head.

- Finn, Finn. - Hi there, Snootle.

I'm sorry I put all that dance class in hospital

but I was provoked! - Don't worry, Finn.

How's this, hey, hey? (punching wall)

- Five bob okay this lesson? - Only if you stay

on your feet, is that agreed? - Right-o.

No, no, no, blimey. - No I've been taking

additional instruction from Jimmy Sharman.

The master, how am I? - You ain't bad.

You ain't bad at all. (ding)

(multiple children speaking)

- Place your bets here, ladies and gentlemen.

You're just in time for the big fight.

- Bruiser Murphy, five, four and Fatty Finn, three to one.

(children cheering)

- Hey Finn, hope you got an ambulance waiting.

(children booing)

- That's my boy! - I hope this'll work.

- So do I. (children booing)

(children cheering)

- You're doing the wrong thing, Fat.

He'll break your back, Bruiser said,

do you want to throw in the towel?

If you do, you'll be able to get on the goat race tomorrow.

- Listen, frog face, I'll be at the goat race

in good health tomorrow. (children cheering)

- Ah, not in my pants, you drong-o!

On me face! (children cheering)

Oh, sorry Headlights. (bell dings)

- You know all the rules, no thumbs up the nose,

no biting off ears, if punched on the nose

in normal cause of combat, no bleeding

on your opponent's eyes and may God have mercy

on Hubert Finn, all right, shake hands.

Come in fighting. (children cheering)

- I feel a little faint, I'm afraid I'll have

to send in my second. - Hey?

- He's not gonna fight and he's gonna

send in a substitute. - He can't do that.

- Oh yes he can, according to the rules of duelling,

which I just happen to have on me.

- Well Bruise, I'm afraid he's got you cold.

Send in the second. - What?

♪ Here we come, see them run ♪

♪ Our brave Aussies boys will overcome ♪

♪ On the beaches and in the air ♪

- There's something brewing. - Snootle?

Let's go.

- I say, this is quite an occasion. - Listen!

Just watch his left! - All right.

Shake hands and come in fighting

and God help us all. (bell dings)

♪ Stand up and fight for the right to be free ♪

♪ In the battle for liberty ♪

- Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, out!

(children cheering)

- Son, hey son, the family name's in ruins.

We just let five quid cold , you better

win the goat race tomorrow, otherwise we will have to move

and make a fresh start in Queensland.

- Oh no, not that, dad. - It's that serious, son.

- I'll win, I promise, by hook or by crook.

- I'm bettin' my savings on ya son.

So don't you lose. (children cheering)

- And what a glorious turnout for this great event.

The annual old school boy goat race.

Thousands of spectators, the grandstands chock-a-block

with celebrities, I can see Mo McKaky talking

to premiere Lang and Sir Isaac Isaac's the governor general

and colourful King's Cross figure Maggie McGraw

out on bail. - Good luck, Fatty!

- Keep away from Bruiser, he's in a bad mood

and I reckon he'll try anything.

- John, I don't want to look, he's going to lose.

I know. - There, there.

We've all got to lose some time.

- Yes but we seem to lose all the time.

- [Children] (chanting) Bucephalus, Bucephalus!

(trumpets sound)

- Ready, set, you all know the rules!

Get to the finishing line by hook or by crook, go!

- (speaking quickly and indistinctly)

(crowd cheering) (upbeat music)

- Here come the goats!

- Good luck Mr. Murphy.

- Come on, go, come on, go. (men screaming)

Mr. Chaffy, look out! (policeman moans)

(Finn screams) - Oh, bum.

(Tilly screams) (children giggle)

(horn honking) (Tilly screams)

- It's stinky in here, someone get me out! Heeeelp!

(crowd cheering) - Oh, oh I do hope he wins!

Although he really doesn't deserve it.

- Why not, dear? - Oh, I was so upset

that he didn't buy me a Mother's Day present.

- Em, I have something to tell you.

- Activate Plan C! - Activate Plan C!

(woman screams) (crowd cheers)

- Don't hit me, dad, we'll try

and make a go of it in Queensland.

- It's all right, son, don't worry.

I knew I could depend on you.

So I put all me money on Fatty Finn.

We cleaned up, son, thanks to you being a born loser

and there's your share. - [Announcer] The under 12

Goat Race Chalice to Hubert Finn.

(applause and cheering)

- Three cheers to Fatty! - [All] Hooray!

- Hip, hip! - [All] Hooray!

- Hip, hip! - [All] Hooray!

(children all speaking simultaneously)

- Congratulations, Fat.

- Gee thanks, fellas.

You been real good friends. (boys all speaking)

You too, Till. - That's all right, Fat.

- Look at Bruiser, you really beat him this time.

- Well, I better shoot off. - Why?

- To get me crystal set.

A terrible presentment had slipped into me gullet

and it wouldn't go away, I break into a trot

but the faster I went, the crooker I felt.

I suppose I could have took a taxi

but being broke is habit forming.

(upbeat music)

- Another customer came in a matter of moments ago

and made me an offer I couldn't refuse.

I sold him the crystal set. (sad music)

Business is business. - Yeah.

Fat lot of good it did me using me enterprise.

- Ya didn't win this time, Finn.

No one who cheats Bruiser Murphy dies happy.

- [Finn] Well, what's the use in moping?

I had all my wins so I bought a bottle of KB

for the old man. - Cheers, Hubert.

- And a late Mother's Day present for mum.

(gleeful music)

♪ Our Don Bradman, now I ask you, is he any good? ♪

And so I've got me crystal set.

'Cause dad hawked mum's mangle to the pawnbroker

but dad's got a second job now driving Taxis

to get the mangle back and I sat up all night listening

to Don