Original subtitles

Okay.

Yeah.

You want those off?

Have I been too bad?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

Oh yes!

Chelsea is such a handful.

Because I don't need to tell you that, do I?

You see her.

You see everything.

She acts out. She's profane.

She sleeps with other girls.

I don't even know where to start with that one.

Right now, she's out. I have no idea where she is. She just disappears.

I hate being alone in this.

Please get out. I didn't jizz in your face.

I've looked, by the way.

And Leviticus calls down from Gabriel's hut and shouts, Oh, we will be

cast out of the kingdom of glory, and yea, though you know fornication, only

empty pleasure the Lord shall turn away from ye.

For those men who lay with men as if they were women and women who lay with

women as if they were men shall never be saved. They shall be kept from the Holy

Land and cast out into the wilderness and into the wicked realms to receive

their due punishment.

And there shall be no home for them in the Lamb of God.

And no sleep do them. Only sorrow and no family may keep them home.

Fucking lunatic. Mom, where...

I guess I'm coming with you then.

My place is a little off.

Fine, I'll figure it out.

Hi. Are you having a change?

No.

I don't have anything.

Come on. I know you have something in there.

I have a dime.

Here.

Thanks. You're welcome.

Excuse you. What do you think you're doing?

What else do you have in there? Huh? What the fuck? What else do you have in

there? Hey!

How are you? What's in there? Huh? Come on. Show me what's in there. Nothing.

Calm down, okay?

Now, if you could, could you just kind of walk away from it?

Thank you. Thank you, my child. Thank you.

Holy shit, he looks just like Jesus Christ.

Well, my child, I have been known to hurt people.

Dear Father, I thank you for all the blessings in my life.

My family, my shelter.

I must ask a huge favor.

If you could please look over my daughter.

She has sinned again.

Close your eyes.

Do not look upon my blinding light lest you are pure.

But, well, I am pure.

You cast your own daughter out. You turned against family. And this is a

mortal sin.

Close your eyes.

But she... Doesn't matter.

Close your eyes.

Okay. Open your eyes.

My lord, is it really you?

Can I kiss your feet?

No. No, no, no.

Only the purest may hit the feet of the Lord.

And I believe we have established, not only spiritually,

but in the evil, evil fashion that you

are not so pure.

You are like the snow outside of R. Kelly's cabin in

the wintertime.

pretty nasty.

I'm sorry, my lord. I'm not sure who that is.

Was he the 13th disciple?

Silence!

It is not enough to want the earth impure as you do.

You must learn the purification of your soul.

Your soul needs purification.

You need to not only save yourself.

Not only save your daughter, but try saving your family.

You must.

Sorry, got a tickle in my throat.

I'll do anything, my lord. Anything that you ask.

You need to forgive your daughter and bring her back home.

Forgive Chelsea?

My lord. Lord, she is a bigger sinner than I. Not only did she dishonor her

mother, but she... A lesbian?

Aren't you two?

Me? Oh, my Lord, with all due respect, I am not a lesbian.

Not even a little?

Well, no.

I mean, though if you see that I am, I must be.

It has been quite some time since I've been with a man. I mean, 18 years, but I

just haven't looked at it like that.

And I do enjoy a good bout of women's tennis on TV every once in a while,

Look, enough.

Enough.

All you needed to know is that the apple does not fall too far

from the tree.

You are a lesbian.

There is nothing, nothing that should stop you from

helping your daughter come home and try to be able to live in the kingdom

of heaven with me, the resurrection, the light.

Hork, hork.

Hork, hork?

Enough now.

You need to go find your daughter and follow your own vaginal impulse.

Find Chelsea?

I wouldn't have the slightest idea where to start.

Couldn't you just tell me where she is?

You rely upon me for everything?

You want to make no effort?

Have you no passion for your own daughter?

I understand.

And my Lord, I'll do anything that you require.

Could you just give me a hint, maybe?

You know what?

I am a Messiah.

And Lord, I will help you this time.

Now, Chelsea has been living.

Do you apologize? Oh, God, no. I'm just looking for my daughter.

Your daughter?

Yes, yes. Jesus sent me. Jesus.

Jesus? Yeah.

You Catholic?

Why don't you say something?

Oh.

I haven't seen her like this, but yeah, I've seen her.

Yeah? Where?

She was here a couple nights ago.

A friend brought her over for a party. She stayed the night, but she was gone

the next morning.

Jesus. Any idea where she might have gone?

Nope.

She left with my car. My car is gone.

Thanks for reminding me, by the way.

Oh, don't. I don't drink.

It's okay.

Jesus was a winemaker, so, you know, alcohol is okay in his book.

Plus, looks like you could use a couple.

Thank you, Lord.

Baby Jesus.

Our Father.

Please help my friend Marla find her baby girl.

Someday find mine, too.

What, you lost your daughter, too?

You want me to talk about it, but you can't drink?

Drink it!

Oh.

Yeah.

Plus, it takes me about three minutes to talk about Heather.

Better drink up.

Ross, I'll get wrong. You won't like me when I'm wrong.

To our girls.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I used to be just like you.

Uptight.

Religious.

You'd think my daughter needed to be just like me in order to live a good

and serve the Lord.

When she was little, everything was okay.

She loved Catholic school.

She loved to pray.

We used to go to Mass every Sunday, and she'd bow down and rub her little

rosaries and eat her little sacrament.

It was beautiful.

All that time spent with them nuns.

She was learning something else besides how to serve the Lord.

She was learning how to serve women.

Not just in spirit.

In the flesh, if you catch my drift.

Well, I'm not sure that I do.

Yes, you do, Marla.

Your daughter's gay as cotton candy.

And you pushed her away because of it.

I didn't push her away.

That's not what she told me.

She said he kicked her out on the street like a dog.

Now listen, I don't think I like your tone.

You listen to me.

You listen good.

I pushed my daughter away just like you did.

You know how long it's been since I've seen my daughter?

Three years, Marla. Three fucking years.

That's three birthdays, three Christmases, three Easters.

I didn't get to spend with my little girl.

And why?

Because I called her a dyke.

And she was ashamed.

were ashamed that she was... You can't even say it, can you?

Gay.

You're right, Marla.

You're right. Yes, I was ashamed that she was gay.

Just like your daughter's not the only one you're ashamed of.

I'm not sure I follow you.

I was ashamed of my...

you're ashamed of.

Why would I be ashamed?

I mean, because I pushed her away?

No.

For this.

You're as gay as a Puerto Rican parade, Marla.

Gay as submarine.

And as soon as you can admit it, you're going to be able to find your little

girl.

Well, you know, I think I should go. Really? Thank you.

I was ashamed of her and who she really was.

too much clothes.

You get that?

So good.

Didn't you hear him?

How do you do this?

I can't get that pussy out. It's all pink.

This is good.

Yeah.

I command you to look upon me.

No. My shame is too great. I could not bear it.

But you have no reason for shame. If anything, you should be rejoicing.

Rejoicing? I laid with a woman. That goes against all that you teach.

It does.

Since when did I ever teach that love is a sin?

I remember teaching you exactly the opposite.

If memory serves.

In the Bible?

Look, I did not write the Bible. It was written many, many

years after my time.

It was written by men who only used it as a device for

procreation so they could have their wars.

In war, I do believe is wrong, as I do.

any violence.

But homosexuality is not violence.

It's love.

And love is what I'm about.

But you punish the wicked.

And gays are wicked.

No, they are not.

No one is wicked.

You are all love.

Unconditionally. But you say only the righteous shall inherit the kingdom of

God.

No.

Only a petty scoundrel would say something as low as that. I died for

Why would I punish you with mere petty ugliness?

I love you unconditionally.

That never changes.

A good person can love as well, can't they?

I'm confused.

The church, the Bible, they all say that.

Wait. They say those things out of fear, not love.

They say those things to control.

It is not wicked to love someone like yourself.

The only sin is to fear, not to love.

all this needless pain that was upon your face.

Oh, my Lord.

You are so merciful.

Someone's gotta be. You people are just too hard upon yourselves.

Lord, I... How was it?

Please, give me a testimonial.

It was a revelation.

I've never felt so wonderful during the act of love.

There we go.

Minus the shame, yes, very.

I only worry that you would turn from me.

Never. I think it's great when people are happy.

It's kind of the whole point.

And what about Chelsea?

Well, she wasn't there and I don't know where else to go.

It's okay.

I am a Messiah, and I shall give you a hint.

Yes, how may we help you?

You'll have to excuse my

husband. She's on the mescaline.

I don't know what that is, but I'm Marla.

I'm Rachel, and this is Polly.

Hi, Holly.

Um, I was actually looking for my daughter. I was wondering if either of

seen her... Holly!

I don't even see it.

Well, I guess we'll have to wait for it to pass.

Marvel.

Please come in.

You'll have to excuse my husband.

And me.

No, I'm okay, really. I'll just stay on. Thank you.

Oh, don't worry.

Her anuses are completely tidy.

But I can get you a pillow if you'd like.

Um, okay, that's fine.

Holly, fetch!

Coco, want a treat?

Would you like some tea or perhaps some mescaline?

We have oodle.

No, actually,

about my daughter.

What led you to believe she'd be here?

Is she a nudist?

Well, I wouldn't know.

Actually, my daughter and I haven't been forthright with one another for quite

some time.

I know what you mean.

We used to have a problem with being forthright with each other, too. But

we went to the desert and we ate peyote.

And we had vision.

And we learned what being open was really...

Have you ever tried it?

What? A peyote?

No, go ahead. No!

Nudism.

You'd be surprised how much taking off your clothes makes you truly open.

Not to speak out of turn, but maybe your daughter wouldn't have ran away if

you were more open with each other.

Wait, so you're saying if I took off my clothes, maybe I could find my daughter?

No, but Jesus is.

See, Jesus is the one that told us to be nudists so that we could

truly be happy.

Most people think that when they leave earth, they go to heaven.

But what he's really doing is bringing heaven to earth.

Everyone can enjoy it. Yes.

Do you believe?

Are you a believer?

Yes. In Jesus, yes.

He's actually the one who told me to come here.

See, Jesus is our homeboy.

Jesus built our hot rod.

Oh!

You'll have to excuse her.

It's time for her afternoon humping.

Would you like to watch?

I don't know.

Oh, come on. A couple orgasms is just what my wife needs to get your

picture out of her butthole.

Let me guess.

You want me to be naked.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And then your breath.

Good. Good.

Good.

Good.

Thank you.

Keep doing that.

Keep doing that. You're going to be fine.

That's it.

I have to go look at this.

I told you.

Wow.

Yes, I have seen her.

A few nights ago, in fact.

Really? With a mutual friend, in fact.

A friend?

Who?

Who do you think?

Come in now.

I know you're listening. Show yourself.

And ye shall receive.

Close your eye.

No, not this time. I want to see you.

But you are not pure yet. I cannot appear if you are not pure.

I had sex with a woman.

I watched a nudist hump another nudist's leg.

And I watched two women get it on in front of me. How much more pure can I

You seem upset, my love.

I am.

The nudist told me that my daughter was with you when she saw you. Does that

mean that she's been with you this whole time?

I'm always with her, as I am with everyone.

That's my deal.

If she's with you, then why send me on this wild goose chase?

Because you needed to learn.

To learn what?

That I'm gay?

Yes. And that being gay is beautiful.

Are you not interested in trying to live a life beautifully?

I don't want to be gay.

I'm just trying to find my daughter because you told me I had to. And if

been with you this whole time, why not just give her to me?

Because you have to earn her back.

You have to be truthful.

and loving.

You have to be who you are so you can understand who she

is. Then, and only then, will I let you see her again. Do you not

want my gift?

I don't know if it's a gift or a curse.

The gift is love.

Do you want it?

I give you free will.

If you choose not to love your daughter, I cannot force you.

I love my daughter.

She is the one who hates me.

Does she?

Is it you who hates her?

I don't know. I'm confused.

Well, maybe you should go ask her.

What?

Where is she?

To know all you have to do is listen.

Like any good parent should.

Chelsea.

Do you hate me?

No, I love you.

Did Jesus say to say that, or do you really mean it?

No, I really mean it.

Prove it.

Hmm.

Thank you.

Finally, he's here.

What took him so long?

I didn't... Who?

Um, I... I didn't call you.

You?

I'm Haydeuce. I'm a friend of your daughter's.

Um, I found her wandering around a couple of days ago, and...

Chelsea, do you want to tell her kind of how this went down?

I mean, the plan was for him to pull up to the window and shine the lights

in bright, and he would sneak in, you know, as we were distracting you. You

always listen to JC more than me, and I didn't think

you'd forgive me.

The question is, do you forgive me?

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Well, I guess our work's done here, Joey. You want to get the hell out of

works in mysterious ways.