Original subtitles

WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1 Allison Devine?

Everybody wanted to get out of here.

You at least had a shot.

You need to get Gertrude's death certificate.

I think I know someone who can help us with this.

This is someone I know at City Hall.

They'll get you whatever you need.

After this, I'm done.

I'm faking my own death.

My dad has a new girlfriend.

We're going to set up Pete.

I do not want to sleep with Diane.

Excuse me?

Him and Kevin were joking.

- To who? - To not drinking alone.

Everything's going to be fine.

It's the security footage from Vermont, right?

Ugh.

Hello.

- For who? - Huh?

I-I thought you said "good morning."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

You're too much!

I just came by to bathe with your father.

You know, two birds, one stone.

What are the birds?

And what is the stone?!

- Ugh. - Better take this out.

It lets me hear,

but it doesn't mix well with sudsy Pete water.

Yeah. Wouldn't want it to zap your brain and kill you.

Oh! I know I'd be laughing, but I can't hear you!

Ah! I didn't say that!

That is so out of context!

And what is that doing in there?

- A hit job. - What?

I'm just reading the article, which you stole from me!

There's a whole paragraph in here

about your high school swimming career

from like a thousand years ago!

And a picture!

That space could've been used for my quips, goofs,

and timeless maxims.

Where are my maxims, Allison?!

"She was poised to have her own legacy

but chose to end her swimming career after her junior year."

Ooh. Allison didn't finish something.

How is that news?

"You can find her working at the Defto's package store."

A real blow.

What the hell? I don't even work there anymore.

I mean for me.

But I have figured out a way to take back my narrative.

The Worcester Wild Dude has been put in charge

of the city's Fourth of July fireworks display this year,

and it seems like a sure fire-way to bring back

all the deep respect which I so richly deserve.

I'm gonna reply in a way that sounds like I'm listening,

but I'm really not.

That's the spirit!

Hey, uh, Neil's coming over later

to help me sync up explosions with random Aerosmith songs,

so...

Ah. A little waxy.

The caller you've reached is unavailable.

Hi. Hi.

Uh, this is, uh, this is Sam's friend Alli...

Al... ice. Alice.

Uh, he told me that you could help me out with some documents

from city hall.

Anyway, let me know if you can meet up tonight.

Okay. Thank you. Bye.

Oh.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Hm.

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.MY-SUBS.com

Oh. Hi.

You didn't tell me you were coming over.

I know.

And you cut your hair.

I had to do something.

It feels like something's off,

and this seemed like a dramatic gesture or whatever.

The haircut?

No. Coming over.

I've barely heard from you since my birthday.

I'm sorry. I-I just... I've been busy.

Since when are you too busy?

You once texted me while arresting someone.

It's just... It's just bad timing.

- I'll call you later. - No.

No, you won't.

Is there something, like, goin' on?

Yeah.

I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this.

I just never figured it out.

So I didn't talk at all.

Okay. Can you...

I'm just gonna say it.

Okay.

And think abot how you want this to go

before you respond.

Tammy, just say...

Do you want to move in with me?

I just like having you around. That's all.

Actually... you might be the best thing in my life,

and I want to spend all my time with you.

I think it could be really good for both of us.

Okay. You can respond at some point.

Uh...

Well, um...

I'll call you later.

I heard you and Chuck patched things up.

Patched like a Band-Aid on a bullet hole.

Good for you. No one stays together anymore.

You bet.

I know that thing with Tanya seemed bad,

but... you know, I love my Miller Lite.

But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna sip from some Sam

- if there's an open bar. - Buddy, there's a line.

I am talking to...

Yeah. Excuse me.

Uh, tell Chuck, um,

he still owes me for his bowling dues, okay?

Thank you.

Guy's been my doctor since I was 2.

Even then, I knew he was a dick.

Six-pack's $7.89.

That's two dollars cheaper than usual.

I, um, I used my employee discount for you.

Just this once. Don't get used to it.

Well, shit.

♪ Go out on the town and see what's happening all around ♪

Hi.

Wow.

Yeah. Well, not the worst answer I was expecting.

Well, I think it's generous, considering.

Y-Yeah. No. I agree.

But you just kind of walked away the other night.

You're not gonna tell anyone, are you?

I'm not gonna tell anyone.

I'm not sure anyone would believe me anyways.

Thank you.

And thank you for putting me in touch with the city hall guy.

I, uh, left him a message.

He texted me, and he's gonna get me what I need tonight.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I just need to find $100 somewhere, but...

No.

No what?

I'm not giving you the money.

I didn't ask for it.

- Okay. - No. I didn't.

No, but you said it in that way you always do,

where I know what you need, so I just give it to you.

Okay, but that's not what I'm getting at.

That's just what you do.

Yeah, and maybe that stuff was worth it

when I thought we might actually be together.

Wow.

Uh... huh.

Everything okay?

Hmm?

You look lost.

Oh. Uh... Um, no.

I just...

Um... would it be cool if I kind of hung out

and drank one of these here?

Technically that's illegal.

Right. Yeah. S-Stupid.

But I do it all the time.

Knock yourself out.

Thanks.

Hey, um... would you want one?

Um...

What...

What'd you do?

I didn't do... I just grabbed a beer. I didn't do anything.

Patty will be here soon, so I'll be out of your hair.

It's fine.

You're still gonna meet up with this guy?

Yeah.

Why? Is he scary?

I don't know. I only texted with him.

I got his number from one of Jenn's uncles.

I sent him money.

He made my liquor license happen.

Mm.

You know, Allison... you don't have to do this.

Yeah, I know Kevin's a clown, but...

I'm not doing this 'cause my husband's a clown.

You can get out of here. I know how to lock up on my own.

I already sent Maggie and Jesse home.

But, um, I'm gonna stick around, just in case anyone wanders in

and needs a place to wait for the power to come back on.

What kind of idiot wanders into a dark restaurant in a blackout?

♪ Who let the dogs in?! ♪♪

♪ Who, who, who, who, who! ♪

Why, why, why?

Well, I tracked your phone location,

and I realized that this empty diner

is the perfect spot to spend a blackout.

Infinite food, ample seating.

And Lorraine to throw to the angry hordes as a sacrifice.

What?

It's one of Kevin's less funny bits!

Lorraine lost her hearing aid,

so today's been a bit of a struggle.

She did? 'Cause I found...

Oh, no, no, no. No... No time.

Uh, we've got to get this dump

turned into a luxury shelter ASAP!

Sammy, you got any screws to hang a projector screen?

I'm looking to fire up my "Blue Bloods" DVDs.

There's no electricity, Kevin.

Uh, correction, Sam.

They have no electricity the rest of Worcester...

Because they don't have Kevin's generator.

We, on the other hand...

- You have a generator. - Yeah.

Well, it doesn't seem like it,

but Kevin is prepared for any disaster.

Otherwise, he'd die first.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

Oh. What are you doing here?

Allison told me to come.

She didn't say there'd be other people here,

even though she knows I hate other people.

Everyone, it is time to revel in our electricity

and superiority.

All right. Now, where do you put the batteries in this bad larry?

Oh, no.

The what?

Yeah. What?

I took all the 9-volts

out of our smoke detectors for this thing.

It doesn't take batteries. It takes gas.

Like that riding mower you got that chopped Neil's toe off.

I apologized for that, Patty.

Yeah... You said "Que sera"

and threw his toe in my yard somewhere.

Please tell me you found it.

Uh... yeah.

Patty, let's go find some fuel.

Allison, be reasonable! It's a blackout!

I can't send two helpless women

out into the post apocalyptic wild to die

because I made the first mistake of my life.

Kevin, your father's a priest, and your mother's a nun.

Think about it.

Your whole life was based on a mistake.

Oh... All right. I...

Go look for gas, then!

Okay.

- You're leaving me? - Yeah.

It'll be a blast. Kevin's a real clown.

It's true.

Even my tears are funny.

What are you doing? Volunteering to help Kevin?

No, I'm not.

I'm getting the death certificate.

Tonight.

- Gertrude's. - Wait. How?

Sam got me the number of this shady guy at city hall,

and he texted me back saying that for 100 bucks,

he could get me the paper.

So... we should go.

Okay.

W... Really?

Yeah. Let's do it.

I-I thought you were gonna say

that we should wait for the electricity to come back on

or for you to find a Valium.

Ah. I don't think it'll be any less sketchy

if we wait till the lights are on.

Besides, I got to do something

instead of sitting at home in the dark, stuck in my head.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Nothing. Let's go.

Oh, shoot.

I forgot to steal money from Kevin.

I don't have any cash on me.

We'll stop at the salon. It's right there.

Okay.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

Nice haircut, by the way.

Thank you.

Sammy, my man.

I'm gonna make some popcorn as soon as we get this genny going.

Question for you...

Do you have any butter, hopefully of the tub quantity?

Yeah. In back.

- Great! - But... No! Don't go in there!

Don't stand between a man and his butter, Sam!

Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sammy... are you living here?

No.

Oh, Sam, the mattress is imprinted

with the outline of your ripped bod.

Thank you.

But yeah, I've slept here a little bit lately.

Stuff at home. Just a rough patch.

Sammy, if you were having relationship issues,

you should have come to me.

I'm Mr. Marriage. Just ask my wife.

I would, but you tossed her into a high-crime area

during a blackout.

Okay. I'll do it.

Do what?

I'll take you on and save your marriage.

I'm gonna give you a true storybook ending,

just like "Romeo and Juliet."

That story doesn't end the way you think it does.

You correct your wife like that?

Yes.

And that's lesson number one.

That's not necessary, really.

Um, I'd actually appreciate it if you kept this to yourself.

Forget you saw anything.

Yeah. Loud and clear.

Whoa-ho! Whoa!

That was a very interesting sex story

you just told me in there, Sam!

And the fact that it happened just last night

with your very own wife?

Whoo! That makes it even sexier.

Wait. Something is... off.

All the lights, son.

Where's my generator?!

It was right here.

I know where it was, Neil! Where is it now?

Well, it couldn't have just walked out of here.

Uh, Sam...

Marriage lesson number two...

Don't say stuff that's insultingly obvious.

Now... if Sam's very astute observation is correct

and it didn't just walk out of here on its own,

then that means that... one of you stole it.

- Not me. - What are you talking about?

What?!

It's dark in here.

Well, it's a blackout.

Okay. You said you needed $100?

Uh, just $71.

Thank you for being honest.

Here.

This is easier than breaking into Cindy's.

It's nice to have a door.

Well, Allison, we're not breaking in.

I own the salon.

The illegal shit happens next.

Hey, someone's just handing us a piece of paper.

We're not knocking over a liquor store, so don't worry.

Okay. Okay. Here... $71.

- Do you not believe me? - Sorry.

I've had some trust issues with money

on account of, you know, my marriage.

I'm glad to hear it, actually.

Okay. Now for the illegal shit.

Okay.

Police. Open up.

Should I worry now?

Hey, Patty!

Sorry. Didn't know it was you.

Cops don't wave. Why are they waving?

They were at a party at your house last week.

Oh, God. They're gonna tell Tammy they saw us.

- Is that bad? - Well...

Unlock the door!

Well, it's very obvious that we're talking about them,

so why don't you go... Go answer the door?

Door.

Hey, Patty.

- H-Hi. - Hi, Officers.

So nice to see you again.

Right back at youse.

We spotted the flashlight,

thought it was looters, you know?

What were you two doing here?

- Well, this is my salon, and... - Uh-huh.

Yes. And we were just getting, uh, Patty's purse...

- Yes. Thank you... - And, uh, we were gonna leave.

We can give you a ride to the house.

Earn us a few extra points with one Ms. Ridgeway.

Uh... We're, uh...

We're just... We're going to our friend's house.

Gonna just kind of hunker down there.

- Shelter in place. - Shelter in place.

- Yeah. - On foot?

- Uh-huh. - Yes. Yep.

'Cause she does live quite close by.

Great. Then we can drive you.

No.

We just don't want to disturb you while you're on duty.

Ladies, stop trying to act so brave.

Let us give you a ride to the goddamn house.

In no time at all, I've transformed

Sam's depressing office apartment

into a makeshift... interview room!

Sam lives here?

Totally.

Pretty hot goss, huh?

Come on, man. You told people?

No. No, no, no. No, no.

But it'd be some pretty hot goss, right?

Look, I obviously know it wasn't you,

but I know you're protecting Diane.

Why would I protect Diane? Diane hates me.

You're clearly protecting Pete.

Why would I protect Pete? I hate Pete.

You shouldn't have accepted that doughnut.

- Now I've got your prints. - Prints for what?

You claim to have seen nothing, but did you hear anything?

What?

A generator thief says what?

"A generator thief says what?"

A generator thief says what?

Huh?

A generator thief says what?

Sorry. I can't hear you.

Tammy's a changed woman since you came around, Pat.

Always swore she'd never date another neighborhood gal...

Or a smoker.

Yeah. You got her break all the rules.

Yeah, and I swore I'd never talk to a cop

without a lawyer present, but here we are.

Hey, we should all give her a call together.

Yeah, I think... I think she would get a kick out of that.

No.

Thank you.

Jesus, it's hot.

You look like Diane getting a hot flash.

You okay?

Patty? Stop being so weird.

Just act normal.

We're... We're in a car with your friends.

You think we could roll the window down?

In February?

Yeah.

Uh, she's... she... She gets carsick.

She's... She's getting carsick.

Lovely article this morning.

What?

The profile in the paper?

I didn't know Kevin's wife was such a phenom.

Or that you worked at Defto's.

Uh, there's our friend's house, just on the corner.

We can get out here.

- Yeah. - What? It's... That's half a block.

No, we'll take you all the way there.

No, that's okay. Thank you.

Thank you.

Go. Thank you.

- Oh... - Go.

Allison, you got to get me out of this thing.

Oh. My seat belt's stuck. Hold on.

I don't care about the seat belt. I'm gonna throw up.

Stop. Get out of the car.

- Out of the car. - Okay. Okay.

Bye. Thank you.

Quickly.

Bye.

Have a good one.

- You too. - Yeah.

What is wrong with you?

I got hot.

You freaked out.

I know.

But who is this guy? You know?

He's willing to break the law for 100 bucks.

And Tammy knows those guys.

Is something going on with you two?

Kind of.

Let's just get the cops to leave.

Yeah. Thank you. The house is here.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

You're welcome, ladies!

Why aren't they leaving?

Because God hates me.

Well, whoever this guy is,

I hope he at least looks respectable.

Over here.

Ow.

Oh. I am so sorry.

I think we must have the wrong house.

Oh, you must be Alice.

Yes.

That's her.

So glad you made it.

Uh, quick question, dear, before you come in...

What are those goddamn pigs doing parked on my street?

Huh?

Yeah, 35 years of my life I gave to those city hall pricks.

My best years.

But I believed in civic duty!

And back then, you think it was some picnic

being the only woman at that place?

- Unh-unh. - No. No.

Yeah. That's right.

Geez. Oh, then I get "let go"... by e-mail!

So, uh, yeah, I guess civic duty is a one-way street.

Could have taken that place down, too.

The stuff I saw.

Mm. Yeah.

Well, I am... I am so sorry that happened to you.

Yeah, so now whenever I get a call

from someone looking for a liquor license

or some mousy delinquent and her goth friend

looking for a death certificate,

I'm like, "Hey, show me the money!"

- Goth? - Thank you.

- I changed my hair. - Bingo!

Here it is.

Okay. Oh, boy.

Slow.

What is this?

Keys.

Uh, no. I-I know.

I know they're keys, but why...

Where's the death certificate?

Oh, the records room is on the third floor,

through the clerk's office.

And here.

Take these flashlights. And good luck.

Good luck?

Yeah. Power's out.

No one's there.

- This is kismet. - What does that mean?

And I cannot vouch for the condition for the place,

'cause after I left, they hired someone's delinquent nephew

to take over, so...

So you want us to break into city hall?

I'm not doing it.

Right.

Right.

Thank you.

Are we really gonna break into a government building?

You heard her. She said it's the perfect time.

Shouldn't we stop and talk about this?

Where's that ever gotten us?

Sam, let's get down to brass tacks.

Why am I a suspect?

I was in here with you when the generator was stolen.

You're not a suspect.

This is time for us to work on marriage lesson number 16.

Can I be a suspect instead?

Now, Sam, what do you know about funniness?

- What? - Geez.

You sound like Lorraine ever since I stole her hearing aid.

You did? That's awful.

No, no, Sam. That is funny.

And funniness is my greatest strength.

Well, that and my muscles...

And everything else, including my brain.

So you think I need to be funny to get my wife to like me again?

Oh, absolutely not.

You're too hot to have a sense of humor.

Me, on the other hand, I am the rare exception that has both.

You need to find your thing and use it...

You know, your strength that makes you so lovable,

you can get away with whatever you want.

I don't have that.

Come on! Don't sell yourself short.

Play up that, uh, sensitive thing you got going.

You know, tell her... Tell her that you're broken.

Tell her that you guys can fix each other.

Tell her you're in AA.

I'm in AA.

Score!

- Hey, here we go. - Yep, yep.

We're doing this.

We're doing this?

Well, we got the keys. The power's out.

- It's kismet, right? - I guess.

I'm still not sure.

It'll be easy.

It makes me so nervous when you do that.

Do what?

Think things are easy when they're not.

It'd just make me feel better if you'd admit

this might not be the best idea.

Well, that just feels like negative thinking.

Ah!

Wait!

An alarm needs electricity. This thing's dead.

It's city hall.

They probably have some crazy advanced backup system

- for stuff like this. - Patty, this is Worcester City Hall.

- Look at this thing. - Don't...

See? Easy.

- Simple. - Mm.

Well, after some amateur detective work

that I'm sure even Scruff McGruff himself

would be proud of,

I've correctly deduced who the thief if.

All right. Which one of these losers was it, Kev?

Well, Neil, I'd say it's the biggest loser of all.

Because you stole the generator!

And you've lost weight recently. Congrats.

What? You can't be serious.

I'm as serious as Dad's coronary event,

which they're now classifying as "inevitable."

What?

I have nothing to leave you.

You've been sabotaging me all day.

You bailed on fireworks practice,

which is why I shot 'em too low,

which is how I blew up

that giant electrical transformer this afternoon.

Wait. So it's your fault the power is out?

No. It's Neil's fault!

Gosh. Weren't you listening?

No. I was listening.

You really believe, after everything we've been through,

I'd steal from you?

Not only do I believe it, I know it to be true!

In fact, this case is wide open and slammed shut.

Just like the car door,

which I caught Dad's hand in earlier today.

Did I apologize for that yet?

You said "Que sera."

I don't even know what it means.

Hey. Are you okay?

Whoa.

Yeah. It's very... official.

You ever been here before?

Whenever Neil has his court dates.

Wow.

So weird that Worcester City Hall is so nice

and the rest of the town's... Worcester.

It's not all bad.

- Oh. - How you feeling?

Like maybe I should've kept things off my mind tonight

by reading a nice book.

My friend Judi gave me "The Secret Life of Bees."

- Okay. - Okay.

Pull!

You did it.

Oh.

I hate it when I'm right.

I'm not finding it.

Well, it's got to be in here.

We had a small change of plans,

but sometimes you just got to roll with it, right?

Well, we didn't have a plan.

- Don't you think... - No, no. No.

Because when I think too much about something,

that's the second I start talking myself out of it, okay?

That's not true.

Well, maybe not for you, but it is for me.

You've known me for 15 years. Have I ever done anything?

- You... - No.

I can't even blame Kevin for it, 'cause it's always been true.

I make excuses, and I bail, and I make excuses, and I bail,

and, "Allison, you just always make excuses and bail!"

Jesus.

I'm sorry.

Ah.

I just need to find this thing tonight,

and I can't let a little trespassing

or some shitty nephew who can't alphabetize

- create any more excuses. - Okay.

Okay.

Okay, but you must know...

What?

Gertrude Fronch.

It is a terrible name, but I found it.

Ha!

Hang on. Wait.

W... Really?

You don't actually believe any of that?

That's bullshit.

You are not some hopeless screw-up.

- Okay. - No.

Don't do that.

I'm here.

I've been here, standing next to you.

If you're some loser who can't do anything,

I follow your lead... what does that make me?

I guess you are right sometimes.

What?

Kevin, you caused a citywide power outage,

raided my diner,

and basically held everyone in here hostage.

I think you owe us an apology.

Yeah. We're... upset.

And you should say you're... sorry?

Apologies are like tears.

Everyone has to let them out unless they're a real man.

Dad, you taught me that!

I-I never said that.

What?

How come I can't get through to you today?

Because Kevin stole her hearing aid.

- What?! - What?!

Okay. Hold on.

In my defense... it has been pretty funny.

And did you do this before or after you caused

a citywide emergency where hearing would be crucial?

Oh, way before.

You have to take responsibility for something, Kevin.

Anything.

Oh, Neil, I'm so glad that you're back

from your little... crying thing.

Will you please remind these fine people

of some of my good qualities?

I got nothing.

See, Neil kn...

Wait. What?

I guess you're pretty good at accusing people

of stealing your dumb generator.

Yeah. And causing blackouts.

Yeah. I'm starting to think that maybe I should cause a blackout.

Kill him!

What?

Uh, I... Hit him!

The lights... They're back on!

Hey, look!

Well, will you look at that?

Everyone was all mad at me,

and the generator wasn't even missing!

It was right here, under this table!

Oh, I bet you all feel real stupid now.

But how did it get over there?

It's on wheels, D. It must have just rolled.

Sam, you're probably gonna want to level out this floor.

That's a real hazard.

You're a hazard.

Ha! That's the spirit.

All right, gang.

What do you say we have some more laughs about this

over a few dozen beers, yeah?

You go ahead.

I'll catch up as soon as I level out my floor.

Don't worry, hon. We'll get you a new hearing aid.

What?

It's a good thing you're so good at sex.

Damn right I am.

Blackouts do that.

Blackouts do that.

People go nuts.

People do.

That explains all that stuff... outside.

Probably related to the whole blackout thing.

- Huh. Yeah. Totally. - Sure.

Yeah. I mean, it has to be a blackout thing.

Chuck still has his sawed-off, so...

Right. Of course.

So...

You hid the generator, right?

What?

Come on.

Pete would never.

I don't even think Lorraine knew there was a generator.

And I didn't do it, so...

♪ I found you... ♪

Are you smarter than Kevin?

Not if you ask Kevin.

Huh.

Yeah. Okay. I did.

Think of it as payback on Kevin

for trying to set me up with Pete.

Hmm.

♪ You know that's true ♪

So, what are you gonna do, rat on me?

♪ I found my someone... ♪

I'm gonna... I'm gonna go to Dunkin'.

You want anything?

Sure, if you wouldn't mind.

Light and extra sweet.

Oh. Oh, n...

No, I'm not gonna, like, get it for you.

I was asking if you want to come.

♪ Lonely days have passed ♪

Whatever.

Fine.

Fine.

♪ I'm glad I found you ♪

♪ At last ♪

It's weird wanting something so bad and finally getting it.

It's new.

Yeah.

I'm moving in with Tammy.

You are?

Yeah. She'd been acting really weird recently.

So I went over there thinking she was gonna break up with me,

but she just asked me to move in.

And you said yes?

No.

But I'm gonna.

You won't live here anymore.

Neither will you.

Hey.

I'm happy for you.

Good night, Gertrude.

Night, Patty.

Hello?

Hey. Thanks for coming by.

Hey.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Tonight was terrible.

I was so annoyed with Kevin.

No, not annoyed. I was, uh, disgusted.

Yeah. Yeah.

He kept giving me terrible marriage advice.

Like... awful things.

But I-I think...

I think I do a lot of it, and...

I don't know that I'm actually that much better than him.

You should have your job back.

It was wrong, the way I fired you.

I made it about me, and... and... I'm really sorry.

I do want to help you.

Um, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- That's okay. - No. I'm... I am so sorry.

- It's okay. - I'm so sorry.

Oh. Oh.

Okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay.

So you're still mulling how you're going to

fake your own death?

Like I said, I haven't...

figured it out yet.

Allie, you're stalling.

You haven't packed yet?

I shouldn't read into this, right?

Absolutely not.

Oh...

This is the last thing I need to do.

The last thing.

- One... - Uh-huh.

Two...

- Allison. - Yeah?

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.MY-SUBS.com