All language subtitles for Monty Python Almost The Truth 4

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And now, a short introduction from
the producers' legal representative,

Mr Abe Appenheimer.

Hello, and welcome to this documentary

containing new
and exclusive interviews

with the five surviving members
of Monty Python.

The producers wish to make it clear
that any opinions expressed herein

are those of the individuals
and hold no truth whatsoever.

Pursuant, therefore, to clause 4.6

of the Broadcasting, Video,
Television Act, 1989,

subsection 4, 3 and 2, clause...

..subject to clause 4.123,

no viewer or watcher may copy, repeat,
impersonate, mime,

either contextually or noncontextually,

any material whatsoever
in any public place

such as a street, pub, club, hotel, oil rig,
Baptist church...

Python

The legend they call Python

At first they were small

Then they grew up to be tall

The world heard of their fame

Everyone knew their name

Now it's ''Who the fuck are Python?''

''Never bleedin' heard of them''

That's why we made this documentary

So we can all make more money
from Python

We never thought it would
go to America.

l can remember a guy from WGBH
in Boston, the PBS station in Boston,

coming and meeting us

and sitting in a little room,
a little projection theatre.

He was very excited,
he'd heard wonderful things,

and wanted to see the show.

He'd had to come,

in those days there weren't DVDs,
they hadn't been invented,

and he sat with us
and when the lights went up

at the end of the second show,

he was sitting there
as though he'd seen a ghost.

l mean, he was...pale.

And we said...

And he got up and walked
out of the room and said,

''lt's been a great pleasure
meeting you guys.''

He was so frightened
at what would happen to his career

if he put this on in America.

l can't tell the difference between
Whizzo butter and this dead crab.

Yes, you know, we find that
nine out of ten British housewives

can't tell the difference
between Whizzo butter and a dead crab.

lt's true. We can't!
No, we can't! No.

- You're on television, aren't you?
- Yes, yes.

He does that thing with those silly women
who can't tell the difference

between Whizzo butter
and a dead crab.

Yes!

You try that around here, young man,
and we'll slit your face.

Yes!

With a razor.

There was a lovely woman
called Nancy Lewis who pushed us

by showing people our records

and got some of the people
in the American record industry interested.

The problem in those days was nobody
could afford to put it on public television.

They couldn't afford to convert it

from the PAL system to NTSC,

which was a very expensive process
in those days.

One day l got a phone call
from Greg Garrison.

He was the man who had produced
Dean Martin's show

and had a big success record.

They were putting together a show
which was called World Of Comedy.

Primarily, it was going to be
made up of sketches

from comedy shows all over the world

and they wanted to use some
Monty Python clips in there.

The Pythons at that stage
were really reluctant

to let anybody take clips
from their shows.

But l remember writing them
a rather impassioned memo saying,

''Look, this is a summer replacement show.
Nobody will see it.

''They only want to use little clips
and they pay a lot of money

''which will be paid to TimeLife
that would pay to convert it

''and after that the PBS stations
could afford it.''

l think it was '7 4,

before a very great pal of ours
called Ron de Villiers,

who was in charge of
the PBS station in Dallas,

finally plucked up his courage

and one night he put us out in Dallas
of all places, and, you know,

all his friends were calling him saying,
''What happened?

''Were you stoned?
Did they set fire to the station?''

He said, ''lt's all right.
There's no protest.''

Then it went out everywhere.

When the Python thing came on
it was much better,

let's say it was a whole lot better
than having to watch a sitcom.

OK. All right.
Cut him down, Mr Fuller.

Oh, you're no fun any more!

They were different and so when
l saw the show it was a huge moment

to see the freedom with which
they were doing their comedy,

but most importantly to me they were...

presupposed a level of intelligence
in their audience...

..that you couldn't do then
in America.

They got huge reaction. First of all,
it was so different from anything.

They were used to seeing
Masterpiece Theatre

and these wonderful,
noble programmes.

Here comes this completely insane
British humour show.

Suddenly, people understood
British humour. lsn't that amazing?

And now for something
completely different.

l was always excited about And Now
For Something Completely Different.

People run it down nowadays.
''lt wasn't a proper Python film.''

lt was a movie shown in movie theatres.
We went to some previews.

Victor Lownes had loved the show.

He was the Playboy Club in London
and he thought it was a great show.

He did a deal with Columbia.

He put up... l think the budget
was 80 million dollars,

no, 80 thousand dollars, is that possible?
Yes, it must have been!

He is the one who was
located in London

and a huge fan of the Pythons
and encouraged me to do the film.

They had done it especially
for the American market.

lt was the idea. They didn't want it
shown in England really.

Good morning. l am a bank robber.

Please don't panic,
just hand over all the money.

This is a lingerie shop, sir.

They got to lan McNaughton to direct
and we did the ''best of' sketches.

lt wasn't a happy experience
cos we weren't in charge of it.

We didn't have final cut.

lan tended to be drunk by lunch time
so we'd just get on with it anyway.

l know that really Terry Jones
wanted to direct it,

and was sort of, you know,

didn't feel it was how we should be doing
what we should be doing.

This is a frightened city.

Over these streets, over these houses,
hangs a pall of fear.

An ugly kind of violence is rife,
stalking the town.

Yes, gangs of old ladies attacking fit,
defenceless young men.

We twisted the arm of Columbia Pictures
and got it out here,

but it wasn't a huge box office success!

lt got some very nice reviews.
That started. lt helped.

l remember going in 197 1
on Yonge Street in Toronto.

My friend Dave Bennett took me.
Maybe we smoked something.

Maybe we didn't, but it didn't matter!

lt was just great, solid, absurdist,
out-there humour.

We have a lot of trouble with these
grannies. Pension day is the worst.

As soon as they get it,
they blow the lot on milk, tea, sugar,

a tin of meat for the cat.

lt connected really well sketch to sketch
and was just so ridiculously silly.

l am warning this film
not to get silly again!

They could leave
before you tied up the plot,

the least interesting
part of the sketch.

So, it was a huge advance.

They were very...
They just seemed very free.

''Dear Sir, l would like to complain
about that last scene,

''about people falling
out of high buildings.

''l myself have worked all my life
in such a building

''and have never once...''

lt is what it is. lt's a collection
of the first series and a bit more.

lt lacked the Python input.

So it's OK, and some of
the sketches are done quite well,

but it wasn't that interesting.

And it gave us the incentive
to want to make our own film.

l think that was the basic thing about it
which led to us saying,

''Next time we'll write our own film,
we'll direct our own film,

''and that will be fine.''

The important thing
about making a film of our own...

..as opposed to And Now For Something
Completely Different,

was that we should do something
that was more integrated.

We were aware
that if you've got 90 minutes there,

how do you get something
that runs 90 minutes,

holds people's attention for 90 minutes?

And Terry J particularly
was very keen on a story.

He and l had written various storylines
for earlier Python shows

like the Pither, the bicycling sketch.

lt almost was a full half-hour.

This idea that narrative
was very important,

that involves the audience much more,

so we can't just do sketches.

We said, ''We'll write our own film.''
So we set about writing it.

The Python way, we start to write
and all this stuff comes in.

The writing went round and round
for a long time.

How we finally honed it down
to what it was... l can't even remember!

l remember Terry and l had written,
maybe for the Python fourth series,

we'd written something about
knights approaching a castle

and talking about
the unladen swallow and all that.

''Where is your master?''
That sort of thing.

l think the coconuts
were in there as well.

A little bit of it is about
the coconuts and King Arthur.

Then another little bit
is King Arthur in Harrods

and looking for the Grail
in the grail department!

There's other bits about a boxing
championship. lt's a mishmash.

l think you'll find that about
85 per cent of it went out!

We threw away almost
all of that first draft

and gradually staggered towards

something that approached
a little bit more of a story.

We put it away and in two or three months
it was clear on rereading

that the interesting bit
was the Grail, so we said,

''All right, OK.
Toss the rest of it out.

''Second rewrite. Let's concentrate
on making this the story of Arthur.''

And people came back saying,

''Yeah, the good thing about something like
the search for the Grail

''is we could each have a character
but would also play lots of others''.

We could each be a knight but we could do
the subsidiary characters as well.

Everybody did a lot of research,
that's the good thing.

Everybody read the Grail stories
and Arthur.

We were sort of library nerds really,
all of us,

brought up to respect reference books
and all that. We did quite a bit of reading.

That's what happened
for the next two or three rewrites.

So, we have this semi-tight script
with a crap ending...

lt's such a loose story
that you can go in all sorts of directions,

but at the end you know that it is about
the quest for the Grail.

So long as we can resolve the ending
then we've got something

which appears to be a good,
strong narrative film.

lt sort of came out in about '73,

that they needed money
to make Holy Grail.

The problem with raising money
was they'd already done

And Now For Something
Completely Different.

So the idea of making another
Python film didn't seem to warrant.

Because nobody
in the British film industry as it was then,

which was essentially Rank and EMl,

were prepared to put up
anything for it.

Now we need money to finance it,

and we went to l think...

Graham had a friend called
Tony Stratton-Smith...

..who was a rock-and-roll record owner
and bon viveur.

Tony Stratton-Smith grandly said,

''Well, we'll raise the money.
We can do it.''

l think Steve O'Rourke, our manager,
knew Tony well.

And...so there was this sort of
obvious connection there.

l remember sending
the copies of the film,

our little 16-millimetre copy of And Now
For Something Completely Different,

out to various people,
bands on the road here,

some of whom didn't respond.

He got money from Led Zeppelin
and Pink Floyd definitely.

Charisma put up a chunk as well.

l think we thought it would work.

l think we were by then were fans

and it seemed like
a really, really good idea.

You can't sort underestimate
how big they were at the time.

Much, much bigger than us!

We were quite stage-struck
by the fact that these people

might even know about Python
let alone want to put some money into it!

The actual budget that was offered
to them was 150,000 pounds.

And the good news was

they were rock-and-roll people
and they didn't want to interfere.

They didn't want to read the script.

So it was great backing,
the best backing to have.

The important thing was for Python
to have complete control and final cut,

and all the things they needed
to do things in their own way.

And off we went.
lt seems, it seems forever...ago.

ls ''forever ago'' a word?
l don't know but it seems that way.

Whoa there!

Of course, Terry and l,
the two desperate filmmakers

who hadn't made films before said,

''Anybody named Terry
gets to direct this film''

and everybody seemed to agree!

We're learning, that's what's nice.

We've been given a feature film
to learn how to make films!

Charlie, you come to this mark there...
to where Sue's going.

We do tag-team directing!

When he finishes that he'll come out here
and tap me on the shoulder

and l'll rush through the action
and away we'll go.

One of the problems we had
was that we had two directors,

neither of whom had ever
directed a film before...

Plus the fact that
they were both loonies!

l think it is quite difficult
to have two directors.

l think the idea was that Terry Jones
would be doing a lot of acting anyway

therefore when he was acting,
Terry Gilliam could come in and do that.

Because Terry was playing
Sir Bedivere,

doesn't suddenly mean he's not interested
in how that scene looks.

Of course he wanted
to direct everything!

Terry Gilliam wanted to direct everything
but they had to share it!

lt didn't altogether work out.

The big difference between
Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam is

Terry Jones is much more
shooting from the hip.

lt's almost the action can flow

because he's almost shooting it
like a documentary at times.

He shoots pretty fast, on schedule
and all the rest of it.

Terry Gilliam is worrying about
the visual details much more.

lt was great for the movie
because in the movie

you get these wonderful Gilliam scenes
with the boat

so it becomes actually a movie.

Whereas Terry Jones is very good
at making sure the joke is on camera.

Terry is a perfectionist and so he'd be
spending time on getting shots.

l remember him
getting really angry with me because...

l would come out,
or maybe he was directing,

and l'd come onto the set
and we hadn't shot anything

or something like that
by ten, eleven o'clock in the morning!

So l'd start hurrying up
and getting things moving quicker.

l think Terry probably
resented that a bit.

We were trying to work out
how the two of us worked together,

which was interesting
because in preparation

he and l shared the same ideas,
and it became clear very quickly

that when we got onto the floor shooting

that we weren't saying the same thing,

which was confusing for the crew.

One Terry had come along
in the morning

and set up the lighting,
blah, blah, blah and then went off.

The other Terry came
in the afternoon and said,

''No. Don't like that. Change it.''

So Gerry Harrison,
who was the first AD,

became the common voice
between the two Terrys,

but then we discovered he was
making his own film which wasn't...

So he was saying
what neither of us was saying!

Ultimately, it settled down
with Terry dealing with the group,

the actors,

and me back with the camera
trying to set up shots and get that done.

That worked very well,
and that's how we got through the film.

But you're all treating him
with proper respect?

Well...

There's never been any mutual respect

within the Python group at all,
as you probably know,

but we are withholding a lot of the criticism
we'd normally be making.

Certain members of the group
actually exploited the difference,

the fact that we had two directors,
and would sort of say things like,

''Terry Gilliam wouldn't get us to do that.''

''Terry Jones wouldn't ask us to do that,''
if Terry Gilliam was directing.

l thought that was a bit
unfair and unhelpful.

They're doing a grand job,
well, l mean, l can't say anything.

l adore them all and everything
they do so well.

They are working very well together
and it works.

l think the others realised directing Python
was a dogsbody job

so they were happy that these
two energetic guys with the same name

could go out and do all the stuff.

You've just got to organise things

and work out what you're doing
in the morning

and it's a very thankless task.

lt was wonderful, because
l'd always wanted to be a film director

but saw no way to get there,

so when finally it's handed to us
on a plate, it's fantastic.

Now, the big one!

Come on, Concorde!

ln a movie of six weeks,
you probably do three great takes.

Others are OK.

We did one really great take.

l remember Cleese and l,
we'd be doing this,

''Message for you, sir'' scene...

Message for you, sir.

And we did a really funny take.

At the end of it,
Terry shouted, ''Cut!''

And l said, ''How about that?''
because l was really pleased with it.

Brave, brave, Concorde!

You shall not have died in vain.

l'm... l'm not quite dead, sir.

Well, you shall not have been mortally
wounded in vain.

Terry Gilliam said,
''Not enough smoke''.

That's when l get angry!

For an actor, that's fucking...
''Not enough smoke!''

l should have learned then
not to have been in Munchausen,

because there was too much smoke
in Munchausen.

When they say, ''More smoke,
more smoke'' and this kind of thing,

because we've hardly had a shot yet

that we haven't had smoke
or some arty visual effect,

we tend to ask them how many laughs
there are in smoke, you know,

just to keep them,
as it were, thinking.

But that's the only criticism l'd make.

l'll just stay here, then,
shall l, sir?

Yeah.

l think movies, like television,

attract people who are really fundamentally

fascinated by the visuals
and therefore you get a slant.

Do you see what l mean?

Even people writing about movies
tend to be slanted towards the visual.

When in fact it's a total experience,
not just a visual experience.

People say to me,
''But movies, you know...

''Movies are a visual experience''
and l say to them,

''Life is a visual experience
but here we are sitting talking.''

Bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead!

Both Terry and l were very keen
on Pasolini's films

because they were always done
in real places, you could smell them.

You feel the textures, the sounds
and everything were all real.

That was what we were trying to achieve,
just that kind of reality.

l think in the end we achieved a lot

because nobody had done
comedy like that before

where you were so immersed
in the time and place and the filth!

- Who's that, then?
- l don't know. Must be a king.

- Why?
- He hasn't got shit all over him.

The jokes worked better
if you really believe in that world

so when they say,
''How do you know he's a king?''

''Because he doesn't have
shit all over him,''

that works because the world is just

steeped in mud and filth
and depredation.

And that's... that was important
to those jokes.

Dennis! Got some lovely filth
down here.

Oh! How'd you do?

How do you do, good lady?
l am Arthur, King of the Britons.

- Whose castle is that?
- King of the who?

- The Britons.
- Who are the Britons?

lt was very, very wet
and very damp and very dirty

and there was a lot whingeing going on,

a lot of complaining,
mainly from John, l must say,

because John didn't like
discomfort at all!

There was one scene
which Terry Gilliam was directing,

when we were all in armour
and we were kneeling down.

l think it was the cow scene.
He was trying to get the composition right.

We have been charged by God
with a sacred quest.

lf he will give us food and shelter
for the night,

he may join us in our holy quest
for the Grail.

Well, l'll ask him
but l don't think he'll be very keen.

He's already got one, you see?

What?

He says they've already got one.

Are you sure he's got one?

Oh, yes, it's very nice.

l told them we already got one.

Trying to get them
to get in the right position

so we could actually have all the animals
coming over the battlement,

and their heads
weren't sticking above the matte line.

The armour was not very comfortable,

and he was really moving us
this much to the left and this...

''Can you lower your head that much?''

l remember making some remark
about the fact

that he normally does animation
with bits of card cutouts.

lt was easier to do that,
but if you were a human being

in armour that was sort of
cutting into your knees,

that there was a limit to the final perfection
that could be achieved.

All he kept doing, John in particular
and Graham grousing about

the positions l was putting them in.

We had an argument
and l think l was rude to him,

and as far as l remember
he went off...

..and lay in the shadow of a wall
for some time!

l just stormed off that day
and said, ''Fuck it.''

''You wrote the sketch, l'm trying to make
it work. lf you don't like it, fuck off.''

l went and got all humphy and sat
in the grass while Terry took over.

l think l hurt his feelings
and l'm sorry l did that, but...

That's about the only time
l've lost it with Python.

lt was as though we were
bits of cardboard cutout.

There wasn't a great understanding
that we were human beings.

lt was difficult, on Holy Grail,
for me to make the transition

from a man who commanded
paper to move

to a man who was requesting
other members of the group to move.

l don't know, l hadn't developed
the use of language

or the whip, either one,
at that point and that was difficult.

We managed to do it.

That's why Holy Grail was a very abrupt
learning experience for me

because l had to begin to be able to speak
to the others

and convince them why they should
stand in mud up to their neck!

We'd get on the hillside
at seven in the morning,

at 7:12 the rain would come down

and we'd all be huddling under this...
the knitted string chainmail would get damp.

lt was like that.
l mean, we wore woollen armour.

You could tell what time of day it was

by how far up your legs
the damp had penetrated!

Then, at the end of the day,

when the first assistant director shouted,
''lt's a wrap'',

the scurry, the rush, the scrum,

to get in a car
and get back to the hotel,

because there was only enough
hot water in the hotel

for about 50 per cent of the guests!

We were staying in the same hotel
as the crew because we were ''right on''.

So, people raced back to get their shower
or bath before anyone else!

Dirty work going on

as people were tripping each other
and trying to get in the bus.

Finally, John and l got fed up
and we moved off to this...

We found there was a hydro hotel
down the road, 25 minutes away.

We checked in there,

and there were some big hot water baths
and oh, great, great, great.

And then all the girls from
Anthrax Castle came in and we went...

''Yes! Thank you!''

Here in Castle Anthrax
we have but one punishment

for setting alight the Grail-shaped beacon.

You must tie her down on a bed
and spank her.

A spanking! A spanking!

You must spank her well
and after you have spanked her,

you may deal with her as you like
and then...spank me.

- Spank me!
- And me and me!

Yes, yes! You must give us all
a good spanking.

l've played all
sorts of things with Monty,

from sort of young girls
to old ladies,

from men to nuns to what have you.

They came to me with a script
and they said, ''Oh, Carol.

''This one is going to be
a bit difficult.

''This you might have to
work at a bit.''

And l said, ''What is it?''

They said, ''Carol, l don't know
if you'll be able to carry this off.''

l said, ''What? What is it?''

They said,
''A 19-year-old virgin, Carol.''

So, l'm trying my best!

Oh shit!

We were in the nick of time.
You were in great peril.

- l don't think l was!
- You were in terrible peril.

Let me go back in there
and face the peril.

No, it's too perilous.

But my duty as a knight is to sample
as much peril as l can!

We've got to find the Holy Grail.
Come on.

- Let me have just a bit of peril!
- No! lt's unhealthy.

Bet you're gay!

We were not being like, you know,

proper directors and producers,
being nice to people.

We were trying to get through it.
Terry and l were just exhausted.

We did have to shoot such a lot.
l mean the...

''The Knights Who Say Ni'' sequence,

starts with Bedivere and Arthur
sitting around a campfire

and l think that sequence,

the whole ''going through the woods''
sequence was shot in one day

which is like,
it's almost ten minutes of cut film.

We are the knights who say, ''Ni!''

No! Not the knights who say, ''Ni!''

The same!

Ten minutes of cut film,
that's a lot of material.

By the end of the day,
l remember Terry and l were saying,

''But, what happens next?

''Robin and his minstrels
have got to come in.

''OK, so which side should they
come in from? Oh, God!''

The cameraman didn't know.
Terry didn't know. l didn't know.

We just...
lt was work in such a panic.

Surely you have not given up
your quest for the Holy Grail?

- He is sneaking away and buggering off.
- Shut up!

No, no, no! Far from it.

l am running Holy Grail and l am worried
about the logistics,

and Terry Jones was always going,

''Jules, l wonder if...''

Then he would ask for something

that was always the impossible thing
l could never produce

and l would have to produce it!

lt was worrying
as he approached me every time.

He was mainly
in his Bedivere costume,

so l used to see this costume
coming towards me.

lt was like this dread of the costume
coming towards me.

Even when he wasn't there
and there was somebody else in it...

''Oh, God! Terry's going to ask me
for something!

''What is he going to ask me for
that l'm not expecting?

''How the hell am l going to do it
on this sort of budget?''

The budget was low on Holy Grail
but it wasn't any different from the BBC.

The budget was low in the BBC.

Filming was always a rush
to get everything filmed in time.

They were used to running around
with a 16-mil camera,

shooting sketches on Ben Nevis
or whatever.

l remember travelling around
with Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones

to look at the location.

One day, lad, all this will be yours.

- What, the curtains?
- No, not the curtains, lad!

All that you can see, stretched out
over the hills and valleys of this land.

That'll be your kingdom, lad.

We'd gone over Scotland
and over Wales actually,

and decided on Scotland in the end.

We'd chosen a whole lot of castles
all over Scotland. lt looked great.

Then they would say,
''This is great, this castle in Scotland.

''Then in the afternoon
we can travel to...

''to Killin and shoot the cave.''

And l'm saying, ''Yeah, but feature film,
we've got costumes, we've got make-up.

''We've got piles of stuff and extras!

''We can't just shoot in the morning
one place,

''travel 100 or 200 miles and shoot
in the afternoon in the other place.''

lt doesn't work like that on features.

Then, about two weeks before
we were actually due to start filming,

we got a letter from the Department
of the Environment for Scotland

telling us that we couldn't use
any of their castles

because they considered
that we would be doing things

that were inconsistent with...

..the dignity of the fabric
of the building.

That a bit of jokery might undermine

all the blood spilling
that had gone on in those castles!

l thought that was just extraordinary.

So we had to go up
the week before we started filming

to find some privately owned,
non-nationalised castles

that we could use.

The only one we really found
was Doune Castle.

Camelot!

That had to stand in
for all the castles.

lt had to stand for Camelot
and for every castle in the film.

Actually, we found it was
a great thing in the end,

because it meant we were just located
in Doune most of the time

and we didn't have to change around
which would have taken up time,

so it meant we got more done.

lt was just a strange scramble.

And in the midst of all this,
everything was going wrong,

because we get up to Glencoe,

we get up there and the first day shooting,
the camera breaks.

l had made a camera that...

..that you could carry up a mountain.

l'd had somebody engineer
a zoom front,

and we had a much lighter camera
that was an invention

that we created just for the film.

The cameraman suddenly said,
''Wait, something's gone wrong.''

He opened up the camera
and all the gears fell out

and the camera had just
sheared its gears!

We only had one camera
that was shooting sound

and the only other camera we had
was a mute camera.

So we'll shoot on a wild camera,
just get any old wild camera.

lt doesn't matter if you shoot in sync.

We've got enough noise
of explosions and smoke,

just shoot and l'll go and try get it fixed.

And what do we do?

We shoot close-ups which could have
been done in somebody's back garden

rather than shooting the expanse.

lt was great in a sense to be...

you know, much of the responsibility
was taken off of our shoulders

because anything was better
than nothing at this point.

The first week of Holy Grail,
l had planned

only to have the Pythons themselves
with their costumes

just wandering around the locale
up in Glencoe.

The end shot of the army rushing down,

and then the police stopping the army

and arresting Arthur and Bedivere,

was supposed to take place
weeks later in Stirling.

Couldn't we get the charge up here?

We wanted to do the charge
up in the West Coast.

Hazel, our costume designer said,
''We just haven't got the costumes.''

''We won't have the costumes
for another five weeks

''until the end of the shooting
to costume 200 people charging.''

So we got everybody,

everybody's child,
everybody who was around,

to hold up banners and pike staffs
in front of the camera.

A few helmets we had, so they...

You see those, l mean,
set up very, very carefully.

You would swear there's an army there
but there wasn't.

My lasting image of Terry
as a director

was Terry organising this...

We had a few passers-by
who had come to watch the filming.

There was about a dozen of them

and some little children
and things like that.

So there's Terry putting a helmet
on some little child

and giving her a spear to carry!

So, you see the army charging
which was shot five weeks later,

the 200 students,
charging down the hill slope.

Then in the frame you see
Castle Stalker

and then the army comes into shot.

lt's a head down there
and a spear up there and, of course,

it's just a little child and some children
holding spears and things.

Terry got it absolutely spot-on.

lt was madness rushing around
because we had very little transport.

Everybody was having to
drive themselves.

Everybody was exhausted.

People were going
off the roads at night.

There was a bad atmosphere on the set
and l didn't know what was going on.

The crew didn't seem very happy.
Nobody seemed very happy.

They were so cold.
They were so tired.

There were murmurings of dissent
from the crew.

lt was lovely Graham
who sort of saved the day.

We were staying at this hotel

and it was the first time
we were going to see any of the rushes.

So everyone, all the crew
was invited for the rushes.

Everyone was very grumpy
and miserable.

Graham sort of came
to the rescue straightaway,

get everybody in the right mood,
and he said, ''Right, drinks on me''.

So, of course that helped.

By the time we went to see the rushes
everyone had a few, feeling merry.

And it turned out
the rushes looked spectacular.

Just looked so wonderful.

And when they saw the rushes,

people were so astounded

by the quality they had produced

and the quantity they had produced

that they said... they all relaxed

and they said,
''Right. We're going for this.''

So the next day,
everybody was happier. ln fact,

l believe the crew actually
agreed to work for... well,

half their wages or something,
so it changed everything.

lt's about a search
for the Holy Grail, you see,

which is a large sort of creature,
a bit like a dodo, with a big beak.

And...people are trying to find this Grail.

lf you will not show us the Grail,
we shall take your castle by force!

You don't frighten us,
English pig dogs!

Go and boil your bottoms,
sons of a silly person!

l blow my nose at you,
so-called Arthur King!

You and all your silly
English knn...niggits!

The whole film is a great anti-climax.

l see, and that starts fairly soon
after the credit titles, does it?

lt does, yes. lt starts immediately.

lmmediately after the censor certificate?

ln comes the anti-climax.

Graham is a fantastic actor.

ls, because you still see him
doing fantastic acting in those films.

Graham was the right choice
for Arthur.

There is a dignity about him
and a seriousness there,

which is fantastic.

We discovered there was a leading man
in the group and it was Graham.

l thought it would be Mike
but it turned out to be Graham.

- Old woman!
- Man!

Man, sorry.

What knight lives in that castle
over there?

- l'm 37.
- What?

l'm 37. l'm not old!

- l can't just call you ''man''.
- You could say ''Dennis''.

l didn't know you were called Dennis.

You didn't bother to find out!

l did say sorry about the ''old woman''
but from behind you looked...

What l object to is that you automatically
treat me like an inferior.

- Well, l am king.
- Oh, king, eh? Very nice!

Graham was drinking
when we were doing Holy Grail.

l remember one morning
him looking at up an aeroplane and saying,

''Just think of all those people
drinking their gin and tonics.''

l look at an aeroplane one way
and Graham looks at it another,

in terms of a gin and tonic!

What's it like being a film star?

l'm not. l'm just a...
l'm just an extra.

- You're just an extra?
- Yes.

lt's the crown and this that probably...

- that makes you think...
- l was looking for Graham...

- Oh, yes. He's around somewhere.
- ls he?

Yes, here he is.

Well of course we didn't know
that Graham was an alcoholic!

We knew he liked to drink!

He became so antagonistic
towards Terry and myself,

because us little jumped-up shits

were ruining his picture

because lan McNaughton,
who had directed the television shows

and And Now For Something
Completely Different, had been sidelined.

He was a man who knew
how to get things done

and we were destroying everything.

He would go on these
drunken rampages at night

where we could barely stand up
out of sheer exhaustion,

and there's Graham screaming.

Then you'd go on the day,
trying to get through a shot,

and Graham was so unable
to remember his lines.

We wouldn't get things done.
lt was...

l don't know how we did it, frankly.

But the Grail! Where is the Grail?

Seek you the Bridge of Death.

The Bridge of Death
which leads to the Grail?

The first time we realised there was
anything wrong was on the first shot

which was ''The Bridge of Death''
and ''The Gorge of Eternal Peril''.

We had the six of us, in fact,

standing on the edge of this precipice
on a small path.

We were up there and mountaineers
had built this Bridge of Death,

which was terrifying and l would not
go near it, let alone cross it!

We get there, we're ready to shoot,
and Graham, the great mountaineer,

the man who had tales
of climbing this, that mountain,

couldn't walk across the bridge,
he just froze.

He was shaking and l'm thinking,

''You're supposed to be a mountaineer!

''We're up on a mountain
and you're shaking!''

We couldn't understand
why he was like that!

He seemed to be afraid of heights!

Anyway, we didn't have time
to think about it.

We were halfway up
a mountainside in Glencoe

and l hadn't got my daily dose

and it was seven o'clock
in the morning that we left the hotel.

The bar wasn't open.
l hadn't realised this.

l hadn't gotten anything prepared
the night before as l should have,

if l had researched my drinking properly.

Once you've got the shakes
and the tremors,

that is a physicality

which means you can't really
put one foot in front of the other.

l had DT's on the mountainside

while having to try
and remember lines and stand up.

So it's Gerry Harrison,
the assistant director, in Graham's clothes

going across the bridge.

l don't think we ever put together
that it was alcoholism

and there was a problem
and he needed help.

There was no support for him
in that sense.

lt was then that l decided that
the next time l do a job like this

l am going to be clean for it.

lt's not fair to the other chaps
in the group. lt's not fair to me.

lt's not fair to what l've written.
lt's so stupid.

And so when l next had
a patch of time

in which l thought
l would need to recover,

l took that patch of time
and recovered after...

l suppose really three days of hell.

Charge!

lt was pretty amazing
that we shot in five weeks

and nothing really went materially wrong
until post production

when it clearly wasn't working.

The hardest thing
was for them to edit

because Jonesy would edit by day
and Gilliam would edit by night

and there was only one editor!

What a nightmare for him!

Holy Grail was a disaster,

the first showing we had
of The Holy Grail.

l mean, Grail had, in the end,
13 edits,

from the very first screening we did
with 100 people

which was just...not good.

The film started and people laughed
and laughed and laughed.

Actually, at that point we opened

with the ''Bring Out Your Dead'' sequence.

Bring out your dead.

- Here's one.
- Ninepence.

- l'm not dead!
- What?

Nothing. Here's your ninepence.

- l'm not dead!
- Here. He says he's not dead!

Yes, he is.

People started laughing and they laughed
for about five minutes,

and then...dead, absolutely zilch.

The whole film played
to nobody laughing

and it was just the most
awful evening l think.

And the only thing l could think of
was that...on the...

We'd done a film before
which was a compilation film

and in that was the ''Dirty Fork'' sketch.

No apologies l can make
can alter the fact that...

in our restaurant
you have been given...

a dirty, filthy,
smelly piece of cutlery.

- lt wasn't smelly.
- lt was smelly!

And obscene and disgusting.
And l hate it. l hate it! l hate it!

Nasty, grubby, dirty, mangy,
scrubby little fork.

Roberto!

That had been very funny
when we did it on TV

and it wasn't funny
when we showed it in the cinema.

lt didn't get any laughs.
And the only thing l could see different

was that lan McNaughton had put on
some muzak over the scene.

So we took the muzak off
and it then got laughs again.

So l kind of thought, ''Maybe the same
thing is happening with The Holy Grail.''

The music budget was,
l think, 3,000 pounds.

And l could afford 12 musicians
for about...eight sessions.

What are you exactly
contributing to the film?

Terror and heroics at certain points

to really do a job with the music

to either create the lump in the throat,

or make the back hairs stick out.

l had written some pretty good,
l thought, Arthurian themes

with two French horns sort of
in harmony sort of going...

Orchestra...

But, you play it with 12 people
and it sounds like a sort of...

an afternoon's alternative activities
at the Women's lnstitute.

And so Terry rang me up and said,
''lt's awful l know, but you know...

''Really, we can't have all the other
cheap jokes and have thin music.

''We've got to go to the library.''
And l perfectly understand and...

You know,
that is the correct decision.

1 47 musicians playing any old thing

is better than 12
playing something beautiful.

l think the music made
a huge difference

by using library music
and cod heroics.

lt just gave it a whole other aspect.

The bits l did do stayed in
with the little medieval bits,

the jaunty little medieval music.

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Rode forth from Camelot

He was not afraid to die
Oh brave Sir Robin

And of course the music
for the Knights of the Round Table.

ln war we're tough and able

Quite indefatigable

Between our quests...

You have to push the pram a lot!

l have to push the pram a lot

No, on second thoughts,
let's not go to Camelot. lt is a silly place.

Bit by bit, we put it together.
We linked up the laughs.

We shot little linky bits...
the gorilla paw in it.

Come on, come on!
That's an offensive weapon that is!

Back! Right, come on!

l ended the Holy Grail, we didn't have
an end for that either and said,

''Why don't we have the police arrest him.
Put their hand over the camera''.

My daughter hates me for that.

She says, ''The shittiest ending
of a movie ever! l hate you, Dad!''

All right, sonny. That's enough.
Just pack that in.

But then we were
so nervous about it that...

We'd get people in and get them
into a small viewing theatre,

and we had 20 people or something
and say, ''What do you think?''

People would watch and say,
''Well, yeah, it's all right''.

But nobody was very keen on it.

Then eventually, we were...

Terry Gilliam and l,
were going out with this film,

what we thought was a turkey,

to a film festival in Los Angeles.

And there we had a paying audience
for the first time,

and we showed the film
to a big audience and they laughed.

And it was kind of like,
''Oh! They laughed! They laughed!''

Then of course we realised
that A, it's a paying audience,

who paid their money,
they're going to want to laugh.

And the other thing was,
you don't ever say to anybody,

''We're really worried about
this comedy film.

''Would you come and see if it's funny?''

because they're not
going to find it funny!

My favourite Monty Python movie
is Holy Grail, it has to be. lt's just amazing.

From the first second the thing starts...

Just that...

The fact they were taking themselves
so seriously was instantly funny.

lt is set up like any other epic film,

except that when you see them
riding on horses,

it's just a dude hopping along,

and another guy carrying his stuff
clip-clopping with coconuts.

Then they get off
on a philosophical debate

of the migration instincts
of tropical birds.

You know what l mean?

lt all becomes these
mundane assessments

of absolutely ridiculous things.

The swallow may fly south
with the sun,

or the house martin or the plover
may seek warmer climes in winter,

yet these are not strangers
to our land.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Not at all! They could be carried.

What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

lt could grip it by the husk.

lt's not a question of where he grips it,

it's a simple question of weight ratios.

A five-ounce bird could not carry
a one-pound coconut.

Well, it doesn't matter!

Things like the knights arriving
with the coconut shells,

and stuff like that.
Still a great idea.

Mixed in with this film is that
wonderful sort of realism

of medieval England
with all the mud.

lt's probably rather better than anything
that's been done recently.

Not only is it very funny,
it's also very affectionate

in terms of its treatment
of the Grail legends

and incredibly faithful
to the actual story.

''The wise Sir Bedivere was the first to join
King Arthur's knights,

''but other illustrious names
were soon to follow...

''Sir Lancelot the Brave,

''Sir Galahad the Pure,

''And Sir Robin, the not quite-so-brave
as Sir Lancelot.''

My brother can lip-synch
the whole fucking film,

and l'm not exaggerating!

From the moment it starts, he's there.

l can't watch the film
with him in the room.

Now look here, my good man...

l don't want to talk to you no more

you empty-headed,
animal food trough wiper!

l fart in your general direction.

Your mother was a hamster
and your father smelt of elderberries.

Apparently Elvis's favourite film, Holy Grail.

He watched it about 45 times
in the Graceland private cinema.

You can imagine Elvis watching Holy Grail,
what a superb image that would be!

Elvis loved it. l mean, he was...

He was laughing so much
that his eyes were just tearing.

Come, Patsy.

None shall pass.

- What?!
- None shall pass.

l have no quarrel with you,
good Sir Knight,

but l must cross this bridge.

Then you shall die.

The scene that Elvis used to imitate,

the sword fight scene...

We played a lot of football
and one time we were playing,

and he literally broke his finger.

- ''Oh, are you OK, Elvis?''
- ''Merely a flesh wound.''

And he did it just like the movie.

Look, you stupid bastard,
you've got no arms left!

- Yes, l have!
- Look!

lt's just a flesh wound.

l was the hugest Elvis fan.

That was like so weird and trippy

just to think Elvis was a Python fan
doing those voices.

Come, Patsy.

Oh, l see! Running away, eh?

You yellow bastards!

Come back here
and take what's coming to you!

l'll bite your legs off!

Just the very idea of Elvis
knowing those catch phrases

and him being as annoying
as my brother as well,

sat next to Priscilla on the sofa,
''lt's just a flesh wound.''

l like the image of Elvis Presley
reciting Python lines.

That's pop culture...
reaches its apotheosis in that moment.

There's nothing Andy Warhol
can do about that.

The Castle Aaargh.

Our quest is at an end.

Holy Grail was number one
for weeks in America, you know.

For a 200,000 pound film,
it was amazing, you know.

By the time it came out here,
it was 1975.

The TV series had been on.
We were getting some great publicity.

The Python trademark
was becoming known.

l used to look in Variety and it was like
looking at your bank account.

So, you'd buy Variety
and look up, you know,

''Oh, it's number one and it's made
another billion, million pound,

''of which l get my
two and a half percent. Great!''

We'd done this promotional ad
to give out free coconuts

to the first 100 or however many people
would turn up at the cinema.

There was a full-page ad in the Times.

Well, there was a line around the block.

They had to open the movie
even earlier.

lt was tremendous.
lt was very exciting.

lt was at the opening of Holy Grail
in New York,

and there was a question
from a journalist, he said,

''So what's your next movie?''

and l said,
''Jesus Christ - Lust For Glory.''

Everyone knows the inspiring story

and life of the child born in a manger.

This isn't that story.

lt's not that life.

Brian

The babe they called Brian

This is Monty Python's Life Of Brian.

lt was the Golden age of Roman rule...

Do we have any cwucifixions today?

139, sir. Special celebration.

A time of miracles...

l was blind and now l can see... Oh!

Of imperial benevolence...

Hail, Caesar.

ls that absolutely clear?

lt was a time when getting stoned
wasn't breaking the law.

lt was the law.

For the people of Jerusalem,
things were looking bad.

Still a few crosses left.

And then Brian dropped in.

Brian...

ln fact, he wasn't the Messiah.

He was a very naughty boy.

Terrific race, the Romans.

Terrific.