Original subtitles

When you said middle of nowhere, you weren't kidding.

It's not much further.

Wow. It's so beautiful out here. Yeah, that's why my dad bought the place.

It's on 10 acres.

No one around for a while.

I told you we shouldn't come to Aspen.

Keep the change.

This is your house? Well, my dad's, technically.

Bling. This place is B -L -I -N -G.

It's really nice.

What time is this once -in -a -lifetime meteor shower?

Oh, it's supposed to be like 10 o 'clock, I think.

Sick. This is gonna be amazing.

God, I wish I could get out here more often.

This is fire.

100K likes, here we come.

Christ.

Deirdre, she's really different.

Yeah, I know.

Wow.

Check out this motherfucking fascina.

This will be sick for my photo shoot.

What's up, guys?

We're here. We made it. It's going to be amazing.

We're staying in this really cool house in the middle of fucking nowhere.

It's 3 .30 or something like that. The sun is shining. And it's seven hours

countdown to the meteor shower storm thing.

Live stream.

See? Don't. Here we are with that yoga with Heather 97.

Check her out.

Follow her if you're a spiritual fix.

Namaste.

Check out this bed.

Woo!

And Charlotte, she's not on social media. She doesn't believe in it. It's

her thing, and that's fine.

But this? This is not fine. Check this out.

Retro! See it and believe it, people, because it's true.

Some people are living their Stone Age best lives.

She's hot, though.

Geek hot. Like, hot.

Hit her up.

Wait. No, you can't, because what?

No social media?

So, send your letter, a telegram, a smoke signal, or DM me and I'll hook you

Squad, gold.

Three hot babes.

Stargazing. We're here to party.

And watch the biggest shooting star events with the dinosaurs checked out.

All right, that's the app.

Deidre, what the fuck?

What? You'll get likes. I'm telling you, mucho likes.

Geek Hot is so fire at the moment.

I don't want like.

What? You're crazy.

Shit girl, you need some.

Yeah, it's really invasive.

Guys, it's been way too long. I'm so glad you did this.

Me too.

I love the pet store, but I really needed a couple of days off.

You really need to get laid, guys.

It's been a while.

Yeah, I feel you.

You got any hot friends out here?

Mm -mm. No, Jen.

Never met anyone out here my age.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Literally no one around.

Who?

Apart from this guy.

Hmm. An actual cowboy.

You'd make a lovely couple.

Oh, please.

And that's it.

No sex this weekend.

You ever seen the meteor shower before?

Mm -hmm.

Once in Costa Rica.

It was amazing, guys.

That when you met Phillip?

Mm -hmm.

How's that going, anyway?

Good.

Okay.

He's teaching a yoga retreat in Colorado this weekend.

Is he watching the meteor shower, too?

Yeah, they're doing like a whole ceremony thing. Have you heard from

Not since we got here.

His loss.

He's probably fucking Candace again.

He's only interested because she's got like a million followers.

Scrooge will screw anyone for a shout -out.

Fuck him.

And fuck Candace.

You're building a makeup line.

Oh, you guys.

I finally got the name.

Yeah? What is it?

D -Fine.

Huh?

I don't get it.

I'm D, and I'm fine, and it's defined.

I know.

Beautiful.

Fuck me.

Goddamn piece of shit.

What's a girl got to do to get a goddamn signal?

Amazing.

That one was huge.

Motherfucker. Fucking signals fucked. Fucking live stream. Fuck you.

Deidre, you're missing it.

I've got no signal either.

To do that?

I guess.

I mean, it is a once -in -a -lifetime meteor shower.

Unbelievable. Here we are watching an event of a lifetime, and I cannot get a

goddamn signal.

Whoa.

Is it supposed to do that?

Beautiful.

My Rita.

Nice. Cheers.

I've turned the Wi -Fi on and off like a thousand times.

Still can't get any signal.

Whoa.

It's just like old times.

You remember when we went camping with school?

I fucking hate camping.

Yeah.

Especially when Dee tells you stories about killer bears who only eat

Oh my god, I remember.

Fucking terrifying.

I was so scared.

Yeah, me too. I mean, I didn't sleep with the window open until I was like

Get a grip.

Seriously. I mean...

You were pretty mean.

Is it my fault you're both a couple of little babies?

Remember that time you got your head beaten in by that fat bitch, Jennifer

Hopkins?

Saved your ass then, though.

Yeah. You did.

Yeah.

You were pretty mean, though.

Tough. Not mean.

And cute.

Very cute.

You know, you can't just let people walk all over you.

Shit, you gotta have a mean side, or how are you gonna survive?

You're not.

You know what happens to pussies?

No? They get fucked.

What the hell?

Fuck?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

It's leaking.

What? Shit! Get it out of the pool. My dad's going to fucking kill me.

What the fuck is it?

Maybe it's a meteor.

Dee, please help me with it.

Right.

Get it out.

Get it out! Hey, hon. Chill.

Oh, my God. Get it out. You got it?

You got it?

Yeah.

God, is the decking okay?

Tell me it's okay.

It's okay.

It's not staining.

It's not? No. Look, see?

It's okay, honey.

What is it? It looks too soft to be a meteor.

I don't know.

Oh, my God. It stinks.

It stinks of ass.

Oh, my God. That is so bad.

But what is it?

I think it's shit.

I think God took a shit in your pool, Heather.

That's not funny.

No, but seriously, it's shit from a plane.

You know they freeze all the passenger shit in planes and then drop it out once

it's full?

Squoze knew this one guy who was eating a sandwich in his kitchen, and then one

day a giant block of frozen shit the size of a refrigerator fell through his

roof and killed him.

I don't think they do that, Dee.

What do you know?

You don't even Google.

Well, what do you think it is?

Oh, my God.

It's got a little face.

I think it's an animal.

What kind of animal?

I don't know. It's kind of balled up like an armadillo or something.

I'm not sure.

Well, whatever it is, it's fucking dead.

Oh my god, I'm fucking believable. This is content gold.

Don't think it's an armadillo.

Thanks.

I'm okay. Drink it.

You're a nerd.

I want it out of here.

I can still smell it.

It could be there.

Mated with an armadillo.

What? And taught itself to fly?

Oh, yeah.

What are we going to do with it?

I mean, how are we going to get rid of it?

I don't know. Stick it in the trash?

Oh, my God.

You could bury it under a tree or something.

What? No.

It's got to go.

Come on, babe.

Let's get you off to bed.

Charles? Oh,

I'm going to stay up for a little while.

Stay away from it.

It could have a disease or something.

Disease? No, not a disease.

Hey.

Morning.

You sleep okay?

Mm.

Uh... I'm sorry about last night. I was just a bit... It's fine.

It's your dad's place.

You don't want it to get fucked up.

We get it.

You're the best, Charles.

Thanks. Oh.

Oh, my God. My head.

I am not used to tequila.

Me neither.

Jesus Christ.

I just died.

That's so weird.

I might be freaking out right now.

Don't you have a landline?

We could call a cab and go into town. People don't use landlines anymore.

What about yours?

It's in the bedroom.

Can you go get it?

Do you think?

Yeah.

Oh, wait. What the... What's happened?

I don't know. It's just sort of... Shit.

I mean, it is kind of old. I was meaning to get a new one.

Great. That's just great.

How am I going to post the photo shoot?

Maybe it's Magnet and the meteor shower.

There was this thing called the Carrington event and, like... The 80s

Like a geomagnetic storm that knocked out all the radio waves around the

Magnets in the meteor shower.

Magnetic storms.

Where do you get this stuff?

Books.

Newspapers.

People are going to think I'm dead. Like I've died.

They won't. They will.

They'll post about it everywhere.

Then my mom will see it. She'll get freaked out. And then she'll kill

50.

It's only been like 24 hours.

24 hours is like a lifetime on the internet.

I've got sponsor.

I don't post. I don't get paid.

Fuck it.

I'm done. It's over. I'm over. Hashtag dead.

What about the thing?

Shit.

Totally forgot.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Maybe it can fly.

Has it really gone?

Where the fuck is it?

Wait here.

Hey, it'll be okay.

We can clean this up, no problem.

Careful, it's dead.

Just be on the safe side.

Animals must have dragged it.

What animals?

Coyotes, maybe?

Coyotes? They're not dangerous.

Not really.

God, it's disgusting.

My God, what the fuck? It stinks worse than yesterday.

Where's its shell gone?

That's what you're worried about?

Hi. Jesus Christ.

I'm Brett.

I'm here to do the garden.

Oh, great.

You work for my dad?

My dad.

I don't know your dad.

Agency booked my brother.

He got sick.

Go on.

Ask him.

Ask him what?

The thing.

Oh, my God.

He can take it away?

Oh, my God. Great idea.

Hi.

I'm tossing shit on you.

Oh.

We had an accident.

A thing.

An animal.

A dead armadillo or like a bear thing fell in our pool.

Oh, yeah?

It's still sort of here, like dead.

Just over there?

Dead armadillo.

Right. You're wondering, maybe that you could... Listen, I'm just calling for my

brother.

Dead armadillos, that's like another department.

I mean, we could give you some money to take it away.

It would be really helpful.

How much?

It don't look like no armadillo.

Oh.

Oh, it stinks like ass.

$150 and a download link to the photos.

You really are models?

Of course we are, Brett.

Nah, that's bullshit.

Deal's off.

I can just send you the ones of me.

They're way hotter on the internet.

What the fuck?

Okay, $150 in cash, and then we'll just transfer you the rest when our phones

are fixed. Do I look like an idiot to you?

No.

Please, we really need your help.

There is one thing.

Unbelievable.

Okay, let's get this over with. One quick kiss.

With tongues.

No, Brett. No tongue, no hands. One kiss, that's it.

You break the rules, you're gonna get punched in the face, okay?

Okay. Fine.

How old are you, anyway?

Fifteen.

And two months.

Fuck my life.

Ready?

Ready, Brett.

Okay. I'll go get the bear.

Okay, so that's $50 a piece.

I don't have $50.

I got you, Charles.

Anything to get rid of that thing and get my phone fixed.

Sure.

So, once Brett gets rid of the dead thing, here's the plan. Quick trip to

fix the phone, grab a juice, Cab back.

Then it's define photo shoot time.

I don't really want it. You're going to love it, Charles. I'm telling you. It's

going to be fun.

But I... Charles, you only put $7 into the get rid of the ass stinking dead

fund, so please.

But I... I kissed the, you know... child.

Didn't seem like too much of a chore, hon.

Hmm? It looked pretty hot from where we were standing.

What the fuck, Dee? You should definitely ask him for his number.

Definitely.

Hot. Oh, my God, fine.

I'll do the damn shoot.

This is gonna be excellent.

Charles, any requests?

Just that we get it over with really quickly.

Oh, please. You're going to love it.

I'll get the products.

Heather.

Oh, my fucking God.

No way.

We have to.

No.

Heather? I don't care what Heather says. I'm not letting you kill an innocent

animal. It's sick.

It's already dying.

Fucking Brett. What are we going to do now?

How are we going to get rid of that thing? My dad's going to fucking kill me

my phone is still not working. Your dad cannot blame you for a crash landing

armadillo. No, definitely not an armadillo.

Well, whatever it is, killing it is the kind thing.

With what?

I don't know.

Fat? Or poison?

You can't go around killing things, Dee. Of course you can.

People shoot sick horses and dogs all the time, no? People don't shoot sick

dogs, Dee.

We don't even know if it's dying.

Oh, come on. It so is.

Heather? We put it out of its misery, no?

She wants to kill it.

Don't be ridiculous. You're a psychopath.

Heather, you're a little baby. Heather, we kill it, no?

What? Don't look at me. I don't want to decide.

But can you please put that thing away?

I told you it was dying.

Hey, little guy.

Charlotte, be careful.

Doesn't look well.

Like I said. We're not killing it, Dee.

It would be really bad karma.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay, okay, how about this?

We drag it away from the house at least.

Leave it under a bush or something.

I guess.

In the shade, it might get better.

We could leave it a bowl of water.

Sure.

Fine. You're both so lame.

Poor thing.

Shit. That motherfucker is heavy.

I feel really dizzy.

I'm gonna go and get it a bowl of water.

Can we have some fun now, please?

We came here to have a good time, no?

Not drag some stinking, dying bear around in the blazing heat.

Shit.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right

back.

That, what?

No, the decking.

Heather, wake up.

Charlotte,

what's been going on in the sleep?

The thing, the bear thing.

It's crying.

Huh? What?

Come see it.

Okay, buddy.

We can do this.

Maybe I'm still stoned, but you seem lighter.

Hey, little guy.

Are you hungry?

Wow, okay

What the fuck have you done?

Oh, hey, Dee.

Don't oh, hey, Dee, me.

I got two questions for you.

One, what is that piss -leaking dog rat doing in the house? And two, where's my

motherfucking shake?

What? What's going on?

Shake? How did you even carry it? I don't know.

It seemed lighter.

Get it out of my...

Peace out.

It was crying.

Let me break this down for you, Charlotte.

We're in the middle of fucking nowhere.

There is an animal. I don't know what it is. I don't know where it's from.

You brought it into her house. You fed it my protein shake.

Here's what's going to happen. You're going to hitch your little ass back into

town, find a vet or an animal wrangler man, get him to come down

here and get that thing out of the goddamn house before we all get rabies

Ebola or both.

Okay? Okay.

Now, I'm going back to bed.

Do not wake me up until it's gone.

And take the goddamn phones and get them fixed, too.

This is not what our weekend was supposed to be like.

Running around trying to deal with a dead bear.

It's not cool. Not cool at all.

I'm sorry.

It's just, it was... I know.

Crying.

I was a bit high, too.

Okay.

But just don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever pull some shit like this ever

fucking again.

Okay, I know.

My dad had the buggy in the garage.

The nearest neighbor is its weird old lady called Edna.

We can drive down to Edna's and see if she'll give us a ride into town.

We can find a vet.

Or a wrangler man or whatever.

Get my phone fixed.

Get rid of that creature.

Grab a latte.

And get back to chill mode.

We're calm.

I'm calm.

Now, I don't know how reliable this is, but I'm sure it'll get us to end us

back.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Hold you.

Motherfucker!

Hey, little guy.

Thirsty?

There. Wow.

Looked out here all in a row? Mhm.

She's a bit eccentric.

Like, she's into some weird science shit.

It's cool, though. She's definitely cool. And she gave me some weed last

Nice. Mm -hmm.

That's strange.

What?

She's got this big dog and normally goes crazy when anyone comes by.

Miss Brunel?

Miss Brunel?

Miss

Brunel?

Wow. I told you.

Nothing.

What is all this stuff?

Okay, let's get out of here.

What about getting into town?

I don't know.

I'll leave her a note and we'll talk back.

That's weird.

What?

Isn't that yesterday?

The night of the meteor shower?

Mm -hmm.

Strange.

How so?

I don't know. It's just really highlighted.

Like a lot.

Well, maybe it was her birthday.

Maybe.

Okay, let's go.

Charles, come on.

You want the bad news or the bad news?

Dee.

Huh?

Edna wasn't there.

We couldn't get to town.

Shit.

That's bad.

Dee.

Hmm? You okay, babe?

Oh, sorry, yeah.

Of course, it's a bit stoned.

Yeah, um...

We couldn't get the bet. And the phones are still fucked.

It's okay.

Don't worry about it.

How are we going to get that thing out of the goddamn house?

Shit.

I'm a threat on that one.

Huh?

Not my department.

Right. Okay.

Good. Great.

It is kind of cute, actually.

Do you want me to try and move it again?

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Actually, I can't take any more of it screaming. My

nerves are already shot to shit.

If it damages anything in this house, Charlie, I will pay for it. I swear.

With what, Charles?

With what?

I can make lunch.

Do you want some lunch?

And I can clean.

I'm fucking believable.

Okay, fine.

Make some lunch.

Before I lose my fucking mind.

I'm sorry, Heather.

That's good.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. So good.

Hungry?

Huh? Nothing.

You want to eat that?

What? I feel amazing.

It must be the fresh air.

Do you guys want to work out in a bit?

It's a little hot moment, no?

I'm good.

Fit yourself.

I really hope she's not having another breakdown.

Like, remember when she split up with James?

Same thing.

She totally slipped.

Maybe it's the coming out.

For fuck's sake!

Oh my god, and it smells so bad!

Maybe we should give it a bath.

I mean, if you can move it without it tearing a hole in the rug.

I just think it didn't want to go back outside.

You know what, Charlotte?

Be my guest, please.

Give the fucking hyena a bath, because you know what?

This weekend literally cannot get any weirder.

You did what?

It's more comfortable than the sofa.

Huh.

Nice day again.

It really is.

On the smokes already?

Hey, look, what time are we leaving?

Phones aren't working.

Can't call a cab.

I have to get back for work tomorrow.

Stoned out of your mind.

Jesus Christ.

I need to leave.

Today.

The phones are not working, Charlotte.

What do you want to do?

There's the buggy.

It's not going to get us back to town, though, is it?

Don't you have to get back? For, like, work?

Chill, Charles.

One more day here.

It's hardly a prison sentence.

I'll lose my job, Dee.

You can do so much better, though, really.

Sure. Okay, but...

Are you really just going to lie here all day, wait for someone to come by?

That's the big plan?

Fuck it. I'm going back to the cabin.

What the hell for?

I don't know.

Check the truck.

There might be keys in there.

Heather? Huh?

Can I take the buggy?

Knock yourself out.

Great.

This is for now

Hello?

Thank you.

Edna, something is wrong. We have to get out of here.

Dee!

Yeah, I heard you.

Did what?

She's killed herself.

Shit.

That's fucked up.

I saw these drawings, these diagrams and stuff.

Heather.

Edna.

She's dead.

Terrible.

to leave that thing.

It's not safe.

What's got to do with him?

I saw, I saw a drawing.

A drawing?

Yeah.

Once the phones are working, we'll call someone for help.

Yeah, definitely.

That's so sad.

That's really sad.

What are you?

What the fuck is it?

You went in the room.

What the fuck is it?

I'm not sure, but it's something really special.

We need to call someone. Like who?

Like the cops or their government.

Whoa.

And what do you think they're going to do with it?

They're going to take it.

That's what.

And it's ours.

She's right, Charles.

I think it's an alien.

I mean, if it is an actual alien, like, really, like some extraterrestrial shit,

then the first thing we need to do is lawyer up.

Fuck.

Heather! You're the one that wanted to keep it.

Imagine how much an alien is worth.

I mean, aside from the PR and obviously porn.

This is insane.

You come across something like this and all you can think about is how much it's

worth?

This is America.

It might be dangerous.

Bullshit.

You just want to give it up. You and your hippie bleeding heart are not going

fuck this up for us.

Heather? The thing. No, it's ours, right?

Heather?

Right. She's right, Charles.

I mean, this is a once -in -a -lifetime opportunity.

I feel amazing. Like, really.

I can just do anything, you know?

Something really special, and I mean, you found it. We found it.

Right, we found it.

Charles saved it originally.

Yeah, sure, sure, absolutely. I mean, it's a three -way split on any of the,

like, profits, dividends, shirts.

My dad can definitely help. Right.

I'm sure Squales knows people, too. I mean, this is B -I -G.

What if it's dangerous?

I think Edna knew something, and now she's dead.

Un -fucking -related.

Some ancient Looney Tunes bitch blows her brains out, and you want to give up

like a once -in -a -lifetime opportunity?

I told you. I told you she'd try and fuck this up for us. You're crazy, Dee.

You really fucking flip.

No, Charlotte.

You're crazy.

You find an alien, and you want to fucking give it away?

No, no, no, no, no, no fucking way.

This is so typical of you, Charlotte.

You get an opportunity like this and you just can't help yourself but fuck it

up. There's a reason you work in a pet shop for minimum wage.

Well, you're not fucking this up for us. No, you're not.

Dee!

You were always like this, Charles. Even at school, you were weak.

Dee, what the fuck? You've got no killer instinct. Something like this lands on

your plate and you want to call the cops?

Fuck the police. We're keeping it. Deirdre!

What? What the fuck is that?

I've done to them.

Yeah.

Hello?

Miss, are you okay?

That crazy bitch is gonna kill you.

We gotta get you to the hospital.

Mwah!

Be amazing.

Sorry.