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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,519
OK. You ready?
2
00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:05,919
This is a load of bloody nonsense!
Is that a yes or...?
3
00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:07,679
I've been driving for 50 years.
4
00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:10,319
I learned to drive in an
ice cream van, for Christ's sake.
5
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,199
You learned to drive
in an ice cream van? Yes.
6
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,599
Things were a wee bit
more relaxed in my day.
7
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,879
I mean, honest to God, why have
I got to resit my test anyway?
8
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,479
You drove into a swimming pool.
9
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,199
Once! It's not
a three-strike system, Dad.
10
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:24,759
Right, OK,
your test is at two o'clock,
11
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,479
so we've got a few hours to go
through everything. Now, first up,
12
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,759
they're going to test
your eyesight, OK?
13
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:33,559
So you have to be able to read a
licence plate from 20 metres away.
14
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,439
CV59 MXT!
15
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,560
Yeah, not your own. Er...
OK, here we go.
16
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,999
One, two, three, four, five,
17
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,439
six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
18
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:54,439
11, 12, 13, 14, 15,
19
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,879
16, 17, 18, 19, 20.
20
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,559
Yeah, this is fine. Yeah, OK.
21
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,719
I can see you quite clearly.
No, no, you have to come here.
22
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,599
What are you eating?! Eh?
23
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,840
Come here! I can't hear you
from there, Richard.
24
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:15,119
19, 18, 17, 16, 15.
25
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,879
Can you hear me now? Eh?
26
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:21,359
'Course you can't. 14, 13, 12, 11...
27
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,599
Oh, 11. Oh, ah. Great.
28
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,399
How can I help you?
The number plates. 20 metres.
29
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,119
Oh, yes, yes, you mentioned.
30
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,159
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
31
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,039
So, follow me.
32
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,599
12, 13, 14, 15,
33
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:41,040
16, 17, 18, 19, 20.
34
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,679
Now? Yes, now!
35
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,800
No, sorry, you've gone again.
36
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,319
19!
37
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,920
18, 17, 16, 15...
38
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,359
OK. Have you been to the toilet?
39
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,239
Yes. Number one and a number two.
Right.
40
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,599
Then another number one, but I just
remained seated for that one.
41
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:05,399
I don't need to know that, Dad.
OK...
42
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,239
So, I think we should do this
43
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,239
under test conditions, to get you
prepared.
44
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:14,759
So for the next couple of hours,
I won't be Richard. I'll be...
45
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,039
...Benjamin. Who am I again?
46
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,839
You! Oh, me, right. Aye.
47
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,080
PHONE CHIMES
48
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,079
Eh, do you mind?
49
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,040
I'm taking time out
of my busy schedule to help you.
50
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,839
All right, schedule. But still...
51
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,959
Aww, it's from Beth.
52
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:37,319
She's tagged me on a picture of
her new sunflower plant on Facebook.
53
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,319
Isn't that lovely, eh?
54
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,559
I'll just give her a wee poke.
55
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,439
PHONE BEEPS
Lovely.
56
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,359
I thought you'd given up
on Facebook.
57
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,999
Yeah, I did, but then Beth showed me
how to use it properly.
58
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,559
And she doesn't roll her eyes
when I ask questions.
59
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,839
I post all the time now.
60
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,080
Do you?
61
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,959
Dad, what...? What are these?
62
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,479
These aren't posts,
63
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,079
they're complaint emails
you've written on your wall.
64
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,559
Wall? What wall?
65
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,719
Albion Bank, BT!
66
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,719
"To whomever it may concern,
67
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,039
"my landline hasn't been working
for six weeks now..." Mm.
68
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,439
"..despite repeated emails..."
Well, you mean Facebook posts.
69
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,920
"When will you
be sending someone out?"
70
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,279
Oh...
71
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,199
"I worry about my son
when he is in the house alone,
72
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,079
"as he will have no way
of communicating with me
73
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,799
"if he needs his dad."
I mean, what the hell?!
74
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,959
You posted that on Facebook?!
75
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,119
That'll be why
no bugger's replying to me, is it?
76
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,319
I mean, what were you thinking?
You just type it anywhere
77
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,839
and somehow it'll get to them?!
78
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:45,999
800 likes, all laughing emojis.
79
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,559
Emily - "I'm happy to go round
and let him out for a pee."
80
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:54,959
Oh, amazing. Oh, she's very funny,
her. Very funny.
81
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:59,039
"Outdoor swim done
and off to brunch with my fave."
82
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:02,239
That'll be Tim.
Yes, I know that, thank you.
83
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,319
OK, lesson number one,
84
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,759
checking your phone in the car
is an automatic fail.
85
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,639
No more distractions,
no more phones, OK?
86
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,120
PHONE RINGS
87
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,399
Sally, hi!
88
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,119
Richard, how are you?
89
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,199
I'm, er... What it is,
I've just heard from a little birdie
90
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,919
that there's going to be
a Detective Manners spin-off.
91
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,319
Seriously!? Now, I don't know which
character it's going to focus on,
92
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,119
but I'll find out
by the end of the day.
93
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,839
I mean, it has to be you,
doesn't it?
94
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,119
Your character was the best
character, as far as I'm concerned.
95
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,719
Um, well, thanks, Sally.
96
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,360
Yes, which one were you again?
97
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,279
Dr Sparrow.
98
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,919
Sparrow. Spell it.
99
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,199
S-P-A-R-R-O-W.
100
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,839
...O-W, yes, that's right.
Unforgettable, Richard.
101
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:49,880
I'll be in touch.
LINE DISCONNECTS
102
00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,160
Well, that was interesting.
103
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,599
Sorry, I can't say anything about it
yet. Oh, well, that's fine.
104
00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,479
What it is, is it probably means
I'm going to get my own TV show.
105
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,199
By the way, did I tell you
I bumped into Katherine Rutherford
106
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,999
the other day
and her wee granddaughter?
107
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,479
Many times. Aye.
108
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,999
They've apparently decided to go on
their first family holiday together
109
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,079
and they can't decide...
Can't decide
110
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,799
whether to go to Portugal or Turkey.
111
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:18,119
Oh. Where did they end up choosing?
112
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,399
What do you mean, where did they
end up choosing? It's your story.
113
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,559
You know they chose Turkey.
Who did?
114
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,559
Starting from now, I'm Benjamin,
115
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,439
and when you think it's safe
to do so, turn on the engine.
116
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,159
Oh.
117
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,199
ENGINE STARTS
118
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,480
ENGINE STOPS
119
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,199
Is it safe?
120
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:41,199
Yes. It is safe.
It is perfectly safe.
121
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,240
ENGINE STARTS
122
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,799
Check your mirrors!
123
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,719
"Check your mirrors. Check your
mirrors, check your mirrors."
124
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,679
There you...
HE MUTTERS
125
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:55,839
HE SIGHS
126
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,839
ENGINE STARTS
Oh, look, see?
127
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,799
That's 17 degrees there,
do you see that?
128
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,319
MUSIC STARTS
129
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,800
MUSIC STOPS
130
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,240
And we're...
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
131
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,599
It's OK, it's OK.
132
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,239
Engine on. Engine.
133
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,599
ENGINE STARTS
134
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,079
Biting point.
135
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,559
And... gas.
136
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:18,640
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
137
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,399
It's OK. Engine on.
138
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,159
ENGINE STARTS
139
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,440
Biting point.
140
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:27,839
Gas.
141
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,199
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
142
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,959
OK. Right, what you need to do...
143
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,279
I know how to start a bloody car.
144
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,119
Evidence would suggest otherwise.
145
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,079
It's you, you're making me nervous!
146
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,079
No, it's not me, is it?
It's Benjamin.
147
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,799
I hate to tell you,
148
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,319
but Benjamin's turning out to be
an almighty prick!
149
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,880
ENGINE STARTS
150
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:53,919
And we're off.
151
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,399
That's it up to 18 now.
152
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,799
Yeah, maybe think about second gear.
153
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,119
ENGINE STOPS
154
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,359
Eh?
155
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,599
Why have we stopped?
156
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,679
I don't... What did you say?
157
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,879
I just asked you
to put the car into second gear.
158
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,720
Oh. Oh, right, aye.
159
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,479
We're turning right, up ahead.
160
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,879
Eh?
161
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,599
I can't drive the car
and listen to you at the same time.
162
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,399
It's a driving test.
You need to take instruction.
163
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,319
HORN HONKS
164
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:22,840
KEN SIGHS
165
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,359
That's down to 17 now.
166
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,439
What's this obsession
with the temperature?
167
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:30,919
Eh?
168
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:31,960
HORN HONKS
169
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,839
Good.
170
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,719
OK, Mr Pritchard,
in a couple of moments' time,
171
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,519
I'd like you to attempt
a reverse parallel park.
172
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:51,639
Oh.
173
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:52,999
Oh, look, there's Tim!
174
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,519
Oh, God.
175
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,519
I'll just give him a wee beep.
Eh, no!
176
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,239
The horn is to alert your presence
to other drivers,
177
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,799
not to greet pedestrians.
178
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,359
I always think it's polite
to beep somebody you know.
179
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,239
What is it with you
and beeping at people
180
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,399
the minute you recognise them?
Honestly, it's like when you used to
181
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,679
drive me to school.
You'd beep at anyone who passed
182
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,319
who was wearing a school uniform.
It was madness!
183
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,159
Every morning I'd end up
waving at my entire class.
184
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,679
I looked like the Queen!
185
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:17,759
HE SIGHS
186
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,199
HORN TOOTS
187
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,160
All right, there you go.
Thank you, see you later.
188
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,279
Richard, you beeped.
Well, my dad did.
189
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,559
Ken. Hello!
190
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,839
What are you two up to, then?
Quick driving lesson.
191
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,159
Bit of father/son bonding, eh?
Yeah, I miss that.
192
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,639
But on a day like today when the old
sun parts those dark, grey clouds,
193
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:42,079
I think, yeah,
that's him, shining down on me.
194
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,959
Yeah, apparently,
it's meant to rain later.
195
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,759
Mr Pritch...
Do you mind if I call you Mr Pritch?
196
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,359
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
197
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,919
Well, my dear old mum, she's coming
with me to Aviemore next week.
198
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,279
I'm running a 10K.
199
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,359
And, um, she just wondered if you
would mind keeping her company
200
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,599
at the finish line? Oh, lovely!
201
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,279
I've actually just finished
giving her a wee poke there.
202
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:09,119
You tell your mother
I'd be absolutely delighted.
203
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:13,039
OK. Take care.
And stick with the driving, Richard.
204
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,999
Yeah. No. No, I can drive.
It's him that can't drive.
205
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,240
I passed my test when I was 17, Tim!
Tim!
206
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,080
Give him a wee beep.
Oh, just drive, would you?
207
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,199
HORN TOOTS
What are you doing?
208
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,359
Hey-hey-hey!
Who are you waving to?
209
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,639
Oh, who's that?
210
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,399
That was Joan Dempster.
211
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,319
You don't need to beep every time...
HORN TOOTS
212
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,359
HE CHUCKLES
213
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,559
Who even was that? It's thing-me-bob
and what's-her-face.
214
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:44,920
Close friends, then.
215
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,160
HORN TOOTS
216
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,200
I'm coming!
217
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,639
What are you doing?!
You're driving! Aww!
218
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,240
It'll get cold!
219
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,319
Shit!
220
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,159
What's the matter? Oh, my God!
221
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,359
GEARS GRIND
You can't stop here.
222
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,919
HORN HONKS
223
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,879
Is that me they're tooting?
224
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,160
HORN HONKS
225
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,959
So, did I pass?
226
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,639
Is that a serious question?
227
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,319
You mean I failed?
Multiple times.
228
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,079
Eh?
229
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,279
Oh. Well, what do we do now?
230
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:33,359
I don't know, Dad. I didn't realise
things had gotten so bad.
231
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,559
Ach, away!
232
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:39,799
There was one or two wee hiccups,
but nothing major.
233
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,959
What about when you
nearly hit that lollipop lady?
234
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,159
Well, what the hell was she doing
235
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,440
standing in the middle
of the bloody road anyway?
236
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:48,879
Look...
237
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,119
Maybe you should just
use the bus from now on.
238
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,720
I mean, it's free. Oh, aye,
it's free - when it turns up.
239
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,599
Well, we're going to have to
postpone your test.
240
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,079
Oh, come on, for heaven's sake.
What's happened...
241
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,759
Let's not be defeatist!
242
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,119
I'm not being defeatist.
I'm being realistic!
243
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,239
Realistic? Realistic, Richard?
244
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,719
Can I tell you something, son?
245
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,479
90% of my life
246
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,879
is spent working round the things
I'm not allowed to do any more.
247
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,879
I'm not allowed to go hill walking,
I'm not allowed to eat grease.
248
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,319
If I see somebody
with bright green hair
249
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:26,719
and pins sticking out their face,
I'm no' allowed to mention it.
250
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,239
If I don't get my licence back,
251
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:32,519
that is just one more thing
in my life that's closed off to me.
252
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,919
And you know what?
253
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:37,079
There comes a point
when you just think to yourself,
254
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,400
"What is the use?"
255
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,200
What's my use?
256
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,839
RICHARD SIGHS
257
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,759
OK.
258
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,120
I suppose we could give it
one more try.
259
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,999
Really?
260
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:57,839
IF you listen to me
and do exactly as I say.
261
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,720
I will, son. I will, I will.
262
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,240
Engine on.
263
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,279
ENGINE STARTS
264
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,320
Mirrors.
265
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,359
Oh, look, there's Ian and Jen.
266
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,960
HORN TOOTS
Unbelievable.
267
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,319
Hi, Ken.
268
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,759
Dr Sparrow.
269
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,799
Good to see you
behind the wheel again, Ken.
270
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,959
I don't suppose you'd give us
a lift to the pub?
271
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,959
We need to open and we're running
a bit late. Afraid not.
272
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,559
Awful good of you, Ken.
Yeah, yeah, thanks, lads.
273
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,479
Don't mention it. Ah.
274
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,439
So, been anywhere nice?
275
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,199
The old marriage counselling again.
276
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,079
She can't get enough of us.
277
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,039
I asked if she did loyalty cards.
278
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,079
THEY LAUGH
279
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,839
She didn't laugh.
280
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,519
Not even a flicker.
281
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,399
How's that all going?
282
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,920
Oh, fine. Grand. Grand.
283
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,759
SHE LAUGHS
284
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,479
Oh, what's that, my love?
285
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,319
Nothing.
286
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,239
Just what you said in there.
287
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,599
What did I say in there?
288
00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:04,159
Just about me using laughter
as a way of not dealing with things.
289
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,119
I didn't say that, did I?
290
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,840
LAUGHING: Yes! Which is fine!
291
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:16,679
I suppose she said it,
but you sort of did a nod along.
292
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,200
A nod along? This traffic's taking
quite a while, isn't it? Right.
293
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,719
So, did you mean to nod along or...?
294
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,519
Well, I suppose
if I did nod along, then...
295
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,920
You know, maybe she...
She might possibly have something.
296
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,839
So, you agree with her?
297
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,359
I think they might be
temporary traffic lights.
298
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,439
I don't... I don't agree with her.
You don't do it all the time.
299
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,239
It is. It's temporary
traffic lights. Oh.
300
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,040
I do it some of the time, do I?
301
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,000
Maybe some of the time, maybe.
302
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,279
Maybe.
303
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,679
See, that's up to 19 degrees now.
304
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,800
Is it? That's strange. Mm-hm.
305
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,119
I think we might just walk
the rest of the way, lads. Yeah.
306
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:11,519
Are you sure? Yeah,
the pub's right there, to be fair.
307
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,440
Thanks for the lift.
No worries.
308
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,080
RICHARD SIGHS
309
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,439
What? Come on.
310
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,840
Light's green.
311
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,240
You said you had the keys,
you feckin' eejit!
312
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,079
Turn the wheel.
Keep turning the wheel.
313
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,639
Stop turning the wheel.
314
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,479
And check in your blind spot.
315
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,799
Where is that again?
316
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,839
Good. This is good.
317
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,280
Just maintain this speed.
318
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,440
Oh, and braking to a halt.
319
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,599
Handbrake on.
320
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,479
Great. You're doing great.
321
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,039
Don't patronise me!
322
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:02,840
You cannot win with you!
323
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,640
DOORBELL JANGLES
324
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,600
Uh...
325
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,959
Oh... Er, change of plan,
you need to do a U-turn.
326
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,760
Eh? Now!
327
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:29,440
Now, Dad!
Have you lost your bloody marbles?!
328
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,879
OK, nice. Well done.
329
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,639
So, where the hell am I going?
330
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,279
Just follow Tim for a bit.
331
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,239
Follow Tim? Yeah, that's right.
332
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,919
Following a pedestrian,
that's part of the test now, is it?
333
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,599
You never know.
They update it all the time.
334
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:55,879
OK, right. Right! All right. Right,
right, right. All right, all right!
335
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,079
There he is. There he is.
Keep up!
336
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,239
I'm keeping up, I'm keeping up!
Right, floor it!
337
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,799
Oh, this is blooming madness! Do you
want to pass this test or not?
338
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,560
What the hell has gotten into you?!
339
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,039
All right, Richie?
What am I like, eh?
340
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,039
Are you OK, Digsy?
341
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,400
Aye, I'm fine.
342
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,919
Hello, Darren.
Sorry about that.
343
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,719
Ah, no worries.
Oh, nice petunias.
344
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,799
I am, yeah.
345
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,799
No, I mean... I mean the flowers.
346
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,919
Oh, they are, yeah.
347
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,879
I'm getting into hor... hor...
hort... hort...
348
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,559
Horticulture?
That's the one! Aye.
349
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,199
Well, that's good, son,
that's great, aye.
350
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,359
That'll keep you out of trouble.
Yeah.
351
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,519
Oi! Give that back!
352
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:44,720
Take care, yeah?
353
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,399
Get back here! Oi!
354
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,879
Oh, great, now Tim's gone.
355
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,879
Well done! Stop!
356
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,000
That'll be me failed again, is it?
357
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,839
Here you go. What's happening?
358
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,199
Well, thankfully,
she updates her stories quite a lot,
359
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,200
so I'm sure she'll post
where they're meeting, soon.
360
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,840
It's not stalking.
I'm saying nothing.
361
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,519
Sounds a wee bit like stalking
to me, though.
362
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,919
Well, that's not saying nothing,
is it?
363
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,679
Oh, come on! Why is it so important
that we have to find out
364
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,999
where they're meeting anyway?
365
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,239
Because I think
Tim is about to propose to Emily.
366
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,839
You big galloot, you.
367
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,799
Honestly, why didn't you tell her
how you felt about her, years ago?
368
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,879
Oh, I don't know.
369
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:42,599
There's just always been this
potential between me and her.
370
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,519
I guess I felt that as long as
it stayed potential, then...
371
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,319
...I couldn't mess it up
like everything else.
372
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,599
But now the idea that
there won't even be a chance
373
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,560
and that I've waited too long...
374
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,399
Yas, we're in! They're at
Bonnie Appetite. Right, let's go!
375
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,279
Aye, let's go, let's go, right.
376
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,360
So, what's the plan?
I don't know. Oh, marvellous!
377
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:21,880
What now?
378
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,079
I don't know.
Just observe, I suppose.
379
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,999
That's your big romantic gesture,
is it? Just to spy on her?
380
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,639
Just give me a minute!
381
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,959
SHE LAUGHS
382
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,799
Oh! Why is she laughing so much?
That's our thing!
383
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,559
Listen, I don't mean to rush you,
but my test is in half an hour.
384
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:42,960
Yeah, all right.
385
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,559
Oh, no, you don't!
386
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,839
HORN TOOTS
Oh!
387
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,920
Oh, so you're allowed to beep now,
are you? Stay there!
388
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,879
Emily, Tim!
389
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,359
I thought that was you.
Hello. Richard. Hi.
390
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,679
What are you up to?
391
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,519
Er, just giving my dad a final
driving lesson before his test.
392
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,439
Cos I can drive. Right.
393
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:07,759
Well, sort of.
394
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,399
I mean, they don't call you
three-prang-Pritchard for nothing.
395
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,319
None of those were my fault. Here's
your food, guys. Ah. Thank you.
396
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,999
Enjoy. Looks nice.
397
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,200
Thank you.
398
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,479
I should let you eat.
399
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,840
Cos otherwise it'd be weird! Ooh!
400
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,119
Well, tell Mr Pritch
good luck from us.
401
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,439
I take it you've called
the swimming pool to warn them
402
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,079
that he's back on the road, yeah?
403
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,120
LAUGHING: I should, shouldn't I?
404
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,040
Oh...
405
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,039
This is nice.
406
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,719
Catching up.
407
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,719
We should do this more often,
the three of us.
408
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,239
Or I could bring someone.
Right. Bring your dad.
409
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,799
No, I meant a girl.
410
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,759
If I met a girl.
I would bring a girl.
411
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,160
Yeah, yeah, just...
just let us know.
412
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,679
Was there anything else?
413
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,159
No.
414
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,519
Th-th-that's all, folks!
415
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,320
I've never done that before
in my life. Oh.
416
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,440
There you are, how did that go?
417
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,440
No!
HORN TOOTS
418
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,799
I was meaning to ask, actually,
what's the food like here?
419
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,279
Uh, well, we don't know,
420
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:31,159
because some guy keeps interrupting
us before we can take a bite.
421
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,959
Oh, right, right. Um, well,
422
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,119
do you want to take a bite now?
423
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,199
What, you-you want to watch?
424
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,280
Well... Yeah, yeah, OK, sure.
I'll... I'll try some.
425
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:44,840
Moist.
426
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,639
And how does it, er, taste?
427
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,239
Like eggs. Oh, excellent.
428
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,999
Or should I say eggs-ellent?
429
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:57,359
No. No. I've also been meaning
to ask, you know this one, Tim,
430
00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:02,999
what is an egg, is it a vegetable or
what food group would you put it in?
431
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,479
An egg is a member
of the protein food group.
432
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:10,279
Egg is a member of the protein...
Of course, of course.
433
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,959
Eggs-ellent. I've done that one.
434
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,759
Did you fall over today?
Well, I think I've, um...
435
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,559
I think I've got the information
I came for. So, I, I...
436
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,319
I shall bid you adieu.
437
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,239
Adieu!
438
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,160
OK. Bye.
439
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:26,959
Just go back.
440
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,639
Come on, you can do it.
441
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,640
Go, go, go! Go back.
442
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,479
I'm sorry, I'm sorry to do this.
Mister, you just keep your hands
443
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,879
on the table where I can see them.
444
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,959
Wait... are you in on this?
445
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,719
Is this one of your jokes
that I don't get?
446
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,639
I just want to make it clear,
I have nothing to do with this.
447
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,239
OK. Well, I wanted to show you...
448
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,680
I'm getting my own TV show.
449
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,799
Oh. Well, that's-that's-that's
great, Richard, but, um,
450
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,199
now might not be the best time.
451
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,959
Yeah, I wasn't going to say
anything, but...
452
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,959
...you forced it out of me, Tim.
Grrr!
453
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,919
Did I? Yeah,
it's a Dr Sparrow spin-off.
454
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,119
Oh! OK, well, that...
That's amazing.
455
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,759
Congrats, man.
456
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,240
Is that everything?
"Is that everything?"
457
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,039
Is that everything?
458
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,199
OK, well,
while you're thinking about it,
459
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,919
what is it you wanted to show me?
So...
460
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,359
No, don't!
What is going on, Richard?
461
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,199
Just don't make any decisions now.
462
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,719
What do you mean? What does he mean?
463
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,679
I really don't know.
464
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,919
I just wanted to show you
my dad's old ring.
465
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,599
Oh! Oh, did they clean it up
all right?
466
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,039
Yeah, did a really good job,
actually. Aww.
467
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,400
That's your dead dad's,
that's your...
468
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,999
It's your dad's ring.
469
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,559
I... I...
470
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:43,640
I saw him with flowers
in the jewellers and I thought I...
471
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,240
I...
472
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,280
HORN TOOTS
473
00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:52,319
Saved by the horn!
474
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,599
Yeah, this has been...
475
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,120
Yeah, I'm going to go now.
476
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,479
I'm not hungry any more.
477
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,440
No. Me either.
478
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:10,919
Thanks for getting me out of that.
479
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,359
But I beeped you because
I wanted you to go into the shop
480
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,279
and put my lottery on. No!
481
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,039
No, just drive, as quick as you can!
482
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,279
Oh, right. So, how did that go?
483
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,719
I can't feel my legs.
Oh, dear. Right.
484
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,799
I'll just sort my mirrors.
485
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,360
No, forget the mirrors!
486
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,759
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
487
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,599
Just take your time.
488
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,559
You're shouting! I'm panicked!
489
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,479
I'm sorry, OK?
490
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,719
Nice and easy. Nice and easy.
Engine on. Engine on.
491
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,759
ENGINE STARTS
Biting point. Biting point.
492
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:41,839
Accelerator.
493
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,000
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
494
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,600
Engine on. Engine on.
Accelerator. Accelerator.
495
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,599
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
496
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,800
Right, go on, get out, I'm driving.
497
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:04,039
Ah, I'll just nip in
and do my lottery. No.
498
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,040
No, no, no. It'll only take
a minute, for heaven's sakes.
499
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,680
Oh!
500
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:15,440
Who put that there? Heh!
501
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,359
BRAKES SQUEAL
502
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:27,799
Sh... Oh.
503
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,520
All right, Richie?
What are we like, eh?
504
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,240
Ken Pritchard?
505
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,719
Don't mention it.
506
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,279
Eh... that's me.
507
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,319
If you'd like to follow me.
508
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:02,919
Look, I'm sorry the driving lesson
got a bit out of hand earlier.
509
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,999
You'll be fine, Dad.
510
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,720
And, just so you know,
you have plenty of uses.
511
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,639
Like a... multi-tool.
512
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,639
Aye.
513
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,480
Exactly. Ha!
514
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,080
Good luck.
515
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,760
PHONE RINGS
516
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,559
Sally, hi.
Richard, how are you?
517
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,359
Please tell me you've got good news.
518
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:41,159
Well, you know, I just might.
519
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,359
Now, tell me, what was
your character called again?
520
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,240
Dr Sparrow.
521
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,560
Hello?
Not Judge Baskir, then?
522
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,039
INDISTINCT CHAT
523
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,479
Oh, my...
524
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,879
Are you all right?
Shall we phone an ambulance?
525
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,040
Dad?
526
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,640
I failed.
527
00:26:10,690 --> 00:26:15,240
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