Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,239
Dad, why have you sent me a petition
2
00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,279
to stop people feeding bread
to the ducks in the park?
3
00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:07,039
URINATING
4
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,039
Oh, and why are you peeing
with the door open again?
5
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,279
Oh, morning. Dad, how many times
have I told you
6
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,399
to just close the door?
7
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:14,519
What did you say?
8
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:15,719
Face the front!
9
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,679
I was facing the front
until you started yabbering at me.
10
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,399
Just...
11
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:22,879
PEEING CONTINUES
12
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,879
See how easy that is?
13
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,319
Eh?
14
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,639
PEEING CONTINUES
15
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,519
Did you get the petition
I forwarded to you
16
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,240
about feeding the ducks bread?
17
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,919
It has no nutritional value
whatsoever.
18
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,639
PEEING CONTINUES
19
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,359
Eh?
20
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:42,640
PEEING CONTINUES
21
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:45,599
PEEING CONTINUES
22
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,440
By jings, it's a long one, this.
23
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,479
I don't suppose you know
24
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,799
where the only
working phone charger is?
25
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,959
I'm on 5%. Oh, I lent it to Beth.
26
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,759
You lent it to Beth?! Yes.
27
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,119
She needed a phone charger.
28
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,279
I need a phone charger!
29
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,839
Well, you'll have to call Beth.
30
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,239
Ugh!
31
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,839
What day is it today?
32
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,719
Monday. Monday.
33
00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,079
This Monday?
34
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,839
Yes, Dad, today is this Monday.
35
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:18,799
You will be looking forward
to your birthday on Saturday, eh?
36
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,479
I've booked a wee table
at the new Italian.
37
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,999
I told them on the phone
I'd be having the lasagne.
38
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,039
Well, you'll be eating alone,
I'm afraid.
39
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,839
Eh? Well, I just don't feel like
there's much worth celebrating
40
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,199
in my life right now.
41
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,839
What do you mean?
What do you mean, "What do I mean?"?
42
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,079
This isn't how I saw my life at 40,
43
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,719
living at home in Forres with
my dad, sleeping on the sofa bed
44
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,120
in my childhood bedroom.
45
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,720
Plus, Emily's with Tim now.
46
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,479
I mean, what does she see in him?
What's he got that I don't?
47
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:52,079
Well, he's got a house, he's got
a car, he runs his own business,
48
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,440
and, of course, you've already
mentioned he's got Emily.
49
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,599
But, yeah, apart from that...
50
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:02,199
I just thought by 40 I'd be living
in my terraced house in Notting Hill
51
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,839
with my wife, and maybe
a little Richard running around.
52
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,159
The singer?
53
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,319
Kids!
54
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,719
Oh, right, right, right.
55
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:09,920
MOBILE RINGS
56
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:12,799
Sally, hi.
57
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,639
SALLY: Now, I'm telling you the
smell is still here.
58
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:16,879
Sally?
59
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,199
Well, I don't know what it is do I,
Pippa? I'm not a cleaner.
60
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,039
You're my assistant,
you work it out,
61
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,999
and do it somewhere else, please.
62
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,559
I have to call Richard Pritchard.
63
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,519
No. You have called me, Sally,
it's Richard.
64
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,839
Oh, God knows!
65
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,199
I don't know why I bother.
66
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,599
There's never any offers for him.
67
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,919
To be honest, I've stopped
putting his name forward for things.
68
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:38,599
Oh, the director mentioned me
by name?
69
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,519
Yes, maybe the smell
is his career dying.
70
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,079
Ha! That's very good, Pippa.
71
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,799
OK. Let's get this over with.
72
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:44,999
PHONE BEEPS
73
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,799
Er, oh, thanks, Sally.
74
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,600
No, you take care.
75
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,920
Good news, eh?
76
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:03,440
God.
77
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:12,439
Hi, I'm Tim Village, and I coach men
to unlock their true potential.
78
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,319
I truly believe that what
starts in the gym,
79
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,039
ends with you nailing that
presentation in the boardroom
80
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,959
and getting the confidence to
ask out that girl of your dreams -
81
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,519
or boy, if you...
82
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,799
So give me a follow if you want me
to help transform your life,
83
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,599
because it takes more than
a village.
84
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,439
Tim Village.
85
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,199
Oh! I've gone and followed him.
86
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,639
Oh.
87
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:36,719
No, no.
88
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,719
Unfollow. Unfollow!
89
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,239
No!
90
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,680
God!
91
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,239
God!
92
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,399
WHYYY?
93
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,320
CLICKS HIS TONGUE AND SIGHS
94
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,400
You all right?
95
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,919
Do you know I really believed
96
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:13,040
I was going to be a successful
and respected actor.
97
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,400
What am I going to do, Dad?
I'm completely broke.
98
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:23,240
Well, maybe you could get
yourself a real job.
99
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,799
Exactly.
100
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,960
There's nothing I can do.
101
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,039
Listen, son, if I've learnt anything
over this past year,
102
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:38,519
it's that feeling sorry for yourself
doesn't change anything.
103
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,679
What you need is a wee
part-time gig.
104
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,999
You know, something to
tide you over.
105
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,719
Ian and Jen, they're looking
for some help at The Beastie.
106
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,679
It'd be humiliating.
107
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,039
My face is on the Wall of Fame.
108
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,319
Yeah.
109
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,079
But you could maybe ask them
to take your picture down.
110
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,319
You're kidding me! It's all I've got
to show for my career.
111
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,839
Well, just think of it
as a wee diversion, maybe,
112
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,399
on the way to better things.
113
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,359
Look at that Robert de Niro fella.
114
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,399
He drove a taxi.
115
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:11,160
Aye, whilst researching Taxi Driver,
for which he won an Oscar.
116
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,559
Well, what about that other boy,
the left-footed boy,
117
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:19,359
played the Guildford Four,
the president with the funny chin.
118
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,879
Daniel Day-Lewis?
119
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,119
Aye, that's him.
120
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,559
He did lots of other things.
121
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,080
He was a cobbler.
122
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,719
I suppose
when you look at it like that.
123
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,759
I mean, I'm not comparing myself
Daniel Day-Lewis.
124
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,159
Very wise.
125
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,679
Well, it...
126
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,759
It wouldn't be like I was
actually working there.
127
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:37,920
It'd be more like a...
128
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,279
What's it called? A sabbatical.
129
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:44,079
You know, mixing with
the salt of the earth,
130
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,639
filling up my inspiration cup.
131
00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,759
I would think of it more
along the lines
132
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,999
of filling up your bank account, maybe.
133
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,999
Yeah, I do feel bad
about not paying rent here.
134
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,119
Ach.
135
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,279
No, no, honestly,
I've been here for a while now
136
00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:00,079
and I want to contribute.
137
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,680
So, don't argue. OK.
138
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,239
Well, maybe argue a wee bit,
if you...
139
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,560
Drink your tea before it gets cold.
140
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,959
Can I just say what an honour it is
141
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,319
for you to even consider The Beastie
as your potential employer.
142
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,640
Don't mention it.
143
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,319
What would the shift pattern be?
144
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,279
Shift pattern.
145
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,479
What a lovely turn of phrase,
Richard. Oh.
146
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,799
Well, right now it would be Tuesday
and Thursdays,
147
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,679
so that Jen and I can have our
date night.
148
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,039
Our marriage counsellor's idea.
149
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,959
She said we should introduce
date nights to our marriage
150
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,439
to give us a break from the norm.
151
00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,919
So, I'd be by myself behind the bar?
152
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,159
Yeah, but we'd just be at one
of those tables over there.
153
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,679
Oh... Oh, you're having your date
nights here?
154
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,079
Best pub in Forres.
155
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,679
Where else would we go?
156
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,119
Fair comment.
157
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:56,199
So, oh, do you have
any previous bar experience?
158
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,319
Um, no.
159
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:58,679
Ah. Not to worry.
160
00:06:58,680 --> 00:06:59,999
Next question.
161
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,040
Tell me what do you see here?
162
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,399
Just say what you see.
163
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,719
A moth.
164
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,279
Funny looking moth.
165
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,599
Aww.
166
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,519
We were looking for Satan himself.
167
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,999
Well, it's interpretative, isn't it?
168
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:16,119
So, say during your shift
the pub catches fire.
169
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,039
Now, you only have time to
save one of us.
170
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,199
So, who do you save?
171
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,399
Come on, that's... that's a bit
difficult.
172
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,359
It's just a bit of fun. Yeah, yeah!
173
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,639
There's no right or wrong answer.
174
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:26,959
I'll make it easy for you.
175
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,559
I'm lying right by the door.
176
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,679
Er, OK, and where's Jen?
177
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,559
She's in the cellar,
trapped under a crate of Schweppes.
178
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:34,639
Agh!
179
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:38,159
Right. Well, in that case, um...
180
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,240
I'd save you, Ian,
because you're by the door.
181
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,840
What about Jen?
182
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,879
What...? Um, well, I know,
but I just thought...
183
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,439
I'd be burnt to a crisp, Richard.
184
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:51,559
I know, but...
185
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:52,799
No, it's fine.
186
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,519
I just didn't realise you felt
that way about me.
187
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,799
Oh, my love. Oh, if you'll
excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry, Jen.
188
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,719
No, I need to go. I'll be fine.
Don't follow me!
189
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:01,919
DOOR SLAMS
190
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,879
Women and children, Richard.
191
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,679
Everybody knows you save them first.
192
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,519
Why did you put
yourself by the door?
193
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,079
Don't you pin this on me!
194
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,879
Well, just ask me again
and I'll say I saved her.
195
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,199
So I burn to death now?
What do you want me to say?
196
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,519
Thank you for coming in,
Mr Pritchard.
197
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,200
We'll be in touch.
198
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,120
Actually, I work here, so you leave.
199
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,960
Yes, sir, what can I get you?
200
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:36,480
MOBILE KEYS CLICK
201
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,039
Who are you texting?
202
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,439
Not that it's any of your business,
203
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,879
but I'm asking Beth if she'd
like to come to dinner on Saturday,
204
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,839
if you are adamant about being
a right misery guts.
205
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,799
I am.
206
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,119
Well, could you
turn off the sounds, at least?
207
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,559
MOBILE KEYS CLICK
208
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:54,599
Eh?
209
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,800
The key tones.
210
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,680
The sounds of the letters.
211
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,999
The noise you were just making.
212
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,599
Right, just... just press a button
on your phone.
213
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,159
What, on this phone?
214
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,840
That phone - yes, that phone.
215
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,119
KEY CLICKS
Well, can you hear that?
216
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,520
Hear what? Oh, for...
217
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,679
Key tones silenced.
218
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,239
I'm trying to concentrate over here.
219
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,679
If it's all right with you,
I'll just finish texting Beth,
220
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:26,279
is that all right? Mm-hm.
221
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,239
How do I get an aubergine emoji?
222
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,599
Why?
223
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,199
Because I want to tell her what I'm
going to grow in my new greenhouse.
224
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,360
Oh.
225
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,880
PHONE ALARM RINGS
226
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,200
Morning! Unbelievable.
227
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,279
Hi. Just... I'm looking for
some part-time work.
228
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,800
Um, no.
229
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,200
INAUDIBLE CHAT
230
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,519
Hi, just wondering if you had any...
231
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,880
That's... Right, OK. Right, OK.
232
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,000
DOOR SQUEAKS
233
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,319
Think that might need some WD40.
234
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,719
Hi, how are you doing?
I'm just wondering if I could...
235
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,919
Fine, thanks.
236
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,839
Good. Er...
237
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,399
Yeah, I was just wondering
if I could hand this in to someone?
238
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,159
I'll get the manager.
239
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,920
Great. Thank you.
240
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,399
Hi. You're here for a job?
241
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,159
Hi. Um, yeah.
242
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,039
Yeah, I wasn't sure
if you were hiring
243
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,559
cos there's a closing down
sale sign in the window, but...
244
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,999
Oh, yeah, it always says that.
Draws people in.
245
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,239
I can do an interview now,
if you have time?
246
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,479
Er... yeah. Yeah!
247
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,239
Wait. Do I recognise you?
248
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,959
No. Well, I mean... er...
249
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,719
I was on a TV show.
Detective Manners.
250
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,279
It was a bit of
a Sunday night staple.
251
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,359
You're the guy from the bed shop.
252
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,479
Also we might have met once
in a bed shop.
253
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,959
Do you and your dad just follow me
around from job to job?
254
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,640
Well, I think the question is
why can you not hold down a job?
255
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,039
Yeah, your question was better.
256
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,959
Annoyingly, we are
very short-staffed at the minute.
257
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,119
Are you outdoorsy at all?
258
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,479
Outdoorsy? Big time!
259
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,800
You know, when I'm not indoors,
I tend to be... outdoors.
260
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,919
Look, please, I really need this.
261
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,880
I won't let you down, I promise.
262
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,999
We do a probationary period
for the rest of the week and...
263
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,919
...take it from there.
Seriously... thank you.
264
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,799
What's your name? Richard.
265
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,359
We already have a Richard.
266
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,719
Hi.
267
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,319
You'll have to be Richard 2.
Richard, you're Richard 1.
268
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,319
Cool. Any questions?
269
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,600
Can I be Richard 1? No. Then, no.
No further questions.
270
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:45,799
Richard? Oh, hi,
just getting some reps in.
271
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,679
Well, so first you follow me
on the socials,
272
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,039
and now you're here for a
consultation. No, it's not that,
273
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,960
it's just... Please, sit.
274
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,680
So.
275
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,119
Oh, um...
276
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:05,479
Yeah. Yeah.
I'd like to get in shape.
277
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,959
Mm.
278
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,159
I guess I'm interested, Richard...
Can I call you Richard?
279
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,479
Yeah, it's my name.
I guess I'm interested, Richard,
280
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,439
in the first time you looked
in the mirror and thought,
281
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,759
"Hey, who is that guy
staring back at me?
282
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,079
"That's not the Richard I know."
283
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,239
Well, there was this one time
I got lost in a hall of mirrors.
284
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,639
What I'm trying to get at
is... emotionally,
285
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,999
where are you at, man?
Er, I...I...
286
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:31,319
I don't know. I'm living at home
with my dad, which is tough.
287
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,399
He's started peeing with
the door open, which isn't great.
288
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,399
Er... Oh, can I just check something
289
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,279
about the trainer-person-in-gym
confidentiality deal?
290
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,239
Oh, um, well, this is a safe space.
291
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,919
Cool. OK. So, you're living at home
with your dad,
292
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,239
he's urinating publicly. Continue.
293
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,759
Well, I'm only there
cos I lost my job.
294
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,879
Well, it's not the only reason.
I was a bit worried about him
295
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,839
after we lost my mum.
When did you lose your mum?
296
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,119
Um, two and a bit years ago.
297
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,480
OK. Let's just pause there.
298
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,199
What was she called?
299
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,039
Jean. Jean.
300
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,959
She sounds incredible.
301
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,960
I lost my dad last year.
His name was Douglas.
302
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,239
You see, Richard,
we can only experience grief
303
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,759
if first we experience love.
304
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,239
Yeah, I think I've got a coaster
that says roughly the same thing.
305
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:27,239
The thing is, Richard,
how do we move forward from that?
306
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,600
Because all we've got is the future.
307
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,279
What about the present?
308
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,799
It's already in the past.
309
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,599
What about now?
310
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,039
It's gone.
311
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,159
Right. Now? Gone.
312
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,279
Now? It's gone again.
Yeah, no, I see what you're saying.
313
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,039
What about, like, now?
There is no now. It's just past.
314
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,559
That's the point I'm trying to make.
Right, so that's gone, too?
315
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,159
Yeah, it's gone, I'm afraid.
316
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:55,399
Actually, I meant to ask,
how on earth did you and Emily meet?
317
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,959
Well, it's a very funny story,
actually. Um...
318
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,520
We met in a supermarket.
319
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,519
That's the end of the story?
Yeah, that's the end of it.
320
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,879
She's a great gal!
Yeah, she really... She really is.
321
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,999
Yeah, and do you know what?
You, my friend, are in luck,
322
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,079
because I actually have had
a client drop out.
323
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,559
So I do have a space
on my transformation programme.
324
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,559
OK. To be honest, Tim -
if I can call you that?
325
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,759
Please. Money,
it's a bit tight at the moment.
326
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,599
OK. Well, I put it to you, Richard,
327
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,799
how much is it costing you
to stay the same?
328
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,599
Well, actually that's free.
329
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,559
OK, look, look,
you're a friend of Emily's,
330
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:36,039
and I'm a big fan of hers, obviously.
331
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,159
So, how about we just pro-bono
332
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,119
whilst you get yourself
back on your feet?
333
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,600
What's stopping you now?
334
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,200
I wish I knew.
335
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,160
Welcome. Hmm.
336
00:15:53,920 --> 00:16:00,399
? Happy birthday to you
337
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,959
? Happy birthday, dear Richard
338
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,519
? Happy birthday to you! ?
339
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:09,479
Thanks. Hip, hip!
340
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,079
Hurray. Hip, hip!
341
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,999
These are getting a bit soggy now.
Hip, hip!
342
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,719
Hurray. That's fine for now.
343
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,040
All right, well, please yourself.
Here you go.
344
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,800
Oh.
HE CHUCKLES
345
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,639
Oh. Thanks, Dad, genuinely.
346
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,479
Anyway...
347
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,680
...about the rent we talked about?
348
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,999
Ah...
349
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,439
Here. Here a wee tenner
to yourself, there you go. Oh.
350
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,559
THEY CHUCKLE
351
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,959
How does that feel to be paying
your own way again, eh? Eh?
352
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,479
You're moving on up. Yeah.
353
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,080
Look out, world.
354
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,120
Oh!
355
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:09,800
HE STRAINS
356
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,839
HE FARTS
357
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,559
THEY LAUGH
358
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,199
I mean, that's Robson Green for you.
359
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,919
When he teamed up
with Jill Halfpenny,
360
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,559
filming was just a riot.
I mean, they're real jokers.
361
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,599
I don't know
who any of these people are.
362
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,919
They're my co-stars
on Detective Manners.
363
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,919
You did ask. No, I didn't.
364
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:42,999
No.
365
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,319
No... No, you didn't.
366
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,119
It's my birthday today.
367
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,999
I must be wanting
to relive the glory days.
368
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,759
Happy birthday.
369
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,039
What are you, like, 40?
370
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,639
Couldn't you have guessed lower?
371
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,679
What are you doing for it?
Nothing much. Keeping it low-key.
372
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,999
Could you buy me
and my mates some cider?
373
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,839
What? Why can't you buy it?
374
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,719
I'm 17. We'd let you have a can.
375
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,359
We're hanging out
at the duck pond later.
376
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,839
Yeah, thanks, but I'm not
spending my 40th with teenagers
377
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,759
drinking cider at the duck pond.
378
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,439
All right, Grandad, chill out.
379
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,879
How are you getting on,
Richard 2? Settling in?
380
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,519
Yeah. Yeah.
Richard 1 showing you the ropes?
381
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,920
No, I forgot - we also sell ropes.
382
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,719
Made any sales yet?
Well, not yet, but I will.
383
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,359
No time like the present.
384
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,199
Richard!
385
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,679
You... work here?
386
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,759
Me? I wouldn't have thought so.
Yes, he does.
387
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:41,519
Well, technically I do, but I'm
actually just researching a...
388
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,279
Researching a role. Um...
389
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:47,279
It's like an outdoorsy rugged type,
er... It's called...
390
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,679
...Camp Man. A Camp Man?
391
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,240
No, Camp Man. You say it quickly.
Camp Man.
392
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,560
Richard here can help you with
anything you're looking for today.
393
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,599
Still waiting for your
morning run data, Richard.
394
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,599
Yeah, sorry,
I forgot to download the app.
395
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,279
So you're telling me you don't
know your elevation gain?
396
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,479
What are you two whispering about?
397
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,119
Nothing.
398
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,119
So, how can I help you?
399
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,559
Well, we're going to Aviemore
in a few weeks. I'm running a 10K.
400
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,679
And we just thought we'd do
some wild camping afterwards,
401
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,119
so we are looking for your best
two-person tent.
402
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,319
A two-person tent for you and Emily?
403
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:27,159
No, for Ant and Dec. Did we not
mention they were coming, too?
404
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,319
Er, well, actually,
we're out of two-person tents.
405
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,919
Ah.
406
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,359
What about those? No, I wouldn't go
near them. They're not up to it.
407
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,079
Sorry, can I just...?
Is everything OK?
408
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,879
We're looking for a two-person tent.
Do you know what?
409
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,359
We could go elsewhere.
No, no, no need. Please follow me.
410
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,719
We have some lovely
two-person tents. Or-Or-Or...
411
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:49,599
Or have you considered these
very roomy, um, one-person tents?
412
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,239
The customers have asked
for a two-person tent.
413
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,239
Yeah, I know, but...
But these ones are, um...
414
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,119
They're buy one get one free.
No, they're not.
415
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,919
I know they're not, right,
but they could be, that's...
416
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,639
Richard 2, why don't you pop into
the back and do a quick stock take?
417
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,039
OK, you win.
418
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,119
Er, right, 80% off, final offer.
419
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,719
Get out! What?
420
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,400
You heard me, you're fired!
421
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,159
Fine!
422
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,200
Unbelievable!
423
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,320
Just trying to get my jacket!
424
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,359
Um, you just...
425
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:27,720
Right there for you.
426
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,240
There's a little knack to it.
427
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,999
Plenty of water on your hands,
just ease that clay out,
428
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,440
and you feel you've made...
CHANNELS CHANGE
429
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,279
Hey. So...
430
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,800
What do you think?
431
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,880
No' too smart, is it?
You look great, Dad!
432
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,439
Everything OK?
433
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,319
Aye. Bit nervous.
434
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,199
Well, it's just a dinner
with a nice lady
435
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,800
who you've got a lot in common with.
Aye.
436
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,200
Will you come with me? No.
437
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,959
Please?
438
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,439
Absolutely not.
439
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:18,079
I'm having a starter
then leaving, OK?
440
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,959
Hello. Table for Pritchard.
441
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,439
Pritchard.
442
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,519
One extra, I'm afraid.
443
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,719
You made me come!
444
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,439
I'm the man that called
about the lasagne.
445
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,959
Ah, yes, I remember you.
446
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,159
The rest of your party
is actually already here.
447
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,080
Ah. Party?
448
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,799
Oh, I'm going to kill you
when we get home.
449
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,080
If I don't kill myself first.
Oh, don't be such a mattock.
450
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,519
So, did you get a tent in the end?
451
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,959
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
452
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,879
I should get a 50% commission.
453
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,559
SHE LAUGHS
454
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,320
What's funny?
Just what Richard said.
455
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,079
I adore humour.
456
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,839
I can't believe we're all here.
457
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,359
I had one foot out the door
458
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:14,359
and then all of a sudden...
I just got so nervous.
459
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:17,519
I'm glad you did too, Ken,
and it wasn't just me.
460
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,159
It's silly, isn't it?
461
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,919
Personally, I wish
we could get rid of them now.
462
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,359
I'll leave.
Just sit where you are.
463
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,759
How are you, Ken? Eamonn Holmes?
What? Eh?
464
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:30,919
Yeah, that will happen.
465
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:35,559
I was watching an episode
of Detective Manners today, Richard.
466
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,079
You were in it. Right. Say again?
467
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,319
No, you were just saying
about the... What about?
468
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,639
I'm in Detective Manners.
Oh, don't boast, Richard.
469
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,039
I'm not boasting.
Yes, it was the gay one, you know?
470
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,719
The one where the gay woman
kills the gay man
471
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,199
because she's jealous
472
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,599
he got to direct the play
for the village fair.
473
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,959
Yeah, but I don't think them
being gay had anything to do with...
474
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,119
Say again, son? Don't mumble,
Richard. I'm not mumbling!
475
00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:58,799
You are mumbling.
476
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,719
Sorry about that, Beth. Carry on.
What was that? What did you say?
477
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,159
Oh, by the way, um, did you manage
to gather all your ingredients
478
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,199
for batch cooking tomorrow?
479
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,880
Batch cooking?
480
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,599
Oh, yeah, um, maybe I shouldn't say.
481
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,879
Say what? Um...
482
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,719
Richard has signed up
as a new client.
483
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,279
Richard has? What, this Richard?
484
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,239
Oh, and remember,
I need that video of you cooking.
485
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:26,079
I... I'm not going to send you
a video of me cooking.
486
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,399
Look, Richard, I need that video,
487
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,919
because otherwise
you can't be held accountable,
488
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,799
and if I can't hold you accountable,
489
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,719
then I can't help you transform
from who you were to...
490
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:39,159
Wow. ..to who you want to...
491
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,119
Third one. ..be. Mm!
492
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,040
Mm. OK.
493
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,079
I thought I needed...
Um, do you know what, Tim?
494
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,759
You're a lovely guy. Yeah.
But I quit. Right?
495
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,519
It's not you, it's me.
496
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,279
Well, it is a bit you, but, um...
497
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,439
I think the problem is,
I thought I needed a plan B,
498
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,399
but I just forgot
that when you have a plan A,
499
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,879
you just have to make it work.
500
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,479
I mean, I shouldn't be selling tents,
you know?
501
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,799
You don't. You got fired.
Well, yeah, exactly,
502
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,519
but, no, no, that's exactly it,
503
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,319
because the universe knows
that is not my path.
504
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:13,479
My path is to find truth
via performance.
505
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,999
That's... That's what my path is.
506
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,799
Yeah. I don't need a sabbatical,
507
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,439
I need an audition,
and that is what...
508
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,079
That is what I'm going to do,
so, yeah.
509
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,479
Cheers.
510
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,519
Cheers to me. Just me, is it?
That's all right, OK.
511
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:30,680
Well, here is to
life beginning at 40.
512
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,759
You mean 42, right?
513
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,119
What?
514
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,599
I mean, how does this happen?
I'm your only child!
515
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,799
Would it kill you
to know how old I am?
516
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:46,079
Don't blame me. I'm a pensioner.
What's your excuse?
517
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,799
Well, every actor does it.
You shave off a year or two.
518
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,119
Yeah, well, I think you're meant
to keep track of the actual number
519
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:54,759
in your head. Let's just
think about this logically, OK?
520
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,119
When was 1984?
521
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:58,879
I just don't believe this.
522
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,159
I've realised
life begins at 40 at 42!
523
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,879
Well, on the plus side,
some people think life begins at 50.
524
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,159
So... less time to wait.
525
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,919
If it cheers you up, Richard,
526
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,399
I put your birthday
into the Google machine.
527
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,079
Oh, you know, on the online.
528
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,279
And it said you have the same
birthday as Audrey Hepburn.
529
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,679
Oh! Oh.
530
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,799
And Michael Barrymore.
531
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,639
Oh.
532
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,360
What do you think happened there,
then, Richard?
533
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,080
Ian, Jen.
534
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,639
We've talked it through,
and we see now,
535
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,119
although what you said
was very hurtful,
536
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,559
it was a hypothetical situation
537
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,639
and you didn't actually
leave me to perish.
538
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,319
No. Of course not.
539
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,679
Aye. Water under the bridge.
540
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,639
Which would hopefully
put out the fire.
541
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,879
Knowing our luck,
we'd end up both drowning in it.
542
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,439
THEY LAUGH
543
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,760
Who would you save in that scenario,
Richard?
544
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,439
Just go, Richard! I'm sorry!
JEN SOBS
545
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,720
Oh.
546
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:24,359
Meera Syal guest starred
in four episodes in total,
547
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:27,239
and she's just
a fantastic performer,
548
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,480
and incredibly versatile.
549
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,719
Oh, buddy, buddy, sorry,
can you not do that?
550
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:38,199
It's got zero
nutritional value for them.
551
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,359
Who the hell is this guy?
552
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:41,520
DUCK QUACKS
553
00:26:41,570 --> 00:26:46,120
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40894
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof