Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:22,945 --> 00:00:28,044
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Sync by GoldenBeard
2
00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:03,938
Psst!
3
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,806
Wakey-wakey, Frosted Flakey.
4
00:01:06,808 --> 00:01:09,211
Hey, brought you a special present.
5
00:01:10,513 --> 00:01:11,748
Come on.
6
00:01:12,514 --> 00:01:15,249
Story time, chicken nugget.
7
00:01:15,251 --> 00:01:17,050
Rise and shine, there we go.
8
00:01:17,052 --> 00:01:19,855
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.
9
00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:22,659
Welcome back.
10
00:01:23,591 --> 00:01:25,761
What's going on? Wait a minute... What?
11
00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:28,064
Where am I?
12
00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:31,697
- Who dressed me?
- I did.
13
00:01:31,699 --> 00:01:33,734
I'm a big fan of bears.
14
00:01:33,736 --> 00:01:34,967
I'm not wearing pants.
15
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:37,239
When's the last time you
saw a bear wearing pants?
16
00:01:37,906 --> 00:01:39,607
What the...
17
00:01:39,609 --> 00:01:40,874
Easy now. Hey.
18
00:01:40,876 --> 00:01:43,243
The only F-bomb we're
using around here...
19
00:01:43,245 --> 00:01:45,145
is "Fred Savage."
20
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,179
Now, I want you to take a deep breath...
21
00:01:47,181 --> 00:01:49,249
and listen to me very
carefully, Frederick.
22
00:01:49,251 --> 00:01:52,184
You're in a PG-13
version of Deadpool 2.
23
00:01:52,186 --> 00:01:54,788
Which means we only get two... one...
24
00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:56,723
and a glass of white wine.
25
00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:58,158
Are you bleeping yourself?
26
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,230
You bet your... little... I am.
27
00:02:02,297 --> 00:02:04,530
That seems weird that you
would do that yourself.
28
00:02:08,704 --> 00:02:10,270
Please stop that.
29
00:02:10,272 --> 00:02:11,273
Sorry.
30
00:02:14,276 --> 00:02:17,011
Did you reconstruct
31
00:02:17,013 --> 00:02:19,312
the bedroom set from The Princess Bride?
32
00:02:19,314 --> 00:02:20,413
Inconceivable!
33
00:02:20,415 --> 00:02:21,482
Oh, God.
34
00:02:21,484 --> 00:02:23,083
Yeah, always wanted to say that.
35
00:02:23,085 --> 00:02:24,217
Felt real good.
36
00:02:24,219 --> 00:02:25,218
Why am I here?
37
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:28,187
Well, the reason that
you're voluntarily here...
38
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:31,157
is that so I could read you
the story of Deadpool 2...
39
00:02:31,159 --> 00:02:34,161
filtered through the prism
of childlike innocence.
40
00:02:34,163 --> 00:02:35,029
I'm a grown man.
41
00:02:35,031 --> 00:02:36,295
And nobody does childlike innocence
42
00:02:36,297 --> 00:02:37,263
like you, Fred. Nobody.
43
00:02:37,265 --> 00:02:39,166
I need you almost as
much as you need me.
44
00:02:39,168 --> 00:02:40,299
I don't need you. At all.
45
00:02:40,301 --> 00:02:42,703
You need me to untie you...
46
00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:43,971
once we're done.
47
00:02:44,839 --> 00:02:46,840
Hey! Easy, sugar mouth.
48
00:02:46,842 --> 00:02:48,007
This thing will go all day,
49
00:02:48,009 --> 00:02:49,842
all right? Lithium-ion
batteries. Hey...
50
00:02:49,844 --> 00:02:52,112
you are gonna love this
story. I promise you.
51
00:02:52,114 --> 00:02:54,080
It's got fencing, fighting...
52
00:02:54,082 --> 00:02:54,948
revenge...
53
00:02:54,950 --> 00:02:57,920
giants, monsters, true love...
54
00:02:58,354 --> 00:02:59,821
and miracles.
55
00:03:00,622 --> 00:03:02,889
Now...
56
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,858
Once upon a time, there
was a boy named Deadpool...
57
00:03:05,860 --> 00:03:08,095
who starred in a
surprisingly popular movie...
58
00:03:08,097 --> 00:03:10,063
which, in an industry dominated by
59
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,698
the exploitation of existing brands...
60
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:14,434
demanded an immediate sequel.
61
00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:19,205
And, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.
62
00:03:19,207 --> 00:03:20,473
True story.
63
00:03:20,475 --> 00:03:24,477
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
64
00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:27,347
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
65
00:03:27,349 --> 00:03:29,081
Really, anything from Disney.
66
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,619
And this family film is no different.
67
00:03:31,621 --> 00:03:35,555
Anyway, you know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
68
00:03:35,557 --> 00:03:38,024
Well, this guy, oof...
69
00:03:38,026 --> 00:03:40,296
he was one of the worst of 'em.
70
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,632
Open up! Let me in! He's got a...
71
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:55,108
A panic room? Really?
72
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,610
Can you come out?
73
00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:00,949
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
74
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:07,787
Over and over, I hear people say,
75
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,288
"I just don't have enough confidence."
76
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,625
Listen, confidence is
not something you have.
77
00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,825
It's something you create.
78
00:04:12,827 --> 00:04:15,061
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
79
00:04:15,063 --> 00:04:16,862
A sense of confidence is nothing
80
00:04:16,864 --> 00:04:18,164
but a sense of power within yourself...
81
00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:21,667
Start the car! Start the car!
82
00:04:21,669 --> 00:04:24,473
Dopinder, start the car!
83
00:04:32,114 --> 00:04:33,780
- Whoo!
- Oh, I shit my pants.
84
00:04:33,782 --> 00:04:36,383
Actually, that may have been me.
85
00:04:36,385 --> 00:04:37,551
Oh, mission accomplished?
86
00:04:37,553 --> 00:04:39,552
Oh, in a George W. sort of way.
87
00:04:39,554 --> 00:04:41,020
Can't stay in a panic room forever.
88
00:04:41,022 --> 00:04:42,623
Oh, you're living the dreams, DP.
89
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:44,523
It has been quite the run, Dopinder,
90
00:04:44,525 --> 00:04:45,926
and who'da thought?
91
00:04:45,928 --> 00:04:48,794
Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus and It.
92
00:04:48,796 --> 00:04:50,730
Passion of the Christ, then me.
93
00:04:50,732 --> 00:04:52,232
At least domestically.
94
00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:53,232
We beat them overseas,
95
00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:55,068
where there's no such thing as religion.
96
00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:57,604
I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy.
97
00:04:57,606 --> 00:04:59,907
Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks.
98
00:04:59,909 --> 00:05:01,842
- I want to fill my...
- Pockets?
99
00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:04,777
What's your poison? A
little, uh, Instagram?
100
00:05:04,779 --> 00:05:06,078
Can't maintain focus
101
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,748
without buying shoes online?
102
00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:09,749
I've never experienced that last one.
103
00:05:09,751 --> 00:05:11,051
Talk to me, Goose.
104
00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:13,854
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
105
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:16,989
I want to belong to
something, like you, Pool, sir.
106
00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:18,859
- Dopinder...
- Hmm?
107
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:22,128
You never cease to surprise me.
108
00:05:22,130 --> 00:05:25,064
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
109
00:05:25,066 --> 00:05:26,833
We all need a sense of belonging.
110
00:05:26,835 --> 00:05:28,768
We all need a genuine sense of home.
111
00:05:28,770 --> 00:05:29,835
A place in this world.
112
00:05:29,837 --> 00:05:31,171
I want to become a contract killer.
113
00:05:31,173 --> 00:05:32,873
I'm sorry. What did you say?
114
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:34,907
Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu
115
00:05:34,909 --> 00:05:36,443
and threatened him with great violence?
116
00:05:36,445 --> 00:05:37,643
You kind of killed him.
117
00:05:37,645 --> 00:05:39,813
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
118
00:05:39,815 --> 00:05:40,948
Don't want to.
119
00:05:40,950 --> 00:05:42,015
When Tom Cruise fed
120
00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:43,917
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
121
00:05:43,919 --> 00:05:45,184
for the first time...
122
00:05:45,186 --> 00:05:47,388
and she looked up at his smooth,
123
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:50,657
handsome face and said...
124
00:05:50,659 --> 00:05:52,325
"I want some more."
125
00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:57,097
Oh, Pool, picture me, a
10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
126
00:05:57,099 --> 00:05:59,833
I'll never not picture that.
127
00:05:59,835 --> 00:06:01,667
But I can't wait to never speak of this,
128
00:06:01,669 --> 00:06:03,636
as soon as possible.
129
00:06:03,638 --> 00:06:06,308
We're here.
130
00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,342
You're my Tom Cruise!
131
00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:11,311
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
132
00:06:11,313 --> 00:06:12,882
Kristen? Kirsten?
133
00:06:17,719 --> 00:06:19,386
Sorry I'm late.
134
00:06:19,388 --> 00:06:20,886
There was a bunch of
135
00:06:20,888 --> 00:06:22,789
handicapable children stuck in a tree...
136
00:06:22,791 --> 00:06:23,857
Nope.
137
00:06:23,859 --> 00:06:25,124
You're right. I was rounding up
138
00:06:25,126 --> 00:06:26,492
all the gluten in the world...
139
00:06:26,494 --> 00:06:27,761
and launching it into space
140
00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:29,796
where it can't not hurt us ever again.
141
00:06:29,798 --> 00:06:31,133
Try again.
142
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,032
Diarrhea?
143
00:06:33,034 --> 00:06:35,801
We can't be sure till
I get this suit off...
144
00:06:35,803 --> 00:06:38,274
but, uh, all signs point to yes.
145
00:06:40,642 --> 00:06:42,542
Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
146
00:06:42,544 --> 00:06:43,546
Well, come here.
147
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,659
Aren't you gonna say it?
148
00:06:59,661 --> 00:07:01,030
- Say what?
- You know...
149
00:07:02,530 --> 00:07:03,531
The thing.
150
00:07:04,599 --> 00:07:05,732
What?
151
00:07:05,734 --> 00:07:07,133
The part, where, you know...
152
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,301
- You want me to say the thing?
- Yeah, from...
153
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,469
Oh, you want me to say
the... From the... No.
154
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:10,804
"Is this a kissing book?"
155
00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:12,172
- I'm not gonna say that.
- Why?
156
00:07:12,174 --> 00:07:14,907
Because I don't think that's
gross anymore. I'm not 12.
157
00:07:14,909 --> 00:07:17,010
And I think a kiss is a
very sweet, loving gesture
158
00:07:17,012 --> 00:07:18,244
between two people.
159
00:07:18,246 --> 00:07:21,148
Unlike taping someone to
a bed and kidnapping them.
160
00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:23,215
I did not kidnap you! All right?
161
00:07:23,217 --> 00:07:26,619
I like to call it "unsolicited
location enhancement."
162
00:07:26,621 --> 00:07:28,087
Whatever, ball gag.
163
00:07:28,089 --> 00:07:30,390
I'm just saying that
if you're gonna force me
164
00:07:30,392 --> 00:07:32,292
to sit here and listen to this crap...
165
00:07:32,294 --> 00:07:33,760
I'm gonna have thoughts, okay?
166
00:07:33,762 --> 00:07:36,028
I'm gonna opine about things, all right?
167
00:07:36,030 --> 00:07:37,164
I'm an actor, I'm a director.
168
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:39,368
I know. I love Modern Family so much.
169
00:07:40,368 --> 00:07:42,201
The point is, you need to anchor
170
00:07:42,203 --> 00:07:43,436
the story in believability...
171
00:07:43,438 --> 00:07:46,239
and I just don't believe
that she'd be kissing you.
172
00:07:46,241 --> 00:07:48,308
I mean, she's gorgeous, and
you're, like, you know...
173
00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:51,477
if Rocky Dennis had a baby with lava.
174
00:07:51,479 --> 00:07:53,712
Hey, zip it.
175
00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:56,415
We already pay someone to say
stuff like that to me, okay?
176
00:07:56,417 --> 00:07:59,119
And you're wrong because
she would kiss me.
177
00:07:59,121 --> 00:08:01,487
She loves my insides.
178
00:08:01,489 --> 00:08:02,722
Trust me.
179
00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:04,691
We all saw the first movie.
180
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,191
I didn't.
181
00:08:06,193 --> 00:08:08,129
I kinda prefer Marvel movies.
182
00:08:10,765 --> 00:08:12,032
We are Marvel.
183
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,535
Yeah, but you're, you know,
Marvel licensed by Fox.
184
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,570
It's like if The Beatles
were produced by Nickelback.
185
00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:18,672
It's music...
186
00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:20,539
but it sucks.
187
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:23,212
Just checking the nose for blood, there.
188
00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:24,977
I love Nickelback!
189
00:08:24,979 --> 00:08:26,813
You get your dirty
mitts off Chad Kroeger.
190
00:08:26,815 --> 00:08:31,420
And the joke's on you because
Fox is being bought by Disney.
191
00:08:32,020 --> 00:08:33,085
Mouse ears.
192
00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:34,521
I think that puts the joke on you.
193
00:08:34,523 --> 00:08:37,956
Ears closed. Mouth open.
You were nicer as a kid.
194
00:08:37,958 --> 00:08:39,859
Now, where was I?
195
00:08:39,861 --> 00:08:41,527
Right.
196
00:08:41,529 --> 00:08:44,831
Wade swept Vanessa into
his finely toned arms...
197
00:08:44,833 --> 00:08:46,233
and she kissed him
198
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,371
with an expression that
could mean only one thing...
199
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,402
true love.
200
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:53,673
I'm gonna shower and get out
of this suit. In that order.
201
00:08:53,675 --> 00:08:55,041
Don't you want your surprise?
202
00:08:55,043 --> 00:08:57,543
Do I look like a patient burn victim?
203
00:08:57,545 --> 00:08:59,247
I got one for you, too.
204
00:08:59,881 --> 00:09:01,614
Happy anniversary, baby.
205
00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:03,284
Open, open, open.
206
00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:06,887
Skee-Ball token.
207
00:09:06,889 --> 00:09:08,421
Our first date.
208
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,889
Yup.
209
00:09:09,891 --> 00:09:12,761
That's genuine, high-grade lead.
210
00:09:15,396 --> 00:09:17,532
I'll keep it forever.
211
00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:19,401
Thank you, baby.
212
00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:22,805
- Open yours.
- All right, all right.
213
00:09:23,639 --> 00:09:24,738
Oh...
214
00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:26,205
Well, that's...
215
00:09:26,207 --> 00:09:28,008
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
216
00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:29,709
I don't know what this is.
217
00:09:29,711 --> 00:09:31,543
My IUD.
218
00:09:31,545 --> 00:09:32,479
A bomb?
219
00:09:32,481 --> 00:09:35,849
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
220
00:09:35,851 --> 00:09:37,017
What, you mean that your...
221
00:09:37,019 --> 00:09:38,784
Baby factory's open for business.
222
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,052
Oh, my God!
223
00:09:40,054 --> 00:09:43,322
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
224
00:09:43,324 --> 00:09:46,393
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
225
00:09:46,395 --> 00:09:50,028
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
226
00:09:50,030 --> 00:09:53,166
Like Cher or Todd.
227
00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:55,000
You gotta put a baby
in me first, cowboy.
228
00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:56,269
Yes, I do.
229
00:09:56,271 --> 00:09:57,970
Let's watch some porn and
show that bed who's boss.
230
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,308
Let's do that.
231
00:10:00,042 --> 00:10:02,142
♪ Papa...
232
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:04,613
♪ Can you hear me?
233
00:10:06,113 --> 00:10:08,513
♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪
234
00:10:08,515 --> 00:10:11,120
Does this song sound familiar to you?
235
00:10:13,355 --> 00:10:15,321
May.
236
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:19,294
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
237
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,163
So weird.
238
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:26,835
Family was always an F-word to me.
239
00:10:28,135 --> 00:10:32,538
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
240
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:34,941
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
241
00:10:34,943 --> 00:10:37,246
to draw off of for Todd.
242
00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:39,281
Hey.
243
00:10:39,648 --> 00:10:40,850
Look at me.
244
00:10:41,817 --> 00:10:44,186
You are not your father.
245
00:10:45,587 --> 00:10:46,753
Besides...
246
00:10:46,755 --> 00:10:51,827
I will never, ever let
our child be named Todd.
247
00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:53,893
But here's the thing,
248
00:10:53,895 --> 00:10:55,762
isn't that how it always works?
249
00:10:55,764 --> 00:10:57,229
Like in Star Wars,
250
00:10:57,231 --> 00:11:00,133
men are destined to
become their father...
251
00:11:00,135 --> 00:11:03,168
and then have consensual
sex with their sister?
252
00:11:03,170 --> 00:11:06,372
I think you missed big,
big chunks of that movie.
253
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,774
No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
254
00:11:08,776 --> 00:11:11,010
Baby, that's Empire.
255
00:11:11,012 --> 00:11:13,581
The point is, kids...
256
00:11:14,817 --> 00:11:18,350
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
257
00:11:18,352 --> 00:11:21,120
Better than we used to be.
258
00:11:21,122 --> 00:11:24,557
You're a lot smarter than I look.
259
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,393
I'm gonna go make dessert. And then...
260
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,397
let's make a super baby.
261
00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:35,502
What about Krystal? But with a "K"?
262
00:11:35,504 --> 00:11:37,235
It's too stripper-y.
263
00:11:37,237 --> 00:11:39,004
Kevin with a "K"!
264
00:11:39,006 --> 00:11:41,242
No, too stripper-y, too.
265
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,442
Uh, Earl!
266
00:11:43,444 --> 00:11:45,946
He's gonna go straight to jail
267
00:11:45,948 --> 00:11:48,114
if we name him Earl.
268
00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:50,285
What about Bruce?
269
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,551
No.
270
00:11:52,553 --> 00:11:53,753
Get down.
271
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:54,957
What?
272
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,812
Baby? Baby?
273
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,584
I'm okay.
274
00:12:24,586 --> 00:12:27,085
Thank God I didn't have to
use the cream cheese spreader.
275
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,424
Please.
276
00:13:08,130 --> 00:13:10,029
Please. Please.
277
00:13:10,031 --> 00:13:13,200
Baby, I'm so sorry.
278
00:13:13,202 --> 00:13:14,770
No!
279
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:22,340
Wait. Wait a minute.
280
00:13:22,342 --> 00:13:23,942
You fridged Vanessa?
281
00:13:23,944 --> 00:13:26,513
Uh, "fridged." I don't
know what that means.
282
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:27,814
It's a comic book trope,
283
00:13:27,816 --> 00:13:29,582
in which the wife or the
girlfriend of the hero dies...
284
00:13:29,584 --> 00:13:32,518
in order to further said
hero's motivation or story.
285
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,519
Well, that sounds misogynistic.
286
00:13:34,521 --> 00:13:36,189
Yeah. It reduces the
woman to a plot device...
287
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,824
existing in the film for no other reason
288
00:13:37,826 --> 00:13:40,127
than to serve as a source
of pain for the hero.
289
00:13:40,129 --> 00:13:43,330
Like Mufasa in The Lion King.
290
00:13:43,332 --> 00:13:45,965
Yeah, that's right, like
Mufasa from The Lion King.
291
00:13:45,967 --> 00:13:46,968
You got it.
292
00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:23,599
♪ Papa, can you hear me?
293
00:15:24,531 --> 00:15:25,864
Is it just me, or does
294
00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:27,933
Do You Want to Build a
Snowman? from Frozen...
295
00:15:27,935 --> 00:15:29,301
sound suspiciously like
296
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,037
Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl?
297
00:15:32,441 --> 00:15:34,441
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪
298
00:15:34,443 --> 00:15:36,975
Wade, you've been here
for three days, okay?
299
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,210
Go home, take a shower.
300
00:15:38,212 --> 00:15:39,479
You smell like
301
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,413
Rush Limbaugh's couch
cushions after Shark Week.
302
00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:43,048
I love Frozen.
303
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:46,585
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
304
00:15:46,587 --> 00:15:47,986
An ocean is water.
305
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:53,026
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
306
00:15:53,028 --> 00:15:55,497
George Michael was right.
I'm never gonna dance again.
307
00:15:55,862 --> 00:15:57,430
Oh, God.
308
00:15:57,432 --> 00:15:58,967
He's dead, too.
309
00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:01,500
At least we still have Bowie.
310
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,168
Mr. Pool, David Bowie is...
311
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,369
Uh, uh, uh...
312
00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:06,339
...still with us.
313
00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,610
We do. We still have Bowie.
314
00:16:09,077 --> 00:16:10,343
I'm sorry.
315
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,676
Shot after shot,
316
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:13,579
it's not gonna change the
fact that I think you're...
317
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:15,080
Are you pissing? Are
you urinating right now?
318
00:16:15,082 --> 00:16:18,118
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
319
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,018
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it!
320
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:21,388
There you go, Dopinder.
321
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:23,122
If you want to be a contract killer...
322
00:16:23,124 --> 00:16:25,792
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
323
00:16:25,794 --> 00:16:27,060
Although I don't quite understand
324
00:16:27,062 --> 00:16:28,195
how they are at all similar.
325
00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,832
Well, they both have
handles. Now, leave me.
326
00:16:31,566 --> 00:16:33,132
Go home, Wade.
327
00:16:33,134 --> 00:16:35,938
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
328
00:16:37,005 --> 00:16:38,838
Okay, I'm fine.
329
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:39,705
I'm fine.
330
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,474
You know what "fine" stands for, Wade?
331
00:16:41,476 --> 00:16:45,277
F'd up, insecure, needy, and emotional.
332
00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:46,814
According to the...
333
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,349
- Kubler-Ross.
- Yeah.
334
00:16:49,351 --> 00:16:50,950
According to the Kubler-Ross model...
335
00:16:50,952 --> 00:16:54,287
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
336
00:16:54,289 --> 00:16:56,589
Jesus Christ, Buck!
337
00:16:56,591 --> 00:16:58,894
No more speaking lines for you.
338
00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:28,087
"I'm thinking it over!"
339
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,725
Mother...
340
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,561
The hell you doin' here?
341
00:17:34,563 --> 00:17:36,529
Don't you know how to knock?
342
00:17:36,531 --> 00:17:38,497
I thought you saw me...
343
00:17:38,499 --> 00:17:39,965
with your ears.
344
00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:41,266
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
345
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,369
The wall?
346
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:45,908
The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain.
347
00:17:48,509 --> 00:17:50,209
I heard the news, sweetie.
348
00:17:50,211 --> 00:17:52,311
I'm very sorry. I am.
349
00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:54,280
What am I gonna do, Al?
350
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:56,585
Probably something terrible.
351
00:17:57,185 --> 00:17:58,517
Knowing you.
352
00:17:58,519 --> 00:18:00,154
It was my fault.
353
00:18:01,421 --> 00:18:03,756
I did this.
354
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:05,824
And all I wanna do is
grab her and see her
355
00:18:05,826 --> 00:18:08,130
and tell her that I'm
sorry, and I can't.
356
00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:11,731
She's gone.
357
00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:14,367
Now, look, sugar. You
need to just keep living.
358
00:18:14,369 --> 00:18:15,533
Thank you...
359
00:18:15,535 --> 00:18:18,771
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
360
00:18:18,773 --> 00:18:20,705
Listen to the pain.
361
00:18:20,707 --> 00:18:23,676
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
362
00:18:23,678 --> 00:18:27,213
Pain teaches us who we are, Wade.
363
00:18:27,215 --> 00:18:31,150
Sometimes it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
364
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:34,689
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
365
00:18:39,361 --> 00:18:40,896
Precious, aren't they?
366
00:18:41,396 --> 00:18:42,829
Whoa!
367
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,463
Are you a superhero?
368
00:18:44,465 --> 00:18:46,198
You bet your pigtails, sweetie.
369
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,667
What's your name?
370
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,635
Captain Delicious Pants.
371
00:18:49,637 --> 00:18:53,406
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?
372
00:18:58,913 --> 00:19:00,146
No, no, no. Come on, hey.
373
00:19:00,148 --> 00:19:02,481
There's, like, a hundred
benches around here.
374
00:19:02,483 --> 00:19:04,250
Go find another... Beat it.
375
00:19:04,252 --> 00:19:05,885
It's a free country.
376
00:19:05,887 --> 00:19:08,788
You're right. It is a free country.
377
00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:11,991
Hey, I want to just say,
I loved your work in Up.
378
00:19:11,993 --> 00:19:13,059
I'm sorry?
379
00:19:13,061 --> 00:19:14,260
No.
380
00:19:14,262 --> 00:19:16,295
I'm sorry.
381
00:19:16,297 --> 00:19:17,362
Whoa!
382
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,064
What? You don't like Up?
383
00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:21,301
There's gotta be some way to die.
384
00:19:21,303 --> 00:19:23,336
I just need to die harder.
385
00:19:23,338 --> 00:19:24,640
Trademark Fox.
386
00:19:40,987 --> 00:19:42,990
Your crazy matches my crazy.
387
00:19:45,426 --> 00:19:46,895
Skee-Ball token.
388
00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:56,936
I love you, Wade Wilson.
389
00:19:59,306 --> 00:20:00,842
Ness?
390
00:20:02,209 --> 00:20:03,311
Ness?
391
00:20:04,178 --> 00:20:05,711
Ness.
392
00:20:05,713 --> 00:20:08,417
Ness, there's something
here. I can't get to you.
393
00:20:10,051 --> 00:20:12,717
Your heart's not in the right place.
394
00:20:12,719 --> 00:20:15,253
Wait, hold on. What?
395
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,523
Your heart's not in the right place.
396
00:20:17,525 --> 00:20:18,757
Wait. What do you mean
397
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,126
my heart's not in the
right place? What does it...
398
00:20:21,028 --> 00:20:23,228
Turns out, I can die a little.
399
00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:24,664
I just can't stay dead.
400
00:20:41,483 --> 00:20:44,953
I'm terribly sorry for your
loss, Wade. You're broken.
401
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:48,857
Oh... I know that voice.
402
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:54,627
"Heart's in the right place."
403
00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,094
"Heart's in the...
" What does that mean?
404
00:20:56,096 --> 00:20:57,964
You've been sleep for three days.
405
00:20:57,966 --> 00:20:59,799
I took a liberty of dressing you.
406
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,333
No kidding.
407
00:21:01,335 --> 00:21:03,101
Why can't I finally die?
408
00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:04,771
Take your mask off, Wade.
409
00:21:04,773 --> 00:21:06,539
We must talk.
410
00:21:06,541 --> 00:21:08,774
You need fresh start.
411
00:21:08,776 --> 00:21:11,276
With training, you can be X-Man.
412
00:21:11,278 --> 00:21:13,611
You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus.
413
00:21:13,613 --> 00:21:14,879
I'm not X-Man material.
414
00:21:14,881 --> 00:21:16,751
Understatement of the year.
415
00:21:17,118 --> 00:21:18,120
Wade, Yukio.
416
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,452
Yukio, Wade.
417
00:21:20,454 --> 00:21:22,687
What in the fudgcicle is this?
418
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:25,123
She's my girlfriend, you intolerant...
419
00:21:25,125 --> 00:21:27,092
Whoa! Pump the hate
brakes, Fox and Friends.
420
00:21:27,094 --> 00:21:29,028
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
421
00:21:29,030 --> 00:21:31,863
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
422
00:21:31,865 --> 00:21:33,898
I like this guy.
423
00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:35,834
Give him a chance.
424
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,035
It's great seeing you like this.
425
00:21:37,037 --> 00:21:39,274
Yeah.
426
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:40,939
Bye, Wade!
427
00:21:40,941 --> 00:21:43,542
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
428
00:21:43,544 --> 00:21:46,579
"Rule number one. No killing...
429
00:21:46,581 --> 00:21:49,881
"anyone ever, no matter how bad.
430
00:21:49,883 --> 00:21:52,717
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
431
00:21:52,719 --> 00:21:53,921
Wade?
432
00:21:54,621 --> 00:21:55,687
Wade?
433
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:56,755
Wade!
434
00:21:56,757 --> 00:21:58,757
Don't try to chase me.
435
00:21:58,759 --> 00:22:01,060
I'm not ready to be touched again.
436
00:22:01,062 --> 00:22:03,294
All these elderly white
men on the walls...
437
00:22:03,296 --> 00:22:05,264
Should have brought my rape whistle.
438
00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:09,167
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
439
00:22:09,169 --> 00:22:10,969
What am I supposed to
do around here, anyway?
440
00:22:10,971 --> 00:22:13,205
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
441
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:16,341
And how would I do that exactly?
442
00:22:16,343 --> 00:22:18,844
'Cause where the hell is everyone?
443
00:22:18,846 --> 00:22:20,012
It's always just you
444
00:22:20,014 --> 00:22:21,580
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...
445
00:22:21,582 --> 00:22:22,648
Enough!
446
00:22:22,650 --> 00:22:24,486
I said no touching!
447
00:22:28,922 --> 00:22:31,623
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
448
00:22:31,625 --> 00:22:33,928
One that doesn't end up in my mouth.
449
00:22:34,963 --> 00:22:36,195
The first movie made more money
450
00:22:36,197 --> 00:22:38,531
than the guy who invented pants.
451
00:22:38,533 --> 00:22:40,934
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
452
00:22:40,936 --> 00:22:43,068
How 'bout that putz with
the giant pigeon wings?
453
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:44,235
What do those do anyway, huh?
454
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,772
Carry him three feet off the ground
455
00:22:45,774 --> 00:22:47,939
to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb?
456
00:22:47,941 --> 00:22:50,109
No, no, no!
457
00:22:50,111 --> 00:22:53,078
I am not X-Man material at all.
458
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,481
First off...
459
00:22:55,483 --> 00:22:57,953
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...
460
00:22:59,887 --> 00:23:00,986
I should have left you
461
00:23:00,988 --> 00:23:02,855
in the self-pity mess I found you in.
462
00:23:02,857 --> 00:23:05,891
But this is what
friends do. They show up!
463
00:23:05,893 --> 00:23:07,926
Not when convenient or easy.
464
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:12,231
When hard, and you always make it hard.
465
00:23:12,233 --> 00:23:14,899
You are unwell.
466
00:23:14,901 --> 00:23:17,102
I'm sticking my neck
out bringing you here.
467
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,971
Wait. One of the assholes
468
00:23:18,973 --> 00:23:20,508
who killed Vanessa got away.
469
00:23:22,977 --> 00:23:25,144
Oh, Jesus Christ!
470
00:23:25,146 --> 00:23:27,179
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
471
00:23:27,181 --> 00:23:29,080
Please know I wouldn't be
able to stop you if you did.
472
00:23:29,082 --> 00:23:31,250
Wade, whoever they are...
473
00:23:31,252 --> 00:23:33,718
we track them down and
bring them to justice.
474
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,189
It was me.
475
00:23:38,258 --> 00:23:40,127
I'm the asshole who got away.
476
00:23:41,027 --> 00:23:44,029
I killed every last
one of them, except me.
477
00:23:44,031 --> 00:23:46,001
Couldn't kill me.
478
00:23:49,035 --> 00:23:51,238
We were gonna start a family.
479
00:23:52,841 --> 00:23:54,974
We were, uh...
480
00:23:56,044 --> 00:23:58,644
We were gonna be a family.
481
00:23:58,646 --> 00:23:59,779
Wade...
482
00:23:59,781 --> 00:24:02,617
Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back.
483
00:24:04,084 --> 00:24:06,586
This may not be family you want...
484
00:24:06,588 --> 00:24:08,954
but it's family you need.
485
00:24:08,956 --> 00:24:10,222
You have a good heart.
486
00:24:10,224 --> 00:24:12,060
It belongs here where it can grow.
487
00:24:13,694 --> 00:24:15,363
What did you say?
488
00:24:16,730 --> 00:24:18,198
About my heart?
489
00:24:23,604 --> 00:24:25,606
I think I'm in the right place.
490
00:25:18,993 --> 00:25:20,126
Whoa!
491
00:25:20,128 --> 00:25:23,361
Cable? You got Cable?
492
00:25:23,363 --> 00:25:24,496
If I didn't know any better,
493
00:25:24,498 --> 00:25:26,498
I'd say that you're getting into this.
494
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:27,765
You know Cable?
495
00:25:27,767 --> 00:25:30,702
Uh, the biological son of
Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor...
496
00:25:30,704 --> 00:25:31,870
Jean Grey's clone.
497
00:25:31,872 --> 00:25:33,939
Half-brother to Rachel
Summers and Nate Grey.
498
00:25:33,941 --> 00:25:35,174
Raised as the Askani's son,
499
00:25:35,176 --> 00:25:36,475
and genetic template for Stryfe.
500
00:25:36,477 --> 00:25:38,144
From a possible alternate timeline...
501
00:25:38,146 --> 00:25:40,279
having been taken as an
infant to the future...
502
00:25:40,281 --> 00:25:41,947
and infected with a
techno-organic virus.
503
00:25:41,949 --> 00:25:44,050
I hope you have given
this deeply-nuanced
504
00:25:44,052 --> 00:25:46,388
and richly-layered backstory its due.
505
00:25:51,257 --> 00:25:54,326
Yeah, we're covering
the time travel stuff.
506
00:25:54,328 --> 00:25:55,895
We have eight weeks of boot camp
507
00:25:55,897 --> 00:25:56,962
ahead of us, men.
508
00:25:56,964 --> 00:25:58,830
That'll get us toned and prepared
509
00:25:58,832 --> 00:26:00,168
for all matter of combat.
510
00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:06,304
Not working out at all.
511
00:26:06,306 --> 00:26:10,377
Masking tape. It is no
friend to chilled aluminum.
512
00:26:11,644 --> 00:26:12,744
Velcro.
513
00:26:12,746 --> 00:26:14,815
Color-coded. Efficient.
Environmentally friendly.
514
00:26:15,582 --> 00:26:16,849
Who's he talking to?
515
00:26:16,851 --> 00:26:18,783
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?
516
00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:20,519
Can we focus for a moment, ladies?
517
00:26:20,521 --> 00:26:22,588
Please, we need to talk
about next month's meal plan.
518
00:26:22,590 --> 00:26:24,956
Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche.
519
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:26,324
I read the suggestion box. That's on me.
520
00:26:26,326 --> 00:26:27,859
I'm gonna stop you right there.
521
00:26:27,861 --> 00:26:30,128
I see through this weak act.
522
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:34,600
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...
523
00:26:34,602 --> 00:26:35,801
but not me.
524
00:26:35,803 --> 00:26:36,968
Don't be mean.
525
00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:38,102
Back off, NTW.
526
00:26:38,104 --> 00:26:39,237
No, no, no.
527
00:26:39,239 --> 00:26:40,571
No, let her go.
528
00:26:40,573 --> 00:26:43,275
Let her go. It's okay. She
has a right to be skeptical.
529
00:26:43,277 --> 00:26:46,180
Look at me. I'm an easy target.
530
00:26:47,081 --> 00:26:48,214
You know, historically,
531
00:26:48,216 --> 00:26:50,448
mischief has been my mistress...
532
00:26:50,450 --> 00:26:53,587
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think that...
533
00:26:54,721 --> 00:26:58,223
well, you guys have
really rubbed off on me.
534
00:26:58,225 --> 00:27:00,661
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you too.
535
00:27:00,961 --> 00:27:02,194
A lot.
536
00:27:02,196 --> 00:27:04,995
And for the first
time in a long while...
537
00:27:04,997 --> 00:27:06,567
I like me.
538
00:27:08,235 --> 00:27:09,601
I accept your apology.
539
00:27:09,603 --> 00:27:10,836
I never apologized.
540
00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:12,303
I was talking to your heart.
541
00:27:12,305 --> 00:27:14,705
See? You're not lost cause you thought.
542
00:27:14,707 --> 00:27:18,109
I'm proud. You're
everything I knew you can be.
543
00:27:18,111 --> 00:27:20,111
Thank you, Colossus.
544
00:27:20,113 --> 00:27:21,914
Just trying to be the
world's best X-Man.
545
00:27:21,916 --> 00:27:23,451
Sorry, X-Person.
546
00:27:24,951 --> 00:27:26,854
Hmm. Something wrong with the soap.
547
00:27:27,721 --> 00:27:29,921
It's fine. I just filled it.
548
00:27:29,923 --> 00:27:31,125
Give it a few more pumps there.
549
00:27:32,593 --> 00:27:37,061
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's dust bunny season...
550
00:27:37,063 --> 00:27:38,265
and I'm hunting wabbits.
551
00:27:38,832 --> 00:27:40,168
Bye, Wade.
552
00:27:45,273 --> 00:27:46,541
Wade.
553
00:27:47,006 --> 00:27:48,208
Wade.
554
00:27:48,842 --> 00:27:50,176
Wade!
555
00:27:50,178 --> 00:27:53,111
Hey, I was just taking
Cerebro for a spin here...
556
00:27:53,113 --> 00:27:54,914
looking deep into the future.
557
00:27:54,916 --> 00:27:56,415
Phew. This thing...
558
00:27:56,417 --> 00:27:58,117
- That's not how Cerebro works.
- That's not how Cerebro works.
559
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,118
Yes. Yes, it is.
560
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,888
- We have mission.
- We have mission.
561
00:28:01,890 --> 00:28:03,856
We do. You do.
562
00:28:03,858 --> 00:28:05,123
You guys be safe out there.
563
00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:07,928
- No, I want you to join.
- No, you want me to join.
564
00:28:09,630 --> 00:28:10,862
I'm sorry, what?
565
00:28:10,864 --> 00:28:11,897
You are ready.
566
00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:14,099
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.
567
00:28:14,101 --> 00:28:15,703
Be at the X-Jet in five.
568
00:28:18,339 --> 00:28:20,805
Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.
569
00:28:20,807 --> 00:28:22,774
Live here at a breaking news situation
570
00:28:22,776 --> 00:28:25,578
at the Essex House for
Mutant Rehabilitation.
571
00:28:25,580 --> 00:28:27,545
A mutant boy is appearing to have
572
00:28:27,547 --> 00:28:28,946
some sort of an incident...
573
00:28:28,948 --> 00:28:30,683
- with police here behind
me. Get away from me!
574
00:28:30,685 --> 00:28:33,217
There are two police
vehicles that are overturned.
575
00:28:33,219 --> 00:28:34,586
- Russell, calm down.
- Freak off!
576
00:28:34,588 --> 00:28:35,855
A scene of absolute chaos here.
577
00:28:35,857 --> 00:28:37,122
Calm down.
578
00:28:37,124 --> 00:28:40,024
I'll burn you! You stay back!
579
00:28:40,026 --> 00:28:41,292
Get away from me!
580
00:28:57,411 --> 00:29:00,712
It appears as if the
X- Men are arriving...
581
00:29:00,714 --> 00:29:01,746
Scatter!
582
00:29:01,748 --> 00:29:04,317
...with what appears to be a trainee.
583
00:29:04,319 --> 00:29:07,352
Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
584
00:29:07,354 --> 00:29:08,486
We're the X-Men!
585
00:29:08,488 --> 00:29:11,189
A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s.
586
00:29:11,191 --> 00:29:13,824
So, respect.
587
00:29:13,826 --> 00:29:15,229
At ease, Officer.
588
00:29:16,698 --> 00:29:18,696
What are you doing?
589
00:29:18,698 --> 00:29:19,764
My job!
590
00:29:19,766 --> 00:29:21,332
You're the one who said I was ready,
591
00:29:21,334 --> 00:29:22,734
and I frankly disagreed with you.
592
00:29:22,736 --> 00:29:25,337
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
593
00:29:25,339 --> 00:29:28,540
Like Beyonce says, "Please...
594
00:29:28,542 --> 00:29:30,076
"Please, stop cheating on me."
595
00:29:30,078 --> 00:29:31,209
Hey!
596
00:29:31,211 --> 00:29:32,543
This is the fifth incident.
597
00:29:32,545 --> 00:29:34,946
This kid needs to be in
the Ice Box, not here.
598
00:29:34,948 --> 00:29:36,580
Russell belongs in our care.
599
00:29:36,582 --> 00:29:38,384
Not in prison. I assure you...
600
00:29:38,386 --> 00:29:39,517
we have everything under control.
601
00:29:39,519 --> 00:29:40,819
Stay back! I'll burn you!
602
00:29:40,821 --> 00:29:42,020
Not getting a real
603
00:29:42,022 --> 00:29:44,122
"under control" vibe here, Marty.
604
00:29:44,124 --> 00:29:46,192
- It is Glen, isn't it?
- Daniel.
605
00:29:46,194 --> 00:29:47,525
I'll ask the questions, Miguel.
606
00:29:47,527 --> 00:29:48,860
Let me talk to the kid.
607
00:29:48,862 --> 00:29:53,634
You stay here with your
weird, secret sex lips.
608
00:29:54,935 --> 00:29:56,134
You wanna die?
609
00:29:56,136 --> 00:29:57,336
This kid's adorable.
610
00:29:57,338 --> 00:29:58,336
I don't know why I
packed the hollow points.
611
00:29:58,338 --> 00:29:59,839
I'll burn your arms off!
612
00:29:59,841 --> 00:30:02,644
First day. I'm so nervous!
613
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:04,946
Did you just say "hollow points"?
614
00:30:05,513 --> 00:30:06,712
Yeah, probably should've
615
00:30:06,714 --> 00:30:08,582
brought a Super Soaker.
616
00:30:09,082 --> 00:30:10,485
Hi, there!
617
00:30:11,319 --> 00:30:13,753
Stay back or Justin Bieber dies!
618
00:30:13,755 --> 00:30:18,290
Justin Bieber. He
called you Justin Bieber.
619
00:30:18,292 --> 00:30:20,425
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
620
00:30:20,427 --> 00:30:23,529
Okay, let's not do whatever that is.
621
00:30:23,531 --> 00:30:25,129
Okay? Let's just talk!
622
00:30:25,131 --> 00:30:26,898
It's Russell, right?
623
00:30:26,900 --> 00:30:28,934
- Firefist.
- Firefist.
624
00:30:28,936 --> 00:30:31,369
Ooh, that's a great
name. Where does it burn?
625
00:30:31,371 --> 00:30:33,171
Just the fist, or all
the way up to the elbow?
626
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,778
Definitely all the way up to the elbow.
627
00:30:39,780 --> 00:30:42,981
Come quietly, or there will be trouble.
628
00:30:42,983 --> 00:30:46,252
- You stole that from Robocop!
- That's from Robocop!
629
00:30:46,254 --> 00:30:47,785
Just stand down!
630
00:30:47,787 --> 00:30:49,990
You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire...
631
00:30:52,493 --> 00:30:54,725
I can't say it! I'm so sorry!
632
00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:02,435
Oh, my gosh! That does it!
633
00:31:02,437 --> 00:31:03,968
Put your hands behind your knees
634
00:31:03,970 --> 00:31:05,471
and get down on your head! Now!
635
00:31:05,473 --> 00:31:07,673
Wade! What was first rule?
636
00:31:07,675 --> 00:31:09,675
Label everything in the refrigerator!
637
00:31:09,677 --> 00:31:12,444
- Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be broken!
638
00:31:12,446 --> 00:31:14,013
That's the exact opposite
639
00:31:14,015 --> 00:31:15,515
of what they're meant for!
640
00:31:16,249 --> 00:31:18,248
Come on! Fine!
641
00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:19,685
I'll start from the beginning.
642
00:31:19,687 --> 00:31:22,353
My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man.
643
00:31:22,355 --> 00:31:24,691
- Trainee!
- Shut it!
644
00:31:25,226 --> 00:31:27,661
Look, I get it.
645
00:31:28,595 --> 00:31:30,928
All right, you're scared.
646
00:31:30,930 --> 00:31:32,030
Alone.
647
00:31:32,032 --> 00:31:33,131
You got no family.
648
00:31:33,133 --> 00:31:34,198
I didn't have a family, either.
649
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,833
You live in this dump. Guess what?
650
00:31:35,835 --> 00:31:38,536
I used to live in a
shithole just like it.
651
00:31:38,538 --> 00:31:41,072
But you know something?
To make matters worse...
652
00:31:41,074 --> 00:31:42,940
it's a confusing time
in your life right now.
653
00:31:42,942 --> 00:31:46,677
Your body is going
through some fiery changes.
654
00:31:46,679 --> 00:31:48,646
Too far? I went too far, didn't I?
655
00:31:56,023 --> 00:31:58,057
That was effervescent.
656
00:31:58,059 --> 00:32:00,292
Stay in school, kid.
657
00:32:00,294 --> 00:32:02,293
Or don't. I didn't.
658
00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:03,995
And I'm an X-Man.
659
00:32:03,997 --> 00:32:05,531
Trainee.
660
00:32:05,533 --> 00:32:07,834
Superhero landing coming up!
661
00:32:12,139 --> 00:32:14,942
Ouch, ouch, ouch! Oh, God, that hurts.
662
00:32:35,795 --> 00:32:37,795
I could get used to this X-Man shit.
663
00:32:37,797 --> 00:32:40,064
Trainee!
664
00:32:40,066 --> 00:32:42,000
Get a power restraint on him. Now!
665
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:45,473
Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya.
666
00:32:47,207 --> 00:32:48,673
What's that do?
667
00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:50,309
Power-dampening collar.
668
00:32:50,311 --> 00:32:51,609
Shuts down all mutant abilities.
669
00:32:51,611 --> 00:32:54,446
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
670
00:32:54,448 --> 00:32:57,549
Huh. Could've used one
of those in the first act.
671
00:32:57,551 --> 00:32:58,953
Thank you!
672
00:33:00,553 --> 00:33:03,054
That was absolutely thrilling.
673
00:33:03,056 --> 00:33:05,189
True heroism in action.
674
00:33:05,191 --> 00:33:07,425
We are in your debt.
675
00:33:07,427 --> 00:33:09,360
We can take it from here.
676
00:33:09,362 --> 00:33:11,562
Take me to the Ice Box, please!
677
00:33:11,564 --> 00:33:13,032
Anywhere's better than here.
678
00:33:13,034 --> 00:33:13,998
Believe me, son,
679
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,667
you do not wanna go to the Ice Box.
680
00:33:15,669 --> 00:33:17,703
Let's get you inside, young man.
681
00:33:17,705 --> 00:33:19,638
No, wait, wait. Wait.
682
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,242
You guys stay there.
683
00:33:30,050 --> 00:33:31,919
Those guys hurt you?
684
00:33:33,219 --> 00:33:34,255
Who?
685
00:33:36,290 --> 00:33:39,060
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
686
00:33:40,427 --> 00:33:42,029
Both of 'em?
687
00:33:46,132 --> 00:33:47,398
Ah, screw it.
688
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,067
Four or five moments!
689
00:33:49,069 --> 00:33:50,135
I'm sorry?
690
00:33:50,137 --> 00:33:53,508
Four or five moments!
691
00:33:54,507 --> 00:33:57,511
That's all it takes to be a hero.
692
00:33:58,344 --> 00:34:00,611
People think you wake up a hero...
693
00:34:00,613 --> 00:34:02,781
brush your teeth a hero...
694
00:34:02,783 --> 00:34:05,684
make love to a soap dispenser a hero.
695
00:34:07,021 --> 00:34:11,025
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
696
00:34:12,292 --> 00:34:13,924
A few moments...
697
00:34:13,926 --> 00:34:16,795
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
698
00:34:23,937 --> 00:34:26,538
- Wade, what did you do?
- Colossus, no!
699
00:34:26,540 --> 00:34:27,973
That kid was abused! You can tell.
700
00:34:27,975 --> 00:34:29,674
You can always tell! We have rules!
701
00:34:29,676 --> 00:34:32,543
You are not judge, jury or executioner!
702
00:34:32,545 --> 00:34:35,547
Forget your rules! I
fight for what's right!
703
00:34:35,549 --> 00:34:37,148
And sometimes you gotta fight dirty!
704
00:34:37,150 --> 00:34:40,819
You've let me down for
the last time, Wade.
705
00:34:40,821 --> 00:34:42,152
Collar him, too.
706
00:34:42,154 --> 00:34:44,022
And get these guys in the pod.
707
00:34:44,024 --> 00:34:45,357
Take them to the Ice Box.
708
00:35:06,913 --> 00:35:09,350
I wonder what gang I'll be in.
709
00:35:10,917 --> 00:35:13,253
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? Hi.
710
00:35:14,788 --> 00:35:15,853
I've always seen myself
711
00:35:15,855 --> 00:35:17,889
as more of an East Coast Hufflepuff.
712
00:35:17,891 --> 00:35:19,157
Go!
713
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:22,159
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.
714
00:35:22,161 --> 00:35:26,634
This is not what the
website looked like at all.
715
00:35:27,900 --> 00:35:31,670
I love the decor though. I had
no idea hopeless was a color.
716
00:35:31,672 --> 00:35:33,074
Hard left, douchebag.
717
00:35:37,444 --> 00:35:38,779
Please, after you.
718
00:35:40,748 --> 00:35:43,382
Another disgusting
minority off the streets.
719
00:35:43,384 --> 00:35:44,516
We'll sleep well tonight.
720
00:35:44,518 --> 00:35:45,583
Let's get a bagel.
721
00:35:49,022 --> 00:35:51,790
Nighty-night, you annoying prick!
722
00:36:22,989 --> 00:36:26,391
I'mma tell you what the big lie is.
723
00:36:26,393 --> 00:36:27,926
Toilet paper.
724
00:36:27,928 --> 00:36:31,328
Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer.
725
00:36:31,330 --> 00:36:33,565
But, then...
726
00:36:33,567 --> 00:36:35,900
Huggies Natural Care wet wipes.
727
00:36:35,902 --> 00:36:37,302
That's your main course.
728
00:36:37,304 --> 00:36:41,139
They're soft, they're
moist. They're for babies.
729
00:36:41,141 --> 00:36:44,243
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,
730
00:36:44,245 --> 00:36:46,043
maybe clear out that excess moisture.
731
00:36:46,045 --> 00:36:47,746
Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go,
732
00:36:47,748 --> 00:36:49,014
if you can get you a hair dryer.
733
00:36:49,016 --> 00:36:51,686
Just about 30 seconds will do you good.
734
00:36:55,255 --> 00:36:56,424
What the heck?
735
00:36:57,457 --> 00:36:58,692
Year?
736
00:36:59,493 --> 00:37:00,695
What?
737
00:37:01,661 --> 00:37:03,295
What year is it?
738
00:37:03,297 --> 00:37:05,699
What kind of dummy
question is that to ask?
739
00:37:24,717 --> 00:37:27,284
You're a long way from your superpowers.
740
00:37:27,286 --> 00:37:28,288
Yeah.
741
00:37:32,759 --> 00:37:35,027
I wanted to be a superhero.
742
00:37:35,029 --> 00:37:37,295
Always wanted a real super suit.
743
00:37:37,297 --> 00:37:38,964
What happened?
744
00:37:38,966 --> 00:37:41,086
When was the last time you
saw a plus-sized superhero?
745
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,067
Never.
746
00:37:43,069 --> 00:37:45,670
The industry discriminates.
747
00:37:45,672 --> 00:37:47,471
Forget superheroes.
748
00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:50,042
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
749
00:37:50,044 --> 00:37:52,277
burn the headmaster alive...
750
00:37:52,279 --> 00:37:55,013
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
751
00:37:55,015 --> 00:37:57,315
Who says prison isn't reformative?
752
00:37:57,317 --> 00:37:58,616
What did he do to you?
753
00:37:58,618 --> 00:38:00,652
He thinks we're evil.
754
00:38:00,654 --> 00:38:02,020
Blessed are the wicked
755
00:38:02,022 --> 00:38:04,522
who are healed by my hand.
756
00:38:04,524 --> 00:38:05,925
Your abilities...
757
00:38:07,426 --> 00:38:09,395
I know how seductive they are.
758
00:38:18,105 --> 00:38:21,909
Tomorrow, we'll find the
biggest guy in here...
759
00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:24,141
and we'll make him our...
760
00:38:27,281 --> 00:38:28,947
What was that?
761
00:38:28,949 --> 00:38:31,815
That is the biggest guy in here.
762
00:38:31,817 --> 00:38:33,918
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
763
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,821
though no one's ever seen it,
764
00:38:35,823 --> 00:38:38,022
they keep a monster in the basement.
765
00:38:38,024 --> 00:38:39,857
Right next to a huge,
766
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:41,495
steaming bowl of foreshadowing.
767
00:38:42,194 --> 00:38:43,196
Look.
768
00:38:43,996 --> 00:38:46,431
I can't protect you.
769
00:38:46,433 --> 00:38:47,598
With this collar on,
770
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,735
my superpower is just unbridled cancer.
771
00:38:50,737 --> 00:38:54,138
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
772
00:38:54,140 --> 00:38:56,241
Now, if you'll excuse me...
773
00:38:56,243 --> 00:38:59,710
I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits.
774
00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:02,045
I'll start by making us a shank.
775
00:39:02,047 --> 00:39:04,014
- Good listening.
- I stole that guard's pen...
776
00:39:04,016 --> 00:39:06,016
and stashed it in the old prison wallet,
777
00:39:06,018 --> 00:39:07,985
if you know what I'm saying.
778
00:39:07,987 --> 00:39:10,522
Prison wallet?
779
00:39:10,524 --> 00:39:13,493
I really hope I don't
know what you're saying.
780
00:39:18,732 --> 00:39:20,063
And to update you
781
00:39:20,065 --> 00:39:21,565
on the story reported earlier...
782
00:39:21,567 --> 00:39:23,000
after a lengthy standoff
783
00:39:23,002 --> 00:39:25,804
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
784
00:39:25,806 --> 00:39:27,105
two mutants were arrested
785
00:39:27,107 --> 00:39:29,040
and transported to the Ice Box...
786
00:39:29,042 --> 00:39:30,522
Entering repair mode.
787
00:39:56,270 --> 00:39:57,271
Psst!
788
00:39:59,839 --> 00:40:02,273
Don't do that.
789
00:40:02,275 --> 00:40:04,944
What? Why are you winking at me?
790
00:40:07,513 --> 00:40:08,880
I got your back.
791
00:40:08,882 --> 00:40:10,047
Oh, my God.
792
00:40:10,049 --> 00:40:11,449
You're sick, I gotta protect you.
793
00:40:11,451 --> 00:40:13,554
Just leave me alone, kid.
794
00:40:14,687 --> 00:40:15,922
Oh, great.
795
00:40:17,491 --> 00:40:19,956
Well, hello there, new fish.
796
00:40:19,958 --> 00:40:23,027
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
797
00:40:23,029 --> 00:40:25,263
I've done some light catalog work...
798
00:40:25,265 --> 00:40:27,998
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
799
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:30,802
- I was talking to him.
- Oh.
800
00:40:30,804 --> 00:40:34,105
Have we met? I can't
place your mustache.
801
00:40:34,107 --> 00:40:36,674
- Black Tom Cassidy.
- White Wade Wilson.
802
00:40:36,676 --> 00:40:40,212
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
803
00:40:40,214 --> 00:40:42,947
You're supposed to be
the toughest con in here.
804
00:40:42,949 --> 00:40:45,549
You don't look like much to me.
805
00:40:45,551 --> 00:40:46,918
First rule of the yard...
806
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:49,020
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
807
00:40:52,926 --> 00:40:55,025
Second biggest guy.
808
00:40:55,027 --> 00:40:57,462
The last thing I need is more hepatitis.
809
00:40:57,464 --> 00:41:01,031
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
810
00:41:01,033 --> 00:41:03,034
Can we get a wipe down on the table?
811
00:41:04,203 --> 00:41:06,203
Kid, I think you picked the wrong side.
812
00:41:06,205 --> 00:41:08,639
No, I didn't! He's my friend!
813
00:41:08,641 --> 00:41:11,542
Zip it. We're not friends.
814
00:41:11,544 --> 00:41:13,844
Take a seat, shit dick.
815
00:41:24,958 --> 00:41:26,857
I had so much fun! You were like...
816
00:41:26,859 --> 00:41:28,793
And I was like, "Take
a seat, shit dick."
817
00:41:28,795 --> 00:41:30,728
Just let me die in peace.
818
00:41:30,730 --> 00:41:32,931
We make a great team!
819
00:41:32,933 --> 00:41:35,333
Oh, God! We're not a team.
820
00:41:35,335 --> 00:41:39,737
Why'd you say that back
there? We're friends, partners.
821
00:41:39,739 --> 00:41:41,976
We're not partners or friends.
822
00:41:43,509 --> 00:41:45,909
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
823
00:41:45,911 --> 00:41:48,011
It ends with me dying of cancer...
824
00:41:48,013 --> 00:41:49,748
and you winning the Ice Box award
825
00:41:49,750 --> 00:41:51,949
for most pinchable cheeks.
826
00:41:53,252 --> 00:41:55,018
There's only one person in this world
827
00:41:55,020 --> 00:41:56,990
that I care about, and she's gone.
828
00:41:58,625 --> 00:42:01,592
You wanna survive?
829
00:42:01,594 --> 00:42:04,962
Stop trying to shank the
biggest guys in here...
830
00:42:04,964 --> 00:42:07,200
and make friends with them.
831
00:42:08,234 --> 00:42:10,103
Make friends with someone.
832
00:42:11,105 --> 00:42:13,737
Anyone but me.
833
00:42:13,739 --> 00:42:16,107
Maybe even Black Tim.
834
00:42:16,109 --> 00:42:17,609
Black Evan, I don't know.
835
00:42:17,611 --> 00:42:20,413
All I remember is he
was African-American.
836
00:42:51,511 --> 00:42:55,382
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
837
00:43:08,495 --> 00:43:12,297
System malfunctioning. 7, 4, 3.
838
00:43:12,299 --> 00:43:14,168
System malfunctioning.
839
00:43:20,873 --> 00:43:22,576
That was our cell.
840
00:43:23,210 --> 00:43:24,342
What did I do to piss off
841
00:43:24,344 --> 00:43:27,181
a grumpy old guy with
a Winter Soldier arm?
842
00:43:34,321 --> 00:43:36,123
Get away from me, kid!
843
00:43:37,924 --> 00:43:39,259
Listen to me! Go!
844
00:43:43,163 --> 00:43:44,398
Hello, Russell.
845
00:44:45,024 --> 00:44:46,559
Hello, superpowers.
846
00:44:59,105 --> 00:45:00,440
Who are you?
847
00:45:00,940 --> 00:45:02,409
I'm Batman.
848
00:45:13,687 --> 00:45:14,688
Ooh!
849
00:45:19,257 --> 00:45:21,828
Oh. That's got some zip.
850
00:45:29,002 --> 00:45:32,536
Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me.
851
00:45:32,538 --> 00:45:33,471
Talk!
852
00:45:33,473 --> 00:45:35,339
What kind of spineless shit stick
853
00:45:35,341 --> 00:45:37,210
tries to kill a
14-year-old boy?
854
00:45:38,011 --> 00:45:39,342
You might wanna start talking!
855
00:45:39,344 --> 00:45:42,248
'Cause I got a long history
of firing at times like this!
856
00:45:42,748 --> 00:45:44,581
The name's Cable.
857
00:45:44,583 --> 00:45:47,853
I'm from the future. Just walk away.
858
00:45:48,087 --> 00:45:49,319
Oh!
859
00:45:49,321 --> 00:45:51,288
So, you're from the future.
860
00:45:51,290 --> 00:45:53,391
I have a question then.
861
00:45:53,393 --> 00:45:55,228
Is dubstep still a thing?
862
00:46:20,053 --> 00:46:22,087
Dubstep's for pussies.
863
00:46:22,089 --> 00:46:23,286
You're so dark!
864
00:46:23,288 --> 00:46:26,223
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
865
00:46:26,225 --> 00:46:27,491
I love dubstep!
866
00:46:52,352 --> 00:46:53,750
Is that a fanny pack?
867
00:46:53,752 --> 00:46:56,455
I used to have one of
those in 1990-never.
868
00:46:57,190 --> 00:46:59,056
Something to remember you by.
869
00:46:59,058 --> 00:47:02,826
Give me that back! That
goes with me everywhere.
870
00:47:02,828 --> 00:47:04,664
Like the memory of your fanny pack!
871
00:47:14,207 --> 00:47:15,973
Why are you protecting the kid?
872
00:47:15,975 --> 00:47:18,676
He's just some kid with an
Are You My Mother? complex.
873
00:47:18,678 --> 00:47:20,880
I don't give a damn about him.
874
00:47:25,518 --> 00:47:26,853
What's this one do?
875
00:47:37,797 --> 00:47:39,529
In every film, there's a moment
876
00:47:39,531 --> 00:47:41,898
when the hero hits rock bottom.
877
00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:44,101
In Cool Runnings, it
was when John Candy's
878
00:47:44,103 --> 00:47:45,835
prized bobsled broke.
879
00:47:45,837 --> 00:47:48,672
In Human Centipede, it
was when those people...
880
00:47:48,674 --> 00:47:51,107
signed on to be in that movie.
881
00:47:51,109 --> 00:47:52,678
But in this film, well...
882
00:47:53,379 --> 00:47:54,848
you're looking at it.
883
00:47:57,049 --> 00:47:58,352
Rock...
884
00:47:59,352 --> 00:48:00,853
meet bottom.
885
00:48:10,230 --> 00:48:12,065
I love you, Wade Wilson.
886
00:48:12,832 --> 00:48:13,833
Ness?
887
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,569
Hey, Ness!
888
00:48:17,270 --> 00:48:19,036
Ness, can you let me in?
889
00:48:19,038 --> 00:48:21,375
Please! Please.
890
00:48:23,241 --> 00:48:24,308
Jeez.
891
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:29,112
You're not giving me a
lot of direction here.
892
00:48:29,114 --> 00:48:31,014
I'm at the end of my rope.
893
00:48:33,353 --> 00:48:36,119
Then I joined the X-Men.
894
00:48:36,121 --> 00:48:37,757
I went to prison. I, uh...
895
00:48:41,761 --> 00:48:43,429
Is it the kid?
896
00:48:45,065 --> 00:48:48,435
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
897
00:48:49,435 --> 00:48:50,636
The kid!
898
00:49:04,250 --> 00:49:05,782
That's exactly what she meant.
899
00:49:05,784 --> 00:49:07,317
Your heart needs to
be in the right place.
900
00:49:07,319 --> 00:49:09,186
I'm not gonna abandon this kid.
901
00:49:09,188 --> 00:49:11,989
He's never had anyone, ever.
902
00:49:11,991 --> 00:49:13,290
I need to be selfless.
903
00:49:13,292 --> 00:49:15,293
Yeah, but what does that mean?
904
00:49:15,295 --> 00:49:18,529
It means I'm gonna save Russell.
905
00:49:18,531 --> 00:49:19,996
Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa...
906
00:49:19,998 --> 00:49:23,101
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
907
00:49:23,103 --> 00:49:25,302
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
908
00:49:25,304 --> 00:49:26,971
I literally don't know what that means.
909
00:49:26,973 --> 00:49:27,938
Jesus Christ.
910
00:49:27,940 --> 00:49:30,775
Okay, look. According to my guy, okay...
911
00:49:30,777 --> 00:49:32,844
those muties are being transferred
912
00:49:32,846 --> 00:49:34,545
to a supermax, 80 miles away.
913
00:49:34,547 --> 00:49:36,447
Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way.
914
00:49:36,449 --> 00:49:38,616
Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay?
915
00:49:38,618 --> 00:49:40,618
We're talking about an armored convoy...
916
00:49:40,620 --> 00:49:43,253
and a vicious super
soldier from the future...
917
00:49:43,255 --> 00:49:45,723
who is dead set on turning
your skull into an ashtray.
918
00:49:45,725 --> 00:49:48,859
You know what we need to
do? We need to build a team.
919
00:49:48,861 --> 00:49:50,828
We need 'em tough, morally flexible...
920
00:49:50,830 --> 00:49:53,297
and young enough to carry
this franchise 10 to 12 years.
921
00:49:53,299 --> 00:49:54,897
We need Ocean's Fourteen stuff.
922
00:49:54,899 --> 00:49:57,201
- The mother of all teams.
- John Wick 3.
923
00:49:57,203 --> 00:49:58,268
- Cheap.
- But with
924
00:49:58,270 --> 00:49:59,369
- the original directors.
- Smart.
925
00:49:59,371 --> 00:50:00,471
My body is an instrument of death.
926
00:50:00,473 --> 00:50:01,639
Not now, Dopinder.
927
00:50:01,641 --> 00:50:03,607
I could be of great use.
928
00:50:03,609 --> 00:50:05,478
What's your superpower?
929
00:50:07,145 --> 00:50:08,545
- Courage.
- That's adorable.
930
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,514
All right, I'll put
out a call for resumes.
931
00:50:10,516 --> 00:50:12,750
But we're not paying medical or dental.
932
00:50:12,752 --> 00:50:14,987
It's time to get back on Linkedln.
933
00:50:39,978 --> 00:50:41,612
Attention, all inmates!
934
00:50:41,614 --> 00:50:44,514
Transport to Cross
Force Maximum Security
935
00:50:44,516 --> 00:50:45,782
Mutant Containment Facility...
936
00:50:45,784 --> 00:50:47,750
will begin at 0800 hours.
937
00:50:47,752 --> 00:50:50,420
Inspection of your
cells and out-processing
938
00:50:50,422 --> 00:50:51,891
will begin at 0600.
939
00:50:54,993 --> 00:50:56,828
Attention, all inmates.
940
00:50:56,830 --> 00:50:59,196
Transport to Cross
Force Maximum Security
941
00:50:59,198 --> 00:51:00,264
Mutant Containment Facility...
942
00:51:00,266 --> 00:51:01,331
Oi.
943
00:51:01,333 --> 00:51:02,732
What do you want?
944
00:51:02,734 --> 00:51:04,534
You stole my pudding.
945
00:51:04,536 --> 00:51:06,436
- What pudding?
- You like pudding?
946
00:51:24,489 --> 00:51:25,692
Hello?
947
00:51:27,725 --> 00:51:29,328
I know you're in there.
948
00:51:40,172 --> 00:51:42,809
Must be hard being the
biggest guy in here.
949
00:51:44,109 --> 00:51:46,243
Lonely at the top, eh?
950
00:51:46,245 --> 00:51:48,280
They're moving us tomorrow.
951
00:51:50,583 --> 00:51:52,686
Maybe I can get you out of here.
952
00:51:53,652 --> 00:51:57,057
And we can make the
whole world our bitch.
953
00:51:58,658 --> 00:52:00,659
We need a secret code.
954
00:52:03,495 --> 00:52:06,198
No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
955
00:52:13,406 --> 00:52:14,871
We're a team.
956
00:52:14,873 --> 00:52:16,873
We're like thugs, we're like gangsters.
957
00:52:16,875 --> 00:52:19,379
I'm like Tupac, and
you're like Ice Cube.
958
00:52:20,679 --> 00:52:23,114
Supposedly, she can rap, too.
959
00:52:23,116 --> 00:52:23,980
I like that.
960
00:52:23,982 --> 00:52:25,549
Terrific, these are all terrific.
961
00:52:25,551 --> 00:52:27,384
Meet Bedlam.
962
00:52:27,386 --> 00:52:29,654
Cool name! Superpowers?
963
00:52:29,656 --> 00:52:31,321
I can distort electrical fields.
964
00:52:32,225 --> 00:52:34,625
Including the one inside your brain...
965
00:52:34,627 --> 00:52:37,427
causing anxiety, confusion...
966
00:52:37,429 --> 00:52:38,632
pain.
967
00:52:39,565 --> 00:52:41,598
So, basically, you're Dave Matthews.
968
00:52:41,600 --> 00:52:43,002
We can use him.
969
00:52:44,636 --> 00:52:46,270
I'm Zeitgeist.
970
00:52:46,272 --> 00:52:47,538
Cool. I like it.
971
00:52:47,540 --> 00:52:48,806
So you have the power
972
00:52:48,808 --> 00:52:51,378
to put your finger on
the pulse of society?
973
00:52:52,312 --> 00:52:53,610
No.
974
00:52:53,612 --> 00:52:55,478
No, I spit acidic vomit.
975
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:56,581
- Oh.
- Do you want me
976
00:52:56,583 --> 00:52:57,647
to demonstrate? No!
977
00:52:57,649 --> 00:52:59,016
We'll take your word for it.
978
00:52:59,018 --> 00:53:01,384
Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've
all eaten at Arby's, okay?
979
00:53:01,386 --> 00:53:04,123
And this is the Vanisher.
980
00:53:07,493 --> 00:53:08,695
But...
981
00:53:09,629 --> 00:53:11,261
Vanisher!
982
00:53:13,500 --> 00:53:15,835
- Nice!
- Right?
983
00:53:16,402 --> 00:53:17,668
He's not here, is he?
984
00:53:17,670 --> 00:53:19,406
He may be running late.
985
00:53:20,739 --> 00:53:23,641
My name's Rusty, but
I go by Shatterstar.
986
00:53:23,643 --> 00:53:24,842
That's good, yeah.
987
00:53:24,844 --> 00:53:27,011
- "Rusty" is terrible.
- Toughie.
988
00:53:27,013 --> 00:53:29,913
- So, uh, where are you from?
- The planet Mojo World.
989
00:53:29,915 --> 00:53:31,982
- So you're an alien, I guess.
- Bad name.
990
00:53:31,984 --> 00:53:33,750
How does that, uh, help us?
991
00:53:33,752 --> 00:53:36,719
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
992
00:53:36,721 --> 00:53:38,522
Just once, I'm gonna
find a planet of people
993
00:53:38,524 --> 00:53:40,023
that are worse than me at everything.
994
00:53:40,025 --> 00:53:42,226
A whole bunch of functional idiots.
995
00:53:42,228 --> 00:53:44,460
I'm gonna go there, and
I'm gonna be their Superman.
996
00:53:44,462 --> 00:53:45,529
Isn't that Canada?
997
00:53:45,531 --> 00:53:48,067
You shut your goddamn trash mouth!
998
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:50,301
Meet...
- Domino.
999
00:53:50,303 --> 00:53:52,703
What's your shtick?
- I'm lucky.
1000
00:53:52,705 --> 00:53:53,971
That's not a superpower.
1001
00:53:53,973 --> 00:53:55,038
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1002
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:56,440
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1003
00:53:56,442 --> 00:53:57,641
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1004
00:53:57,643 --> 00:53:58,708
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1005
00:53:58,710 --> 00:53:59,777
- Yeah, it is.
- It really isn't.
1006
00:53:59,779 --> 00:54:01,143
- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.
1007
00:54:01,145 --> 00:54:02,212
Told you.
1008
00:54:02,214 --> 00:54:03,681
Get out of my head!
1009
00:54:03,683 --> 00:54:04,880
I'm not in your head.
1010
00:54:04,882 --> 00:54:06,417
It looks like I'm in an
11-year-old's bedroom.
1011
00:54:06,419 --> 00:54:08,752
If you're so lucky, then what
are you doing here with us?
1012
00:54:08,754 --> 00:54:10,353
- I don't know yet.
- What's that supposed to mean?
1013
00:54:10,355 --> 00:54:12,422
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.
1014
00:54:12,424 --> 00:54:14,558
Everything usually just
kind of works out for me.
1015
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:15,726
- You're hired!
- You're hired.
1016
00:54:15,728 --> 00:54:17,328
Oh, lucky me.
1017
00:54:17,330 --> 00:54:18,331
She's great.
1018
00:54:19,632 --> 00:54:21,197
And last, but not least...
1019
00:54:21,199 --> 00:54:22,301
Peter.
1020
00:54:23,536 --> 00:54:26,002
Am I getting catfished here or...?
1021
00:54:26,004 --> 00:54:28,239
Any powers you wanna tell us about?
1022
00:54:28,241 --> 00:54:29,672
No.
1023
00:54:29,674 --> 00:54:31,475
I don't have one.
1024
00:54:31,477 --> 00:54:32,710
Um, I just saw the ad.
1025
00:54:32,712 --> 00:54:34,712
No superpowers at all?
1026
00:54:34,714 --> 00:54:37,917
I have both type 1 and 2 diabetes.
1027
00:54:38,283 --> 00:54:39,616
Ow! Oh!
1028
00:54:39,618 --> 00:54:40,918
That's all the diabetes.
1029
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:42,085
Right, yeah, you got 'em all.
1030
00:54:42,087 --> 00:54:44,688
If you find a type 3, let us know.
1031
00:54:44,690 --> 00:54:45,755
Yeah.
1032
00:54:45,757 --> 00:54:47,056
You're in.
1033
00:54:47,058 --> 00:54:48,160
Come on!
1034
00:54:50,730 --> 00:54:52,932
It's fulfilling work.
1035
00:55:03,076 --> 00:55:05,475
This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box.
1036
00:55:05,477 --> 00:55:06,779
We are en route.
1037
00:55:14,654 --> 00:55:17,190
Peacetime makes people soft.
1038
00:55:18,656 --> 00:55:20,559
I was born into war.
1039
00:55:22,127 --> 00:55:23,428
Bred into it.
1040
00:55:24,330 --> 00:55:26,029
Okay.
1041
00:55:26,031 --> 00:55:28,934
What's the most pain you've ever felt?
1042
00:55:30,236 --> 00:55:31,502
These restraints are pretty...
1043
00:55:31,504 --> 00:55:32,806
I've got a list.
1044
00:55:33,839 --> 00:55:36,008
We're gonna work down it.
1045
00:55:36,708 --> 00:55:37,977
Together.
1046
00:55:38,844 --> 00:55:41,844
Number one, I'm gonna bend something.
1047
00:55:41,846 --> 00:55:44,214
Something that was not meant to bend.
1048
00:55:44,216 --> 00:55:45,315
I'm gonna stop you right there
1049
00:55:45,317 --> 00:55:46,683
because I'm not gonna make it to two.
1050
00:55:46,685 --> 00:55:48,018
I won't even make it to one.
1051
00:55:48,020 --> 00:55:49,453
I don't do well with pain, you know.
1052
00:55:49,455 --> 00:55:52,223
If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day.
1053
00:55:52,225 --> 00:55:54,259
I cried when they canceled Felicity.
1054
00:55:55,493 --> 00:55:56,393
I don't want you to hurt me,
1055
00:55:56,395 --> 00:55:58,997
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1056
00:55:59,964 --> 00:56:01,864
Except for where they are.
1057
00:56:01,866 --> 00:56:03,100
Russell's in a convoy heading southbound
1058
00:56:03,102 --> 00:56:05,034
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1059
00:56:05,036 --> 00:56:06,703
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't mess with him.
1060
00:56:06,705 --> 00:56:07,770
You all know the plan.
1061
00:56:07,772 --> 00:56:10,406
Intercept the convoy, grab the boy.
1062
00:56:10,408 --> 00:56:11,507
But not inappropriately!
1063
00:56:11,509 --> 00:56:12,476
You know what,
1064
00:56:12,478 --> 00:56:13,944
I wouldn't mess with Deadpool either.
1065
00:56:13,946 --> 00:56:16,313
Because he's built a
team. He's unstoppable.
1066
00:56:16,315 --> 00:56:19,014
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1067
00:56:19,016 --> 00:56:21,552
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
1068
00:56:21,554 --> 00:56:24,788
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1069
00:56:24,790 --> 00:56:27,491
And if we succeed, we all go home early.
1070
00:56:27,493 --> 00:56:30,129
So if you go after them,
Cable, I warn you...
1071
00:56:30,996 --> 00:56:32,966
there's a wind advisory in effect.
1072
00:56:43,875 --> 00:56:45,544
A little turbulent up here.
1073
00:56:52,884 --> 00:56:54,817
I don't know much about
this Cable fella...
1074
00:56:54,819 --> 00:56:56,085
but I guarantee he hasn't killed
1075
00:56:56,087 --> 00:56:58,190
as many people as melanoma has.
1076
00:56:59,391 --> 00:57:00,757
We're getting close!
1077
00:57:00,759 --> 00:57:02,326
As a former X-Man...
1078
00:57:02,328 --> 00:57:04,360
- Trainee.
- Thank you, Bedlam.
1079
00:57:04,362 --> 00:57:07,397
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1080
00:57:07,399 --> 00:57:08,531
in the group's name.
1081
00:57:08,533 --> 00:57:10,400
X
- Men! Men!
1082
00:57:10,402 --> 00:57:13,636
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1083
00:57:13,638 --> 00:57:15,005
Gender neutral.
1084
00:57:15,007 --> 00:57:18,044
From now on, we'll be known as...
1085
00:57:19,578 --> 00:57:21,080
X
- Force.
1086
00:57:27,319 --> 00:57:29,886
Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet...
1087
00:57:29,888 --> 00:57:31,788
intercept the convoy, and grab the boy.
1088
00:57:31,790 --> 00:57:32,956
Let's bring on the carnage, baby!
1089
00:57:32,958 --> 00:57:34,757
Get me on the ground, watch me go!
1090
00:57:34,759 --> 00:57:35,893
Yeah!
1091
00:57:35,895 --> 00:57:37,761
I can't wait to kill!
1092
00:57:37,763 --> 00:57:40,397
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1093
00:57:40,399 --> 00:57:43,167
I just wanna say how
proud I am of this team.
1094
00:57:43,169 --> 00:57:46,103
You know, you guys look amazing!
1095
00:57:46,105 --> 00:57:49,038
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1096
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:50,141
This is the family
1097
00:57:50,143 --> 00:57:52,610
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
1098
00:57:52,612 --> 00:57:54,411
Ah, darn. I just...
1099
00:57:55,346 --> 00:57:57,047
I just get a little choked up sometimes.
1100
00:57:57,049 --> 00:57:58,949
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1101
00:57:58,951 --> 00:58:00,317
about the high winds?
1102
00:58:00,319 --> 00:58:01,685
- Gary.
- My name's Peter.
1103
00:58:01,687 --> 00:58:03,788
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.
1104
00:58:03,790 --> 00:58:05,355
You've been chosen by a higher power.
1105
00:58:05,357 --> 00:58:07,657
- Did he just call himself God?
- I think he did.
1106
00:58:07,659 --> 00:58:08,726
I'd like to go home.
1107
00:58:08,728 --> 00:58:10,460
I spent 10 years in Special Forces.
1108
00:58:10,462 --> 00:58:11,795
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1109
00:58:11,797 --> 00:58:13,830
because of a light breeze?
1110
00:58:13,832 --> 00:58:16,165
You're in this shit now, Mustache!
1111
00:58:16,167 --> 00:58:18,168
I'm only yelling to
impress the other guys.
1112
00:58:18,170 --> 00:58:20,703
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1113
00:58:20,705 --> 00:58:22,906
Leonard, hit it!
1114
00:58:31,516 --> 00:58:33,616
Go! Go! Go!
1115
00:59:09,121 --> 00:59:10,686
Let's get some!
1116
00:59:10,688 --> 00:59:11,855
Whoo!
1117
00:59:11,857 --> 00:59:13,089
Oh, yeah!
1118
00:59:13,091 --> 00:59:16,161
Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command!
1119
00:59:16,929 --> 00:59:18,531
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1120
00:59:18,797 --> 00:59:20,132
Whoa!
1121
00:59:25,804 --> 00:59:27,440
Little off course here.
1122
00:59:29,708 --> 00:59:32,311
Holy mommy, what the...?
1123
00:59:33,478 --> 00:59:35,244
Ah, there they are.
1124
00:59:35,246 --> 00:59:38,382
Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches.
1125
00:59:38,384 --> 00:59:40,553
Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam!
1126
00:59:45,290 --> 00:59:48,160
No! Tripping billies!
1127
00:59:48,627 --> 00:59:49,629
Shatterstar.
1128
00:59:50,196 --> 00:59:51,797
Okay, you got this.
1129
00:59:53,931 --> 00:59:56,366
Left!
1130
00:59:56,368 --> 00:59:58,802
No, stage left, you idiot!
1131
01:00:00,473 --> 01:00:02,139
Well, I guess we found something
1132
01:00:02,141 --> 01:00:03,409
you're not better at.
1133
01:00:05,444 --> 01:00:06,543
Vanisher.
1134
01:00:06,545 --> 01:00:08,548
Maybe the wind can't
blow what it can't see.
1135
01:00:10,949 --> 01:00:12,047
Oh! Really?
1136
01:00:12,049 --> 01:00:13,518
Wait, wait, wait. Was that...
1137
01:00:14,020 --> 01:00:15,085
Benjamin Button.
1138
01:00:15,087 --> 01:00:16,853
Brad Pitt?
1139
01:00:16,855 --> 01:00:18,822
How'd you get Brad Pitt?
1140
01:00:18,824 --> 01:00:19,922
You're here, aren't you?
1141
01:00:19,924 --> 01:00:21,958
Yeah, but I didn't agree to...
1142
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:23,893
Oh.
1143
01:00:23,895 --> 01:00:25,094
See, Brad...
1144
01:00:25,096 --> 01:00:26,964
he's still locked in my storm cellar
1145
01:00:26,966 --> 01:00:29,331
along with Celine Dion and Matt Damon.
1146
01:00:29,333 --> 01:00:31,601
It's like Shawshank down there.
1147
01:00:32,837 --> 01:00:34,571
Matt Damon's in this shit?
1148
01:00:34,573 --> 01:00:35,739
Yeah.
1149
01:00:35,741 --> 01:00:38,074
I suggest you go down
there first thing...
1150
01:00:38,076 --> 01:00:39,610
and just punch him as hard as you can.
1151
01:00:39,612 --> 01:00:42,411
You wanna establish dominance
or that guy will own you.
1152
01:00:42,413 --> 01:00:45,281
And quit burning our "S" words.
1153
01:00:45,283 --> 01:00:46,885
I've always wanted to fight Matt Damon.
1154
01:00:49,187 --> 01:00:50,253
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1155
01:00:50,255 --> 01:00:51,420
What did I say?
1156
01:00:51,422 --> 01:00:53,589
I thought you said... Matt Damon.
1157
01:00:53,591 --> 01:00:55,025
I did. I wanna... Matt Damon.
1158
01:00:55,027 --> 01:00:56,092
You wanna what?
1159
01:00:56,094 --> 01:00:57,159
I wanna... him,
1160
01:00:57,161 --> 01:00:58,362
and then I want him to... me.
1161
01:00:58,364 --> 01:00:59,496
And then, if I'm doing a good job...
1162
01:00:59,498 --> 01:01:00,764
I want all my friends and family
1163
01:01:00,766 --> 01:01:01,897
to come watch me...
1164
01:01:01,899 --> 01:01:03,100
Tell me more about that.
1165
01:01:03,102 --> 01:01:04,668
Well, I feel like, if we... each other,
1166
01:01:04,670 --> 01:01:06,902
you know, in private,
kinda work on our moves.
1167
01:01:06,904 --> 01:01:09,005
Then we kinda sell some tickets...
1168
01:01:09,007 --> 01:01:10,272
and we get an arena, you know?
1169
01:01:10,274 --> 01:01:11,674
And then we... each other in the arena.
1170
01:01:11,676 --> 01:01:13,543
We get outfits. You
know, like cool outfits.
1171
01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:14,844
And we... each other...
1172
01:01:14,846 --> 01:01:16,545
and everyone's cheering and
betting on who's gonna...
1173
01:01:16,547 --> 01:01:18,047
each other the hardest.
1174
01:01:18,049 --> 01:01:19,415
And then, when it's all done,
1175
01:01:19,417 --> 01:01:21,085
there's gonna be a champion...
1176
01:01:21,087 --> 01:01:22,351
And it'll be like, I think I'll win...
1177
01:01:22,353 --> 01:01:23,719
'cause I'm like a really strong...
1178
01:01:23,721 --> 01:01:25,154
Right. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1179
01:01:25,156 --> 01:01:27,089
And they'll be like, "Wait,
no, lay off Matt Damon!
1180
01:01:27,091 --> 01:01:28,625
"You're... him too hard!"
1181
01:01:28,627 --> 01:01:29,625
And I'm gonna say,
1182
01:01:29,627 --> 01:01:31,527
"No! I got a little
more... left in me."
1183
01:01:31,529 --> 01:01:32,728
And then I'm gonna...
1184
01:01:32,730 --> 01:01:34,397
and I'm gonna... and I'm gonna...
1185
01:01:34,399 --> 01:01:35,565
Why are you buzzing that?
1186
01:01:35,567 --> 01:01:37,333
'Cause I feel like you're
making it sound like
1187
01:01:37,335 --> 01:01:38,701
I'm saying something I'm not saying.
1188
01:01:38,703 --> 01:01:39,569
What are you saying?
1189
01:01:39,571 --> 01:01:40,837
I'm saying I wanna fight Matt Damon.
1190
01:01:40,839 --> 01:01:41,904
Oh!
1191
01:01:41,906 --> 01:01:43,206
You should've said so!
1192
01:01:43,208 --> 01:01:45,174
I thought you were saying... Matt Damon.
1193
01:01:45,176 --> 01:01:46,241
- No!
- No!
1194
01:01:46,243 --> 01:01:47,844
- That's crazy!
- Crazy.
1195
01:01:47,846 --> 01:01:48,946
Why, did he ask about me?
1196
01:01:48,948 --> 01:01:50,013
No.
1197
01:01:50,015 --> 01:01:51,217
Okay.
1198
01:01:52,183 --> 01:01:54,284
All right, we could do this with four.
1199
01:01:54,286 --> 01:01:57,221
Sugarbear. You got this, buddy!
1200
01:01:57,223 --> 01:02:00,322
That's the stuff! That's
the X-Force spirit!
1201
01:02:00,324 --> 01:02:02,493
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1202
01:02:02,495 --> 01:02:04,060
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1203
01:02:04,062 --> 01:02:05,228
We did it!
1204
01:02:05,230 --> 01:02:07,029
You're a goddamn superhero, you!
1205
01:02:07,031 --> 01:02:08,266
X
- Force!
1206
01:02:08,732 --> 01:02:09,734
X
- Force.
1207
01:02:10,268 --> 01:02:11,801
Whoo-hoo!
1208
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:15,942
Oh!
1209
01:02:19,710 --> 01:02:20,677
Peter.
1210
01:02:20,679 --> 01:02:22,378
I got you, buddy! You're gonna be fine!
1211
01:02:22,380 --> 01:02:24,346
You got this, big
guy! Here we go, Peter!
1212
01:02:24,348 --> 01:02:26,616
Look at me. We're X-Force, right?
1213
01:02:26,618 --> 01:02:28,920
- Yeah, we're X-Force.
- We're X-Force.
1214
01:02:32,457 --> 01:02:34,290
Oh, my gosh! What the...?
1215
01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,326
Acidic vomit!
1216
01:02:36,328 --> 01:02:39,596
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask.
1217
01:02:41,333 --> 01:02:43,665
Okay, I'm over the convoy.
1218
01:02:43,667 --> 01:02:46,335
Where did the rest of the team land?
1219
01:02:46,337 --> 01:02:48,103
Good news and bad news.
1220
01:02:48,105 --> 01:02:51,306
Bad news is the whole team is dead.
1221
01:02:51,308 --> 01:02:52,542
The good news is,
1222
01:02:52,544 --> 01:02:54,478
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1223
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:57,880
He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul!
1224
01:02:57,882 --> 01:02:58,949
Peter!
1225
01:02:58,951 --> 01:03:00,217
Peter, I'm gonna miss him most.
1226
01:03:00,219 --> 01:03:01,351
The whole team?
1227
01:03:01,353 --> 01:03:03,152
Only the main ones. We're still good.
1228
01:03:03,154 --> 01:03:04,587
You are so dumb.
1229
01:03:04,589 --> 01:03:07,322
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.
1230
01:03:07,324 --> 01:03:09,360
Who knew these winds would be so strong?
1231
01:03:09,362 --> 01:03:11,795
Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter!
1232
01:03:11,797 --> 01:03:13,766
And everyone not on the helicopter!
1233
01:03:15,667 --> 01:03:17,402
Looking good, Vanisher.
1234
01:03:26,277 --> 01:03:28,478
They're headed into the tunnel.
1235
01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:30,080
I'm that kid's only hope,
1236
01:03:30,082 --> 01:03:32,181
so sit tight and wait for my word.
1237
01:03:32,183 --> 01:03:33,482
I'm dropping in.
1238
01:03:33,484 --> 01:03:35,451
Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor.
1239
01:03:35,453 --> 01:03:38,721
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so screwed!
1240
01:03:38,723 --> 01:03:41,824
No, we most certainly are not screwed.
1241
01:03:45,663 --> 01:03:48,098
Seriously, I don't get it!
1242
01:03:48,100 --> 01:03:51,036
What, you shoot luck
lasers out of your eyes?
1243
01:03:52,136 --> 01:03:53,837
It's just it's hard to picture.
1244
01:03:53,839 --> 01:03:56,042
And certainly not very cinematic.
1245
01:03:57,442 --> 01:04:00,610
I mean, luck? What kind
of caffeine-chugging...
1246
01:04:00,612 --> 01:04:03,279
diet-soda-swillin' freakshow
comic book artist...
1247
01:04:03,281 --> 01:04:04,781
came up with that little chestnut?
1248
01:04:04,783 --> 01:04:07,085
Probably a guy who can't draw feet!
1249
01:04:14,826 --> 01:04:17,860
Once again, it all
falls on my shoulders.
1250
01:04:17,862 --> 01:04:19,263
It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act.
1251
01:04:19,265 --> 01:04:20,397
- Wander the Earth...
- I'm in.
1252
01:04:20,399 --> 01:04:22,031
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1253
01:04:22,033 --> 01:04:22,965
I'm in.
1254
01:04:22,967 --> 01:04:25,701
How in the name of
Satan are you in already?
1255
01:04:25,703 --> 01:04:27,069
Oh, shit.
1256
01:04:27,071 --> 01:04:28,404
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1257
01:04:28,406 --> 01:04:29,505
Okay.
1258
01:04:29,507 --> 01:04:31,907
New plan. Use all of
your imaginary powers
1259
01:04:31,909 --> 01:04:34,944
to stop Cable from killing that kid.
1260
01:04:34,946 --> 01:04:36,649
I'm coming up on your six.
1261
01:04:44,156 --> 01:04:46,121
That gun is amazing!
1262
01:04:56,234 --> 01:04:57,967
Where is he? I can't see him.
1263
01:04:57,969 --> 01:04:59,571
He's on the top.
1264
01:05:03,741 --> 01:05:05,609
He's in! He's in!
1265
01:05:05,611 --> 01:05:07,844
Russell! Russell Collins!
1266
01:05:07,846 --> 01:05:10,082
Hands off that kid, John Connor!
1267
01:05:19,324 --> 01:05:20,625
Shit!
1268
01:05:42,380 --> 01:05:44,516
Two can play that game!
1269
01:05:46,384 --> 01:05:47,784
Got it!
1270
01:05:47,786 --> 01:05:49,018
No, I don't.
1271
01:05:49,020 --> 01:05:50,087
Showtime, mama!
1272
01:05:50,089 --> 01:05:51,791
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1273
01:06:13,578 --> 01:06:14,779
Eat me, mutant!
1274
01:06:15,312 --> 01:06:16,515
Ouchie!
1275
01:06:40,239 --> 01:06:41,240
Hang in there, Doms!
1276
01:06:42,507 --> 01:06:43,973
Oh, this is really hard.
1277
01:06:55,487 --> 01:06:57,022
And give me back my Skee-Ball token.
1278
01:07:00,458 --> 01:07:02,094
- You're doing
great. - X-Force.
1279
01:07:03,862 --> 01:07:06,128
I guess dubstep never dies.
1280
01:07:10,301 --> 01:07:11,504
Whoo!
1281
01:07:17,109 --> 01:07:19,745
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a...
1282
01:07:22,513 --> 01:07:23,748
That's unfortunate.
1283
01:07:26,652 --> 01:07:28,183
We got no brakes!
1284
01:07:28,185 --> 01:07:29,587
Figure it out!
1285
01:07:32,690 --> 01:07:34,526
There's nothing I can't kill.
1286
01:07:36,261 --> 01:07:37,627
Ooh.
1287
01:07:37,629 --> 01:07:41,065
Somebody knows karate.
1288
01:07:43,167 --> 01:07:45,003
Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.
1289
01:07:57,348 --> 01:07:59,315
Those bullets are like, super fast.
1290
01:07:59,317 --> 01:08:00,750
Here we go.
1291
01:08:00,752 --> 01:08:03,252
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1292
01:08:03,254 --> 01:08:05,087
Here goes nothing.
1293
01:08:30,782 --> 01:08:32,150
Knock, knock.
1294
01:08:37,922 --> 01:08:39,188
That's my boy.
1295
01:08:44,562 --> 01:08:46,129
Holy...
1296
01:08:56,440 --> 01:08:57,973
I'll be first to admit...
1297
01:08:57,975 --> 01:09:00,612
this did not go according to plan.
1298
01:09:01,712 --> 01:09:03,413
I'll also be the first to admit that
1299
01:09:03,415 --> 01:09:05,615
that plan was written in crayon.
1300
01:09:05,617 --> 01:09:08,485
Looks like Russell found a new friend.
1301
01:09:08,487 --> 01:09:10,087
Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass,
1302
01:09:10,089 --> 01:09:13,222
and maybe, possibly mildly lucky.
1303
01:09:13,224 --> 01:09:16,659
But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood.
1304
01:09:16,661 --> 01:09:17,727
A mood that is
1305
01:09:17,729 --> 01:09:19,764
about to get significantly worse.
1306
01:09:43,187 --> 01:09:45,791
Something is so
terribly, terribly wrong.
1307
01:09:48,659 --> 01:09:50,095
Oh.
1308
01:09:52,096 --> 01:09:53,698
Oh, man, that hurt.
1309
01:09:59,002 --> 01:10:00,072
Russell.
1310
01:10:02,639 --> 01:10:03,908
Russell!
1311
01:10:04,475 --> 01:10:06,679
Russ, where are ya?
1312
01:10:09,980 --> 01:10:12,382
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1313
01:10:12,384 --> 01:10:15,752
Oh, thank... Oh, my God!
1314
01:10:15,754 --> 01:10:17,186
Juggernaut!
1315
01:10:18,322 --> 01:10:20,389
I thought that was you!
1316
01:10:20,391 --> 01:10:22,959
I should've worn my white pants.
1317
01:10:22,961 --> 01:10:26,929
You probably get this a
lot, but I am a huge fan.
1318
01:10:26,931 --> 01:10:30,465
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.
1319
01:10:30,467 --> 01:10:31,734
X
- Men Unlimited 12.
1320
01:10:31,736 --> 01:10:33,902
You know, it has always
been a dream of mine...
1321
01:10:33,904 --> 01:10:35,838
to see my face reflected
in your helmet...
1322
01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:37,940
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1323
01:10:37,942 --> 01:10:39,842
I don't mean right now.
1324
01:10:39,844 --> 01:10:41,878
I'm gonna rip you in half now.
1325
01:10:41,880 --> 01:10:44,347
That is such a Juggernaut thing to say.
1326
01:10:47,685 --> 01:10:48,920
Oh, my God!
1327
01:11:01,032 --> 01:11:03,600
Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs.
1328
01:11:03,602 --> 01:11:04,803
I can't feel...
1329
01:11:05,703 --> 01:11:07,803
Oh, no, they're right here.
1330
01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:09,672
Got 'em. Russell.
1331
01:11:09,674 --> 01:11:11,342
I have a mission.
1332
01:11:11,909 --> 01:11:13,676
To get my revenge.
1333
01:11:13,678 --> 01:11:15,945
I'm going to burn that headmaster alive.
1334
01:11:15,947 --> 01:11:18,347
You're not the revenge type.
1335
01:11:18,349 --> 01:11:19,981
Take it from a friend.
1336
01:11:19,983 --> 01:11:23,352
Friend? You said it yourself.
1337
01:11:23,354 --> 01:11:26,155
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1338
01:11:26,157 --> 01:11:27,389
So I did.
1339
01:11:28,659 --> 01:11:30,860
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1340
01:11:30,862 --> 01:11:34,230
But I can now. What do
you want me to say, huh?
1341
01:11:34,232 --> 01:11:38,133
"I care about you"? 'Cause
I care about you, Russell.
1342
01:11:38,135 --> 01:11:40,203
What's Juggernaut got that I don't have?
1343
01:11:40,205 --> 01:11:43,205
Don't you say legs! I
know you're gonna say legs!
1344
01:11:43,207 --> 01:11:46,277
- Legs!
- Still hurts to hear out loud!
1345
01:11:48,279 --> 01:11:51,380
What is that? That's not a real rope!
1346
01:11:51,382 --> 01:11:53,885
You get back here, young man!
1347
01:11:54,685 --> 01:11:56,151
Doms!
1348
01:11:56,153 --> 01:11:58,288
Doms, get me out of here, please.
1349
01:11:58,290 --> 01:12:00,893
Use my arms as backpack straps.
1350
01:12:03,562 --> 01:12:04,694
I think we may have found
1351
01:12:04,696 --> 01:12:06,995
your cosmic reason for being here.
1352
01:12:06,997 --> 01:12:08,798
I'm pretty sure this isn't it.
1353
01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:10,235
X
- Force.
1354
01:12:23,348 --> 01:12:25,280
No child is hopeless.
1355
01:12:25,282 --> 01:12:28,918
- Don't give up on the boy.
- How could he just walk away?
1356
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:31,721
It was the coldness in his eyes.
1357
01:12:31,723 --> 01:12:33,391
You should've heard it.
1358
01:12:35,126 --> 01:12:37,563
I guess family really is an F-word.
1359
01:12:38,430 --> 01:12:40,696
Rub my legs, Mama.
1360
01:12:40,698 --> 01:12:42,063
Why would I rub your legs?
1361
01:12:42,065 --> 01:12:45,235
Please, they hurt. I have growing pains.
1362
01:12:48,306 --> 01:12:49,871
What in the...
1363
01:12:49,873 --> 01:12:52,674
Why is your hand so tiny again?
1364
01:12:52,676 --> 01:12:54,576
That's not my hand.
1365
01:12:54,578 --> 01:12:56,913
Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph!
1366
01:12:56,915 --> 01:12:58,882
That was nice for me.
1367
01:12:58,884 --> 01:13:01,749
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1368
01:13:06,090 --> 01:13:08,356
Why wouldn't you cover that up?
1369
01:13:08,358 --> 01:13:11,593
A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.
1370
01:13:11,595 --> 01:13:13,128
Yeah, but you do. Look at you.
1371
01:13:13,130 --> 01:13:14,463
You're just straight, just...
1372
01:13:14,465 --> 01:13:16,398
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1373
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:18,168
Toddler style?
1374
01:13:18,170 --> 01:13:19,134
Yes, sir.
1375
01:13:19,136 --> 01:13:20,870
Wait, hold on, hold on. Hold on.
1376
01:13:20,872 --> 01:13:25,508
If the top half of Deadpool
is growing baby legs...
1377
01:13:25,510 --> 01:13:28,944
does that mean the bottom
half is growing a baby head?
1378
01:13:28,946 --> 01:13:30,178
Well, I don't see why that matters.
1379
01:13:30,180 --> 01:13:31,481
I think it matters a lot.
1380
01:13:31,483 --> 01:13:33,583
I mean, if you want us to
buy the regeneration thing,
1381
01:13:33,585 --> 01:13:34,650
you gotta address it.
1382
01:13:34,652 --> 01:13:36,018
Are there two Deadpools now?
1383
01:13:36,020 --> 01:13:38,521
And if so, what's the other one doing?
1384
01:13:38,523 --> 01:13:39,387
And is he like you?
1385
01:13:39,389 --> 01:13:41,725
Does he have the same
personality as you?
1386
01:13:41,727 --> 01:13:42,825
Or the same memories?
1387
01:13:42,827 --> 01:13:43,959
And if he does,
1388
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:45,361
then is he going to
re-enter the plot later?
1389
01:13:45,363 --> 01:13:46,862
'Cause he should.
1390
01:13:46,864 --> 01:13:48,298
You're really freaking me out right now.
1391
01:13:48,300 --> 01:13:49,999
And if that one got cut in half,
1392
01:13:50,001 --> 01:13:51,167
then there would be three Deadpools?
1393
01:13:51,169 --> 01:13:53,069
I mean, you can see
where it all falls apart.
1394
01:13:53,071 --> 01:13:54,971
And quite frankly, why I prefer Marvel.
1395
01:13:54,973 --> 01:13:56,039
We are Marvel.
1396
01:13:56,041 --> 01:13:58,277
Hilarious. You're Fox.
1397
01:13:59,777 --> 01:14:00,942
Describe it.
1398
01:14:00,944 --> 01:14:02,210
I wouldn't ask him to
do that, if I were you.
1399
01:14:02,212 --> 01:14:03,847
It's like, um...
- Here we go.
1400
01:14:03,849 --> 01:14:05,214
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1401
01:14:05,216 --> 01:14:07,450
But this time, you can
see the Muppet's twig.
1402
01:14:07,452 --> 01:14:09,352
Mr. Weasel, I can no
longer be double-parked.
1403
01:14:09,354 --> 01:14:10,956
I've had three tickets already.
1404
01:14:12,822 --> 01:14:15,391
No, no, no, DP, not again!
1405
01:14:15,393 --> 01:14:17,026
- This has happened before?
- Yeah.
1406
01:14:18,130 --> 01:14:19,395
Dopinder, either vomit
1407
01:14:19,397 --> 01:14:21,097
or don't. The indecision is killing me.
1408
01:14:21,099 --> 01:14:23,201
Why couldn't God take my hearing?
1409
01:14:24,935 --> 01:14:26,870
Oh. Wow!
1410
01:14:26,872 --> 01:14:28,637
Cool your pits. They're growing back.
1411
01:14:28,639 --> 01:14:30,373
I'm talking about your face.
1412
01:14:30,375 --> 01:14:32,407
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1413
01:14:32,409 --> 01:14:34,811
- Jesus Christ!
- Looks like an avocado.
1414
01:14:34,813 --> 01:14:36,779
Your legs, though, they're cute.
1415
01:14:36,781 --> 01:14:38,617
You wanna borrow a pair of pants?
1416
01:14:40,083 --> 01:14:41,450
I'm glad everybody dropped by.
1417
01:14:41,452 --> 01:14:44,587
You must be wondering why
I didn't call you here.
1418
01:14:44,589 --> 01:14:46,121
I'll tell you why I'm here.
1419
01:14:46,123 --> 01:14:48,391
The Time Traveler's Wife's husband...
1420
01:14:48,393 --> 01:14:49,792
beat me within an inch of my life.
1421
01:14:49,794 --> 01:14:51,061
He was torturing me!
1422
01:14:51,063 --> 01:14:54,097
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1423
01:14:54,099 --> 01:14:56,732
So, I'm here to help us gear up.
1424
01:14:56,734 --> 01:14:57,999
So we can go after him without me.
1425
01:14:58,001 --> 01:14:59,535
No!
1426
01:14:59,537 --> 01:15:00,937
I'm doing this alone.
1427
01:15:00,939 --> 01:15:02,004
The Juggernaut
1428
01:15:02,006 --> 01:15:03,338
- will kill you all.
- Fair enough.
1429
01:15:03,340 --> 01:15:04,940
I don't care what the kid did to me.
1430
01:15:04,942 --> 01:15:06,275
I ain't letting Cable get to him.
1431
01:15:06,277 --> 01:15:08,744
I just need a couple of hours
to get some legs under me.
1432
01:15:08,746 --> 01:15:09,844
What will you do?
1433
01:15:09,846 --> 01:15:10,913
The first order of business is
1434
01:15:10,915 --> 01:15:12,080
to get me in front of Cable...
1435
01:15:12,082 --> 01:15:13,281
so I can pull all the
blood out of his body...
1436
01:15:13,283 --> 01:15:15,817
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1437
01:15:15,819 --> 01:15:17,486
Then, I'm gonna take his skin...
1438
01:15:17,488 --> 01:15:20,759
and stretch it out over
a homemade mating drum.
1439
01:15:22,027 --> 01:15:23,761
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1440
01:15:32,537 --> 01:15:34,236
What in the ass?
1441
01:15:34,238 --> 01:15:37,473
Is this apartment
listed on Tinder? Grindr?
1442
01:15:37,475 --> 01:15:39,678
You're much taller in the comics.
1443
01:15:41,144 --> 01:15:43,647
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1444
01:15:47,752 --> 01:15:49,718
- Why?
- No.
1445
01:15:49,720 --> 01:15:51,353
What can we help you with?
1446
01:15:51,355 --> 01:15:53,257
I'm here to proposition you.
1447
01:15:54,658 --> 01:15:55,525
Oh, boy!
1448
01:15:55,527 --> 01:15:56,926
He's really teeing it up, isn't he?
1449
01:15:56,928 --> 01:15:58,794
Who gets to make the first joke?
1450
01:15:58,796 --> 01:16:00,495
I think we should all
do it at the same time.
1451
01:16:00,497 --> 01:16:01,396
Good call.
1452
01:16:01,398 --> 01:16:02,597
For $45, you get succotash.
1453
01:16:02,599 --> 01:16:04,834
I only do over the pants, mouth stuff.
1454
01:16:04,836 --> 01:16:05,901
The Proposition has a wonderful
1455
01:16:05,903 --> 01:16:07,136
Guy Pearce performance.
1456
01:16:07,138 --> 01:16:09,038
Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over.
1457
01:16:09,040 --> 01:16:11,641
- Give us the line again.
- I need your help!
1458
01:16:11,643 --> 01:16:14,110
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1459
01:16:14,112 --> 01:16:15,977
but you unleashed the Juggernaut.
1460
01:16:15,979 --> 01:16:18,548
I can't bring him down alone.
1461
01:16:18,550 --> 01:16:19,751
So here we are.
1462
01:16:20,952 --> 01:16:22,718
We're no longer accepting applications
1463
01:16:22,720 --> 01:16:23,852
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1464
01:16:23,854 --> 01:16:25,053
We don't have a lot of time.
1465
01:16:25,055 --> 01:16:26,923
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1466
01:16:26,925 --> 01:16:28,357
No offense, but if you know so much...
1467
01:16:28,359 --> 01:16:31,026
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1468
01:16:31,028 --> 01:16:33,161
I use a device to slide through time.
1469
01:16:33,163 --> 01:16:35,632
The longer I travel, the
harder it is to control.
1470
01:16:35,634 --> 01:16:38,567
I got two charges: one to get me here,
1471
01:16:38,569 --> 01:16:39,869
one to get me home.
1472
01:16:39,871 --> 01:16:40,969
Well.
1473
01:16:40,971 --> 01:16:42,271
That's just lazy writing.
1474
01:16:42,273 --> 01:16:45,143
Oh, yeah. I get it. I
see what you did there.
1475
01:16:45,409 --> 01:16:46,575
What?
1476
01:16:46,577 --> 01:16:48,910
Jokes about lazy writing to
cover up actual lazy writing.
1477
01:16:48,912 --> 01:16:50,980
Why don't you just write better?
1478
01:16:50,982 --> 01:16:53,147
Why don't you just shut up?
1479
01:16:53,149 --> 01:16:54,984
Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster
1480
01:16:54,986 --> 01:16:56,451
of the orphanage tonight.
1481
01:16:56,453 --> 01:16:58,887
After that, he gets a real taste for it.
1482
01:16:58,889 --> 01:17:00,956
Like a 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst.
1483
01:17:00,958 --> 01:17:02,790
So he keeps killing...
1484
01:17:02,792 --> 01:17:04,226
and killing, and killing,
1485
01:17:04,228 --> 01:17:05,962
and killing.
1486
01:17:05,964 --> 01:17:09,167
Until one day, he
kills the wrong people.
1487
01:17:11,736 --> 01:17:13,238
My people.
1488
01:17:17,007 --> 01:17:18,206
Relax.
1489
01:17:18,208 --> 01:17:20,810
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1490
01:17:20,812 --> 01:17:23,145
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1491
01:17:23,147 --> 01:17:26,014
and you know it, you
sick son of a bitch!
1492
01:17:26,016 --> 01:17:27,751
The difference is night and day.
1493
01:17:29,386 --> 01:17:31,853
You remind me of my wife.
1494
01:17:31,855 --> 01:17:33,255
I'm sorry.
1495
01:17:33,257 --> 01:17:34,557
I said, "You remind me of my wife."
1496
01:17:34,559 --> 01:17:35,825
No, I'm sorry that you said that...
1497
01:17:35,827 --> 01:17:38,761
while making heavy eye
contact and applying lip balm.
1498
01:17:38,763 --> 01:17:39,898
She always struggled.
1499
01:17:40,997 --> 01:17:42,464
But she was funny...
1500
01:17:42,466 --> 01:17:45,869
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1501
01:17:45,871 --> 01:17:48,273
Something I could never master.
1502
01:17:48,907 --> 01:17:51,376
It was my fault she died.
1503
01:17:52,676 --> 01:17:56,445
It was my job to stop people like him.
1504
01:17:56,447 --> 01:17:58,617
I came close a few times.
1505
01:18:02,586 --> 01:18:04,589
He wasn't too happy about that.
1506
01:18:06,055 --> 01:18:07,255
He was trying to hurt me...
1507
01:18:07,257 --> 01:18:10,162
and he knew exactly how to do it.
1508
01:18:11,562 --> 01:18:13,361
Blessed are the wicked
1509
01:18:13,363 --> 01:18:15,866
who are healed by my hand.
1510
01:18:18,970 --> 01:18:21,236
He came into my home...
1511
01:18:21,238 --> 01:18:24,509
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1512
01:18:26,778 --> 01:18:28,380
Sound familiar?
1513
01:18:29,247 --> 01:18:31,047
- I'm sorry.
- Uh-huh.
1514
01:18:31,049 --> 01:18:32,850
No, I'm really sorry.
1515
01:18:34,885 --> 01:18:36,718
But that isn't Russell.
1516
01:18:36,720 --> 01:18:39,053
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...
1517
01:18:39,055 --> 01:18:40,990
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1518
01:18:40,992 --> 01:18:42,659
maybe a small learning disability...
1519
01:18:42,661 --> 01:18:44,093
splash of diabetes...
1520
01:18:44,095 --> 01:18:45,393
but nothing that can't be fixed.
1521
01:18:45,395 --> 01:18:46,962
If you could go back...
1522
01:18:46,964 --> 01:18:49,999
and stop the people that
took your girl, would you?
1523
01:18:50,001 --> 01:18:51,165
Of course I would.
1524
01:18:51,167 --> 01:18:52,301
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1525
01:18:52,303 --> 01:18:54,837
I'm not asking you to kill a kid!
1526
01:18:54,839 --> 01:18:56,237
I'll kill the kid.
1527
01:18:56,239 --> 01:18:59,674
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1528
01:18:59,676 --> 01:19:02,177
Russell's gonna burn
down that orphanage.
1529
01:19:02,179 --> 01:19:04,246
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1530
01:19:04,248 --> 01:19:07,415
would want you to do the
right thing, wouldn't she?
1531
01:19:07,417 --> 01:19:10,852
So, what's it gonna be, handsome?
1532
01:19:10,854 --> 01:19:12,454
Give me a chance to save him.
1533
01:19:12,456 --> 01:19:13,856
- What?
- You said...
1534
01:19:13,858 --> 01:19:15,590
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1535
01:19:15,592 --> 01:19:18,127
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1536
01:19:18,129 --> 01:19:19,895
promise you'll give me a chance
1537
01:19:19,897 --> 01:19:21,798
to put him on a different path.
1538
01:19:21,800 --> 01:19:23,065
Define "chance."
1539
01:19:23,067 --> 01:19:24,366
I don't know. How long does it take
1540
01:19:24,368 --> 01:19:25,500
to save someone's soul? That's not...
1541
01:19:25,502 --> 01:19:27,035
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1542
01:19:27,037 --> 01:19:29,038
- What? No!
- Best I can do.
1543
01:19:29,040 --> 01:19:30,475
Take it or leave it.
1544
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:42,317
He's doing it!
1545
01:19:42,319 --> 01:19:43,986
Look at the little fella. He's doing it.
1546
01:19:43,988 --> 01:19:45,987
There he goes.
1547
01:19:45,989 --> 01:19:47,524
Jesus Christ!
1548
01:19:48,992 --> 01:19:49,995
Ugh.
1549
01:19:50,761 --> 01:19:52,995
There you go, little fella.
1550
01:19:52,997 --> 01:19:54,663
Go on, you're doing it!
1551
01:19:54,665 --> 01:19:58,269
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1552
01:19:59,903 --> 01:20:01,102
Geez.
1553
01:20:01,104 --> 01:20:02,771
That's disturbing.
1554
01:20:02,773 --> 01:20:03,975
30 seconds.
1555
01:20:09,447 --> 01:20:11,049
- Deal.
- Deal.
1556
01:20:13,518 --> 01:20:16,218
I have no idea what's happening.
1557
01:20:16,220 --> 01:20:17,889
Probably for the best.
1558
01:20:19,424 --> 01:20:23,057
And that is why you
never eat a raw starfish.
1559
01:20:23,059 --> 01:20:25,294
It's just common sense.
1560
01:20:25,296 --> 01:20:26,695
Where the hell are we going?
1561
01:20:26,697 --> 01:20:28,030
You said it yourself.
1562
01:20:28,032 --> 01:20:30,965
Nothing can stop the
Juggernaut. We need backup.
1563
01:20:30,967 --> 01:20:34,035
I will bathe in the
blood of your enemies.
1564
01:20:38,242 --> 01:20:39,944
Can you turn off the music?
1565
01:20:40,944 --> 01:20:42,878
You'll do no such thing.
1566
01:20:42,880 --> 01:20:45,013
Why don't you just say
it in an Indian accent?
1567
01:20:45,015 --> 01:20:46,581
- I'm sorry?
- Apology accepted.
1568
01:20:46,583 --> 01:20:48,884
This is a side of you I do not like.
1569
01:20:48,886 --> 01:20:49,951
Let me guess,
1570
01:20:49,953 --> 01:20:51,987
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1571
01:20:51,989 --> 01:20:52,922
What the hell are you...?
1572
01:20:52,924 --> 01:20:55,089
Once again, intolerance
rears its ugly head.
1573
01:20:55,091 --> 01:20:56,592
I am so sorry. It gets better.
1574
01:20:56,594 --> 01:20:58,227
I'm not a racist, moron!
1575
01:20:58,229 --> 01:21:00,195
Precisely what a racist would say.
1576
01:21:00,197 --> 01:21:01,963
I'm with the old white guy on this one.
1577
01:21:01,965 --> 01:21:03,398
And that's a twist.
1578
01:21:03,400 --> 01:21:04,566
So what exactly do you
1579
01:21:04,568 --> 01:21:05,834
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1580
01:21:05,836 --> 01:21:07,402
Some kind of soldier?
1581
01:21:07,404 --> 01:21:09,271
Yeah, something like that.
1582
01:21:09,273 --> 01:21:11,539
I was a soldier. Special Forces.
1583
01:21:11,541 --> 01:21:14,243
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1584
01:21:14,245 --> 01:21:16,145
50 years from now, you're very dead.
1585
01:21:16,147 --> 01:21:18,981
Your entire generation failed
this planet into a coma.
1586
01:21:18,983 --> 01:21:20,415
Boom!
1587
01:21:20,417 --> 01:21:21,816
Spoiler alert.
1588
01:21:22,886 --> 01:21:24,218
Planets.
1589
01:21:24,220 --> 01:21:25,588
Here's a spoiler alert.
1590
01:21:25,590 --> 01:21:26,955
I should have finished college.
1591
01:21:26,957 --> 01:21:30,493
You're just an annoying
clown dressed up as a sex toy.
1592
01:21:30,495 --> 01:21:31,692
Well, I got news for you.
1593
01:21:31,694 --> 01:21:33,161
My heart is in the right place.
1594
01:21:33,163 --> 01:21:34,663
Russell's not gonna kill anyone.
1595
01:21:34,665 --> 01:21:36,898
Because of me, he's gonna
know what real love looks like.
1596
01:21:36,900 --> 01:21:37,767
We're all gonna die.
1597
01:21:37,769 --> 01:21:38,968
Because of you, I'll always know
1598
01:21:38,970 --> 01:21:41,337
what a grown man with
baby balls looks like.
1599
01:21:41,339 --> 01:21:43,405
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1600
01:21:43,407 --> 01:21:44,472
God, I wish this were a bus,
1601
01:21:44,474 --> 01:21:45,775
so I could pull the string and get out.
1602
01:21:45,777 --> 01:21:47,575
It's a good thing Cable's not driving,
1603
01:21:47,577 --> 01:21:48,877
or you'd be in the back.
1604
01:21:48,879 --> 01:21:49,945
I am in the back.
1605
01:21:49,947 --> 01:21:51,379
Right here!
1606
01:22:09,399 --> 01:22:11,432
I made mistakes!
1607
01:22:11,434 --> 01:22:13,334
I wanna take them back!
1608
01:22:13,336 --> 01:22:16,672
You trusted me. I took that trust...
1609
01:22:16,674 --> 01:22:18,173
and turned it into a toilet stall
1610
01:22:18,175 --> 01:22:19,340
in an airport bathroom.
1611
01:22:19,342 --> 01:22:22,678
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1612
01:22:22,680 --> 01:22:25,780
But even you know I was once an X-Man.
1613
01:22:25,782 --> 01:22:26,917
Trainee!
1614
01:22:31,455 --> 01:22:34,121
You're still using my Velcro labels. Aw.
1615
01:22:34,123 --> 01:22:35,624
They do stick better than tape.
1616
01:22:35,626 --> 01:22:37,258
- Hi, Wade!
- Please don't.
1617
01:22:37,260 --> 01:22:40,596
Say whatever it is you're
here to say. Make it quick.
1618
01:22:40,598 --> 01:22:42,230
Right. Quick. It's this kid.
1619
01:22:42,232 --> 01:22:43,598
Just like you, I let him down.
1620
01:22:43,600 --> 01:22:44,932
And just like me,
1621
01:22:44,934 --> 01:22:46,302
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...
1622
01:22:46,304 --> 01:22:48,404
because the entire world
wrote him off a long time ago.
1623
01:22:48,406 --> 01:22:50,605
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1624
01:22:50,607 --> 01:22:51,840
The Juggernaut!
1625
01:22:51,842 --> 01:22:53,843
Who's like my favorite
Marvel character ever.
1626
01:22:53,845 --> 01:22:55,111
And hi, Yukio!
1627
01:22:55,113 --> 01:22:57,312
That was really nice of you to
say hi, so I'm saying hi back.
1628
01:22:57,314 --> 01:22:59,949
You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah.
1629
01:22:59,951 --> 01:23:01,116
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
1630
01:23:01,118 --> 01:23:02,919
You should never meet your
heroes, because honestly...
1631
01:23:02,921 --> 01:23:04,219
it causes nothing but problems.
1632
01:23:04,221 --> 01:23:07,688
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.
1633
01:23:07,690 --> 01:23:10,959
Do you know what would
happen to me if I helped you?
1634
01:23:10,961 --> 01:23:12,928
I would be disgraced.
1635
01:23:12,930 --> 01:23:15,030
You are a criminal, a fugitive.
1636
01:23:15,032 --> 01:23:18,736
But worst of all, you
broke my heart, Wade.
1637
01:23:19,970 --> 01:23:23,838
You know what? Your heart's
in the wrong place, big guy.
1638
01:23:23,840 --> 01:23:26,741
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1639
01:23:26,743 --> 01:23:30,344
and screwed up, and not
particularly convenient!
1640
01:23:30,346 --> 01:23:33,348
So stay here in Chateau de Virgin...
1641
01:23:33,350 --> 01:23:35,553
while we go get our game on!
1642
01:23:38,456 --> 01:23:39,958
You're doing great.
1643
01:23:45,395 --> 01:23:46,829
So you wear that helmet because
1644
01:23:46,831 --> 01:23:48,630
your brother tries to read your mind?
1645
01:23:48,632 --> 01:23:51,866
Yeah, but he's in a
wheelchair, so even-steven.
1646
01:23:51,868 --> 01:23:54,570
Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir.
1647
01:23:54,572 --> 01:23:56,539
And he's not alone.
1648
01:23:56,541 --> 01:23:58,275
Secure the children.
1649
01:24:00,411 --> 01:24:03,047
They will not replace us.
1650
01:24:04,982 --> 01:24:07,950
Watch my back. I've got the old man.
1651
01:24:07,952 --> 01:24:09,888
Amen, brother.
1652
01:24:15,826 --> 01:24:17,558
Time to make the chimichangas.
1653
01:24:17,560 --> 01:24:19,762
30 seconds.
1654
01:24:19,764 --> 01:24:22,396
I finally know why I'm here.
1655
01:24:22,398 --> 01:24:24,400
I was raised in this place.
1656
01:24:24,402 --> 01:24:26,768
Well, not raised. I was tortured.
1657
01:24:26,770 --> 01:24:29,605
Wow! It's your cosmic
reason for being here.
1658
01:24:29,607 --> 01:24:31,106
- Shall we?
- This is gonna be fun.
1659
01:24:31,108 --> 01:24:31,973
Yeah!
1660
01:24:31,975 --> 01:24:33,676
Hey! Been meaning to ask you...
1661
01:24:33,678 --> 01:24:36,645
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1662
01:24:36,647 --> 01:24:39,914
It's not dirt. It's the
blood of my dead daughter.
1663
01:24:39,916 --> 01:24:42,651
Are you Bear, God? It's me, Margaret.
1664
01:24:42,653 --> 01:24:44,085
Give me some.
1665
01:24:44,087 --> 01:24:45,687
They say laughter heals anything.
1666
01:24:45,689 --> 01:24:46,989
Except, of course, that.
1667
01:24:46,991 --> 01:24:48,659
We should just cue the music.
1668
01:25:13,483 --> 01:25:16,254
Welcome home, Russell. We missed you.
1669
01:25:17,421 --> 01:25:18,553
Russell!
1670
01:25:18,555 --> 01:25:21,856
You don't need to do this! Let's talk!
1671
01:25:21,858 --> 01:25:23,391
Why are you dressed like the Unabomber?
1672
01:25:27,564 --> 01:25:28,629
That's why.
1673
01:25:28,631 --> 01:25:29,964
I told you he was too far gone.
1674
01:25:29,966 --> 01:25:31,799
Zip it, Thanos! We have
a deal and you forgot...
1675
01:25:31,801 --> 01:25:34,070
Hey!
1676
01:25:34,072 --> 01:25:37,705
I'm gonna shove that cab
driver right up your tailpipe.
1677
01:25:37,707 --> 01:25:39,909
My body and my hands are so soft.
1678
01:25:39,911 --> 01:25:41,043
You should probably
head back to the car.
1679
01:25:41,045 --> 01:25:43,611
I think I'll head back to the car.
1680
01:25:43,613 --> 01:25:46,650
It works best when you pull the trigger.
1681
01:25:49,385 --> 01:25:50,821
That gun is amazing!
1682
01:25:52,122 --> 01:25:53,824
Say it!
1683
01:25:55,591 --> 01:25:57,558
You are an abomination!
1684
01:26:03,266 --> 01:26:06,601
Now, I'm gonna shove the
red guy up the old guy.
1685
01:26:06,603 --> 01:26:09,306
I believe him! Every man for themselves!
1686
01:26:12,208 --> 01:26:13,508
Gotcha!
1687
01:26:13,510 --> 01:26:14,846
Beat it, midget!
1688
01:26:17,648 --> 01:26:20,816
Hey, big guy, the
sun's getting real low!
1689
01:26:20,818 --> 01:26:22,020
Uh, that's not good.
1690
01:26:35,632 --> 01:26:37,034
Come here, beautiful.
1691
01:26:43,607 --> 01:26:44,809
Whoo!
1692
01:26:53,050 --> 01:26:54,084
Say it!
1693
01:27:41,564 --> 01:27:42,764
You came for me.
1694
01:27:42,766 --> 01:27:44,165
I'm not giving up on you,
1695
01:27:44,167 --> 01:27:46,200
and you are not giving up on that boy.
1696
01:27:46,202 --> 01:27:48,404
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1697
01:27:48,406 --> 01:27:50,438
It's time to fight dirty.
1698
01:27:50,440 --> 01:27:51,839
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1699
01:27:51,841 --> 01:27:54,543
Hey! Pick on someone your own size!
1700
01:27:54,545 --> 01:27:56,645
That's such a you thing to say!
1701
01:27:56,647 --> 01:27:58,612
Go get him, tiger!
1702
01:27:58,614 --> 01:28:00,984
Big CGI fight coming up!
1703
01:28:17,934 --> 01:28:19,334
He's doing great.
1704
01:28:19,336 --> 01:28:20,772
Say it!
1705
01:28:24,774 --> 01:28:26,309
Russell. Bingo!
1706
01:28:30,281 --> 01:28:31,146
Oh, great!
1707
01:28:31,148 --> 01:28:32,446
There they are! Those freaks!
1708
01:28:32,448 --> 01:28:34,615
A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1709
01:28:34,617 --> 01:28:36,785
Can I have one of those guns?
1710
01:28:36,787 --> 01:28:38,654
- No.
- That's fine.
1711
01:28:38,656 --> 01:28:39,987
Get off this property, mutant scum!
1712
01:28:39,989 --> 01:28:41,324
I'm just gonna use this brick.
1713
01:28:41,925 --> 01:28:43,126
Maximum effort.
1714
01:28:44,161 --> 01:28:46,096
Who says you can't go home again?
1715
01:28:50,867 --> 01:28:52,133
Yeah!
1716
01:28:52,135 --> 01:28:53,171
Say it.
1717
01:28:53,702 --> 01:28:54,969
Say it!
1718
01:28:54,971 --> 01:28:58,507
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1719
01:28:58,509 --> 01:28:59,907
Blessed are the wicked...
1720
01:28:59,909 --> 01:29:01,312
who are healed...
1721
01:29:01,678 --> 01:29:03,314
by my hand.
1722
01:29:17,528 --> 01:29:19,297
You annoying little punk!
1723
01:29:35,211 --> 01:29:38,248
Only best buddies execute
pedophiles together.
1724
01:29:45,421 --> 01:29:48,123
I need a bus to get you all out of here.
1725
01:29:53,263 --> 01:29:54,297
Orphans.
1726
01:29:54,898 --> 01:29:56,099
Oh, geez.
1727
01:29:57,934 --> 01:30:00,535
It's time to burn for what you've done!
1728
01:30:00,537 --> 01:30:03,341
A child should not be
burdened with such power!
1729
01:30:10,514 --> 01:30:11,949
Russell! Wait!
1730
01:30:16,354 --> 01:30:17,355
Oh!
1731
01:30:23,059 --> 01:30:24,892
Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet!
1732
01:30:24,894 --> 01:30:25,960
What more do you need to see?
1733
01:30:25,962 --> 01:30:27,029
No, he's just a kid!
1734
01:30:27,031 --> 01:30:29,233
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
1735
01:30:41,545 --> 01:30:43,614
I'm gonna make a necklace
out of your teeth.
1736
01:31:01,965 --> 01:31:04,566
- I told you! Leave me alone!
- Come on!
1737
01:31:04,568 --> 01:31:05,636
Listen to me!
1738
01:31:26,791 --> 01:31:28,556
That's how we do it
1739
01:31:28,558 --> 01:31:30,127
in Mother Russia.
1740
01:31:32,028 --> 01:31:34,195
They say millennials
are the hardest to reach.
1741
01:31:34,197 --> 01:31:36,998
Oh, no. You're doing amazing.
1742
01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:39,370
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!
1743
01:31:42,906 --> 01:31:44,004
Go, go, go!
1744
01:31:47,544 --> 01:31:49,544
He dies tonight, Wade.
1745
01:31:49,546 --> 01:31:51,945
You can't stop me!
1746
01:31:51,947 --> 01:31:53,481
He even runs like a pervert.
1747
01:31:53,483 --> 01:31:56,587
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1748
01:31:57,554 --> 01:31:59,219
There's one bullet left in that gun.
1749
01:31:59,221 --> 01:32:01,455
Wait, wait, wait! Please,
just give me a second!
1750
01:32:01,457 --> 01:32:02,857
I got this.
1751
01:32:02,859 --> 01:32:05,093
- Russell!
- Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1752
01:32:05,095 --> 01:32:07,862
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1753
01:32:07,864 --> 01:32:09,429
That piece of shit...
1754
01:32:09,431 --> 01:32:11,465
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1755
01:32:11,467 --> 01:32:13,968
He hurt you badly.
1756
01:32:13,970 --> 01:32:18,106
But look, if you kill him, he wins.
1757
01:32:18,108 --> 01:32:21,412
You become everything he
says you are, but worse.
1758
01:32:22,446 --> 01:32:24,146
You're just a kid.
1759
01:32:24,148 --> 01:32:26,050
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1760
01:32:27,216 --> 01:32:30,121
It isn't too late. Don't do it.
1761
01:32:35,358 --> 01:32:37,560
I never should've left you there.
1762
01:32:39,430 --> 01:32:41,732
I never should've left
you in that prison.
1763
01:32:48,906 --> 01:32:50,306
I can't trust you.
1764
01:32:52,275 --> 01:32:54,577
I can't trust anybody!
1765
01:33:03,554 --> 01:33:04,852
Wonderful kid.
1766
01:33:04,854 --> 01:33:06,487
You can't stop me, Wade!
1767
01:33:08,791 --> 01:33:11,025
I got one more idea.
1768
01:33:11,027 --> 01:33:13,995
It's just a really bad one, even for me.
1769
01:33:13,997 --> 01:33:15,196
Wade, what are you doing?
1770
01:33:15,198 --> 01:33:17,464
This is for all the marbles, kid.
1771
01:33:17,466 --> 01:33:19,801
You're gonna kill someone today...
1772
01:33:19,803 --> 01:33:21,201
Blessed are the wicked...
1773
01:33:21,203 --> 01:33:23,340
...then it's gotta be me.
1774
01:33:24,306 --> 01:33:26,342
...who are healed by my hand!
1775
01:34:32,376 --> 01:34:35,546
Tell me they got that in slow motion.
1776
01:34:40,349 --> 01:34:42,152
Oh, that's not good.
1777
01:34:43,620 --> 01:34:45,156
No, sir.
1778
01:34:51,961 --> 01:34:55,232
You sacrificed yourself for me.
1779
01:34:55,565 --> 01:34:56,464
Yeah.
1780
01:34:56,466 --> 01:34:58,598
And it was the best thing I ever did.
1781
01:34:59,469 --> 01:35:01,803
I told you I care about you.
1782
01:35:01,805 --> 01:35:03,541
You're a good kid, Russell.
1783
01:35:04,675 --> 01:35:05,743
Hey.
1784
01:35:06,943 --> 01:35:08,442
The bear.
1785
01:35:08,444 --> 01:35:09,679
It worked.
1786
01:35:15,685 --> 01:35:16,884
Because of you.
1787
01:35:16,886 --> 01:35:19,320
No, Wade, because of you.
1788
01:35:19,322 --> 01:35:21,623
Stop, stop, stop!
1789
01:35:21,625 --> 01:35:22,626
Stop!
1790
01:35:24,027 --> 01:35:26,794
Just let it happen, okay?
1791
01:35:26,796 --> 01:35:30,164
I guess my heart was
finally in the right place.
1792
01:35:30,166 --> 01:35:32,703
That riddle is so messed up.
1793
01:35:37,306 --> 01:35:39,441
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1794
01:35:39,443 --> 01:35:41,810
Don't be. I've been trying to
make this happen for a while.
1795
01:35:41,812 --> 01:35:43,277
Please, just don't leave me.
1796
01:35:43,279 --> 01:35:45,012
I don't wanna die without an audience.
1797
01:35:45,014 --> 01:35:46,280
We are not going anywhere.
1798
01:35:46,282 --> 01:35:48,650
Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching.
1799
01:35:48,652 --> 01:35:49,720
Just rest, okay?
1800
01:35:51,520 --> 01:35:52,590
Papa.
1801
01:35:53,456 --> 01:35:55,592
♪ Papa, can you hear me?
1802
01:35:57,594 --> 01:36:00,730
♪ Papa, can you find me in the...
1803
01:36:03,300 --> 01:36:04,735
♪ night? ♪
1804
01:36:25,020 --> 01:36:26,620
Before I go...
1805
01:36:26,622 --> 01:36:28,625
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1806
01:36:29,058 --> 01:36:30,325
Domino.
1807
01:36:30,327 --> 01:36:34,996
I want you to have my
Adventure Time watch.
1808
01:36:37,400 --> 01:36:40,504
Turns out that I'm the lucky one.
1809
01:36:41,104 --> 01:36:42,406
Thank you.
1810
01:36:43,439 --> 01:36:47,107
Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.
1811
01:36:47,109 --> 01:36:49,380
It has been a pleasure.
1812
01:36:50,881 --> 01:36:53,714
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!
1813
01:36:55,352 --> 01:36:56,720
And you...
1814
01:36:57,153 --> 01:36:58,953
Chrome Bone.
1815
01:36:58,955 --> 01:37:02,190
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1816
01:37:02,192 --> 01:37:04,726
But you've always been that to me.
1817
01:37:04,728 --> 01:37:05,962
So thank you.
1818
01:37:07,997 --> 01:37:09,832
Say the F-word for me.
1819
01:37:10,434 --> 01:37:11,699
Just once. Come on,
1820
01:37:11,701 --> 01:37:13,366
we'll do it together. It's no big deal.
1821
01:37:13,368 --> 01:37:15,048
Here we go. One, two,
three. F... F... F...
1822
01:37:17,840 --> 01:37:21,444
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
1823
01:37:22,578 --> 01:37:25,713
And you, Cable.
1824
01:37:25,715 --> 01:37:30,352
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1825
01:37:30,354 --> 01:37:33,887
And promise me. Promise me one thing.
1826
01:37:33,889 --> 01:37:35,455
That you'll start judging people...
1827
01:37:35,457 --> 01:37:36,790
not by the color of their skin,
1828
01:37:36,792 --> 01:37:39,460
but by the content of their character.
1829
01:37:39,462 --> 01:37:41,364
- Jesus. R
- Dog?
1830
01:37:43,199 --> 01:37:44,531
Look.
1831
01:37:44,533 --> 01:37:47,403
Family is not an F-word.
1832
01:37:47,938 --> 01:37:49,303
All right?
1833
01:37:49,305 --> 01:37:51,873
There's one out there for you.
1834
01:37:51,875 --> 01:37:53,644
Just keep looking, okay?
1835
01:37:56,479 --> 01:37:58,982
Guys, for a second there...
1836
01:38:00,250 --> 01:38:02,086
we made a pretty good team.
1837
01:38:06,456 --> 01:38:08,889
Can you see it?
1838
01:38:08,891 --> 01:38:11,528
Do you see that beautiful bright light?
1839
01:38:12,796 --> 01:38:13,931
There it is.
1840
01:38:20,136 --> 01:38:21,369
Oh, that's the sun.
1841
01:38:21,371 --> 01:38:23,404
Don't stare directly into that.
1842
01:38:23,406 --> 01:38:24,938
I just have a few final words.
1843
01:38:29,412 --> 01:38:31,715
Do you want to build a snowman?
1844
01:39:47,957 --> 01:39:49,222
Sorry I'm late.
1845
01:39:49,224 --> 01:39:50,758
There was a bunch of
1846
01:39:50,760 --> 01:39:52,259
handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
1847
01:39:52,261 --> 01:39:53,630
- No.
- No.
1848
01:39:54,497 --> 01:39:57,598
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.
1849
01:39:57,600 --> 01:39:59,566
- He's got a terrible name.
- It's just awful.
1850
01:39:59,568 --> 01:40:00,770
- Ugh.
- I tried to tell him.
1851
01:40:03,040 --> 01:40:04,574
Is this heaven?
1852
01:40:05,274 --> 01:40:06,643
It is now.
1853
01:40:10,013 --> 01:40:11,547
I am so sorry.
1854
01:40:12,581 --> 01:40:13,983
It's okay.
1855
01:40:33,636 --> 01:40:35,639
I missed you so much.
1856
01:40:41,309 --> 01:40:43,045
What is it? What's wrong?
1857
01:40:44,982 --> 01:40:46,880
It's not time.
1858
01:40:46,882 --> 01:40:49,116
What do you mean it's not time?
1859
01:40:49,118 --> 01:40:50,651
I'm here, I made it.
1860
01:40:50,653 --> 01:40:52,454
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no.
1861
01:40:52,456 --> 01:40:55,222
I'm staying. I'm not
going anywhere without you.
1862
01:40:55,224 --> 01:40:56,624
It's okay.
1863
01:40:56,626 --> 01:40:59,696
There's a time for
us. It's just not now.
1864
01:41:00,497 --> 01:41:03,066
- They need you.
- Who?
1865
01:41:05,100 --> 01:41:06,536
Your F-word.
1866
01:41:07,537 --> 01:41:08,837
Why?
1867
01:41:08,839 --> 01:41:10,873
You'll find out.
1868
01:41:11,573 --> 01:41:14,711
I love you.
1869
01:41:17,113 --> 01:41:18,379
I know.
1870
01:41:18,381 --> 01:41:19,583
Now, go.
1871
01:41:20,649 --> 01:41:22,818
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1872
01:41:23,854 --> 01:41:24,855
Go.
1873
01:41:27,491 --> 01:41:28,692
Hey!
1874
01:41:31,361 --> 01:41:33,830
Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
1875
01:41:34,331 --> 01:41:35,632
Well, come here.
1876
01:41:48,678 --> 01:41:51,212
Wait, hold the mustard.
1877
01:41:51,214 --> 01:41:52,445
- Are you crying?
- No.
1878
01:41:52,447 --> 01:41:53,780
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.
1879
01:41:53,782 --> 01:41:55,717
You got emotion juice
coming out of your eye holes.
1880
01:41:55,719 --> 01:41:56,816
It's not me. I'm not crying.
1881
01:41:56,818 --> 01:41:58,453
I think it's this dusty soundstage.
1882
01:41:58,455 --> 01:41:59,521
- Oh, really?
- Or bedroom.
1883
01:41:59,523 --> 01:42:00,721
- It's a dusty bedroom.
- Thank you.
1884
01:42:00,723 --> 01:42:02,192
- That's normal.
- Let it out.
1885
01:42:03,492 --> 01:42:05,660
- I am crying.
- Yeah, you are.
1886
01:42:05,662 --> 01:42:07,395
And I'm caught off guard
'cause the movie's so bad.
1887
01:42:07,397 --> 01:42:08,495
Complete garbage.
1888
01:42:08,497 --> 01:42:09,730
- It's very compelling.
- Yeah.
1889
01:42:09,732 --> 01:42:10,798
There's something that
really resonates for me.
1890
01:42:10,800 --> 01:42:12,002
It kinda gets you.
1891
01:42:13,870 --> 01:42:15,136
There is more.
1892
01:42:15,138 --> 01:42:17,606
I would love to read
it to you, Fred Savage.
1893
01:42:17,608 --> 01:42:20,540
"Once again, Wade picked
up the love of his life
1894
01:42:20,542 --> 01:42:22,345
"in his approachably shredded arms."
1895
01:42:29,652 --> 01:42:31,020
It's all right.
1896
01:42:31,554 --> 01:42:32,989
I'll be waiting.
1897
01:42:34,256 --> 01:42:36,456
It's pretty awesome up here.
1898
01:42:36,458 --> 01:42:38,726
I can have anything I want.
1899
01:42:38,728 --> 01:42:41,195
Can every day be
International Women's Day?
1900
01:42:41,197 --> 01:42:42,463
It is heaven.
1901
01:42:52,875 --> 01:42:54,307
Time to make the chimichangas.
1902
01:42:54,309 --> 01:42:55,375
30 seconds.
1903
01:42:55,377 --> 01:42:56,611
Hey. Been meaning to ask you...
1904
01:42:56,613 --> 01:42:59,045
what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear?
1905
01:42:59,047 --> 01:43:01,348
It's my daughter's teddy bear.
1906
01:43:01,350 --> 01:43:02,749
Her name's Hope.
1907
01:43:02,751 --> 01:43:03,953
Well...
1908
01:43:04,854 --> 01:43:06,820
What are you doing?
1909
01:43:06,822 --> 01:43:08,423
Somebody swiped right.
1910
01:43:20,836 --> 01:43:23,838
Tell me they got that in slow motion.
1911
01:43:26,708 --> 01:43:28,543
You sacrificed yourself for me.
1912
01:43:28,545 --> 01:43:30,247
It would seem I...
1913
01:43:32,916 --> 01:43:33,917
Huh?
1914
01:43:34,649 --> 01:43:37,120
Genuine, high-grade lead.
1915
01:43:38,955 --> 01:43:42,123
You time-sliding son of a bitch!
1916
01:43:42,125 --> 01:43:43,794
You did this for me?
1917
01:43:45,495 --> 01:43:48,596
Wait. You can't go back.
1918
01:43:48,598 --> 01:43:49,864
You used the last of your fuel.
1919
01:43:49,866 --> 01:43:51,699
What about your girl, your wife?
1920
01:43:51,701 --> 01:43:55,105
No, my family's safe. And
I didn't do it for you.
1921
01:43:56,506 --> 01:43:58,871
No, I'm gonna stick
around for a while...
1922
01:43:58,873 --> 01:43:59,940
and make sure the world
1923
01:43:59,942 --> 01:44:02,078
doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
1924
01:44:02,644 --> 01:44:05,748
No. You did it for me.
1925
01:44:06,349 --> 01:44:07,749
No, I didn't.
1926
01:44:07,751 --> 01:44:09,116
- You did.
- I really didn't.
1927
01:44:09,118 --> 01:44:11,017
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.
1928
01:44:11,019 --> 01:44:12,887
Fine. All right, let's
flip a coin. Okay?
1929
01:44:12,889 --> 01:44:15,490
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
1930
01:44:15,492 --> 01:44:17,624
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
1931
01:44:17,626 --> 01:44:20,428
- We must get the collar off.
- Forget it. It's no use.
1932
01:44:20,430 --> 01:44:21,695
These collars don't just come off.
1933
01:44:21,697 --> 01:44:22,898
Wade.
1934
01:44:23,800 --> 01:44:25,833
I have an idea.
1935
01:44:25,835 --> 01:44:27,968
No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please!
1936
01:44:27,970 --> 01:44:30,338
I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just...
1937
01:44:30,340 --> 01:44:33,807
Oh, gosh! They do say the
pen is grosser than the sword.
1938
01:44:33,809 --> 01:44:36,177
We need the code.
1939
01:44:36,179 --> 01:44:37,945
Try, uh, seven?
1940
01:44:37,947 --> 01:44:39,646
Settle down, Captain Lucky.
1941
01:44:39,648 --> 01:44:41,048
It's not gonna be one number.
1942
01:44:41,050 --> 01:44:42,319
Oh, God, that's lazy writing.
1943
01:44:43,318 --> 01:44:44,787
I still got it.
1944
01:44:47,622 --> 01:44:49,893
Put that back in your prison wallet.
1945
01:44:51,159 --> 01:44:53,127
I don't know how to thank you.
1946
01:44:53,129 --> 01:44:55,262
But I do know how to hug you.
1947
01:44:55,264 --> 01:44:56,563
- No.
- Yes.
1948
01:44:56,565 --> 01:44:58,199
Here we go. Bring it in.
1949
01:44:58,201 --> 01:44:59,299
Come on.
1950
01:44:59,301 --> 01:45:00,668
Pelvis to pelvis.
1951
01:45:00,670 --> 01:45:02,003
Let's go tummy to tummy.
1952
01:45:02,005 --> 01:45:04,672
There we go. The kids
call this tummying.
1953
01:45:05,774 --> 01:45:07,575
Is there a knife in my lower extremity?
1954
01:45:07,577 --> 01:45:08,976
There's a knife in your leg, yeah.
1955
01:45:08,978 --> 01:45:10,143
I'm just gonna back up now.
1956
01:45:10,145 --> 01:45:11,712
- Yeah, yeah.
- No need to go full Yentl.
1957
01:45:11,714 --> 01:45:14,580
Gonna pretend like that never happened.
1958
01:45:14,582 --> 01:45:16,286
Let's go home, Russell.
1959
01:45:20,055 --> 01:45:21,955
All you dirty mutants
1960
01:45:21,957 --> 01:45:24,592
are gonna rot in hell with the boy!
1961
01:45:24,594 --> 01:45:27,695
Your souls are beyond redemption!
1962
01:45:27,697 --> 01:45:28,963
Let's see your soul, perv!
1963
01:45:28,965 --> 01:45:31,865
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
1964
01:45:31,867 --> 01:45:33,100
We're better than him!
1965
01:45:33,102 --> 01:45:35,870
No more senseless
violence! No more bloodshed!
1966
01:45:35,872 --> 01:45:37,570
We'll let karma take care of him.
1967
01:45:37,572 --> 01:45:40,576
The day of reckoning is here!
1968
01:45:49,852 --> 01:45:52,085
I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great.
1969
01:45:52,087 --> 01:45:53,053
Whoo!
1970
01:45:53,055 --> 01:45:56,391
Courage is my power!
1971
01:45:56,393 --> 01:45:58,159
I could hear you coming
the last 30 seconds.
1972
01:45:58,161 --> 01:45:59,994
I could barely keep a straight face.
1973
01:45:59,996 --> 01:46:02,029
I want some more.
1974
01:46:02,031 --> 01:46:03,463
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
1975
01:46:03,465 --> 01:46:06,901
We should leave before
Fudgernaut wakes up.
1976
01:46:06,903 --> 01:46:09,268
Good call. You guys coming with us?
1977
01:46:09,270 --> 01:46:11,472
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
1978
01:46:11,474 --> 01:46:12,905
Besides, we're X-Men.
1979
01:46:12,907 --> 01:46:15,709
No, you're X-People.
1980
01:46:15,711 --> 01:46:17,011
You're exhausting.
1981
01:46:17,013 --> 01:46:19,012
I see what you did there. Puns.
1982
01:46:19,014 --> 01:46:20,280
Our door's always open.
1983
01:46:20,282 --> 01:46:22,316
That's kind, but I'm
not ready to date again,
1984
01:46:22,318 --> 01:46:23,320
let alone two women.
1985
01:46:24,153 --> 01:46:26,920
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio!
1986
01:46:28,992 --> 01:46:30,090
What do you get
1987
01:46:30,092 --> 01:46:31,424
when you take eight feet of chrome...
1988
01:46:31,426 --> 01:46:32,593
one pinch of courage...
1989
01:46:32,595 --> 01:46:33,828
a cup of good luck...
1990
01:46:33,830 --> 01:46:35,495
a dab of racism...
1991
01:46:35,497 --> 01:46:36,563
a splash of diabetes...
1992
01:46:36,565 --> 01:46:39,600
and a wheelbarrow full
of stage four cancer?
1993
01:46:39,602 --> 01:46:42,203
Answer: a family.
1994
01:46:42,205 --> 01:46:45,338
See? I didn't lie what
kind of film this was.
1995
01:46:45,340 --> 01:46:46,740
If there's anything
you take away today...
1996
01:46:46,742 --> 01:46:49,910
other than the need to Google,
"What the heck is dubstep?"...
1997
01:46:49,912 --> 01:46:53,349
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
1998
01:48:46,662 --> 01:48:48,228
Okay, there we go. Here we go.
1999
01:48:49,398 --> 01:48:53,133
After-credit scenes. I
love after-credit scenes.
2000
01:48:53,135 --> 01:48:54,468
They feel so private, you know?
2001
01:48:54,470 --> 01:48:56,103
'Cause it's just you in the
theater. Everyone's left.
2002
01:48:56,105 --> 01:48:57,404
Here's the curtain. Peek, peek.
2003
01:48:57,406 --> 01:48:58,871
But you know something, you know?
2004
01:48:58,873 --> 01:49:01,040
You stayed.
2005
01:49:18,126 --> 01:49:19,993
How something so small generates
2006
01:49:19,995 --> 01:49:21,995
enough energy to reverse time is...
2007
01:49:21,997 --> 01:49:24,030
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
2008
01:49:24,032 --> 01:49:26,032
or I'll take it to the Genius Bar.
2009
01:49:26,034 --> 01:49:27,802
Cable's gonna kill
you when he finds out.
2010
01:49:27,804 --> 01:49:28,869
Never heard of him.
2011
01:49:28,871 --> 01:49:30,440
Why do you think I'm helping him?
2012
01:49:31,439 --> 01:49:34,776
The Lord works in
mysterious ways, don't I?
2013
01:49:34,778 --> 01:49:36,346
Have a good day.
2014
01:49:36,813 --> 01:49:38,411
Bye, Wade!
2015
01:49:38,413 --> 01:49:39,515
Bye, Yukio!
2016
01:49:40,748 --> 01:49:42,850
That was probably a bad idea.
2017
01:49:42,852 --> 01:49:44,284
What have we done?
2018
01:50:02,037 --> 01:50:04,070
I hope we sharpened the
cream cheese spreader.
2019
01:50:10,179 --> 01:50:11,748
I'll be right back!
2020
01:50:13,416 --> 01:50:16,453
We're definitely naming our kid Cher!
2021
01:50:16,818 --> 01:50:17,821
Whoo!
2022
01:50:19,522 --> 01:50:20,855
Peter!
2023
01:50:20,857 --> 01:50:22,289
Whoo! X-Force!
2024
01:50:22,291 --> 01:50:25,359
Walk away! Just walk away!
2025
01:50:25,361 --> 01:50:27,328
- But we're X-Force!
- Nope, we're not!
2026
01:50:27,330 --> 01:50:28,962
X
- Force is just a marketing tool
2027
01:50:28,964 --> 01:50:30,097
designed by Fox executives...
2028
01:50:30,099 --> 01:50:31,965
to keep Josh Brolin employed.
2029
01:50:31,967 --> 01:50:33,334
It doesn't exist.
2030
01:50:33,336 --> 01:50:36,904
All right, well, this
has been pretty scary!
2031
01:50:36,906 --> 01:50:38,705
And I need to feed my cat.
2032
01:50:38,707 --> 01:50:41,141
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
2033
01:50:41,143 --> 01:50:44,547
Okay. Will you give Domino my email?
2034
01:50:53,288 --> 01:50:55,425
Wade, is that you?
2035
01:50:57,727 --> 01:50:59,060
I guess Stryker finally
2036
01:50:59,062 --> 01:51:00,630
figured out how to shut you up.
2037
01:51:07,036 --> 01:51:10,169
Hey! It's me! Don't scratch!
2038
01:51:10,171 --> 01:51:12,838
Just cleaning up the timelines!
2039
01:51:12,840 --> 01:51:14,544
Love you!
2040
01:51:16,578 --> 01:51:18,348
Welcome to the big leagues, kid.
2041
01:51:22,818 --> 01:51:24,618
You're welcome, Canada.
2042
01:56:50,511 --> 01:56:52,747
"The end."
2043
01:56:54,049 --> 01:56:55,080
Just in time,
2044
01:56:55,082 --> 01:56:57,553
because I have lost almost
all feeling in my legs.
2045
01:56:59,688 --> 01:57:01,789
Ooh. No, they feel fine.
2046
01:57:01,791 --> 01:57:02,923
Can I go?
2047
01:57:02,925 --> 01:57:04,594
As you wish.
2048
01:57:06,560 --> 01:57:08,361
- That must feel good.
- Yes, thank you.
2049
01:57:08,363 --> 01:57:09,564
Yeah.
2050
01:57:11,733 --> 01:57:13,601
Come on. Whoa! Easy, now. Hey.
2051
01:57:13,603 --> 01:57:15,401
Easy, now. There you go. Come on.
2052
01:57:15,403 --> 01:57:17,103
Take it slow. Take it slow. Baby steps.
2053
01:57:17,105 --> 01:57:18,737
I can't feel my legs.
I can't feel my legs!
2054
01:57:18,739 --> 01:57:20,039
I know. Yeah.
2055
01:57:20,041 --> 01:57:23,109
You've been asleep for
three days, buddy. Come on.
2056
01:57:23,111 --> 01:57:25,012
Three days? Yeah! Three days.
2057
01:57:25,014 --> 01:57:26,579
I've been here for three days?
2058
01:57:26,581 --> 01:57:27,981
Yeah! Why so long?
2059
01:57:27,983 --> 01:57:29,316
Oh! That's too long!
2060
01:57:29,318 --> 01:57:31,358
Uh, can somebody get
this guy a Starbucks?
2061
01:57:32,043 --> 01:57:37,043
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Sync by GoldenBeard
144238
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof