All language subtitles for Lammbock (2001)

Erika Eleniak was somewhat of a…

pioneer regarding
breast implants, you know?

She got them during the mid-80's.

At that time implants
were still bullshit.

But Pamela Anderson was
smarter, she waited until the mid-90's.

Sort of after the "Silicone Revolution".

And she got some real
first-rate gourmet hooters.

The best there were
from the best doctor.

The guy was sort of the
Mohammed Ali of plastic surgery.

That guy was married to that
one actress, the blonde one,

what was her name?

Kim Basinger!

They are divorced now,
but never mind.

Anyway, you get my point?

Erika had no problem
until the third season,

when the directors decided
to send the crew travelling.

They had Baywatch in
Mexico and in Japan and so on.

And there the doctors
became suspicious.

They just knew that the
bullshit silicone in Erikas tits

was not designed to
sustain pressure fluctuations.

Domestic flights were OK,

but long distance flights,
above 10,000 meters,

the risk was just too high.

So they preferred Pamela
Anderson's superior implants.

That means the only reason
why Erika Eleniak got fired was

cause her tits exploded too easily.

- Got it.
- Seriously.

And that's that.

So don't tell me about good
acting or style or something or not?

Right?

Mhmm.

What "mhmm"?

You gotta have an opinion about that.

Nope, I really don't.

Come on, don't be
so narrow-minded now.

Sorry, I just decided not to
talk about such things any more.

About what?

About things like which
Baywatch babe has more style.

It simply has no substance.

"No substance!"

- Yeah!
- Aha!

You're just trying to talk
about something cool,

and don't care for the meaning.

I know you made the story up.

Thought it's pretty clever,
so you want to tell it.

And you tell me just like that!

And that's alright…

but we don't need to
talk about that for hours.

OK, sorry, OK.

So what do you want to talk about?

- Don't know!
- Oh, you don't know!

You know what you
don't want to talk about,

but you don't know what
you want to talk about.

What do you want
to talk about? Tell me!

Well… About something important…

problems of real life.

- "Problems of real life"?
- Yes.

Dude!

What?

- Nothing.
- Yes.

- Well, it's alright.
- Eh?

When did you think about that?

Just before.

Aha! Just before, while I
was rolling a joint you thought:

OK, from now on I talk
about real life problems…

- Completely spontaneous.
- Completely spontaneous.

Alright.

Dude, you're a freak sometimes.

Cool!

- Hey.
- Hello.

Gina, we have to talk.

What is it?

I think we have to break up.

I…

I think I can't remain
faithful while you're away.

I could tell you some fake reasons…

But you deserve honesty…

It's your hygiene.

Excuse me?

You don't take care of yourself anymore.

You sweat like a pig.

Do you still shower at all?

Certain body parts
are simply disgusting!

Call me hypersensitive.

But I just can't stand it anymore.

It's nice what stories
you can come up with.

As a matter of fact I am
sitting here doing something…

…clean up…, all you
do is get stoned.

For a while it was funny, but…

…I don't want that circus anymore.

And actually I never planned to
ever come back from America.

I met somebody there.

Joseph.

He's a broker. Hard working,
pays attention, charming.

Black too!

And for the future:

Women can have vaginal orgasms!

Joseph? Black?

That was a top-notch story.
Take your shirt off!

The beginning was really good.

It was much better than
your cheap story. Come on!

But then "vaginal orgasms"?

You just can't stand losing.

Stop, please. No, no!

Oh, yes!

But not a big one, OK?

A normal one, that's the deal.

Come on!

Give it to me!

Give it to me!

This is no campsite!

Shut up! Fucking cunt!

Can this guy say one normal sentence?

Frank!

Countenance!

Hey, Kai. What the hell?

Why do you let these potheads
hang out here and smoke pot publicly?

No!

When we come back you're gone, alright?

Oh, shit!

Fuck!

We don't leave for too long, OK?

- Mhm.
- I have to study.

"I have to study."

Hey, I got an exam in 2 months.

You don't have a clue about it!

Oh, and I keep you from learning?

- I could use a little support…
- I told you…

A little support.

I told you I can do this alone.

And besides I support
you as much as I can.

Oh, is that so? And how?

I… I… when you're done studying…

I'll pick you up from your exam

and serve you a gourmet
pizza, as a sign of my respect.

- How thoughtful.
- That's how much you mean to me.

- You care so much.
- I do indeed.

The Infiltration

Dealing is dangerous.

My father just sentenced
one guy for 3 and a half years

for possession of 300 grams.

300 grams? 3 years?

You dad is a nice guy, but
sometimes he's a fucking Nazi.

Don't you think the
high stand looks in use?

I won't answer that anymore.

Look in the top corner there
is some moss scratched off.

Yes, there is some moss
scratched off your brain.

We investigated the
place, it's out of order!

I don't know.

Be happy! Everything
is fine, everything grows.

Everything is well hidden.

Plenty of sunlight. Good soil.

- Stefan!
- What?

- Greenfly.
- Greenfly?

Yes, greenfly! Everywhere!
Check this out!

They are everywhere.

Shit.

Vinegar should help.

- What?
- Vinegar helps.

- Vinegar?
- Yes.

You mean vinegar?

We can't just experiment
with vinegar on our crops.

We need serious help.

Useful plant or ornamental plant?

Flower, bush, herbaceous plant…?

Useful plant. Definitely useful.

- You think it's herbaceous?
- How the hell should I know.

Listen, is this a pharmacy or what?

We need something against greenfly.
Can't be so hard, can it?

Well, you need to plan carefully.

Without knowing the name
of the plant I can't help you.

Thank you, we will try somewhere else.

Now you listen to me!

I won't bend down in front
of some "florist codex".

You can't treat people like that!

Of course we go in there.

Stefan! Listen, OK?

People in those shops have no style, OK?

They study new age spirituality,
and fuck chicks with hairy arm pits.

I never hung out with those cliché
potheads and I won't start now, OK?

Stefan, wait. Stefan!

Let's take off, did you
see that guy? No way!

Let's just ask, OK?
Don't be so intolerant.

- No way!
- Think about the greenfly.

Let's go.

Excuse me, I might be able to help you.

I also grow crops.

Grow what?

Yeah, alright.

Well, I can tell you there
is a cure for greenfly.

Especially for big plants.

The stereotype of political left wingers
as fucked up potheads is old fashioned.

THC abuse exists in all professions

all social classes, and all ages.

The motto is:

"Know your enemy."

Aphidoteles aphidimyza, predatory
gall midges - a secret weapon.

One larvae kills up to 50
greenflies and then takes off.

No problem for the plant.

Where do you know that from?

Well, when you do this
business professionally

you have to teach
yourself some things.

I'm a fan of zero-zero.

You need resources
for this precious stuff.

You know zero-zero?

- Yes, of course.
- Back then!

You have to be able to roll a joint.

Practice, practice, practice!

But even more important
is the presentation.

"Awesome shit, man."

Nonsense, nobody
talks like that anymore.

Only social educators and teachers.

"This shit kicks better
than Mehmet Scholl."

Trying too hard.

Transparent.

No, this dope, my dear friends,

isn't ordinary stuff.

This dope is the deluxe version.

This dope is…

"Die Jacobs-Krönung des THC."

"Die Jacobs-Krönung des THC"?

If I smoke another one now
I can't study anymore.

"If I smoke another one now
I can't study anymore."

Alright, one more.

And that is the only
reason why she was fired.

I say that theory is bollocks.

- Air planes have pressure cabins…
- So what?

Sorry guys, but
Kai has got a point.

Have you ever heard of
the porn star Karla Kowalcyk?

Called "Karla Super Fist",
breast perimeter 142 cm.

- "Four Fists for One Hallelujah".
- …was her last movie.

Karla was a customer of my cousin
Dominik. He was sort of her pimp.

Dom is a little weird but honest.
He always took care of her,

especially since he made sure

she traveled only in
small planes that fly low.

But on the way to her shooting for
"The Super Fist Hits Again" it happened.

Karla misses her flight,

but she never wanted
to miss an appointment,

and so she takes a Boeing 737.

And then?

When the plane reached
its final height it happened.

The entire business class was messed up.

And the super fist never hit again.

Makes sense.

Man that is a sad
story, don't you think?

What's wrong?

Hallo?

- I'm black and white.
- You're what?

Look, I'm black and white, man.

That's not funny, man.
I'm black and white!

He's black and white.

Zero-zero.

Sometimes it even kicks in late.

One of my buddies didn't
feel anything for 3 days.

Then the devil appeared to him,

sat in front of his bed,
and watched him. Seriously!

Really?

Did you hear that, Stefan?

Wanna smoke another one?

Stefan's Little Sister

Don't panic, go do the AIDS test
now and you show some optimism.

Kai, I'm showing realism.

That guy's girlfriend is HIV positive.

Don't think I'm just
trying to grandstand, OK?

But I slept with him without a condom
and his girlfriend is HIV positive.

That is pretty frightening.

Well, I know one thing for sure.

If that test is negative, I will
never cheat on Tim again.

All this cheating sucks anyway.

30 of minutes fun and a
months long bad conscience.

3 months of hell.

- 3 months?
- It takes that long to detect HIV.

During that time I
didn't sleep with Tim.

What? 3 months?

Well, sure, what else should I do?

And what did he say?

I told him I had an infection
and that was OK for him.

OK for him? 3 months?

Get over it, OK?
I know you think he's a jerk.

But I was OK with it too.

You got a code name for the test?

- Hmm?
- A code name for the test.

Nope, I'll think of one later.

What is that?

That's important, you
have to think of that before.

What if you can't think of any?

Then you say your name is "funny bee".
You can't do that.

I guess you have one already?

Yes.

Yes, I thought about
it for a long time.

It's like that… it's
gotta be a cool name.

Not aggressively cool…

but the coolness has to
be underneath the surface?

Got it?

Mr Pink.

Mr Pink?

Mr Pink, you know? From "Reservoir
Dogs", the movie, you know?

Yes, Mr Pink…

A cool name for a cool character, right?

And it's got some sort
of understatement…

cause the movie is not that famous.

I need some information for statistics.

First you need one code name.

Mr Pink!

One word only please.

What do you mean?

Am I not speaking
German? One word only!

Well, "Pink" then.

"Pink", alright.

I suppose I don't need to
ask about your sexual habits.

The test takes 30 minutes.
You can get the results here then.

"Sexual habits", that stupid bi…

I should have said "oogle".

30 more minutes. Shit.

I know what to do in the meantime.

If that shit breaks out I
will go away immediately.

Somewhere in the South Sea.

I'll get an inflatable mattress
and 2 bottles of rum…

…and paddle out into the pacific.

Then I drink until I pass out,
and slip into the sea.

That way the fish get food,
my family has no bad conscience,

and I can get drunk.

…I'm definitely not gonna die of AIDS.

More like from asthma, eh? A pity…

Don't exhale.

That's what I call a shottie, wasn't it?

Laura…

Hey, I'm negative, you're negative.
We are both negative!

Show some enthusiasm! Be happy!

I can't I'm too stoned. Sorry.

Man, I… I'm so horny.

Uhh!

So Tim has something to look
forward to his surprise party tonight.

Ahm!

"Ahm"!

- Thanks for coming with me.
- I'll never do that again.

You were a big help.

But still, I'll never
do that again.

Enough for now.

By the way…

talking about that,

what the hell is "oogle"?

I can't believe you told her that.

Come on, Kai!

What can I say, Dopex?
You know I am an aesthete.

You've known Laura since she was a kid.
You have a responsibility for her.

Man, sometimes you're
a real motherfucker.

This fucking "dissing
around" all the time.

What did you just say?

Kai…

Did you listen to me?

How can you tell my
little sister about "oogle"?

Did you hear what he just called me?

He called me a "motherfucker".

- Really?
- What?

- Yes.
- Seriously?

Sorry Dopex, but saying
"motherfucker" is just… embarrassing.

I mean it would be OK,
but when the rest is this

"homeboy style" stereotype shit…

And pack in your shit.

I told you a thousand times that
you should not bring your stuff here.

Talking about style.

What style is that to tell my
little sister about "oogle"?

You can't do that, she is still a child!

He's coming.

The Surprise Party

He puts his bag down,

gets a drink,

What is he doing?

A vacuum cleaner?

He is vacuuming?

On his bloody birthday?

Screw it, we go up, but be quiet.

Who are these hairy bitches?

Come on, let's go somewhere else.

Let's go, it's fucked up here.

He is actually quite alright,
just a little messed up.

Tourette's syndrome
or something like that.

He can't say one
sentence without swearing.

If he smokes pot it's
better, but without pot…

Now that I think about it,

maybe he just fakes it so that
people give him pot.

What's going on?

Tim was weird, you're all here,
the party is cancelled, he's at home.

- I'm getting a drink.
- Me too.

Tim had a wank with his vacuum cleaner.

His vacuum cleaner?

He somehow got surprised,

and then he stood there with the thing.

And sort of slipped
his dick into it

and got stuck in
the underpressure.

And that's when things
became humiliating.

Until somebody had a good idea.

What's with my sister now?

Well, I immediately
brought her here

before things could get any worse.

Hey, little sis. You alright?

Don't drink too much, OK?

I'm better already.

- One more?
- Definitely.

See Dopex? So crappy that it
is cool again. That is true style.

You know, Laura?

I think I fell in love with you.

Yeah, that's OK.

Are you alright in there?

Where is Stefan?

He went home. Gina is leaving tomorrow.

I wanna go home too.

Pretty embarrassing thing with Tim, eh?

Weird,

I decide not to cheat on him anymore
and then I catch him cheating on me,

with his vacuum cleaner.

Want a shottie?

We have nothing to smoke.

What?

Doesn't matter.

- Shit, I shouldn't have done that.
- No, it's OK.

Sorry…

It's not your fault. Sorry.

You don't have to apologize.

It was a long day today.

Gotta go.

3 months without a girlfriend.
It's gonna be awesome for you.

Why's that?

Who was the one who said…

I enjoy being together with my
girl the most when she is not there?

Who said that? Who said that?

That was before.

Oh, I see.

With Gina everything changed.

- Really!
- Yeah, of course.

- What?
- Yeah, sure.

This woman has everything that I need.

It's all about different things.

Totally different.

It's about connectedness.

Yes, and fidelity.

Yes.

- What?
- Nothing.

The Limbo-Party

What are you doing here?

Hi Stefan!

Hi.

Sorry, I hope I didn't disturb…

No, no problem. What are you doing
here? I thought you were in Berlin?

I'm visiting my parents,
just for a few days.

- Hallo.
- Hallo.

Have a seat. You want a drink?

Water please.

- So what's up?
- I'm fine.

- And you?
- Good, can't complain.

- Where is Kai?
- Still sleeping.

But you're still doing
this together, right?

Sure, you know Kai.

He needs attention.

- Still so bad?
- Yeah.

He smokes pot even on the toilet.

He said it's better
for the digestion.

Thanks.

You study law?

What's with your plans
to open a beach coffee bar?

Ah, forget that. It was nonsense.

But you got it all checked out,
just had to get on the plane--

I'll finish my education first.
Then I will see what will be next.

But it was always your
thing. Going somewhere nice.

Sea, beach, palms,
building up your own existence.

Well, tell me a little
about you. How are you?

Excellent, the studies
are going great.

And I will go to
London for my masters.

London?

- Congratulations.
- Thanks.

And that's why I'm here.
I wanna throw a little party

with the people from way back.
You're invited, of course.

I wanted to order some drugs from you.

What do you want to order?

Drugs. You heard me.

Drugs? You?

- What for?
- Excellent question.

Sure, what do you want?

Schoof, bioskunk, Superwahnsinn.
Boy oh boy!

Fitting for a good farewell party.

Aren't you afraid that
you'll never leave this place?

Why? It's nice here.

Three Superwahnsinn.

Bioskunk, schoof.

She knew a lot about drugs suddenly.

I just want you to question
this strange metamorphosis…

Shit, it's still full of greenfly!

…cause then you'd see
that it was nothing but show.

- Fucking greenfly!
- Just show!

She only came to show me
how great she turned out…

It's a scandal!

…and what we lost with her.

And why? Because she still loves me.

That's a fact.
But she is without a chance.

Cheat on Gina because of her!
That'd be totally crazy.

Oh, come on, you've been
nagging about that all day.

What? Sorry that I am talking
about something personal for once.

That's not the point. I believe
that you wouldn't cheat.

So what are we talking about?

What we talk about is

that I could cheat.

I mean I am not, but I could be.

But I don't think that I
am asking for too much

when I want you to show
some interest in my situation.

Some.

So, why is there the possibility
that you might cheat on her?

Well,

Gina is pretty cool.

But Jenny also has advantages.

What advances?

- Sex!
- Sex.

- For example.
- Ah.

Jenny, she was terrific in bed.

But with Gina I didn't even
get a boner in the beginning.

Why's that?

That is exactly what
I am trying to tell you.

Jenny I met at the
night club, right?

And she's always
more of a fashionable girl.

But Gina I knew before already…

and she was a friend.
That is the problem.

The transition between
friend and sex object.

Imagine you go out and have fun

and afterwards you're in bed and she
is giving you a blow job.

Would you let a friend suck your dick?

If he is pretty.

You're killing me. Stop it.

But are you getting the problem?

You see why there is at
least one reason to cheat?

- Yeah, alright, but you're not going to.
- Of course not!

Well, then everything is alright!

Jeez!

Hallo!

- Hey, Nico!
- Jenny!

Asshole! Come on. Cunt! Come on.

Asshole, give it to me!

Boner! Come on.

Achim, my friend. I have
to say, your strange flies

are just sunbathing and nothing else.

Sun? I thought you're growing
indoors with a sunray lamp!

Sunray lamp? These aren't
just two plants in the bathroom.

For our crops you don't need a
sunray lamp, you need an entire galaxy.

- I see.
- Yes.

Well, outdoors these flies won't help.
In that case we need a new strategy.

He's harmless.

Limbo!

Hey! How low can you go!

Hey! How low can you go!

So what now?

- For me?
- You want one?

Thanks. Cheers.

Back in the days we never
partied together like that.

Back then you were different.

Friends?

Friends!

Thanks.

Are you alright?

No, nothing is alright.

I don't get it.

Kai, do I have…

cellulite?

No, you're a top class woman.
That's not the reason.

You can't get a boner,

and my ex-boyfriend gets a
blowjob from his vacuum cleaner.

Great "top class woman".

Did you never get it, who was the reason

why all my relationships
didn't work out?

Laura…

I never wanted to tell you that.

Sorry.

What are you afraid of, Kai?

I'm not afraid.

I just want things to
stay the way they are.

Hey, you cunts! Limbo! Shit!

You can go.

Really?

Seriously?

Is there anything left to smoke?

Boy oh boy, Achim.

Sleeping bags are in the hallway.
I'm going to sleep. Good night.

Did you see that look she gave me?

Fidelity…

True connectedness…

Jenny?

Can I come in?

That thing between us
never really stopped, right?

I got a headache.

Good morning.

Good morning. Get out of my bed now.

Breakfast!

Hallo?

The Zero-Zero Disaster

…with full strength. That hurt.

You really want to take
Achim to the plantation?

Do not disturb me!

Well, we hardly know the guy.

Are you afraid he's
gonna turn us in, or what?

No.

That huge plantation
can get us into jail.

Don't be silly. Achim smokes
more than the both of us together.

Plus he knows about growing.

Shit! Always the same, you
distracted me with your damn paranoia.

Some people just can't lose.

"Some people just can't lose."

Want another zero-zero?
Come on, one more.

- No!
- One more and I kick your ass.

Did you manipulate
something about the level?

Who is that now?

Damn, it's my father!
Quick! He's got a key.

- Hallo.
- Hallo, Kai. What's up?

- I'm fine, thanks.
- Hey, daddy.

It smells sweet in here.

It's just this stuff, the air was bad.

So how is your stomach?

Much better already, thanks.

I see.

Optimistic for your exam?

Yeah, yeah the stomach thing was a
little problematic. But I'll be alright.

You have to work hard now.
Life is not one big party.

By the way, Dr. Kollmann is coming over
for dinner the night after tomorrow.

He runs the biggest
office in town.

Kollmann, yeah, I know, of course.

Maybe you can drop by?

He might be able to
do something for you.

You know, good connections.

It can't be bad to
get some contacts--

Stefan! What the hell?
What's that?

Just stomach medicine. It's really…

I started feeling sick again.

I think I drank ten liters
of water already.

- Did it work?
- Apparently.

Good hint with the water.
I don't feel anything so far.

Maybe zero-zero works
through your respiratory tract only.

Schöngeist called.

The cops busted Dopex with
2 grams of cocaine in his car.

What?

I knew it. I knew it! Shit!

Dopex, remember?
The guy I showed you at the party.

Yeah, I remember.

Stefan, what are you doing?

Are you nuts? Our entire supply.

You flushed 1 kg gourmet
dope down the toilet.

Dopex got busted. If he tells them names,
they are going to search our place.

What then?

Just shut up.
You messed everything up.

Of course, you don't care. You
get all your money from mummy.

But I'm gonna be
somebody. I'll be a lawyer.

And I don't want to end up like
the two retards out there in the bus!

Nice start, Bullmann!

It's nothing compared to
that home delivery service.

Possible, but you
have to get us evidence.

A few grams from the
pocket are not enough.

Bring real bulletproof evidence.

The more the better.

So you want to follow
in your father's footsteps?

I think so.

Well, that is a challenge.
Your father's career is quite impressing.

May I introduce you
to my daughter Laura?

- Hallo.
- Good evening.

Are you insane?

I'm sorry, just a nervous reflex…

I think I will specialize
in criminal law.

I know it's pretty crowded,
but it's a chance to get ahead quickly.

Very determined, I like that.

- Is your girlfriend doing law too?
- Hmm?

If you have a girlfriend.

Gina does economics.

She is abroad right now.

She is… uhm… she is in the USA.
Doing an internship, for 3 months.

Gina is very hard working.
She gets things done.

- Mama!
- What is it?

- I wanna go play.
- OK.

Your father told me you
finance your studies by yourself?

Yes.

Yeah, he works in a pizzeria.

Seems to be a
well paying business.

You should see
the car he is driving.

So where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Well, uhm…

We'll see…

Don't be so shy!

He always wanted to be a lawyer.

Not easy.

But if you really
want it you can do it.

The most important thing
is to have clear goals in life.

And for you the only goal
can be an excellent degree.

And then you can come to my office.

When will you be ready?

Takes a little longer.

- What semester are you in now?
- 10th.

He is doing his exam now.

- Then it's about time for you now, eh?
- Hmm.

Stefan! You wanna go get some fresh air?

I'll open the window.

What is it with you?

Stefan! Talk to us!

Stefan!

Take that brat away!
That's not a child, it's the devil!

What are you talking about?

The Brain Cell Massacre

Didn't they look different
in the mushroom book?

They may look them up.

Small, white lamella,
that should do it.

That is just the right approach
for picking mushrooms.

Come on, we had the best dope
in town, and now all we got are…

these instant mushrooms.

Mushrooms on a pizza,

nobody will bust us for that,
it's the best future investment.

I hope they kick in.

We can test them.

That is being used in
Kazachian plantations.

It keep away even migratory locusts. So
don't get your noses too deep into it.

Why?

Since glue became
expensive, people sniff this stuff.

You know what the
Polish call that stuff?

Brain cell massacre.

"Brain cell massacre"?

Oh, by the way…

Kai and I had some of these earlier.

A little more life enhancement
for the garden work.

I can solve your greenfly problem.

Apart from that, great plants.

Let's harvest.

- What?
- What?

Look at the high stand.

It's too obvious. Its a miracle
nobody has discovered the crops yet.

What are you talking about? If we wait
2 weeks longer we will have 30% more.

I don't care.

- Are you nuts? What's your problem?
- We harvest!

And why did Achim bring
the brain cell massacre?

I made a choice, spontaneously.
The crops have to go.

Spontaneously. Spontaneously
you also destroyed all our supplies.

That's nonsense!

Right, Achim? Right?

Say something, man.

That's your choice.
You can harvest now if you want.

"Well, we can harvest
if we want". Great.

Well, alright, let's harvest.

Was there something?

There was something. Be quiet.

I can't hear anything.
Stop your damn paranoia!

Hallo?

Stefan! Stefan!

I don't know what's going on with him.

- There is a hunter.
- Shut up.

What's going on with you?

- Small white lamella should do it, eh?
- Sorry, little mistake.

- "A little mistake"?
- Yes, sorry.

- Keep his mouth closed!
- No, he's spitting.

Stefan, I can't hold him back.

- The brain cell massacre!
- What? Stefan? No!

Stefan, no. You can't do that!

It's dangerous! Who knows what
it'll do to him! You can't do that man!

Hello?

- Oh, shit.
- Hide him.

Hello?

Everything alright?

He puked up the mushrooms?

Yes, but who knows what the brain
cell massacre is still doing to him.

Let's get him to a hospital.

- Yes, I'll get the rest.
- OK.

Freeze!

Calm down. It's not what you think.

One move and I shoot.

- Are you crazy?
- Put him in the car.

We can't, we need the car for Achim.

He saw the dope. Put him in the trunk.

Look, what you've done.
Always the same shit.

Shouldn't we bring them to the hospital?

To the hospital? When he wakes
up, he will remember everything.

We gotta get rid of
the hunter somehow.

Get rid of? You
wanna kill him or what?

Are you completely crazy now?
This ain't no damn gangster movie.

Hey, you said we should get rid of him,
I said we bring him to the hospital.

- You know what I mean.
- No, I don't.

I don't know how to get rid of
somebody without getting rid of him.

Kai. Shut up now, I have to think.

And here the results
of the Bundesliga:

SC Freiburg - Werder Bremen 2:1

Borussia Dortmund - 1860 München 1:3…

Bayer Leverkusen loses
against FC Bayern München 0:3

All three goals were
scored by Mehmet Scholl.

1. FC Köln vs Hamburger SV 1:2

Mehmet is pretty hot at the moment, eh?

- Huh?
- Mehmet. Hot.

No, no, Mehmet is not
hot, Mehmet is glowing.

They are thinking about
coating the stadium with teflon

so that he won't stick.

I think Mehmet…

is the only guy in the world
that I'd give a blow job.

Seriously. Seriously!

Mehmet has style, and he looks handsome.

Great legs, great body, great face…

I'm not saying that
you won't do it, but…

maybe Mehmet Scholl
wouldn't be the only guy

that you'd give a blowjob.

What? No, don't get me wrong…

I'd never suck anybodies dick.

I'm only saying if…

If, then only Mehmet.

OK, alright.

Imagine you'd really give him a blowjob.

And imagine his dick is really good.

You'd do it one, twice, three,
four, five, probably ten times.

But at the 11th time you'd
hear this slight knocking…

in your head, from the inside.

Throbbing against your skull.
And you know why?

- You'll tell me.
- Yeah, I'll tell you.

Because in your head lives a little man,

who knocks against
your skull from the inside,

harder and harder and harder.

Until it sounds as if he's
hammering BAM BAM

against your synapses.

And when you raise your head
between Mehmets legs for the 20th time,

then you'll start
listening to the little man.

You'd listen, and you
know what he says?

What?

He'd say: "Stefan, listen,

"Mehmets dick is pretty good,

"but are you sure that
it's really the best?"

Yeah, you laugh.
"Aren't there…

"much better, nicer and bigger
dicks in the world?"

And you'd think, and at
some point you'd do it,

you'd try it and suck them all.

You'd suck the big, the
small, the yellow, the black--

- Yeah, I got it!
- The green, the red--

OK, alright. Then you'd suck them all,
always searching for the ultimate dick.

Going from one dick to another.

But the reason is not
that you like sucking dick,

the reason is a different
one, you know it?

The reason is the little
man living in your head…

The little "I'm never satisfied"
man lives in your head…

cause you're never happy with
what you have or what you're doing.

- Awesome theory.
- Yeah, it's a fact.

With Jenny you can't smoke pot,
with Gina you can't fuck.

When we're sitting in the
pizzeria, you should be studying.

When we're together getting stoned
you always think about your studies.

The little "I'm never satisfied"
man is sitting in your head.

And therefore Mehmet Scholls' dick
would never be the only one you'd suck.

- Awesome, thanks.
- You're welcome.

You know sometimes I think,

if I really would have
done my beach coffee bar,

and everything would
have gone excellent.

Sun, beach, my own business.

But then if you realize
that you're still not happy.

That would be horrible.

So it's nice having an
excuse for not being happy.

Yeah, it's also good to have
an excuse for sucking dick.

Basically the only problem is
that we don't have any problem.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

OK, stay cool.

Shit, it's over man.

Stay calm.

Step out of the car.

Alright, guys.

If I search your glove
compartment, what will I find?

Condoms or weed?

Excuse me?

What are two guys doing in the
middle of the night out on the fields?

Either they fuck or they smoke a joint.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

It's alright, guys. I do understand.

I am OK with that.

Better to smoke a joint
every now and then

than getting drunk all the time.

With dealers I have no mercy.

That's right.

But personal use is OK.

- Yes.
- There you go.

- Thanks.
- Thank you very much.

Just open the trunk, please.

- Why?
- Just routine procedure.

Well, I can tell you what's in
there, 2 corpses and 3 kg drugs.

Oh, that joke is old.

You fucking pigs!

Fucker!

- I'm sorry, he can't help it.
- Pig pussies!

He's got one of these
psychosomatic disorders.

Tourettes, right?

- Exactly.
- Doesn't he have his pills?

- He forgot them at home.
- Gay dogs!

I told him to take them, but he forgot.

- He should take them quickly.
- Asshole, you monkey dicks!

I hope it's no problem
with insulting an officer?

Fat pussies!

No problem, he doesn't
know what he's doing.

Just like when you're
completely drunk.

Interesting, what is the
blood alcohol limit for that?

You pigs!

Around 2 per mille. But now it's
about time you take him home.

Oglers!

"Nazi-communists. Motherfuckers."

"Nazi-communists. Motherfuckers."

"Gay…"

"Gay dogs"? Dude!

By the way, they gave me an idea.

And if he still remembers?

The cop didn't say
anything about amnesia?

They won't believe him.

Plus they will think
it's an excuse anyway,

cause he got drunk
and screwed things up.

The cops will find him in his car,
off the road, and hammered drunk.

- They will find him?
- Sure, we will call anonymously.

Yeah, alright.

OK, put the head on your shoulder.

Fill him up.

- Open up.
- There you go.

- Did he swallow it?
- Don't know.

Ah, shit.

Once again. Further back with the head.
Further. Open his mouth.

Open wide.

Yeah, now he's got it.

Shit, that's not working.

It's all going down the windpipe.

We have to put it in his gullet.

How's that gonna work?

Pick him up.

Which one is the gullet? Right or left?

How should I know?
You can't stick a hose down his throat.

- Got any better idea?
- No, but… No!

- Right or left?
- Don't know, right?

- Right?
- Then right!

- Or maybe left?
- Come on, pick a choice.

We divide the responsibility.
You tell me where and I stick it in.

- OK. Right.
- Right it is.

- Or maybe left?
- Oh, come on, just tell me where!

Right or left?

- Left.
- Left?

- Yes, left.
- Left it is then.

I didn't know unconscious
people can puke.

Yeah, they can. Bon Scott
died choking on his own vomit.

The stomach should be empty now, right?

Alright, right or left?

- Right.
- Right.

- Who was Bon Scott anyway?
- The former singer of AC/DC.

- So, since when do you like AC/DC?
- I don't.

38% alcohol, is that
2 per mille already?

We better be sure.

So that was it?

Yes.

Wanna smoke a joint?

- The crops are in the trunk?
- Yeah, we can take that.

Alright, guys. Narcotics Division.

The Unmasking

I can remember a game
where Mehmet got disqualified.

He really provoked it.

Saw a yellow card
but he just didn't stop.

And when Bayern received a goal,

he just kicked down his opponent from
behind and gets the red card.

And what does Mehmet do?

Mehmet calms down immediately.

He leaves the field without
protest and accepts his punishment.

Cause he just knows that
he went too far this time.

OK.

Now we got a serious problem.

- Open the trunk.
- No. That's a police officer.

Exactly, and if you let
him out we go to jail.

Stop it.

It's through, it's over.
I can't stand this anymore!

Keep calm! Don't panic, first…

Stop it!
First we see what options we have, OK?

Options? What options do we have left?

You're nuts, we're not going to do this.

We agree that we can't hurt him, right?

So we got only one option.

We have to talk to
a professional lawyer.

A judge.

A judge like your father,

who would do everything
to get his son out of this shit.

Completely normal, eh?

I won't do it. I'm not going
in there. We won't do that!

OK, listen.

It's the 90th minute.
We're one goal down.

The damn game is pretty much lost.

We have only one last chance.

If we take that we might
make it to overtime, OK?

Maybe we get a
fucking golden goal.

Then we still have only lost, but you
just want to wait here for the whistle?

I tell you one thing:
Mehmet would have tried.

I don't… I don't…

Are you not getting this?

Don't you get our situation?

We're sitting here.
Back in the trunk is--

and you have the nerves to come up
with a fucking golden goal theory?

Don't you get it that this is
exactly the bullshit that got us here?

What do you mean by that?

I mean all this hanging around.

Talking "stylish" nonsense,
smoking pot all the time…

All that "cool" bullshit.

Listen, we're not cool.
You and me are not cool.

We're two losers hanging
out in a crappy pizzeria.

Dilettantes dealing dope

and having our lives
completely messed up now.

Man, we could have…

We could have killed him.

You… you're not getting it.

You little ignorant loudmouth,
you just don't get it.

You don't get it.

It's…

I just can't believe that I joined
you in your bullshit for all that time.

Did I force you into anything?

You could have left at
any time. No problem.

So don't blame me alone
for all that shit, OK?

You're a coward.

You want to change your
life, why don't you do it?

You're always whining.
Always complaining about things.

About Frank, about Schöngeist,
and how fucked up they are.

You're right, but you know what?

They are fucked up, but with conviction.

And therefore they have a
thousand times more class than you,

because they believe in
what they're doing. And you?

You still sit here whining around
instead of getting up off your ass.

Seems like you're not getting
that. They'll put you away.

Going to jail.

Picture that.

You think daddy will
finally be proud of you then?

Alright, boys. Tell me what happened.

Well…

The pizzeria we work at

is not really about pizza.

It is just a cover.

In fact we sell drugs from there.

- Hash, marihuana, pollen…
- Bioskunk…

Anything.

The customers order on the
phone, and we deliver to their home.

No hard drugs, only cannabis products.

So far we sold…

20 kilo altogether.

I guess.

A few weeks ago an undercover
detective infiltrated our business.

He didn't reveal his cover
cause he wanted to get our sources.

You know what that means?

Wait, that's not the whole truth yet.

Yesterday we took him to the plantation.

After we harvested about 3 kilo weed,

he tried to bust us, in flagranti.

- Wait, there is still more.
- Of course, excuse me.

So when he wanted to
bust us we grabbed him

and put him in the
trunk of my BMW.

And he is still in there now.

And the car is parked
outside in the driveway.

That's it. That's all.

I have an old friend back from
my days as public prosecutor.

And how are you planning
to keep your man quiet?

I threatened him with
disciplinary proceedings.

Suppression of evidence,
unlawful methods…

And if he still talks
nobody will believe him.

You know how many black
sheep we have in our own ranks.

- Again, thank you for everything.
- No problem.

I have kids myself.

The 3 kilo? In the car?

Good.

Four weeks later

He said if he fails his exam
all hell is gonna break loose.

Since then he completely
seals himself off and studies.

I wonder how he is doing.

Gina called a few days
ago and told me that it's over.

She got an American guy now.

That slut.

He didn't keep in touch with you?

You may now start the exam.

Why don't you call him?
He won't tell me a thing.

Want a shottie?

I got to deliver these, OK?

It's weird that I didn't have
to think about my father.

Or about the fact that I now
pick a so-called "choice for life".

No. When I slowly began to like
the idea to just not finish the exam,

I had to think about Kai

and the theories he would have
made up about all these weirdos here.

They will say that I should have planned
my departure a little more spectacularly,

rip up my paper or something.

But that would have been too theatrical.

You should always keep a certain style.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You know, I just happened
to be in the area, so I thought…

That's nice.

Unfortunately I'm
in a bit of a hurry.

Why?

Gotta go home to pack my things.

I want to go to the airport.

Seriously?

Well, I can give you a ride, if you want.

Don't you want to cut it?

- Why?
- Well, why do you think?

I surely wasn't going to eat it.

By the way, you know
what I read the other day?

Eleniak, you know?

She got fired in Baywatch…

only because she was nagging
about Hasselhoff all the time.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- You were wrong, man.
- Alright, OK.

- But I did it with style, right?
- That's right.