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1
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:15,319
¶ Why must I be a teenager in love?
2
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,467
¶ Each time we have a quarrel
3
00:00:18,625 --> 00:00:21,504
¶ it almost breaks my heart
4
00:00:21,761 --> 00:00:24,473
¶ 'Cause I'm so afraid
5
00:00:24,729 --> 00:00:27,206
¶ that we will have to part
6
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:33,470
¶ Each night I ask the stars up above
7
00:00:33,471 --> 00:00:38,763
¶ Why must I be a teenager in love?
8
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,000
¶ Each time we have a quarrel
9
00:00:42,817 --> 00:00:45,288
¶ it almost breaks my heart
10
00:00:45,777 --> 00:00:48,035
¶ 'Cause I'm so afraid
11
00:00:48,710 --> 00:00:51,135
¶ that we will have to part
12
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,040
God in Heaven.
13
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,155
Must be yonks
since he was a teenager.
14
00:00:55,605 --> 00:00:56,557
In or out of love.
15
00:00:57,606 --> 00:00:58,462
Yeah. Well. There you go.
16
00:00:59,315 --> 00:01:01,772
If he keeps this up,
he'll empty the place.
17
00:01:02,948 --> 00:01:05,151
-He can do what he likes, can't he?
-Oh?
18
00:01:05,838 --> 00:01:06,345
Can he?
19
00:01:07,619 --> 00:01:09,070
He is only the bloody owner, enn'e?
20
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:12,170
I mean, it's his place, darling.
21
00:01:12,424 --> 00:01:15,114
¶ if you should say we're through
22
00:01:15,121 --> 00:01:18,306
¶ Well if you want to make me cry
23
00:01:18,884 --> 00:01:21,064
¶ that won't be so hard to do
24
00:01:21,788 --> 00:01:24,149
¶ If you should say goodbye
25
00:01:24,437 --> 00:01:27,335
¶ I'd still go on loving you
26
00:01:27,866 --> 00:01:33,713
¶ Each night I ask the stars up above
27
00:01:33,848 --> 00:01:39,712
¶ Why must I be a teenager in love?
28
00:01:39,812 --> 00:01:42,885
¶ I cried a tear
(1: DINSDAG)
29
00:01:43,005 --> 00:01:45,547
¶ for nobody but you
30
00:01:46,237 --> 00:01:50,949
¶ I'll be a lonely one if you should say we're through
31
00:01:51,307 --> 00:01:57,812
¶ Well if you want to make me cry
that won't be so hard to do
32
00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:01,701
¶ and if you should say goodbye
I'll still go on...
33
00:02:01,708 --> 00:02:02,758
Loving you
34
00:02:04,685 --> 00:02:07,072
On what?
-Sorry?
35
00:02:07,405 --> 00:02:08,277
Oh nothing, I...
36
00:02:09,568 --> 00:02:12,736
This is all a bit undignified, isn't it?
37
00:02:13,315 --> 00:02:16,165
I think I was thinking about something else,
38
00:02:16,239 --> 00:02:20,821
at least...
I hope I was thinking about thinking about something else.
39
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:27,316
Well, Mr Feeld, I'm now going
to insert this soft tube into your rectum.
40
00:02:27,610 --> 00:02:29,754
I'm now definitely thinking about something else,
41
00:02:29,805 --> 00:02:31,677
spare me the guided tour,
please.
42
00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:33,802
Oh, it's not too uncomfortable I assure you.
But...
43
00:02:33,816 --> 00:02:35,697
you'll feel as though you want to defecate,
44
00:02:35,963 --> 00:02:38,797
Needless to say, I'd be extremely grateful if you didn't.
45
00:02:39,261 --> 00:02:43,585
God, no. I've been well and truly purged anyway,
and. Oops. Sorry.
46
00:02:44,004 --> 00:02:45,406
I don't mind coming out that end.
47
00:02:45,419 --> 00:02:48,974
But if you could resist the urge
to -um- OK?
48
00:02:57,763 --> 00:02:58,685
Here it goes.
49
00:03:02,854 --> 00:03:05,111
The liquid barium is going in.
50
00:03:06,698 --> 00:03:08,188
Comfortable?
All right?
51
00:03:09,296 --> 00:03:13,506
You'll be able to see what's going on in your intestines
by looking at that little monitor above...
52
00:03:14,715 --> 00:03:16,658
Not my sort of drama, doctor.
53
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,674
And I didn't play with frog spawn
when I was a kid either.
54
00:03:24,539 --> 00:03:25,923
And on to your tommy.
55
00:03:34,473 --> 00:03:37,190
EACH TIME WE HAVE A QUARREL
56
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,988
IT ALMOST BREAKS MY HEART
57
00:03:40,161 --> 00:03:42,054
He can do what he likes,
can't he?
58
00:03:46,422 --> 00:03:48,467
Could you say that again,
please, sir?
59
00:03:48,653 --> 00:03:50,377
CLA RIJJIS.
60
00:03:50,671 --> 00:03:53,477
No, no. Her adress
here in the United Kingdom.
61
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,806
Her home here.
-What?
62
00:03:57,906 --> 00:03:59,619
In England.
63
00:04:00,025 --> 00:04:01,041
Where does she live?
64
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:05,351
I said. I said.
CLA RIJJIS.
65
00:04:05,749 --> 00:04:09,861
Cla Rijjis. How do you...
66
00:04:10,611 --> 00:04:13,017
Oh, Claridge's? The hotel?
67
00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:16,952
I said. I said. CLA RIJJIS.
-Sorry sir. I'm sorry.
68
00:04:17,598 --> 00:04:20,101
And if I could just have your - um -
69
00:04:20,729 --> 00:04:23,201
your mother's date of birth.
70
00:04:23,301 --> 00:04:25,108
What? What.
What do you say?
71
00:04:25,115 --> 00:04:27,541
Her age sir. Please.
72
00:04:28,256 --> 00:04:29,537
How old is she?
73
00:04:30,092 --> 00:04:31,631
When was she born?
74
00:04:31,902 --> 00:04:34,175
???
75
00:04:34,657 --> 00:04:37,016
???
76
00:04:38,474 --> 00:04:41,824
61. She is 61.
77
00:04:41,924 --> 00:04:43,982
61? Oh, but...
78
00:04:44,082 --> 00:04:48,090
6-1. 6-1.
Sixty bloody one.
79
00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:50,137
That was a great year for St Emilion,
80
00:04:50,144 --> 00:04:52,063
but I should be drunk now, OK?
81
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:53,199
Who in charge here? Eh? Eh?
82
00:04:53,299 --> 00:04:55,912
Well Ben. That wasn't as bad
as my thoughts had made it to be.
83
00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:58,896
My dignity does not, after all,
reside in my bum-hole.
84
00:04:58,996 --> 00:05:01,759
Good. Good. But it took longer
than my thoughts, Daniel.
85
00:05:01,777 --> 00:05:04,257
And I think I'm going to be date for my late.
86
00:05:05,248 --> 00:05:08,961
It was the second bit I didn't like very much.
The barium was fine... well, ish...
87
00:05:09,061 --> 00:05:11,912
but then they go and pump air up your arse.
88
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:16,145
Air? What do you mean air?
- It's to extend the lower bowel or something.
89
00:05:19,212 --> 00:05:21,080
Christ, I thought I was going to float out of there
like the Graf Zepplin.
90
00:05:21,565 --> 00:05:24,126
Wish you had been able to float, Daniel.
91
00:05:24,144 --> 00:05:27,855
Why the heck don't you finally,
finally learn to drive?
92
00:05:27,871 --> 00:05:29,610
Surely it'd make a sot of lense.
93
00:05:29,710 --> 00:05:32,641
Now. Now. Your spoonerisms are showing, Ben!
94
00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:36,626
Look - if I can't call on you,
as my agent,
95
00:05:36,644 --> 00:05:40,042
for the occasional if demeaning bit
of comfort and chauffeuring.
96
00:05:40,050 --> 00:05:44,037
then I'm pretty sure
that there are few other grand literary agents in this town
97
00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:48,670
who would be quite willing to oblige.
And without getting their words back to front!
98
00:05:50,352 --> 00:05:52,262
Dan. Are you all right?
99
00:05:53,317 --> 00:05:55,535
How much did I earn last year, Ben?
100
00:05:55,553 --> 00:06:01,505
Hey now. What's all this. You know very well
I don't mind driving you to something like this
101
00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:05,317
but I mo have a deeting.
- No. Come on. How much? Last year?
102
00:06:05,808 --> 00:06:10,523
488.724,80 pond, bruto.
103
00:06:10,523 --> 00:06:13,178
Jesus Christ on a bike!
104
00:06:13,278 --> 00:06:15,353
And you know it
just like that.
105
00:06:15,371 --> 00:06:19,225
To the pearest nenny. Nearest p-penny.
106
00:06:19,495 --> 00:06:22,509
You know, I had no idea it would be as much as...
107
00:06:22,527 --> 00:06:27,003
When are they going to catch on,
those studios paying for drafts they never actually make... ?
108
00:06:28,498 --> 00:06:29,646
So... let's see...
109
00:06:29,927 --> 00:06:34,732
you yourself, Ben Baglin, you make forty-eight thou...
110
00:06:34,832 --> 00:06:40,482
No, nearly forty-nine thousand pounds in twelve months
from my scratchy old pen, eh?
111
00:06:40,582 --> 00:06:42,346
And then you kick up a fuss about...
-No, you look.
112
00:06:42,446 --> 00:06:46,364
I mean, heavens... I mean, it's not as though
you haven't done it often enough before, now is it?
113
00:06:47,446 --> 00:06:50,907
I don't want to do it with him at all,
thank you very bleed'n much.
114
00:06:52,503 --> 00:06:54,181
But they are speaking my...
115
00:06:55,494 --> 00:06:58,762
It's not as though you got to
keep on doing wiv him, now is it?
116
00:06:58,772 --> 00:07:01,862
I don't wanna do it at all,
fanks very much.
117
00:07:01,962 --> 00:07:06,467
I mean, Christ... I mean,
it's not as though you ain't done it often enough before...
118
00:07:06,477 --> 00:07:09,423
What do you mean?
- Oh, come on Angel
119
00:07:09,441 --> 00:07:12,658
You have done more bleeding blokes than I had bleed'n...
120
00:07:12,668 --> 00:07:15,457
Daniel. Daniel what are you saying here? Come on.
121
00:07:15,557 --> 00:07:16,937
You're joking, right?
122
00:07:16,947 --> 00:07:19,578
They were speaking my lines.
- No, no, no.
123
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,633
It's been happening to me all morning, Ben.
124
00:07:22,471 --> 00:07:28,166
This man burbling on the radio when I woke up...
OK, OK, it was in a different context, yes, all that...
125
00:07:29,193 --> 00:07:32,943
but suddenly he comes out
with an excact same sentence from my Karaoke script.
126
00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:35,523
And then...
- But that is cure poincidence.
127
00:07:35,541 --> 00:07:37,697
And then when I was about
to have the barium enema,
128
00:07:37,715 --> 00:07:39,710
I distinctly heard
129
00:07:39,749 --> 00:07:42,541
the song that begins the whole story...
130
00:07:42,559 --> 00:07:45,927
you know, `Why must I be a...'
-What do you mean, heard?
131
00:07:45,945 --> 00:07:48,340
Like Joan of Arc,
do you mean...
132
00:07:48,358 --> 00:07:53,078
And then afterwards, the nurse,
she... or I thought she...
133
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,675
Oh, what's the point.
134
00:07:57,376 --> 00:08:02,939
All I know is... All I know is...
something very strange is...
135
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,166
You've just been feeling a bit low, Daniel.
136
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:12,350
That stomach ache,
and... forgive me,
137
00:08:12,368 --> 00:08:14,864
but I'll say it just once more,
I promise.
138
00:08:14,882 --> 00:08:17,822
Don't you think you're drinking
just a bit too much?
139
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,392
Drop me here, stop.
- Aw, Daniel, come on...
140
00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:24,277
No, no, it's just that... No.
141
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,314
I've decided not to go
to the cutting room.
142
00:08:26,332 --> 00:08:29,497
This bloody tummy-ache, it's...
143
00:08:29,597 --> 00:08:32,579
No. If you put me down here,
144
00:08:32,597 --> 00:08:35,918
I can beat that one-way system
and cut through to my flat.
145
00:08:35,936 --> 00:08:40,273
I need to lie down for a bit.
Or walk for a bit. Or something..
146
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,668
You want me to call
the cutting room? Or anybody?
147
00:08:54,686 --> 00:08:57,370
I'm seeing flap, flap, rush, rush Anna
for dinner tonight, anyway.
148
00:08:57,388 --> 00:09:00,743
We are going to that brasserie
where they filmed the opening. Yuk.
149
00:09:00,761 --> 00:09:05,433
She'll talks about drink too.
150
00:09:05,451 --> 00:09:07,891
And to as little effect,
I promise you.
151
00:09:27,206 --> 00:09:31,016
¶ Your cheatin' heart
152
00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:34,470
¶ Will make you weep
153
00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:38,567
¶ You'll cry and cry
154
00:09:38,585 --> 00:09:42,138
¶ And try to sleep...
155
00:09:42,156 --> 00:09:45,817
¶ But sleep won't come
156
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,704
¶ The whole night through
157
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:53,546
¶ Your cheatin' heart
158
00:09:55,759 --> 00:09:57,220
¶ Will tell on you
159
00:09:57,238 --> 00:10:00,970
¶ When tears come down
160
00:10:01,029 --> 00:10:03,748
¶ Like falling rain
161
00:10:04,718 --> 00:10:08,236
¶ You'll toss around
162
00:10:08,254 --> 00:10:12,311
¶ And call my name
163
00:10:12,329 --> 00:10:15,814
¶ ... you'll walk the floor
164
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:19,247
¶ The way I do
165
00:10:19,256 --> 00:10:23,683
¶ Your cheatin' heart
166
00:10:23,701 --> 00:10:26,125
¶ Will tell on you
167
00:10:29,117 --> 00:10:31,032
Oh. It's the fan.
168
00:10:32,172 --> 00:10:35,381
Of course.
169
00:10:37,714 --> 00:10:40,358
Sorry, Mr Morse...?
- What?
170
00:10:40,868 --> 00:10:43,444
Sorry, I thought you spoke...
- I ?
171
00:10:43,871 --> 00:10:45,709
No, no. My mistake.
172
00:10:45,727 --> 00:10:48,603
Ah. I see. You think that I
talk to myself, do you?
173
00:10:48,621 --> 00:10:50,694
No Mr Morse. Of course not.
174
00:10:50,713 --> 00:10:52,397
Then why are you hovering?
175
00:10:54,431 --> 00:10:56,885
I just thought you wanted something...
176
00:10:56,903 --> 00:10:58,617
Oh, but I do.
177
00:10:59,583 --> 00:11:03,377
All old men want to call back yesterday.
178
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:10,543
But I don't imagine for one moment
that this establishment could offer up...
179
00:11:10,561 --> 00:11:12,806
Dear God.
180
00:11:30,627 --> 00:11:34,328
I mean... it's not as though you got to
keep on doing it wiv him, now is it?
181
00:11:34,346 --> 00:11:37,067
Don't want to do it with him at all,
fanks bleed'n much.
182
00:11:37,085 --> 00:11:41,533
I mean, Christ...it's not as though
you haven't done it often enough before.
183
00:11:41,551 --> 00:11:44,574
What do you mean?
- Oh. come on, Angel.
184
00:11:44,988 --> 00:11:48,520
You've had more bonks wiv more blokes
than I've had bleed'n Weetabix.
185
00:11:48,538 --> 00:11:52,299
Now look
I've hardly ever never done it for the...
186
00:11:54,495 --> 00:11:55,724
No! Not for the money!
187
00:11:58,361 --> 00:12:01,052
I want a thousand down on
the table before I even...
188
00:12:01,458 --> 00:12:06,061
You've got a bloody cheek, Peter. Sod off!
- Hey. Hey. Watch that lip
189
00:12:09,811 --> 00:12:13,148
No, no, no. I know what you... No.
190
00:12:13,184 --> 00:12:17,045
No. It's very clearly her
we want to see, Ian.
191
00:12:17,081 --> 00:12:19,180
Is it?
- I know it is.
192
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,089
Are you sure?
193
00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:23,778
I know it is. Full stop.
- Fine. Period.
194
00:12:24,090 --> 00:12:26,361
I'm not saying I disagree, Nick
195
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,578
But I think Ian has something of a point when he...
- Who was that?
196
00:12:29,614 --> 00:12:32,426
On the phone.
- Oh, Ben Baglin.
197
00:12:32,462 --> 00:12:35,490
`Back-to-front-Ben'.
Daniel Feeld's agent.
198
00:12:35,516 --> 00:12:38,575
Daniel Feeld. Words never back to front.
199
00:12:38,615 --> 00:12:43,791
In his scripts they are supposedly
in a perfect pre-ordained by Almighty God himself.
200
00:12:43,827 --> 00:12:45,894
Daniel Feeld. The precious bastard.
201
00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:49,174
I.. It seems he can't come to the cutting room
until tomorrow. He is not very...
202
00:12:49,210 --> 00:12:52,478
Thank God for that. Perhaps we can get on a bit at last.
203
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,946
But he'll have his say, you know.
Especially about the music.
204
00:12:55,982 --> 00:13:03,404
Och now... he will! And his funny old agent
will tell you to take a junnig rump.
205
00:14:10,969 --> 00:14:19,942
EEC Counsel Directive
89 stroke 622.
206
00:14:20,945 --> 00:14:24,826
You pig. You indulgent pig.
207
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,494
Obey the EEC! Obey!
208
00:14:45,404 --> 00:14:49,780
Aaaaaagh! The health Police!
209
00:14:53,676 --> 00:14:56,579
I confess.
- Daniel.
210
00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:59,137
Good afternoon. Nigel here.
211
00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:03,527
I've had the plates biked around me,
and I think I can safely tell you what's wrong with you.
212
00:15:03,553 --> 00:15:07,043
Well. Join the queue, Doctor,
it's like a Harrods sale.
213
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:12,203
You are suffering from sigmoid spastic colon, Daniel.
214
00:15:12,257 --> 00:15:15,201
It's these spasms which gave you the pain.
215
00:15:15,255 --> 00:15:18,187
You can actually see what is going on
when you look at the plates.
216
00:15:18,232 --> 00:15:20,620
Anyway, I've got your prescription ready.
217
00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:24,778
I'll have it biked around to Ben's office
and someone there will file it and bring you the pills.
218
00:15:24,832 --> 00:15:28,666
They're called Spasmonal.
Stop the spasms. OK?
219
00:15:31,114 --> 00:15:32,395
And then let's see.
220
00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:35,051
Spastic colon?
221
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:38,139
Is that what you're calling it? Sounds sweet.
222
00:15:38,184 --> 00:15:41,435
Or what is popularly known as IBS...
223
00:15:41,444 --> 00:15:43,310
Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
224
00:15:43,319 --> 00:15:47,226
Use witchever diagnoses
impresses whomsoever the most.
225
00:15:47,235 --> 00:15:49,641
I'm sorry it's not a little more dramatic.
226
00:15:49,650 --> 00:15:53,450
Well, I've known for a long time
that I've got an irritable head syndrome...
227
00:15:54,150 --> 00:15:57,011
But is that all it is?
And what causes it?
228
00:15:57,137 --> 00:15:59,245
In a word, stress.
229
00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:01,897
Fucking nonsense. Stress. Me?
230
00:16:01,933 --> 00:16:05,143
I'm as gentle as the beat of an angel's wings.
231
00:16:45,136 --> 00:16:50,322
The words of the song come up
on the lower half of the screen, in English,
232
00:16:50,358 --> 00:16:52,674
sandwiched by Japanese.
233
00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:59,648
At the same time, from the start,
a male voice is singing badly with an East End accent,
234
00:16:59,684 --> 00:17:05,685
the same words as they march
across the screen, darkening on cue...
235
00:17:07,747 --> 00:17:09,401
Slow dissolve.
236
00:17:10,344 --> 00:17:13,309
¶ I cried a tear
237
00:17:13,346 --> 00:17:16,039
¶ for nobody but you
238
00:17:16,075 --> 00:17:18,559
¶ I'll be a lonely one...
239
00:17:18,595 --> 00:17:21,393
¶ if you should say we're through
240
00:17:21,429 --> 00:17:24,838
¶ Well if you want to make me cry
241
00:17:24,874 --> 00:17:27,623
¶ that won't be so hard to do
242
00:17:27,659 --> 00:17:30,974
¶ and if you should say goodbye
243
00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:33,871
¶ I'll still go on loving you
244
00:17:33,907 --> 00:17:40,013
¶ Each night I ask the stars up above
245
00:17:40,049 --> 00:17:45,950
¶ Why must I be a teenager in love?
246
00:17:45,986 --> 00:17:49,318
¶ I cried a tear
247
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,689
¶ for nobody but you
248
00:17:51,725 --> 00:17:55,702
I'll be a lonely one if you should say...
249
00:17:55,738 --> 00:18:00,802
What? Oh yes. That song...
250
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,843
The song at the start of Karaoke.
251
00:18:05,637 --> 00:18:07,811
The baptismal bounce.
252
00:18:07,864 --> 00:18:10,971
Well... yes.
- What do you mean?
253
00:18:11,079 --> 00:18:14,758
Aren't you sure, Ms Producer?
- Sure?
254
00:18:14,839 --> 00:18:19,607
Hey, babe. What's that steak made off?
Asbestos. Cork. What?
255
00:18:19,617 --> 00:18:23,833
Maybe. Or my brain.
- Your what?
256
00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:27,307
You live alone, don't you, Daniel?
257
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:32,800
No wife, no misstres.
258
00:18:33,281 --> 00:18:38,850
The occasional sleazy and
all but commercial sneeze-like bonk,
259
00:18:38,860 --> 00:18:42,283
preferably with someone
who has more to lose than I have.
260
00:18:42,293 --> 00:18:45,492
No children. No commitments. No cleaner.
261
00:18:45,502 --> 00:18:51,596
And, please note,
and a capacity for minding my own business.
262
00:18:51,696 --> 00:18:55,675
Well, that's all very nice.
- Except?
263
00:18:55,685 --> 00:18:58,242
Except it makes you forget
how to talk to people.
264
00:18:58,252 --> 00:19:00,648
And how to treat your colleagues.
265
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:07,753
Or even how to be even halfway polite.
- But it was a crucial, comic opening song in my script, Anna...
266
00:19:07,763 --> 00:19:10,013
Where we first see that sleazy place,
267
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,539
and Arthur Mallion bellowing the words so badly.
268
00:19:12,549 --> 00:19:18,401
`Pig' Mallion, the blackmailer, the real, foul-mouthed heavy.
269
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:22,985
Why do they do it, restaurants?
270
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,872
Muzak, or whatever?
271
00:19:24,882 --> 00:19:28,613
To fill the empty and divert the bored.
272
00:19:28,623 --> 00:19:30,765
What else? Showbiz. Essence off.
273
00:19:30,775 --> 00:19:32,874
I usually manage to shut it out.
274
00:19:32,884 --> 00:19:38,162
I mean, if you let background music get to you,
you'd hardly ever be able to eat out at all.
275
00:19:38,172 --> 00:19:41,229
They even do it in funeral parlours nowadays.
276
00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:47,071
`On the Sunny Side of the Street' or... um...
`Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries'. Eh?
277
00:19:47,897 --> 00:19:52,121
Each night I ask the stars up above,
278
00:19:53,232 --> 00:19:57,335
why must I be a teenager in love?
279
00:20:00,028 --> 00:20:04,143
Too on the nose.
- That's the point. Smack on the schnoz, my love.
280
00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:06,551
No, I mean to be really funny, or...
281
00:20:07,398 --> 00:20:10,843
And it just sort of lies there, that song.
282
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:14,087
Nick isn't... well, you know what Nick's like...
283
00:20:14,187 --> 00:20:15,601
But he isn't happy with it.
284
00:20:15,611 --> 00:20:17,532
Aaa, poor lickle ting!
285
00:20:17,632 --> 00:20:20,126
And he wants to change it.
- Well, he can't.
286
00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:22,913
And in any case he's alresdy shot it.
287
00:20:23,501 --> 00:20:26,361
It was on one of those bloody awful
casettes you sent me.
288
00:20:26,461 --> 00:20:29,329
He shot an alternative version.
- He what?
289
00:20:29,339 --> 00:20:31,658
He's... Daniel, it's not a bad choice as such...
290
00:20:31,758 --> 00:20:33,375
same sort of...
291
00:20:33,385 --> 00:20:36,523
He's used `Your Cheatin'Heart'.
The Hank Williams number. And it...
292
00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:38,019
Wait there.
293
00:20:39,713 --> 00:20:41,604
Don't move.
294
00:20:44,749 --> 00:20:46,541
... and that was what he said.
295
00:20:46,551 --> 00:20:49,276
God, I was in stitches!
- Hurry up.
296
00:20:49,286 --> 00:20:53,106
`Wot? Wot'? he said. `All bloody right then,' he said.
297
00:20:53,116 --> 00:20:56,206
What do you call a fish
that hasn't got an eye...
298
00:20:56,216 --> 00:20:57,682
Are you going to be long?
299
00:20:57,692 --> 00:20:59,514
Oh, God, Annie... wait for it...
300
00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:01,480
I said are you...
301
00:21:01,490 --> 00:21:05,238
It's a fish. Get it? A fish. No ``i'', see.
302
00:21:12,222 --> 00:21:16,547
Oh, shit.
- ...Listen to her.
303
00:21:44,422 --> 00:21:47,306
REALITY ... OR NOTHING
304
00:21:56,360 --> 00:22:00,217
At last! Ben... what the... Ben, this is Daniel...
305
00:22:00,227 --> 00:22:03,228
What the hell are you doing, man?
- Doing? Doing?
306
00:22:03,238 --> 00:22:08,367
I'm up to my neck in scripts as usual,
what do you think I'm ducking fooing?
307
00:22:08,377 --> 00:22:11,624
Well, you certainly take half a decade to answer!
The point is this...
308
00:22:11,634 --> 00:22:15,922
that snotty, chinless bastard Nick Balmer
309
00:22:15,932 --> 00:22:18,772
has taken it in into his puffed-up
apology for a head
310
00:22:18,782 --> 00:22:21,594
to tamper with Karaoke, and I want you
311
00:22:21,604 --> 00:22:25,573
straight at once! Ben! I want you...
- Is everything all right madam?
312
00:22:25,583 --> 00:22:29,019
Oh, yes. Splendid, thank you.
Dinner with a lunatic.
313
00:22:29,029 --> 00:22:31,846
It's part of the community care programme.
314
00:22:37,362 --> 00:22:40,871
Well, we'll soon have
that sorted out. I hope.
315
00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:44,174
Daniel. For Christ sake.
- Oh. You haven't finished eating, have you?
316
00:22:44,274 --> 00:22:49,371
Didn't you like it, or... Hey.
And your glass is empty! I'm sorry.
317
00:22:49,381 --> 00:22:53,560
Oh God. Haven't you had enough already?
- I knew you'd say that.
318
00:22:59,258 --> 00:23:04,457
I'm sorry. Look.
I'm not the sort of writer
319
00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:11,307
who thinks that his words on the page
are some kind of holy writ in tablets of stone.
320
00:23:11,317 --> 00:23:16,313
No? Well then...
put down your chisel.
321
00:23:31,348 --> 00:23:35,527
This is... weird. Sort of creepy.
- How do you mean?
322
00:23:35,537 --> 00:23:37,807
Well, I felt a bit unsettled
eating here in the first place.
323
00:23:37,817 --> 00:23:40,060
Your choice, fella.
324
00:23:40,070 --> 00:23:47,251
I mean, the place where you lot
filmed on that Sunday all those months ago.
325
00:23:47,351 --> 00:23:51,989
The self-same place. And here they are playing
the first song in the script.
326
00:23:51,999 --> 00:23:57,008
And it will be, Anna.
It will be!
327
00:23:59,457 --> 00:24:01,985
I don't like the song, of course,
328
00:24:02,085 --> 00:24:06,017
but I hate the other one...
and it doesn't have the same resona...
329
00:24:07,770 --> 00:24:10,709
What is the matter?
330
00:24:11,084 --> 00:24:17,095
Oh. It's the fan.
- Daniel.
331
00:24:17,105 --> 00:24:20,359
The fan... reflected on the top of the...
332
00:24:21,528 --> 00:24:27,210
For a moment I thought I was getting a message
from somewhere else... or...
333
00:24:27,220 --> 00:24:31,760
or... the way the...
on the surface of the...
334
00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:35,764
Daniel. Why are you repeating
your own lines?
335
00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:47,823
Am I? Yes. I...
Oh, this stomach. God in heaven.
336
00:24:48,785 --> 00:24:54,740
Speaking my own lines?
Well... isn't that rather the point?
337
00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:57,724
Isn't that what my script's about?
Karaoke!
338
00:24:57,734 --> 00:24:59,600
As a metaphor, I mean.
339
00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:03,592
The music's written and performed by someone else
340
00:25:03,602 --> 00:25:07,503
and there's this pidding little space left
341
00:25:07,603 --> 00:25:10,992
for you to sing yourself,
but only to their lyrics,
342
00:25:11,002 --> 00:25:13,621
their timing, it's a feeling that...
343
00:25:14,853 --> 00:25:18,439
Dan. Are you all right?
344
00:25:19,066 --> 00:25:25,697
The fee...
The feeling that...
345
00:25:25,707 --> 00:25:33,474
what we hear... see... think that what is so...
say out of there. In front of us...
346
00:25:33,474 --> 00:25:40,147
the way we feel it's somehow or other
been arranged in advance by... by...
347
00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:45,057
Oh, I don't know how to call it...
- Paranoia?
348
00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:58,261
I've always longed to be
an artsy-fartsy arsehole, Anna,
349
00:25:58,271 --> 00:26:00,959
which is why I want to work for the Arts Council
350
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:08,781
or that magazine, what is it?
Sight and Sound. I'd make a...
351
00:26:17,812 --> 00:26:19,432
It's straight out of it...
352
00:26:20,569 --> 00:26:22,494
it's the second page of my...
353
00:26:23,807 --> 00:26:25,188
What's happening here?
354
00:26:25,288 --> 00:26:28,147
Just... look, hang about a sec.
355
00:26:28,157 --> 00:26:30,782
If you just hold your bleed'n horses a minute.
356
00:26:30,882 --> 00:26:32,512
I don't...
357
00:26:32,612 --> 00:26:35,674
`If you just hold your bleed'n horses a minute...'
358
00:26:35,774 --> 00:26:39,595
What?
- Look... is this some sort of set-up...
359
00:26:39,695 --> 00:26:42,351
Are you lot trying out a joke on me,
or what?
360
00:26:42,361 --> 00:26:44,606
Daniel? What on earth are you on about?
361
00:26:44,616 --> 00:26:46,676
They are speaking my lines.
362
00:26:46,686 --> 00:26:48,969
Now look, Sandra!
- No! You look.
363
00:26:49,069 --> 00:26:52,663
I mean, it's not as though you haven't done it
often enough before, now is it?
364
00:26:52,763 --> 00:26:55,755
I don't want to do it with him at all,
thank you very bleed'n much.
365
00:26:55,855 --> 00:27:02,004
Christ, I mean... it's not as though you ain't done it
often enough before, honey.
366
00:27:02,014 --> 00:27:05,996
What do you mean?
- What I mean? Blimey. Wake up!
367
00:27:07,084 --> 00:27:10,929
You've had more blokes than I've had bleed'n...
- Weetabix.
368
00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:14,029
I've never hardly ever never done it for the...
No! Not for money!
369
00:27:14,129 --> 00:27:17,363
What do you think I am?
370
00:27:17,463 --> 00:27:19,914
I'd want a thousand on the table before I even...
371
00:27:20,014 --> 00:27:23,130
You've got a bloody cheek, Peter.
Sod off!
372
00:27:23,230 --> 00:27:26,373
Hey. Hey.
Watch that lip.
373
00:27:29,264 --> 00:27:31,183
I'm sorry, love... I...
374
00:27:32,572 --> 00:27:37,947
I thought for a minute there I thought that
those two... over there... you see?...
375
00:27:41,483 --> 00:27:43,286
They are too far away, aren't they?
376
00:27:43,790 --> 00:27:45,597
Can you hear what they're saying?
377
00:27:46,133 --> 00:27:47,301
Anna? Can you?
378
00:27:47,737 --> 00:27:49,956
Your speech is gettig slurred.
Do you know that?
379
00:27:49,966 --> 00:27:51,669
Anna! Can you hear what they're saying!
380
00:27:51,679 --> 00:27:54,935
Of course I can't. And why would I even want to,
for heaven's sakes?
381
00:27:55,874 --> 00:27:59,890
Daniel. Please.
Surely you've had enough.
382
00:28:01,173 --> 00:28:04,317
And it can't be doing
that stomach of yours much good.
383
00:28:04,327 --> 00:28:06,626
Haven't they told you that, the doctors?
384
00:28:06,636 --> 00:28:08,799
Why don't you look at me
when I am talking to you?
385
00:28:09,418 --> 00:28:12,497
What the hell's going on
in that pretty little head? Eh?
386
00:28:13,365 --> 00:28:15,659
That guy. Keeps staring at me.
387
00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:18,862
What. Him?
388
00:28:20,024 --> 00:28:21,404
He's nothing.
389
00:28:21,504 --> 00:28:23,909
And you should be used
to all that by now.
390
00:28:23,919 --> 00:28:27,721
You're something you are, Sandra.
Real special.
391
00:28:27,731 --> 00:28:30,743
No, all the time...
eyes sticking out of his head.
392
00:28:30,965 --> 00:28:34,722
So long as he's not
from your actual Customs and Excise...
393
00:28:35,526 --> 00:28:39,038
Nah. Nah. Looks to intelligent.
394
00:28:39,138 --> 00:28:43,312
You'd think I was in the bleed'n
Top Shop window or something.
395
00:28:43,322 --> 00:28:46,982
I've had enough of this!
- Hey! None of that!
396
00:28:48,340 --> 00:28:51,243
You dragged up
in a pigsty or what?
397
00:28:51,343 --> 00:28:53,678
I'll assume service is included?
398
00:28:53,778 --> 00:28:56,138
Oh, but... but...
Anna. That was my invite...
399
00:28:56,148 --> 00:28:59,262
You're not here, Daniel.
You're off on some other planet.
400
00:28:59,272 --> 00:29:02,105
The one you can only see
through the bottom of a bottle.
401
00:29:02,515 --> 00:29:05,582
Come on! Eh? Get yourself home
and sleep it off.
402
00:29:05,592 --> 00:29:08,765
You're due in the cutting room tomorrow,
and I'd like your head clear.
403
00:29:08,775 --> 00:29:10,804
Yeah. To assess the mess.
404
00:29:10,904 --> 00:29:11,549
What mess?
405
00:29:11,559 --> 00:29:12,666
Hah?
- No. What mess?
406
00:29:12,676 --> 00:29:14,625
Thank you ver' much. I hope you enjoy.
407
00:29:14,635 --> 00:29:16,604
Come again please.
408
00:29:18,228 --> 00:29:22,442
We all know what Nick's like... but I think he's done
a pretty good job on your script, Daniel.
409
00:29:22,452 --> 00:29:24,518
He's too arrogant! It's that twit-twit bray!
410
00:29:24,528 --> 00:29:26,626
That uppah uppah class thing,
411
00:29:26,627 --> 00:29:29,378
cousin-or-something of the Queen thing.
412
00:29:29,388 --> 00:29:32,912
A trenchful of blue shite.
- Must go, Daniel.
413
00:29:32,922 --> 00:29:35,895
It's my work, my sweat,
he's fucking up!
414
00:29:35,995 --> 00:29:39,350
I'm not going to be knocked down
by his bloody Rolls Royce!
415
00:29:39,450 --> 00:29:41,055
There's a long way to go yet.
416
00:29:41,155 --> 00:29:43,932
Lots of things happen in the cutting room,
as you well know.
417
00:29:44,255 --> 00:29:46,100
You didn't bother
to come on location once,
418
00:29:46,110 --> 00:29:49,920
and you've only seen a few rushes on casette,
so why don't you wait and...
419
00:29:51,994 --> 00:29:54,076
And anyway you don't mean half of this.
420
00:29:54,086 --> 00:29:56,015
You 're drunk, Dan.
It's gibberish.
421
00:29:56,025 --> 00:29:58,380
It's more tiredness than the...
422
00:29:58,390 --> 00:30:02,855
And deep disappointment,
I'm sorry to say...
423
00:30:02,955 --> 00:30:05,609
deep, deep disapp...
424
00:30:05,619 --> 00:30:07,293
...Aeh... Hang on!
425
00:30:07,862 --> 00:30:11,448
Anna! Anna!
426
00:30:18,464 --> 00:30:20,555
Anna!
427
00:30:22,692 --> 00:30:26,594
That girl in my Karaoke...
God. She has such a horrible death, doesn't she?
428
00:30:26,604 --> 00:30:30,547
Will I see any of that in the cutting room tomorrow?
The killing?
429
00:30:30,557 --> 00:30:32,706
We're still on the first reel.
Of course not.
430
00:30:32,716 --> 00:30:35,592
The poor girl. It's such
a horrible way to die.
431
00:30:38,020 --> 00:30:40,538
Why can you never get
a taxi when it's raining?
432
00:30:40,548 --> 00:30:42,691
Oh, but you can if you've got an umbrella...
433
00:30:42,701 --> 00:30:45,791
Rucking fain, as Ben'd say...
434
00:30:45,801 --> 00:30:48,342
Half a mo'... didn't I have an umbrella?
435
00:30:48,442 --> 00:30:50,354
When `why must I be a teen...
436
00:30:50,454 --> 00:30:54,846
Oh, no. That was the old man
in my... um... my...
437
00:30:58,118 --> 00:30:59,689
Here's one!
438
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:04,281
Do you want a lift... ?
Daniel?
439
00:31:12,278 --> 00:31:14,339
No. Don't go!
440
00:31:14,900 --> 00:31:17,947
Anna! Wait! Wait... !
441
00:31:21,140 --> 00:31:24,603
Shall I stop?
- No, thank you. Not on your bloody life!
442
00:31:25,817 --> 00:31:28,634
And there is this guy... `Listen,' he says.
443
00:31:28,734 --> 00:31:31,474
`He's got one hell of a serious condition. Fatal!'
444
00:31:31,574 --> 00:31:36,840
And I am thinking, God, no,
do you mean Aids or the big C or...
445
00:31:36,850 --> 00:31:39,845
Worse, ' he said. `He's undercapitalized!'
446
00:31:53,903 --> 00:31:57,598
He should press his conk
up against a drug store window.
447
00:32:17,185 --> 00:32:23,577
`And then the groteskly patterned tie
comes over his head and around her throat.
448
00:32:24,147 --> 00:32:30,199
She thinks at first that it is some other kind of game
in the manner she had come to expect from him.
449
00:32:31,247 --> 00:32:34,296
But then the choking begins'
450
00:32:42,253 --> 00:32:45,695
My God. There's some bloody lunatics about,
Mr Balmer.
451
00:32:45,795 --> 00:32:48,831
You don't know how exactly right you are,
for once.
452
00:32:48,931 --> 00:32:52,585
Sorry?
- Well, it so happens that that particular lunatic was My Writer.
453
00:32:52,685 --> 00:32:56,481
I would have given you a bonus
if you'd flattened the cocky little bugger...
454
00:32:56,581 --> 00:33:00,418
And I've doubled it had you reversed back
over whatever was left of him!
455
00:33:00,428 --> 00:33:02,992
Squishy guts. A great sound.
456
00:33:03,566 --> 00:33:06,228
Sounds good to me.
Will I get another go at it, sir?
457
00:33:06,328 --> 00:33:07,864
I'll make sure you do, Tom.
458
00:33:12,331 --> 00:33:13,256
Come on.
459
00:33:13,899 --> 00:33:14,748
Come on.
460
00:33:15,894 --> 00:33:17,741
It's only a story.
461
00:33:21,203 --> 00:33:22,522
A... story.
462
00:33:38,111 --> 00:33:41,152
I know this is the second time
I've changed my mind...
463
00:33:41,252 --> 00:33:42,815
Don't matter a bit to me, miss.
464
00:33:42,825 --> 00:33:46,028
B'if you could wait here. I shouldn't be longer
than fifteen minutes at the most.
465
00:33:46,038 --> 00:33:49,094
As long as you like, love.
- And then take me to where I first said, Muswell Hill.
466
00:33:49,104 --> 00:33:51,973
Couldn't be better. That's my neck of the woods,
and then I'm done. - Okay.
467
00:34:07,403 --> 00:34:09,681
¶ When tears dum dee.
468
00:34:10,864 --> 00:34:13,026
¶ Like ralling fain.
469
00:34:14,229 --> 00:34:16,126
¶ You'll dum dee dum.
470
00:34:18,339 --> 00:34:20,435
¶ And tall my came... !
471
00:34:23,587 --> 00:34:25,227
No!
472
00:34:25,628 --> 00:34:29,118
He'll be very, very cross with me, my dear.
473
00:34:29,218 --> 00:34:32,218
I shall be made to go to bed early.
474
00:34:32,318 --> 00:34:35,318
Oh, but I'm sure...
475
00:34:36,303 --> 00:34:38,983
Mother! No! What have I always said?
476
00:34:39,083 --> 00:34:40,498
Mother! How could...
477
00:34:41,371 --> 00:34:45,427
Anna! You really, really...
- She's a nice girl, Ben.
478
00:34:45,437 --> 00:34:49,087
Bo to ged!
- I'm going. I'm going.
479
00:34:49,830 --> 00:34:52,584
A nice girl. Nice, nice girl.
480
00:34:56,788 --> 00:35:01,715
That's what you should be
thinking of, Ben! Ben... !
481
00:35:06,487 --> 00:35:10,612
Oh dear. I...
- This is my leasure hour.
482
00:35:10,712 --> 00:35:14,081
My private time.
- Yes, I'm...
483
00:35:14,091 --> 00:35:22,863
Oh, God. I'm sorry to barge in on you like this,
but I've just been with your client Daniel Feeld, and I...
484
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:30,789
My, my nephew... what!
Ah! My youngest sister's youngest boy.
485
00:35:30,799 --> 00:35:34,365
She won't let him... so I... well...
during the day, you know...
486
00:35:34,375 --> 00:35:38,608
I'm out, after all... So I...
- But isn't it wonderful.
487
00:35:39,111 --> 00:35:41,013
Is it?
488
00:35:41,023 --> 00:35:46,351
The boy must be a genius, it's so...
489
00:35:47,545 --> 00:35:52,870
Really, Ben. This is something
I am very glad to have seen.
490
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:56,877
I thought all these sort of things,
all those sort of skills had...
491
00:35:56,977 --> 00:36:00,411
gone with the wind!
- Well. Yes. I know what you...
492
00:36:02,095 --> 00:36:07,056
I must admit I'm sometimes tempted
to hend a land on it myself...
493
00:36:07,156 --> 00:36:12,882
Pardon?
- Lend a hand! Lend a hand!
494
00:36:12,982 --> 00:36:15,910
You know I have this pittle troblem know and then?
495
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,682
Usually when agitated.
- I...
496
00:36:18,782 --> 00:36:26,187
Yes, Ben. But everyone thinks it's rather endearing,
if you'll forgive me saying so.
497
00:36:26,287 --> 00:36:33,002
I... and I'm truly sorry to have caused you any...
um... agitation by baring in like this...
498
00:36:33,102 --> 00:36:39,525
She's been fine up until about
eighteen months ago, my dear old Ma...
499
00:36:39,535 --> 00:36:43,906
Eighty-seven years old.
Been all around the world in all sorts of conditions,
500
00:36:43,916 --> 00:36:48,536
and never once been in hospital.
My Father was a colonel, y'see.
501
00:36:48,636 --> 00:36:53,017
Army. No... fit as a fiddle, old Ma.
502
00:36:53,027 --> 00:36:56,117
Didn't even go into hospital when I came along.
503
00:36:56,217 --> 00:36:59,217
I was born on the lack of a borry. Uh...
504
00:36:59,317 --> 00:37:04,716
But nowadays, I'm afraid,
the old head has sort of packed in a bit.
505
00:37:04,726 --> 00:37:08,131
Well, there you are, there you are.
506
00:37:08,231 --> 00:37:11,746
What did you want to see me about, Anna?
507
00:37:11,756 --> 00:37:14,495
Kucking Faraoke, I suppose.
508
00:37:32,889 --> 00:37:35,187
It was only drizzling when we came into that dump.
509
00:37:35,197 --> 00:37:36,992
Now look at it! Pissing down.
510
00:37:36,999 --> 00:37:39,366
You got a real nice way
of putting things, I'll give that.
511
00:37:39,367 --> 00:37:42,417
Up you.
- I mean, a bloke could take you anywhere.
512
00:37:42,418 --> 00:37:44,457
Well, my hair will get soacked.
513
00:37:44,458 --> 00:37:47,893
Moan, moan. Christ,
you've only got to walk a few yards.
514
00:37:47,894 --> 00:37:51,824
You haven't got enough up top
to worry about, haveya? Outside or in.
515
00:37:51,834 --> 00:37:53,488
Hey!
- Well it's right.
516
00:37:53,498 --> 00:37:56,361
Here. Have my bloody coat, willya!
517
00:37:56,362 --> 00:37:59,321
Put it over your head and shut up.
- Ta.
518
00:38:07,683 --> 00:38:11,565
... and I was just so worried.
He's obviously not very well,
519
00:38:11,575 --> 00:38:15,661
and there's going to be such a terrible blow-up
when he finally does come to the cutting room.
520
00:38:15,671 --> 00:38:17,736
I dread it.
521
00:38:17,836 --> 00:38:20,836
And I think it's going to threaten
the show, Ben. Really.
522
00:38:20,846 --> 00:38:24,438
Nick Balmer is not my client, thank God...
523
00:38:24,448 --> 00:38:27,307
but I've had previous dealings, my girl,
524
00:38:27,317 --> 00:38:31,001
and he can be a very, very pifficut derson.
525
00:38:31,011 --> 00:38:35,330
Dear old Dan, whom I dearly love,
in case you doubt it...
526
00:38:35,340 --> 00:38:38,430
well, he's only half of your problem, if that.
527
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,257
You'll have to be the boxing referee
528
00:38:41,267 --> 00:38:45,167
who gets a right hook from one
and an upper-cut from t'other.
529
00:38:45,177 --> 00:38:49,848
Be strong. And wear metal underwear, eh?
530
00:38:50,846 --> 00:38:57,443
The trouble is, I'm not in a very strong position
on this project, to be absolutely honest.
531
00:38:57,453 --> 00:39:01,972
Yes. I know that, my dear.
Very awkward for you.
532
00:39:01,982 --> 00:39:05,119
It's not easy to step up
from being a line producer...
533
00:39:05,129 --> 00:39:09,445
You see, Nick has invested nearly three-quarters
of a million pounds of his own loot in the film.
534
00:39:09,455 --> 00:39:12,864
He owns the script...
- With certain contractual restraints.
535
00:39:12,874 --> 00:39:14,531
Of course. But what I'm saying is...
536
00:39:14,541 --> 00:39:17,993
What you're saying is
that Nick Balmer is appointed you
537
00:39:18,003 --> 00:39:20,788
and make damned sure
that in the last resort you...
538
00:39:20,798 --> 00:39:22,868
do... what... he... wants.
539
00:39:22,968 --> 00:39:25,277
He who fays the piddler.
- Oh,
540
00:39:27,179 --> 00:39:32,836
Yes.
You're dead right, of course.
541
00:39:33,484 --> 00:39:35,936
I may well have to resign...
542
00:39:36,036 --> 00:39:42,235
throw it all up.
Walk off into what won't be a sunset.
543
00:39:42,245 --> 00:39:47,418
No, no, no. Hang on in there.
Do what you can. Come on.
544
00:39:47,428 --> 00:39:50,365
You know this business
almost as well as I do.
545
00:39:50,375 --> 00:39:52,382
It's as tightly packed
as a bolf gall
546
00:39:52,392 --> 00:39:56,711
with idiots, charlatans,
strutting egoists, flundering bools!
547
00:39:56,811 --> 00:40:02,560
So. - So?
- So... you'll meet him? Yeah?
548
00:40:02,570 --> 00:40:05,618
At least meet him.
Wontcha!
549
00:40:06,332 --> 00:40:11,551
And it's a real nice hotel, love. Sandra!
- What?
550
00:40:11,561 --> 00:40:16,175
You're a bitch! A real bitch!
- But what do I get out of it? You tell me that?
551
00:40:16,185 --> 00:40:19,541
It's not what you get, Angel.
It's what you don't get!
552
00:40:19,641 --> 00:40:24,207
Whatchewmean?
- You don't get that clip round the ear'ole for a start, my girl.
553
00:40:24,217 --> 00:40:28,937
And you won't be needing no work off
of no plastic surgeon, willya?
554
00:40:29,037 --> 00:40:32,004
Got to save her, I've got to...
rewrite,
555
00:40:32,104 --> 00:40:37,325
or... or...
New lines!
556
00:41:05,724 --> 00:41:09,234
No. I've got my own reason for working here.
And it's a very special one.
557
00:41:09,244 --> 00:41:11,812
What is it then? Come on? What?
- Never you mind!
558
00:41:12,246 --> 00:41:15,884
I know what goes on in there.
God Almighty!
559
00:41:15,894 --> 00:41:18,965
You know damned well it's just
a posh sort of knocking-shop!
560
00:41:18,975 --> 00:41:22,289
Ha! That's what you think!
You got no bloody idea at all!
561
00:41:23,661 --> 00:41:25,093
Bastard.
562
00:41:25,103 --> 00:41:27,490
You shit!
563
00:41:45,406 --> 00:41:51,467
¶ How much is that doggie in the window? Arf, arf
564
00:41:51,477 --> 00:41:56,525
¶ The one with the waggly tail
565
00:41:56,625 --> 00:42:02,332
¶ How much is that doggie in the window? Arf, arf
566
00:42:02,342 --> 00:42:04,793
¶ I do'hope that doggie's for sale
567
00:42:07,913 --> 00:42:12,865
¶ I must take a trip to California
568
00:42:13,689 --> 00:42:19,248
¶ And leave my poor sweetheart alone
569
00:42:19,348 --> 00:42:24,418
¶ If he has a dog he won't be lonely
570
00:42:24,518 --> 00:42:28,610
¶ And the doggie will have a good home
571
00:42:29,966 --> 00:42:31,710
Happy ending!
572
00:42:31,810 --> 00:42:39,605
Happy ending! Must...
write... a happy ending!
573
00:42:40,133 --> 00:42:44,126
Got to help her!
Got to save her!
574
00:42:44,226 --> 00:42:47,245
¶ In the window? Arf, arf
575
00:42:47,255 --> 00:42:51,663
¶ I do'hope that doggie's for sale
576
00:42:52,715 --> 00:42:57,245
¶ How much is that doggie in the window?
577
00:42:57,345 --> 00:43:01,717
Well, hi! It's still raining then!
578
00:43:01,817 --> 00:43:06,838
How's about a nice dry champagne?
- Um. Well, OK. Yes.
579
00:43:06,938 --> 00:43:10,262
Would you like it brought over
to one of the alcoves over there?
580
00:43:10,272 --> 00:43:12,918
It's much more comfy and one of the young ladies...
- No.
581
00:43:13,018 --> 00:43:16,921
No? Oh, but you'll be so much...
- I'll just stand here, thanks.
582
00:43:17,021 --> 00:43:19,194
I'm not going to stay very long.
583
00:43:19,294 --> 00:43:23,966
I presume I'm allowed to do that.
And I'm very fond of dogs.
584
00:43:24,066 --> 00:43:27,486
You can do what you like.
That's the whole point darling.
585
00:43:27,586 --> 00:43:30,625
So, just relax, OK?
586
00:43:30,635 --> 00:43:35,793
Thanks. I'll just crack my knuckles
in rythm, from time to time.
587
00:43:45,807 --> 00:43:49,259
They all somehow sort of look
the bloody same, don't they?
588
00:43:49,269 --> 00:43:52,780
Yeah. Scumbags.
- It's wet...
589
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,413
might not be many in,
that's the trouble.
590
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,953
And he looks too pissed to try a poke.
591
00:44:09,181 --> 00:44:14,872
Hi! My name is Angie. I was looking at you...
- No.
592
00:44:18,041 --> 00:44:23,121
Hi, I'm Angie. I was looking at you
when you came in and I fought, he's...
593
00:44:23,131 --> 00:44:25,772
Who?
- Sorry?
594
00:44:26,580 --> 00:44:27,885
Who did you fight?
595
00:44:30,626 --> 00:44:34,060
What are you laughing at, then?
- I've used that line before.
596
00:44:34,654 --> 00:44:36,602
Pardon?
- But so have you...
597
00:44:36,702 --> 00:44:39,333
Look... I'm only trying to be...
- Go away.
598
00:44:39,433 --> 00:44:40,418
What... ?
599
00:44:41,072 --> 00:44:45,609
No. Please. I know you're only doing your...
600
00:44:45,709 --> 00:44:48,041
but... I've got this... this...
601
00:44:48,425 --> 00:44:51,780
Don't know whether my head's in my belly
or my belly's in my head.
602
00:44:51,790 --> 00:44:53,421
They're both a fucking mess.
603
00:44:53,521 --> 00:44:55,408
Christ.
604
00:44:55,508 --> 00:45:00,718
So if you'll leave me be.
605
00:45:00,818 --> 00:45:03,185
Oh, all right then. Cheers.
606
00:45:07,392 --> 00:45:11,026
Perhaps you'd rather have
a nice little chat with one of the others...
607
00:45:12,339 --> 00:45:15,954
No. I only came in...
608
00:45:21,054 --> 00:45:27,058
Lovely. Isn't she.
I... Yes. Yes she is. Very lovely.
609
00:45:27,995 --> 00:45:29,950
Even in that garb.
610
00:45:37,248 --> 00:45:40,655
... and with a face like a fucking bent fiddle!
611
00:45:40,665 --> 00:45:43,755
I'm sorry, Mr Mailion, but I just had this row
with my boyfriend as was and...
612
00:45:43,765 --> 00:45:49,249
I don't give a pint of horse piss
for your private life, my gal.
613
00:45:49,259 --> 00:45:51,373
This is where you get paid
614
00:45:51,383 --> 00:45:56,012
this is where you should bring
your pretty little arse on time
615
00:45:56,112 --> 00:45:58,093
and this is where
616
00:45:59,070 --> 00:46:06,856
you-should-crack-your-fucking-fizzog-
in-a-fucking-smile. Right?
617
00:46:07,612 --> 00:46:08,686
Right.
618
00:46:09,914 --> 00:46:11,862
Excuse me, Mr Mailion.
619
00:46:11,872 --> 00:46:14,358
But the gentleman down there
at the other end of the bar
620
00:46:14,458 --> 00:46:16,269
would like to have a drink with Sandra.
621
00:46:19,418 --> 00:46:21,475
What?
622
00:46:23,149 --> 00:46:26,016
Dom fucking Perignon, right?
623
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,240
Such a horrible way to...
624
00:46:51,875 --> 00:46:55,234
Hi! I was looking at you when you came in
and I fought...
625
00:46:55,244 --> 00:46:58,687
You fought?
- Beg pardon?
626
00:46:58,697 --> 00:47:01,376
These lines keep cropping up.
The same lines...
627
00:47:01,476 --> 00:47:05,498
I mean... you'd...
like a drink? Please?
628
00:47:06,071 --> 00:47:09,425
Well, thanks very much... yeah!
... But, hey, why don't we have a bottle?
629
00:47:09,435 --> 00:47:12,290
Certainly.
- Dom Perignon.
630
00:47:12,390 --> 00:47:15,043
Ab-so-lutely. The best for the best.
631
00:47:19,993 --> 00:47:23,157
You where staring at me, weren't you?
In that café place.
632
00:47:23,167 --> 00:47:27,559
I... Yes.
- And you followed me in here, didn'tya?
633
00:47:27,569 --> 00:47:31,466
Yes. I did.
- What you want? What you playing at?
634
00:47:31,566 --> 00:47:34,369
Please. What is your name?
- Sandra.
635
00:47:35,780 --> 00:47:37,138
What's the matter?
636
00:47:38,737 --> 00:47:41,414
And the man you where with,
he was called Peter, wasn't he?
637
00:47:41,514 --> 00:47:45,405
Yeah. But what's that got to do with you?
You know him or what?
638
00:47:50,838 --> 00:47:55,580
I... I'm a writer.
I put words into people's mouths.
639
00:47:55,590 --> 00:48:01,751
And at the moment, I...
oh, God! My stomach!
640
00:48:03,175 --> 00:48:05,514
It's all coming true in front of me.
641
00:48:05,524 --> 00:48:10,385
So listen. I said I put words
into people's mouths. Well, I also...
642
00:48:10,395 --> 00:48:12,899
Are you getting any of this?
Can you understand at all?
643
00:48:12,909 --> 00:48:15,610
Hey! Steady on, Romeo.
- It's not just marks on a page.
644
00:48:15,620 --> 00:48:20,445
It's not just words in other people's mouths.
I make them do things.
645
00:48:20,455 --> 00:48:25,577
I even let them screw each other
or lie to each other or
646
00:48:25,677 --> 00:48:28,945
or or
or kill each other...
647
00:48:29,045 --> 00:48:32,477
Yes! Kill! Kill!
- Hey! Somebody! Quick!
648
00:48:32,487 --> 00:48:38,208
And you... it's you, Sandra!
They're going to kill you...
649
00:48:39,086 --> 00:48:41,667
Somebody!
650
00:48:43,328 --> 00:48:48,782
Help, somebody! Help...
651
00:48:48,792 --> 00:48:51,178
'Ere! You can't do that in my place!
652
00:48:52,124 --> 00:48:57,828
Why must I be a teenager in love
653
00:49:07,750 --> 00:49:11,431
Subtitles edited by CINEMAAS.
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